After adventuring around Equestria with her best friends, Fluttershy gets separated and ends up in Changeling territory. As Rainbow goes to find her, she finds a hurt Changeling.
Chapters (13)
- Member Since 24th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen Wednesday
Ugly-Duckling123
I'm a girl living in Ashley, New Milton. Loved mlp ever since it started showing and got to learn about these fanfic in October 2013. (Also I have dyslexia, so if I make mistakes sorry)
Ugly-Duckling123
Joined 24th Jan, 2014 ·
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No bad, some spelling mistakes here and there (or they could be right not very good at spelling, advise a re-read just to make sure) but apart from that I really liked it.
4035420 thanks
you're right i'm not good at spelling, but i try my best 
4037486 no problem, oh and just an idea but try making you chapters word count over 1500 or 2000, most people on the site prefer long chapters
4037493 K keep that in mind
In Twilight's defense, she was judging them based on their past actions and so not so much for the fact that they're changelings. It's just like a friend doing something bad so they're not your friend anymore. You're not their friend anymore because of what they did, not because they look the way they do. So shame on Apple Jack for assuming Twilight didn't trust them just for the fact that they're changelings. My overall opinion on the fic is it's enjoyable. Nothing got my attention besides a few spelling errors and I like the hive scenes, but I don't think Fluttershy would be that mean, especially to a younger changeling, but that's just my two cents. Idk.. I like for what it is.
4039147 Thanks
I'm relatively new to this, and 'jump forward, before I look back' my grandparents would say.
But you know how bad Fluttershy was when she was 'discorded'...
Nice ending. I liked it.
Ugh, it was interesting and I though it will be some more to that story but nope.
Fluttershy sonic boom was just big no for me. RD train hard for this and is strong, You just can't make something like that even if you want so freaking hard you need to train for this.
4047771 Well its my story Bub
Go with it....
4048112
4047771
the actual problem is that her wing was broken...
That is a quite nice story you have written there, but...
- I fell like there should be a few more (detailed) prisoner fluttershy-changelings interactions in the first few chapters
- Twilight just assumed that RD will save fluttershy and moved on (I know that one could argue about this, but it is my point of view)
- Fluttershy's rainboom, I mean, it's cool, but haven't she had a broken wing?
- Two last chapters seem forced (Chrysalis beeing defeated that way is soo anticlimatic)
Overall: a nice story, and while the idea was interesting, actuall story is only nice
8/10 for the idea
5/10 for the plot
5/10 for comedic moments
3/10 for "oh god, the feeels" moments
3/10 for species history and culture
Verrso
4076956 thanks for all that(!)....
why is half the chapter in italics?
4101593 their talking telepathically... duh
Oh really?
What is that? A sonic shyboom? Sonic Flutterboom?
4293891 It's a sonic rainboom..... made by fluttershy so it has her colors ...... so yeah i suppose
Pocahotis and James smith
4297783 yep
well actually john smith
Nice
loving it
4101593 you mean when the Changlings talk in others heads?
Very good writing, maybe a extra letter in 1 or 2 places, not sure, but good just nevertheless.
Do all changelings know specifically which ponies are which? I mean you would think changelings telling ponies apart would be like ponies telling changelings apart. Also with no butterflies to save her I'm pretty sure fluttershy is dead.
4945514
Maybe.
I mean they have to know who their changing in to and their loves don't they
But they know who Fluttershy and the Elements more, because they fraught in the 'Canterlot Wedding'
4946654 well I just figured that changelings would know these things on a "need to know basis". I mean normally the changelings are either just extentions of the hive mind, or individuals. And since they thought rather than knew that the queen would want fluttershy indicates the latter, but I guess they could remember due to their fame. However I think with all the information on ponies they actually have to study and impersonate would make it hard.
This is not to bad. But it could have been better in areas, And there where a lot of spelling errors and the like. Other then that the story was good, on a scail from 1-5 I'd give it a 2.5, It was good, and it showed a lot of interesting ideas, but the errors where a problem and I felt that there was a lot that could have been done or even lenghened to make it better....
Overall, this story was... decent. I enjoyed it, but there was a lot of room for improvement. I don't know how much you've improved since writing this, but... You did well, but I think you can do even better.
5474767 I think it's a half full half empty look on that...
I've gotten better cause they're going on for longer
but I can't seem to get them wrapped up ( doesn't help I keep getting distracted and have writers block)
But thanks
5474955 You're welcome! Good luck!
Well 1/3 through the story and Rainbowdash has yet to come close to finding a hurt changeling.... Welp On the shelf you go.
5707069 She finds it in Ch5 just keep reading...
their instead of there. there is for locations. their is possessive.
dreams of what she thinks the Changelings would do to her.
dreams of what she thought the Changelings would do to her.
5850723 thanks for pointing this out, not sure why no one else has
I was never good at spelling and grammar and all that junk...
Hope you like this though
pocahontas reference much? XD
6749440 that's the point...
after reading this all i can say is WTF
7287536 So... do you like it or not?
7287559 i wont to but i do not
Why is cus a few things like chriss helping fluttershy only to get basted at the end. the futterbom at the end and few smaller things but manly the queen
7287676 Well... Sorry you didn't like it, but thanks for reading it
7289055 no prob hope i do not come off as in ass
Meh not bad, a bit fast, but then again I'm just perfect aren't I.
Needs some editing (a number of spelling mistakes along with the occasional grammer mistake and rare difficult-to-parse sentence), but the overall story-flow is pretty good.
This paragraph has so many issues it could use a complete re-write.
Chrysalis: "I. HATE. PINK."
Well...
For all that it was cute and adorable, the frequent spelling errors etc. dragged the quality down below the threshold of earning a favorite. However, the type of error did not, in general, interfere with reading comprehension, so you do still get an upvote.
7858113 Thanks for all your comments
I can't promise I'll change anything though - a writer always believes their work is the best the way it is
But if I do, I'll put into mind what you've said
>Braeburn not being gay
0/10 totally unrealistic.
Nah jk, good story.
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[img] http://derpy.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134589846278.jpg&key=c452b8bc2a70df1d9380a7eae038f98e7d94694daf0c163d7aafe4409ae5b636[/img]
Good story
Have you thought about doing a sequal.