Chaotic Trouble

by Peaceheart

Fight and Flee Part 1

Chapter 5: Fight and Flee Part 1

"Ragtag, you and the others stay here, we'll take care of this," Rainbow said as she looked her daughter in the eyes. Ragtag quickly nodded up and down and ran into the bushes with her friends.

"Ready?" Blueblood asked evilly.

"Always," Rainbow said as she and the others got ready for the fight.

Sunset and Blueblood used the magic to attack Pinks, Rarity and Twilight, both missing by an inch. "That's it!" Pinkie yelled as she grabbed her Party Cannon from no way. Pinkie was attacking Red with Rainbow, Twilight, Racing Heart, Marshdog were focused on attacking Sunset, Blueblood and Rarity were attacking each other as Applejack and Big Mac were after Mane-iac. Fluttershy and Peace, however were open. Peace being blind and Fluttershy being scared were going to be easy to attack for Red. Red quickly shot magic from his horn just missing Pinkie.

"Ha, you missed!" Rainbow said.

"Look behind you pony," Red said as Rainbow and Pinkie looked behind themselves to see Peace slowly getting up with the help of Fluttershy. Red took this moment to attack Pinkie and Rainbow, who both turned back to Red, to get hit in the process by his magic.

"Pinkie! Rainbow!" Fluttershy yelled as she began to run to her friends, but was stopped by Peace, who quickly stopped her before getting hit by Red's magic.

"Fluttershy, I'll take care of the changeling, you and the kids free Fudge and Spring, okay?" Peace asked as she transformed into a dark blue wolf with green and yellow hair and a pair of wings.

"Okay," Fluttershy said as she ran to the kids.

"You hurt my friends, now it's my turn," Peace said as she stomped on the ground, causing lightning to appear on her paws.

"Now I got a great battle," Red said.

In The Bushes...

"Okay, kids, that's our plan to free Fudge and Spring, okay?" Fluttershy asked.

"Sure, Fluttershy," Dawn said.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Ragtag asked.

"C'mon, guys," Purple said.

Comments

[Shadowlux100]

hmm.....it looks pretty decent so far. Given the fact that you're a new writer, you've got a few grammar errors here and there, spelling looks good, and the format looks nice. The writing itself is a little wonky in places, and there's little detail in a few spots. BUT! Over all, for a new writer, it actually looks great!

A little word of advice. "Detail." That's the key word. In order to attract a reader and make he/she understand the setting and events, you have to put in as much detail as possible without taking the reader out of the story, if that makes any sense to you. Basically, put in more detail, but not too much. You don't want to spoil the story for the reader.

I hope I didn't offend you in any way. It seriously does look good for a start. And hey, you get to be a better writer as you go, so keep up the good work!

[Peaceheart]

That's Shadowlux100 for the advice