This story is a sequel to Safer Sombra
This is a collection of short stories dealing with the effects of the fealty oath that Queen Chrysalis swore by in the events of Safer Sombra, and how they would affect Equestria.
Chapters (12)
- Member Since 25th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
Majin Syeekoh
We’ve got dents and we’ve got quirks, but it’s our flaws that make us work.
Majin Syeekoh
Joined 25th Dec, 2013 ·
Offline
Sequels2
-
Majin Syeekoh · 7.9k words · 39 6 · 1.2k views
-
Majin Syeekoh · 7.7k words · 44 7 · 1.2k views
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Majin Syeekoh · 7.7k words · 44 7 · 1.2k views
- Majin Syeekoh · 5.8k words · 34 5 · 1.4k views
- Majin Syeekoh · 7.9k words · 39 6 · 1.2k views
- ngrey651 · 13k words · 52 10 · 2.2k views
- Majin Syeekoh · 4.5k words · 23 8 · 694 views
- kildeez · 221k words · 299 42 · 6.2k views
- Masters-of-the-Elements · 3k words · 27 3 · 1.8k views
Featured In14
The Writers' Group56,386 stories ·9,291 members
- Struggling Authors25,176 stories ·3,671 members
The Hero... Queen Chrysalis???384 stories ·1,733 members
School for New Writers9,608 stories ·5,008 members
Changelings Need Love Too1,539 stories ·2,332 members
Writers and Reviewers Institute for Technical Excellence302 stories ·46 members
- changelings are awesome380 stories ·316 members
Changeling Writers526 stories ·322 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.145 seconds
Total duration
1,023 users online
1,424,399 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
At the moment I am on a changeling binge.
I like 42 a lot
I really like this! I never thought of having changelings be...you part of society.
But I don't think it's pinkie to act all nervous like that! Think of all the times she just laughed at danger and death!
4051702 There's a reason for this which I'll get into later...
Is that an Aliens reference I spy?
4059030 Why, yes it is.
So, will the changelings still be referred with numbers or will they start having names anytime soon?
Also, I feel for Cadance in this part. She's locked underground, starving and nearly ruined her wedding. Still, she doesn't seem to be the type to hold a grudge.
4069579 I'm sticking with the numbers. Each number is it's own reference.
And trauma can often take time to fully settle in. The cheery Cadance we see in MLP is not the Cadance of my story.
42. The changeling of life, the universe, and everything. Loves muffins.
Also, what was with that snow?
4070441 you'll see...
I seem to recall a certain period in Equestria's history when there was racial tension, and rather a lot of snow fell as a result... :)
4070731 OH NOOO!!!!!!!
What ever happened to that little changer?
Love the story though! That's SO Vynal Scratch!
Okay, cadence is REALLY out of character!
4072459 I dunno about that. Would YOU forgive then changelings so easily after the ordeal she went through?
And don't call them changers, that's offensive!
Oh. Cold. Snow. Specism. I look back on another comment and cringe in terror. Windigoes.
This... is going to be Bad News. Not just regular bad news either, no sir. This is capital letter Bad News.
4074691
Those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it.
- George Santayana
If what's happening what we thinks happening, then the outcome will be same.
Well, that is certainly a page in the history books someone forgot to write down.
Well... um... well. That's an interesting take on those two's relationship. The scream, ha.
And oh merciful heavens snow.
4079992 I thought it would be a unique spin.
Well then...
Well, this just about confirmed everything we've all been dreading. Hoo boy.
Also, sleep-deprived Luna is a good Luna. Almost as good as caffeine-addicted Luna.
Good to see the story chugging along, thought some bits are confusing. Cadence and Tavi seem to be flip-flopping back and forth with whether or not they're specist. Cadence first hates them, then accepts them as she joins Shining and 56, then goes back to hating them. Octavia also displays this, as she appears to be angry that Vinyl brought home a group, but then the next morning she's having a good laugh with one. Continue on a few minutes later and she's back to hating them. Just thought I'd ask why there was that bit of inconsistency, unless it's an effect of the Windigos? Maybe they're causing the hate-shift?
4084794 That would be a nice theory, but I unfortunately can't lay claim to that. As for Octavia, the changeling drained her love, causing her to be more level-headed. She was just miffed at catching Vinyl in yet another appears-to-be-compromising position.
As for Cadance, she was never fully over her racism. She just grew to accept that changeling. She still has severe issues with changelings as a whole. And she's calling it a bugger the same way an older person(not so much anymore) might call an African-American "negro". She simply doesn't find it offensive, because that's what they are to her. And as for the hate with Chrysalis, come on. You knew that was coming.
4084822 Fair enough explanations, hats off to you sir, you appear to know what you're doing
Angel you... how did... why did... how was he... personal space!
Looks like things are coming to a head. I hope things go well with Chrysalis and... huh, for a Slice of Life this has an awful Adventure feel to it.
Things are coming to a head now... oh boy.
Always darkest before dawn right?
Aww damn complete already?
I hoped for more
4103475 Eh, I felt the story had run its course. Windigoes were the main villain, problem solved.
Oh boy, Chrysalis has become unstable...
The title drop! Good ending but... moar changelings in Equestria?
FILLY-FOOLER! FILLY-FOOLER!
I loved it but maybe a few more chapters to wrap up the club with Vynal and the CMC.
The title made me think that this was going to be a knock off of I Robot.
Great story(s) man.
4111910 Well, I was referring to the novel I, Robot, which is quite different from the movie.
I'm glad that you liked it!
4112067 To be honest, I haven't read the book or watched the movie. so i don't even know why I'm speculating if i don't have any first hand experience. oh look at that, I have $20 in my wallet. time to visit a bookstore.
4112091 good man.
That reference made my day.
Hi! I’m cheezesauce from WRITE, called in to say a few words about your story, and it looks like quite a healthy like to dislike ratio it’s got there to begin with. I’m going reading this without prior knowledge of the prequel, which I realise has another prequel to it.
Show, don’t tell. That’s the first thing that comes to me as I read the first sentence. Instead of flat out telling me that Cheerilee’s alarm went off, try to start off with something more interesting, like the loud, droning sound from the alarm for example. When we read about a loud sound to begin with, we’d want to find out more about it, and would be much more likely to continue reading on than if we are simply told about Cheerilee waking up to her alarm.
The first words of any story are handed the important responsibility of hooking the passing reader right into the story, and hopefully he’ll stay trapped in there until it finishes. Recalling back, I remember coming across one old fic that began with a beautiful opening line, and I’m sharing it in hope that you’ll have a better idea of what I mean. It began with a line like: “Celestia took a sip from her glass of wine as she watched the world burn.” It’s a much more powerful way to start comparatively.
When it comes to paragraphs, one useful trick would be to aim for a single main point to each paragraph, and then making everything in that paragraph build towards that main point. Paragraphs are the little pieces of jigsaw that when put together, make up a scene and the story itself. These pieces have to be kept small and manageable, a bit like how you cut up a fruit into little pieces instead of shoving the whole thing in your mouth. So again, stick to about one point per paragraph. Sentences that don’t fit or don’t pull their weight should be trimmed off like excess fat.
On the other hand, disorganised paragraphs are often lengthy, covering more things than it can take, and often look like a big block of words. Hence the term ‘giant walls of text’. In your story, it is remarkably difficult to follow what has been written in just the first two paragraphs in the first chapter. Cheerilee woke up. Cheerilee shut off her alarm. Cheerilee filled up a kettle with water. Cheerilee pulled out a bag… and so on. There’s a whole array of things happening one after another, being crammed into a paragraph, and that forces the pace of reading into a slow, painful trudge. Alternatively, readers would skip entire chunks altogether, cherry-picking words to get the key points that you’re trying to make.
Not only that, cramming points also stifles any form of description. Description needs its space in order to flourish. That’s why you don’t find authors using flowery phrases in the heat of an action packed gun battle. Giving a detailed account of how Cheerilee starts off her morning does NOT count as description. Instead, it’s more of ‘telling’. It would be more effective to focus on a few actions, and bringing colour to it, rather than just pumping out a whole tonne of fluff. Quality beats quantity hands down in writing. Instead of just telling us about Cheerilee doing this and doing that, try selecting a few things that she’s doing, the ones that you feel most comfortable with, and then put in all your effort to elaborate on it. Add more imagery; bring the scene to the reader by making things more vivid, more readily imaginable, and then you’ll have your perfect description.
As the story progresses, the massive paragraphs of narration give way to lighter, active dialogue. It’s a change most people would welcome, and it feels that the dialogue has much more strength compared to the narration.
The focus so far has mainly been on the writing rather than the plot. I think the most potential lies within this area, because only with fluid sentences can an intricate plot be weaved, and only with beautiful writing can a great story be made. I hope that you write towards yours.
cheezesauce, WRITE's Perpetual Underground Lurker.
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/349/4/b/reviewer_logo_longver03_01_by_burrakupansa-d5o60h2.png
4267575 Thank you for your review. I was trying something else with the first chapter, but it seems to have fallen flat.
Thank you for your input, I will keep it in mind as I write future stories.
63 must be the male, right?
So that was fun.
Keep going! ;)
4444183 Indeed.
PTSD can cause some strange stuff.
Well, it's certanally better than first and second one. Very much better. Upvote.
Xenos. Wish there were more fics referencing them or at least having one as the protagonist.
4111060 Actually, the mushrooms imply that Angel is a drug dealer. I think?
Heh, designated parental units.
So far so good, though i hope Chryssie did negotiate some benefits for the Cutelings.
Cya
Raziel-chan
4072417 The CMC happened, he's probably stuck in some tree sap along with them.
Cya
Raziel-chan
Okay, this chapter made me like the fic less. I just can't really picture neither Luna not Celestia doing nothing while their subjects are lynching and murdering changelings. And for Luna to be so blasé about it... It just sits extremely wrong with me. Imagine the backlash if a changeling killed a pony, the outrage and riots, yet changeling deaths seem to have no repercussions. It makes me sick.
I just can't picture the princesses just stirring back and leaving those atrocities be. It's like they don't see changelings as living beings.
Cya
Raziel-chan