When an assignment from school randomly pairs Scootaloo and Silver Spoon together, Scootaloo discovers a secret that could ruin her partner forever.
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- Member Since 5th Feb, 2014
- offline last seen Jan 6th, 2023
Serious Contemplation
I'm sure a better bio will be posted eventually.
Serious Contemplation
Joined 5th Feb, 2014 ·
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i could totally see this turning into a ship fic later on down the line.
Nice one
4022694 it felt like days to poor old Applebloom.
I adored this take on Sliverspoon.
That line about losing her and DT's only friend, aww.
A few things that I noticed while reading.
I believe that is "Too"
Might need to be "Whose"
There are a few more like that.
4022423 Um...it won't.
4022423
It won't, I'm not a fan of ship fics. The most heavy thing I'll likely write about are zombies.
4022694
Weldbrony is correct, it felt like a long time, however it was only a few minutes. If it was more confusing than clever, sorry.
4022989
Thank you for pointing those out, I'll try to go back through this and correct my mistakes soon. You probably saw a least one then/than mistake, that and typing 'and' instead of 'an', and 'won' or 'one' instead of 'on' are my normal mistakes.
4023188
But shouldn´t blacksmithing leave traces in Silver´s body: the smell of the forged metals, worked muscles, burned hair, etc...?
4023228
Don't actually know much about real smithing but I'd say: Generous doses of perfume/frequent baths (or maybe she lies and says the metallic smells are a fancy perfume, I'd doubt any non-blacksmith (especially a child) could tell the difference), Earth-Pony body type (AJ doesn't have a twelve pack), and hair tied back (actually what put the idea in my head). Those are my cop-outs.
A Great fic, I wonder if you have more concerning SP&DT <3
4023427
Sorry, not unless a bout of inspiration hits me. I'm mostly going to do one-offs episodes of Mane 6.
My own pride and expert opioin can't say this Silver Spoon story is better than mine, but it did it well by leaving the story more open ended then mine, so in the sprit of good sportsmanship, this story earns my like.
Great fic, though I saw some errors that haven't been fixed yet
There were some grammar errors that I'm too lazy to go back and check what they were, but I saw that you had spelt "later" wrong by spelling it "latter" Otherwise, a great fic
Edited on March 2, 5:30ish CST. Changelog includes:
Commas, 5 or 6 added, 1 removed.
A period evolved into a Question Mark, another became an Exclamation Mark.
Various spelling/grammar mistakes corrected.
Thanks everyone so far that have pointed things out to me!
That wa an awesome take on Silver Spoon. Maybe this could somehow continue with the homeless Scootaloo fan canon.
That was an awesome take on Silver Spoon. Maybe this could somehow continue with the homeless Scootaloo fan canon.
Other than this typo I didn't notice any problems.
SS felt a touch OOC to me at first, but really there's not much of a canon for her character to go off of... so really it's just my perception of her getting in the way, I'm sure. Perhaps having SS being more of a bully to start, then having Scoots say something like, "Come off it, you don't have to show off to anypony, and we need to get along to finish this project" or some such would have improved things for me.
All-in-all, I rather enjoyed the story. Gave me a touch of the feels, this did. I dig it.
Nice little story... But quick note... There were several times when you wrote "your" when it was meant to be "you're"
Other than that, its a cute little fic that could make a great story...
I honest to god wouldn't mind seeing this continue.
4030324
I have no idea what you're trying to tell me.
4030416 Most common literary advice. Do not say something happened, instead have it happen in the story.
You could say "This character goes on an adventure and gets the thing and goes home and becomes the guy" but that's not a story. The more you put into showing the thing happening, the more of a story there is.
4030678
Right. Unless I'm missing the implication the entire story is that, I don't know what specific part of the story is being referred to. Likely it's one of those parts hit by the word cuts, but I still don't know which one (not that it can be corrected and still be under 3000 words mind you).
If it's the part at the end where Silver explains hows she and Tiara met, well, Scootaloo can't see flashbacks unless they're her own I'd imagine, so Silver telling rather than showing makes sense to me.
0-0?!
Both the spoiled fillies ended up working with the CMCs?!? Are you SURE that was random?!
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOW SHWERD CHEERILEE IS BEING!!!
I wonder where DT and AP went during this chaos.
And WHOSE HOUSE didn't want to go where?
She had even offered to treat Scootaloo to ice cream to distract her.
Her doing something nice would be distracting enough. And her acting of her own will without her master nearby.
Now they just sat there, Scoots needing Silver to lead the way to her home.
Why Silver's?
"Silver, for Celestia's sake your freaking me out! What's wrong? Did I do something- I'm sorry!"
Apologizing to her enemy?
a trust fund foal?"
0-0
Now I'm stuck wondering how things with the others went.
I really enjoyed this story. I LOVE the idea of that being Silver's special talent.
I agree with Scootaloo on this one. It's out-of-character for Diamond to wear a decoration that marks her as second best unless it has another significance of her. In this case, it is that it is something that brought her and Silver Spoon together; it's a symbol of their friendship. By wearing it she's reminding herself every day just how valuable that friendship is to her.
That was... one of the more unique interpretations on Silver Spoon's and DT's origins I've read in forever, not the forge thing, but just Silver's backstory and how they met. That was all pretty cool stuff.
You know, I was hoping for exactly that. Any other story it could of been a Snips or a Snails. Every other one it'd be Diamond, sure, but the way AB dragged things on helped really delivery on this line. I don't think I laughed so hard in a story in days. Great execution.
Fun story. I liked it
I loved it. In the end, it left me wondering about the other 2 CMC's. What happened to them? Are you planning on writing a sequel about Applebloom and Sweetie Belle? That would be most lovely.
4034953
I didn't plan to, but I might wright a short epilogue to explain what happened with AB/DT and SB/Button. I might get more focused on a different story altogether though, so no promises.
I will never be able to look at silver spoon the same way again. Diamond tiara and the other hand...
yeah, good luck with that.
It is a shame they can't be friends now, but maybe silver and scoots will meet up again at her house some time.
Aww, this story has good potential that has been drowned out by a poor choice of pacing and a lack of thought.
Similar to my own entry to the same contest, this story felt very rushed. The idea works, and we see the direction the story wants to go — with friendship being based on personal value rather than materialistic wealth, despite the fact that Scootaloo's bonding is purely circumstantial.
Scootaloo's character can and cannot work, depending on execution, and in this form it seems very off. She goes immediately from trying to blackmail Sliver to making up with her. Her mindset switches from the thought that revealing how Sliver is 'poor' would ruin her reputation, a very petty wish that a character like Trixie or Diamond Tiara would try to pull off, to explaining to her that friendship is not based on how much money you or your family has. That makes her seem hypocritical, and though Scoot is hypocritical in her cannon representation, she doesn't step into this line of thoughtlessness for her actions.
Sliver Spoon's father is an uninteresting character. I thought that his talent and his naming seemed clever until I realised that you can't 'lose' the ability to play stocks after an accident, especially if your livelihood depended on it. Of course, it is never truly stated that he was a very successful and rich investor or broker but it is implied. As such, it can seem as though he is a genius in 'Hoof Street' and would still be able to find ways to make it big even with a broken leg or a lack of eyesight and such.
The way he was introduced should have been slower, clearer and more subtle. The narrator just told it to us, making it lose its value... and making me question how reliable he actually is.
But the story itself, oh it has potential, definitely. It reminds me of a classic Charles Dickens tragedy, where everything goes wrong since childhood, and yet the characters describe their situation while looking at the little pleasures of life... all while still suffering, of course.
I love this story — what it represents. It's just that it's presentation ruins what value it could have. There are tons I could go on about, on each paragraph, and how everything can be improved. It feels far fetched in its current form, very forced. I find the message of friendship being defined by the values of a character instead of image, yet how Sliver tries her best to uphold that image regardless of how far fetched it is (and yet how it is also her downfall, making her seem the most shallow and petty of the duo), having the potential to be very relevant and powerful.
So... want a proofreader while you rewrite the story? Otherwise, mind proofreading my version of this tale?
4038058
If you like this idea and would like to envision your own telling you are welcome to it, I don't think now is exactly the right time to revise my version. However you might want to push out some of your own work first. If we both have admittedly poor pacing and that's one of the big problems of this piece, then I'm not sure either of us could fix it at this time and I don't think it will be the success you are hoping for.
I don't really think it was too far fetched that Scootaloo wanted to pay Silver back, but as Silver reenforced the idea that a real friendship was in jeopardy Scootaloo lost confidence in her plan. Scootaloo was still going to tell everyone when she was destroying fake friendships (ones that are based on wealth or status) until the very end, but then she couldn't without destroying one she felt was real. I would have liked to be more clever than 'Welp we're enemies, let's do a project' for Silver's final gambit, but I didn't feel like anything I was coming up with was any better so I just smacked Scoots with the dumb stick real quick, otherwise she would have bolted right then and told everyone, like she tried before.
iron Bonds (Silver's Dad) was a one off character who was supposed to be comic relief, and not much more (and some of that got the cuts). I think the 'accident' was unclear. He didn't injure himself or something like that, he just hit a really unlucky investment. No matter how good you are as an investor, you can't foresee (for example) a plague of locust destroying a farm. I'd like to think he is still investing, but stocks and bonds is rarely a quick way to go from poor to rich, but is a great way to go from rich to poor very fast. He was flattened somewhat purposely to not take attention away but was also needed to explain the social class and so Silver wasn't living alone.
I truly regret the pacing. I know it was fast, at my skill level I don't know how to slow things down without word bogs, which I didn't have the luxury of and have actually been cancerous to the story instead. That said, being a novice in writing and my own grammar mistakes I don't know if I'd make you a good proofreader.
4022423
it'd be one HECK of a stretch to accomplish but I guess it could be done it would just never by as good as this
It's an okay story, but the grammar needs work. There were errors like to/too, your/you're, and even "might of" in place of "might have" or "might've".
4038368
It's not about skill level, like an RPG. It's about getting it right. You don't level grind for something like this.
Iron Bond's accident was unclear, yes. The text could be interpreted to have him be physically disabled (Oh man, the thought of Sliver's stock broker father becoming mentally retarded after a terrible, terrible accident just sent me shivers).
Still, when your special 'talent' or 'destiny' is to play the market, it feels odd that one investment got him to completely give up.
My story for the contest was rushed and written under 4 hours with no editing. In fact, I am going to take it down soon.
Still, I get what you mean: now's not the time to edit this story for you. However, my offer still stands: want to help proofread what I'm planning?
I don't get the chance to praise many Silver Spoon fics often, last ones really being Moving On and Serenade of Silver Bells, and that one comedy one by Bootsy, but tossed you a vote on the Everfree contest along a LD fic along a very few other ones. Great job, wish you all luck.
37.media.tumblr.com/2949499f3407b66f52965e91d4dcb89f/tumblr_mpemt4qjEW1r5yhbco1_500.jpg
Ever since I got into M.L.P., I've always had a bit of sympathy for Silver Spoon. Watching her, I've always assumed she was a good pony at heart, and was surprised by how little of the fandom seemed to depict this. Sure, I've read a few fanfictions where she's nice and all, and yeah, I've seen a couple of comics where she's doing "the right thing", but I've never seen anything like this, anything that so accurately depicts what my perception of Silver Spoon's true character to be.
This is what I've always seen in Silver. This is what I envision her life to be outside of school, outside of Diamond Tiara. Sure, I may never have come up with the concept of her working a forge, but this is the pony I've always seen in Silver Spoon. And I want to thank you for bringing that pony to life. In the eyes of the brony community, you may have just singlehandedly redeemed Silver Spoon, and in the eyes of me, you may have just redeemed the brony community (by redeeming Silver Spoon in every pony else's eyes).
This is a fantastic piece; wonderfully written, beautifully crafted, flawless execution. Thank you for that.
5008016 I'm glad I could help with giving you a story that does that for you, (as well as apologies for a reply that I should have wrote much sooner.)
See I have this weird confliction where I totally believe there is nothing more to Silver Spoon than being a little brat, but she was a villain that was so blank it was easy to give her OoC feelings without them seeming that way. Plus it's really fun to find crazy explanations for cutie marks that make no sense. You can't be good at being privileged child, you either are or aren't. It's not really a choice. You can't choose to be born rich.
5116925 then explain tiara's talent
5625230 In this particular story I do drop hints to a few things it could be, particularly, beauty pageants. But coming up with a convoluted CM story for DT is not really in the cards for me. I can't/won't write a character I dislike, because my writing for them would only be half-hearted, and personal grudges would get in the way of true characterization and growth, leading to what little quality I can produce being removed completely, and ending with a terrible story.
5628845 so you saying that tiara is mlp's version of honey boo boo.....bwahahahha plus if you write a character you dislike that's OK does not mean you should write them though
4028722
I'm with you
I just got through laughing at her for eating the slip in the first place and then you hit me with that
okay I'm not clear to what she is refering by "this"
is it-
A. Telling the CMC and possibly the whole class that Silver is poor even after giving her word she wouldn't?
B. The completing of their assignment in general?
C. The Discovery of Silver's special talent?
5725503
Telling [Whomever] that Silver was poor. I think I was going for Scootaloo wanting to break the hold of the "false friendship" between Silver and Diamond Tiara, which would best be done by telling the truth rather then keeping any promises. That or Scootaloo was so focused on hurting Silver she didn't care about a promise to one of her bullies.
5730478 ah I see. Silver resigned herself to the fact Scoots was going to expose her but she had no choice accept to work with her. Thanks for clearing that up.
I find it amazing that this story's explanation for Silver's cutie mark and how she and DT became friends is still perfectly valid, even after Crusaders of the Lost Mark.
Finally crossing this one off my RIL list.
I'll hit the grammar first. Almost every instance of "your" in the story is supposed to be "you're." There are little things here and there that are off, like having commas in sentences that really should be two separate sentences. There aren't any glaring errors that distract from the story, so it's good in that regard.
In terms of the story I found it enjoyable. I mentally facepalmed and snickered when Apple Bloom ate the slip of paper.
I guessed Silver's secret early on, thinking it was either she was poor or her cutie mark was fake, which got narrowed down when Silver was avoiding her house.
I'm curious why they got stuck on going to Silver's house. I'm assuming Scootaloo was trying to take advantage of being partnered with the "rich girl" to go to a lavish mansion.
Scootaloo wanting vengeance by spilling the dark secret makes sense, but she does flip-flop quite easily.
When the two are fighting and Silver's dad comes in Silver is said to be looking smug and Scootaloo as worried. I didn't get that. I'm going to guess Silver was going to tell her dad about Scootaloo planning to sink her reputation, but her dad seems the chill sort like Filthy Rich, so at most he might give her a lecture.
I liked Silver's cutie mark story, and how it related to the two of them becoming friends, although it still seems like they're not truly friends. The two of them both care about status and appearance more than each other.
The only flaw at the end, as is described in the AN, isn't so much lack of skill as word constraints. While it does end on a decent note there could have been just a little bit more, like the result of the project, or Scootaloo's feelings.
All in all, a fun little read.
Oh.
So that's her secret now.
I thought it was something totally different.