Episode 5 – Colts
The room was dark, except for a small stand lamp illuminating two red velvet cushions and a large, dark screen. Twilight stepped into the room, her hooves moving leadenly. Behind her, Celestia followed.
“What is it you wanted to show me, Twilight?”
Biting her lip, Twilight turned back toward Celestia. “Do you remember when you told me I should try to engage with the Ponyville ponies more, Princess?”
Celestia nodded. “It is part of your duty as a princess now. By mastering the magic of friendship, you have proven—” She cut off at a nervous giggle from Twilight.
“Well, I decided to try making educational videos for the little colts and fillies. I thought maybe that would be a good way to follow your instructions.”
“They’re not instructions, Twilight. You’re a princess now. All I can do is offer friendly advice. And that sounds like a wonderful idea.” Celestia settled herself on one of the red cushions. After a moment of hesitation, Twilight took the other and used her magic to turn off the lamp, leaving the room dark except for the blue-gray of the evening sky creeping through two high windows on either side of the screen.
“Sorry, Prin— I mean… Thank you, Celestia. It seemed like it made a lot of sense. Get to know the children of Ponyville better, and maybe that would help me with their parents. And if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s lecturing!”
Celestia snorted and raised a hoof to her mouth to cover her expression. “I suppose that’s one way to put it, yes.”
Twilight’s horn glowed purple and the screen before the two princesses flashed to life. It showed a still image of the Golden Oak Library, with the dark blue of early night showing through the windows. Paradoxically, the library interior was very well lit. A white triangle flashed in the corner of the screen, and then the image sprang into motion. The picture tilted violently and righted itself, then another Twilight stepped into the frame, smiling out at the two princesses.
“Sorry, um, volume.” A stack of blocks climbed up the right side of the screen, and the image of Twilight began to talk. Then Twilight stepped off camera and returned a moment later with a box full of beer bottles.
Celestia frowned. “Please tell me you didn’t decide to teach children about beer, Twilight.”
“No! Of course not! I mean… Maybe I thought about it, but… No. Anyway, um, would you please watch, Princess?”
Celestia stilled her expression and nodded, turning back to the screen.
The first video played in its entirety, then the image cut to black.
Celestia turned to Twilight, concern in her eyes. “Have you told Rainbow how you—”
Raising a hoof to her mouth, Twilight shushed her and pointed back to the screen.
Colors flashed, and a second video played out. Then a third. Then a fourth. When that one ended, Twilight’s horn glowed again and two white bars began to blink on the screen.
Celestia bowed her head. “This must have been very hard for you, my fai—” She gave a bitter little laugh. “How easy it is for us to fall back into our old roles. Twilight. All right, I’ve seen your videos. However, I’m still not sure what you’d like from me. This is not a situation I can remedy for you, and I wouldn’t do so even if it were in my power. These feelings, and how to deal with them, is something each pony must discover for herself.”
“I— I understand that, Celestia.” Twilight’s voice cracked as she spoke. “And I didn’t publish that last video. Nopony has seen it yet. Except for you.”
“Do you mean to say you did publish the ones with Rainbow and Pinkie?”
“Well… yeah. That was kind of the point. And everypony wanted to know what I’d been working on.”
Celestia was silent for a minute. “All right. It sounds like you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about these videos and this… situation. But what is it you want from me?”
Twilight closed her eyes. “Direction, I think. I’m not really sure. Maybe some help… understanding.”
“Understanding what?”
“There’s… um… there’s one more video.” Twilight’s cheeks turned a deep crimson.
“Oh. And did you—”
“Yeah, I published it last night.” Twilight’s voice cracked again. “I must have been mad. I don’t know what I was thinking. I took it down once I came back to my senses, but I know about a half-dozen ponies saw it before I did.”
“And what was in this video?”
Twilight made hollow sound, halfway between a laugh and a croak. The twin bars on the screen were replaced with a white triangle.
The image blinked on, revealing the interior of Golden Oak Library once again.
“Twilight, I don’t think you’ve thought this through very well.”
“Be quiet, Spike!”
“I’m just saying.”
“And I heard you the first time. And the second. And the twenty-seventh. I don’t think I need to hear it twenty-eight times, do you?”
“I think you probably do, since you still aren’t listening.”
“Just operate the camera, okay?”
The microphone picked up a few muttered words, none of them intelligible. The camera panned to the side, revealing Twilight and a large chalkboard bearing a sketch of Big Macintosh.
“Today little fillies, we’re going to learn about colts! And then Applejack’s brother is going to stop by, and we’re going to see if we can learn even more about them.” Twilight’s horn sparked, and a long wooden dowel tapped the blackboard near Big Mac’s cutie mark. “Now the first thing you need to know about colts is that they like mares, and mares like them. Applejack’s brother, for example, is a big, strapping stallion. Exactly the kind that my mothe— that some ponies like to write about in their stories. And if there’s one thing I know about stallions, it’s that if the right one comes along, a mare gets—”
Spike’s voice came from out of frame. “No, I can’t do this.”
There was a moment of rustling, and then the image flickered. Now Twilight stood on the opposite side of the chalkboard. She gave a little laugh.
“Sorry about that, girls. I had to send my faithful assistant to bed for the night. You know how boys can be, sometimes. Now, where were we?” Twilight tapped a hoof against her lips. “Oh, yes! Stallions, and what mares think about them.”
The dowel tapped against the chalkboard again. “So what do you think, little fillies? Does Big Mac look handsome to you? I’ll bet he does. And for a flighty little filly like Rainbow Dash, I’ll bet he’s like a big juicy tomato she just can’t wait to eat. Or maybe an apple.” She giggled. “Yeah, an apple. ‘Cause she likes apples.”
“Well you can’t have all the apples, girls. And when Rainbow finds out I’ve got an apple of my own, and a big, handsome one just like my— Well, I’ll bet she’ll decide maybe apples aren’t so special after all, and maybe I am, since I can get them too.”
The sound of a hoof knocking against wood echoed through the room, and Twilight grinned. A thin purple haze covered the image and, as Twilight trotted across the library’s interior, the camera turned to follow her. She pulled open the door, revealing Big Macintosh with the spine of a book gripped between his teeth.
Twilight turned toward the camera and winked. “This is wonderful! Look, everypony, Applejack’s brother is here to join us for today’s episode. Isn’t that right, Big Mac?”
Macintosh turned toward the camera and shifted uncomfortably. He tried to respond, but the book in his mouth muffled the word he said.
“Come in, please, Big Mac!” Twilight turned and continued to trot around the camera, which panned to follow her all the way to a lavender sofa. She took a seat and patted the spot beside her. “I’ve really looked forward to talking with you. Applejack says you know all about agriculture. It’d be great if you could help me with my videos.”
After a moment, Macintosh walked back into frame, dropping his book on a short table in front of the sofa. He stared at the cushion beside Twilight before gingerly easing himself onto it. Twilight scooted closer and motioned for Macintosh to do the same. His cheeks reddened, but he took another look at the camera and complied.
“So, let’s talk about agriculture.” Twilight laid her hoof alongside Macintosh’s and smiled up at him. “I hear the animals on Sweet Apple Acres are mostly your responsibility?”
“Eeyup.” Macintosh glanced down at the book he’d brought with him. “In fact, I brought you a book about it, er, Your Highness.”
Twilight leaned down to read the cover, placing her horn very close to Macintosh’s muzzle. “A Beginner’s Guide to Animal Husbandry. What a funny word. Husbandry. What does it mean?”
Macintosh coughed. “Er, it means lookin’ after something, Your Highness. Takin’ care of it.”
“And that’s what you’re good at, what you studied at Vanhoover College?” Twilight giggled. “Taking care of things?”
“Eeyup.” Again, Macintosh’s cheeks turned red.
“Is there anything you take care of other than farm animals, Big Mac? Or anything you’d like to take care of?” Twilight’s eyelids fluttered as she looked up at him.
Macintosh swallowed heavily, turning away. “Nope.”
“Not even a little?”
The stallion didn’t respond.
“What was it like, going to Vanhoover College? Were there a lot of mares there?”
Macintosh tried to scoot away from Twilight, but she pursued him across the couch. “Beggin’ your pardon, Your Highness, but I thought you wanted to talk about agriculture.”
“Oh, we have lots of time to do that. First, I want to talk about you.” Twilight rubbed her hoof up and down Macintosh’s cannon. “What do you like in mares, Big Mac?”
“Uhhh…” The stallion slowly turned to stare at Twilight, uncertainty in his eyes.
“Do you—” Twilight bowed her head demurely. “Do you like me Big Mac?”
The room was still, and then Macintosh gave a slow nod.
Twilight’s smile was a beacon of light. “Would you like to kiss me?”
“Eeyu—” Macintosh swallowed again. “I mean, yes Your Highness.”
She leaned forward, and her voice was the quiet rustle of satin. “Well then, why don’t you?”
Macintosh dipped his head toward her and pressed his lips against hers.
For a moment, Twilight leaned into the kiss and appeared to enjoy it. But as Macintosh lingered, Twilight’s smile fled and her eyes widened. She backed away across the couch, scrubbing at her lips with one hoof.
Macintosh blinked in confusion. “Your Highness? Did I do somethin’ wrong?”
Twilight wasn’t listening. “Ew! Eww! Why did I think I’d like to…” She froze, staring at Macintosh and then back at the camera. “Colts! Who likes colts? What was my mother thinking!?”
“Well it ain’t like I got all the experience of some stallions,” Macintosh muttered. “But you don’t have to sound so… disgusted.” His head swung back and forth, and he stood. “Eeyup, my sister was right. This was just one bad idea.”
Twilight’s stared down at the hoof she’d scrubbed across her lips, then up at Macintosh. “Wait, Big Mac, I didn’t mean—”
“Yeah, you did. I should have listened to my sister. Some mares got no interest in stallions, and that’s just how it is.” He turned away from Twilight and began walking toward the edge of the image. “You have a nice night. Your Highness.” The sound of his hoofbeats and the slam of the library door followed him off-screen.
The book Macintosh had brought, A Beginner’s Guide to Animal Husbandry, sat on the table discarded and forgotten. Twilight stared at the book for a moment. Then she looked up at the camera, and then the image blinked off.
The screen went black, and both princesses sat silently in the gathering dark. A minute passed, and then another.
“I didn’t realize your mother wrote those sorts of books.”
Twilight tried to respond, but her voice came out as a croak. “I only found out last year. I knew she wrote books, but I never knew what kind of books.”
“You didn’t wonder?”
“Well, she made them sound so boring. Probably to make sure Shining and I wouldn’t ask too many questions about them.”
The quiet resumed, and Twilight stared at her hooves.
“Would I know any of her work?” Celestia asked.
Twilight turned toward Celestia, blushing and wide-eyed.
The older princess smiled. “I’ve always liked the bridle-tearers best.”
“That’s… That’s what she writes, mostly. Do you know the ‘Herd of the High Veldt‘ series?”
“Ooh, the ones about the prehistoric ponies, and the blue-eyed pegasus? I love those! They’re very evocative—if not especially accurate.”
Twilight’s eyes widened further. “Do you mean… were you actually around when—”
“Twilight Sparkle! Don’t you know it’s not polite to ask a mare her age?”
Stiffening, Twilight tried to croak out a response, but the words wouldn’t form. Her eyes shone with panic.
Celestia smiled and laughed. “Oh, Twilight. It’s been too long since we’ve just sat together and talked. I wish it hadn’t taken something like this to bring you back to me, though.”
Twilight’s mouth worked soundlessly, and then something seemed to change inside her. The stiffness melted away, and she slumped down on her cushion, as if somepony had set a heavy harness on her shoulders. “What am I going to do,” she wailed. “Spike’s mad at me, and Applejack’s probably mad at me, and Rainbow probably hates me, and Big Mac thinks—”
Celestia pressed a hoof to Twilight’s lips. The she scooted closer and unfurled a wing, wrapping it around her former student. “No one hates you, Twilight. You’re their friend. That doesn’t change just because you make a few bad choices.”
“But what about the ponies who saw the video? What if I go back and everypony knows all about… all about…”
“All about the fact that you don’t like colts?”
Twilight nodded weakly.
“And that bothers you?”
“I always thought mares were supposed to like stallions. I know Rainbow’s a bit different, but… but she’s Rainbow. I just figured she did whatever she wanted ‘cause she could, and…”
“And Applejack?”
“I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t think about it.”
Celestia paused, rubbing Twilight’s back with her wing. “That doesn’t sound like the Twilight Sparkle I know.”
Twilight sniffled. “I guess… I guess I thought, ‘Oh, that’s fine for other ponies. It’s weird, but I won’t judge them.’”
“But you knew you felt this way about Rainbow Dash yourself, didn’t you?”
There was a pause before Twilight spoke. “I did. But I sort of figured, it’s just Rainbow. It’s how she is. She’s… she’s almost like a stallion. Isn’t she? I mean… I don’t know. I guess I always though I was normal.”
“So it’s not normal, for mares to like other mares?”
“Of course it’s not! Mares are supposed to like stallions! Otherwise, pony society would just die off, right?”
Celestia hummed to herself. “So you’re telling me there’s something wrong with you. And probably with Applejack, and Rainbow, and my sister Luna.”
“Yes! I mean, no. I mean… Luna?”
“You didn’t know? Well, I suppose she had gotten rather good at disguising her feelings, before Nightmare Moon…” Celestia shivered. “Yes, Twilight. Luna likes mares.”
Twilight sniffled again. “That still doesn’t mean it’s not wrong.”
“Obstinate as ever, aren’t you?” Celestia gave a little laugh. “I don’t suppose it would mean much if I just told you outright that it was fine for mares to like other mares—and stallions to like stallions—would it?”
It took a moment for Twilight to respond. “No, it wouldn’t. You know I trust you more than anypony, Princess. But it just feels wrong. And… and even if Rainbow Dash did like me back, I think I’d still feel like it were wrong.”
The room fell quiet once more. A minute passed, and again it was Celestia who broke the silence. “I think I have another suggestion for you, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
Twilight scrubbed a hoof across her eyes. “What is it?”
“I think you should stop making these videos for the colts and fillies of Ponyville.”
Twilight nodded. “It wasn’t a very good idea, anyway.”
“No, Twilight, it was a wonderful idea.”
“But then why do you want me to stop making the videos?”
Celestia smiled down at Twilight. “I never said you should stop making them. I said you should stop making them for the children of Ponyville.”
“Then what—”
Celestia yawned and stretched. “I do get tired, once the sun has set. The night has always been my sister’s domain.” She rose to her hooves, and Twilight sighed as Celestia’s wing left her shoulders. “It was always hard making myself handle the moon as well as the sun.”
“But you did it for a thousand—”
“The last few years before my sister returned weren’t so bad, though. I had a student who sent me the most wonderful letters. I always looked forward to reading them in the evenings. They kept me company, when I needed it most.”
Celestia turned and left the room.
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Do it for the adults, then? Royal Princess Orgies XXX: This Time It's Anal?
Wow. That was, well surprising Twilight didn't actually die o embarrassment.
Poor Big Mac. You've been reading Bad Horse again, haven't you Bradel?
That explains Twilight's recalcitrance at telling rainbow how she felt though...
inb4 AppleDashLight.
Can't tell if Celly is doing a public service here, advancing the Twilestia cause, or is merely just a little lonely.
4283323 All three. She's smart like that.
thing
_____________________
I can't wait to see the more adultish videos, and see Twilight get to bed three princesses. And maybe see that liking mares isn't all that bad with the fact that the mare to stallion ratio is 1.85 mares per 1 stallion. Although I wonder what happens to all those mares who aren't lucky enough to get a stallion. Oh! You should investigate that. Since as of Season 3, there are 488 mares + fillies [collectively] and 264 stallions +colts [collectively]. And with Season 4, there are still a higher ratio of females to males even in cities like Canterlot and Manehatten. With boondock places like Ponyville and Appleoosa strangely enough having expotentionally higher female to male ratios [although the reverse is true for Buffulos. Since there is only one living female buffulo that we see in the entire tribe. Brood marefulo's most have it rough.]
I almost couldn't finish the video. That was just cringe-inducing. As for afterwards...
I don't know, this sort of thing just doesn't make much sense to me in a pony context. It's probably just my headcanon getting in the way. Besides, it's not like it's a widespread belief; it's just Twilight taking a logical approach to her own emotions, and that never ends well.
In any case, I look forward to seeing how Twilight interprets Celestia's advice. And I loved Tia's comment about prehistoric accuracy.
Making videos for Celestia instead of sending her letters. Sounds good.
Just browsing my faves, and I get this NUKE TO THE FEELS. Can't wait for the TwiDash/AppleDashLight/Whatever.
Oh god that Colts video. Twilight, stop, STOP! Poor Mac.
And that detail regarding Luna seems likely to become relevant later on.
So now Celly wants Twi to send her Vlogs instead of letters? Geez, what a slavedriver.
Do I detect a reference to Clan of the Cave Bear, by any chance?
And oi.. poor big mac. And poor Twilight, especially since AJ seems to be wary of her now... I can't wait to see where this goes.
Videos to Celestia, instead of letters? Yay!
... It's rather nice to see Celestia be open and honest. That needs to happen more. Nice bit of non-subtlety there at the end too. Classy :3
Celestia: HINT HINT HINT HINT WINK WINK HINT WINK
Twilight: Da fuq did she just imply?
4283320 I'm surprised I didn't die of embarrassment. Holy
Twilight. It's one thing to experiment with others, but ON VIDEO? How did you even convince Big Mac to come over to make out with you on camera? (Because if what he says about what AJ said was true, then he knew what to expect) Whaaaaaaa 
aaaaaaaaat
I tend to put stories down when they get really awkward, because reading them makes me feel really awkward, but this has really clever framing. Watching with Celestia and her comforting non-judgmental presence kinda works for me, the reader, as well as it does for Twi. Funny how that works. The position you're writing Twilight in here is interesting. When you're so sure you're wrong that you can't take Celestia's word for it that you're not, what are you running on? Twi didn't seem terribly concerned about this when it was just other ponies, why the double standard when it comes to herself? Especially when it seems fairly clear that few if any ponies give a crap about anyone else's sexual orientation. (Including Twilight herself?) I'm rather curious where you're drawing from here. I could see this scenario being generalized to almost anything one could be irrationally ashamed of, and is really quite relatable in that sense.
Well, 4283323 knows where I'd be driving this train, but I'm really starting to wonder where this series is going. Twilight seems more concerned with how wrong she is than with the problems of actually romancing anyone. Thought this was tagged [Romance], yo!
I'm not sure what ship this is going to end up commissioning, but be aware the dockyard eagerly awaits
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
So many freakin' lesbo horses.
I think you meant barrel there. "Cannon" implies they already went FAR beyond kissing, and makes their awkward reactions in the kissing scene kinda silly!
6887528
Huh. You really think so? For me, mentally that reads about like a woman putting her hand on a man's forearm during conversation, which I take as a pretty standard early physical sign of interest. That, or maybe like "playing footsie". I have to confess I'm kind of curious what image you get when you're reading that.
6887696
A cannon is a long, hard object that fires projectiles from its business end. Draw your comparisons.
6887725
Ahhhh, I was wondering if that was happening.
A cannon is the lower portion of a horse's leg, equivalent to a forearm or calf.
Is this what this implies twilight loved rainbow dash but then got dumped for AJ and is feeling depressed and then tries to fall for big Mac but fails and finally gets hit on by celestia
You can has review!
4283690
I never expected that math.
Although, I did spend about 40 minutes one night calculating how long it would take for Pinkie Pie to sing 99 Bottles on the Wall at Fillisecond speed.