65. Negotiations
Once again, Rainbow and I do the dumb thing and eat too many sweets, when we really should be having a healthy and nutritious breakfast. I'll probably go right back to being healthy right after this, so I don't think it's worth complaining about one night of having nothing but dessert. Heh. Remember those old food pyramids that used to say “eat sparingly” next to dessert? Neither do I.
We know we won't be able to see the chariot that's supposed to be coming to pick me up fro inside the house, so Rainbow and I actually eat breakfast out on the path just outside the front door. I don't tell her, but I also think that giant rainbow that pours off of her house like a mystical waterfall is pretty cool. It's pretty nice looking at it while eating a bunch of overly sweet confections.
“So this was totally awesome,” Rainbow remarked, probably referring to the hang-out in general. “Especially because we did it here. Fluttershy's the only other pony that comes up here, and that isn't often.”
“Why, is she scared of heights?” I snort insensitively.
“No, but she might as well be. She's a pretty weak flier, so it's not easy to get her off the ground,” Rainbow explained. She finishes the brownie that's in her hoof, and then she flops down on her stomach, sighing in comfort. “So nopony really sees my house all that much.”
“So it's like, what's the point of going to all that effort, if nopony's going to see it?” I complete for her without really thinking about it. There's a silence. I give a start and look over to notice that Rainbow is looking at me in surprise.
“Yeah, that's exactly what I'm feeling. How did you know that?” Rainbow demands. Huh...well, I didn't expect to be so on the mark. I was just saying what I was thinking.
“I have a mini Celestia on my shoulder,” I respond sarcastically. Rainbow blinks, and then hilariously enough, she tries to check. I push her muzzle away. “Don't actually check, I was being sarcastic, you idiot. And don't nip at me!”
“Then keep your hands away from my face,” Rainbow retorts, maturely blowing a raspberry at me. “No, seriously though, how did you know?”
“Because I know the feeling. Or I did. You know I play the piano, right?” I remind her. When Rainbow nods, I continue. “That shit's hard. And I hated everybody too much to bother playing for them. So what was the point?”
“Yeah, that's exactly what I felt! Minus the hating everypony part,” Rainbow agrees with a grin. She tilted her head curiously. “What made you decide to keep playing?”
“I stopped caring,” I answer simply. That really was how it happened. I think at one point I heard a really good song and it made me want to play for myself. “Simple as that.”
“Wow, and here I was expecting something deep. Shows what I know,” Rainbow remarks wryly. I shrug. Sorry if that's not deep enough for you. “Wait, didn't you ever play for Amaryllis?”
“No, I didn't,” I respond with an edge in my voice. Rainbow winces, realizing that she must have said something wrong. “She died before I could.”
“Shoot, sorry. Should have kept my stupid mouth shut,” Rainbow berates herself, facehoofing at her lack of tact. I sigh and rest my head on my fist. I regret not being able to play for Amaryllis, or tell her how I felt about her. Knowing that I never will be able to sits in my chest like a heavy weight, like a dull ache that won't go away. Dammit Rainbow. Rainbow notices the mood change, so she shifts closer to me so that she's pressing up against my side again. “Still though, this was a lot a fun. We should totally do again sometime.”
“That's a given. I'm staying in Ponyville for the rest of my life, probably, so damn right we're gonna be hanging,” I told her as if it should have been obvious. I look down at what she's doing. She's up against my side again, only this time it's more obvious because we're both sitting down. I feel like calling her out on it, but it's not really that big of a deal. Just equine instinct, I suppose. It would be like asking why mothers took care of their children.
“Aw yeah!” Rainbow exults, thrusting a hoof in the air. Right after she does that, something in the distance catches my eye. A small dot appears from the midst of a cloud bank in the distance, slowly growing larger as it approached us. Rainbow appears to have noticed as well. “You see that?”
“Yeah, looks like my ride is here,” I declare. With a grunt, I get to my feet. They're coming just in time, because any later and I'd have to use another cloud spell. With that declaration the two of us approach the edge of the cloud together.
The chariot heading for us looks like the one Celestia used to come visit me the first time, if a bit less extravagant. It's being pulled by four royal guards, none of which I recognize. Of course, the only guards I know are the upper level ones, and they are probably much too busy with their own shit to escort some human, even if said human fought alongside them at one point.
Rainbow and I watch as the the chariot soars past us and lands on the path with a clattering of wheels against brick. Um...cloud-brick. Fucking magic.
Once the chariot orients itself to face back the way it came, one of the pegasus guards approaches us and bows. “Greetings, Mr. Rogers and Ms. Dash. I am Crescent Spear,” he says to us in an overly stiff and official manner. Great. If they're all like this, I'm going to be totally bored for the time I'm in this thing. “We've come to offer you transport, Mr. Rogers.”
“Gee, I couldn't tell by the giant fucking chariot you brought with you,” is literally the first words out of my mouth to the guy. Next to me, Rainbow rests her face in her hooves, this time at my complete lack of tact. Crescent appears taken off guard by my totally informal address. I don't think he's ever had to deal with me before. Lucky him.
“Um...right. Sorry. I'm just...” the poor stallion stammers. Hah, and this guy's a guard? Seems way to easy to fuck with him for that to be the case. Crescent dips his head and returns to the other guards, hitching himself back in in preparation for the flight home. “We're...ready to go when you are.”
“Seth...” Rainbow turns to me with a scolding expression. Of course, I'm too busy snickering to myself to care.
“Shut up, it's fine,” I cut across her. The chariot's already here, so I'm wasting time the longer I stand here. “Anyway, I'm going to leave now. I'll be back soon.”
“Fine. I guess I should go find Cloud Chaser and take my spot back,” Rainbow determines, opening her wings. “See ya when ya get back!”
“Right. You do that. Do try not to blow away the town before I get home.” Now that the farewells are out of the way, I hop off of the cloud and into the chariot, the small structure shaking under my sudden weight. Not that I'm worried. If this thing can handle Celestia's weight, it can definitely handle mine. “Get moving already. Time's wasting.”
After one last wave from Rainbow, the guards start running, pulling the chariot behind them. It's nothing really special until we reach the end of the cloud, when the pegasi leap into the air. The chariot lurches up into the air as well, causing that feeling of falling to form in my stomach for a few seconds. Did I mention I hate that feeling?
It's a good thing this chariot has a high back. The momentum from our flight forward constantly pushes me against the back of my seat...and it's far from comfortable. Seriously, I wish I could just fly there. Canterlot isn't that far away.
Seriously though, I should probably be back by later today, hopefully with a shitload of bits.
There's not really much to talk about until after we reach Canterlot. I must say, it's rather cool to approach the city from this angle, as opposed to approaching by train. We end up bypassing the main city entirely in favor of the castle itself. There's a small runway, for lack of a better word, next to one of the tower's main spires. The pegasi carrying this chariot angle themselves for that.
It's not long before we touch down there. It's a rather rough landing from my perspective, because unless you have a lot more runway than this, you're not landing a chariot smoothly. It's enough to irritate me though, especially because I could have just flown here.
There's several other guards on the runway waiting for us. Some of them look like they're just guarding the entrance, while two of them look like they've been waiting for us specifically. I don't see Celestia or Luna...so I guess they're keeping me waiting. No clue what time it is, but it seems like early afternoon, so maybe Celestia is still in Day Court or whatever. I wonder if the council ever implemented countermeasures for the last time she got away from them? Probably not, because they know exactly who they'd be fucking with.
“Welcome, Mr. Rogers,” one of the guards calls to me from the ground. It's a mare speaking, and her voice is somewhat familiar. Though I can't exactly place it. For some reason, her voice pisses me off, as if we'd had an argument in the past. Was there any female guards I argued with? Wait...hold on a minute.
“Swift?” I ask in surprise, as I haven't seen her for months. In fact, seeing as she's here, that means she didn't fall in the battle against the changelings. She's a bitch, as far as I remember, but better that she's a live bitch.
Swift Lance looked somewhat surprised, though I can't see all of her face because of the helmet she's wearing. I guess she didn't expect me to remember her. “I'm surprised you remember who I am,” Swift responds. Well, that answers that question. She trots to meet me as I jump down from the chariot, not looking as pissed off as I thought she would be. We didn't exactly part on the nicest of terms.
“I'm not generally a forgetful guy. I would ask how you remember me, but I believe that's obvious, considering,” I joke, then I mentally berate myself. Swift's a bitch, there's no way she's going to laugh from tha...a chuckle emits from the mare, causing me to drop my grinning face and replace it with a totally dumbfounded one. “Did you just laugh?”
Swift blinks at my question, perplexed. “It was funny. Why does that come as a shock to you?” she asks defensively. Why is she acting so different than what she did the first time we met? She'd been so stuck up, asking me to call her by her title and nothing else. Might as well be direct.
“Because you were a total bitch the last time we met,” I remind her. Understanding dawns in her face, resulting in a facehoof from her, along with what sounds like a rueful sigh. Behind her, the other guard that had been standing with her snickers behind a hoof, for whatever reason. I feel like I'm missing something.
“Yes well...I'm not talking about that out here in front of these other guards,” Swift reminds me. A moment later, she smacked herself with a hoof in a comical manner, before returning her expression to a professional one. “I've been instructed to lead you to a waiting room while Princess Celestia handles the remaining hour of Day Court.”
“I figured it would be Day Court. Dunno how she puts up with all that bullshit,” I complain, still totally confused by Swift's apparent about face in her attitude towards me. Hopefully I can get her to explain that shit once we get to a place where it's just us two.
“It's not...Day Court is very important. The citizenry needs to know that their needs are being heard!” Swift responds self righteously. Nope, it's still there. She's hiding it better, but she's still super uptight about things that don't really concern her. I wonder if I should mention Celestia without her title and see if she has an aneurism. Before I can do so, Swift beckons to me with a hoof, and then she leads me off of the runway and down a set of stairs, until we're in one of the castle hallways.
“Right, whatever. Should I tell you about the time she played hooky?” I quip in return. Swift's head turns to look at me so fast I wonder how she didn't give herself whiplash.
“She did what!?” Swift exclaims, and my response is to laugh. Her face right now. I bet the idea that Celestia does her own thing sometimes is unreal to her. “You're lying!”
“I'm totally not. Hearth's Warming Day, she totally ditched Day Court to come hang with me. Problem?” I assure her. Swift's jaw falls open, which just gets me to laugh harder. As soon as I compose myself, I figure it's about time to ask. We're mostly alone, after all.“Anyway, we're on our own. Mind telling me what changed between now and back then?”
Swift looks embarrassed, coughing nervously as she starts to reply. “Well, I'd just gotten promoted, so I was a bit full of myself.” Huh, I hadn't expected her to admit to something like that. “Though I still don't like how you don't respect the princesses.”
“That's where you're wrong. I may not have respected them then, but now...that's different. I still don't bother with titles, because titles are stupid, but I respect their power and the decisions they make,” I correct her. I'm not sure why I'm bothering to explain this. I guess it's just something to bridge the gap between now and when I see Celestia. “Though I'm interested why you stopped being full of yourself.”
“Well...the royal wedding happened,” Swift admits. Well...shit. That would do it. I have no idea where she was during the whole thing. She might have been slimed. Or maybe I'd been fighting with her the whole time and didn't even know it. “Being a sergeant wasn't worth anything. I was just another soldier fighting for my life.”
“That would do it. Man, fuck that entire situation,” I agree. That was just one giant mess for everyone involved, myself especially. Swift nods her head wryly. “Where were you in all of that?”
“I got slimed pretty early on,” Swift admits ruefully. Yeah, that must have sucked. “Captain Blades found me soon after the battle started, so then I joined him and the rest of the Second Regiment in a resistance movement.”
“Ah, so you were with the other group. I was with Iron and the First Regiment...though half of them were changelings in disguise,” I related. You know, I like this new Swift better. She's much less of a little bitch.
“That happened to us too. They'd infiltrated our ranks at some point and revealed themselves in tandem with a massive exterior assault. If two of the Elements of Harmony hadn't shown up, we'd likely have fallen there,” Swift reveals. Two Elements...oh. Rarity and Pinkie Pie. Except only one of those can really fight, and it's not the unicorn. Go figure. Don't mind Pinkie, she'll just pull out a fucking streamer cannon from nowhere. Suddenly, Swift looks at me oddly. “You know, you're a lot more mellow than I remember.”
“What the...I am not mellow,” I retort, hating the way that word sounds. “I'm just not inclined to be an ass right now. Unless you do something to piss me off.”
“I'll keep that in mind,” Swift responds wryly, just as we reach a familiar room. Hey, it's the room just outside the garden, where I met Cadance for the first time. It had been Elegant that led me here last time. “Here we are. I have to leave you here though, as my post awaits. It's good to know that you're not as much of a waste of space as I thought you were.”
“Hey, fuck you too, Swift,” I shoot back, though I'm about as serious as she was. Which is to say, not at all. Swift gives a laugh at my response, and then she leaves the room. So I'm now alone in this sitting room for who knows how long. Celestia could be in Day Court for a while. Maybe I should go back into the garden again.
In the end, I remain in the sitting room, reading through some of my old texts on my phone, for nostalgia's sake It makes me feel like shit, while at the same time I can't help but smile. Of course, since I've never deleted any of my texts ever, that's more than enough to keep myself busy for an hour.
I can feel Celestia coming before I see her, as always. She doesn't bother to hide her ambient magical aura, after all. Soon enough, she opens the door opposite me with her magic and walks through it. She looks as regal as ever, if a bit more than normal because she just came from Day Court.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, Seth,” Celestia greets me. Once she reaches me, she reaches her head forward and nuzzles my cheek, to both my surprise and annoyance. Her next words are spoken in my ear because of her positioning. “It's good to see you.”
“Ugh, do you have to do that?” I complain once she retreats. Celestia giggles at the way I'm rubbing my cheek awkwardly.
“Why, does it make you uncomfortable?” Celestia teases me with a giggle. Wow, and this is how we're going to start off the meeting.
“Goddammit, Celestia,” I groan, rubbing my forehead. Celestia finds this even more amusing, as she's giggling at my expense. “Did you call me here so that you could troll me?”
Celestia composes herself quickly at that question, her smile being replaced by a pensive, serious expression. “No, I was just having a bit of fun before we got down to business. I called you here to discuss your offer,” she reminds me. All right, now it's time to get this discussion underway. I'm gonna try to get as much out of her for this information as possible. “Should you decide to give me this information, it would be quite the undertaking for our science and archaeological departments. Therefore it's too complicated to discuss through quill and paper.”
“Right, that makes sense. Especially since if you send a team there, I'm going too,” I state plainly. I want to make that clear to her early on. “The whole reason I'm even giving you this information is so that I can go back there with help.”
Celestia gazes at me passively for a moment, as if she's trying to gauge my motives. Then, her eyes soften. Wait, what the hell is that look for? “Is it because you want to come to terms with old memories?” Celestia asks. And...fucking Celestia does it again. I sent her one letter and spoke with her for less than five minutes, and she's already figured out why I'm going back.
“You really need to stop doing that. Being over a thousand years old shouldn't give you mind hacking powers,” I grumble. This time Celestia doesn't laugh, being as serious as before. “How did you figure it out this time?”
“It was just a guess. You told us before that you were a student, and according to your letter, part of your school is still intact,” Celestia explains, laying out the facts that she used to make her guess. “Now you are telling me that you planned to go back, with or without my help.”
“It's crazy how you remember the smallest details like that and use them to read minds,” I comment. One of these days I have to see how she handles Day Court. With all the snooty nobles around, I feel like I'd get a kick out of it. “Anyway, back on topic.”
“Indeed. The first thing that must be addressed is the price that you have in mind. Once that's out of the way, we can focus on logistics,” Celestia reasons. Yes, I suppose she's right. She can't even begin to start laying down groundwork without actually knowing where she'd be sending her ponies. “Which leads me to ask: exactly what are you looking to gain from this exchange?”
“Bits. I'm poor as hell, and I'm tired of paying for things, knowing that if I do, it sets me that much further away from getting my own house,” I respond flatly. It's true. Just paying my rent slows me down considerably, and that's not counting meals or the things Rainbow wants me to do with her.
“I see,” Celestia muses, her expression unchanging. Because of that, I can't read how she feels about that. “Because you didn't state an amount, can I assume you're willing to negotiate?”
“I said as much in the letter, idiot,” I remind her. “But also, I didn't state an amount because I don't know how much this is worth to you.”
“I'm going to be straight with you,” Celestia says seriously. “This is essentially a business transaction, all things considered. As any discoveries there could effect the development of ponykind,I have to act in an official manner, despite any affection I may hold for you.”
“Right...and how does that change anything?” I ask curiously. I know this won't be your average conversation, because I doubt Celestia's just going to shower me with bits just because I ask. Besides, what affection is she talking about anyway? She should still be pretty pissed at me because of the whole betraying her to Chrysalis thing.
“In the end, I have to ensure that the information you give us makes us a profit. As it stands, there are significant costs to offset. Some of these costs include buying equipment, hiring workers, and acquiring specialists. This is all in addition to the cost of gaining the information from you,” Celestia explains to me. All of this makes sense, of course. Sending out an expedition isn't free, and no one is going to pay for something that's not going to turn a profit. “Therefore I can't just give you an arbitrary sum of bits. Can you tell me more about the site? It would help in determining how much the site is worth.”
“Makes sense. I can tell you that it's massive. Most of it is buried, but I've memorized the location of every building in my head,” I reveal to her. Let's see, what else do I remember from that place? There was a working console, but I wrecked it. Rather regretting that now. “There's a lot of electrical infrastructure still around. Lots of old computers and a mostly intact building lay out. Not sure how intact the other places are.”
“Hm...if there's a lot of electricity-based structures, I may be able to give you a decent amount of bits,” Celestia decides, much to my delight. “As you can imagine, electricity is highly valued amongst our society. It allows all ponies to have the same luxuries as those that can use magic.”
“I figured as much. So how many bits are you thinking?” I ask, crossing my arms. This is it. If she gives me a price I'm good with, we can get down to business.
“Hm...let's say I gave you an indeterminate amount of bits,” Celestia inquires after thinking for a moment. “What would you do with them?”
“Easy. First, buy a house in Ponyville and get situated, spend some for myself, and then save the rest. I don't think I'd stop working, though I may knock down the amount of hours I do work,” I answer decisively, because these are the goals I've had for a long time. But making money by working on a farm is slow and hard work.
“I see. Not a bad plan,” Celestia compliments me with a nod of her head. I shrug as a response. “Here is my offer for you: What if I bought you a house in Ponyville, furnished it for you, and then gave you a sum of thirty thousand bits?”
“What? Thirty thousand only?” I demand, shocked. That's still way more than I have right now, but...I was under the impression that electronics were worth a lot of money. “You're kidding, right? Rainbow told me I could get millions from selling this information. Electronics are valuable, aren't they?”
“Rainbow was likely exaggerating. Electric technology is indeed valuable, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it would be worth millions,” Celestia corrects me.
Well, that's a bit of a disappointment. Goddammit Rainbow, you got my hopes up, thinking I'd be able to afford anything forever. Why was I so stupid? Still, she's essentially buying me a house and filling it for me, so that's something. Then I can use the sum to buy into my hobbies...and suddenly I'm feeling a lot better about things. Finally, I'm buying a goddamn piano, and all of the music. So let's try and haggle this.
“Still though, I think thirty thousand is too low. I'm the only one that knows where this place is, and the only one that can help you fully explore it,” I remind her. Celestia frowns, so she knows I'm right about that much. “Make it eighty thousand.”
“Now Seth, are you trying to haggle with me?” Celestia asks with some amusement. Actually, the way she's looking at me, it's like one would look at a child trying to give an ultimatum. Or like I did at Rainbow when she told me she could beat me at chess.
“I...might be,” I reply hesitantly, starting to think I'm a bit out of my depth. Of course she's had haggling experience. Probably a lot more than me, considering haggling wasn't really a thing back in my time.
“I suppose I can be a little generous, considering there must have been a reason you didn't come forward with this before,” Celestia relents, once again guessing rightly. Goddammit, you mind reading horse.
Yeah, I didn't go back because I was terrified of the place, and even now that I have magic, I feel a sense of dread about going back. That's where my niece died, after all. Or...it's where I had to kill her. Honestly, I'd much rather leave that place buried. But like Celestia said, I need to go back. There's too many memories buried there for me to just forget about it.
“How does fifty thousand bits sound to you? I'm not willing to go any higher than that, because that's about the amount that I pay specialists during expeditions like this one,” Celestia suggests. Eh, I guess that's fair. Especially since the only skill I have that would help in this excursion is my memory.
“So let me get this straight. I get a house, furniture, and fifty thousand bits,” I say, restating what I remember her saying last time. Celestia nods, her smile returning. “That should be good enough for what I need. All right, is there like a contract or something we need to sign? I want to know that you're bound to give me this payment.”
“Seth, I would never dream of trying to cheat you,” Celestia states firmly. With a flash of light from her horn, sheets of paper and writing utensils emerge from drawers in the room's sole table. “As a show of good faith, I will send a request to the mayor of Ponyville right now. Feel free to read over my shoulder, if you must.”
“Don't mind if I do,” I retort. After all, this is a lot she's giving me for this, and so I want to know that I have it before I tell her anything. So with that in mind, I stalk over to her and orient myself so that I'm staring down at the parchment as she's writing on it. The first thing I notice is the name of the pony writing to. Mayor Mare. I have to physically try not to snicker. Let me just mention something here. Technically that title is pronounced May-yor. But usually it comes out sounding like...you guessed it...mare. So Celestia is writing to somepony with a name like Mare Mare. That's it, I'm calling her Double Mare forever.
“Dear Mayor Mare,
How are things in Ponyville? It's simply been too long since the last time I officially visited. Perhaps we should remedy that sometime in the near future?
Now, on to the subject of this letter. Can I assume that there are still homes available for purchase in the Residential District? I ask because I am interested in purchasing an average-sized house at full price for Equestria's resident human, Seth Rogers.
To be more specific, I'd like you to keep several homes of the specified size available until I can arrive in Ponyville myself to seal the payment. I look forward to seeing you soon.
Your loving ruler,
Princess Celestia.”
Celestia finishes writing and turns her head so that she can look at me. It's not a smug face, but one that seems to be looking for approval.
“Oh, so I get to choose where the house is?” I ask curiously, liking that idea. If possible, I'm hoping to get one either on the outskirts of town, or near Vinyl's place. If I get one near Vinyl's place, I can see her whenever, and I can potentially be near Rainbow as well because she can move her entire house. Celestia nods, smiling. “Huh. Guess that's all right. Also, why the hell are you going yourself?”
“This is an important transaction with my own funds, Seth. I would be remiss if I let some other pony handle it for me,” Celestia explains. Before she continues, her horn lights up, and the letter dissipates into the air, on its way to Double Mare. Then, she starts to look a bit guilty. “Also, it has been too long since the last time I've visited for more than a few moments. I must admit, I've been craving some of Pinkie Pie's cakes.”
“You and your goddamn cake,” I groan, rubbing my forehead. Still though, it's nice to know she's willing to go that far to make sure this thing goes through. “Still, shouldn't there be some paperwork for us to fill out? I mean, you're using government funds to get all of this for me.”
“Unfortunately, yes, there will be some form of paperwork. As you said, the usage of government funding requires some form of records, according to my own law,” Celestia answers. Good, at least there's that. I'd feel better knowing that there's some kind of binding contract between the two of us.
“I'm guessing ponies have tried to embezzle funds from you before?” I ask, putting two and two together when she mentioned it was by her own law.
“Not for a long, long time, but it has happened,” Celestia admits, looking sheepish. “While I'm proud of how low the crime rate has become in recent decades, it was not always so. Therefore these laws still need to exist.”
“Damn right they do,” I remark. They're laws. Without them it's anarchy. Duh. “So what now? Should I be telling you where to find this place now?”
“If you'd like. You can tell me now, or you can wait until I can draft up a contract for this expedition. After all, you and I won't be the only ones who have to sign it,” Celestia answers with a twinkle in her eye.
“Wait, there's other ponies that need to sign this besides you?” I demand, confused. “I thought this deal was just between the two of us.”
“This one is, but the contract I intend to design will be the one for the entire project as a whole. If the site is as large as you make it out to be, then this will be a significant undertaking,” Celestia explains. “I will have the project leads I decide upon to sign this contract as well. For example, I plan to bring a portion of the science department, along with a great deal of archaeologists. I'm even considering bringing in a few freelance archaeologists that I've worked with in the past.”
“Right, that'll probably take a while. And you probably won't know what to bring and who to hire until I tell you where this place is,” I say, resigned to the fact that I'm going to be telling her before signing anything. At the very least I know she's about to buy my house for me. “Hold on a minute, I'm signing the contract with the other project leads? Does that mean I'm a project lead too?
“If you'd like to think about it that way, then yes, I believe you are,” Celestia remarks, amused at my reaction. “You are integral to the success of the project, as it stands. Even after you give us the location, you are the only one who knows the layout of the site. It'll save us a great deal of bits if we don't have to dig based on intuition.”
“So, an advisory position. You do realize that I'm going there for my own reasons, right? I'm likely going to direct you to places that suit me,” I remind her sternly. As much profit as she stands to gain from this, it's only because I'm willing to let her come with me.
“I understand. I also have faith that your efforts will not lead us astray,” Celestia acknowledges with a smile. Huh. So she knows I'm essentially using her resources to get what I want, and she's going along with it. Is it just because I made it an even trade?
“You know, sometimes you're too trusting, and other times you scare the shit out of me,” I can't help but admit, looking at Celestia with an incredulous expression. Celestia blinks, and then her musical laughter fills the room.
“You are possibly the only one apart from my sister that speaks to me the way you do,” Celestia reveals, attempting to stifle her laughter behind a hoof. When she's composed herself, she gives me a heartfelt smile. “I appreciate it.”
“You're welcome for being an asshole, I guess,” I reply. Seriously, every time I talk to Celestia, she finds some way to surprise me. She really is like nobody I've ever met. “Now then, should I tell you now where to find the place?”
“Whatever you want to do, Seth,” Celestia responds amiably. Well, I can talk about the specifics later. I mean, even if I tell her, she'll probably still need me to lead her to it.
“Might as well, then. So when I managed to get out of the school, I found myself in the Everfree Forest. At night,” I reveal to her. Celestia's eyes widen in shock. “What?”
“The Everfree? You are lucky to be alive,” Celestia asserts. I remember how I almost died several times while I was down there. The spike from the stairs tried to kill me, my undead niece tried to kill me, and then a fucking timberwolf tried to kill me.
“No kidding. You should seen me when I got out. I was practically torn to pieces,” I respond with a rueful grin. I reach a hand up to rub my shoulders, where my niece had clawed me several months ago.
“I'm gad you managed to make it out all right, though,” Celestia says with a nod. She then looks pensive as a thought occurs to her. “The Everfree Forest...this will take some planning. This means I'll need a greater guard detail than I'd anticipated. Hm...”
“Well, I've told you where to find it. Once we're all ready, I can lead you right to it,” I say with finality. “So, I can go home now while you set everything up, right?”
“Not quite. I'd like you to be involved in the planning of this expedition, as you know more about what we're going to find down there than we do,” Celestia corrects me gently. I stare at her for a moment, and then I slowly facepalm.
This is going to be a lot more complicated than I expected.
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I like as write to celestia
by the way for the title of this story, open more human?
and finally so I imagine the confrontation between shadow and seth
...
This brings up an important question. While Luna was on the Moon, did she happen to find the commemorative plaque or a flag or six?
They actually did put up six and goddamn do I want to make a Six Flags on the moon joke.
Also, Seth should probably mention the zombies at some point.
Um...
Did...did you kill your editor?
He should have also asked for registered patent of all the human technology.
5178179
No, Castwing was too busy to look over it today, and my back up editor apparently can't do the damn job. Fixed.
Nice Chapter! Can't wait for the next!
(Stories like this are the only thing keeping me sane right now during school)
5178275
Ah, okay then. I guess I have to call off the Hyena-PB then.
His niece was down there. Celestia better bring even more guards to deal with more of those horrors. More guards just for the Everfree still won't be enough.
I'm calling it. Daring Doo's gonna show up.
Question, dose he stay in ponyville?
Have a gif:
i.imgur.com/rICh52i.gif
5178603 Alad V. Didn't I kill you in Saturn a few days ago, what are you doing here?
MmmHmm, I find that very believable... When it probably is true...
Celestia is probably playing Seth very, very easily and intended the 50k from the start.
I kinda expected Celestia to offer a really really high amount then keep bringing it up when Seth says, "What!?!?!" except that'd be too cliché.
5178981If she doesn't I'll be disappoint now
RD might tag along as well soo...
5179612
Well, as it turns out, you Tenno aren't the only ones with nine lives. I know how many I have left. How about you, Tenno?
5180297 Does it look like I know? I have been asleep in a metal tube hanging in the air for god knows how long, and besides I almost got my ass handed to me by a bunch of Infested exploders that all zerg rushed me from all sides.
5181061
True...but I have a specialized army of those. You won't find the real "me" for a long time. Chromas make such good doppelgängers.
5181091 At least whenever I kill one of you I get some sweet loot.
5181101
5181091
....Am I missing something here?
5181173
I am one of the Tenno's sworn enemies, as I turned their dead into a beautiful machine and pet to be used in the war against the Grineer. I control, somewhat, an army of extremely mutated people infected with the Technocyte Virus. I have found a type of infested that can change its appearance and voice at will, and have trained many to be body doubles so I can continue my research and experiments in peace. No matter how many time a Zanuka is destroyed, I always have many backups. That is why he is confused about my survival. Also, the Juggernaut project is nearly complete!
5181173 Don't you have a chapter to write that involves money, a house, abandoned buildings and a mind-reading Celestia that has a master rank in trolling.
Sorry for the delay of the comment, but I've been rather sick of late and I just haven't been able to concentrate long enough to write decently. I'm still a little under the weather but I didn't want to wait any longer to get this up for you
Starting off Seth finishes his visit with Rainbow. They eat some sweets and have a little bonding moment over their respective accomplishments not being appreciated properly. It's a small thing and doesn't last long, but it shows another fun little connection between them. Honestly I can't imagine this story without Rainbow (which is funny because she kinda came in as a fluke because she was the most convenient to use to stop Seth killing himself). After that Rainbow unintentionally upsets him by bringing up Amaryllis again. She needs to be a little more careful. Seth may have decided he could trust her with information about Amaryllis, but this information is not light and shouldn't be used for casual conversation. She better be careful she doesn't do this kind of thing in front of anypony else or Seth will likely go mental. Still she makes it up to him by calming him down and pressing up against him. Rainbow may be adverse to physical displays of affection like hugs, but she definitely knows how to calm him with her presence.
After that we have the guards show up and whisk him away to Canterlot. First time travelling by chariot seemed to go well for him though with his stubbornness, he'll likely make an issue about flying on his own later. After he arrives at Canterlot we have the return of Swift Lance. She only spoke with Seth briefly at the beginning of the Canterlot arc while he was visiting the castle for the first time, but that brief interaction was brilliant, so it's actually really cool to see her again. After the events of wedding and the changling attack, she has certainly calmed down from her high and mighty disposition she displayed to Seth the last time they met. Her reaction to finding out that Celestia played hooky and ditched a session of the Day Court during Hearth's Warming was hilarious
. It seems Seth has managed to gain another... if not supporter, then at least an amicable acquaintance in Canterlot. Man, for a guy with his angry and dismissive attitude, he certainly has a lot of ponies who like him. Anyhow, after their brief chat, Swift leaves Seth in the waiting room for Celestia. Not sure if we'll see Swift again after this, but it was certainly fun to see her again briefly.
After going through his old texts he never deleted (damn he can't have had the phone long, that thing must have a fair amount of memory to never have to delete any texts.) Celestia shows up, trolls him as usual
then gets down to business. So it appears that Rainbow was incorrect about the value of the school (either that or Celestia is tricking him to get a better deal. He hasn't exactly shopped around for price comparison here) but he still definitely getting to walk away with a decent sum in in his pocket. A fully furnished house and a tidy 50 000 bits, not a bad deal (if there was a way to convert bits into human cash, perhaps he would be walking away with a few mill. It's hard to tell since Equestrian money seems to have such odd values. 2 bits can get you an apple, but 350 gets a down payment on a house. So you could get 175 apples for the same price. Honestly Equestrian economics bogles the mind. I mean, what is the value of gems there? Twilight gets them for him all the time for Spike to eat, so they can't be overly valuable, and yet Rarity digs them up and uses them to enhance her dresses so they obviously aren't worthless either. Be nice if the show writers actually gave us some basic understanding of their money at some point. Oh am I rambling? 
). Celestia finding out the location was in the Everfree forest though has certainly made her nervous. Whomever the archaeologists are, they are likely going to have a fair amount of guard back up. I wonder if Celestia will be cool with Seth bringing Rainbow (Twilight to, though Celestia probably understands that trying to keep Twilight away from a find like this would be like a guy trying to stop a moving train with his face)?
Overall, a good chapter more designed to get the ball rolling then really delve into the adventure. This arc is shaping up to be a good one. Be very interesting to see the ponies reactions to all the dead humans surrounded by weapons and depleted ammunition. Hopefully Seth can find some old memories to show Rainbow. There's also the recording about how he arrived that he has yet to mention and the warning to keep him from Sombra, not to mention his niece and the potential for more Oppressed to be hanging around. I suspect a few more chapters before they actually reach the school, but soon things are going to get interesting
.
5179953 tse3.mm.bing.net/th?id=JN.9eQc0JwprkUNbe5mV1w%2bPw&w=245&h=183&c=7&rs=1&qlt=90&o=4&pid=1.1
Hopefully this canon of everfree doesn't allow for moving trees, otherwise Seth is gonna be in trouble
Why doesn't anyone mention truly important stuff? Why do I keep expecting this to be anything logical or rational?
Saying that the place is massive is like not saying anything at all. They can have different standards for massive after all. He could have named the number of buildings and their height. Also, he completely disregarded the fact that the building has a corpse of the Oppressed and that there still might be intact data about the research on Sombra down there. He wrecked the screens but I doubt the info can't be recovered. And it was a damn useful info too! Like national security level usefulness.
I'm sure if he actually tried naming stuff like having campus on board with possible human stuff left behind and multiple chemistry, computer and other labs he could have gotten MUCH more bits. But in the end, this has to be dumbed down for whatever reason.
And your OP magic to guard the group.
And again with insta-travel for unicorns. Who needs phones or Internet when they can send stuff like parcels instantaneously? So much for Spike being a unique specimen and performing that task while no one else during the battle knew of a way to contact troops remotely. NO ONE KNEW HOW TO COMMUNICATE REMOTELY WITH CAPTAINS OF SQUADS WITHOUT HAVING SPIKE AND ELEMENTS RUNNING AROUND THE BATTLEFIELD. And now we get this. Insta-travel to whomever wherever. Also, nice that Rainbow was so amazed at hearing what a phone does. Disregard all that, introduce OP broken sh*t of a mail. This here is COMPLETE BULLSHIT.
6404426
Jesus Christ, would you fucking stop already? We get it, you think everything about this story is "illogical" or "bullshit." Quit repeating yourself over and over again.
I’m feeling sorry for the guards!
Aww, Seth! If I were you I would have brought a piano into the mix! I mean, now you have to buy it yourself!
Sethie! You need to protest more! Average-sized house? You can do better than that! Why not ask for a bigger size?
It shall be noted that Seth is not that good at haggling.
I can practically feel the upcoming Rainbow Dash fangasm.
6700434
Why would he? Seth seems to be rather practical when it counts and he hes very few possessions. Plus, one way of looking at big houses is that they exsist to impress those around the owner. Seth has stated that he doesn't give a fuck what anybody thinks of him (save for the exception) so he would have little use for a large home. He also expressed interest in finding a home on the outskirts of town, and large homes would likely be closer to the center of town and closer to the ponies he finds annoying.
6727419
You have a point, but I personally think it is better to get more space in advance because they say 'better have it and not need it, than need it and not have it'. He might need some more space in the future. I'm only planning ahead because of the Romance tag!
Kinda annoyed he fails to mention the undead abominations that probably still roam the place bent on murdering anything they see, even after three millennia. My one grievance.
Something people seem to miss is that her NAME is Mayor Mare. Thus the official way to address her would be Mayor Mayor Mare. Makes it even more ridiculous.