The Tale of Twitchums McButternubs

by neutralmilk

Chapter 2

The Tale of Twitchums McButternubs
Chapter 2

Suddenly, the two ponies heard a crash outside the window of his room. Applejack and Twitchums jumped to the window and looked at the ground. A large crater had formed and piles of dirt and rock were strewn about. They galloped outside, but not before comforting Big Mac, who handled the situation like a pansy.

They reached the hole and looked down, a cyan pegasus looking back up at them. She wore a guilty smile of her face and rubbed her head with a hoof.

“Uh, I can explain this.” She began, trying to come up with a story. “You’d better Rainbow Dash. Or better yet, you’d better come back here tomorrow and help fill this hole back up.” The pegasus groaned and flew up from the dirt. She landed besides them and shook her coat clean. With a brush of her hoof, she cleared the remaining dirt that stuck to her prismatic mane.

“Woah, who’s this?” She asked suddenly, referring to Twitchums who stood stoically and as badass-ily as possible. It’s his nature. Get over it.

“This? His name’s Twitchums. `Ah caught him nappin in the orchard today so I thought I’d let him stay a while til he sorted his life out.” Applejack smiled up at the alicorn. Twitchums refused to partake in the mediocrity of this conversation and dwelled on his own thoughts. When he noticed Applejack’s smile he politely returned it and returned to his thoughts.

“He’s, uh, real cool?” Rainbow said, noticing his horrible colour scheme. Suddenly, she felt a bitch slap across her face. Rainbow realized that as the author, I can do whatever I please and retracted her previous statement. “He’s a hot stallion. I want him.”

Applejack gave Rainbow Dash a confused look and wrapped her hooves around Twitchums tightly. “He’s mine! `Ah found him first!” She cried out. Twitchums looked down at the bickering ponies and sighed, pushing Applejack’s hooves off of him.

“Rainbow, AJ. Please, I love you both.” Tears were streaming from his manly, puny eyes. “The time I’ve spent with you has been the greatest in my entire life since… Flight School.” The memories came pouring back to him. Ditzy and him eating lunch, playing games, and then their first date… He shook the memories from his head again.

“Twitchums I know I only just met you, but I must spend my entire life with you. I love you and stuff.” Rainbow Dash cooed, caressing the alicorn’s putrid mane.

“Rainbow Dash, you’re an amazing mare, and I’d be happy to marry you.”

The two came in close and shared a kiss that was like no other. Twitchums felt her tongue push against his teeth and happily let it enter his mouth. Their tongues hugged each other lustfully, as the newly engaged couple fell to the ground and proceeded to do it. Applejack stood and stared, feeling the only stallion she ever loved slip away.

*Author’s note: SHIT JUST GOT REAL!!!!!!!!

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Twitchums woke up in the morning with Rainbow Dash beside him. There was no way that Apple Bloom was ever going to want to sleep in this bed again. Not after what they did last night. Strike that, there was no way the filly would ever want to enter the room. So, Twitchums set it ablaze, purifying the filth.

As the happily descended the stairs, the new couple met Applejack in the kitchen. She sat with her hooves crossed and a mug of apple cider in front of her. Her eyes were bloodshot and her usual appley scent was replaced with that of puke.

“`Ah hope y’all had a pleasant night.” She said to them. Twitchums and Rainbow Dash exchanged looks and smiled at each other. “Well then, I’m gonna go buck some apples in the east field today. Rainbow, fix that crater in the front lawn.” Applejack stood up shakily and put her Stetson hat on. She turned abruptly and left the home to meet Big Mac who was already bucking.

Twitchums flew after Applejack into the field and cut her off. “Applejack, what’s wrong?” He questioned, feeling a deep concern for his friend. She gave him a dirty look and tried to walk around him.
“Why don’t cha just help Rainbow with the hole?” She replied bitterly.

“Cuz I already did all night.” The author cried out happily. He then made Twitchums say it through the magic of typing.

“Cuz I already did all night.” He smugly said back to the hurt mare. She began to sob and fell to the ground, her hooves covering her tear stained eyes. Twitchums wrapped a wing around her and lifted her up so she was sitting on her plot.

“Twitchums, I thought you loved me.” She was depressed by the surprise engagement. That much was clear.

“Applejack, I love you more than anypony could possibly know.” A smile crossed his face as he felt his heart surge with warmth. “If the author of the story hadn’t forced Rainbow and I together out of sheer lack of anything else to do, than I certainly would have boned you and potentially married you out of wed-lock.”

Applejack wiped away her tears and smailed back up at the alicorn. Her alicorn. “Y’all reall mean that?”

“Of course I do. Every word of it.”

They suddenly pressed their lips together and proceeded to make out in the open field with the sun shining on their bodies. Twitchums could taste the vomit in her mouth, no doubt from all her hard cider, but chose to ignore it. He loved this mare and nothing could stop them from expressing their…
FEELINGS.

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With the day over, Twitchums and Applejack returned to the home. Rainbow Dash had decided to stay the night again and lay on the couch awaiting her fiancé’s arrival. She greeted him with a kiss and they all sat down to dinner, sharing stories and laughs; the chaos of the morning and last night all forgotten.

“Honey, the coolest thing happened.” Rainbow said after Big Mac finished a story nobody in particular was paying attention to. Twitchums turned to his cyan bride to be and waited for her to continue her blathering. “My friend Pinkie Pie visited the farm for apparent reason today and I told her about our engagement. She said she was gonna throw us a party tomorrow night! That way I can introduce you to the entire town!”

Twitchums smiled at the thought of an engagement/ welcoming party and picked up his cider, taking a long sip. It warmed his throat and insides, a bubbling sensation rising gently in his stomach. “Even better, Derpy’s gonna be there!” The mare’s voice continued.

Twichums spit the cider out on the table in surprise. Ditzy? He thought. Oh Celestia no.

Comments

[neutralmilk]

A masterpiece of its time. This chapter displays our beloved characters and the inner turmoils they face in times of love lost.

[badassgrunt]

WHAT THE F&%#! THIS IS SO RANDOM AND AWESOME AT THE SAME TIME!

[badassgrunt]

the arthor is like god, man

[Skywind]

ok he just burnt down sweet apple acres because they had sex

[The Slending Angel]

I love a good WTF story, but... WHATTHEFUBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO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[SP00KY NINJA-PON3]

4974931 HECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHECHEC

[MidnightH]

What. The. Buck. Did I. Just. Read?