The Emperor's New Frickin' Clothes
The sun hovered close to -though still a fair distance away from- the horizon, painting the sky on one side in a golden hue and leaving the other side to the rising moon, and the flood of tiny lights that seemed to materialize alongside it. Whenever she would glance upwards, Twilight would feel a pang of regret for missing the meteor shower. In a way, she would rationalize, it was worth it, because we made first contact instead. But at the same time… Memories of the doctor were still freshly engraved into her mind, and not a single one of them was good.
But she wouldn’t have to be left to her own thoughts for much longer, as the group of ponies -consisting of Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity and herself- found themselves at the entrance to Applejack’s farmhouse. Looking off to her right, the sun was completely obstructed by the rows upon rows of apple trees, with only small flecks of light passing through gaps in the leaves and casting their radiance all over the ground behind them. She would’ve found the opportunity to relax, had she not heard screaming from inside.
“Aha!” called an unbearably-familiar voice from inside. “I frickin’ got you now!”
“No, don’t do that!” called the filly from inside. “You can’t!”
“That’s mah sister!” shouted Applejack, who had donned a look of both horror and rage. Not even bothering to use the doorknob, Applejack spun herself around and delivered a swift kick to the door dead-center, emitting the sound of splitting wood as the door was kicked in half and off of its hinges.
Inside, both the doctor -who was sitting on the floor crosslegged- and Applebloom -who laid on her stomach opposite him- reeled back to avoid the oak fragments that were once the door, surprised, and in between them, a small tower of wooden blocks collapsed, with the doctor still holding a single block. Applebloom looked back at the fallen tower, and a smug grin crawled across her face. “I win!” she exclaimed.
“I call bullshit!” the doctor exclaimed, staring back at the group of ponies that now stood just inside. “What the hell’s the matter with you people?!”
“What were ya doin’ t’ mah sister?” Applejack interrogated angrily.
“I was kicking her ass in a game of Jenga!” he shouted back, “What the hell did you think we were doing?”
“That’s what I wanted t’ find out!” Applejack’s temper slowly fell, though she was still quite upset.
The doctor rolled his eyes. “Well enjoy the shelter and security that comes with having a frickin’ door. Oh wait, never mind.” He balled his hand into a fist and began chuckling into it. Twilight then looked over and saw Applebloom doing the same thing with her hoof.
“It’s not nice to mimic other ponies, Applebloom,” Twilight reprimanded.
“But I’m not mimickin’!” she countered, lowering her hoof back to the floor. “Doctor Evil’s lettin’ me be his apprentice, so I can get a cutiemark in bein’ a supervillain!”
“Uh, beg pardon?” Applejack said, her expression one of disdain and confusion.
“What was that, Tiny-Me?” then said the doctor, who leaned forward onto his hands and pushed himself up to his feet.
“Hmm?” Applebloom raised an eyebrow, before her eyes widened. “Oh yeah! ‘Rule number two; don’t call it a cutiemark because supervillains don’t say that.’”
“Excellent job, apprentice.”
“Oh no it ain’t!” Applejack cut in, standing between the two. “I’m sorry, but I ain’t gonna let ‘im brainwash you into bein’ evil. You ain’t bein’ his apprentice.”
“Aw, why not?” Applebloom questioned, a big frown and a pair of big puppydog eyes.
Applejack returned with an unimpressed expression. “Do y’all really think that ol’ trick’ll work on yer big sister?”
“Sorry to interrupt,” Rarity interjected, “but if it’s not too much trouble, I really do need these measurements.”
“Oh yeah,” then said Applejack, before looking back at the doctor. “She’s wantin’ t’ make you a fancy getup fer the party in a few days.”
“Well what’s wrong with my current attire?” the doctor inquired, looking down at his clinical uniform.
“Nothing at all!” Rarity hastily said with a large reassuring -though not very convincing- smile. “It’s just that for such an occasion, one should not refrain from dressing with a bit more… class.”
The doctor gave her an unimpressed stare. “Right… And just how much is this going to cost me?” he then inquired. “Because if you haven’t guessed it by now, my assets -much like myself- were frozen thirty years ago.”
“Oh, there’s no charge!” Rarity exclaimed. “The only compensation I require is the satisfaction of creating a wardrobe for one of such an exotic physique.”
“Well in that case…” Before the doctor finished, he looked down to examine the brick in his hand for a moment, before tossing it over his shoulder. “Daddy’s getting a brand new labcoat.”
-Insert Austin Powers WIpe Here-
I’m beginning to frickin’ regret this.
So thought Doctor Evil as he stepped through the doorway and into the main chamber of what Rarity had called “Carousel Boutique”. Almost immediately, the first thing he noticed was the smell; an overpowering aroma of artificial fragrances. He hit the invisible wall of scent and gagged violently as the potent aerosol invaded his sinuses.
“Are you alright, darling?” inquired a concerned Rarity, who had turned her head back without stopping.
He shook his head, taking another breath before immediately coughing into his fist. “Jesus Christ!” he shouted, covering his face with his hands. “It smells like you spilled rubbing alcohol all over the goddamn place!”
“Do you not like the smell of citrus?” she asked, stopping behind a wide -yet low to the ground- and rounded platform.
“I don’t like frickin’ drowning in it, that’s for certain,” he replied, following Rarity. It was at this time that he had decided to examine the room he was in. It was a large circular room, with a flat wall on the far back that housed a closed pink door. The walls themselves were a very light shade of lavender, with a purple trim along the bottom three inches. There were tall windows circling the entire chamber -save for the one flat wall in the back- and on the ceiling hung a decorative chandelier. All over, there were open boxes containing assorted fabrics of a myriad of hues and mannequins -Or frickin’ “pony-quins”, he thought- adorned with ornate and exotic gowns and dresses. He stopped on the other side of the podium, keeping one hand over his mouth and nose, and the other on his hip. “So what now?”
“If you could be a dear and step up here,” she said, patting the top of the platform, “then I could get your measurements.”
“Alright,” he said, stepping up and onto the platform. “Now what?” he then asked her.
“Now I just need you to take off your clothes,” she began, “and I’ll begin measuring for the-”
“Woah, Nelly!” he shouted, raising his hands at chest height. “The least you could do is buy me dinner first!”
Rarity gave him a confused stare. “What are you talking about?”
“I like to be wined and dined first,” he explained, “before we get to canoodling.” ...Wait, what the hell am I saying? “Also, you’re a horse,” he added. “It would never work out between us.”
Rarity was about to say something… when she erupted into a giggling fit, bringing a hoof up to her snout in a futile attempt to prevent the sound from escaping her lips.
The doctor raised an eyebrow. “Well now what’s with the frickin’ tittering?”
“Y-You thought… I… Pfffff-” Rarity doubled over onto the platform, her giggling turning into a full-blown hysterical laugh. She clutched her gut with her hooves, stomping on the floor with her legs. “I’m sorry!” she spat out between fits of delirium. “I’m so so-HHHAH!” Her laughter then devolved into harsh wheezing as she gasped for breath.
The doctor rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and waiting impatiently for her to finish. “Okay, this is getting a bit excessive,” he stated. “You mind telling me what the hell is so goddamned funny now?”
Rarity took in a deep breath, before loudly -and obnoxiously, according to the supervillain- clearing her throat. “I’m sorry,” she said hoarsely, before clearing her throat once more. “I’m terribly sorry about that, deary. I don’t know what came over me. Now, would you mind removing your clothing?”
“Yes I frickin’ would mind!” he exclaimed. “We’ve just been over this for crying out loud!”
“...But then how am I supposed to measure you for the ensemble?” she questioned upsetly. “What’s so terrible about you de-robing?”
“Well for starters I-” He ceased his talking upon having experienced a sudden revelation.
Everyone in this town is nude, he realized. What frickin’ luck.
“...Yes..?” Rarity made a motion with her hoof imploring him to continue.
“Here’s a lesson for you,” he began. “Human one-oh-one; we don’t take our clothes off in front of strangers.”
“Really?” Rarity rubbed her chin with a hoof. “that’s so… odd, if you’ll forgive my saying so.”
“Well odd or not, that’s how the frickin’ cookie crumbles,” he told her. “So I’m not taking my clothes off.”
Rarity sighed. “Very well, I shall measure you with them on. I’ll try to compensate for the additional width of the fabric, but I cannot guarantee a perfect fit.” Rarity turned around, walking towards an opened chest and looking inside. After a moment, she turned back around, and a roll of measuring tape hovered just above her.
“I don’t care about-Bwuuuh..?” He interrupted his own sentence as he saw the floating clothworker’s tool. ...What the hell..? “How are you doing that?” he inquired, pointing towards the floating object.
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Doing what?” she questioned, stopping once more in front of the podium. The roll of measuring tape quickly unraveled, and wrapped itself around the doctor’s thigh, causing him to flinch.
“That,” he said, placing a hand on the measuring tape. “How are you making that float?”
She looked at him with confusion. “With magic, of course. Also, could you please move your hand so that I may see what it reads?” Removing his hand, he placed it back on his hip -along with the other that covered his face.
“Bullshit.”
“I beg your pardon?” She took a step backwards, taken aback by his sudden vulgarity.
“How are you really doing that?” he began. “Ultra-thin wire manipulation? Hidden tractor beam? ...How the hell do you have frickin’ tractor beams?” And how come I don’t?
“I’m afraid that I have no idea as to what you are talking about,” she said, the measuring tape moving up from his thigh to his waist. “What, do you not have magic where you’re from?”
“Of course not,” he replied. “There’s no such thing as magic. Everything can be explained through science.”
“You say that as though magic is somehow unexplainable,” she rebutted, reading the tape for a moment before moving up to your chest.
He rolled his eyes. This oughta be good. “Very well then; regale me with the inner machinations behind the use of what you call magic.”
“Well, it’s fairly simple,” she began, now measuring the doctor’s arm circumference. “You see, magic is an unknown force-”
“Mm-hmm.”
“-that only unicorns can use-”
“Yes, yes.”
“-and that is channeled through-”
“Let me guess; love?” he said condescendingly, raising his hands back up open-palmed and twiddling his fingers.
“...Our horn,” she finished, and the tape wrapped around his cranium. “I apologize, but love makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Is that how it works on your planet?”
“Sure, why the hell not,” he replied, yawning shortly after. “Are we through yet? I’m gonna pass out over here.”
“Hmm? Oh, yes of course!” she then exclaimed, removing the measuring tape. “Now, are there any specific details or designs that you’d like me to include for-”
“I don’t frickin’ care,” he said, yawning once more and stepping down from the podium, setting his course for the door. “Go wild with it.”
“Are you sure?” he heard her call from behind him.
Grabbing the doorknob, he looked back and returned with, “Get frickin’ creative or something!” before opening the door and shutting it behind him.
Magic. “Pffft,” was the noise that he made, before he turned east towards the near-obscured sunset. ...Wait, the sun sets in the east here? ...How queer.
As the doctor walked through the street, he crossed several other small ponies of which he’d spare a passing glance, and they would return with stares of intrigue, fear, or kindness -the latter of which unsettled him the most. However, he noticed that most everyone kept their distance from him.
Good, he thought. They are still unsure of me. Now, how do I make them fear me..? ...Most likely by sabotaging the party in three days. But how would I go about doing so? My original plan to feed the citizens to sharks with lasers on their heads is a no-go, thanks to that bumbling politician.
...I need an accomplice, he pondered. Not just an apprentice; someone who can commit insidious acts with me now. A professional criminal; though I’m fairly certain that this town is devoid of any sort of street urchin. Such a shame. Looking to his left, he gazed up at the towering tree-fort that stood at the center of the large space between rows of houses. Something in the corner of his eye, however, stayed his feet, and he turned to observe what had caught his attention.
Climbing up the side of the tree was a creature -a pony, as the doctor had recognized- draped in a dark cloak. It was climbing up to an open window, where a candle flickered dully- the only light emanating from the tree that didn’t come from the first floor.
...Perhaps I spoke too soon, he thought; a wicked grin stretching across his face. Let’s see how this plays out. Looking around, he found a bench that sat up against the side of a house facing the arboreous dwelling, and promptly sat himself down. Now if only I had some frickin’ kettle corn.
He watched as the pony semi-skillfully scaled the tree, with various pieces of bark falling whenever he would take a step. Eventually, the figure made it to the lip of the round window, and not before blowing out the candle did he vault himself up and inside.
Impressive, thought the doctor. And he didn’t even need a grappling hook.
“Hiya Mister!”
He jumped in his seat, startled by the sudden vocal intrusion. Quickly turning his head towards the source of the voice, he saw nothing but an empty street with various street lights flickering in the night breeze.
“Where the hell are you?” the doctor asked out loud, before furrowing his brow. Deja-vu, he thought to himself. ...Wait a minute. He looked down, and saw a smaller horse of a similar size to “Tiny-Me”; though this horse was orange, with a shaggy purple mane. Has the same sized eyes though, he silently noted. Seriously, these horses’ eyes are creeping me the hell out. “Oh… Well what the hell do you want? Can’t you see I’m busy?”
The child cocked her head to the side, confused. “Busy doing what?” she inquired.
Before he could answer, he heard a thud, and upon turning his head, he saw the home invader lying on the ground under the window of which he had found entrance, rubbing his head through his hooded cloak. The doctor took a moment to chuckle freely, but was silenced by a hoof slapping his leg. He scowled down at the filly, only to find that she scowled right back at him.
“...Did you just frickin’ hit me?” he asked, surprised that anyone would be so bold as to assault him.
“Yeah!” she said defiantly. “It’s not nice to laugh at other ponies’ injuries!”
He raised an eyebrow, looking straight into her eyes. ...She’s not afraid? he wondered. ...Interesting.
He looked back up to where the mysterious pony had lain, only to find that the figure had disappeared entirely. He sighed. “Well it looks like I’m not busy anymore,” he said resignedly, before looking back down at the child. “So what the hell did you want again?”
“Applebloom sent me,” he -Or is it she? he wondered. Really, it could go either way- said. “She wants you to meet us at the clubhouse tomorrow morning.”
He simply stared at the small horse for a moment, before finally replying with, “Okay, one; where the hell is the clubhouse? Two; what does she need me there for? And three; she thinks that I’ll just come running along like a dachshund?”
“Applebloom said it’s about being your pro… protege? I think that’s how you say that.”
The doctor placed a pinkie to his mouth giddily. So she still plans on being my apprentice? Even though she must defy her elders in order to do so? ...How delightfully defiant of her. I may make a villain out of her yet. “Very well then,” he said, lowering his pinkie back down. “Have her send a guide to the home of the one called… Fluttershy.” He shuddered. I still hate that name.
The small pony grinned widely at him. “You mean it?”
“Are you questioning my word?” he questioned.
“Of course not!” she quickly assured.
“Good,” he said, cutting her off. “That’s how it should be. Now, at what time should I expect the guide?”
“Oh, around dawn,” said the pony. “Before any of the grown-ups wake up.”
“Makes sense,” he said, before opening his mouth wide to allow the passage of an escaping yawn. He shook his head frantically in an attempt to keep himself from passing out. “Well I need to get some shut-eye.” He stood up off of the bench, before looking down at the orange pony. “Oh, what was your name again?”
“Scootaloo, at your service!” she said proudly.
He placed his face into the palm of his hand, before wiping his hand down over his mouth and rolling his eyes. “...Right…” And with that, he turned around, and headed back towards Fluttershy’s cottage, grinning sinisterly.
And so, my evil organization shall rise again, and stronger than ever! He looked back towards the orange filly, who desperately tried to flap her wings in an attempt to fly. He shrugged.
Well, it’s a start.
Stats
Page generated in 0.042 seconds
Total duration
651 users online
1,024,742 hits today, 2,571,732 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Frickin' Mondays.
One does not simply do something productive on a Monday.
Do I see a reference to "Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared," or am I crazier than I thought?
Okay so now Applebloom and Scootaloo are now win with Doctor Evil. Now we just need Sweetie Belle to get the complete CMC set. (Is Pinkie Pie going to join in because I wouldn't be surprised if she still wanted to be his number two.
) Doctor Evil still needs a number two and a Frau (Boy I spelled that wrong I fear 
).
Wrong name
4279323 ...Damnit. Proofread twice, and I miss a massive error... Crap.
4282823
I feel you man. no homo. There's this game I play called Ogame. It's a space empire simulator sorta with a consistent universe. I couldn't access my account, the server said my account didn't exist. Waited on support for a week. Was told my screenshot of the login page showed the UK website >idiotoverhere
This ought to be good.
4275999
I don't see what you mean.
4293326
I thought it was a refrence. CURSE YOU PINKIE!
What did I do?
YOU TOLD ME IT WAS A REFERENCE, DAMMIT!
...I wasn't here.
No Dr. Evil, the power of love is channeled to beat Changelings, so actually, yeah, there is the power of love magic, but I don't think this is set around Season 2.
Oh AJ, your little sister and one of her friends are going to be evil...well, not very evil since Dr. Evil is not that evil to begin with, no matter how much he likes to think he's evil.