*Unfolds the enjoyment preparation chair* All ready...

Great to see this story back again considering it was just so darn interesting last I read .

Yay more chapters! I really likes your take on a twilight exile story so I am glad it is continuing. Keep up the good work. Badboy spike moustache:

The story is still marked "Hiatus"

4252157 I know that is only because I'm still thinking of future chaps and it may take a while

Twilight walked through the streets in the early morning in her suit with a small smile looking at the peace around her before it turned to a frown as she looked at the stupidity and ignorance of these ponies that know nothing of the suffering that happens in the world.

I'll be right back...

Still desperately in need of a good proof-reader/editor, preferably one with English as their native tongue. There's a group for proofreaders and editors on here, I believe - have you tried there?

The chapter and story are pretty good, but I'd suggest breaking up the talking with a bit of punctuation. The run-on sentences make the story feel rushed.

-Missy

Need More

Please

Short, but sweet. Couple of spelling errors though.

Small quick updates seem like a great idea to me.

Edit: I noticed that someone mentioned a need for a proof reader. I'd like to volunteer. I do have experience in this in that I have been proof reading for http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Biker_Dash

I even helped to edit http://www.fimfiction.net/story/169662/hidden-happiness which made it to the top of the feature box a few days ago when it was posted.

4252171
Dont sweat it man. Forward progress is the only cure for writer's block of a hectic real life.

Hey. Question:
When the contact runes were burned off of spike's body you said it left marks. Does he still have them as an adult?
Cuz that would look so bad ass, big adult dragon with arcane runes scarred into his face, neck and chest like some kind of morbid, tribal gang tattoo.
Can this be a thing?

4252248 links not working but sure the more the better! Just pm me your email so I can share it with u on google drive!

4252289 and yes it is a thing can't wait to write the chap as they meet up with the girls

You know what? This story is so awesome you could update 10 words at a time and I'd still love you for it.

4252410 wow thanks!

ithis story

4252437 thank you!

I was so heartbroken when this story was put on hiatus. So many great stories end up on perma-hiatus or cancelled. It's good to see this come back.

I am absolutely LOVING this story so far
I thought the first Chapter was amazing, the second almost heartbreaking and this...this just made me feel warm inside

My one problem with this fic, get a damn editor or a prof reader or something
so many little grammar and spelling errors and it is really letting this amazing piece of work down

4252548 talk to phillichez he/she is my new editor starting tomorrow

This story keeps getting better Can't wait for the next chapter.

4252176 I hope you aren't doing what I think your doing...

this is a great story thank you for showing it to us!

This story is amazing!

Man I really love this story, but I am dying to know tho... Why is it they went and found Twi again? We all know that this whole, "we just want you back thing is bull". At least I bet it isn't the main reason they want her around again. It must be like Discord is getting out soon and they want her in their corner so they can lock him back up again or something. I am sure Twi has notice this as well, I do want some interaction between Spike, Gilda and the mane 6 (mainly Rarity) and Celestia. I want to hear Gilda go off on Dash for abandoning her friends. And I got to have Spike tell off the mane 6 and Celestia, we got to have Twi vent her feeling about what happen. I want to hear what Spike has to say and feel. Ether way can't wait for the next chapter and see what comes next.

Finally, a new chapter!!!
I love it!!!
AWESOME!!!

seems one thing that shining and the others have a trouble cueing into is twilight is no longer thinking in equestrian mentality, and honestly with what happenedshe shouldn't be. to put things into perspective

if every action causes an equal or greater reaction here we have the case of the action of the princesses, shining, the elements, etc. causing a rather massive reaction. much like how an atom is small and splitting one would seem insignificant from one perspective, they've done an action where well terrible they seem to be in true ignorance of the massive scope of what they did. they have caused a reaction that realisticaly can never be fully stopped.

that being said with time and the right measures taken the best they can hope for is to dampen the effects over time.

in short seeking forgiveness for what they did is both foolish and sort sighted. there best option is to attempt to salvage whatever they can with twilight which as with the aftermath of splitting an atom, well never really be the same.

this story is excellent i just really wish we could know how cadence reaced when she first found out about the banishment.

4253526 oh you will see in the next chapter.

thank you! now more please?

Great update, but I'm curious as of what Twilight's parents REALLY think about their daughter's exile and their son's involvement in it ?

Please do keep up the good work upon such a great story.

I personally think smaller chapter are better because you can update faster even if the chapters are 1000-2000 words long and that's pretty long too

4254155 I know but when I read those types of stories they just seem short to me. But I think it will take to long to update and that's not fair to y'all

4252176 don't get your Jimmy's in a bunch shining will set her straight in the next chap with those thoughts

4254206 Okay, i'm giving you one final suggestion, get a pre-reader, proof-reader, writing partner and Editor, > Genghis can make it as a pre-reader and an Editor, honestly this story would be gold were it not for the gigantic spelling errors, paragraph structuring and... What can you call it? It skips between rushed and well paced and slow.

4253071 And that would be?

4254537 ok I talked to the guy now it's up to them they want to

4253946 That is one of the messed up things, They were where when it happen. They didn't try to defend her or anything, they let it happen. And I mean really, even if it was one of her freak outs doesn't banishment seem alittle much when a short stay on house arrest would work just as well lol

4256283 especially when she was right about what it was

4256283

Okay then, let us see how Twilight truly treats her own parents after all this time.

I shall enjoy.

4256296 I am with you there, I mean idk how she can forgive at all after that shit. Guess that is what makes her a better person then me. I dear Celestia to try to talk down to her or belittle what she has gone through like she always does. If she try it I want Twi... no Boss to smack her right in the face. I want to hear Rar try to talk to Twi about Spike, I know she would lose it when she try to call him her Spikey-Wikey lol.

4256439 oh man I can't wait for the equestrian part

4256343 I want her to go off on them, I mean the amount of pissed I was when her mom was like "lets talk about it" I was like really fuck you!!! lol. Some things can't just be buried under the rug as a mistake and the shit they both went through is one of those. And they were her parents and they just let them do that and stood there with resentment on their faces. What does that say about how they always viewed their daughter to let that happen over something as small that that. I think they might have always resented or some strong dislike deep down about her. Why else would you let something like that happen. Maybe she was just too different and they couldn't handle it anymore.

4256454 You and me both brother lol. Now Spike is my fav character all around so I always care strongly for things that relate to him. But on the regard I have to say this is by far one of my fav if not my fav Twi out of all (and trust me that is alot of Twilights lol) i've read so far. If I could get Gilda to punch the shit out of Dash for all she put Twi and Spike through "some element of loyalty". I just find it funny,my fav Twi was created by creating one of my most hated Elements of harmony lol.

4256478 Well you'll be happy to know that Twilight and Starbolt will have aunt and niece bonding in this next chap and Twilights already rubbing off on her.

4256538 K now i am really looking forward to it lol. Get Ready For Gangster Starbolt lol

please please please PLEASE get an editor for punctuation

You know, I'm really liking the way this story is progressing. It's such a creative, if a tad radical, idea, and I'm invested after only 3 chapters.

Though please, and I know you're probably already on it, but get some kind of editor. This chapter was almost painful to read; the glaring mistakes in punctuation were inexcusable.

Other than that, continue! By all means, continue!

There are four major problems with this chapter.

(Next day)
(With Shining and Cadence)
(With Twilight)
(7 pm top of the castle stairs)

Do not do this. I know you are trying to set a scene, but this is not how to do it. It doesn't even work, as it is a redundant tactic that either explains what is already stated in the following scene, or outlines contextual scene information that holds no or negligible importance to a scene.

For instance, when the tag says we are with Shining and Cadance, the scene already shows Shining and Cadance are talking. The tag itself is already completely superfluous. What you need to learn how to do is build a scene without using metadata to explain it. Where are Cadance and Shining? Are they in Canterlot or the Crystal Empire? Are they in a room or their private quarters? In the Lower Quarter or the Castle? Besides knowing Cadance and Shining being there, I know absolutely nothing about where or when they are. You see, not just who is important to a scene. You also need a 'Where?' and 'When?'

Are these scenes hours or days apart? Minutes? The same time? This is important for a simple reason: the people, or ponies in this instance. The difference between a small amount of times between scenes and a large amount of time is that the unspoken emotional development between characters evolves over time. For instance, if a scene ends with two characters fighting, and then there is a timeskip, the duration of the timeskip matters. If it is short, they can still be mad at each other. If it is long, they may have forgiven each other, the anger deepens, etc. A lot of things can happen.

The flaw with these poorly constructed scene transitions is that I do no know the length of time between them. I don't know if the emotional growth and bonding between these transitions is genuine or not. If so little tender loving care is provided, why should i care at all?

Secondly...

Twilight walked through the streets in the early morning in her suit with a small smile looking at the peace around her before it turned to a frown as she looked at the stupidity and ignorance of these ponies that know nothing of the suffering that happens in the world.

Well, that's not true in the slightest. Ponyville lives within walking distance of Cthuloid Start Beasts, monsters that can flash-fry your skin in seconds, and poisonous creatures. These aren't even military ponies. Ponies as a species are perhaps the most hardcore in children's cartoons. They eat pain and crap steroids.

The third is that there are still a grievous amount of spelling and grammatical errors. This still needs both an editor and a prereader. Good ones. Scenes like basic structural integrity and are both nothing but blank voids with ponies in them. Where they are is completely devoid of... well, anything. Talk about the sights and smells. Perhaps there are birds in the sky. A murder of ravens, maybe. Or perhaps bluejays. These things do nothing to improve a story, but they certainly make if feel more realistic.

Lastly...

'Hm a dinner huh? I feel so much anger for them all, can I really forgive them? Mom help me out here I don't know what to do.'

Exposition. Don't do that. Well, don't do it this way.

Exposition is important. no story can survive without it, but you are going seriously overboard with it. Too little exposition, and people don't know what's going on, what you are trying to tell them, or where the story will go. Too much, and you are forcing information down your reader's throats. It's counterintuitive and prevents readers from using their imagination. If you tell them how to feel, they can't do it on their own. Let readers reach their own conclusions.

You are outright explaining how ponies feel through words, not actions. At best, it's irritating. At worst, it's boring. Actions speak louder than words. Never tell an audience how a character is feeling, at least not like this.

I gave this a chance. That downvote from me will have to remain.

So I'm not really a master of grammar, and I don't have a editor or anything fancy so I can feel your pain. But here's a trick I think might help you, it helps me a bunch.

"Um Twilight I was wondering if you wanted to come with me for dinner tonight just the two of us so we can talk. I want to really get to know you and see how you changed." He said still looking down at the floor.

If there's nothing between the words, there's no pause, right? So just read it out loud and see if feels natural.
"Um, Twilight, I was wondering if you wanted to come with me for dinner tonight, just the two of us so we can talk. I want to really get to know you and see how you changed."
Just read your sentences out loud, and see if they feel right after writing them, it does wonders.
Like I said, I'm not perfect and that might not be right, but having him pause in those spots seem a bit more natural that rolling them out one after another.
Good luck dude.

Well, I think everybody had already talked about the punctuation and all, so I won't bother you again with it. I just thought you'd give it a bit more effort for Twilight to lighten up for the other ponies. Giving the tragic past she was in and all, I think it could've used a bit more effort to get her to even talk to them with straight face. Nevertheless, I like where the plot of this story is going and keep up the good work.

I'd like to talk to you for a moment about our lord and saviour, the mighty Comma. Yes, this little fellow here: ,
He doesn't just belong in sentences, he wants to be there. When you don't use him, he cries. Please, don't make the Comma cry. Give him a home in your work.

tl;dr: Commas. You need more of them.