Hey! Thank you for reading my stupid stuff! Feel free to contact me about stuff and things! I like human interaction! :D
Ysmir awoke, feeling like hell, in the remains of the Canterlot Castle throne room, an apparently huge chunk of his memory gone as he has no idea how he got there or why the city seemed to be destroyed and laced with death. He begins to piece together clues as to what happened, but it's far worse than he could have imagined.
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good start to the story so far.
4062407
Thank you kindly. ^_^ I took the story down for a day, heavily rewriting it because the negative popular opinion on Ysmir forced me to recreate him practically from scratch. Bleh.
Link it around! >.>
This OC story is SO AWESOME!
4063055
Thank you! Your words mean a lot to me. I hope to have the second chapter out relatively soon, so keep an eye out!
Name of Story: Wake of Destruction
Grammar score out of 10: 8
Pros (list three pros)
It's got a pretty good adventure hook.
You managed to convey the feeling of post apocalyptic...apocalypticness well.
I could always tell how the main character was feeling, physically, which is hard to do.
Cons (list three cons):
You...often say the same thing twice, using different words, for some reason :-/ It's distracting.
A few punctuation errors; in particular, after a full stop there should be a space.
A bunch of typos that can't be caught with spell check-stuff like typing to his leg instead of tying to his leg.
Notes Section: I'm not sure why, but a lot of the narration felt clunky and uneven...also, we have no idea what the main character's motivations are :-/
4067845
Regarding the grammar and spelling errors, a vast majority of this was typed up on my phone, so it did loopy things to it. XD
What do you mean saying the same thing twice? It could be because I took apart he story to rewrite it, and when I put it back together might have repeated some ideas I had. And I thought I made i clear that right now his motivation was just to figure out why he can't remember anything.
4067857
" He felt like he had been squeezed to a pulp, like he should be dead. But of course, he wasn’t. Obviously."
It's either of course, or obvious :-/
I mean, it's both, but you only need to say so once; I encountered this type of thing a bunch of times.
And his motivation...it's because we don't actually get to hear what most of his thoughts or conjectures are, and not remembering anything...it'd have a hell of a lot more of an emotional impact than it's been portrayed in the story :-/
4067907
I use a writing style called 'First person limited' which purposely DOESN'T delve too deeply into the character's inner thoughts. Not to mention that due to not remembering anything, there isn't MUCH going on his head besides the obvious. The second chapter delves more into his history and his emotions, along with his tie-in to the problem.
4067974
Ok I guess
4067974 This isn't first person at all. The point of view in this fic is third person limited.
Also, point of view is a component—not type—of style.