Inseptium Nova-Pt 2: You've Gotta Be Bucking Kidding Me...
September 12th, Evening...
“Lyra, No! No, No, No, NO, NO!!” The normally cream-colored Bon-Bon’s face was an irritated pink that matched half her mane as she waved a large wooden spoon and scolded her green Unicorn friend like a dog just inside the front door of the Gilded Griffon; to say that her blood pressure really didn’t need this would be a gross understatement. “Are you even further out of your mind than usual?!”
Volare practically hunkered down under Lyra’s chin as she leaned over him, placing herself somewhat between her exasperated friend and her wheelchair-bound one. “Nope, totally all in here still,” she tapped her own forehead with a hoof. “Volare’s just so hungry he could eat a house, so I brought him to the food.”
House…ha…she nearly said….oh nevermind…
“Why didn’t you take the food to him, Lyra?!” Bon-Bon facehoofed and groaned. “Take him back to the hospital right now!”
“Aww, but he’s already here,” Lyra gestured towards the Pegasus, who was doing his best to not get hit in the head as the argument swirled above him. “Can’t he just”-
“NOW, Lyra!” The Earth Pony shook her spoon threateningly under the Unicorn’s nose. “You heard what happened at the hospital today! If Twilight Sparkle finds out you did something this scatter-brained with him”-
“Ahem, ladies,” Volare cleared his throat loudly, gaining a smile from Lyra and a small, flustered glare from Bon-Bon. “May I put my two bits in?”
“Yeah, let’s hear what he has to say, Bon-Bon,” Lyra nudged her friend. “Maybe he’s totally cool with it.”
“I’m really just worried about what Twilight will do if she finds out you foal-napped him from the Emergency Room,” the Earth Pony returned the nudge in a none-to-gentle fashion. “Of course I’m also worried about his health too,” she quickly added as she caught Volare’s skeptical expression.
“Ok, first off, how’d you all hear about what happened with Twilight?” the Pegasus asked.
“Oh, well, news travels fast in a small town like this,” Bon-Bon shrugged her shoulders helplessly.
“Uh-huh, you mean gossip,” Volare rolled his eyes. “Look, the situation with Twilight is…complicated,” he began, remembering how she’d practically leaped onto him, kissed him, then poured her heart and shame out at his hooves. “But just know that it’s been resolved, and there’s no reason to spread gossip about what happened, ok? She’s my friend and I don’t want anypony spreading rumors that she’s dangerous.” To his surprise, Lyra clapped him on the shoulder with a hoof and smiled.
“Well, if Volare says it’s all good, then I believe him. Bon-Bon?”
“I suppose so,” the Earth Pony mare shrugged again, tapping the wooden spoon against her foreleg in a reluctantly decisive manner.
“And what about you being here? You ok with that too?” the Unicorn smiled encouragingly.
“Well, I didn’t have a whole lot of choice about being brought here, but yes, I am ok with being here right now, if Bon-Bon will let me, that is,” as he looked up hopefully at her, his stomach practically roared in protest. “Eh-heh, sorry; that hospital food isn’t exactly appetizing.”
“It’s the asparagus, I tell ya,” Lyra spoke aside of her hoof before turning back to Bon-Bon. “As you can see, my dear Bon-Bon, Volare’s starving. Now, are you really going to make him go back to the hospital and eat the crud they serve there over your excellent cooking?” she asked in the sweetest tone she could manage. Bon-Bon knew it was a ploy, but the poor Pegasus did look fairly famished…
“Oh…fine,” she finally conceded. Lyra gave a little whoop and began to wheel Volare in but was stopped short by a wooden spoon poking her in the nose. “But if you try any funny business Lyra, so help me, I’ll”-
“Volare?” a familiar, cultured voice called out from near the back wall of the rustic, candle-lit restaurant. A grey mare with a lavender bowtie leaned out from a booth where she’d been sipping her early evening tea at the mention of the Pegasus’ name. She too had heard rumors of what had happened at the emergency room but had yet to see any concrete eveidence until now. But as Lyra waved cheerfully and wheeled the injured stallion towards the booth, Octavia nearly dropped her teacup in shock at the sight of Volare’s condition.
Like Shining Armor, she tried not to stare out of respect for her friend, but…well, it wasn’t often you saw a pony alive with injuries like that! But before she could either apologize or offer her condolences, a loud voice rang out from the kitchen.
“Volare? Where!?” the double doors swung open to reveal the wild-maned, off-white Unicorn Vinyl Scratch. She was wearing her trademark shades despite it being indoors and nearly sunset, and hanging around her body was a stained apron that read WUB THE COOK in large bold lettering. With a grin that practically devoured the bottom half of her face, her head swiveled left and right as she trotted into the room and right past the seated Pegasus.
“I swear, when I see that guy I’m gonna give him the biggest frickin’ flying tackle hug of all”- She then turned around, saw Volare, and her jaw dropped open at the pitiful sight. She lifted her shades in shock as she did nothing in comparison to Octavia in regards to not staring. “…time…”
“Heya Vinyl,” Volare gave her a crooked grin. “Sorry to disappoint you, but as great as that sounds, I dunno if my poor body can take much more fun right now.”
“Holy hay, dude,” the DJ breathed softly. Like the others, she just couldn’t recall seeing a pony this injured up close and personal like this; it was rather disquieting to say the least. She took a step towards him before leaning against the booth, a little light-headed as she took in the bandages, the cast, and the blood-stained gauze pads that seemed to be the only things holding his body together. Seems like every time I meet this guy, he’s in worse and worse shape. “What happened? Wait a sec, you weren’t at that one rave in Fillydelphia where the roof caught fire and fell in, were you?”
“No, I actually got attacked by wild animals,” Volare dead-panned, though now he was mildly concerned about just how crazy Vinyl’s latest tour had been.
“Jeez…” the DJ muttered under her breath as she took another step towards him, raised a hoof as if to embrace him, then stopped. The normally boisterous Unicorn was acting almost tentative, as if she were unsure exactly what was ok to do and say around him. “Sorry about what I said I was gonna do, dude…I just didn’t have any idea you got so…”
“Bucked up?” he offered, finding he actually preferred the local dialect to the alternative word. It conveyed the same meaning without seeming as dirty and rude...plus he had to get used to watching his mouth, especially if he was going to be living around Scootaloo...might as well start early.
“Yeah…sorry.” But the Pegasus snorted and beckoned her closer.
“Hey, I’m fine. Just a little more beaten up than usual, but I’m gonna live, ok?” As soon as she was within reach, he pulled her into a one-hoofed hug with his good leg. “No comments are off-limits cuz I’ll probably shoot a few back myself, and as long as you don’t jump on me, I’m pretty much ok with anything on my left side. So don’t any of you guys hold back, ok?” He released her and grinned. “Good enough?”
“Yeah, that’ll hold me,” she returned the grin with one of her own, glad he was taking this well before his stomach groaned yet again, causing her to chuckle softly. “Jeez, you’re just all kinds of messed up today! Bon-Bon, you got that soup ready to go yet, cuz I don’t think hugs are gonna hold ol’ Volare together here much longer!”
“You tell me, you wubbing foal,” the Earth Pony waved her spoon. “Wasn’t that what you were working on back there?”
“…oh, right,” the DJ grinned sheepishly, plunked her shades back on, and galloped back into the kitchen, where numerous clatterings and bangings were soon heard as she hastily completed her task.
“I didn’t know Vinyl could cook,” Volare mused.
“Oh, you can thank Octy for that,” Lyra gestured towards the grey mare who nodded demurely.
“Well, I wasn’t about to let her live with me without her at least possessing some sort of housekeeping skill,” she chuckled. “She seemed better at making a mess more than anything, but once I showed her the basics, I couldn’t keep her out of the kitchen.”
“Well, it’s definitely helped on those long, lonely tour nights,” Vinyl declared as she hovered a large steaming kettle out into the dining area. “Cuz the other option of greasy fast food, while fun at first, really doesn’t do my stomach any favors after a while. Ahh, hope you guys like this,” she grinned as plunked the pot down and doled out smaller bowls to her friends. The enticing aroma of onions and potatoes washed over Volare, whose mouth began to water as he couldn’t help but stare at the meal before him. Lyra pushed the Pegasus up to the table edge and quickly filled his bowl before hoofing him a spoon. He dug in with gusto, savoring every last bit of the soup that washed away any memory of the hospital food he’d tried to choke down earlier. Sorry Nurse Redheart, but I think I’ll be bunking at this place while I recover, thank you very much!
After the initial few minutes of silence broken only by the clink of spoons in bowls, the five ponies eventually began to chat and fill each other in on the events that had occurred over the past two weeks, starting with Vinyl Scratch’s tour up and down the East Coast. Volare was rather intent on not interrupting the reunion of the four companions, but Lyra had other ideas; as far as she was concerned, he was a much a part of this group as any one of them!
“Oooh, I’ve already heard this one,” she nudged Volare with an elbow. “This is hilarious. Go on and tell’m, Scratch!”
Immediately, the DJ got fairly serious and spoke in a tone that one might use while reciting something awfully tedious…or awfully familiar. “Ok, just a heads-up: I’m not supposed to talk about certain events that may or may not have happened on my latest tour, or so says my attorney.”
“Oh boy, who’s your attorney?” Volare asked around a spoonful of soup.
“Me,” Octavia answered matter-of-factly, causing the Pegasus to burst out laughing.
“Makes sense, surprisingly. Go on, Vinyl.”
“However,” the DJ grinned cheekily. “I can tell ya what I might have seen…my mind was kinda whacked out during half of those shows and there’s no telling what I might have seen was real or a hallucination, right Octy?”
“Indeed,” the grey mare nodded, causing Volare to facehoof.
“Since when did you become a lawyer, Octavia?”
“Oh, certain mares that live with certain roommates that may or may not half-destroy their musical venues on a nightly basis often have to do a little late-night reading on these subjects,” the cellist shrugged.
“Alright, then what can you talk about?” Volare queried, a little wary of what he was about to hear.
“Ok, I’ll tell ya what I can “remember,”” she air quoted with her hooves before smirking knowingly. She paused and eyed each pony in the room from behind her shades before speaking in a dramatic fashion. “…It was a dark and stormy night”-
“Oh, come off it, Vinyl!” Octavia snorted and threw a napkin and hit her-splat-right in the face. “You might as well tell the bloody truth if you’re going to be this over-the-top! Or at the very least, stop being so dramatic about it; it's not like anypony died, right?" Her tone caused Volare to slowly stare back over at the DJ, who simply shrugged her shoulders in an 'I dunno what the heck you're talking about' fashion.
“Heh-heh, fine, fine,” the DJ chuckled and tossed the napkin back to the tabletop. “Ok, ok, so it wasn’t stormy, though it was kind rainy when I set out the day after meeting you and your music, Volare, which I spent the whole afternoon remixing into my own brand of tunes,” she nodded to the Pegasus. “I traveled to Baltimare first, and things were pretty normal, that is, until I played the first song that you played for me waaay back when at Twilight’s place.”
“Um…Sweet Child O’ Mine?” Volare offered; a lot had happened in the last two weeks to remember something that specific.
“That’s the one. Turns out nopony in Baltimare was familiar with rock ‘n roll, and…well…they kinda freaked out when I played it.”
“Oh, damn…freaked out bad or good?” Volare winced.
“Oh, just your general freak out at first, but when I played a second rock song, they got kinda used to it, and by the end of the show, they were calling for more-but I didn’t have anymore!” she held out her hooves helplessly. “And that’s kinda when the trouble started that night…”
“Uh-oh, what happened?”
“Well, when you give a buncha crazy ravers something they really want…it’s not a good idea to deny that from them until they’ve had their fill first,” Vinyl scratched the back of her head nervously. “With only a limited set, and them not interested in any repeats, they kinda got…rowdy, to say the least. So I had to haul flank out to the wagon and get the hay outta there.”
“Heh, you’re leaving out the part of when the crowd knocked out the back wall of the place trying to catch you,” Lyra laughed fitfully, causing Bon-Bon to thwack her on the shoulder with her spoon. Octavia was rolling her eyes, and Volare could only sit there with a bemused expression, eye twitching ever so slightly.
“Damn…sorry my music caused that,” he apologized sheepishly.
“Nah, it’s not your fault, dude,” Vinyl hoofed him lightly. “Besides, in all the confusion, the stage manager didn’t get a chance to collect his cut from me, so I had a few hundred extra bits to sling around when I got to Maretha’s Vineyard for my two-nighter there.”
“Ah, Maretha’s Vineyard,” Octavia reminisced. “There’s no better vacation retreat on the east coast.”
“Yeah, till DJ-PON3 dropped by for a visit,” Bon-Bon groaned. “I heard that the every single stained-glass window in the old cathedral they had you playing in was destroyed on the first night, Vinyl!”
“Not my might fault they didn’t put a sound-proof spell on them,” the DJ shrugged innocently, drawing a laugh from Volare.
“Lemme guess, you’re gonna blame Slash again?” he asked.
“Nah, the song that did the windows in was actually Back In Black,” the Unicorn chuckled and leaned back in her seat, as if it were no big deal that she’d just destroyed over 200 hundred years worth of history. Bon-Bon glared at her incredulously, while Octavia only chuckled softly; Celestia forbid it, but she might have been getting used to the madness that was her roommate.
“What happened after that?” Volare queried, morbidly curious as to what chaos the music he’d given the DJ had caused afterwards.
“Well, I didn’t really have to run out of Maretha’s Vineyard, but I definitely didn’t stay past the second night. I hoofed it up the coast as fast as I could and took a few day’s rest in the next town over.”
“Which town was that?” the Pegasus asked as he grabbed another bowlful of Vinyl’s soup.
“Fillydelphia.”
“Oh…”
“Yeah…that didn’t go too well,” she winced behind her shades, the first evidence of her being somewhat regretful of what had happened. “I think I’m gonna have to play in roofless venues from now on.”
“Dare I ask which song caused the roof to catch fire?” Volare pushed ever so slightly.
“Uh, yeah, that one about the river…Chatahoocha-macallit,” the Unicorn. “I had some pyrotechnics left over from Baltimare so I figured ‘what the hay’, and used them during that song.” Her response left Volare’s jaw dangling.
“You’re telling me you used a buncha explosions during a country music song?”
“Yeah, something wrong with that?” she tilted her head as Volare facehoofed.
“Pyrotechnics on Earth are…kinda reserved for rock music,” he explained. “Using them during country music songs is…practically bad taste.”
“Oh…” the DJ’s ears drooped slightly. “Well, maybe you can come on my next tour and you can tell me what’s best to use and when, eh?” she nudged him with an elbow, drawing a grin from the Pegasus and a look of disbelief from Octavia and Bon-Bon.
“Maybe,” Volare mused for a moment before realizing something. In the show, he remembered the crazy rock show the CMC had put on during an episode, so rock wasn’t completely unheard of. But two of the most musical ponies in Ponyville had both claimed to have no knowledge of electric guitar until he explained the concept to them…something wasn’t adding up where to professionals hadn’t heard of it while three little fillies had. But when he voiced these concerns to the two, they returned his questions with soft chuckles.
“It’s not that rock isn’t completely unknown in Equestria,” Vinyl explained. “It’s just that what is played here has music created magically by Unicorns and has pretty much no lyrical backing like your music.”
“Indeed, most lyrical music here is of a more…refined nature. That might explain the rather crazed reaction your music caused in those already mentally-loosened ponies at Vinyl’s shows,” Octavia nodded.
“So that’s why you guys seemed unsure about electric guitars,” Volare mused. “You knew of the music, but the way it’s created here is much different than what I described....interesting”
“Yes, the only stringed instruments I’d ever had experience with were things like my cello,” she nodded to the large wooden instrument and bow leaning up in the corner of the booth next to theirs. “And Lyra’s lyre. Not exactly the most rocking musical pieces ever invented. And that’s why I was so surprised when you said that the instrumentation in those songs was created by stringed instruments. Heh, and also why I was poking fun at Vinyl because she thought that stringed instruments were suited for nothing beyond slow-paced, cultured music; not that there's anything wrong with that of course."
"Boring", the DJ mouthed in Volare's direction, causing him to barely suppress a laugh.
“I see,” the Pegasus nodded; now it made sense. “Hard to play a stringed instrument without a bow or magic, eh?”
“Exactly…not that I’m complaining; I love my cello,” the Earth Pony smiled. “Oh, that reminds me: you said you were from a place called Earth, right?”
“It’s a different planet, yep,” Volare nodded.
“I remember, though I’m not much less confused than I was the last time you mentioned it,” Octavia conceded before being interrupted by Bon-Bon.
“Whoa, whoa, hold on a second here,” she stared at Volare. “Nopony ever told me you’re from another planet! How’d you get here?!”
“I’ll explain it shortly, Bon-Bon,” the Pegasus assured her. He felt he could trust his friends at the very least with this sort of information (though he had no idea how it could possibly be abused anyway). Besides, the lack of weight of keeping it a secret had helped ease his fears about it with Scootaloo… He had a feeling he knew the next question to be asked, though, and he braced himself for it.
“Well, you said a particular race lives there called humans, right? And that this particular style of music is played by them?” But Lyra preempted Volare before he could answer.
“Yep, that’s right, they do! I’m kinda a semi-expert on them,” she declared with a grin. “Makes me wonder how ol’ Volare’s favorite sort of music is a type that can’t be played with hooves like his. Nope, it’s gotta be played with something the humans have called hands,” she wiggled her forehooves in the air. “Hands are soooo cool and useful! Can you imagine the things we could do if we had them?"
“Well, he obviously heard it when he lived there,” Octavia countered, ignoring Lyra's mild obsession with hands. “Besides, Volare already admitted to not being able to play or write music himself, no offense,” she nodded to the Pegasus.
“None taken, I guess,” Volare blushed as the somewhat embarrassing announcement was made in the presence of three of the greatest musicians in Ponyville.
“Hey, ya don’t have to know it to know it’s good, I always say,” Vinyl grinned and hoofed him lightly, bringing a smile to his lips.
“That almost made sense Vinyl, bravo,” Octavia clapped her hooves on the tabletop before turning back to Lyra. “You were saying?”
“You say Volare must know the music because he lived on Earth and heard it there, right? Well, I just so happened to have a little conversation with Princess Celestia herself up in Canterlot about Earth…and it turns out that Pegasi don’t live there.” She gave Volare a squinty, knowing smile and he began to sweat slightly under her wide, golden-eyed gaze.
“Whoa, whoa, ok, now you’re telling me that Celestia herself knows of Earth?!” Bon-Bon demanded.
“Yeah, she’s apparently known about it for over 1000 years or more,” Volare replied to the shocked Earth Pony.
“Does anypony else here feel completely out of the loop too?”
“Meh, I think it’s just you, Bon-Bon,” Lyra snickered and dodged the wooden spoon again.
“But wait a sec, guys,” Vinyl spoke up. “If Pegasi don’t live there on Earth at all, how’d Volare hear all this human music in the first place?” She eyed the Pegasus a bit warily through her shades. “Got something you wanna tell us, dude?”
“Yes, how could you know all of this?” Octavia queried, leaning across the table curiously. Those two, combined with Bon-Bon awaiting an explanation and Lyra practically grinning her head off (didn’t she already claim to know anyway?! WTF Lyra?) finally caused Volare to cave.
“Aw, hell, guess there’s no real reason to hide this anymore either,” he sighed. Well, Twilight had assured him that Celestia would allow him to stay despite being what he was… He nodded decisively and looked up from his soup. “Guys…I wasn’t born a Pegasus on Earth. In fact, I was never a Pegasus on Earth.”
“Say what now?” Bon-Bon scratched her head in confusion. “That hardly makes sense, Volare.”
“I know it sounds crazy from the outset, but I was actually born a human before arriving here,” his words shocked all of them except Lyra into befuddled silence, their heads moving back and forth between the mint-green Unicorn and the blue Pegasus as they conversed. “I think Lyra here even guessed it at some point, right?”
“Uh, heh, I kinda did after I spoke with Celestia,” she said a bit sheepishly. “But then you got all hurt and when I came to talk to you about it last night…I kinda, sorta listened in on you and Scootaloo on accident.” To her surprise, he didn’t get angry. Instead, his eyebrow merely raised a touch.
“You did, eh?”
“Yeah, that was…really touching, Volare,” Lyra wiped her eye for a moment. “I think you’ll make a great big brother for her, even if you’re not a true Pegasus.”
“Tell me…was that you that moved her bed?” he asked, recalling how Scootaloo’s bed had seemed to miraculously slide closer to his.
“Hrm….could have been,” Lyra replied with a wink and a smile.
“Thanks for that…really,” Volare smiled in return before Bon-Bon whacked the tabletop with her spoon, unable to sit there with her jaw dangling any more. She’d obviously been missing out on the juiciest gossip to pass through Ponyville in some time and she wasn’t about to be denied any longer!
“Ok, can somepony please explain to me what I’ve been missing here, cuz I feel like my head’s about to go flying off my neck if I keep twisting it back and forth like this!” She took a breath and composed herself when she realized the mini-scene she was making. “Ahem, sorry…Volare…Lyra…somepony, could you please let me into the loop now?”
“Heh, sure thing, Bon-Bon,” Volare nodded and pushed the empty soup bowl away from himself and sighed; that had really hit the spot, but he was getting a bit tired of having to repeat himself on this subject. “Man, I just feel like a broken record in regards to my story cuz I keep having to tell it over and over.”
“Oh, I can actually fix that,” Vinyl held up a hoof and trotted into the kitchen, emerging a short time later with her saddlebag. She sat the double-note-labeled bag on the adjacent table and rummaged through it before pulling out her familiar recording equipment. The DJ sat the black sphere on the table and then clipped a tiny black bud to Volare’s bandages and grinned. “Compared to the thought-recorder, this is pretty simple stuff. Just speak your story and it’ll get picked up by this mic and it’ll get sent here,” she patted the sphere. “I’ll getcha a personal copy of it. Then, when you wanna tell your story again without wasting a whole lotta time, just pop these in their ears,” she waved the earbuds that had nearly blown the Pegasus’ mind last time he’d worn them. “It’ll play their minds a condensed audio version of your story within a minute or so, and then they’ll know all of it.”
“Just like that, huh?” he asked, astounded.
“Just like that,” she clapped the tabletop.
“Wow, that’s really impressive and time-saving, Vinyl,” he conceded. Transferring thoughts and information like data downloads on Earth…jeez, it’d probably eliminate the need for the public school system, to be sure…
“Seems like it would save an awful lot of parchment and writing as well,” Octavia added.
“My own design,” Vinyl grinned and turned back to Volare. “But ya gotta make the initial recording here first,” she tapped the mic on his chest. “Which, depending on length, might take a few hours. You up to it, dude?”
Anything to keep from having to constantly repeat myself…
“Depends on how long you guys are willing to sit here and listen to me ramble on about myself,” he chuckled.
“I’m cool with it,” Lyra nodded.
“I'll stay as well,” Octavia decided. “But I suppose I’ll have to put on another pot of tea if I’m going to stay that long,” she smiled politely and headed for the kitchen. "You like it strong?"
"Strong as you've got, Octy," Volare replied.
“Well, I’m not about to run off without my equipment, so you know I’m sticking around,” Vinyl declared. Everpony then turned to Bon-Bon, who surprised them all with her response.
“Enough delay already,” she cried. “Let’s get this show on the road! I wanna know what I’ve been missing out on!”
“Heh-heh, you asked for it,” Volare laughed and turned to Vinyl. “Where do I start?”
“Oh, any old place,” she fiddled with a button on the sphere. “How about starting on how you got here; Pinkie never really explained much more to me and Octy other than the fact that you’re from Earth and like music, so don’t worry about thinking you’re rehashing old stuff to me and her, ok? Just go with it, dude,” she hoofed him again and grinned.
“Well, alrighty then!” Volare said in his best Ace Ventura impression, suddenly glad these mares didn’t get Earth references yet. Feeling empowered, relaxed, well-fed, and a little silly, he threw another one in for good measure: “Hold onto your butts!”
---------------------------
Twilight's Library...
“Ok Spike, I’m going to need complete concentration for this,” Twilight Sparkle declared as she situated herself on a plush cushion in the middle of her bedroom. She’d been unable to contact Princess Luna and Shining Armor before they'd returned to Fluttershy’s Cottage, but she felt it polite to wait until morning, especially considering the past 48 hours’ events. Instead, she intended to make one last-ditch effort to recover find that healing spell within the recesses of her mind, specifically the memories of the night when she, Spike, and Pinkie Pie had snuck into the Canterlot Archives. She’d explained the situation to her assistant, who had done his best to make her as comfortable as possible, as she’d said that this could take quite a few hours to accomplish, depending on how thoroughly she had to search.
“Isn’t this basically the same memory spell you used on the others when Discord messed their minds all up?” the young dragon asked, grimacing at the memory of the painful time when their best friends had been reduced to fighting amongst themselves due to the Master of Chaos’ tricks.
“It’s exactly the same spell, Spike,” Twilight confirmed, settling further into the cushion and stretching her neck and limbs in preparation. “The only difference is that instead of me using memories to clean up a messy mind, as theirs was, I’m using it to explore my own mind, which is already fairly well organized.”
“For the most part,” Spike muttered under his breath.
“Riiiight,” she eyed her assistant for a moment before continuing. “By going into my memories and searching them manually, I actually stand a better chance of recalling very specific information such as this spell. However, I have to be extremely careful while doing it.”
“Why’s that?” Spike asked with concern. “They’re just memories; it’s not like you could get in trouble for real in there, can you?” he pointed at her head.
“It’s not that, Spike,” the Unicorn shook her head. “It’s that our memories and personal experiences make us who we are at this moment in time. Messing up memories can be just as bad as physically messing with the past; get one too many things out of place, and it could alter everything in a butterfly effect.”
“Hmm, for example?” the dragon waved his claw for her to extrapolate.
“Ok, ummm…say I go into my memories and while there I do something as simple as knock over and break that lamp,” she nodded at the lamp beside her bed. “Not so bad, right?”
“Doesn’t seem that way,” the dragon scratched his spines.
“Well, because I destroyed my memory of that lamp, I’ll have no memory of it in reality, so I might one day see that lamp and say: hrm…is that a new lamp?”
“How’s that bad?” Spike tilted his head in puzzlement.
“That’s just a basic example, Spike,” Twilight frowned. “Imagine if I made a bigger mistake, like accidentally burning down the Library or something, Celestia forbid. And then I come out of my memories inside said Library that, according to my memories, shouldn’t even exist! It could cause me to lose my mind because things aren’t adding up anymore,” she said with a grimness that made Spike get shivers on his arms.
“Eesh…” Spike gulped, the implications of what she’d said finally starting to hit him. “What if you…I dunno, killed somepony on accident in your mind….what then?”
“Well, it’d be just like anything else destroyed in the mind,” Twilight replied, her brow furrowed with concern. “I’d retain no memory of them…it would be like I never knew them at all…”
“That’s horrible!” Spike gasped, his claws shooting to his mouth before he could stop himself. But Twilight merely nodded grimly and continued.
“Exactly, which is why I need total concentration when I perform this spell. If I alter so much as one tiny thing in my mind, it could change everything.”
“Right, right, gotcha,” Spike patted her hoof in understanding and headed for the door. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me. What if somepony comes to the door?”
“Tell them I’m…very indisposed at the moment,” she smiled solemnly as Spike closed the door. The Unicorn breathed deeply a few times to center her mind before closing her eyes and casting a white-hued spell that enveloped her entire body from horn to hooves. She focused on the exact time and date of when she and her friends had entered the Archives, and in her mind’s eye, she was whisked across Equestria, through the night, and into Canterlot itself, finally stopping outside the Archive Building itself. After a moment’s hesitation, she blinked and looked around, feeling somewhat…lighter than usual, as if she weren’t quite all there. In actuality, she was a semi-tangible apparition, unnoticeable by her memories unless she made herself known, which was exactly what she didn’t want. It was exactly how she felt when she’d entered Volare’s dreams two weeks ago.
She quickly shook the thought away and observed the evening-clad building, still neat and pristine, and without any of the damage defacing it from the Changeling attack that wouldn’t come for some months yet. Strangely, the ambiance of the night seemed artificially silent, lacking the usual sounds of crickets and night-birds chirping in the trees. Interesting…maybe my memory of these minor details is already fading… Even the breeze seemed to be somewhat lacking; in truth, the only real noises she could hear were the splashings of the numerous fountains near the Archives and the clip-clop of approaching hooves and small dragon claws.
“I still don’t see how sneaking into the Archives is gonna help her find out about her birthday present,” a bubbly voice reached her ear, and she turned to see the memory of Pinkie and Spike all dressed in black and leisurely approaching the Archives while she couldn’t help but guffaw at the character the memory of herself cut, sneaking from bush to tree to fountain like some sort of secret agent; though she had to admit it was rather surreal watching herself do these things again in person. She blushed in embarrassment despite the lack of any other real pony being around as she watched herself get tossed through the window, followed by Pinkie and Spike.
After a moment of rolling her eyes, she quickly hopped in through the window and watched as the trio of prowlers began to sneak their way through the Archives…they’d be back soon… Twilight sighed and sat down to wait, silently observing the unwrecked memory of the Archives structure, its many arches and pillars unmarred from the attack, the tapestries intact, and the lack of construction material stacks all over the place. She found herself sighing a bit: if only there was a way to go back and REALLY change the past using these memories…the catastrophe that could be prevented…
Again, she found herself chuckling softly; she’d already tried that and it had only led to her past self worrying herself silly. Nope, best to leave the past alone, memories included. Well, speak of the devil, here I come, she thought as she watched herself, Pinkie, and Spike finish their trek around the building.
“Ok, if my calculations are correct, the Starswirl the Bearded Wing should be right…here!” her memory declared…right in the exact same spot in which they’d entered the place.
“Um, Twilight?” Spike spoke up.
“What is it Spike?” her memory asked with an excited smile.
“Isn’t this where we came in?” the dragon asked in annoyance and motioned at the window, through which Pinkie Pie suddenly popped again.
“Cool! Can we climb in the window again?” the party pony giggled. “That was super fun!”
“I don’t understand,” her memory paced back and forth in frustration. “It’s supposed to be right here! How’re we supposed to find it now!?”
“Maybe we should ask somepony in the Starswirl the Bearded Wing,” Twilight mouthed right along with Pinkie Pie’s suggestion as she pointed at the Wing door that lay right across the hall from where they’d entered in the first place. Twilight’s memory stared at the portcullis-covered door in befuddlement.
“Huh-how’d I miss that?”
How HAD she missed that…this certainly gave a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘hindsight is 20/20’ Twilight facehoofed as her memory stared hungrily in through the bars at all the scrolls and books sorted neatly inside the place instead of being thrown and stacked haphazardly as they currently were in reality. Eesh, this difference in my memory and reality is giving me a headache, the Unicorn said to herself as an Archive Guard, one she didn’t recognize, approached her terrified memory before he greeted her cheerfully and opened the gate for her.
“Heh-heh, thanks,” her memory smiled sheepishly before following her friends into the Wing. Shaking her head in minor disbelief at the situation, she pursued herself through the iron gate and watched as her self-image caught sight of herself in a bronze-framed mirror and gasped at her appearance.
Hold on a second, she thought as she watched herself bemoan the situation. I don’t remember that mirror being here when Shining Armor, Celestia, and I spoke with Greymane… She did remember the piles of broken glass piled here and there, but she’d simply assumed them to all be from the broken hourglass, the memory version of which was still towering over the room and intact. She certainly hadn’t remembered seeing the frame for that mirror either…weird. She wasn’t even sure why it seemed to be that big of a deal anyway, but for some odd reason, its lack of appearance in reality was bugging her…and since she hadn’t meddled with the memory of it and because it was hardly possible to create something that significant in a memory on mere accident, it had to have been there that night she snuck in;. Maybe she’d ask about that next time she was in Canterlot…
“But how do we find the Time-Stopping Spell?” Spike's voice cut into her inner (inner?) thoughts.
“I…don’t…know!” her memory groaned loudly.
Twilight groaned herself and watched closely as her memory began searching the scrolls at a frantic pace. Ok Twilight, if you ever truly paid attention in your life, now’s the time to do so!
-----------------------
Fillydelphia…
“Hey, watch it, ya multi-colored weirdo,” a large green Earth Pony shouted as Rainbow Dash bumped her shoulder against his as she trotted along the sidewalk, attempting to take in the sight of the historical old city. It would have been nice…but the locals were definitely ruining it for her; apparently, they didn’t take kindly to out-of-towners, even ones as famous as her. City of Neigh-borly love, my flank! The only thing that had kept her from caving in the heads of some of these guys was her desire to keep Derpy’s reputation as mail-mare intact. “Ya hear me, I’m walkin’ here!” the Earth Pony barked inches from her nose.
Alright, that’s it! When in Roam…
“Oh yeah, well you’re gonna be limping pretty quick if you don’t get outta my face, buddy!” She flared her wings and growled.
“Believe you me, I can’t get away from your ugly mug fast enough!” the Earth Pony snorted and turned away before kicking the dirt off his hooves in her direction and trotting off down the street. Rainbow Dash fought every urge in her body to fly after him and kick his flank across town…but instead she counted to 10 and shook her head; she’d already been in one senseless argument recently, and she didn’t need another on her mind. With a kick of finality directed at a small stone on the sidewalk, the Element of Loyalty took to the sky to search for the Post Office. Derpy had said they’d be able to give her the correct route she’d have to follow for the next three days.
“Hey watch it, I’m flyin’ here!” an orange and blue Pegasus shook his hoof at her as she jetted past him. You gotta be bucking kidding me…these next three days are gonna suck… She sighed and glanced back towards the south and Ponyville, her home…where Volare was likely lying in bed, broken all to pieces in a selfless act of heroism that not even she could come close to topping. For her to argue over petty things while her friend was hurt and needed her help…no…not gonna let it get to me she decided and continued her search for the Post Office. I’m not gonna be delayed one more minute than I have to here…Volare, I’ll be home as soon as I can…and you better be well enough to sit up and hug me…or something…brave idiot…urgh, I’m gonna kill him for making me worry…
--------------------------
Ponyville…
“Well, at least things could be worse,” the green-maned Unicorn Ray mused as he and his sister Jill trotted down the evening streets of Ponyville’s Town Square. Most ponies were in their homes by now, the market stalls having closed some time ago, leaving the duo to trot down the sidewalk at their leisure. They weren’t exactly trying to hide tonight, even having left their cloaks at the Ponyville Inn, for it was only the first day of autumn and wearing heavy cloaks on a relatively comfortable night like tonight might have actually drawn more undue attention than necessary. A plump bag of bits jingled at his hip, courtesy of The Great and Powerful Trixie (though certainly not at her consent), and the two had one purpose in mind: to drown their failure to capture Scootaloo in the strongest alcoholic beverages they could find.
“Oh yeah, what’s that supposed to mean?” Jill growled, pausing to rub gently at her still-painfully-throbbing face injuries left over from the previous day’s fight with Volare and Scootaloo.
“Well, even though we failed rather spectacularly,” Ray snickered, drawing a glare from his sister. “The Boss hasn’t sent anypony to eliminate us, nor has he shown up to do it himself.”
“Well, even he’s not dumb enough to pull a stunt like that in the middle of Ponyville,” Jill rolled her eyes, her tongue running over the teeth she’d replaced that morning from what she’d been able to find scattered on the riverbank. “Blech, I think I’ve got a few of your molars in here,” she spat in disgust.
“How ya figure that?” the male asked as they passed the Ponyville Spa; that particular business still appeared to be open, with soft blue, flickering lights emanating from the windows. What he wouldn’t give for a full-body massage right now…Luna knew he needed it!
“Cuz I always kept my teeth clean. I think there’re rotten spots in a few of these,” she spat again, causing Ray to chuckle.
“Heh-heh, well, even so, you admit it could be worse,” he snorted.
“Yeah, I suppose so,” Jill stopped touching her teeth and focused on searching for a good place to get wasted.
“A few things are still bugging me, though,” Ray rubbed his chin as he trotted.
“Oh goddess, what now? You feeling bad for robbing poor old Trixie blind?” Jill scoffed. “Come on, she’s lost in the Everfree Forest. She won’t need the money where she’s going; besides, now we know where she kept getting the bits from, and in my opinion, I’m glad we did what we did, when we did. Didn’t look like she could keep paying us for too much longer anyways,” she nudged the bag of bits with her magic.
“Well, I do feel somewhat crappy for doing that,” Ray conceded. “I mean, she did provide for us for months.”
“Pah, and made you grovel and debase yourself in her presence,” Jill checked her brother with her hip with a sardonic grin. “Trust me, this was for the best. She was useless, high on the stink of her own piss, and unreasonably overbearing. At least The Boss has standards for employees like us, right?”
“I guess,” Ray said with a tinge of uncertainty as they passed Sugarcube Corner, the lights in that building out for the night and the occupants more than likely fast asleep by this hour. “That’s the other thing that’s bothering me, though.”
“Oh Nightmare Moon in heaven, what is it now, Ray?!” Jill facehoofed in disbelief. “How am I supposed to focus on getting plastered with you constantly bugging me with your personal regrets?!”
“It involves the Boss,” Ray replied grimly, his tone instantly calming Jill visibly. “He…hardly seemed angry that we failed so badly. In fact, he almost seemed amused by the entire debacle…isn’t that weird? It’s like he was expecting this to happen or something.”
“What, you think he can tell the future now?” Jill sneered, though her eye did trail down to the watch that Ray constantly wore, looking for that tell-tale dull green glow that indicated that things on the other end of the line might not be sleeping like everypony else at this time of night…it was dark and silent though, and she resumed her confident attitude. “Come on, Ray; you’re overthinking this stuff too much! I personally think we caught him on a good day, and he considered all the success we’ve had for him so far, so he cut us a break, and that’s it! Besides, who the hay could he send to off us anyway? You know we’re tougher than anypony in this town!”
“Yeah, only because he allowed us to be that way,” Ray chided Jill, glancing towards the shadows of a nearby alley they were passing, half-expecting to see eyes watching them in the darkness, waiting for them to say the wrong thing so they could report to Him…He seemed to have spies all over the damn place! “I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that if we attempted to defy him, he could just as easily take that power away too!”
“Pfft, whatever,” Jill blew a raspberry at the alleyway in a mocking fashion. “He doesn’t scare me that bad.”
“So says the pony that ran from The Element of Loyalty yesterday,” Ray shot back rather bitingly, drawing a shove from his sister.
“Hey, that was different; we weren’t in any position to use magic and really put up a fight! Besides, we were already beat up by that Volare guy,” she practically spat his name. “What I really wanna know is how in Tartarus that guy put up such a damn fight, and all for that little brat filly too!”
“You got me on that one, but I’ve never seen somepony just not back down like that,” Ray replied. Then again, a brother’s love is a powerful thing…
“Well, in any case, I can tell ya this much: if we could have really fought back, I wouldn’t have run from any of the Element Holders!” Jill boasted. “Seriously, I dunno why you’re afraid of those guys anyways; they seem like a buncha over-friendly, happy-go-lucky pushovers who totally lack a killer instinct,” she snickered as they passed the Ponyville Clock Tower, which read 8:45 PM. Her snickering faded as she caught the slightly sickened expression on her brother’s face, as if he were reviewing things in his mind that he’d rather not think about in the first place. “Ray, what’s gotten into you?” Jill nudged him, but he caught her hoof with his magic and pushed it away. “What the hay gives, huh?”
“Jill…I’m disappointed in you,” he clicked his teeth as he spoke towards the cobblestone street. “You’re blinded by your overconfidence.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked, the slightest bit of uncertainty entering her words at the suddenly stern tone of her brother’s normally rather soft-spoken voice.
“You’re making a whole load of foolish, uneducated, disrespectful statements, and sooner or later, they’re gonna get you killed,” he looked up at her, his brow creased in concern for his sister. “And you know that’s the last thing I want.”
“Aww, Ray, don’t get all sappy on me right now,” Jill pretended to gag, but the sincere look on her brother’s face finally caused her to cave, and with a groan she relented. “Ok, ok, what’s on your mind, bro?”
“You want to know why I fear and most importantly respect the Element Holders?”
“Ugh, if it’ll get rid of that long face of yours and tell me how to beat those guys when the time comes, sure,” she nodded impatiently; she didn’t wanna take too long on this, or else she’d lose her desire to get hammered. “Educate me, brother.”
“With pleasure,” Ray halted and leaned against the brick façade of what looked to be a Joke Shop, closed for the evening. With a deep sigh and shake of his head (I’m only having the patience to do this because I know it could keep you alive, sis), he began.
“I’m taking this as best as I can from the safety manual on The Elements The Boss supplied for us…you did read it, didn’t you?”
“Uhhh…” Jill grinned sheepishly. “I might have skimmed it?”
“Ugh, I’m gonna take that as a no,” Ray rolled his eyes. “Although that would go a long way to explain your disrespectful attitude towards our potential opponents. Did you know that you’re not the first to underestimate them? Does the name Discord ring a bell?”
“That draconequus weirdo that turned this place upside down a while back?” Jill mused. “Yeah, I remember hearing something about that. Why, what did he do, get all arrogant and let them attack him?”
“…”
“Oh you can’t be serious,” Jill facehoofed.
“Held a big target on his chest and everything,” Ray confirmed grimly. “The point is, even with the amount of power he had, he dropped his guard for an instant, and it was his downfall…and he held more power in one single claw than we could ever hope to have combined, even with The Boss’ knowledge and assistance.”
“Jeez,” his sister’s eyes had dilated considerably as she digested this revelation.
“They also were the ones to defeat Nightmare Moon,” Ray added, causing Jill’s jaw to drop. “All because she underestimated their combined power and dropped her guard in her arrogance.”
“Holy hay…” Jill slumped against the wall. And here she was boasting about taking them all on by herself…she wouldn’t last a second against them if what Ray said was true…
“Got your attention now?” Ray asked derisively.
“Y-yeah…I just never knew it was them that beat those guys,” Jill admitted. “I always assumed it was Celestia or Luna or somepony else…but that hodge-podge of mares are the ones that did all that?!”
“Indeed, they were,” Ray nodded. “Now then, allow me to explain why The Boss has no intention of making those same mistakes; the reasons why he respects them as foes, and why he expects us to respect them as well, especially when they’re together. However, he believes that if we understand why they’re dangerous, we won’t get taken by surprise, giving us a chance to either fight or run successfully.”
“I’m all ears,” his sister replied sincerely as his brother paused, eyeing a pair of chatting Unicorns that trotted past them, engrossed in their own conversation about what to wear for the autumn season. They were no threat, the duo surmised and resumed their conversation after a moment, moving a little further away from the street and around the back corner of the Joke Shop.
“Alright, we’ll start from the least dangerous Element Holder and work our way up to the most dangerous. Who would you say from the outset is the least dangerous one?”
“Hrm, after what you’ve told me, that’s kinda a toughie,” Jill tilted her head in thought. “Heck, if I had to say one, I’d guess Fluttershy, The Element of Kindness. I mean, that certainly sounds the least dangerous, right?”
“You’re correct in that, Jill,” Ray confirmed. “But don’t underestimate her even for a moment, because she possesses an ability the others don’t: she can literally stare any creature into submission when she puts her mind to it. That includes dragons, so imagine how that’d work on us.”
“I see…is that kinda what Volare was trying to do by the river?” Jill’s fur bristled as she spoke his name; she really hated that guy!
“Well, since he’s been living with Fluttershy for a few weeks now, it’d make since if he’s trying to emulate her somewhat,” the male Unicorn mulled. “If so, I’d say yes.”
“Well, it obviously didn’t work very well,” Jill grinned for a moment, though she had to admit the sheer intensity of his glare had forced them to take pause at the time.
“That’s only because we’re not wild animals driven purely by instinct; we’re a little too sentient for something like that to work on us. Plus he wasn't Fluttershy, so there's no telling if she herself actually would send us running like foals or not,” Ray explained. “However, imagine what she could do if she gained control over a dangerous animal with that ability. Let’s just be glad she’s got a very long fuse and doesn’t get angry very easily.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” Jill nodded, not much relishing the thought of Fluttershy sending a horde of vicious animals their way…or worse…
“Alright, next,” Ray got back on track.
“Umm…How about Rarity, the Element of Generosity?” Jill offered. “I mean, all she really does it make dresses, right? What’s so bad about that?”
“Aha, so you did read a little of the manual,” Ray chuckled before continuing. “It doesn’t seem so bad at first, but she’s been observed using her magic to control hundreds of moving objects at once with pin-point precision.”
“How’s that dangerous?” Jill queried.
“Because a large number of those objects happened to be sharp things like scissors, sewing needles, and hatpins,” Ray explained. “Imagine a cloud of those headed your way; you think you could stop them all?”
“Eesh…I dunno,” Jill grimaced.
“All it would take is one, single sewing needle to get through and-splat-right through your eye socket,” her brother shuddered slightly. “And that’s all she wrote.” Jill visibly gulped at the description.
“Well, that’s just wonderful,” the female Unicorn turned a little green. “How’s her temperament?”
“Oh, much, much shorter than Fluttershy’s for the most part,” Ray replied grimly. “Not to mention that she’s more likely to fight nobly for her friends when they’re in danger, despite her melodramatic appearance.”
“Great…,” Jill said sarcastically. And those were just the two LEAST dangerous ones…Ray made them sound like small armies all on their own! “Dare I ask who’s next?”
“You tell me,” Ray shrugged.
“Oh come on,” she growled in a combination of frustration and growing unease.
“Hey, this is for your own good, sis,” her brother shook his head and pursed his lips. “Next.”
“Oh fine…um, The Element of Honesty?”
“You’re correct, Jill,” he nodded. “You sure you never read this thing before?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Just lucky guesses, I suppose.”
“Either that or you’re more observant than I thought,” Ray chuckled before Jill hoofed him in the chest.
“Alright, stop condescending me already,” she demanded. “Why’s Applejack so dangerous?”
“You saw her blow that tree to pieces by kicking it, right?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Well, as long as you keep your distance, she’s a minimal threat. But if she gets close enough…she has the ability to turn you into that tree.”
“…come again?”
“Splinters,” Ray rolled his eyes. “Just replace ‘splinters’ with teeny tiny body parts, and you’ll be spot on. Her legs are freakishly powerful from bucking those appletrees for years, and her endurance is legendary. So if you ever get into a fight with her…” He waited for his sister to drop the other horse-shoe.
“Ugh, fine. Keep your distance and finish it fast, otherwise she’ll outlast you,” Jill responded, though yet again, she shuddered at the thought of body being turned into ‘splinters’ in an instant from a single kick from the farm pony.
“Exactly,” Ray smiled, proud that his sister was catching on; he knew she might need it one of these days… “Ok, we’re halfway done. Who would you say is next dangerous?”
“Oh, I dunno…seriously. Pinkie, The Element of Laughter?”
“Nope, guess again.”
“Jeez, Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty?”
“That’s the one,” Ray nodded. “And I think we experienced that first-hoof enough to know why she’s dangerous.”
“No bucking kidding,” Jill replied as her brother subconsciously ran his tongue over his own teeth, realizing at that point that he was in fact missing two or three. Great…
“She just always seems to be in the right place at the right time,” he flicked an eye towards the night sky, half-expecting the rainbow mare to be sitting on a cloud and ready to dive down onto them. Ray had already seen that pony in his nightmares once, he didn’t need to see her again any time soon! “And she never gives up on a friend or backs down from a challenge. That hard-headedness makes her extremely dangerous.”
“Not to mention she moves way to damn fast to hit or catch her,” Jill added with a growl. “Alright, enough on her. Pinkie’s gotta be the next most dangerous, right?”
“What would your reaction be if I said no?”
“I’d say to quit jerking my damn chain,” Jill snapped back before realizing that her brother wasn’t joking. “Wait, seriously?”
“Seriously. The next most dangerous is the Element of Magic, Twilight Sparkle,” Ray continued. “Personal student and protégé of Princess Celestia herself, it was by her personal doing that the fall of both Nightmare Moon and Discord came about. She’s so dangerous not just because of the fact that she could probably turn everypony in this town inside out in the blink of an eye, but because, for the most part, she plans her moves accordingly and researches the ever-loving buck out of things before acting upon them. This makes her extremely difficult to surprise and overcome.”
“Then how the hay do you beat her?” Jill demanded. “She’s not invincible, is she?!”
“No, no, far from it,” Ray shook his head. “Her weakness is her propensity to get overly emotional over the smallest things and fly off the handle, not to mention she’s somewhat lacking in social experience.”
“I see…wait, how’s a lack of social experience a weakness?” Jill tilted her head curiously.
“Because, if you can get her into an overly sensitive situation that requires experience, rather then simple knowledge from her books, she can get rattled and begin to make errors. Those errors pile onto each other to the point that she gets emotional and drops her guard…and then you’ll have her right where you want her. It would take time, but she can be beaten if one just goes about it accordingly.”
“Heh, sounds like a bit of a sheltered fool if you ask me,” Jill snickered. “Just toss her to the dogs for a day and she’ll crack after a while.”
“Correct, sis,” Ray nodded. “The only problem is, her fellow Elements support her so strongly, that something like that would be fairly difficult to accomplish. The best course of action would be to avoid seeking her wrath as much as possible; although, she could probably be stabbed in the back fairly easily if one said the right things and befriended her. She certainly wouldn’t expect that!”
“Ooh-hoo, Ray, that sounds so deliciously devious!” Jill giggled nastily before a gruff voice interrupted her.
“Hey you two,” a Royal Guard Unicorn posted in town called towards her, shining a light from his horn over the siblings. “No loitering back there! It’s late; get where you need to get, pronto!”
“Dammit,” Ray hissed. “Yes sir, right away sir!” The Unicorns quickly vacated their little conversation spot and headed back onto the road, all the while being eyed by the wary Guard. “Let’s get somewhere else before finishing this; I don’t think that a Guard eavesdropping on us talking about the Elements like this is a great way to keep a low profile.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” Jill agreed, though it still left her wondering how the hay the last remaining Element, the giggly, scatter-brained Pinkie Pie, was the most dangerous. Surprisingly, she wanted to know! The female looked back and forth across the street, searching for a sanctuary before her eyes alighted on a familiar building. “Come on, Ray,” she nudged her brother towards the somewhat rustic café and tavern she’d become a bit of a regular at. “They’ve got some good booze here and we can finish this little discussion once we get inside.”
“Sounds good, sis,” Ray replied as he glanced back over his shoulder at the Guard still giving them a suspicious glare; he wasn't as big on social drinking like his sister was, but he preferred it over getting scrutinized by the authorities. He followed her up to the front door of the building, and by the time they got there, Jill was already licking her lips at the thought of the great hard cider they served here.
“Heh-heh, I’m gonna get so damn plastered you may have to drag me outta here, Ray,” Jill snickered softly as she reached for the door. “I wanna drink so much that I don’t wanna even remember that Volare freak, although if I ever see him again, I swear I’ll implode the guy!”
As she pulled the door of the Gilded Griffon open, a cheerful voice reached her ears and she stared wide-eyed at its blue and yellow owner in abject shock and total disbelief.
“Hold onto your butts!” he laughed, causing Jill to nearly snap the doorknob off in a sudden fit of rage and evil glee at the sight of her clueless foe mere feet away, his back to herself and her brother, and without an Element Holder in sniffing distance!
“Oh, hee-hee-hee-you’ve gotta be bucking kidding me…”
---------------------------------
Notes:
Volare: Oh f**k you and your crazy cliffhangers, dude! D<
Author: :P
Special thanks to JasontheHuman's story "Anthropology" for the references to Lyra being obsessed with hands http://www.fimfiction.net/story/4656/Anthropology <<<<<---it's an excellent story!
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YES ITS OUT!
A bit of a run-on sentence.
Hah, I was wondering if Twilight or Pinkie was going to be the most dangerous. Looking forward to seeing how far you go with Pinkie's abilities.
Not sure that jumping him in the same room with Lyra, Bon Bon, Octavia, and Vinyl is a good idea, plus they lose an advantage if they reveal their pony appearances.
Otherwise, pretty damn good. I agree with Volare, WHAT'S WITH THE CLIFFHANGERS?
1167931
Pinkie. She has a portable Party cannon, can transform into a sadistic bitch at the drop of a hat, and completely defies physics. She could even defeat Twilight if she (doesn't) put her mind to it (remember Feeling Pinkie Keen?).
Derpy is most dangerous pony.
Ray and Jill are gonna get OWNED by those 4. Vinyl can manipulate large circular sharp objects, remember?
Oh, and looking forward to the music recordings.
What? Cellos only play classical you say? Apocalyptica would beg to differ. Incidentally, this needs to happen in your story. I want to see Octavia playing Master of Puppets or En Vie or something. That would be AMAZING.
Also, DAMN YOU AND YOUR CLIFFHANGERS!!!1!
1168016
Have you listened to Octavia's Overture by The Living Tombstone?
Hey Volare, ever thought of combining the multi-part chapters into large chapters?
"Just replace ‘splinters’ with teeny tiny body parts, and you’ll be spot on. "
This reminds me of the shotgun from metal slug, I love that weapon.
-----------------------------------
Of course Pinkie is the most dangerous, she is Pinkimena Diane Pie! Physics is afraid of her and so should you! And then there is the other side of her coin.
----------------------------------
and
BAR FIGHT!!!
hmm... i wonder if Ray and Jill are changelings?
and now its another bucking cliffhanger
god-fucking dammitoh well1168036 I tried once. It was good up until the singing happened. Then I had to close youtube to make my ears stop bleeding....
I just mentioned Apocalyptica specifically since they're (badass as hell) a band that Volare could have heard of and tell them about without revealing the existence of bronies just yet. And even though it's not rock, if I was gonna have him mention any non-classical Octavia themed brony music it would be Octavia's Vision by Brony MACH.
1168082
Octavia's Overture's singing is great.
Sure, the Living Tombstone has an accent (he's from Isreal, after all), but after a while, you get used to it. It's sexy.
LIke I said before, Monster, Friendship (maybe), Loyalty (maybe), or The Adventure.
More trouble, but he's not alone, so he should be able to make it out alright
See's Chapter
HALLELUJAH
I am giving a gift to you:
i.imgur.com/5rN4h.jpg
Use it wisely young grasshopper.
You're so mean V. My guess is that Pinkie will save Volare.
Damn, Volare. You seem to have the worst luck.
I can only imagine what Jill wants to do and whether or not Ray will attempt to stop her.
My money, since Ray seems to be the cautious type, is that he will try to stop Jill.
Nice chapter, but waiting for Monday with a cliffhanger like that will kill me. And maybe Volare as well.
Why is my mind suddenly filled with flying plates, spoons, chairs, tables, soup, the inevitable wheelchair and a slightly abused chello (with a particular grey earth-pony still attached to it)?
Yeah update well back to reading!
I barf rainbows when I see new chapters.
This was amazing.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE CONTINUATION!
You know, I would really love to see that sometime... And I bet that Ray and Jill are going to get a lot more than they bargained for if they try and take on Volare with Octavia, Vinyl, Lyra, and Bon-Bon around. Vinyl alone could probably stop them with the force of her music, while the other three are sort of wild cards- but I doubt they'd just stand there and let Volare get his ass kicked... Or, as Jill put it, imploded.
GIVE ME MORE CHAPTERS!!!
Why is Pinkie the most dangerous? Because Physics is her b***h, and she'll feed you to Gummy. What did you think he eats?
Nope I dout Ray and Jill will risk exposing themselfs especially in Ponyville with EVERYONE watching. BUT! I have a very good idea what they are gonna plan especially after reading the Element reports. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Also as for fellow Elements supporting her? Heh the current wedge between Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Hopefully they don't find out about this not so little emotional divide!
Never make Pinkie Pie mad. She will go Dirty Harry on your ass. So are you feeling lucky? Well, do ya, punk?
4.bp.blogspot.com/--lbgpy0SBUc/TgJr6gvpGxI/AAAAAAAAGTU/gD_DCk5pzNw/s1600/Capture.JPG
A touching story :P
also DEVIOUS BASTARDS!
Oh yea. This is the part where they attack, hopefully using their alternate forms, and then, Voltaire with Vinyl's help blasts them out of the building with the power of rock.
My predictions of the next chapter!
property-report.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/MexicanStandoff.jpg
Mexican Standoff
This shall be most delicious, and Volair, try not to die in the impending fight.
Heh, who knows, he may make it through this with minimal injuries, I mean, this arc has only just started, right? I mean come on, he only just sort of got out of the hospital. Maybe there won't be a fight.
insert 1,000,000
s here.
FUCK YOU CLIFFHANGERS!!! GGGRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! !!!
Sorry,just veing overly dramatic. Awesome chapter as usual
Crap. The enemies are COMPETENT. That's never a good sign.
'Hold onto your butts', indeed.
Ooh, do I see potential foreshadowing? The ability to destroy someone through their memories, Pinkie being the most dangerous Element, mysterious missing mirrors... And it seems that some external influence was preventing Twilight from finding Starswirl's archive, and only Pinkie could break through that influence, which ties in with her being the most powerful Element. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.
1170809
in all the war stories she is an absolute BEAST in a fight(except in Upheaval (but she's like 1-2 chapters from unleashing her full powers))
That's never good indeed!
Pinkie is the world's most dangerous mare
Actually that's not too big a surprise
Whoo! New chapter! Man, I don't know, Ray might have to knock Jill out just to keep their cover from being blown. And nice touch as having Pinkie being the most dangerous. She has three modes. Happy and smiling, angry, and full blown cupcakes.
I just wonder if the later of the three will make an appearance. Anyway, can't wait till next Monday now. Until then! 
Holy hell another chapter!
Holy crap! Kinda hind sighted that Jill and Ray were going back to the Gilded Griffon after what happened last time.
Just a shot in the dark, but I think Jill and Ray will hide in one of the booths, wait till Vinyl puts the device back in her saddle bag, take the bag, and take it to The Boss and listen to Volare's story.
Anyways, loving this story so far and keep up the good work.
The destructive duo brought to justice one way or another, be it in a court or in a noose.
Only one way to stop Ray and Jill now...
fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/114/b/2/just_my_bass_cannon___fix___hopefully__by_pyrozimmy69-d4xebmp.gif
...What did those scumbags do to Trixie? I swear, if they hurt her...
Yo've got to be bucking kidding me! the title is perfect for my reaction when i realized i had less than 5 minutes till i left for school and blue angel updated damnit
EDIT: finally read the story
i think r&j are gonna win the fight/ get away safely because nopony knows what they look like, so jill's gonna get the first punch/scratch/mauling in... assuming that ray can't control his sister, and we've seen his capacity for that
btw the title also matched my reaction when I found out that xbox 360 MC didn't have the 1.8.3 update today and when I saw that this chapter ended in yet another cliffhanger, i think somepony should be keeping count of those
Well. For some reason, I've never really thought about it until now, but I just pictured Lyra with hands.
1163226 You're welcome!
1164733 Dang
I bequeath to thee one mustache for your efforts
1166178 Congrats for catching up! As for the memory spell...it only allows her to "see" what her memory saw, therefore, if all her memory did was glance at the spell, that's all she'll get: a glance. True, she could probably try to further manipulate the memory so she can read it, but it may or may not work that way (heck, if she didn't see the rest of the spell, the paper might even be blank, since she doesn't retain the memory of i. We'll see
1167894 Orly?
1167931 Heh, I've got something crazy cooked up for Pinkie. As for them revealing their pony appearances...they ARE in their normal state atm. Volare's just never seen more than a glance of them that way (likely doesn't remember it) nor has he heard their names attached to those faces, so Ray and Jill are in the clear as long as they play it very carefully...then again, if they intend to slaughter everything in the room, to heck with being careful, right?
1167961 I dunno...Jill showcased the ability to blow FIRE out of her horn, and she and Ray have the Boss' knowledge aiding them. The only things they truly fear are the Element Holders, the Boss, and Celestia and Luna. True, Vinyl has the power of music, but...she doesn't have her equipment with her. Lyra can levitate things, but that's kinda it. Octy can...drink tea? And Bon-Bon can be a bit of a bitch....yeah, hopefully Ray and Jill don't go berserk
1168016 Yes, but Apocalyptica doesn't exist in Equestria, so it would stand to reason that they'd assume that. But yes, Volare could prove them wrong by playing a piece by them...or doing something else
1168036 Multi-part chapters?
1168059 LOL kinda. More like restaurant fight, but close enough
1168065 Nope, not Changelings. Just unicorn mages made very powerful through the knowledge of their Boss
1168195 Yeah, he's accompanied by a DJ, a Gossip Girl, a cellist, a wheelchair, and a...whatever Lyra is
This still may not end well
1168265
1168462 ROFL you'll see
1168585 Mebbe....or mebbe somepony else entirely unexpected....or mebbe Spike, who knows?
1168592 Maybe he will...then again, they won't get a better opportunity to exact revenge for their failure caused by him...
1168594 STOP READING THE SCRIPT!
1168623
1168644
??
1168810 Thank you!
Already workin on it!
1168874 I think I already mentioned this, but outside of their respective talents, other ponies besides the Elements are...kinda restricted to that. I mean, yes Vinyl COULD fight back with music, but she doesn't have her huge crazy equipment with her. Lyra can levitate stuff, but Ray and Jill can INCINERATE things! Bon-Bon can...well...sorta run a business
. And Octy can drink tea and play a mean cello. But beyond that...yeah, we'll see 
1168894 Working on it!
1168944 Indeed!
1169050 Yep, but if they kill all the witnesses....
We shall see!
1169201 LOL indeed!
1169203
Thank you!
And yes, they are devious
1169881 Don't jump to conclusions just yet, grasshoppah!
1169989 LOL mebbe
1170109 Maybe you'll see soon
1170217 Here's another one:
1170754 LOL tis ok. Volare hates them too
Volare:
1170809 Oh, you have NO idea
1171191 Heh, you might be overthinking it just a smidge
1171198 You shall see what I got cooked up!
1171302 LOL he might have to
Or something else might happen...
1172000 Nah, a little more direct than stealing the thing...you'll see
1172018
1173294 Or somepony else takes the fall for them...
1173467 LOL and destroy the restaurant in the process
1173738 Nah, they just kinda robbed her of the rest of her money after the manticore trashed her wagon/house, and left her in the Everfree Forest. So, kinda left for dead
1174255 LOL oops
1174294 Oh, yeah, I finally figured that out, thanks!
1174853 i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/176/875/55654%20-%20Lyra%20artist%253Athelivingmachine02%20crying%20hands%20mismatched_anatomy%20poison_joke.jpg?1316640432
1175903
Uh oh, what injuries are planned now? Maybe Octy using her cello as a bow and sending the literal bow through one of them? Or maybe Vinyl getting some slicing and dicing going on with a half dozen or so records, or plates, and I'm sure that some where along the way Lyra came across a book on martial arts.
1175903 Uh oh, what are you planning?
Ooh, I know! He's planning mmph!
Toast, NO!