82. Definition of Love
Her lips press against mine, completely overwhelming my body with so many sensations that I can't even describe. I can feel her body pressing against me, her muscles tensing and her chest heaving, even as her breath fills my lungs.
I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never kissed a girl like this before, but it doesn't seem like Rainbow cares. Her hoof is wrapped around the back of my head, holding me close. I can feel her sighing in relief and pure happiness, seemingly stemming from just this simple act.
My cheeks are filled with a heat so intense, unlike any that I've ever felt before. My body feels tense, yet more alive than ever. My heart pumps with an intensity so great that I feel it beating against the underside of my chest.
I've seen people kiss before, both humans and ponies. Every time I remember thinking to myself how fake it looked; that there couldn't be any possible way that the feelings there were real. Yet now, as Rainbow snuggles up to me, her mane falling onto my face as she ferociously claims my lips for her own, that preconception of mine is just blown away.
This mare really cares about me. I can tell just by the way she's holding onto to me, as if she never wants to let me go. How hard must this have been for her, to hold this kind of emotion back for fear of my reaction?
Suddenly, my thoughts return with a vengeance, no matter how much I want to ignore them. If Rainbow harbors this kind of love for me, how much further does she want to go? She mentioned dating, but I don't know what that entails. Can I really give this mare what she wants? She said she was in love with me, but I don't even know what that means.
I start to get scared, and now my mind rebels, especially as the truth of what's really happening dawns on me. I'm letting a goddamn pony kiss me, and I'm not sure I know how to return the feelings she's giving me, if I even can.
My heart fills with pain, and I clamp my hands down on Rainbow's shoulders, pushing her away. Rainbow grunts in surprise and confusion, wanting to get back to me, but I won't let her. I can still taste her on my lips.
“I....I can't,” I stammer, a sharp pain seeming to shoot through my heart. It gets even worse when Rainbow puts on a pained expression. It almost makes me regret what I'm doing, but I can't just rush on blindly into something like this without thinking. “I can't do this.”
“What? Why not?” Rainbow asks in an almost pitiful whine.
“I just fucking can't. You're a pony, for god's sake, and I'm a human. What kind of future would you have if you were with me?” I shoot back. Rainbow's eyes flash.
“I don't care about any of that! It's never mattered to me what race you are! Are you telling me it's mattered to you!?” Rainbow shouts furiously.
“No! That's not it at all!” I backpedal, realizing that I'd just sounded extremely bigoted against her kind through that one sentence. “I don't know how to care for you in the way that you want, Rainbow! And I refuse to let you blunder into some kind of half baked relationship with me when I don't even know if I can love you!”
“You were the one who told me to go for this in the first place, just a few minutes ago! Why are you only telling me this now?” Rainbow demands desperately, a heartbroken expression start to form on her face. Just seeing her look like that hurts like you wouldn't imagine, and I almost just give in and let her do whatever she wants to me, but...that would still hurt her in the long run. “Is it that you don't feel the same? Is that it?”
“No, it's just...I don't know, Rainbow. You have to understand, I've hated the idea of relationships for my entire life. This is way too much, too soon for me. You're different than other ponies, and that's why this is so goddamn hard!” I hate this. I knew this was going to happen. This is why I ignored the signs for so long. Please understand, Rainbow.
“I don't believe this. This is just dumb,” Rainbow grumbles. “I wish I hadn't said anything. I knew you wouldn't react well. Why did I think that this would ever work?”
“Stop that! What would have not telling me have done? That would have just made it harder on the both of us,” I snap, hating this situation and hating myself for feeling like this. If Rainbow had felt this way about anyone else, I'd have supported her...or I'm lying, because the thought of that pisses me off. Now I don't even know what the fuck I'm thinking.
“I guess,” Rainbow replies in a lackluster voice. Goddammit, I just need more time to think about this. This is a life changing decision that's just been tossed onto me without any warning. I can't just make a satisfying decision right now. I just wish she'd understand that. Hold on, why don't I just tell her that?
I heave a sigh and regard her seriously. “Look, I'm not saying it's not a possibility...”
“Are you sure about that? I distinctly remembering you saying just that, back in Canterlot a few months ago,” Rainbow grunts. What the...what is she...oh shit.
“You know, jokes like that only work if they lie even remotely in the realm of possibility. Since yours doesn't, I don't give a fuck what you say.”
This is probably the first time I've been hurt so much by something that I've said in the past. Rainbow said she didn't fall in love with me until the Royal Wedding, but if she remembered me saying something like that...no wonder she was so scared to tell me. That's entirely my fault.
“Don't do that. A lot has happened between then and now,” I respond after a pause. I can't believe I'm actually admitting that I'm considering it. If someone had told me that I would ever consider entering a relationship with a goddamn technicolor pony, I'd have laughed until I cried. “Let me say again. I'm not saying it's not a possibility. I just need time. Time to think. Okay? Can I get at least that much?”
“Do whatever you want, I guess,” Rainbow responds, equally as lackluster as before...and that fucking hurts. I almost want to cry right now, because this right here...this tense feeling I'm feeling between us. This is EXACTLY what I wanted to avoid. What am I going to do if our friendship is ruined because of this? I don't think I'd be able to live with myself.
“Thank you,” I tell her. With a grunt of pain, I push myself off of the ground and get to my feet. I can barely stand with how beaten up my body is. Just the act of standing up is extremely difficult. “Let's get out of here. There should be an elevator shaft in the back. I saw it from the cameras back in the lab. There shouldn't be a barrier now that Vanta's dead.”
“Okay. I can't fly, though. Are you sure we can get up?” Rainbow replies, lifting her only good wing. Okay, at least she's willing to work with me. I can tell that she's mad at me, though. As soon as I can get some time to myself, I have a lot to think about.
“I'll figure something out. Hopefully the thing still has power. Everything else down here has been maintained,” I promise her. “Then, the next thing we need to do is tell Celestia about this place. There's still Oppressed down here and...”
Just as I'm explaining, I feel the ground rumble beneath my feet. Rainbow feels it as well, and she looks around in shock. Adrenaline shoots through my body, my mind shooting to the worst case scenario. Is Vanta back? No, I don't hear any whispering. Then this means...oh fuck.
“I think my fight with Vanta destabilized this place!” I yell out as dust and rock start to trickle down from the ceiling. “We need to go. Now!”
“That sounds like a good idea,” Rainbow agrees, looking nervously up at the ceiling. With as much speed as I can muster, I make for the elevator shaft behind the altar where Vanta's true body used to be.
It's difficult going, but once we reach the shaft, I jam on the button to see if it works. I curse when nothing happens. “Dammit, it doesn't work!” I shout as the room shakes further. Chunks of rock start to fall from the ceiling, crashing into the ground and breaking to pieces. I curse and try to pry open the door. It budges slightly, but it gets too painful to do it on my own.
The door opens further, and I look down to see Rainbow, despite her pain, helping me out. With the two of us, we manage to get the door open long enough to slip inside the elevator car. The hatch is already open, much to our luck, so the two of us help one another through the hole. I look for the ladder , and once I spot it, I point it out to Rainbow. “Over there! There's our way out!”
I start up the ladder first...but my entire body screams in protest, and I can't even get past the first rung. “Agh...it hurts too much...” I huff, glaring at the ladder, and then at the elevator for not working. How the hell am I going to get out of here with Rainbow before the place comes down.
“I'll try flying up!” Rainbow declares, but I stop her by placing a hand on her back just as she's about to do so.
“Not with that wing you're not. You'll just make it worse. There has to be some way to...” I snap at her, but just as I'm trying to come up with a suggestion, I hear a metallic screeching and pounding from far above us. When I look up, I half expect to see something metal and deadly falling towards us, but instead...
“Come here, we're leaving!” My vision is filled by a light blue pegasus landing just in front of me, wearing his black overcoat as always. Am I hallucinating, or is that Gilded Skies?
Accompanying the airship captain are three more pegasi, two of whom are attending to Rainbow. Before I realize it, Gilded Skies hooks his two front hooves beneath on of my arms, while the last remaining pegasi does the same on my other side.
“Ow, fuck!” I cry out as the two of them lift me up into the air. Rainbow is being carried by the other two, though she's complaining. I don't know how, but the other ponies must have found a way down and come through. “Gilded, what are you doing here?”
“Saving your flank, what does it look like I'm doing here? Be grateful.” Gilded Skies snaps back as if it should have been obvious. With him and the other pony lifting me, it's not long before they take me through the door at the top of the shaft and into what looks like part of the science building. In front of the elevator doors is the remains of a wall, which tells me that this elevator wasn't meant to be found.
Through the wall, there's several other ponies waiting for us, the most notable of which being Commander Iron. The moment the soldier sees me in Gilded Skies's hooves, his eyes narrow and he ignites his horn, surrounding me in his magical aura. “I have Seth! Gilded Skies, take care of Miss Dash. The rest of you, pull out! This place is coming down!” Iron orders the other ponies.
With me in tow, Iron takes off at a gallop, putting as much distance between us and the elevator as possible. Trapped his magical aura, all I can do is hang there motionless in midair, zooming along behind him. I wonder how he and the others knew where to find us. That elevator had clearly been hidden.
Gilded Skies and the others follow behind us at a similar rate. I can see the foundations of the building rumbling, and it doesn't take very long for the first crack in the floor to appear. With a loud roaring, whole segments of the floor start crumbling away in a cascade of plaster and earth, cascading down into the destabilized room where I'd fought Vanta.
Even though there's certain death waiting for us if we were to slow down, I've experienced for myself how capable Iron is. This wouldn't be the first time I've entrusted my life to him, so I finally allow myself to fall into unconsciousness, the accumulation of injuries on my body finally catching up to me.
When I wake up, the first thing I notice is that I don't hurt anymore. Something is caressing my body in a light warmth that soothes me with every simple touch. I've felt this before, and because of that, I immediately know what's happening. I'm being healed. That kind of magic is pretty advanced, and I only know of three ponies that have done it. A simple analysis of the magic I'm feeling tells me exactly who's helping me. But what the hell is she doing here so soon?
I open my eyes, and sure enough, I see a gentle golden aura all over my body, cleansing my body of its wounds. The caster herself, her horn glowing, is sitting just beside the bed, smiling down at me in a motherly fashion. “You're a little earlier than I expected,” I remark, making her smile wider.
“I do my best to hold to a standard of punctuality,” Princess Celestia remarks. “But don't mind me. Your friends are here, worried sick about you.”
“My friends? As in plural?” I turn my head, and sure enough, there's a ton of ponies standing around me, each one looking both worried and relieved at the same time. What they hell are they all doing here? Actually, where am I, anyway? There's no beds like this at the camp.
“You all right, dude? You looked like you got hit with a train,” Vinyl comments from where she's standing on my left. I can't help but chuckle at that.
“Twice,” I correct her, causing her to laugh as well.
“Oh thank goodness, you're awake. You were such a mess,” Opal responds next. She's standing with Vinyl as well.
“What happened down there, Seth? Commander Iron told me you'd fallen, but that's all I knew until the whole camp started shaking!” Twilight exclaims anxiously. She's next to Celestia on my right, along with...
“This calls for an I-survived-the-creepy-school cupcake!” Pinkie proclaims, producing a ridiculous looking confection with the icing on top arranged in such a way that it looks like the Everfree Camp. My eyes bug out as she reaches for my mouth, but she's thankfully stopped by being hit lightly on the head with a newspaper, courtesy of...Rarity?
“Not just yet, Pinkie, darling. Give him some time to fully adjust. He's had a very trying time,” Rarity scolds the hyperactive pony, who doesn't look in the least bit ashamed. “How are you feeling, Seth?”
“What Vinyl said pretty much sums it up. But the better question is, what are all of you doing here?” I ask, looking around at all of the ponies that shouldn't be out here. Not only is Vinyl, Opal, Twilight, Pinkie, and Rarity here, but also Applejack, and Lyra. Rainbow is also here, but she's near the back of the room, looking recently healed herself. She only looked once to see that I was okay, but now she's not looking at me at all.
“Why wouldn't we be here? You're our friend!” Lyra reminds me, pushing her way past Vinyl so she can nuzzle my shoulder. “You keep getting yourself hurt. It's not very responsible.”
“No, what I meant is why you're here and not at...” I begin, but then it hits me when I see Nurse Redheart step into the room with a clipboard. “Am I in Ponyville?”
“That's correct. The medical facilities at the base camp weren't sufficient to handle your injuries, so you were moved to Ponyville until I could get here,” Celestia informs me with a smile. The glow from her horn dies down, and so does the magic surrounding me. Knowing what that means, I test out my limbs, feeling as good as new. And the magic inside of me...I can feel a depth to it that wasn't present before. Whatever that form was that I used in the ruins, it unlocked a hell of a lot more magic than I had before. I'm actually a little scared of it.
“We heard you were hurt, so here we are,” Applejack tacks on, giving me a smile. “Apple Bloom wanted ta come, but ah had her go ta school instead.”
“I see. What about the expedition? Shouldn't you be there at least, Opal?” I have so many questions to ask, because the last thing I remember is passing out while running from a fallen building.
“The expedition will be continuing of course, but in the wake of current events, excavations and study are on hold,” Opal reveals to me. “Whatever happened down in the basement levels where you fell, it had all of us terrified.”
“What do you mean?” I inquire curiously.
“Are you kidding? We were just sifting through the library when the entire place started to shake. We thought the whole place was coming down!” Vinyl relates. “One moment, it was fine, and then the next, it felt like somepony was hitting a giant bass drum over and over down there. What happened?”
“I find myself curious as well. I, along with my sister, set out for the Everfree the moment we felt not just one, but two individuals with levels of magical power equal to Chrysalis,” Celestia tells me. Huh, I didn't know she could sense us this far. Or maybe I shouldn't be surprised, because Luna mentioned that she sensed Celestia powering up from a whole country away. But really? I was as strong as Chrysalis then? Wow. “I could tell that one of them was you because of the large outflow of negative energy that I felt, but I'm not certain as to who the other might be.”
“It's a bit of a story. And it's really one that I should tell both you and your sister...and maybe Twilight...in private somewhere,” I inform her, much to the disappointment of the ponies I didn't name. Celestia quirks an eyebrow, hoping for more information. “It has to deal with Sombra. It's not good news.”
Celestia's curious expression freezes on her face, and then it slowly turns grim. She nods solemnly. “Very well. I understand. Then we'll save it for such a time. You sure you don't mind Twilight joining us? Whatever happened down there, it seems to be personal to you.”
I don't even question how Celestia knows that, because I should really just accept her mind reading perceptiveness by now. I glance over at Twilight, who is tactfully remaining silent, though I can tell she's so curious she can barely contain it.
“She might as well. She knows as much about Sombra as the rest of us do. As for how personal it is...well...that's not that big of a deal,” I say with difficulty, my promise to Vanta ringing in my mind. If I'm going to do as I said...then I shouldn't worry so much about Twilight screwing me over. My heart pounds, even as my mind screams at me that telling her anything more than she needs to know is a mistake, but this time, for the first time, I willfully ignore it.
My words cause Twilight to look at me in shock. Similar reactions are exhibited by the other ponies that weren't down there in the basement with me. “You really don't mind? Are you sure?” Twilight asks in surprise.
“No, I thought I'd say that just to fuck with you,” I respond sarcastically. Twilight ducks her head, but she's smiling with happiness that I'm actually willing to let her sit in on the conversation. “Yes, you can stay. Rainbow's coming as well. That's a given. She was down there with me, so I'm not saying a word unless she's there too.”
Rainbow looks up at that, but not for very long before she looks back at the ground again. Vinyl looks at Rainbow in surprise, noticing how differently she's acting. Then, Vinyl shoots me a sharp look. What the hell is that about?
“That's fine of course. I wouldn't dream of keeping her out,” Celestia assures me. She rises to her hooves. “Now then, I'll let you take some time to yourself. I need to return to the camp for a while and handle affairs there. Quite a lot of damage occurred during the cave-in, and Luna is already there.”
“All right. Thanks for that. I really need it,” I tell her gratefully. Celestia gives me one last smile, and then she heads for the door, passing Nurse Redheart along the way. Opal leaves ahead of her, giving me a reassuring smile before she leaves.
“I'll return tomorrow morning. Take today to rest and talk with your friends. Afterwards, depending on what you tell me, we may have our work cut out for us,” Celestia says in parting. Just before she leaves, she stops by Rainbow, and shocks her by craning her head down to nuzzle her. While I watch, Celestia whispers something in Rainbow's ear, and then she leaves the room. Rainbow follows her a second later, murmuring something about checking on the weather team. Okay, what the hell was that about? Don't tell me Celestia read this situation too...
“Okay, Mr. Seth, you are free to leave whenever you like,” Redheart announces once Celestia is gone. Just before she leaves as well, she gives me a wry smile. “I mean no offense, but I'd rather not see you in here like that again.”
“Trust me, I know,” I say with a chuckle. Redheart giggles as well, and then she too leaves. “Now then, I'll give the rest of you the short version. Basically there was a whole segment of the school down there where a really evil pony was living. He and I beat the shit out of each other, and that's why it felt like there was an earthquake going on.”
“I...I think you might actually be stronger than I am, if that was your magic that I sensed down there,” Twilight admits, looking both shocked and awed.
“Stronger than you, Twilight? But yer the Element o' Magic! How's that possible?” Applejack questions incredulously.
“Being the Element of Magic doesn't make me the strongest of all magic users, Applejack,” Twilight replies with that look on her face that suggests she's about to enter a lecture. I shake my head, biting back the smart comment and letting her do her thing.
“Really, are you all right?” Rarity asks me, stepping delicately past Applejack and Twilight. “I'm sure there's more to the story than you're willing to tell. Whatever happened down there must have been tough.”
“Yeah, I'm fine...mostly. I...have a lot to think about, to put it lightly,” I reply. Rarity blinks, and then looks at me oddly. I guess it's because I didn't say something sarcastic to her like I usually do.
“You seem...different somehow,” Rarity observes. I give a chuckle at that.
“Am I? Well, I guess that's a start. Now, thanks for your concern, but I really need that time to myself,” I return. I don't want to tell her what the real issue is, especially not in front of all these ponies. Between finding out that humanity is capable of true kindness, and then fucking up with Rainbow...one day of rest hardly seems like enough.
“Yeah, I need to get going myself. Now that I'm back in Ponyville, I need to get some gigs lined up. Unless you plan on going back, Seth,” Vinyl tacks on, looking at me curiously.
“If I have any say in the matter, I'm not going back to that school. But I may not have a choice,” I answer. What's likely is that Celestia and I are going to crush the remaining Oppressed down there. A lot of humans died there, and I only saw a fraction of them as Oppressed. Magic resistance or not, Celestia's going to turn them to dust. There's a difference between magic, and the power she wields.
“I hope you don't have to go back either. But I'll go with you if you do,” Vinyl responds. With that, she heads out the door. “I'll see you later.”
“I'm headed out too. Thank you for coming to see me,” I say to Twilight, Applejack, Lyra, Pinkie, and Rarity. That gets the rest of them to look at me with a little surprise. I realize that I just thanked them for coming here...when I've only ever just expressed annoyance whenever they've seen me in the hospital in the past. Yeah, well, seeing what I did down in the ruins has given me a bit of perspective on my own life.
“You're very welcome. Let me know if you need anything.” Rarity is the first to respond, tipping her head cordially, a bright smile on her face. With that, she too leaves the room.
“I'll be leaving too. By the way, I heard you got a piano,” Lyra says to me on her way out. I raise an eyebrow at that. “We should totally play something together. Especially if you practice that piece I gave you on Hearth's warming.”
“I've yet to practice it thanks to current events, but I'll get to it,” I promise her, earning a beam from her. I'm not lying either. I've been meaning to look at that piece, because it was beautiful when I hear her play it...even though she decided to flirt with me right after I pointed that out.
“I'll see you two later,” I tell Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie. I'm ready to be elsewhere. Once I see them acknowledge me, I leave the hospital room, and then the hospital itself.
The first thing I notice is that it looks like it's early morning. I have no way of knowing how long I was unconscious, because I don't know what time of day it was when Rainbow and I were rescued from the shaft.
Now that I think about it, we were really lucky Gilded Skies and Iron were there to save us. I was beaten half to death and couldn't climb, and Rainbow couldn't fly. We'd have been screwed in the cave-in. I'd like to know how they knew where to find us, especially if the elevator was hidden. But I guess that can wait.
I take to the air, flying through the waking streets of Ponyville. The fresh town air feels refreshing to me after a month in the forest. I wish I could enjoy the fact that I'm back in town after defeating a powerful enemy, but...my spirits are dampened by the events in the ruins. That's why I'm going home.
I manage to reach home without running into anypony I know, thankfully. I unlock the door and step inside, shutting it behind me. Once I'm safe in my room, I sit down on the edge of my bed and lean forward, resting my head in my hands.
First things first...I've made quite a bit of magical progress thanks to what happened in the ruins. Also, there's this.
I reach out a hand and summon Vanta's scythe, completely converted to the black crystal that seems to accompany all of my weapons. The haft lands in my palm and I clutch it tightly, feeling the balance. Part of me hates that I still have this, but on the other, I did use it to kill Vanta himself. I should probably learn how to wield it if I'm going to keep it. I don't think any ponies use scythes, so I guess the most I can do is practice with it so that I won't be flailing around randomly the next time I try to use it.
Not to mention...the edge looks lethal. With the way the blade is constructed, it looks like it's made to maximize the pain of the enemies it cuts. I say that because of the serrated edges and barbs on both the edge and the flat of the blade. If possible...I don't want to use this on a living creature. However, if I run into more Oppressed, it's fair game.
And then...my mind turns to the worst thing possible. Rainbow.
I sit there on my bed for hours, in the same position, thinking hard on what to do about Rainbow. I can't let this wait. One way or the other, I have to make a decision. If I put it off, then the both of us will suffer. I've hurt Rainbow enough. I don't need to make it worse by making her wait.
I care for that mare. I really do. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for her. I would die if she couldn't be in my life anymore. But can I really give her the kind of love she's looking for? I don't know how to love. Even with Amaryllis...I never really knew if it was love, or just lust. Love is fine, but lust is just plain horrible and disrespectful.
Letting out a growl, I slam my fist on to the bed again, as I have been every few minutes. I have so many conflicting feelings. More than once I envy the way I used to be, when I couldn't give less of a shit about people or ponies. Life was much easier that way, even if it wasn't nearly as fun. I wouldn't have to feel like shit because of somepony I hurt.
Listen to me. Me, Seth Rogers, admitting that I care about someone other than myself. I know that if this had happened back in my school, the other students would be laughing until they cried. But I'm just distracting myself. I don't know what to do. Either way, I lose something.
If I tell Rainbow that I'm not interested, I'm not sure our friendship will be the same after that. After being in love with me for that long, telling her no now would likely break her heart...and I'm not sure I can do that. I don't want to hurt her, and that's what makes this so hard.
If I tell her I am...she would be happy, but I'm not sure if that would be truthful. Then that could lead to tons of other problems further down the line that could be much much worse than just telling her I'm not interested. I guess the real question is...am I in...
Suddenly, there's a knock at my front door. I glance at the window, noticing that the sun is setting. Who the fuck is interrupting me now, when I clearly said that I want time to myself? I ignore it at first, but then the knocking comes again, twice as intense as before.
I groan and get to my feet. If this isn't urgent, I'm going to kick this pony's ass straight from here to the moon. The way I'm feeling right now, even the most basic of interactions might try my patience.
Walking down the stairs, I open the door, figuring that it'll just send whoever this is away and get back to thinking. I want to be able to give Rainbow a definitive answer after I speak to Celestia tomorrow, so I need as much time as possible.
“There we go. Thought you weren't going to answer.” To my surprise, Vinyl is the one here to see me. And she doesn't look that happy. That's odd, Vinyl rarely gets angry with me unless I stay something overly nasty to her.
“Oh. Hey. I don't suppose this can wait, can it?” I ask her hopefully. Vinyl's frown deepens, so I'm guessing that's not going to work.
“No, it really can't. I really need to talk to you. Like, right now,” she responds sharply. “As in...get out of my way so I can come in.”
“Sheesh, if you're gonna be that pushy about it, then fine,” I concede with a resigned annoyance and move aside. Vinyl makes her way inside and shuts the door behind her. She walks upstairs towards the living area, taking off her shades with magic in the process. I guess I'll let her say her piece and get back to thinking as quickly as possible. Even though I am a little bit curious as to what's got her so mad.
In the living area, Vinyl hops up on the couch and sets her shades on the tab. Once I've sat down across from her, she sighs and looks at me seriously.
“Okay, it's about time you tell me what the hell your deal is,” I say, cutting right to the heart of the issue right now. I'm in no mood to waste time by bandying small talk.
“No wasting time, huh? All right then. I guess I'll cut right to the chase,” Vinyl states. Hurry up and tell me already. I really don't want to deal with another issue other than the one I already have. “Did Rainbow tell you?”
“Did Rainbow tell me wha...” I start question, but then her true meaning hits me right in the middle of my sentence. “Oh. Ooohhhh.”
“That answers that question. Looks like you know exactly what I'm talking about,” Vinyl nodded in understanding, confirming that her suspicions were right. Shit, she came here to talk to me about the same issue that I'm dealing with.
“Yeah...I do. Am I like, the only one who didn't know?” I demand, a bit annoyed that even Vinyl knew before I did.
“Pretty much. Anypony who knows her that have seen her with you know how she feels about you. It's as plain as day,” Vinyl reveals to me with a bit of a wry expression. As plain as day. I must be pretty fucking stupid then. I didn't notice until Rarity said something, and even then I denied it until Rainbow actually said so herself. “But what the hay did you say to her? She didn't even speak to you in the hospital room, and that's not normal, knowing how tight you two are.”
“I...I'm not sure I should be telling you that,” I say uncomfortably. I don't even know my own thought process. How the hell can I explain it to Vinyl?
“I'm your friend, right? Look, the both of you have shut yourselves up in your houses for the entire day. Whatever you're doing to handle this, it's clearly not working,” Vinyl shoots back, clearly not putting up with any stubbornness on my part. “Help me understand here. From my point of view, my two best friends are acting like they hate one another, and I'm not going to just sit at home tuning my tables.”
“I don't know what you want me to say. While I was fighting one of the most vicious motherfuckers I've ever dealt with, Rainbow let slip her feelings...” I reveal to Vinyl, who nods and gestures for me to continue. “Then, after I won...she uh..well...oh god I shouldn't be talking to you about this. It's very recent to me. Besides, you've been making jokes for the past few months.”
“I'm not going to joke about this, Seth. This is important to me, and I'm not going to make fun of the things you say. Especially not now. I need to know what you said to Rainbow,” Vinyl assures me vehemently. She's right. Come to think of it, I've never really seen her this serious about something.
“I told her I wasn't sure if I could give her what she wanted,” I admit, deciding to omit the kiss entirely. That's not her business. “Not to mention, she's a pony. Do you know how wrong it would be considered back in my time for something like this to happen?”
Vinyl gazes at me incredulously for a few seconds, and then she facehoofs with both hooves, groaning. “Oh, dear Celestia, you are such an idiot,” Vinyl scolds me, rubbing her face as if she has a headache.
“Pardon?” I ask, wondering if I heard right. Did she just call me an idiot?
“You heard me. You are just so stupid. You're telling me you told her no because you cared about what some long gone guys might think!?” Vinyl demands angrily. Holy shit, now she's really mad. “They're gone, so it doesn't matter what they think!”
“That's not the point! I've grown up my entire life having those ideas drummed into my head!” I snap back at her.
“You're Seth! You don't care what other guys think! Why are you letting their views on romance get in your way? Having a relationship with a pony isn't going to kill you, you know!” Vinyl points out to me, getting up from the couch and walking right up to me. “It seems more to me like you're afraid!”
“Afraid of what, exactly!?” Now it's my turn to get to my feet so that I tower over her. Being yelled at like this always raises my ire, so now I'm yelling back. “Come on, tell me!”
“Of commitment! Of love! Instead of admitting that to yourself, you're just making excuses!” Vinyl says boldly...and her words cut right through me. I have to sit down at that...a cold sinking feeling burdening my heart. Is she right? Am I really just afraid to be in a relationship with Rainbow? “So why don't you tell me the real reason you told Rainbow no?”
I sit there in silence, piecing the words together in my mind. If we're already this far into the conversation...perhaps I should trust Vinyl. Maybe she can help me make some sense of what I'm feeling. It's not like I was making any progress on my own.
“I'm not sure I love her, Vinyl. I don't even know if I can love. I don't know what it feels like,” I confess haltingly. “What if I'd told her yes, and then it turned out that I didn't really love her? That would be a cruel thing to do to her.”
“That's much better,” Vinyl responds. She doesn't look like she approves; instead she displays a calm acceptance on her face. “This we can work with.”
“There's more than that too. There was another girl I cared for, back in my time.” I can't believe I'm about to tell her this. But, if I do tell her...then maybe she'll understand. Vinyl's eyes widen upon hearing that. “Except I didn't even know if I really loved her then, either. I didn't know if what I was feeling was truly love, or just lust. I didn't believe there was a difference.”
“Of course there's a difference. There's a huge difference,” Vinyl corrects me, looking stern. “This girl you mentioned. When you were around her, did you ever think about her like you wanted to have sex with her?”
“What? Hell no. I never thought about Amaryllis like that. I mean, she was beautiful yes, but I wouldn't just...that's just disrespectful. She was a living, thinking individual, not some kind of sex object!” I deny indignantly, angry that Vinyl would even ask a question like that.
That answer seems to please Vinyl, to the point where she smiles in relief. “Another question then. What did you think when you were around her?”
“That's...a difficult question,” I tell her truthfully, because my thoughts were usually a jumble. Not to mention, I'm still feeling a little hesitant about sharing some of my most personal secrets with Vinyl. But she seems to have some kind of point to make...so I extend a little more trust to her. “Most of the time, whenever I was with her, I would be having so much fun, all I could think about was how I wish it would never end. That I could stay with her all the time and keep her smiling, even if it didn't really benefit me.”
“And that, my clueless friend,” Vinyl states, beaming at my response. Then she slaps the table with her hoof. “...is love.”
“What? That's it? That's really all it is?” I ask incredulously. There's no fucking way it's that simple.
“That's really it! It's not some impossible to understand thing like you make it out to be,” Vinyl assures me. I look down at my hands in disbelief.
“But what about sex? Every time I hear about love, sex is always a goddamn factor. And that always makes me sick,” I demand, wanting to hear Vinyl's explanation for this.
Vinyl heaves a sigh. “Well, on that, it depends on the couple. But here's my opinion. True relationships don't need it to stay happy. But sex has the possibility to make a true relationship even better than it already it is,” she explains. Okay, I think I get what she's trying to say, but that doesn't explain why all I ever heard about in my time was sex and not love. “In other words, you don't need to have sex with somepony to love them.”
“I see...” I reply faintly. This conversation suddenly reminds me of that conversation I had with Chrysalis, way back during the Royal Wedding. A guard, under the influence of a truth spell, swore that even if he couldn't have sex with his wife, he wouldn't ever leave her.
“Now, here's my final question,” Vinyl presses on. “I want you to remember how you felt with this last girl you loved. Now think hard, and then ask yourself: do you love Rainbow?”
That question takes me by surprise. But, thanks to Vinyl's help, I can think about this much more clearly. Do my feelings towards Rainbow feel like my feelings towards Amaryllis?
I know one thing for sure. I can't picture myself living in this world without Rainbow now. I don't want to. I've told myself hundreds of times that she's essentially my reason for living. And I don't ever want her to go away. I want her to stay right by my side, with that stupid grin, her ridiculous mane, and that incredibly high ego.
With all of this in mind, thanks to what Vinyl said...it's so much easier to come to a decision. Like Vinyl said, who the fuck cares that she's a pony? Everyone that would judge me for it is dead, and I guess it's really what's on the inside that matters.
“I...I think I do,” I admit. Vinyl grins widely, and she claps me on the shoulder, pleased. “But...one more thing. I loved Amaryllis a lot. If I suddenly got together with Rainbow now, wouldn't I be betraying her?”
“Honestly, I can't speak for this girl. But...if she cared about you as much as you cared about her, then I think she would want you to be happy,” Vinyl assures me. Would she? I find it hard to picture Amaryllis with feelings like that...but I guess in the end it doesn't matter. I love you, Amaryllis, but I can't hang onto you forever.
“All right,” I say, and then I get to my feet. “In that case, I have someplace to be.”
“Darn right you do. You go up there and you talk to Rainbow,” Vinyl agrees enthusiastically. She starts pushing me towards the stairs with her head. “Then you come down here and buy me some cider, because you're so clueless I had to walk you through this.”
“All right, quit pushing, I'm going. Thanks, Vinyl,” I say sincerely.
“Don't mention it. That's what friends are for. Now stop talking to me and go!” Vinyl calls after me as I dash for the door, figuring that Vinyl will show herself out.
Goddamn, I really made a huge fucking mistake, didn't I?
Welp, this chapter needed to be done. I had to deal with Seth's obliviousness at some point, and Vinyl seemed like the perfect pony to do that with.
Now then, in just a few chapters, I'll be ready to start the last and final arc of the story. I can't wait, because I have so many curveballs to throw your way. 
Anyhow, you know the drill. Toss me dem comments so I can know how I did!
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She gonna jack my booze!! D:
Too bad is coming the final arc... It's a good story
Wow.....you Write fast, I literally just finished the last chapter, wow. (Or I'm just slow on timing)
Anyways, I believe this was a pretty good chapter, not the best, excuse me for saying so, but, pretty well done.
Let me explain: I feel a little unsatisfied, I just feel like there could be a little more emotion when vinyl makes seth realize that he was (and is) in love. I don't know, I'm an amateur critic. But, in all sense pretty well written.
Catch you next time, bro.
/)*(\
The ScapeGoat
On an unrelated subject...
Why do I have the growing suspicion that Amaryllis is going to show up at some point, followed by Seth agonizing (again) and choosing RD in the end?
i find myself agreeing with ScapeGoat. this was a remarkably written chapter that did further along the unintended romance plot line. but it could have had a bit more emotion at that scene maybe.
other than that the rest was great. the ponies reacted as they should have, future plot revealed for the coming chapter and chapters, and moved seth to a refreshing scene for a moment.
...OH WAIT, VINYL IS GOING TO SEE WHAT IS IN THE CLOSET!!
Well finally! Now we just need Equestria's first Human/Pony marriage and then.. BABIES!
I'm still convinced that ponies are descended from humans. And yes I know exactly how insane that sounds.
Eh, honestly, I'm not into it. Angsty dude was the main selling point of this story, and I feel he's becoming a bit too buddy buddy. We need a twist soon :P
5534788 Its called character development. And by this chapter the angst was just starting to get annoying. After nearly freaking 600k words I sure hope something changes.
I don't fucking know what to say any more *bangs head on wall*
Well, this was an interesting chapter.
*sigh*, after the end of last chapter, I kind of expected this. All the arguments and rationale he had before now wasn't just going to go away in an instant. The care he has for Rainbow is genuine, but having no experience beyond Amaryllis (which is made worse that he never attempted anything with her) and his issues with interspecies romance, this whole situation is moving too fast for him. I don't think he handled the situation well, nor elaborated to Rainbow correctly, but you can tell he truly didn't want to hurt her. Unfortunately he did a bit. It could have gone far worse, but it's obvious that Rainbow feels she took a chance and wrecked everything.
Before the issue can be discussed further, the place starts to collapse and they get the fuck out of there. I'm not sure how much damage actually occurred on the escape, as the underground would likely take out a significant amount of the structure, yet Opal later says in the hospital that the ruins are intact but restricted now until the situation with Sombra and the Oppressed gets sorted. I'm guessing that at least the first building survived, and possibly some of the second, though the majority likely collapsed. Either way, those Oppressed are clever bastards and likely aren't dead down there. Hopefully no giant ones left. Seth waking up in the hospital was an interesting scene. Rainbow was there but still obviously very disheartened about the situation. Seth seems to stick to his promise to Rainbow and his vow to Vanta though and attempts to be nicer to the ponies who see themselves as his friends. Not sure if he actually thinks of them as friends, but he may at least be more open to the idea now, and he'll be less of a dick to them (within reason though, this is still Seth after all). I figured that Seth was obviously stronger then Twilight at this point, and Celestia just confirmed he was at least equal to Chrysalis. Hopefully come round 2, he can kick her green ass for all the trouble in Canterlot.
Finally we have Seth returning home for some soul searching to find the answer about his feelings for Rainbow. I like that it was Vinyl that came to give him a good verbal slap to get him thinking again and sort his issues. Vinyl has joked about this for months now, but seeing her straight and serious to make sure her best friends are ok really steps her up as a character. She always played more comic relief or side support, but this time she really helped push him through his issues and help him discover that he does love Rainbow. He finally decides to put Amaryllis to bed and accept how much he loves Rainbow and wants to be with her.
Seth likely still has some internal things to sort through before he can see completely passed the species barrier, but it looks like now things between the two can finally go to the next level.
I really hope things work out ok for them next chapter. After everything they've been through, I really hope they can be happy together (and finds a means to shut Rarity up once she finds out and starts high pitched squealing everywhere)
Ctrl+f last chapter for "righ t". Search for 2 misspells this chapter one was of "thanks", forgot what they were sorry...
[mobile]
5534868 I understand that character development is needed, but I don't want this story to turn out like most other HIE stories. How long until the he marries RD and is declared an honorary prince of Equestria? He already has the dark powers and angsty backstory typical of a dark-alicorn type character. Is he going to turn into a pony to solve ALL the problems?
I'm just saying that I've read tons and tons of HIE, and I'm just hoping this doesn't end like the others. I can think of several ways he could spice up the story, but on it's current path I'm just...not into it.
5536755
All right, time I add my two bits to this. On one hand, I will say that the purpose of this story was to turn Seth into a better person through the interaction with the ponies we all know and love. Those who've protested against him developing I've tended to ignore, but it seems like your issue is less about that and more about if my story will end up like the others you've read.
I've read a lot of HiEs, and there are a lot of bad ones. It's partially because of that that I chose to write an HiE, one that wouldn't be like the others. This current romance wasn't intended, but it does help me complete Seth's development, so that he is fully emotionally prepared for the last and final arc of this story. I apologize if romance isn't your thing, but I felt that it would be a disservice to my readers if I didn't include it now that it's gone this far.
And, on one last point, even though I'm certain you were generalizing, I won't just hand Seth Equestria, nor will I make him a pony. Everything Seth has, he has worked to gain.
5536974 I've had no gripe with the development, and I've actually loved the story thus far, but I've just gotten tired of stories that end with such scenarios. The romance itself isn't what has put me off of the story, but rather his series of successes. Unlocking new powers and defeating bosses is fairly standard, but he hasn't lost much for it. I just feel as though something more needs to happen.
Also, even if he works for it, I really hope he doesn't end up with a kingdom or something similar.
That being said, I read your whole story in a couple of days, I couldn't stay away from it. Keep up the good work!
5537055
Ah, well if that's the case, then that makes me happy
But, to point something out, Seth has actually never won a battle in the entire story except for the Scorpios, and that wasn't really him. Vanta was supposed to be the first victory he's ever attained, though I can certainly see what you mean about suddenly gaining immense power. Then again, I never really explained why he got magic in the first place either.
The last arc of the story will tie all of these loose ends. I can PROMISE you that Seth will not get anything that he hasn't worked for. A kingdom? Certainly not. Over the course of my story, I may change the course of canon, but it will always come back to the same place in the end.
Anyway, thanks for letting me know your concerns. It's always nice to see things from the perspective of a reader.
5537075 Heh, that's good to hear! I'm looking forward to it.
And I love hearing from authors. I have immense respect for those who can write, even if sometimes I gripe. I can't write myself, so I read tons.
Well, have a good day.
I can't wait for the next chapter! I really hope after all Seth's been through that he ends up with Rainbow.
5536650
ok to be honest, to me they're fascinating, and funny. Numbah uno is............. I dream of Luna, it's a harem book I don't think you'd like it, buuuuuut, it is so freaking hilarious. Although, I'm an amateur, so I dunno, but read it as you will. If you want.
2nd, you might know this one, it's on the "similar" list at the end of chapter 82, A thief on the rise! That's kinda how I found this one, kinda. It is awesome. All about thieving, killing changelings, and a misunderstood hero, did I mention discord? See, it's kinda like a videogame, primary missions ( find and exterminate changelings in the most subtle or chaotic way possible), secondary missions ( steal), discord is your boss, and supplies you with ammo, a library of magic, an-
Ok, that was overkill, so to recap, #1: I Dream Of Luna, funny 2nd person harem with human (you) (duh) and #2: A Thief on the Rise, dark, cool, assassins, thieves, and magic.
Errr....sorry for the overkill.
I can practically hear the song kiss the girl right now...I'm saving it for the next chapter.
The ship has sailed!
And.... It's gone..
And it's back again!
SIgh, I approve of hIm beIng wIllIng to try the relatIonshIp out, but I was hopIng that vInyl would say somethIng lIke datIng Is all about fIndIng out If you love a person. Most people dont love.eachother and then start datIng.
There's still one other misspell, but I don't have time to re-read the whole chapter right now :<
"You're a little earlier than I expected," A princess is never early, or late. She arrives precisely when she means to.
Holy shit this chapter is so cliché it hurts.
6241784 yeah but its the good kind
5545422 wow beat me to it well done you win a free haunting....have fun
Well that scene with DJ (Yes, that is my nickname for Vinyl. Shut up) was, um, unique. Never seen anybody do it like that before
Please note, unique is NOT bad.
How quickly were you guys at seeing love for Seth from Rainbow because I only noticed a few chapters before the interaction between Rarity and Rainbow like did anyone notice right away or what