Fluttershy is a really shy mare when it comes to friends or meeting new ponies, but her problem gets worst when is was her very first day of school. How will Fluttershy get passed this problem , will she find any friends or will she be alone once again.
I would like to thank my great friend , WHITEFALCON for re-reading and editing the story.
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Aww, that's cute. You've got some nice ideas here, in particular the one about Fluttershy not really understanding what friendship was before she met Rainbow Dash. That's probably the part of your story that I think you could do the most with. It's a really interesting idea, since after all we don't know a lot from the show about Fluttershy's fillyhood. So you have plenty of space to explore that in fics.
The story itself could do with some proof-reading, though: for example, ponies' names need to have initial capitals every time and there should be no spaces before commas. I'd advise losing the narrator intrusion near the start ("like I said") because it's distracting. You want your readers to get drawn into the story, and that pulls them out again. Another suggestion: instead of writing things like "a random pony", try giving them names and/or a brief description. So instead of this:
"Hey look Clumsyshy fell" a random pony cried out to tell ponies what happens.
you could have something like this:
"Hey, look: Clumsyshy fell!" came the mocking voice of red-maned Nimbus Swirl, his voice shaking with amusement.
It just helps to make the whole place feel more real in the reader's mind. Anyway, this is getting rather long, so I'll stop babbling on now! I like reading stories about filly Fluttershy, so thank you for writing this one.
Thanks for the liking my story. I'm going to talk to my proofreader about this , give him some advice about this suggestions. Overall thanks I need as much a feedback as possible to make better stories.