Something has come to Equestria. Something that hasn't been seen since before Nightmare Moon's banishment. Something that is possessing the destitute and the weak. Something that may explain Luna's inability to have dreams.
It would seem an old enemy has come out to play, and Luna can't take him on herself. She'll need to find friends if she is to beat it back.
All that is for certain is that she must again enter the world of dreams... and face her nightmares.
Undergoing rewrite as of 1/19/15
Originally written the story contest by Augiedog
Art by Dashiana
After the contest you should really flesh it out. Would like to see more adventure of Dinky and Luna
Hello fellow contest entrant! Don't know if you noticed but Augie extended the deadline another two days. Gives you the weekend to sneak in some final edits.
Will have to read this once I'm more satisfied with mine and willing to cross-contaminate all the ideas in my brain!
4017415
I really hope to if I have time!
4017746
Good Luck to you! I did see that, and hopefully I will get a chance to do more with it before then... but I am working most of the day. SO we shall have to see.
Looks like there's a few missing paragraphs here you might want to ninja-edit back in before the judging starts:
So this was pleasant reading, longer than I expected and fairly predictable but never lost me along the way. There were a few moments of surprising and genuinely touching characterization, like the cake scene. Nicely done on that.
I'd have liked to see Derpy given a more well-defined role, even if it was only to reflect on her own disability that figured so prominently in Dinky's dream — not much was made of her screen time, and it feels like a bit of a missed opportunity. (Also, unrelatedly, it always throws me super hard when a story has Derpy calling herself Derpy, which has always struck me as a cruel nickname. But I'll try not to hold headcanon against you.)
I'd also have liked to see a more solid connection drawn between the resolutions of Dinky's dream and Luna's. Maybe I just wasn't picking up on it, but I was expecting the second resolution to reflect more directly on the first, or Dinky's assistance to be more integral to Luna's own victory rather than her just popping up at the end. Maybe if you're editing it later, it would benefit from a third dream sequence in between the two of them that both foreshadows your ending and reinforces the shared themes?
Anyway, good luck with the comp!
4027560
Apparently, Google Docs is being a big fat meanie pants. It's in the doc, but for some reason it wouldn't transfer. Oh well, fixed now. In time for the judging or not.
I realy wanted to make this longer, probably a multiple chapter story. I wanted at least 3 or 4 more dream sequences, establishing Derpy as her own character and a mother, more background about the Nightmares, and an actual battle sequence with Nightmare Moon before the whole forgiveness scene. I even had ideas for what would happen after the events of this little one-shot.
Unfortunately, this is what happens when you only have about three days to write something. Which is why I hope to go back and maybe expand this later, once I finish up one of my other stories.
This line is reduplicated. :B
I didn't find this story all too appealing, but I have to agree with the above commenter: I'd like to see Dinky's adventures with Luna. That's not something I've really seen before.
4029263
At this point I think Google Docs might have it in for me. Upon fixing that I noticed a few other points where there were missing lines and such.
It's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but thank you for taking the time to look at it and I do hope to be able to do more with it in the future.
Well, it was certainly interesting, and a pleasant enough read. I fear I'll likely sound like a parrot, though; I think the best thing in this story is the idea of Luna and Dinky having adventures together
4039074
Haha, thank you Hopefully it will become a thing!
this is wonderful