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That morning was just like every morning, get up, get out of bed, take shower, brush teeth. Only difference for Shining Armor, he isn't himself. Or SHE isn't herself!
This Story is a one shot inspired by the stories picture. the colors, the image, the design, it just made me urge to write this, So please enjoy and comment, and maybe i might write more.
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That was an excellent story. I like how you ended it with Rarity coming to give shining a makeover. I can't wait for the next story.
this is so cool X3
I really liked your story, although there are some things I would like to point out.
/10 which means that I won't like it, nor will I dislike it.
The story is really short(not like mine is...), and I feel like it could be much longer, with a nicer ending.
At some points it seems a little rushed(not like mine is...), and could use some more dialogue.
This story is good, but could be much better if you made it a little longer and more detailed.
I give it a
Also, this story is a little like I'm NOT a Mare written by Redbook.
Oh wow, forgot that it was incomplete...
This story is going well so far. I'd like to see more
4063485 yeah.... don't expect too long its a oneshot.
4063485 meaning its meant to be a cliffhanger, there's nohing else for me to write here. I might update the one chapter a bit later, but this isn't on my bucket list or anything.
4063119 so I do not expect me to upsate it, althoufh I have a ton of new watches, I really have no where to go forward on this story, I never changed the incomplete to complete. I may add more to it.... but like I saId, its not anywhere near yhe top of my list
XD The ending of this chapter was perfect!
Haha it's the last line that gets me
Iol. this is a fun story
. :3
Great concept, good idea, good story... needs some work though. Nothing a little review and editing can't handle.
This story idea looks a lot like I'm NOT a Mare! by Redbook.
4067100 I have no idea who that is. I found the picture thought: hmm what would happen if shining arnor got turned into female for awhile, then I made a reason he got changed, and added emotion. I wrote this in an hour. If it looks like it, I wouldnt know, Ive never read the story. Just wanted to write it and then I wrote it and shared it.
4067134 oh okay then :)
You should really read it, though.
Good, but felt a bit rushed.
“Yes, she is actually studying right now, but im sure she wilol be happy to see you. Come on in, I will go tell her.” Spike said, running off. Cadence pushed Gleaming Shield in the door, and shut it behind her. Looks like Spike knew what was going on.
The solution was a bit too easy and pat, even if I must admit it sounds like a reformed Discord would make such a plant.
That ending gag was gold, however.
4067318 actually... Spike didnt see gleaming behind cadence. But due to the recent threes a crowd episode. I wanted to add more to it. I wanted to take the feeling that they have wanted to see each other but haven't had the time. Spike knew that, but he went to take a bubble bath after telling twilight. That's what I tell myself though.
4067515 yeah, I thought of flutterguy, and couldn't think anything else, thought of poison joke, and thought of red poison joke (from the foal-a-verse made by super stallion and how they mention the mind erasing green poison joke.)
Twilight knew way too easily that it was Shining Armor... and Rarity coming for a makeover meant that someone warned her in advance..... why do I feel like Twilight is the one who sent the Purple Poison Joke somehow
Dat shield/armour
And that kids, is why Equestria is a hostile territory for any and all guys.
Edit: Forgot best song.
A funny story, maybe a little bit too fast in it's pace.
The end though made me laugh.
4067904 and cadence actually sent a letter to twilight before they left. ;) little writers note
Praise the All Powerful Literature God's For Giving us Transgender Stories.
4068138 Curse the minor devils of fanfiction for not providing a grammar check! Or a spell check! Or a capitalization check! CURSE THE ERROR DEMONS!
Oh...and you don't need all those capitals in your sentence. It doesn't add much weight to what you're typing there.
DG, this is some of your best work...
I look forward to seeing more.
MOAR.
4069017 *facehoof* nick..... nick.... nick.... ugh
WHAT IN THE F***** WORLD?!?! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! MOST FUNNIEST STORY EVER!!!
4070174 for any diehard InsertAuthorHere Fans out there and any miltary fans, I gave ya some references ;)
4070174 for any diehard InsertAuthorHere Fans out there and any miltary fans, I gave ya some references ;)
4067750 I was more referring to the spelling error with wilol to make a funny
Guess you weren't there last night...
4070629 nope ;)
This is just great. 10/10 for funny.
Rushed rushed rushed.
Kinda funny though, but humour can't save sloppy writing. No thumbs up, but no thumbs down.
Execute of a great story... YES!! YES!!! YESS!!! FULL YES!!gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Daniel-Bryan-Yes-Cheer.gif
It was fun and all but the pacing went a million miles an hour
This one could easily fill out 5000 words, and still not be entirely done. There is so much potential for a fun and quirky story here, even one that is several chapters long if you wanted to.
There are also several unanswered questions, questions that desperately needs to be answered. For example, how did Twilight know that it was a Purple Poison Joke that made Shining have a genderflip? Recognising "Gleaming" as being "Shining" is reasonable since they're siblings, but instantly knowing what caused it is a bit of a stretch.
Also, when did Discord tell her about him being the creator of Poison Joke? This is only a minor thing, but still something that you could elaborate on.
Another question is this; what happened the night before? Again, only a small thing, but it would serve as a build-up for what's to come. Have him come home from a long day's work, stop at a flower shop and inspect some flowers, one of them purple, then bring home a bouquet of roses or something. That would tell us how he came in contact with the Purple Poison Joke.
You have the potential for a hilarious story, but you need to work on the execution of it.
4072031 i only expected this to be a oneshot, don't worry, I do have plans for extending the story, but i didn't expect this story to be as popular as it is right now either. I uploaded my last two stories and they didn't get the "welcoming party" that this one did. I know now i need to work more on this story, but don't worry, I have a sequel, that continues where this left off, and a side story (if my friend takes the bet... see THIS ) So I do expect to eventually continue onto this story.
Contractions! Use them! They make dialog feel more natural. Most people wouldn't speak like that.
I tried to read it, and from reading the comments I have probably enjoyed it if I had, but the execution is so rushed it makes the Zerg look slow and what is there (at least for the first few paragraphs) is simple to the point of repetition. Literally. As in every sentence in the first paragraph starts exactly the same.
Don't worry, I'm not going to downvote you for that -I save those for when there is something fundamentally wrong with the story itself- but I'll have to withhold the upvote as well, at least until I can read the whole thing without it making my head spin like a top.
Good concept, and good basis for a more elaborate story, but what we have here is too short, too choppy, and too fast-paced. For example, you could have gotten 1000 words of just what he did before Cadance found him, and a similar length out if him sneaking around the palace.
Also, Cadance feels OOC - she comes off as curt and a bit mean here.
This is something cool, consistent, catchy, yet somehow confusing. Hrmm...
It should be in comic form!
4070388
What?
...Cadence immediately going for 'my husband is sleeping with someone else'?
4075530 well there is a female in his room, and he loves his wife dearly. If you saw a naked (pony standards... just got out of shower) opposite gender in your spouses bedroom, wouldnt you freak out?
4076481
I think the more pressing question entering MY mind would be: 'Why does that pony look so disturbingly like my-? Waitaminute... WTB?!"
In short, conclusion is found dubious at best and holds water like a bucket that's been used for target practice by Patrick Flanigan with a 12 gauge Extrema 2.
Concept is amazing. Grammar, not so good. Pacing is appalling. Within like two paragraphs we get to the plot. There's no build up or anything. And then at the end, it takes like three lines for them to figure it out.
In other words, good enough, but could have been so much better. I would recommend getting a prereader.
Please write a sequel; a setup as good as this deserves to be continued.