The Black Blade
I blinked.
Then again.
'Where am I?' I thought.
I looked around. I could see a big river, a bridge and what could be considered a small park. What the hell?
'So, Jessica, you woke up standing somewhere without even knowing where and without any idea how you got there...? Way to go, girl!' Whispered my treacherous mind.
Being mocked by my own mind was just wrong.
Taking a deep breath, which sounded strange, like I had asthma, I took a step forward and stopped.
What just clanged? I looked down and froze.
'This... is not normal.' The thought ran though my mind.
I was walking with my sister, Rosy, through the usual crowd on the train-station.
The day was coming to an end and we were very satisfied with what we had...
"I can't believe you're still angry about it!" I said.
I was walking near my sister and was trying to stop her damn pouting. Yeah, twenty years old and she still can pout like a little girl. Rosy had brown wavy hair that went down to her shoulders, pale-green eyes and tanned skin. She had an athletic build and actually looked a tad bit older than me, which was actually funny, considering that we were twins.
I on the other hand had pale-yellow hair, brown eyes and a petite build, that made me look a bit underfed considering that I was wearing some makeup that made me look pale as ghost.
The make-up came from the fact that I was wearing the Cosplay-costume of my favorite Anime character.
Many will think that as a girl, I was suppose to like some Romance, Fluff or, God forbid Yaoi, but that was wrong. The first Anime that I ever saw in my life, was Dragon Ball, and it actually made an impact! The battles, the struggles, even if they weren't as great as in modern Anime, were fantastic. Maybe I like violence a bit too much...? Nah!
I was eleven at that time, and saw an AMV about the Anime on YouTube, and it actually made me curious. I didn't think that it can actually become such a wonderful hobby! My sister, who was a Fanatic to the core, actually set up an Anime-Marathon for the whole night where we watched more modern Anime and I was actually sold by some of them.
I mean, I wasn't a full-blown Otaku, but I really liked to visit the local Anime-Parties. It wasn't as bad as people tend to picture it. Most of the Fans came in costumes, there was music and snacks, some even traded goods like original merchandise and official first releases of Doujinshi. I visited at least five of these types of parties and considering that the restaurant where they are usually held is ten minutes from my home is actually a big plus in my book.
But today was my first Anime-Covention. My sister all but ordered me to be in costume for it, considering that on normal Parties I dressed in white T-shirt with the picture of my favorite character, shorts and sandals, Rosy actually had a point. I really wasn't comfortable in costumes, because it was a bit embarrassing, but there was no way in hell that I will be able to win argument with my sister.
All stubbornness was inherited by her, I was more of a sarcastic but kind joker.
Rosy locked herself in her own room for five months, only going out to school, to buy things, to eat and to use the toilet. I was actually nervous of what she was going to make me wear. I only could pull off Saber from the Fate/Stay Night Anime, considering that Red Saber was out of the question with the whole 'Lack of front side of the dress' that made the panties visible.
There was no way in hell that I will flash people just for the sake of being In-Character!
That only left the classic version and Saber Lily, which wasn't that bad. My favorite one was the classic version. I really wasn't sure why I liked her, considering her wish with which I didn't agree, and her mindset about being a King, which made me shudder. Maybe I liked her because there was so much that could be made better in her, that it made her interesting? Probably, I like complicated things. And no, it wasn't because she was the strongest and a woman, I didn't really care one way or another.
I actually bought several figures of her, that right now were standing on my table. Painting them was actually a really relaxing activity. Like puzzles, where you need to make a picture from a lot of tiny fragments, but a little bit more dirty, considering that my shirt still didn't lose the blue spot on the front.
After five months of doing what she thought was needed, Rosy emerged from her room and presented me the costume of Saber Alter, fully equipped with Excalibur Morgan: Sword of Promised Victory and even the black visor, which was actually made from see-through plastic, while the rest was made from thin metal, painted black with red lines. Apparently Rosy even added phosphoric paint so the red lines on the whole thing will glow in the dark.
The whole thing was heavy as hell! I was able to walk in it properly only after three days of adjusting, because, even if the metal was thin, it was still metal!
And then the road to the convention happened. Considering that I was in costume from the start, because I was sure that there won't be a place to change, and was carrying a bag with the sword in it... I actually scared some passengers on the train while we were on our way. Rosy even made me apply the white makeup, making me pale as a ghost and with visor hiding my wrong-colored eyes, I was damn close to the original. Even my hair was done in the bun like Arturia did!
Rosy was wearing the costume of Dark Sakura Matou, and considering that mother would have murdered us for any hair-paint, she was wearing a wig. I didn't even want to know where the hell she got the skin-marker or how she persuaded mom to permit the usage of it. The little marks on my cheeks were done by the unholy thing that smelled worse than that fumigating thing with which we massacred the termites in my room. Her dress actually covered more than anybody would think, and considering that she had the figure to pull it off... She really was one of the best when it came to making costumes.
And she somehow failed to make a dress for our grandmother’s birthday presentable. Well, it certainly was a dress, but it looked like she was going to kill someone and didn't want the blood to be seen when she was leaving. I mean, the whole thing looked like it was stained with blood already! I will never look at the 'Alice in Wonderland' book the same way again; 'American McGee's Alice' performed by my sister forever tainted the image created by Charles Lutwidge Dodgson.
The whole convention went without a hitch. My sister was almost flying from one table to another, looking more like a black, red and white blur than a human being. I couldn't run with the armor on me and with the clawed gauntlets that were made of metal and actually sharp, I didn't dare to touch anything because if I damaged it, I would have to buy it. And I couldn't even remove them because to do so, I would need to unlock several little 'hooks' and wearing the gauntlets actually prevented me from doing so.
Good thing that I didn't need to go to bathroom, that would have been awkward.
The good thing was that Rosy bought me several little figures, a big poster on the wall and a little book that contained all the information on Saber in all of her incarnation. I really was glad that she bought the last one, 'Data Books', and I mean a really good ones were like a Holy Grail for the Fans, and were sold almost instantly.
The bad thing, was that I had to be polite and let several little children take a picture with me, I really have a soft spot for the little ones. Considering that my character doesn't even have a smile, I wasn't requested to try and pull one out.
I don't think I actually could, considering that I was sweaty, my face itched and I couldn't sit in the bloody costume! Rosy really went all out and made it as realistic as she could! Well, I could sit, but that will then force me to ask for help to stand up, because I don't think that my body will be able to accomplish the action. The sword didn't have scabbards, so I had to carry it with me all the time. And considering the clanking that I made when I walked, someone could have actually mistaken me for the Tin Woodman from 'The Wizard of Oz'... Well, my character was actually heartless but in a different sense...
Good thing that in the local food-spot they poured the drinks in the glasses, or I would have to actually ask someone for help. The gauntlets weren't made with the ability to operate such a fragile device such as a plastic cup.
After my sister was fully loaded with bags of different souvenirs from the convention, including a T-shirt for me and her with the logo, we moved to the exit. I couldn't carry the bags because I had to carry the sword, now wrapped in cloth so we won't be stopped by the authorities, and the little sack with our normal clothes. The last one was a precaution in case something happened to our costumes.
Which was exactly what happened.
When we were leaving, Rosy stumbled and almost fell. Out of reflex I tried to grab her by caught only the front part of her dress. Sharp objects and thin fabrics doesn't mix so well, and my sister flashed her pink bra to everyone who was in the hallway at that moment.
And now she was pouting at me, while I was trying to actually persuade her to help me to change into normal clothes. Her excuse that we didn't have anything to carry the armor in was mute to me, as I cared more about my tired, sweaty and aching body.
"I said, I'm not angry." She answered without looking at me.
I looked at the traffic light and, seeing green, turned back to Rosy.
"Look, I know the look when you're angry, and you have that look at the moment. It was an accident, get over it!" I really hoped that she would get over it soon, the gauntlets were driving me crazy because I couldn’t even could scratch my face properly.
The damn makeup was like very weak acid, I'm sure of it!
"Listen, I'm not angry..." She turned to me. "... and if it... Look out!" She suddenly screamed.
I was able to turn my head in the direction Rosy was looking and was met with the front of the pretty big truck.
'Fuck...' I though.
And then it hit.
But that doesn't explain what the hell was happening now!
I was looking at my costume, which apparently has been upgraded while I was out.
The lines that were made with phosphoric paint on my sword, that for some reason was bare and in my hand? Now they were fucking glowing!
...
...
...
I rose my hand to poke myself in the cheek.
...
...
...
It wasn't actually as painful as I thought it would be. I closed my eyes and even used my hand to cover them to be sure...
*Ting*
The sound of metal hitting metal.
I poked the visor that, for some reason, became even more see-through.
*Ting*
'Plastic doesn't sound like that.' The thought ran through my head.
As careful as I could, I tried to remove the visor.
Nope, it was stuck like glue to my face, and I'm pretty sure that I won't find the rubber-band that was originally used.
I think, what my brain did right now can be compared to the 'Blue Screen of Death' that haunts the nightmares of every hacker.
'Alright, breathe, just make sure you're breathing.' I thought to myself. 'There has to be a logical and perfectly normal explanation of this whole mess.'
I looked around again. It was dark, like at night. I was in an unknown location and apparently the only landmarks were the bridge and the river. I was still in my Cosplay-costume but for some reason it felt lighter and far more comfortable, the red lines on the sword were glowing, my visor became solid metal, which was see-through and apparently was attached to my face by some unknown means.
'Like fuck.' A little treacherous thought emerged from the depth of my mind.
There has to be a logical and realistic explanation. It must exist!
...
...
...
I drew blanks.
Maybe I'm in coma? But I felt pain, so what is around me is real. What the hell?! There is suppose to be some cosmic rule that when you don't know where the fuck you are, you'll get a hunch about your location.
'Universe, if you're listening, I just wanted to tell you that...' I looked around for some divine intervention. Not finding any I finished my thought. '... you're a bitch.'
I again looked at the creepily glowing sword in my hand, it looked as malicious and impossible as it did several minutes ago.
'On one hand, it's obviously some eldritch abomination that should be thrown into volcano, but on the other hand, Rosy will skin me alive if I lose the bloody thing.' Random thoughts can't be useful all the time. 'What to choose? A possible destruction of my soul or the wrath of my sister? Decisions, decisions...' Maybe I was a bit screwed over in the head at the moment, but who wouldn't?
I decided to keep the thing but only because the locals could be not so friendly. I mean, a creepy fake sword is better than nothing, right?
Now, to the nearest telephone...
'Oh, crap.' I would have face-palmed if not for the clawed gauntlets.
Rosy had my wallet.
Great! Just fucking great! I'm stuck God knows where, without money, any form of identification and looking like a knight from horror movie with sword that apparently had a fucking light-saber for an ancestor!
"Fuck!" I cursed out loud.
Then I stopped.
'What the fuck is with my voice?! It's like I have an hoarseness!' This shit is so not going to fly!
"This is so wrong..." I muttered to test the voice and to voice a thought at the same time.
Without even thinking I started walking to the nearest tree that was growing from the patch of green grass. When you're angry, hit something and make sure to vent all of you negative emotions with the action and you'll feel better.
Well, I didn't actually hit the tree, more like swung my sword at it. I was ready for it to bounce off, bend or even break... Apparently the Universe actually heard me and now was screwing me over even more.
The fake sword cut through the tree, like it was wet paper. I didn't even feel the resistance!
*Crash*
The tree fell down.
I stared at the fallen thing like it just betrayed me. Then, as if the actual fact just reach my brain, I dropped the apparently real and very sharp sword on the ground and took several steps from it.
'De fuck?!' My mind screamed.
The sword that Rosy did was actually dull and the best it could do was to leave a bruise, this thing could probably cut a person in two! I was god-knows-where in the outfit that will send some people running in fear and in the possession of a real weapon.
Just. Fucking. Great!
I will be in the prison-cell faster than I could explain anything to the police! Hell, someone from the nearest building could actually see me and probably already called them!
I was so screwed...
It took me some time to stop freaking out, and after some deep breathing, walking in circles and mumbling like a nut, I forced myself to calm down enough to actually think properly.
There was this nagging sensation in the back of my head about something that I should know about my situation, by I couldn't quiet place it in words right now. Maybe it's because of the panic-attack that I had? Yeh, probably...
I also picked up the sword.
As much as I thought it was illogical and downright stupid, it was better to have at least some form of self-defense against someone who could actually be here with malicious intent. I really don't want to be raped, robbed or killed in some unknown place by some thugs or drunks.
'They will have a heart-attack just from seeing you.' Again my mind wasn't helping with mocking me about the whole idea.
Why do I hate myself so much? I really should visit the mind-doctor, can't remember which one was making sure the I had all the marbles in the right place. After this whole affair is over...
Why did Rosy make me wear this costume? I mean, I know that I look awesome in it but right now I look creepy at best and nightmarish at worst! And it was without the damn sword that didn't stop glowing even for a second! When will this thing run out of batteries?! Another question that won't be answered...
I really wish I had a more... friendly costume, like some Magical Girl or something... Hell, the leotard will be preferable to this armor any moment now! I mean, something like Nanoha had in the Anime would be even passable to walk in public without having everyone's attention on you as the weird one, more likely people will question my fashion taste but it was far better than I had at the moment.
'And you're not helping!' I glared at the sword in my hand.
The sword only glowed in response. Yeh, not the best conversationalist, and the fact that I just thought that makes it more important to check my brain for any screws loose when I get back home. I would also probably make sure to spend quite a bit of time washing myself, considering that I probably smell even worse than I look with all the stress and sweating I did during the convention. At least I can't smell myself, for some reason, and that is actually good, considering that the stench would probably knock me out cold.
I turned and started walking to the edge of the quay. It was a foolish hope, but if there was even a little tag with the name of the river on the handrail, it will be far better than nothing. At least I would know the name of the river in which I could drown myself if the mental breakdown reaches the appropriate phase. I mean, why I wasn't curled up in a ball and sucking my thumb right now was a mystery to even me, because I somehow teleported from in-front of the truck that was going to run me over, to this place. What is wrong with me?
I thought about it. Definitely going to check myself out when I'm home.
I reached the handrail and started walking alongside it to the right. After the first five steps something clicked in my head.
Wind. There was no wind. I was standing near the giant river and there was no wind whatsoever! Alright, the lack of even a slight breeze was disturbing. I mean, it had to be something here, but the unnatural calmness that I could feel in the air was making my mind go through some nasty scenarios.
'Why the hell doesn't this place make sense?!' I screamed in my mind.
I rose my left hand and delivered a crushing blow on the innocent handrails. Well, apparently the universe just won't stop screwing with me that easily. The handrails bent and twisted from the blow like they were made from plasticine! I didn't even feel any serious resistance and I'm pretty sure that what just happened was impossible in more than one way.
I looked at my arm dumbly, it was stuck in the twisted metal of the handrails and would probably need some serious assistance to get it out without removing the gauntlet. Without actually putting too much though into it I pulled and, again without any serious resistance from metallic bindings that were around my arm, I was able to free it. The sound of screeching and twisting metal that I ignored the first time, now were like knives stubbing me in the heart.
I looked at my hand, then slowly at the sword.
'Should I, or should I not?' The idea was more in line with the desperate attempt to make things actually make sense, and cutting off the arm that could bend metal like plasticine, would earn my sanity some breathing space for some time before another shock will come from around the corner.
I decided against it, considering that if it will grow back then there will be very little that could save what remained of my self control, and becoming a wailing crying wreck was not on my agenda. So I took a deep breath and after releasing the air from my lungs I was feeling a little bit better.
'So... Super-strength? And apparently Super-durability considering that my arm isn't a bloody mess.' Yeh, I was taking it pretty good.
I looked at my arm again. Then I grabbed the piece sticking out of handrails and pulled. It ripped off pretty easily, and then I clenched my fist, bending it further. Apparently I had some limits because I could actually crush the thing, but I came very close to actually snapping it in two by pressure.
Why am I not freaking out right now? Good question actually, that I can't answer myself, and I hope it's not because I actually went nuts with the crap that happened to me in the span of the last twenty or so minutes. There was something cosmically wrong with the concept of being this strong and sane at the same time, Superman not included. The Superheroes from comics-books are all not real and any person who can think clearly will go off the deep end if he or she gained something even close to what these leotard-wearing freaks can do. Superpowers are not cool because having them and using them correctly are two different things and most of the time people will just stroke their ego and do whatever they want without thinking about the consequences.
Did anyone see Superman paying the bills for the ruined buildings and destroyed equipment? Some of the Villains that he fought actually took some pretty expensive gadgets from the local sources. And being the brainless muscles that he is, Superman just broke everything. Who the hell will pay for the destroyed prototype? Or for repairs of the facilities in ruins?
I shook my head to get back on track.
Apparently I was now strong, impossibly strong and durable. Maybe I was as strong as Arturia?
That thought again made me feel like the whole situation was familiar, but the name couldn't place itself in words, so I let it go for now.
I actually tried to remember what the Parameters of Saber Alter were. Suddenly, like a switch was turned on, information flooded into my mind.
Servant: Saber
Spirit: Jessica Soer/Arturia Pendragon
Master: None
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Parameters:
Strength: A+
Endurance: A+
Agility: A+
Mana: EX
Luck: A+
Noble Phantasm: A++
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance: A
Riding: B
Personal Skills:
Charisma: E
Instinct: A
Prana Burst: A
Noble Phantasms:
Avalon: The Everdistant Utopia(Barrier): EX
Excalibur Morgan: Sword of Promised Victory(Anti-Fortress): A++
Invisible Air: Bounded Field of the Wind King(Anti-Unit): C
My mind went blank.
It wasn't that the information that was shoved into my brain caused me pain, no. It was the fact that the information was given in the first place.
This was beyond anything that I could imagine happening.
So... I'm Saber Alter?
'This shit is so not gonna fly!' The thought ran through my mind.
Well, let’s see what is wrong with this whole thing.
Firstly, it's impossible! I’m in some strange place playing the role of a Servant and with enough power to level the city. What is wrong with this picture? Well, I think many people will see that the whole affair is simply insane, considering that I'll sooner believe that this is some kind of a drug-invoked dream, and I'm right now in the hospital under rehabilitation after some pretty messy invasive surgery. Yeh, that will sound far more realistic than the crap around me being real.
I would have also thought about it being some kind of a prank, but the data-injection thing kind of killed the possibility.
Alright, let’s, for a second, imagine that the whole thing is real and look at the information on hand. I was in an unfamiliar place in the body of a Servant with ridiculously overpowered Parameters. I was in possession of three legendary artifacts of King Arthur and one of them was at the moment in my hand. I also had no way of getting home without bringing a lot of attention to myself, considering my outfit and being armed with a pretty scary sword. The only thing that I could do was to roll with it, but what is the point of it if I even didn't know where the hell I was?
If I was transported in the Anime, Manga, Game or Visual Novel, than at least I would need to see which one. Well, considering my outfit, I probably landed in the Fate/Stay Night with the Heaven's Feel route going full swing. The problem was that I didn't see corrupted Sakura running around or felt very... evil.
'Ah, so that's how people realise that they went insane...' I thought bitterly.
At least my hallucination was cool and I'm probably right now sitting in some soft room tied up, with glassy unseeing eyes and foaming from the mouth while mumbling something about pens. At least I wouldn't probably feel pain when the doctors will try to encourage me to regain sanity, or would know the pleasure of urinating and soiling myself while still wearing pants. Some luck is better than none at all.
'And this is probably what they call apathy.' Another thought.
And then I punched myself in the face.
Hard.
And again.
And again.
One more time.
Being punched by a metal gauntlet hurts like hell! Or maybe it is because I didn't hold back? I really couldn't care right now, more importantly I beat all the shitty thoughts of defeat from my head with my left fist. Yes, my face hurt but the pain was going away way faster than I was comfortable with. But at least it did its job.
'Like hell I'm going to lay down and roll over!'
I was awake, I was sober and I was going to get the hell out of here!
First things first, I need to find at least someone intelligent enough to hold a conversation. If I can find the local Police-Station... or Magi... or Kirei... The last one was a last resort, and if Gilgamesh was around, I’m gonna be screwed pretty badly...
Actually, the question was more in line of my course of actions here. I more or less figured out that everyone will try to kill me on the spot, or Shirou will try to talk me out of being 'Evil', the last option actually scared me more than the first one. I mean, he will probably give a long and boring speech about him saving me and I will have to actually respond... I will probably mess the whole thing up pretty badly considering that I had almost no knowledge of Magecraft that wasn't posted on the Wikia.
Well, I could probably just walk away, but he will follow me like a lost puppy, Rin will probably try to solve the whole mess like a Magus and Sakura... will probably brutally murder me... Better avoid them at all costs then.
Also, there weren't many places where I can go, and considering that I didn't know at what point of the timeline I appeared, I couldn't even know where was safe. What if my presence replaced the real character and therefore screwed up the whole plot? I know about the 'Butterfly-Effect' enough to understand that any little change I make can become a seed that will later bloom into a giant Titan Arum, that will smell worse than a rotting corpse.
'This is just fucked up...' I thought. 'Why did it have to happen to me? Did I somehow insu...'
*Clang*
My further thoughts were stopped as I apparently walked into an invisible barrier. Right as I was leaving the place and moving towards the nearest building I ran into an invisible barrier.
'De fuck?' My left eyebrow twitched. I took a step back. 'If the information-injection wasn't a total bullshit I shouldn't be stopped by something like this. My Magic Resistance: A should tear this thing apart...'
Out of curiosity I punched the barrier with my left fist, the invisible wall stopped my gauntlet dead, not even budging. And one more punch to be sure, that didn't do anything. It was like punching a titanium fortress-wall...
The last thought stopped me dead before I could punch the thing a third time. I looked at the sword in my right hand, the strange bubbly sensation rose in my stomach. I have a chance to do something that no other Otaku will ever be able to do, and I will get away with it...
I had to suppress the stupid grin that threatened to appeared on my face. I took several steps backward.
There probably was an easy way to solve this problem, maybe the barrier wasn't very wide and I could walk around it, or I could probably try another direction. Hell, even trying to get over the damn thing would have probably made more sense than what I was about to do, but my mind was right now filled with angels' choral singing, that narrated about my sacred duty to use the fortress-smashing, sky-tearing, ass-kicking sword in my hand, no matter what.
Then another thought hit me, I didn't know how to use the damn thing. It not like it came with a manual or something, and I sure as hell was not going to half-ass it. I looked at the sword and narrowed my eyes. The whole time that I carried it, I didn't even feel its weight or any discomfort from the unfamiliar position my hand was in. I knew a lot about the thing, but not how it actually worked. I wasn't sure I could do it...
I could.
Like a long forgotten memory the information started to crystallize inside my mind. I knew how to channel my Prana, how to make it do what needed to be done. I knew how much of it will be needed and that it won't affect my reserves very badly. I knew how to handle the blade, charge it and release the power.
I took a stance, the blade pointing forward and a little bit down, my left hand holding the blade's handle right under my right. And then I concentrated on what can be only considered as my Prana. It was there, an additional muscle in my chest that I now could use without any problems, the muscle holding back a gigantic dam of energy only waiting to be used. I flexed the muscle and let the power flow, like riding a bicycle, the skill was there and I only needed to remember how to use it, and what better way then a field-test?
Excalibur Morgan came to life. The power flowing into him made the red lines glow even stronger. I couldn't stop myself from grinning like a loon when the wisps of black smoke started to flow from everywhere and collect around the blade, covering it in a black miasma-like tornado. When the blade was mostly covered I felt like something changed, and then suddenly, with a pulse of energy it transformed into a blade of pure Prana. It still held the same basic shape but was bigger and a bit wider than the original. I could still feel the steel in my hands, so it meant that the energy-construction was covering the blade rather than changing it outright. The construction itself was black, outlined by a thin purple light and it in turn outlined by a glowing red edge, that actually shined bright enough to illuminate several meters of the ground around me with its ominous crimson light.
I could feel that the blade was charged. It wasn't at its maximum capacity, but it was enough for the first try, I didn't want to risk it and unleash the full might of the blade right now, without any knowledge of the consequences. I raised the blade over my head. It knew what words must be spoken, what will unleash the might of the Noble Phantasm, and I'm sure as hell that the only thing that was keeping me from jumping around and giggling like a schoolgirl was my dignity. But the grin on my face was really out of place, considering which appearance I was wearing at the moment.
[Excalibur]
I brought the blade down and let the power loose.
The giant wave of black energy with the same purple and red outline rushed forward and collided with the barrier. The invisible wall, that stopped me dead on my tracks, budged under the strain of containing the blast from the mightiest sword in existence. I could practically feel as my attack was slowly but surely advancing forward as I fueled more Prana into the attack.
'If only someone could take a picture...' I thought.
Suddenly, I felt the barrier giving in.
*Crack*
And then suddenly everything went white.
'This sucks...' I thought as my eyes opened.
This time I saw not a dark sky of the city, but a dark sky through the trees' leaves... Well, it can be considered an improvement. I think...
I got back on my feet and looked myself over. The sword was still in my right hand, slightly glowing. I concentrated and checked my Prana-reserves, the part the I used was refilling fast, several minutes and I will be full. This actually was very convenient with the lack of a Master that can be used for a recharge. My armor was as creepy as ever and without a single scratch on it, my hair still in the same strange bun that Saber favored so much.
I studied my surroundings. Well, I was in some kind of park that wasn't taken care of for a long time, or I was in a forest, which was worse, considering that there wasn't any way of knowing which way I should go to reach the nearest settlement.
'I wish I had a compass or something...' I sighed. 'This is like that damn movie about...'
My thoughts were interrupted by a strange tingling sensation in the back of my mind, that almost screamed at me Danger! I whirled around, taking a defensive stance, redying myself for a confrontation. I didn't know what can it be, but I really hoped that I could deal with it or escape if my appearance won't be enough to avoid the confrontation altogether. I didn't know if my skill with the sword will be as good as Arturia's, so avoiding the confrontation was my best bet right now.
Suddenly I heard... clucking? I actually started doubting the strange tingling sensation that was like a bastard-child of Peter Parker's 'Spider-Senses'... 'Saber-Senses'? I mean, if that chicken that was clucking wasn't created by Walt Disney, was three meter tall, almost indestructible and breathed fire, then I think that there is nothing to worry about. The lack of warthog and mongoose running from that direction somehow was more reassuring than a sword in my hand.
I could actually hear it, as something was getting closer to my position.
'Alright, deep breath. It will be your first meeting with a sentient life while in this form, so don't screw it.' I was ranting in my head. 'It will be a bit of a challenge to prove that I'm... What the Hell?!' My mind came to a screeching halt as the one that was making that noise made its entrance.
Whatever it was, it obviously wasn't a chicken! Well, its head was that of a chicken, while the rest of the body was like that of a snake, with chicken's legs sticking from the bottom and a pair of leather wings, a long tail was apparently a bonus to the screwed up appearance. The scales of the thing were dark green, with feathers of its neck being white. Its eyes were solid red in color and there were two sets of very sharp pointy teeth in its beak. It was standing at least as tall as my knees, and was glaring at me with an obvious hostility.
I raised an eyebrow. This was not what I was expecting.
'Colonel Sanders, we have a problem...' I thought, while trying to decide what my next course of actions should be.
I obviously encountered a Monstrous Beast, if what I read on Type-Moon Wikia is right. Good thing I studied the damn thing hard enough to write the whole dissertation, and I sure as hell don't remember seeing something like this in the database. Maybe its a chimera? But what Magus in his or her right mind will make something this ridiculous? Its not even that intimidating! Well, children will probably get scared by its almost glowing red eyes, and I mean that they are really just solid red without any hint of difference, two orbs of red that are now looking at me.
'I failed to see the dangerous part of the meeting...' I relaxed a little bit and even lowered my sword.
I could still feel that the thing was hostile, but the whole point here was that it couldn’t do anything to me. Probably... I know that underestimating this snake-chicken-bat thing was stupid, but I really failed to be impressed. All it was doing was glaring at me, like it was trying to kill me with its stare...
Well, that thought actually made me curious.
It was obviously an omnivore or at least a carnivore considering the teeth and the fact that it kind was two-third a predator, and if its red eyes were really a natural way of getting food...
Cybele , or more commonly known as Mystic Eyes of Petrification can be considered a variant, but I really can't see this pathetic thing possessing something that rare. Even if this, whatever it was, had the eyes, my Mana: A++ and Magic Resistance: A would nullify the effect almost entirely, and even then I don't think that this beast can best me in terms of speed or strength, sword in my hand kind of make the point moot. I can probably handle it with bare hands, seeing as the metal of the handrails was nothing more than a tissue-paper against my Strength: A.
Mystic Eyes of Binding would be useless against a Servant of my caliber.
'Am I really starting to get used to being a non-human Force of Nature given form?' I almost facepalmed from the thought. 'Not important at the moment.' I took a deep breath through the nose, 'This is the first contact with a Monstrous Beast, don't screw it up...' I could practically feel its gaze on me. 'And don't die, there is no saying what the little bugger can pull out of its ass.'
Suddenly the thing made a sound that I honestly couldn't identify as a screech or a roar or a clucking, more like a mix of all three, and then it used its wings to propel itself forward. I really wasn't sure what the hell was it doing, and therefore I froze in place.
Everything slowed down to a crawl and I could see the monster slowly float towards me, probably aiming for the throat or any other vital organ that wasn't covered by my armor. The only thing that saved me was the reflexes that I didn't know existed in me in the first place, like I was doing it for years, my right hand moved to the left and then I slashed at the thing with my sword.
Time seems to resume its normal flow and the creature dropped on the ground, dead, with its head landing nearby. It didn't even have the time to change its... facial expression before it died. I stood there shocked by what just happened. The speed of my movements wouldn't have been probably registered by anyone other than another Servant. The evidence was that there wasn't even a drop of blood on my weapon, the speed of the strike not even letting the liquid have enough time of contact to stick to the sword's blade.
I wasn't one of the innocent children that read colorful books and dress in bright colors, I was familiar with violence and death, the first one I saw with my own eyes and sometimes even used myself, the second I just saw for the first time, and I was the one who caused it. I really wasn't even feeling guilty here, because, well, it was an animal which was clearly non-sapient, or really dumb, but still an animal. I wasn't a 'Protect the Nature' or 'Animals have Feelings' type, and I knew about natural order of things in the world.
I would probably not be able to eat chicken for some time though, this hybrid may have been too much for me to stomach. I hope whoever actually created this thing won't be angry at me for killing his or her little pet.
'I really should have thought about that before beheading the damn thing...' I just hoped that the locals weren't a bunch of aggressive megalomaniacs that communicated by bitting each-other's heads off, or I will be in some deep shit.
I looked at the body of... whatever it was. The blood was slowly leaking from both of the ...parts of the creature, creating two little red puddles on the ground. I could actually see the spine, what could only be a throat and muscles that were displayed by the headless body. It was like that time I went in the museum, but it was all fake there and here, not so much...
I finally came to a decision.
I turned around and started walking in a different direction from where it came from. Maybe it was a bit stupid and childish, but at the moment I thought it would be the best course of action. I really wasn't eager to meet anyone who could make a creature like that and then let it wander around without supervision...
'Oh, shit...' I almost stumbled when the idea came to my mind.
What if it was a Familiar? Considering that this thing was as weird as a platypus, and apparently made from at least three different animals, I could only think about one type it that fit the bill. A traditional version of the Familiar, which mean that it was created by the Magus, given life and sent to investigate something or spy on someone. The big difference here was that I really couldn't see it being dead at some point in time, with how natural the creature looked... Normal Familiars are created by placing the leftover thoughts of an already departed soul, of a dead person, into the body of a dead animal. Following that, the Magus needs to repair the animal corpse so that it can move again and by transferring a part of the Magus' body, that has a great concentration of Magic Circuits, like eyes, hair, blood, and so on, into the body of the dead creature in order to give it a new life.
The problem here lies with the fact that it will be a real living being and will have some form of independence, while experience and knowledge will come with time, making it even harder to control. If this critter was like that, then either it was ordered to attack me, or it was just aggressive by nature, and I was just the piece on which it finally choked.
'I really hope that I dodged the bullet here, being hunted down by a pissed off Magus is the thing that will probably cost me more than I have on hand.' I thought as I quickened my pace a little, to further increase the distance between me and the evidence of my little case of bad diplomacy. 'Was there a way to actually resolve the whole thing peacefully?' That was actually a good question. I really didn't want to think about it, the whole thought was just reminding me how much I screwed up there.
This place was starting to creep me out. I was walking for, what I can only guess, several hours, and I didn't find anything that even resembled a way to civilization!
Well, I couldn't say that nothing happened while I was walking through this 'Hundred Acre Wood', if it was created by Timothy Walter Burton. Apparently creatures here were more than just a tad bit strange, and considering that I already decided that it was the grounds of some Magus who liked to create new life for the hell of it, I wasn't even surprised anymore.
Firstly I saw a strange patch of blue flowers, that were actually giving off Prana, I could sense it even if I wasn't trying. Well, I actually figured out how to do it, so at least they were useful for something. I couldn't actually tell what type of Magecraft was used here, and didn't want to test it, so I wisely walked around them.
Then there was this strange feeling of being watched, and I mean it. My 'Saber-Senses' were tingling, and they were warning me that there is someone who I can consider an enemy, and who consider me its prey. I really hoped it was an animal, because there just wasn't enough information in my head to actually fight off a Magus on his or her own territory. I could see an acid-yellow eye looking at me from the bushes, but if they were too scared, or to cautious, to show themselves I didn't care. It not like I changed directions whenever I saw them, so they weren't trying to lure me into a trap... I hoped at least.
There was also one time when I saw a something move through the sky, but it was too far and I wasn't actually paying attention so I couldn't actually tell what it was.
'And what the hell is this stench?' I thought, trying to wave it away with my left hand.
Not long ago I started to smell something foul, and I really meant it when I said foul. It was a strange smell of rotting tree and some kind of... compost? I really couldn't tell, but one thing was for sure, the only thing that prevented me from barfing my insides out, was apparently my status as a Servant.
Suddenly I felt the presence behind me and turned around.
'Is it me, or did someone bribe Rob Pardo for this?' I thought as the ones that followed me so far finally showed themselves.
I actually felt cheated for some reason. These... creatures weren't even that scary or anything, just wolves made of sticks, trunks and had leaves for eyebrows. Well, at least I now know who the owners of the acid-yellow eyes that I saw earlier were. They were big, almost as tall as I am, but the intimidating factor was ruined by their ridiculously constructed bodies. There wasn't even any additional weapon on them not counting claws and teeth, considering that they looked like this place's equivalent of Medea's Dragon Tooth Warriors, I failed to see the reason for their appearance. Dragon Tooth Warriors were good at quantity, not quality, and these ones looked even more pathetic, so with only three of them here I was kind of disappointed.
On the bright side, that meant that whoever sent them thought of me as a weakling, and that meant there was a big chance of them underestimating me! Well the wolves made from timber...
'I will feel even more disappointed if they are actually called Timberwolves...' I thought as my eye twitched.
Apparently my lack of movements worked as a dinner-bell, because the wolves suddenly jumped forward. I felt their intent before they even started to move, so I easily jumped back, dodging their attempt to catch me. Landing without even losing my footing, I charged forward, not giving the creatures time to move from their spot.
My sword moved with incredible speed and cut right through the first wolf, like a hot knife through butter, bisecting its head vertically. Without stopping I turned around and moved around the wolf that tried to attack me from the side, while I was dealing with its partner. Another swift strike from the black blade cut the thing's torso in two, no resistance whatsoever. Turning around to face the last one I saw that it stood several meter from me, apparently uncertain of what to do.
Suddenly I felt a strange feeling inside my head, like there was something I was suppose to do. I wasn't going to argue with the instincts that came with the upgrade that I went through. Letting my Prana flow into the blade, I raised it. Familiar smoke started collecting around the blade but not there was noticeably less of it, and there was a different... vibe coming from it.
I knew what was going to happen, the moment I started channeling Prana, the skill appeared in my head, one of the couple of mid and long-range attacks that I could do now. It was fast, destructive and easy to perform. And the most important thing about it was was the fact that it was worth almost nothing in Prana.
[Burst Air]
I swung my blade down, releasing an crescent-shaped arc of red transparent energy, with little wisps of black and purple blending in. It flew, cutting the ground with absolute ease, toward the wolf. The beast didn't even have time to comprehend what happened as the attack slammed into its side, ripping through wooden body without even slowing down.
Only then I figured out the mistake I made by using this trick. The attack didn't stop and traveled further, tearing through several trees, not losing even an ounce of its speed or power. I lost sigh of it after a moment while it was traveling forward and apparently collided with something, as I could hear an explosion in the distance.
'Ooops...' I almost said it out loud. 'Don't panic, nobody saw it and there is no way they can tie it to you, so just walk away like nothing happened.'
And I did just that.
I was walking through the woods and thinking about everything that happened to me so far. The whole forest was one big fucked up death-trap, and with the creatures it contained...
The chicken-snake-bat thing was more or less harmless, at least I didn't meet it again, so at least I can consider myself lucky that they are apparently very rare, or that the ease with which I killed the first one made others stay away from me. The Pinocchio-puppies were at tad bit different, I could still feel that I was being watched and sometimes see their glowing eyes from the corner of my eye, but that's all, they didn't attack again and didn't even dare to show themselves.
'If I think about it, I didn't see even one of them for the past ten minutes or so...' I thought while walking towards what I hoped was the exit of this place.
Suddenly I heard someone crying. My head instantly snapped in the direction of the sound. It was obviously female and I was pretty sure she wasn't crying 'Happy-Tears'. I never was the 'Hero'-type, and helping people who you don't even know was stupid in my eyes, because they could reward you with a knife in the back for your assistance.
This time it was different. This crying also told me that there was someone there who was at least capable of communication, and probably could point me to the nearest city or, considering the forest I'm in now, a village. Yes, this was my chance to get out of this place, and like hell I was going to let it slip through my fingers!
I made my way in the direction of the sound, trying to come up with a suitable back-story, so not to appear as a runaway client from a mental asylum, I don't need local Batman coming to put me back there. I would probably not even fight back a lot, the sight of a grown-up man running around in his underwear over his spandex pants will make me fall down from laughing.
The sounds of crying was getting louder and louder, and considering the distance I just walked I had to question just how good was my hearing. I reached the trees from where I could hear crying and slowed down my pace, no need to scare off my only chance of getting out of here.
I wasn't really prepared for what I saw in-front of me. Sitting near the tree was a girl, about eighteen years old, with pale cornflower blue hair with even paler cornflower blue stripes that went down to her butt. And damn, she had curves! I mean, what did she eat to get a body that made her look like that? She was slim, and even with her clothes on I could tell that her body was filled in all the right places, with her C-cup plainly visible.
I almost looked down at my more than modest A-cup.
She was wearing brown high-boots, purple high socks that ended higher than her knees, black short dress that barely covered her thighs, light-blue wide-sleeved coat with yellow and purple stars on it, tied by pink thin belt with the buckle in the form of a star-tipped wand casting a starry-sky veil. The belt itself went from her waist behind her back, where it crossed and then from under her hands and ended under a large sapphire that was attached to the coat's top and only button and also hold a light purple high-collar cape with yellow and pale cornflower blue stars on it. Near the girl was a stereotypic wizard-hat the same color and with the same motive as the cape.
The girl was lying on her back and weeping as she gazed at the night sky.
Oh, and she got a six-inch brilliant azure horn with a spiral pattern sticking out of her forehead.
'Charles Robert Darwin is rolling in his grave right now.' I thought. 'And probably chewing on his own beard from pure rage, because apparently there are humans that evolved from unicorns.'
I was officially impressed. I really couldn't tell if the horn was fake or real, but considering that I couldn't see any proof of it being attached by glue or any other means, I'm currently trying to remember any and all legends that I know about unicorns. This is just not what I was expecting.
I mean, a trap was much more obvious and I honestly couldn't tell if the girl's tears were real or fake, but something was telling me that this was all real. Well, as real as my cracked-up psyche can comprehend. Even if it was a trap, I was more than sure that I could take on a single opponent, it was Saber's specialization anyway. Just in case I channeled a little bit of Prana through my body, to be ready to use Prana Burst to either get away or attack.
Prana Burst was one of the skills that I forced myself to learn while walking through the forest. One thing is to know how to do it, which was easy, I just needed to concentrate on the skill itself and the needed information appeared in my brain. The other is use it with actual skill! I practiced while moving and let me tell you, jumping high enough to actually reach the clouds, even if they’re abnormally low, was one hell of an experience. The landing sucked, because even if I landed on my feet, my collision with the earth created a huge crater, it was like a damn meteor landed there. I left as soon as possible to make sure that the results of my experiments weren't tied to me.
Prana Burst was actually a pretty easy and straight-forward skill. It was basically the increase in performance caused by infusing one's weapons and body with magical energy and instantly expelling it. Simply put, recreating the effect of a jet burst by expending large amounts of Prana. I really like when my punch annihilated a huge rock like it was made from styrofoam.
I took a deep breath and walked from behind the tree to face the girl, the clanking of my armor finally reached her through her crying and she opened her, slightly puffy and red from crying, eyes, which were dark grayish violet color and looked at me.
'Here goes nothing.' I thought.
Suddenly the girl grabbed her hat, and hurriedly placed it on her head, somehow putting her horn right through the special hole for it, probably practice. She got on her feet, a tad bit rushed and almost falling down a couple of times, but its the result that matters, right?
She placed her left hand on her hip and the right one used point at me, while puffing her chest and failing to generate a proper dramatic aura. Maybe it was her slightly wrinkled clothes, or the eyes, or maybe the obvious trembling of her body, I don't know, but the attempt at intimidation failed before it even started.
"I'm the Great and Powerful Trixie! How dare you to try and sneak up on me!" Alright, her voice was trembling, but she somehow was able to say it all without even stuttering once.
I took a step forward, trying to think of something to say without making her bolt like a rabbit. Well, she didn't actually try to run away, that was a good thing. The bad thing was that my sudden movements apparently startled her, and being already on a hair-trigger, she apparently thought I was going to attack. She yipped and her horn flared with pale light-grayish magenta aura and then shot, what I could only guess was a bolt of concentrated Prana.
Time slowed down for me again. I could see her attack crawling towards me, her magical attack was nearing me. Something snapped inside me and apparently another trick of my arsenal was brought to light. I could feel how my Prana is streaming and creating a spherical barrier around me, that looked like black, red and purple mist rotating around me, a perfect sphere that protected me like a fortress wall against any magical attacks. I didn't even utilize it consciously, it was a pure reflex that was engraved into this body, an almost automatic defense against any offensive Magecraft.
The attack connected and was ripped apart by the protective mist. As soon as the last traces of the attack faded I forced the mist to disappear, and took a better look at the girl. She was trembling, her eyes full of fear and her horn flashing like she couldn't decided whenever she should try again, or flee without turning around. Hell, she was barely even standing, I don't think she was even capable of running at the moment.
'Great first impression.' I thought.
First of all, this story was more of an experiment than an actual project before the inspiration kind of gave me wings and kicked me out of the window. So here is the result of my first attempt at not falling down to my death.
Also, here is the picture of how Trixie looks like, only imagine her older, with more curves and with a horn:
And here is how the Main Character looks like:
Oh, and join my group! Lets move the theme together!
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4034766 'Tis just a monthly occurence.
There's a group called League of Humans Acting Villainously. This story would more than likely show up there in twenty to thirty minuets.
4034766 It's just a flesh wound.
I saw the title and thought my mate had ponified his RWBY fanfic, but sadly no
can't wait to see where this goes though
About time one of these came around with serious effort. Lets see where you take us.
4034766 I'm invincible!
4034766
4034799
4034878
4034942
4034952
4034862
was hoping for this Black Knight. img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090605012600/fireemblem/images/4/43/Fepr-Blackknight.jpg
Who... Who is this HEATHEN?
This looks great. I cannot wait to see what happens next.
4035012 noting as good as British humour...
definitely earned a fave and a like, hope for more : )
28 Notifications- All are this one story. Really.
...This...has enough errors to make the mass of flesh rolling around in my skull rot. That's discounting the incongruencies, the fact that I feel like I'm reading the words of a guy, and the storytelling of an amateur. I'm simply at a loss as to how this became featured. It's not good enough.
Honestly, it has a decent enough premise, but the author doesn't have the wherewithal or skill to pull it off. The air of the speaker, the tangents, the real lack of description just irks me in a way I haven't been before. I'm....at a loss for words. I think I've just seen the impossible happen.
What did just clanged?
What just clanged? Did I just clang? What was that clang?
because apparently there is humans that evolved from unicorns.
because apparently there ARE humans that evolved from unicorns.
Only ones I saw, but I'm by no means a master of proof reading.
4034986 I love this movie. So much. It makes me want to be British.
4035012 trust me, you don't. im british and half the time it sucks
Why? I'd like to know before I start reading what kind of story I'm going to be reading. It's pretty lame to jump that on people half way through. Besides, you're already using six tags. How many more could you possibly need?
I'm sorry, I want to keep reading, but I fucking can't. There are too many damn grammar/spelling errors riddled throughout this thing. I didn't expect it to be perfect, but come on man! Get someone to review your work before it's published! This story has so much potential, if you just fix those mistakes. I'll point out a few just in case.
I feel like I'm agreeing with IkioStar. This really isn't feature material, not yet. It's incongruent and poorly worded. More needs to be done with this. If english isn't your first language, please say so in your description, otherwise my comments may seem to harsh. If english is your native language, you have no excuse.
'Where am I?' I though.
That should be "I thought"
Yeh, twenty years old
That should be "Yeah"
Rosy had brown wavy hair that went down to her shoulders, pale-green eyes and tanned skin. She had an athletic build and actually looked a tad bit older than me, which was actually funny, considering that we were twins.
There's no reason for this description of her. You didn't lead into it. If you had said something along the lines of "And I looked over to Rosy..." or something to indicate you were looking at her before you just broke into description. Or you could have brought up the fact that they were twins earlier and then used that as an excuse. You really need work on your transitions.
wearing the Cosplay-costume
Cosplay should not be capitalized. It's not the first word in a sentence, or a formal name.
ike some Romance, Fluff or, God forbid Yaoi,
Even more unnecessary capitalization. I'm assuming at this point that english isn't your first language. In any case, get someone to proofread your stuff before publishing it. It's wrong not to.
I would go on, but I'd be here for hours picking out the problems. Remove this story, get it proofread by someone fluent in english (which plenty of people will do for absolutely free) and then re-upload it.
I'll reiterate everyone else, there are enough errors to be distracting and detrimental to the overall quality of the work. I'd like to point out wolfs instead of wolves and leafs instead of leaves. You need at least a copy editor, if not a general editor to make the story better.
Funny how my story with the exact same name didn't get featured despite, according to the below comments, being better written than this.
Ah well, no use crying over spilt milk . . . or wait, does that saying even properly apply here? Whatever, I'm not mad is what I'm trying to say.
This is good. I hope ther will be more
4035012 ...
...
...
Really?
4035045 Can you at least name the source?
4035074 The one with the fortress-smashing sword, apparently.
4035402 I'm glad to 'Pinkie' you.
I hope this site of Fanfiction will be able to provide you with more impossibilities.
4035415 Thank you for your help!
4035551 Pardon, I was talking about Character-Tags.
4035673 1) I'm from Russia, and it is really hard to actually write something in English due to the different rules and all.
2) Thank you for pointing out the mistakes.
3) The capital letters are there because of my style of writing.
4) Proofreading is a thing that I really can't see the point of, it is you who needs to get better, not someone else, so I don't see the point. People like you, who points out the mistakes are really helpful in getting my skills in writing up to the appropriate level, so thank you!
4035937 1) 'leafs' - My bad.
2) 'wolfs' - I don't remember how this technique is called, but sometime authors intentionally write some words wrong, like here as a part of some kind of running joke, or something similar. Here it was the old joke about 'Wolfs are not Wolves'.
Read the whole thing and i think Trixie was more humanized then antro.
4036229 Ponies are humanized in this story, other races like Gryphons are Anthropomorphic.
... GAH!!!
I am so frustrated right now! I've been working on a "super-powered human in Equestria" fic for weeks now, with the main character given all the skills and powers of a Servant from Fate/Zero, and now this comes along, so I'll look even more unoriginal then before when I finally post mine. Ah well, such is life. Great minds think alike, and all that.
I think a few other people have mentioned the spelling and grammar issues, so I'm just going to focus on the actual story. I think you've got a pretty good start here. The pacing is good, the protagonist's reactions are very cleverly tongue in cheek, although you might be a tad heavy on the exposition. Although my personal belief is that it's better to have too much exposition than too little, and not everyone is a dedicated TypeMoon fan as well, so it may be for the best.
I look forward to seeing what comes out of this story next, and to the inevitable Black-calibur blasting of everything.
*Looks up at picture and reads description*
*Assumes that the story is a fate stay night cross over*
*favorites story then goes back to sleep*
4034799 I FUCKING LOVE THIS COMMENT.
4036205 Fire Emblem: Path or Radiance and Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn
4036308 1) Post it anyway, I really think there should be more F/MLP stories in general!
2) My position is that the person must be able to read my story without looking into Wikia every three minutes, so I'm trying to put at least some basics into it.
4036325 Eh, sleeping, it claimed the best of us at some point or another.
4036397 Thank you!
4036377 I'm flattered.
Sound's pretty O.C.
4036063
Not cool.
Keep in mind that this story is, independently of yours, well-written.
It has the advantage of belonging to the LoHAV, which has a tendency to turn out interesting fiction. As such, it was more likely to be noticed than was your Holy Grail rehash, no matter how good the rehash was.
Also keep in mind that similarity of title indicates nothing.
4036655
Wait . . . you're serious?
Eh... you need an editor / proofreader for all these typos. Other than that, I'd like to say where it goes if you continue it.
4036671
I am unfamiliar with your personality, and I encountered a very passive-aggressive post of yours. I know some artists take criticism very poorly, so I decided it would be worthwhile making my opinion of such posts known, if for no reason other than encouraging future writing.
Regardless of your reasons for posting it, and regardless of the outcome, it was the right decision at the time.
Hm...
Considering I don't Know Saber Alter...
Not Bad. However, Prana is a new term to me. Took me going to the Wikia
to basically understand it as [Mana] as its typically referred to in most other mediums of Fate.
Still, I prefer Saber Nero (Red Saber to the Uneducated
) to Most other Sabers, cause of She was basically a Villain, and her Noble Phantasm is Much more Interesting instead of "Herpderp Sword Lazer."
Still, Good Job. Keep it Going!
4036655
Seriously? Almost everything in the LoHAV is just a rehash of the exact same premise, sometimes with amnesia thrown in for no logical reason. The basic concept was interesting, but the flood of awkwardly written "a cosplayer gets dropped into Equestria, makes terrible decisions" has really killed the uniqueness of the whole idea.
4036783 Exactly.
Man, fuck English. It's a bullshit language.
FINALLY! FINALLLLLLLY! AFTER THREE! GOD! DAMN! YEARS! SOMEONE HAS FINALLY MADE A GOOD SABER ALTER STORY! Granted it's not really saber alter but someone with her powers in equestria, but I digress, the fact that her powers are there and that someone's wielding them is more than I'd hoped for! Great first chapter, can't wait to see more. Keep goin and stay golden^^
4036811
Regardless of 're-hashes', the title of a story has little relevance here.
What makes me the most sad is that I can actually think of things that are more stupid than this. I can think of things that have less entertainment value.
But not many.
Really? Out of all the characters you chose Arthur? Why not Alexander? If you had used him this story would have a permanent place in the feature box along with a thousand likes on the first day you posted this.
Alexander The Great, coolest guy you'll ever acknowledge as your King.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130620094003/typemoon/images/2/2b/ZeroRider.png
4036063 i read that black knight fic of yours which im assuming is what your talking about i thought it was kinda funny because the prank backfired in the end on another notw im seeing comments that this is a movie or anime what would the name of it be and could i find it on youtube
4036705 I already said why I won't ask one for help.
Yes, my OC will be considered a Villain, but there will be an actual reason to it, and it all will be because of her actions and her actions alone, not because of some misunderstanding/corruption/etc.
Two words: Reality Marble.
4036730 What do you mean?
4036756 You prefer Nero because she flashes everyone?
4036783 I had to agree with you.
4036901 Thank you!
4037085 He was one of the Servants I considered to use, but there is one big NO that makes it impossible to use him in this type of a story.
4037302 1) Main Character is using the image of Saber Alter from Visual Novel 'Fate/Stay Night' with the story going through 'Heaven's Feel Route'.
2) The joke about 'Black Knight' is the reference to the movie 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail'.
4037322
only the Official Art does she flash.
In the Game, Fate/Extra, Her In combat Model has a solid white front. So No Flashy!
I just like the fact that her Spirit is not basically a Cliche. Not to mention, She Grew and recognized her Mistakes in her previous life, unlike Arthur, who was "Oh Im King Arthur, Blind Paladin Mode Go!"
I may be a bit jaded about Lawful Good Characters being blindly Good...
4035415 Trust me...there's more.
Info-Dumping and putting things in bold. You must really have a bad habit of doing that. I skimmed much of it. This is not good.
4034766 Yes Mercrucio.