Blood so Silver, Black by Knight
Luna looked around the room again, seeing everything in a new light. This wasn't a study, it was a tomb.
Casting a simple age detection spell on the statue, the lunar diarch made her way to one of the bookshelves.
"Let's see, Ryse of Emor, Mein Kampf, The Northshine Civilization, Dragon's Hold, History of Fantasia, Tales of the Adventures," she read the titles of the ancient books, grabbing the last one.
It was icy cold in the room, a simple spell revealed it to be about thirty five Fahrenheit, the air was odd too, it was heavy and Luna had to magically breathe to survive.
"It's... xenon gas, the lightning lights are discharging it, he went out of his way to make sure there were no fire lights apparently, and the lack of oxygen kills any microorganisms that would mold or rot the contents of the room," she deduced, opening the book she had selected.
The desk held several papers, diagrams of the complex suit of armor the statue was wearing, Luna took care to gently move them to the side before she put the book down.
Sitting in the comfortable desk-chair, the princess began reading:
-The Tales of the Adventures-
~An autobiography of Saint Luke Lustrous~
I remember my adventures like they were yesterday.
My first day as a Knight was quite easy, there were no attacks, no crises, nothing, it was just another normal day at Castle Crownsburg for everyone.
Despite my godly expertise, I came from tiny, tiny beginnings, I somehow avoided entering a single combat situation for 9 years, year four was when I was assigned to protect the Archmage's daughter, Tara Sparkle.
Tara and I became good friends, caring for each other almost like lovers, or maybe siblings, I don't know, those days are long gone as I write these words with my angelic hand.
I should explain something, I hated orcs, hated them more than anything in the world, I hated them because I was under the impression that I was a rape-child of my mother and an orc.
I was wrong.
I was the result of consensual sex between my orc mother Margaret the Pretty and a weary human male who stayed at her little inn.
As the result of such an act, I was a half-orc, with a large body and spike-tipped ears, I hid my face from the world underneath my black helmet, and I never took it off under my own will.
I'll explain that line later.
I was large, and strong, and I dominated the battlefield, leading my allies through dangerous situations with great expertise.
I just realized I am getting ahead of myself, let me take a step back.
So there I was, a half-orc Knight serving the Castle Crownsburg and fighting in the name of my goddess, Luna Nightstone, a Chaotic Good entity goddess, meaning she controlled an aspect of the world.
The Night.
That was an image of the heaven I went to once, but I'll get to that later.
A heaven where it was night, the most beautiful thing I could have imagined, I cannot even replicate the constellations of the stars, because I fear that attempting to do so and succeeding would cause me to die from being struck breathless.
So I served the night, and I got a lot of jokes about 'Knight of the Night' or just 'Night Knight', but those stupid assholes were... well... stupid assholes, their opinions held no weight in any way that mattered to me.
So I was with Tara, and we often visited the prisoners, finding it interesting to talk to people on the other side of the law.
It was one such visit that began the Order of the Strecont (stree-kont) Heroes.
We found that one of the prisoners, who had been mislabeled as Classless, was a Druid with the ability to turn into a cat, and had used this ability to escape through the cell bars.
His name was confirmed to be Talthos, and deciding that hundreds of minor counts of disturbing the peace wasn't worth the paper it was printed on, so we purged his file.
With fire.
I hate fire, it is against my religion, Luna uses ice, lightning, the ground, and the oceans, ice and the oceans are definitely against fire.
Talthos was promptly defenestrated for acting idiotic (it was through this that he got himself killed many times, being him, he had 9 lives)
He charged back up the stairs, only to get thrown out the window again, and then again, and finally he conceded and was led out of the castle with a pat on the back.
We were immediately interrupted by a drunk samurai Warrior who I had seen earlier in the bar during my and Tara's drinking night.
The Warrior's name was Hitoroki Batosi, a young man with adequate skills that didn't do much for him except lead him to believe that he would be able to handle anything.
Fate can shit on you if you roll low.
We heard a cold beat go by, and my precious shield, as well as some of the others' things, were gone.
The loss of my shield sent me into a frenzy, that shield was the most precious of several relics Luna would eventually bestow upon me.
That shield was the Barrier of Innocence, called that for 2 reasons.
1) one of her tenets was "Defend the Innocent and Slay the Guilty"
2) it was her own 'innocence', she magically reformed it from her hymen.
It had been my first time having sex, and it was magnificent, the shield was a sign of her trust in my faith.
Anyways, let's move on, shall we?
So the little Rogue was known as Mister Yolo Swaggins, he stood two feet tall, was the age of YOLO and the weight of SWAG (I later measured that 1 swag is equal to 50 pounds, so I weighed 6 swags, or 300 pounds, out of armor)
Funnily enough, despite seeming to be a cosmic prank, he was our MVPC for the first few days.
So the five-man band was together, the Order of the Strecon Heroes.
Then came the odd part, our mission.
Our first mission was entitled 'The Keep on the Shadowfell'
I can't recall it in great detail, so I'll outline what happened.
How amazing, the life of an adventurer.
We stopped a drug-dealing Necromancer known as Blackstar the Grim, who killed Hitoroki, and then Hitoroki successfully did a Death Defy, and we reported it back to the king.
Meanwhile, Talthos found a group of kobolds waiting for the delivery guy, he killed them with several summoned cats, all but one of them big, the last one a housecat.
We found him later and followed a red-dot sight to a goblin watching over a tiny ruined fort, we carried him along with us, as I trusted him, since goblins hate orcs like dwarves hate elves.
After nearly falling into a trap in a tunnel, I led us to the barracks of the Shadowfell Keep, inside was dozens of kobolds and goblins.
We killed them easily, next we made our way up and interrupted the meeting between Irontooth, the kobold king, and Mahoe-Gahny, the treant king.
We ended up burning Mahoe to death, and then we killed Irontooth and took his iron tooth, which Talthos found out the hard way that it was cursed.
After killing the two kings and successfully quelling the monster uprisings, I and my team returned to Crownsburg for a night of celebration.
Then came 'The Missing Man of Death' where we recovered the celebrity known as Chuck Norris, who had been mind-controlled by Blackstar the Grim, the Necromancer drug-dealer from the first mission. He had somehow prestiged into a Lich in only a day. After that we received a tip from some Steam Legionnaires (Steam Punks) about Orcus, the Warlord (Warrior) Mage.
We found his cult using a nobleman's son as a virgin sacrifice, now I know that usually (all the time) a virgin sacrifice is female, but this one was male because his body would become the base of Orcus' resurrection, and Orcus was male.
Orcus was temporarily revived with the power of magic and weapons, he used his own sub-reality to change the place into his own personal arena, however we killed what little remained of his army and then killed him, we took some of his stuff to decorate our Heroes' Room.
The Heroes' Room was a nice little anchor to sanity, it was basically a trophy room, inside which you could have anything, already I had hung up a forest tapestry, a 'Hero vs Kobold Army' tapestry, and now Orcus' cultists' candles, which were a nice gray color and burned with white light, an acceptable addition.
After that was The Lost Ones' Location, wherein we travelled to Hitoroki and his brother Rya Huyubasu's villages, a samurai village and a ninja village about two and a half miles apart, we also intercepted a dragon that was flying towards it to attack.
Then we found a portal that led to some place called 'Downtown Los Angeles', we drove in a really fast car for a little bit, then stopped a terrorist attack on a 'nuclear' power plant.
Fantasia was weird enough even without me being a Knight who had a goddess-given bPhone, with cars and guns and magic and kings all at once, it was crazy, but how could splitting atoms make enough energy to power things (much less be a threat) when they were so tiny?
Several adventures later, I finally met again with those little girls, the Class Matcher Crusaders, three little girls who wanted to be heroes like us.
Hitoroki told them to be Assassins, and they saved our hides in the 'Mountainspire Tower of Madness' mission.
Funny, I got this whole 100 page book ready to detail my life, and I can't even remember the most exciting parts.
Hitoroki finally died at Mountainspire, his soul temporarily inhabited his weapons and floated them into killing our enemies, but those Assassins.
They were so young, when we left them on that fateful day, they looked no older than 10 years old, but a year later, at Mountainspire, they looked 15.
A young angel girl named Scootaloo had become an Assassin/Hunter, I saw her spin around and throw a tomahawk that looped around and cut us all down (we'd been suspended five feet about the floor, hanging by one foot with some magical chains), then her dwarf friend, Applebloom, who had become an Assassin/Warrior, distracted three wolfmen while Sweetie Belle, a wood elf Assassin/Bard, used song magic to teleport herself behind the wolfmen and use Blade Bolt (a custom spell, it worked like a Magic Missile, but like a bullet rather than a bomb), the wolfmen died.
They accompanied us all the way to the top, where we found that the big bad evil guy for this massive building was a Demolitionist, we had to watch our steps, as the ground was covered in explosives.
After that, that came the most deadly mission of all, The Dead Men's Gold
It started with a skeleton crew manning a sky-pirate ship and attempted to raid Line City, home of the stick figures.
When we fought them off (Yolo finally died from being thrown off of the ship when it was a mile up in the air), we spent some time in Line City, quelling local crimes and helping repair the buildings.
However, when we returned, we found the king at the time, Donny Huehuehue the dwarf, worried about something.
He revealed that once-peaceful undead all across the land had started attacking the living, it was an uprising of some sort.
After clearing each of the seven cities (Fantasia was a small place, even the capital was only about 8 square miles) we returned to find none other than that recurring asshole, Blackstar the Grim, locked in combat with the guards outside the castle.
Forced to wait for him in the throne room, we finally fought him once and for all.
The windows were blocked by ashy smoke, this bastard could even control the cremated!
So then Blackstar goes on to tell us how he's reached Level 20, is the most powerful Lich in all the land, how he's actually the Lich King now, and how he was going to achieve Kinghood over Fantasia by challenging Donny to a fight to the death.
I saw through his game, and one surprise Necrotic Beam from him finally killed Rya, Talthos, and David (a Level 7 goliath Druid) and left only myself and Drzz'l, who was underleveled and scared.
I slashed at the fiend, and found that he had taken both the Phylactery of Life and the Phylactery of Soul, as with only one hit of my mighty sword, he fell, but then again I had gotten a critical which did the following equation:
(10 x 6 + 15) x 2 + (20 x 2), which I believe (if Tara's math lessons were worth anything) is 130, plus my massive STR bonus, which was 40, so 170 points of slashing/crushing, void, and holy damage (Luna's elements are Holy, Ice, Lightning, Necrotic, and Void).
The Lunar Juggernaut was my second most powerful sword, the blade was 108 inches long, 18 inches broad, and 3 inches thick.
However, the bastard used Empowered Magic Missile, and empowered it with Poison, Fire, and Necrotic, the thing blew up and killed Drzz'l, leaving only me facing the mighty Lich King.
After dozens of rounds of combat, me facing a whole army and him whittling me down, I had had enough of my 500HP being taken, I was Nigh Dead (1/8 HP, Peril is 1/4 and Bloodied is 1/2) so I did what any sane man would do.
I turned to religion.
Faithful Beyond Death, I still remember how it goes, it was my Oath of Valor (a Knights only thing).
The better the man is
The lesser effort to wreck his enemies
No time to see their eyes and feel sympathetic
Never regret it!
A true Knight never stays a blade.
Never says "Touché"
But would forever lay in blue rays
of weather glades
To demonstrate
his never-ending dedication to the crusade
The only reformation will be through flames
Oh and my body may be tested
But I never fear, for I am...
Faithful Beyond Death.
And I stared death in the eyes, and said "Not right now, maybe later."
I started going into the negatives, and he started tearing my armor to pieces, first he ablated my left shinguard and right shoulderguard, then melted my breastplate half off of me/half on me (some major fire damage), then he got up close when I was in an Anti-Ranged Attack stance, then tore away at my chainmail.
This onslaught continued, I was simply not quick enough to parry and attack him, as at the time I was Level 14, and I would develop such a skill when I next leveled up (I always did that, learning from what I've been through)
With my right hand missing, forced to levitate my shield with magic and use my sword in my left hand, I continued to fight (I had enough of a STR stat to use 3-handed weapons in 1 hand), as I would not die until after my enemy did.
The Lich King magically probed me, telling him everything about my physical well-being.
He learned about my eye.
Back in 'The Missing Man of Death', an orc shot me with an arrow and it hit me in my left eye, but being immune to Sight Debuffs, my right eye gained the power of two eyes.
He shot me through the head with a Soul Beam spell, ripping my helmet apart and removing all of the flesh on the left side of my head, luckily this was my useless left eye, rather than my still-working right eye.
Standing there, my cream color half-face exposed, my right ear was revealed, I am a half-orc.
With Tara remaining at my side, I charged the fiend one last time, casting the holy spell known as Part of Darkness, I easily located the Lich King's two phylacteries, his soul was in a sphere hanging inside his chest, his life force was in his crown.
I charged him, the Lunar Juggernaut raised high, he shot me in the other eye, but left the rest of the half of my face unharmed.
"Lich King, you have been," I paused to slice his body in half, releasing his soul and life force and killing him once and for all, "Dethroned, you weak-ass motherfucker," yes, I said the swears back then.
With my enemy down, my body's test was complete, and I fell to the ground, on the verge of death.
Tara was at my side, I could see her clearly, despite not having any working eyes.
She was so beautiful, so young, full of life and potential.
I was not, I was an ugly abomination half-orc who was about to die and had a completed life.
In my Dying Breath, I told her.
"I love you, Tara, and tell my mother that I love her too, I have done my duty for Luna," I said, and then with a cliche little "bleh" I died.
That was when things got better.
I appeared in heaven, my rended flesh restored with angelic tissues, my massive muscles strong once again, upon my back was a pair of angel wings.
And standing in front of me was my goddess, Luna Nightstone.
I would attempt to recreate her here, but I simply cannot copy perfection, so I will do my best.
She appeared before me standing 5 feet 9 inches with a small frame, if in the mortal plane, she would weigh no more than Tara, at 120 pounds.
Her hair looked as if cut from the night sky, dark blue with a field of stars twinkling within it.
Her dainty hands clutched a staff, the crescent staff, it looked to be made of divinified silver.
She made it vanish and merely looked at me with her wonderous teal eyes.
"You have served me well, brave Paladin of Wrath, I give to you, this, a sign of my good will to you," she reached into nothing and pulled out a silver skull with pointed teeth.
A few instructions later, She looked at me, I stood there wearing only my tabard, the rest of my armor (helmet included) had been torn to pieces during my battle with the Lich King
My tabard (the cloth thing I wear over my chest and back, its like the badass cousin of the apron) depicted the moon in its current phase, a magical spell changed the phase of the moon on my tabard to match the current phase of the actual moon.
The Barrier of Innocence, held in my mortal left hand.
The Divinity amulet, a symbol of my Clerichood.
The Tidal Speed amulet, it made me move with the swiftness of the waves of the ocean.
The Streaking Glass amulet had just appeared around my neck, yet another gift. It reflected any magic that wasn't necrotic, ice, or lightning, and healed me when attacked by those three elements. It looked like a plasma ball, but like a plasma cube.
The empty bottle of the Dream Elixir (it had been the first relic I received), it made me sleep 60 times faster, so a Short Rest was 5 seconds rather than 5 minutes and an Extended Rest was 6 minutes instead of 6 hours.
The Silver Skull gave me buffs by either kissing it for an attack buff or touching foreheads with it for a defense buff.
I then received the ability that I later became best known for, Evanescence, it was so associated with me that it became part of my Saint's title. With it, I could fade from sight at will, it was basically sanctified invisibility.
She put her small hand in my large one, looking up at me and locking her teal eyes with my blue ones, tracing the scar down my left eye with a finger, I touched the spot and found that it was gone.
She ran her fingers through my white hair (I suffered chronic stress prior to that moment, it really drained my melanin levels in place of adrenalin and dopamine), I felt my scalp tingle, and later looking in the mirror revealed that my hair was now speckled with tiny black stars.
Starfield, it allowed the casting of up to 100 times the power of a spell by creating little stars that would imitate the spell with the same results that you had.
"I bless you with these items, mighty Luke, I know you will use them well, now return to the world of the living, this Death Defy is free." she magically traced a circle in the air, filling it with several splotches that made it an image of her wondrous moon, and then cast me down to the mortal realm again.
I found myself landing at my own funeral, my old body had been wearing my restored armor, but since there can only be one of me, my corpse disintegrated, leaving my armor in the coffin.
"Well, um... *ahem* I am awake once again!" I proclaimed, and everyone present cheered.
As it turned out, the king at the time was so convinced of my worth that he contacted the Knights' General and the Pope (the top-ranked leader of 'The Omnitheistic Church of Universal Acceptance, it was the central church for the whole nation, as all religions were welcome, they existed to smite, bless, consecrate, saint, hallow, and sanctify things, it was how Clerics/Bishops prestiged into Papalia de Clerico/Bishop).
I just realized how long that parenthesized part was, damn...
Anyway, the Knights' General and the Pope gave their respects in the form of the Medal of Honor and my being dubbed a Saint.
So there I was, a living Medal of Honor recipient and Saint, I was revered and feared all across the nation, and extremely respected in every other nation as well.
I changed my presence of 'reverence and dread' to 'reverence and wonder', so that I would inspire others to be strong as well.
After all: the world may run on magic, but it is dominated by strength.
---
Luna simply flipped through several more pages, each containing very nice looking artwork of various scenes in Luke's adventures.
"I can't help but feel like I already kne-" *DING* "Oh, the spell has completed itself," she recognized, setting the book down and walking over to the statue again.
Grabbing the green ball, she saw it turn blue and shift around, displaying numbers.
"Alright let's see..." the blue alicorn's face fell.
According to her Age Measurement spell, this statue was about an hour over ten thousand years old.
The reality of the situation was grinding away at Luna's sanity, she was here in an ice-cold tomb filled with xenon gas, looking through books written by a man who'd died over ten thousand years old, and she's come out here in the middle of plot-fuck nowhere because of a letter written to her by the same dead guy.
"So... ten thousand years, huh?" she said to it, looking up at the helmeted head, "Well Luke, I'm here now, your goddess Luna Nightstone of the Moon among other things. So what do you want from me?" she demanded, her voice was a bit distraught.
The statue still didn't respond, as it was still a fucking statue.
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....I dont have a witty joke,But please,More?
more???
That outro line is a PARADOX!!!!!!
This was a terrible chapter. It was bad and you should feel bad. Roleplay does not equal story.
Sorry, but you lost me when you brought up a shield made from a hymen. Not saying it's a bad story, it's just not for me.
Nazis!!!
jncnsneuuqocfgd!!! Chuck Norris!! how did he get there!
Also, this is a very good story so far.
This a damned D Ad D quest?