What Once was Lost...
What Once Was Lost:
I spent a thousand years mourning and found no virtue in it. I found no solace or resolution to our conflict. I mourned for what could have been; what I could have been...
Harmony was but in my grasp and you stole it sister. You gave into the will of lesser beings and cast me aside. I merely desired control, order. With my night I could have changed this world; no war, no fighting. Eternal bliss, progress and development without pause! An impossible dream made reality by a goddess worthy of her praise. You denied me of this.
The whole concept of will, good or ill, is irrelevant when speaking of beings such as ourselves. Our actions are not to be questioned by those who we allow to live. We are gods, my precious sister, and gods must be strong. They believe you to be the stronger one. The more beautiful and glorious. They are merely blinded by the illusion your sun casts upon them. I see through it sister. I see through your warm words and soft embraces. I see the poison in your heart; its grotesque stench still burns my lungs.
Now I wait and watch from this tower in which I have been so conveniently placed. What was your reasoning? To ease me gently back into the loving arms of our ponies? Ha! More likely your pathetic attempt to control that which can never be constrained. Remember that the darkness is the ocean in which light has the privilege in swimming. The universe is an ocean without a shore, and with no where to rest, your light will inevitably drown.
I see your precious city in flames. Your perfect little ponies now suffer. What will you do I wonder? Will you protect them? Will you smite these insects from your white city? No. Instead the moment I have desired for so long shall come to pass. The moment where your light will flicker, then die. As you lay there on the ground you must be wondering, how? How could that pest Chrysalis best you? Unfortunately the truth will only make your failure seem even more pathetic; I gave her my love. How could I not? Unlike the ponies of Equestria the changelings were suffering. Chrysalis had become so desperate that she prayed to me. She prayed to the princess of the night. She looked to me in hopes that I would not forsake her kind as your ponies did me. I told her that I would not only love her, but her children as well. I would give these disgusting and unnatural monsters my eternal love so long as they swore themselves to me. I spent my time feeding them…nurturing them. You believe they look hideous now? They were on the thread that separates life and death when I took them in.
Infiltrating Canterlot was trivial. Your guards have become invalid objects incapable of providing the basic security that is expected from them. But you didn’t care did you sister? The one power in this universe that could challenge yours was locked away, forgotten. Through our beloved niece, I was provided a perfect path towards your destruction. Of course, Cadence would never agree to harming her perfect Auntie. She is still young and knows not the history of your ascendance. This alone is the reason I allowed her to keep her life. I feel no sorrow for harming her. A creature of our quality should be more aware of her surroundings. Perhaps I can yet still teach her to be a proper goddess.
After bestowing much power unto Chrysalis I granted her the pleasure of being loved by others. First by your captain, then your guards, and then your little elements. I find it comforting knowing you loved her too. That is right Celestia. It is your very love that powered the monster which will end you. It is the love that every pony you know gives to one another. It is the love you have for your student. It is the love that the world never granted me, that now makes Canterlot suffer. I see your weak body from here sister; it pains me. It pains me at my core that I am not there at your side. To hold you and embrace as you once held me. It pains me that I cannot be the one to end you. It should be me. My eyes should meet yours as the light forever ends, and as you realize that it is me! That your sister, and not some myth, is the one who has struck you down and conquered this world! Nightmare Moon and I are one and the same!
That was always your problem, Celestia. The truth was the one sound you tuned out. Perhaps that is incorrect. Yes, you heard the truth sweet sister, but only after you had skewed it to your liking. Only after you had fed it to the maggots that grovel after you. Woe is me for my precious little Luna hath been taken by a demon. Do not hate her my little ponies! Do not shun away the sad little being that is my sister. Pity her and give her your false comforts.
Damn you, Celestia...
Pity me? Pity a goddess? They should pity themselves. The traitorous two-faced fools know not who they trifle with. How dare you attempt to mend a thousand years of pain by casting aside my actions as the sins of another being? Did no one question why poor despicable Luna was being imprisoned for the crimes of Nightmare Moon? Did no one care to question a world made by two gods and ruled only by one? Did not a single pony look to the night sky and wonder where its beauty came from? Heresy! That is what makes my soul thirst for revenge. I know destroying you will not quench this thirst for blood. When the actions of this day are complete, when the sun forever sets; so shall begin 1000 years of torment and decay for ponykind. The progress and knowledge I may have shared with them shall be bestowed upon the changelings. I will make them watch as their children decay from disease and rot in their hooves. I will make them hear the song. The song that only a mother can sing as her foal lays dead. I will make them regret turning against the night. However I must wait for the changelings to finish their task. I have been patient and allowed these insects to shame you and your followers. Such a shame it will be when a once mighty god falls prey to the maggots.
Like an eternity of water against stone they have eroded away the firm walls of this city. Like a storm they have moved with surprising haste and poured endless death upon your ponies. Yet now the queen of these monsters delays. The head is upon the block and the axe has been lifted with purpose, and she delays! Damn little insect! Even now the universe mocks me. There you lay waiting for cold sweet death and Chrysalis is savoring her actions. Now she looks up to me. For what? Approval? Though I am tempted to end her life I need her and it shames me to say so. With her unwavering loyalty I gain an army larger and more powerful than any this world has known. They are weak now but when my love nurtures them to full health they will be able to bring order upon your ponies. I will have the love of one species and the fear of another. So for now I smile at this changeling queen. For now I give her my approval. However she insists on glaring out the window like an overconfident fool… No…
Mind your surroundings. It is a lesson every living thing must eventually learn or it will perish. Our niece and your guard are about to strike. I know of the spell in which they are about to cast. While it is to weak to destroy the changelings it will be enough. Were it so easy I would kill you all. Perhaps I do not do so because I am fearful myself. I am fearful of the elements…I welcome these fears. At the very least I can say that I am not blind as you are. I see and recognize what may actually pose a threat. Unlike you I will not hide or banish such things. I will end them…in time. Priorities come first, Celestia.
There are times where I wonder why I was destined to such hatred. What actions did I commit that warranted such feelings? A millennia gives you much time to think sister. We are no longer the same, Celestia. We have both looked at that forsaken sky. The shadowy dust of old suns glowing deep inside with young light. New stars being born. Planets condensing like rain, covering themselves almost immediately in a velvet of life. When we were young, we saw a universe filled with threat and constant danger. It took the Regal Mother to teach us it was more beautiful than we could bear... Beauty second only to her own. I realize now that even our mother was susceptible to corruption. I turned away from her false truth and now all I see are the colors of nightmare. Every star turned against me.
The carefully planned day has been foiled. The spell has sent my army flying towards the Badlands. The temptation to abolish the life there is ever growing. I know not how much more failure I may be able to tolerate before killing something. It is times like these where I do not doubt she is working in your favor. In some strange and unknown way I seem to fail when my goals are in reach. I once asked why...
Why has the sum of my entire existence been defined by struggle? Why must I continue to climb a peakless mountain? We are both gods and yet I still climb to reach you sister. I climbed at the beginning, I climbed a thousand years ago, and I climb now yet you still stand in a heaven that is unreachable. I asked why when my own sister allowed our ponies to love only her and despise me. I asked why when I noticed it is you who inherited the shining beauty of our mother while I remained in shadow unseen. I asked why...and still I have no answer.
Now you stand and your ponies embrace you. They embrace their fallen god who could hardly protect them. Even when you fall from those heavens they embrace you. Failure or mistake they will stand by your side and your side alone. I can see the words come off your lips. You and all the other ponies apologize to Twilight Sparkle. You apologize to your student and show sincere regret because you were...no...you still are to blind to see the threat in front of you. I am not ashamed to tell you my feelings dear sister. I hurt upon seeing this. Seeing you apologize to your student; it twists my innards with such a force. You never showed me such sincere regret. You never showed me such care and admiration. I am your sister! Your blood! Did you truly despise me so much that you place me under a student? Even now after all that has been said and done I hold you in a place that nothing, not even the stars or our mother could take. You are the harbinger of my misery. You are warm memory from an ancient time. You are my one and only sister. So perhaps this unfortunate setback...is preferable. Perhaps I may now be able to one day hold you in my arms as you leave forever. Enjoy those kind and gentle embraces. Enjoy the laughter and love they give you. Enjoy what I have always desired and know that I envy you for it. Enjoy all that is to fade sister for I assure you a new order will consume this world.
So fades the great facade that is your power. Even these changelings recognized what you were oblivious to, sister. You are weak. Your nobility has blinded you, as ever. You meddled in the affairs of the lesser beings and in doing so have lost your control of things. You left little to chance. You turned my own stars… my own moon... against me. You allowed our creations to embrace only you. You allow them to toss away their dark goddess. But what hubris to believe you could protect your traitorous ponies from me forever. If you could not master Chrysalis, then you do not deserve your title. Soon your ascendance shall be forgotten. Soon the light will fade and the night will claim all. I was your ally, Celestia, but now I have abandoned you. It no longer matters why, for I am done with everything. If this universe will not love me then I will bend it until it does so. What once was lost has returned. I will eclipse you sister…this nightmare is now yours.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Tidal · 3.3k words · 48 2 · 1.4k views
- Pump It Up · 1.6k words · 78 1 · 1.9k views
- JusSonic · 26k words · 19 16 · 1k views
- Regoliths · 1.4k words · 36 1 · 1.8k views
- Tidal · 8.7k words · 142 7 · 2.4k views
- Freescript the Bard · 1.2k words · 49 0 · 1.3k views
- kalash93 · 1.2k words · 71 4 · 2.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.161 seconds
Total duration
678 users online
826,368 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Why, it's been a while since I read something so great! Once it's published, I am promoting it!
Alright, lets see what I can say. We'll break this up into two parts, the literary element and grammatical element.
Literary:
First of all, very first sentence. Wow, perfect
. The whole story opens with something that I'd call a universal truth, something everyone can or will eventually relate too. It's something almost hard to follow-up on in its philosophical nature.
The actual portrayal of Luna fluctuates a bit with her mood, and about half-way through when I realized this is concurrent with the end of A Canterlot Wedding. Frankly, once I realized that its impact was magnified, it's not a passé style of writing a memoir but a monologue in itself.
The dramatic nature of the prose itself is keeping with her personality and her general condition. It's very close to pastoral or even Miltonic in the manner in which it expresses itself, and Luna expresses herself of course. That cannot be a bad thing. Tying back with what I was saying before, the portrayal fluctuates which helped clue me in, but it also added a tremendous depth and subtlety.
This was a big one for me and it was quite early on. Luna's actual arguments are tremendously solid, but her motivation seeps in early enough that it can be caught if attentive. The order is 'wrong' for her to be entirely altruistic. If she desired order as a primary goal, I'd have suspected she'd have said that first, then used control after as the causal relationship IE, order leads to control thus it proceeds it, not precedes it. That's telling, and very clever. Likewise, it's reinforced by something a few lines later.
It's not 'us' of this. It frames here tremendously as a pony of two very distinct personalities: she has an inborn sense that is strictly based on order, on prestige, form, all traditional areas of control and good governance. But the reasons she wants it may have changed, it still leaves questions as to if Nightmare Moon was first or if it's merely that Luna is gone, was gone, and always has been. I don't think it's a weakness, I think it's a marvelous strength.
As a literary sense of symbolism, I'm a touch surprised that you didn't come full circle with the motif of the tower and the white city (given the potential touch of the 'white' tower of moon separating Luna from everypony else, the white city as denial, and then the literal Ivory tower being Celestia's willful ignorance of events). The disdain for the city itself, the proof of Celestia's power and in her dogma is vehement, vitreous, and venomous. I adore it.
This is likely my favourite lines in my favourite paragraph of the whole work. As I said earlier, it's Miltonic: pride, envy, greed, wrath, four of those delightful deadly sins. The actual style is old, but just a simple touch of 'knows not' keeps Luna's personality grounded in the older styles of English writing that really makes me appreciate the manner of writing itself. The viciousness and hatred not just for Celestia but all her cohorts and thoughtless, gormless, peons is blunt, vivid, and sinfully delightful. Comparisons to her subjects as the fecund maggots and other horribly base creatures, even that line really cutting into Chyrsalis is terrific.
Grammatical:
I'm... not sure how to deal with some of it. I think there should be a lot more commas around but I'm trying to decide if pastoral prose can support a lack of commas as commas are essentially there for breath. Hmm, well if you want I can probably pick out a list but I'll just go for a few things.
)
(When this is quite ready I'm fine with re-editing this paragraph, it is a pre-read after all and that's the point of this
I like the sentence, and I like the tower theme, I always have. I'm actually hesitating on one part of this, and that is “and watch in this tower”. Should that be 'watch from this tower'? Likewise, it ends in a preposition with 'in', which is uncommon. Might I suggest a slight rewording to “Now I wait and watch from this tower in which I have been so conveniently placed.”
I think you can cut the however and let the metaphor rest with a comma behind shore and rest. I'm not sure if that is how it is, I know think it flows a touch odd. The actual sentence and thought is terrific though!
“..her, but...' comma is all.
To fit the prose style, I think the word 'onto' should be 'unto'. In a very similar vein.
'...monster that will end...' could work a bit better as '...the monster which will end...”
Could I suggest replacing 'my' with 'me' or 'inside' with 'innards'?
We'll end with two really little clean ups right near the end.
double space.
Needs a double space
That's it. All in all: excellent!. No question about it. I really enjoyed reading it and many-many thanks for allowing me to pre-read it too. What can I say, this is my head-cannon now. Trés bon!
This is pretty darn good, friend.
Very convincing. One of the best stories I've read
5 minutes later
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/tumblr_m4bb96Xsor1rthxy9o1_400.gif
JESUS LUNA WHAT THE BUCK!?!
Personaly i would advise you to seek out a doctor, or at the very least come clean with your sister.
Such bottled up emotions are healthy and they can lead you to do thing you might regret in the long run.
But in all seriousness this was a great story. Very believeable.
I looking forward to see what you will bring to the table next time
4110241 I get what you mean. I suppose my idea of Luna is closer to what I have in An Unwelcome Change. She is wise, witty, and kind...but god help you if you piss her off or hurt her friends.
This Luna is totally separate for me. She is supposed to be everything that you brought up. She is the Luna that cannot accept that the same being that would cast her away to the moon would still love her. After all she has been through any sign or attempt to show her affection has to be some kind of lie, plan, or motive. She may be immortal but a 1000 years is still a 1000 years. That much time alone with nothing to think about other than how your sister cast you away and your creations hate for you...well... I wouldn't imagine that having a positive effect on the mind. This Luna is still bleeding from that fateful day but instead of wincing at the pain and thinking about how she got hurt...she embraces it and wishes to return it tenfold.
Damn. I dunno what else to say about this. Luna's characterization is fantastic here. This really feels like the start of a terrific and terrible tale of tragedy.
4110954 you win the internetz.
Epic quote is Epic.
The one factor missing in this: Discord. Still a solid story and I'm liking it, but I'm always disappointed in the amount of stories like this, where Luna and Celestia's goddesshood is addressed and how powerful they are and how nothing can possibly stand against them, but Discord is completely ignored when he was able to defeat Luna and Celestia, together, until they brought the Elements of Harmony.
4111796 I didnt put discord in here because Luna doesn't see him as a threat. Despite accusing Celestia of being so, it is actually Luna who is blind. She only sees her sister and everything her sister built as a threat. The relations between ponies and griffons, the actions of dragons, and the chaos of Discord doesn't concern her. Discord did not cause her any pain. He didn't banish her or ignore her.
I do agree that he is godlike but I don't think he is a threat. To me he is more of a spirit that roams around and mixes things up from time to time.
So Luna was behind it all.
4112758
Yes!
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130102165457/mlpfanart/images/e/e7/Luna_clapping.gif
This was truly dark. I loved your take on Luna's character.
4113524 thank you very much. I like it too. Don't get me wrong I love the nightmare moon/craziness deal but making Luna like this just really makes her more villainous/tragic to me. This Luna supposed to be the incredibly jealous and wrathful god. Her mindset is simple. You are either with her or against her. Neither way is safe...
4115592 No prob.
Just out of curiosity, which came first? This fic or the Antony C collab review of "A Canterlot Wedding" with Bronycurious?
4108332
mybroadband.co.za/vb/attachment.php?attachmentid=19597&d=1348058492
4121415 Lol!!
That was incredibly perfect for this story
Now that the contest is over, let me say:
By the stars I enjoyed this! Im a huge fan of the psychological stuff, it took a moment of canon and put a much darker light on it, not only alluding to Luna's still very stong feeling of hate...but it added a believable level of cunning and luck by the 'recruitment' of the queen. Yet what got me, was the fact that it didn't focus on the action on the main stage, it focused on Luna and her inner storm. Just reading all these feelings and ideas gives me chills!!
Great fic and I secretly wish you would've placed higher.
4240785 Thank you Very much!
I am glad you enjoyed it! I love the more tragic idea that Luna is the real nightmare and that Nightmare Moon is simply something Celestia made up bc she herself can't believe that Luna would turn.
I am happy with the place I got. For my first ever contest submission I feel thrilled. All I can do is try to get better and hopefully put out more quality work!
A story that warrants a sequel.
4543476 I will be honest it is something I am considering. I originally set out to make this only a one shot. Who knows though?
4547123 I eagerly await your decision. Although I like the story I like happy Luna over sad/ angry Luna.
4547290 Same here. I did this because I am a fan of the idea that while luna is genuinely a nice pony... she can have her moments. I like the idea that Night mare moon or solar flare arent evil versions. I like to think of them as the more celestial and godly versions of the two sisters.
What we see in the show is like how the greek gods would just screw with people and mess around. Nightmare moon and Solar flare would be those gods when they are killing titans, tearing up the terrain, etc.
Nightmare moon to me would be an excellent way for Celestia to protect her sister. By convincing ponies that Nightmare is a separate entity and not just luna releasing her godly wrath, she makes ponies sympathize with luna rather than hate her.
LOL honestly my favorite luna is smartass luna.
Well done. While I'm not the biggest fan of an evil Luna, the views towards Celestia are something I can agree with. Never really liked Celestia myself and the show always seems to depict her as perfect or viewed as such. If Luna held a grudge, this makes sense on what her thoughts might be towards her sister.
4547317 you should make a sequel where the truth is shown to the ponies and they all betray celestial and beat the fuck out of her.
Wow, this was amazing! I always thought that immagining Nightmare Moon as some demonic entity that possesed Luna and made her turn against her sister a bit cheesy. Instead showing Luna as a pony with her own agenda, her own ambitions, her own darkness inside, makes her more lifelike than being just a puppet of some generic dark force.
P.S. I was listening to this while reading, it seems to be great for stories like this one:
Damn that was powerful.
8618584
Thank you!
4547290
I know you made that comment years ago but I'd still be super interested in a sequel !