• Published 25th Mar 2012
  • 2,439 Views, 48 Comments

A Feudal Mix Up - Summer30



Twilight finds two interesting books that leads her and the mane six in another world

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Chapter 4

Chapter 4
Twilight and her friends paid no attention to Inuyasha and his attitude and followed Kaete and the other strangers inside the small wooden hut.

Once inside, the girls looked around and noticed that nothing was similar to their cozy homes back in Ponyville. In fact, Kaete’s hut was nothing more than one giant room with a roaring fire pit in the center with mats all around that held thin wool blankets. If that was not enough, the room was noticeably muggy as well.
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“You call this a place to sleep darling?” Rairty whimpered. “It’s too hot in here and where are your real beds?”

“These are it,” Shippou shouted happily jumping onto one of the mats while attempting to settle down for the night.

“It took me some time of getting acclimated myself,” Kagome informed Rarity. “However, I usually bring my own sleeping bag so I can have that extra comfort,” the young girl admitted.

“Yeah, but does it ever feel to uncomfortable with all this humidity?” Rarity whimpered. “Not to mention darling, you hair looks like it has been damaged.”

“Uh… my hair is fine. Besides, I think I can handle it,” Kagome corrected, turning beat red by not liking Rarity’s condescending tone. She also did not appear to like her as she seemed so prissy and on the edge to a level that was worse than Inuyasha’s cockiness.

“Don’t worry about her,” Twilight encouraged by placing a hand on the embarrassed girl’s shoulders. “She has the tendency to worry about other’s appearances or she is not happy.”

“Hey, I do not!” Rarity cried. “Every filly deserves to look nice,” she insisted.

Kagome ignored the whining girl and nodded in understanding. “I go to school with some girls like that in my own time who constantly fuss about how someone else should look like. You should see how many of them have tried to nag at me.”

“So, is anyone hungry?” Shippou asked cutting in since he could not sleep.

“Shippou, I believe they were talking and you cut in,” Sango inform the little kit.

“But they all look hungry and I was just worried about them,” he whined.

“Still, you need to work on waiting your turn when it comes speaking with others,” Sango corrected understandingly. “Still, I see your point. Are any of you girls hungry?” The female warrior asked.

“Oh yes,” they all chimed in at once.

“How would everyone like some fresh fish kabobs?” Shippou asked cluelessly.

“Fish?” The girls all cried.

“Yeah fish. Kagome and Inuyasha make the best here in Japan,” Miroku boasted.

“Whatever, that is only if Kagome makes me those crunchy noodles that you can boil,” Inuyasha moaned as he headed inside. Then I make the fish.”

Kagome glimpsed at him for a second and then turned back around to ignore him while paying closer attention to their unexpected guests. This was in realization she had sat him more than enough times in that evening alone and did not need to every time he ran his mouth off. ‘Sooner or later, he is going to have to learn on his own without my treating him like a punished child,” she hesitated.

“This fish sounds good but we are normally vegetarians. We usually eat things like apples, flowers, and other fruits and vegetables,” Apple Jack informed. “We also eat hay and even oats.”

“Oh that is right, you don’t eat meat as it is not good for your body types since you don’t have the same digestive tract that humans have. You’re herbivorous which means you eat plants and other things that grow. Meanwhile, the rest of us eat meat in addition to plants. Since you are in human form though, my guess would be that your body organs have changed to tolerate more foods like meat.”

“Who cares what they eat or not Kagome, just as long as you feed them and get them out of my presence,” Inuyasha stated selfishly. “They all look too much like deceitful demons.”

Kagome was sure by now that she was beyond saying “Sit.” She giggled in embarrassment and got up motioning for him to go outside with her.

“Could you excuse us for a while?” Kagome asked by continuing to gesture for Inuyasha to come with her.

All the girls nodded as they nervously and found mats to sleep on in the large room and knew that it was too dark for the remaining hosts to go out to the gardens and pick food. None the less, they would not be ready to eat fish or any such meats unless it was in small dosages and in several steps too. Otherwise, too much too fast would make one sick.

“What do you want to eat?” Shippou asked.

“I don’t know,” Twilight answered for all of them. “All I know, is that my stomach is growling,” she responded by putting a hand on her stomach and slightly groaning.

“ I have some dried nori sea weed.” Sango informed.

“See weed?” Pinkie asked as she giggled. “How can weed see?”

“Pinkie!” all the girls said before bursting out laughing.

“What, I did not know that a weed had eyes.”

“No, a weed does not have eyes,” Sango laughed. “This weed lives under water in the ocean where it is salty. That is unless the weed is a demon.”

“Ohhhh,” Pinkie said as things suddenly made sense to her. “You mean the sea? We have one of those in Equestria. That’s the land of friendship. That land that is ruled by a Princess who lets me party.”

“Seriously, you are making no sense,” Shippou grumbled.

“It makes sense to me,” Pinkie reasoned as she smiled.

“Hold on girls,” Sango informed as she got up and went outside.
It was then that Miroku pounced on the six strangers in Kaete’s hut. “Now that Sango is gone, I have my chance to ask each of your lovely ladies a fair question,” he coaxed as he walked over to each and began kissing their hands while most of them giggled playfully. When he got to Rarity, however, she quickly jumped up.

“No you don’t, I am a lady and I expect to be treated like one and not a door mat,” she demanded.

“Rarity, you are so high maintenance, sheesh,” Rainbow barked.

“Oh so you are going to let this creep squirm all over you?” Rarity complained.

“Oh sweetie, if you could only see how much fun this really is,” Miroku pleaded.

“Fun? Ha,” Rarity resisted. “I think it’s gross.”

“Well, I think it’s fun,” Twilight replied sarcastically rolling her eyes with a half of a smile.

“Yes, it is fun,” Pinkie piped in. “I taste just like cotton candy don’t I?”

“Huh?” all her friends, Miroku and Shippou asked.

“What’s cotton candy anyway,” Shippou asked.

“It’s not important right now,” Twilight added. “Besides, don’t you know sarcasm when you hear it?” She asked rolling her
eyes.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Pinkie replied cluelessly.

“What’s going on in here?” Sango asked as she re-entered the room with a teak wooden tray full of food.

“Miroku tried to come onto them again,” Shippou sighed.

Sango set the tray down, and said “Here, this is what I could find. I hope this will satisfy your needs.” She then turned to

Miroku and scowled. “As for you,” she said picking up her giant weapon and giving him a good wack over the head, “When are you going to grow up and let women have their own space?”
“Awwww Sango, I like to have some fun.”

“Yes me too, I taste like cotton candy,” Pinkie giggled.

“Pinkie Pie,” all the girls and Shippou said in sync. “Shut up!”

“This is not a time to play. He has a problem with being a flirt,” Sango stated as if she were jealous and a bride-to-be.

The girls nodded in understanding and then sat down in front of the tray where there was plenty of dried green looking food.

Twilight was the first to examine it with her hands in discovering that the dried food was paper thin. She then put it in her mouth and tasted it with her tongue. It had a strange oily taste with a hint of salt that melted in her mouth. She then swallowed strange green food and hesitated for a moment. ‘It’s not what I am used to but at least it’s food.”

“Twilight, is it poisonous?” Pinkie asked. “Huh? Well is it?”

“No, but it looks like something we need to eat as long as we are here,” Twilight informed firmly.

“But I don’t want to. That food looks dirty,” Rarity whined.

“EAT IT!” Twilight exploded.

Spike and the other five looked down at the tray in embarrassment and each picked up a piece of the strange looking food and put it up to their mouths. Like Twilight, they gritted their teeth and ate the strange food.

“So, what did you feed them?” Kagome cut in asking Sango as she stepped into the hut upon seeing the newcomers eating.

“I thought they would have enjoyed the nori seaweed,” Sango replied softly.

Kagome nodded in knowing that fish or any type of meat would have shocked their bodies and while she shared a dislike for seaweed, Kagome too sat among the seven others and dined on a couple pieces of the sea weed. “Bleh,” she muttered and shuttered as she swallowed. “Not my favorite,” she noted by sticking out her tongue in digust.

“Kagome,” Inuyasha giggled as he stepped back into the hut after a long one on one discussion with her.
“What?” Kagome asked looking at him.

“Nothing, forget it,” Inuyasha responded turning his head in embarrassment.

‘I don’t understand you at times,’ Kagome hesitated as decided to keep the group company. “So, did everyone get enough?” Kagome asked

The girls did not answer verbally but each nodded one by one.

“We’ll take that as a much appreciated ‘Yes,’” Shippou exclaimed squinting his eyes happily.

“We thank you for your kindness,” Fluttershy replied timidly at the little kitsune.

“Ah, it was nothing miss,” Shippou replied waddling over to Fluttershy.

“Yes, but I must admit that we are all tuckered out,” Apple Jack cut in looking over at her friends.

“Mmm hmmm,” the others said in agreement.

“Very well, should I make up the beds for each of you?” Sango asked.

“Thanks, but I think we can manage,” Twilight explained independently.

Everyone in the room smiled at each other as Miroku went with Kaete to get separate blankets. This especially made the mane six and little Spike happy since going to sleep which meant taking one step closer towards getting home the next day.

Comments ( 27 )

1484200
I worked really hard on it too

1485805 Ok thanks
I am working on a story aswell:twilightsmile:

I cannot wait to read it. As for me, I am a huge fan of Inuyasha and felt that the two stories would mesh well together :rainbowwild:

1488690 You might think about sharing this story with some of your friends who are fans of both shows. :rainbowdetermined2:

1505114 ok but it's taking me along time just to finish chapter two.

:rainbowlaugh: I would not feel bad it took me a while to get this last chappie up>>1505429

1519193 thanks I will get my story uploaded as soon as possible.

To be honest, this isn't working for me.

I'll admit I don't like Inuyasha. Concept was good, I like the work Takahashi san does but it was just too repetitive that even though it had nothing to do with Ranma 1/2 the story just felt the same. Same character designs, same voices, same bullshit. That of course is not your fault, it's something I hold against the anime.

The problems I have with this story are the varied and go from the way you write to the actual story itself. Let's get started shall we?

1) Spelling and grammar. There are some instances where the wrong words are used, extra spaces are added or no spaces are added where need be. You have a couple sentence fragments where something is missing but overall it's good. You just need to pay a little more attention to what you're writing.

2) A bit of a pet peeve of mine is in the translation of Japanese to English. "Shikonnotama" or "shikon no tama" is okay. "Shikon-no-tama" isn't or at least it's not a convention that I'm aware of. If you have a source that does the hyphen bit I'd be interested to see it.

3) Ponies acting out of character. This is a big one. It's not just enough to get the ponies acting like themselves, but you need to get them talking like themselves. For example, you often times don't use contractions when the pony in question would. Or they say things that they simply wouldn't say in the first place. Since when does Applejack like to read books?

4) This goes back the acting out of character. Sometimes you seem to want to emulate the way the pony in question speaks, but sometimes you don't. This makes for a bit of mood whiplash. Either have them all speak like they do, with an emphasis on Applejack or just have them speak normally and the reader will will in the details later. As an example,

“'Nyaww Fluttershaw,” Apple insisted. “It’s just a bunch of hocus pocus you willy nilly. Japan isn’t anything more than a myth So it is not lawk we all are in any real danger now are?

Nyaww? Maybe you were looking for "Nawww" as in no.
Fluttershaw? She's never called Fluttershy that, even taking her accent into account.
willy nilly? That's more a Pinkie Pie saying.
isn’t anything? She'd say "ain't nothin' ".
lawk? This doesn't even fit with the rest of it.

5) So the book is written in Japanese or the Japanese words are spelled out phonetically? If so, nothing would happen as Applejack's accent would make them almost unintelligible to any Japanese speaker or if the spell needed to be spoken exactly. Without going into great detail, Japanese is a precise language and it's something you learn early that a certain sound is always spoken the same way.

They they arrive in Japan and Inuyasha stuff starts to happen. I don't know. Maybe it's just me and maybe I'm just not the right person for this fic but it's simply not working for me. I would say you need some work on this.

1530569 I thanks for your tips. That is why I am fanficing to learn to be a better writer. I thought I did hear AJ say "Willy Nilly," a few times in a few eps.


Like they say, a writer is always blind to their own work even when they try their best and I also did take ask for your critique for those reasons. I had heard that dialogue was one of the hardest things to write.

Could you point out some grammatical errors?

Based on the description, you could really use a pre-reader.
EDIT: But apparently you already knew that. I will just say that the short and long descriptions can be the most important parts to make sure are as polished as possible. A good story can overcome a bit of technical problems, but without a good description, people aren't even going to read enough to give your story a chance.

2173529 , I don't come here that often since I have been taking a break from writing for a while to enjoy the work of others including your story.
Anyway, thanks for a tips. I have never ever thought about reading my stories out loud before either. Finally, where exactly is the Author's notes sections? :ajsmug:

2323368
Author's notes:
Go to a chapter.
Hit edit to the upper left of the text of the chapter.
Scroll down PAST where you enter the story, but not quite to the comments.
There will be a text-box.
That text box is the author's notes.

Comment posted by FaelaArts deleted Aug 12th, 2013

3027889

For starters, there are no shipping moments in here among those two.:rainbowlaugh: That scene where Pinkie drags Twilight to the back is actually intended for something else. :pinkiesmile: Pinkie is actually intended to trick Twilight as she has a surprise for her but it's a birthday present.

3029573
Nice to know out of all that, that is what you decide to comment on.

3030116 I also need to find the best way to get the dialogue exactly right with all the girls. As for Inuyasha and the rest of the cast, I had been doing some Inu fics for a while as well. However, when I first wrote about Kagome, she was not easy to write about.

3030116 Well I wrote that because I wanted to see if you could some up with some ideas as to make it clear that I am not writing an romance.

3031200
Not having the tag for one. Which you don't.
I don't see it as romance, and I find it insulting THIS is what you comment on. Two simple lines about how these sound like you're doing a ship.

3031262 You know something? I really don't get what I said that was so insulting. Second if you are going to get this critical, please take things to PM. :facehoof:

3033335
Nah it's ok. c ya.

5880590 I am so glad that you liked it

Dear author.
Please continue the story. I love reeding it and I think its so sad that it hasnt been updated in years.


367553

Why do you stop it's getting good

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