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On the Sliding Scale Of Cynicism Vs. Idealism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon, Ko-Fi.)


Ever wonder what the CMC's collective juvee incident file would look like?

How about what it would do to the pony who had to record it?

(Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group. New members and trope edits welcome.)

Now with author Patreon page.

Audiobook reading by Fan Of Most Everything.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 64 )

Sorry for video, couldn't actually write anything coherent about this. Liked and fave'd.

nemryn #2 · Mar 8th, 2014 · · 1 ·

EQ 24:29:3: Forcible Creation Of Fashion Victim(s) Against Their Will

I love that there's a statute for that :rainbowlaugh:

That poor, poor officer.

It was always head canon that the CMC were generators of pure, unadulterated chaos. Although this goes to show that the adults in Ponyville hate their children [especially Snips and Snails parents], and are borderline criminally negligent [not making sure that Scootaloo had any parents, or getting her into a good home where she'd have some Dashie Love, or taken in by the other Mane 6]. Good fic though. Really loved it.

Comment posted by TheGreatEater deleted Mar 8th, 2014

EDIT: Mixed up my initial comment a bit, since I was reading this in conjunction with another story and posted the wrong response here. :facehoof: I loved this piece, and eagerly await anything else you come up with! :pinkiehappy:

So true!

Oh lord, That Ending.:rainbowlaugh: Gotta Love Babs.

Oh my Celestia, that poor officer.
Here we go again:facehoof:

Bad fillies, bad fillies, what 'cha gonna do when they come for you -- with a straitjacket.

I got to the end, and I swear that I could hear those screechy violins from Psycho in the background. Poor guy, and now they're learning magic, potion (only a few letters off from poison) making, and engineering from a Princess.

Equestria is doomed.

Can't sleep, Scoots will eat me
Can't sleep, Scoots will eat me
Can't sleep, Scoots will eat me

It's really annoying me that I can't place the reference for #139.

Great work as always, Estee.

Hearts and Hooves Day. Love poison. Big Macintosh. Berry Punch’s house used as an anchor.

If you look too long at Scootaloo, Scootaloo looks back at you. :scootangel:

Yeah, of course. Thanks.:derpytongue2:

Yesss, you wrote it :rainbowlaugh:

multiple suspicions of piano murder in progress

I see what you did there :duck:

K first thing in the morning I am linking this to EVERYONE.


I freely admit that this is one of those pieces where I pretty much had the ending first and was just hoping I could set up the punchline.


Equestria is doomed.

I think of Equestria as being like Metropolis: it's always doomed. Everything else is just a holding action.

Regardless, :eeyup:


I'm now wondering if it started in Ponyville, courtesy of a very young, door-to-door, overly-sales-aggressive, does-not-understand-go-away-yet Rarity...


I see what you did there

But everyone kept telling me it was a crime.

And do you know what this means? If we put this on the timeline with the bulk of the other fics, it obviously started before 100% Move = 50% Fire. Which clearly must mean Scootaloo is a corrupting influence on the Bearers.

*screechy violin strings*



...that is all.

I do love how piano murder has become a thing with you.


I'd note the existence of Pinkie Pie, were this a different continuity.

In any case, fantastic stuff. It's the only logical outcome of a pony dedicated to upholding law and order suffering prolonged exposure to the Crusaders. Thank you for a hilarious spiral into madness.

Equestria: where "a crime against fashion" isn't just a phrase.

The 'can't sleep, X will eat me' bit? It's from the Simpsons, only there it's 'clown.'

There's a minor misspelling in your short summary:

Ever wonder what the Cutie Mark Crusaders' collective juvee incident file looks like? Well, nopony has the strength to reproduce several thousand pages, so a few exerts excerpts will have to do... if your sanity can survive it.

The story itself is excellent. Poor Bobbi Brassie. :pinkiecrazy:



Hit by the near-homophone. Thankee: fixed.

4051129 I think of Equestria as being like Metropolis: it's always doomed. Everything else is just a holding action.

"No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know, for a little bit? I feel like the maid—'I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for… for ten minutes!'"

I am sure everything is fine, officer. You're just paranoid. It's all a coincidence.:pinkiecrazy:.

discord ain’t got shit on the crusaders they're like mixing nuclear fission and 80s movies nothing good can come form it

I really feel bad for that police...

In the town containing Rarity, or course there is.

#111 is my favorite

Manehattan Police Department
Juvenile Records Division
Incident Report #1
Recording Officer: Bobbi Brassie

Statute(s) Violated: EQ 3:17:1: Noise Pollution
Violator Name(s): Babs Seed

.....well he's screwed. :rainbowlaugh:

This is brilliant. Seriously. :rainbowdetermined2:

Well, that was certainly one of the more... interesting reads I've had.
Kinda surprised he didn't try to pin any of the "Smarty Pants" incident on them.
Well yeah, pretty much anyone will do that when you stare at them for three days straight!


The SMI is used for the torn piece of paper which kicks off one entry. Note that it's taken from an adult file and then look closely at the statutes which were violated.

Yknow, one of the main things I've learned from this particular Commentary section is that as a name, "Bobbi Brassie" apparently works for either gender. Who knew?

(For the absolutely nothing it's worth, I originally had our battered officer as a mare.)

Pahahahahahaha! (For the second time this evening.)

you are a horrible person and you should feel bad. Keep writing.

Fun idea you had here, and an interesting form for it (in forms.) :ajsmug: Good job though, and bravo for the kicker at the end, too!

You had me at 'piano murder'.
Then I saw the exclamation marks, and found myself thinking: 'tsk, this one's done for.'

(Babs Seed. Clearly, some devious alteration of the name of Sombra, having cheated death and reincarnated himself into the form of a filly with... questionable mane-styling practices. It all makes sense!!!!! All of it!!!!!)

4051405 Rhank you for getting that song stuck in my head agian here's my retaliation

Statute(s) (and statue) Violated: EQ **:***:****: Total Disruption Of Local Reality


Manehattan Police Department
Juvenile Records Division
Incident Report  #1  
Recording Officer:  Bobbi Brassie
Statute(s) Violated:  EQ 3:17:1:  Noise Pollution
Violator Name(s):  Babs Seed

Oh, that poor bastard.

Quick Qs: Who's the pony in charge of the CMC's chaos splurges now that Bobbie Brass is in Manehatten? Are we ever going to get a follow up to this fic where we see that pony interact with the Bearer's / CMC? Also are you going to someday do a fic like this but with the Insurance Company that has to deal with the CMC based damage to body, property, sanity and causality?

Manehattan Police Department
Juvenile Records Division
Incident Report #1
Recording Officer: Bobbi Brassie
Statute(s) Violated: EQ 3:17:1: Noise Pollution
Violator Name(s): Babs Seed

Aaaand here we go again.:rainbowlaugh:

Creation of Air hazards on Sweet Apple Acres is a crime?
I mean, I can see the point of the law, but isn't SAA a private property? The report even notes that the pegasi were technically trespassing.
I'd imagine that, what with the pegasi, Equestria has rules about how high above the ground ownership of a piece of land extends.
And if this is the one shown in-episode, the ziplines weren't higher than the trees they were tied to.

I know, it's a weird detail to latch onto, especially given the later accusations, but still :pinkiehappy:

I had Sweetie Belle being so bad at cooking that she ended up summoning a Cthulhoid outer horror, yet still your versions of the CMC are the most destructive. :scootangel:

<notes ending>


I think the best case scenario for Officer Brassie is to flee gibbering into the night after the first interview....

I feel sorry for that officer.

Discord and the CMC?

Make it an episode in Season Five


He doesn't need the inspiration.

I'm honestly reluctant to put them together. For starters, he might be thankful...

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