- Member Since 19th Feb, 2014
- offline last seen Oct 20th, 2020
Hand-Made
Dedicated to hand-made quality reminiscent of old-world charm. Specialization in anatomically correct fillies/mares having fun with human males. Thank you for reading and commenting.
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I'm so glad you've started bringing things over from your pastebin, especially this.
Incredibly hot.
very nice!... u may proceed
Pretty good, I hope he doesn't have something bad planned.
For one that "want to hide his true intelligence", he's pretty bad at it. He clearly shows he's very smart and civilized (as opposed to feral and instinct-driven). He talks, he understands complex social cues, he show he understand what they say, he's okay with being touched and fight only when its appropriate..
I was curious because of the summary, but then the interesting bit is proven false in the first chapter (trying to be sneaky about his intelligence). Meh.
Zoophilestia is best princess.
Well, it seems that there is some romance to this, and it also seems that Celestia knows he is much more intelligent then he lets on. Should be interesting to see where the story goes from here.
I sense a story developing beyond the sex....I shall see where it goes. Ya earned a fav. I'll hold back on the like for now...clops are a dime a dozen, but a good story...ya know where I'm going. I'm intrigued.
Any particular reason you separate the sentence of the spoken lines with the speaker? It makes it very awkward to read.
Mon dieu, a multipart Hand-Made? I'm almost unsure how to really comment on this one ~laughs~ Not a bad problem to have. So I'll see about two comments, one at the beginning as a first impressions and one at the end as more of a ruminating 'bit'.
Lets see, reading through it I think I only stumbled once with a double space in a sentence:
It threw me just a bit, I can't even say why.
It's an interesting set up in the preliminary chase, had to actually look up 'natsurtium' but a lot of what I really like about it comes from some of the dialogue around the main characters: The minotaur report in particular is quite telling as is 'reports of an unknown creature' but it's contrasted well with the dialectic difference in pauses between Luna's 'hu-man' and Celestia's entirely confident handling of the word. Canst this be possible? Hath the Solar Princess obtainst such knowledge from that outside the ken of her thrall? Verily I say, for a more clever mare than she hath yet to be foaled.
Well, I might as well actually go into a bit of depth regarding Celestia herself. As per-normal she contrasts her sister quite well, being the less physical of the pair, and generally hinting towards outright devious rather than just 'clever'. One is that she's the individual offering medical aid, it does seem to be used to establish trust with an animal. The second being the whole marked claim with the loincloth covering incorporating the seal of the sun-disc. It's anatomical location can't be over-stated but it's also clever in that the garment itself is both a protection and covering, but also incorporates the tighter leash that she'll have on the character, while ensuring that it can't be so readily dismissed or ignored by those under her authority. Her first intonation that the kiss was a trick was smart too. It set the stage for her subjects and sister to understand what he was, thus eliminating their grasping for a role and comfort level for a human; thus Celestia simply applied that identity without actually telling anypony what to think. That is why I like Celestia, she's devious without needing to be malicious, heavy-hoofed, or resorting to coercive measures.
The contrast, of course, is Luna. The lack of even a modicum of respect, not only for her but in front of her subordinates is something that might be standard fare, is something I like here too. She's always teetering on a knife-point in her conflicting identities. That she can change and is held back by her sister's professions of love and support seems fair without giving into the 'hulk' mentality. It reminds me of the way they portrayed her in IDW's comics with her almost happily bouncing back from a challenge, conquering it, but getting visibly perturbed at individuals/events which can be construed as trivializing her. The little hoof waggle during the kiss of fidelity was a strong catalyst for that beyond just mundane indignation.
As for the main character: he scares me a bit. There's something that says he's not intrinsically smart, but he's perceptive and clever. He's a hunting creature, predatory, grasping, not given to the sort to recognize a haiku but rather create rifts between individuals to get what he wants: to play the fool for now and plot the coup later. So there's a real feeling of some menace or threat. There is something beyond the physical descriptions that has him approaching a supporting role in Conan -rather than, say, Sigmar- which plays to that penchant for knowing how to play individuals in order to assume more power. I think it should mesh quite well with Celestia's astuteness
So, can't wait to see how this goes.
Post Scriptum: Mistershield makes an interesting point, it does look a little peculiar.
...busted.
Holy fucking shit this is HOT!
this is interesting
I'm the only one in the comments sugarcube
I was turned off by this but really good story
well that was pretty good
too much self-praise
Im down voting this for how... Well.. Weird it is. I mean one second we're punching Luna and then making out with Celestia the next. Not to mention this guy beats down a few guard and when he is subdued they all want to ride his D? This guy cock should be catagorized as a WMD. So yeah... If this wasnt a "you" fic I would call wish fullfilment on this. Better luck next time is all I can say.
turned *off* i was turned ON like a light switch
My reaction: 24.media.tumblr.com/8c9e18bdfb8afcaa7962c3dcde496448/tumblr_msf0buOmgC1rj4ynoo1_500.png
DAYUM
How does luna know he's human?
This story is interesting
, but I really enjoy it. 
4030859 the latter
4030859 You spelled disturbed wrong.
Why the Cave man No talk thing?
4031218 Why u talk this way
Okay, this started out pretty well, then I noticed the jarring pacing. Most of which could be fixed by having the dialogue on the same line as the actions/character using it.
This is an incredibly awkward way of portraying... well, literally anything. Who is speaking? what are they doing while they talk? It's on the next line, which makes it hard to follow.
Anyway, there's a few tense errors where you slip into past tense (I'm assuming you were going for present), but here's one way you could fix this to make it more readable:
This means we immediately know who is doing the talking, and what action the speaker is taking.
Another thing, pacing. Like someone else pointed out, one second we're punching Luna and not being stabbed by guards, and the next, make out session with Tia.
I don't know what happened there... but it really breaks suspension of disbelief.
And my last point: Onomatopoeia. Written sound effects. "Bang, Zok, Pow". All of these can be written out to A: Increase story length, and B: Not sound nearly as retarded (I'm biased and hate onomatopoeia though).
"He sighs" instead of *Sigh*
"The sharp resonance of her slap against you" instead of *Slap*
"The day finally starts catching up to you as you let out a mighty yawn." instead of *Yawn*
I don't even know what
is supposed to represent... But I'm sure you could spell it out better.
All of these (and onomatopoeia in general) are examples of Telling the audience, rather than Showing.
Which is bad. You always want to show them the story, and let them unfold the story for themselves, rather than tell them.
That's my piece. Peace.
When I realized what the ring was for, I was like "what da FUCK???!!!"
I am imagining the royal man as the great and almighty....Nicolas Cage!!!!!!
4031370 You'd be a better English teacher than my English teacher.
4031033 Because he said.
What the hell am I reading....
4032294 I'm pretty sure it isn't written that he has said that he is a human.
4032374
It's in the first chapter.
Luna calls him beast and he corrects her by simply saying what he is.
This story could really stand to be better.
Your descriptions are damn good, but you really need to put more focus on the plot.
If it's going to be a shameless clopfic, just let it be a shameless clopfic.
If you're going to go to the trouble of crafting a story to go along with it, you really need to put the effort in.
For examples of other clop stories with good porn-plot ratios, I'd look up "Poking Pinkie Pie in the Pooper", and "XY Chromosome".
4030852 couldn't agree more
TALK GOD DAME IT!!!!!
that's going to wake the castle
You give your ponies in these fics kind of a pregnancy fetish. What I want to know is, can their wishes be fulfilled?
And the shame boner strikes again.
Do never have the balls to punch Luna in the face. XD
*id
4033693 I know a certain character whos punched celestia in the face twice, a third time in a different story when he got turned into a Female alicorn princess instead of twilight against his will.
what the hell is up with this writing style.... disconnecting the actions from the character doing it? The hell man?
4033694 you can edit your post insted of making another with the correctin in it bro
4032314
Wished I knew. Can't even fap to it, not a hint of subtlety.
I guess I'm too refined... what am I saying; This is porn fanfiction on the internet. Any pretension of refinement I had went out the window when I clicked this story!