hummm, i dont follow, why you ask us the readers which one between Celestia or Crysallis would be the villain if you already have your own plans ???? thats really a kick in the balls for us in my opinion
So basically Celestia created a self fulfilling prophecy. "Hmm.. My student has a chance of turning evil. Welp, better banish her somewhere random and let her get raped, beaten and tortured. That'll solve everything."
And wanna know whats double the fun? Luna! Luna could have found, communicated with and helped Twilight at any time with her ability to ability to dream travel powers. You know, Twilight, the one who rescued her and helped her be accepted on Nightmare Night?
And in 10 years, Luna had yet to even take an interest in the entire business, even after it was shown that.. hey, Twilight was right about Cadence all along.
"Twilight has gone to far into the darkness, there is no way that she can see the light anymore. We have tried to talk to her but she will not see reason." Since when has 'talk' been a synonym for brainwash?
I'm sorry, but this makes no sense. First of all, Celestia suddenly and inexplicably can see the future? secondly
I knew this day would come! It's why I banished you in the first place Twilight
that's basically Celestia stating that she and only she, caused Twilight to fall, and that she did so only because she saw it in this vision. look, I get the idea of stable time loops, Celestia trying to prevent Twilight from threatening Equestria inevitably causes her too, but this vision makes no sense. Either she banished Twilight because she's an idiot, thinking it would help or she did so because she's cartoonishly evil, and if its the latter, it would be patently obvious to anyone she showed the vision to. After all, all Celestia had to do to prevent the vision was to not banish Twilight, and yet Celestia states that it was specifically this vision that encouraged her to banish her. Thirdly, how exactly does this explain Clare? she was killed, rather gruesomely too. Why would Celestia do that if she wasn't evil? If she had a clear motivation? In fact, how does this explain ANY of the rest of the story. As I said, Celestia is either an idiot, or trying to make the vision come to pass, if its the latter, why was she so set on bringing Twilight home and wiping her mind? That seems like she was trying to prevent the vision, which means it makes no sense that she banished Twilight in the first place.
I'm sorry, but this is just not a good turn in the narrative, there is just...so much wrong with this chapter, even more than I've said here. The story made more sense when the villain was Chrysalis, not saying it made complete sense (I cant go back and check cause that chapters gone) but it was a lot better
Ok, I thought about it for a bit and realised a better way to explain it through all my ramblings. There are 4 basic possibilities for this chapter: 1) Celestia is trying to prevent Twilight's fall, and the Vision is true 2) Celestia is trying to prevent Twilight's fall, and the Vision is in some way doctored 3) Celestia is trying to cause Twilight's fall, and the Vision is true 4) Celestia is trying to cause Twilight's fall, and the Vision is in some way doctored
If 1 is true, then Celestia is an idiot, because all she had to do was not banish Twilight and take what she's saying in the 'present' seriously and shouldn't convince anyone her actions are correct, so everyone who assisted her is an idiot If 2 is true, then Celestia is an idiot, because the doctored vision in no way supports her actions when she could have made them and shouldn't convince anyone her actions are correct, so everyone who assisted her is an idiot If 3 is true, then Celestia is evil, but it should also be apparent to everyone who sees the vision so everyone who assists her is either evil or an idiot If 4 is true, then Celestia is evil, and an idiot, because the doctored vision in no way hides her actions and shouldn't convince anyone her actions are correct, so everyone who assisted her is either evil or an idiot.
Do you see the problem with that? In all but one scenario, the main antagonist is an idiot. In all four, many supporting characters are idiots. T
4293669 Not particularly, railways are established technology in MLP and railway guns were in use as early as WW1, and railguns just use basic electromagnetic principles, which aren't actually that advanced, especially compared to the tech Twilight has in her basement. The only reason their high tech to us is because we lack the power source to make them viable, something that isn't an issue in a setting where technology can be powered by magic.
You know author, fuck you. You made a great story, but the writing really kills it. I know it gets edited but the story is just so gripping I can't wait for it.
This was interesting, I am sure that Twi can turn their allies by sending a tape of the things they did to her marefriend and her plan for her. They wouldn't want to side with her anymore out of fear of how she would betray them like she did to her prized student. I do have to make one recommendation, you might want to put in the title of the chapters that are following a different storyline. If I am correct there are two, the one where the imposter set all this up to watch the empire burn. And this one where she sent her away to try to protect it (which in hindsight is really foolish to do, I mean really give her a reason to hate you and attack).
4293763 I have to say, she was a damn idiot exiling her student because of that vision. If only she'd protected her student and looked after her instead...
Something else I just realised. I'm assuming that Shining was shown the vision, since why else would he help Celestia, well then, why wasn't Cadance? seems like a pretty big thing to miss, especially when it basically caused her to lose a close ally
4293797 K then I would say put like Alt in the title of those chapters so it doesn't confuse some of your readers. but both stories are interesting and can't wait to see where they both go.
................... you do realie that vision is informative enough to warn celestia that she should bhead twilight's warning, right? or at the fucking least imprison her than banish her if she becomes a threat.
also this does not explain why she would murder someone. not in the slightest. noope. natta. imprison her ass I could see, but killing her? like I said, writing a character off kilter for the sake of a story is not a good thing at all.
What the hell just happened. Chrysalis, and celestia, and luna... I'm hurting in my brain... Wait... Chrysi explained that in the first time she had a normal changeling replace cadance, so couldn't she do that with both the royal sisters? After all, last we saw, Luna was dead.
Oh... so your going to have it actually be tia... ok, :( was hoping it would be chrysilis but your story your choice! I look forward to the next chapter! Thank you for sharing this story
while i do support the misguided celestia stance, some of this chapter doesn't make sense. why is luna still alive, when we all clearly saw her die? why would celestia's plans change from brain washing to murder and war?
Celestia's secret door opened and out walked a bloody princess
Where does that say that Luna is dead? I really don't understand where everyone is getting the idea that Luna was killed when she cleared walked out of that room
4293989 cause if you wanted tell me that you should have put it on my page. I understand that you no longer like the story but don't put those things on the comment area of the story
Now this is a better change than what came before. Yet I have a question...if Celestia knew this would happen to Twilight, then why didn't she do anything to prevent it that wouldn't make matters worse than they already are ?
Great update and chiller prologue to the war, I wonder if Ponyville will fare the weathering storm coming ?
Please do keep up the good work upon such a great tale like this one.
4293993 Yeah! I know right? re-read the end of last chapter, then: "This is the last time you or any of them betray me."
All through the castle if you listened you could hear the screams of the night princess well into the night.
As the hours ticked into the beginning of the morning Celestia's secret door opened and out walked a bloody princess followed by a unicorn along with a black bag as she knocked away the bodies by the door and headed out the front gate where two bodies of the solar guard were impaled onto the spiked gate. --------------- Maybe she was "broken in" as a spy? hmmm.
4294017 exactly! i really don't like ragging on an author, but i think this chapter should have been withheld longer, so that it could make more sense.
4293934 oh cool! Im ok with either way, but after reading that one chapter where it was chrsilis I was a bit confused as to what happened. Anyway, thank you for this story
I see you went with celestia you sould ask winter about his commanders and such to know who your gonna pick to appear and such
hummm, i dont follow, why you ask us the readers which one between Celestia or Crysallis would be the villain if you already have your own plans ???? thats really a kick in the balls for us in my opinion
...I'm surprised Luna is alive..Or is she!
Dafuq just happened...
So basically Celestia created a self fulfilling prophecy. "Hmm.. My student has a chance of turning evil. Welp, better banish her somewhere random and let her get raped, beaten and tortured. That'll solve everything."
And wanna know whats double the fun? Luna! Luna could have found, communicated with and helped Twilight at any time with her ability to ability to dream travel powers. You know, Twilight, the one who rescued her and helped her be accepted on Nightmare Night?
And in 10 years, Luna had yet to even take an interest in the entire business, even after it was shown that.. hey, Twilight was right about Cadence all along.
"Twilight has gone to far into the darkness, there is no way that she can see the light anymore. We have tried to talk to her but she will not see reason." Since when has 'talk' been a synonym for brainwash?
Now, I ask: Is celestia right about the nightmare or is that for justifying her actions?
hmmm... we'll see.
4293626
I think the retcon button was used and now Celestia has gone even more insane.
I'm sorry, but this makes no sense. First of all, Celestia suddenly and inexplicably can see the future?
secondly
that's basically Celestia stating that she and only she, caused Twilight to fall, and that she did so only because she saw it in this vision. look, I get the idea of stable time loops, Celestia trying to prevent Twilight from threatening Equestria inevitably causes her too, but this vision makes no sense. Either she banished Twilight because she's an idiot, thinking it would help or she did so because she's cartoonishly evil, and if its the latter, it would be patently obvious to anyone she showed the vision to. After all, all Celestia had to do to prevent the vision was to not banish Twilight, and yet Celestia states that it was specifically this vision that encouraged her to banish her. Thirdly, how exactly does this explain Clare? she was killed, rather gruesomely too. Why would Celestia do that if she wasn't evil? If she had a clear motivation? In fact, how does this explain ANY of the rest of the story. As I said, Celestia is either an idiot, or trying to make the vision come to pass, if its the latter, why was she so set on bringing Twilight home and wiping her mind? That seems like she was trying to prevent the vision, which means it makes no sense that she banished Twilight in the first place.
I'm sorry, but this is just not a good turn in the narrative, there is just...so much wrong with this chapter, even more than I've said here. The story made more sense when the villain was Chrysalis, not saying it made complete sense (I cant go back and check cause that chapters gone) but it was a lot better
Ok, I thought about it for a bit and realised a better way to explain it through all my ramblings.
There are 4 basic possibilities for this chapter:
1) Celestia is trying to prevent Twilight's fall, and the Vision is true
2) Celestia is trying to prevent Twilight's fall, and the Vision is in some way doctored
3) Celestia is trying to cause Twilight's fall, and the Vision is true
4) Celestia is trying to cause Twilight's fall, and the Vision is in some way doctored
If 1 is true, then Celestia is an idiot, because all she had to do was not banish Twilight and take what she's saying in the 'present' seriously and shouldn't convince anyone her actions are correct, so everyone who assisted her is an idiot
If 2 is true, then Celestia is an idiot, because the doctored vision in no way supports her actions when she could have made them and shouldn't convince anyone her actions are correct, so everyone who assisted her is an idiot
If 3 is true, then Celestia is evil, but it should also be apparent to everyone who sees the vision so everyone who assists her is either evil or an idiot
If 4 is true, then Celestia is evil, and an idiot, because the doctored vision in no way hides her actions and shouldn't convince anyone her actions are correct, so everyone who assisted her is either evil or an idiot.
Do you see the problem with that? In all but one scenario, the main antagonist is an idiot. In all four, many supporting characters are idiots. T
4293618 I chose to use both so I can please both parties
massive railway rail gun? Really? That's way like high tech!
Aww, I liked the idea of it all being Chrysalis...
4293669
Not particularly, railways are established technology in MLP and railway guns were in use as early as WW1, and railguns just use basic electromagnetic principles, which aren't actually that advanced, especially compared to the tech Twilight has in her basement. The only reason their high tech to us is because we lack the power source to make them viable, something that isn't an issue in a setting where technology can be powered by magic.
4293721 Oh. Anything else I need to know?
4293707 its still going to happen in a alt ending
4293721 exactly
4293742 Alright. But surely Celestia sees how this is all her fault in the first place, right?
4293741
Yes. Railguns are awesome
That is all.
You know author, fuck you. You made a great story, but the writing really kills it. I know it gets edited but the story is just so gripping I can't wait for it.
TL;DR great story 11/10
4293745 she will
4293749 thanks?
This was interesting, I am sure that Twi can turn their allies by sending a tape of the things they did to her marefriend and her plan for her. They wouldn't want to side with her anymore out of fear of how she would betray them like she did to her prized student. I do have to make one recommendation, you might want to put in the title of the chapters that are following a different storyline. If I am correct there are two, the one where the imposter set all this up to watch the empire burn. And this one where she sent her away to try to protect it (which in hindsight is really foolish to do, I mean really give her a reason to hate you and attack).
4293763 I have to say, she was a damn idiot exiling her student because of that vision. If only she'd protected her student and looked after her instead...
4293666 So is this one storyline or is it two different ones that you are showing us?
4293794 two the one with Chrysalis is going to be a alt path
I wonder whats up with luna. This chapter makes a ton more sense than the last, and I'm excited to see where this goes.
Something else I just realised. I'm assuming that Shining was shown the vision, since why else would he help Celestia, well then, why wasn't Cadance? seems like a pretty big thing to miss, especially when it basically caused her to lose a close ally
4293804 I think it's because Luna is now questioning her sister but, is actually afraid she'll end up like Clare.
4293797 K then I would say put like Alt in the title of those chapters so it doesn't confuse some of your readers. but both stories are interesting and can't wait to see where they both go.
4293834 oh I will
................... you do realie that vision is informative enough to warn celestia that she should bhead twilight's warning, right?
or at the fucking least imprison her than banish her if she becomes a threat.
also this does not explain why she would murder someone. not in the slightest. noope. natta. imprison her ass I could see, but killing her?
like I said, writing a character off kilter for the sake of a story is not a good thing at all.
What the hell just happened. Chrysalis, and celestia, and luna... I'm hurting in my brain... Wait... Chrysi explained that in the first time she had a normal changeling replace cadance, so couldn't she do that with both the royal sisters? After all, last we saw, Luna was dead.
What about fluttershy, she didn't betray twi again
Oh... so your going to have it actually be tia... ok, :( was hoping it would be chrysilis but your story your choice! I look forward to the next chapter! Thank you for sharing this story
4293886 I'm doing both actually
4293877 I'm doing and alt ending with chrysalis
while i do support the misguided celestia stance, some of this chapter doesn't make sense. why is luna still alive, when we all clearly saw her die? why would celestia's plans change from brain washing to murder and war?
Celestia's secret door opened and out walked a bloody princess
Where does that say that Luna is dead? I really don't understand where everyone is getting the idea that Luna was killed when she cleared walked out of that room
4293747 Ok
May i ask, why did you deleted my comment?
4293956
She wasn't killed..Only tortured for a while.
But I do wonder why it's not been mentioned? No telling of ant scarring, physical or otherwise
4293991 and she just get's up? doesn't even tell celestia about it?
4293989 cause if you wanted tell me that you should have put it on my page. I understand that you no longer like the story but don't put those things on the comment area of the story
Now this is a better change than what came before. Yet I have a question...if Celestia knew this would happen to Twilight, then why didn't she do anything to prevent it that wouldn't make matters worse than they already are ?
Great update and chiller prologue to the war, I wonder if Ponyville will fare the weathering storm coming ?
Please do keep up the good work upon such a great tale like this one.
4293993
Yeah! I know right?
re-read the end of last chapter, then:
"This is the last time you or any of them betray me."
All through the castle if you listened you could hear the screams of the night princess well into the night.
As the hours ticked into the beginning of the morning Celestia's secret door opened and out walked a bloody princess followed by a unicorn along with a black bag as she knocked away the bodies by the door and headed out the front gate where two bodies of the solar guard were impaled onto the spiked gate.
---------------
Maybe she was "broken in" as a spy? hmmm.
4294017 exactly! i really don't like ragging on an author, but i think this chapter should have been withheld longer, so that it could make more sense.
4293934 oh cool! Im ok with either way, but after reading that one chapter where it was chrsilis I was a bit confused as to what happened. Anyway, thank you for this story
That's cool, people allowed to only post positive comments here! Critique is not allowed here! Great!