Lindsay Morgan is a girl who mostly keeps to herself, isn't very social, and spends her days at home. Till one day, for a change of pace, she goes for a walk, but stumbles (or more or less crashes) into a certain cyan pegasus. Lindsay is unsure of what to do, and brings Dash to her house. Soon more ponies show up, things go array, and Lindsay learns about friendship, all while writing her experience in her diary.
*REUPLOAD*
i deleted my fic the first time because i was thinking to myself "its not good, its really bad, might as well stop"
but i decided to put it back up, since apparently people like it (something i didn't think would EVER happen).
and i'm back to writing for it :)
thanks to Dartrunner for the proof-reading
this is my very first fanfiction, i hope you guys like it, i never thought writing a fanfic could be so HARD lol
cover art by...the animators of the show lol
Though this is one of those "ponies irl" stories, this one grabbed me. Your description has done its job.
Now, onto the actual story. You seem to have an issue with missing capitals, or putting them in the wrong place.
There are also some general mistakes that can be fixed with a good proof-reading.
Secondly, you have the (extremely common) issue where writers change the tense they are writing in, repeatedly. If I was to say to focus on one thing, it would be this. It is the most annoying to readers, and the hardest one for you personally to fix.
In stead of using a bunch of ----------, use a [ hr] tag. It works better. You may only see one line of dashes, but I see 2 and a bit for the one with the most, since I am on the mobile site.
I know this seems like a lot of stuff to think about, (writing fanfic just got harder!) but with time and practice comes improvement.
I would really appreciate if you would PM me when you get the change. I would like to offer my help.
Well it's your first story and although I do feel bad about how poorly the fic is doing, there are a plenty of mistakes that can be fixed with a good proofreading. Try and comb over it and fix those mistakes
4038245
The irony does not escape me.
But yes, the author needs to work on past/present-tense confusion, and also on consistent capitalization -- particularly in the use of the pronoun "I", and any words formed from it ("I'm", "I'll", "I'd", "I've", etc...), which must always have a capital "I", no exceptions.
Using the [ hr ] horizontal line separator is one way to do it (and I see two lines' worth of dashes here as well, so it's not just the mobile site); Another way is to do this:
===== =====
which is done by putting
[ center ]===== =====[ /center ]
(without the spaces before and after the square brackets, of course.)
Also, watch the use of "it's" vs. "its"; there's a couple of slip-ups there.
Finally, in the story description:
The word is "fateful", not "faithful."
4038578
T'was not my intention.
And it has been fixed.
4038601
If you were on a mobile device, the auto-completion "feature" probably sabotaged you. Those things are notoriously unhelpful, especially when they insist on "correcting" a word that isn't misspelled in the first place.
4038654
Too true.
Sounds really interesting. I'll keep my eye on this.
"i" should be "I".
Nothing major, but there should be another space between the two lines.
Same here.
Overall, pretty good. Definitely going on my Favorites.
4045376 thanks very much
4045808
Told you that I would miss something.
Sorry that it took so long to read this, but great chapter! No grammar or formatting mistakes that I could find. I look forward to the next one!
It lives! It LIVES!!
5298224 yes, it has risen from the ashes once more XD