Tales of the Oppressed

by Terran34

17. Pranking Parade (rw)

“So, I hear you’re starting to make a name for yourself as Vinyl Scratch’s helper,” Applejack states conversationally on our way back to the barn. “How’s that going for you?”

“Well enough, I suppose. It helps me get by,” I reply while helping pull the laden cart along behind us. “You’ve only just now heard? Haven’t you seen me working with her before?”

“Once, maybe. But that don’t automatically mean you’re her helper. Could have just been lending a helping hoof for all I know.” Applejack explains. “You planning on going with her when she travels? I hear she does shows all over Equestria.”

“That hasn’t come up yet, but I was aware of the possibility.” It strikes me that I never thought to talk that over with Applejack. “If that happens, would you be alright giving me those days off from work?”

“I don’t mind at all! Might do you a whole lot of good to see some more of Equestria. You ain’t from here if I remember right, so you might not have seen anything apart from Ponyville,” Applejack agrees readily, looking almost excited by the prospect. “Why, you should tell her to head down to Appleoosa sometime! Her music might not be their style, but I’ve got family down there, and they just love visitors!”

“Maybe we will. I’m not the boss,” I inwardly groan, noting the similarity between the town’s name and a specific breed of horse. She does bring up a good point, however. I probably should see more of Equestria at some point. No one’s heard of a musician that’s never left their hometown...provided I should even call Ponyville my hometown at this point. But, as I look around at the tired landscape that is the apple orchard, perhaps a change of scenery wouldn’t be such a bad thing. “Is Appaloosa far from here?”

“Naw, it’s just down south. Hop on a train and you’d be there in two shakes of a pony’s tail!” Applejack responds enthusiastically. “Say, sometimes I gotta head down there for delivery’s sake. You wanna tag along some time?”

“Can’t you just deliver your goods through a postal service? I’m assuming you have those.” We run the cart against the cellar entrance, and then once I’m free of the cart, I get the entrance open for her so we can start storing the apples for later use.

“Why, and miss out on a chance to meet up with my friends and family that live down there? Not a chance, sugarcube!” Applejack responds. I roll my eyes and accept the first crate of apples she hoists down from the cart. “Besides, it’s cheaper to just box ‘em up and take ‘em there myself.”

“That makes more sense,” I state. When I try to picture what Appaloosa would be like, all I can come up with is more apple orchards like the ones I’m working in now. I decide to answer her question, choosing to leave out my thoughts about meeting new ponies. “Well, if the time comes and you need a helper, I’ll go.”

“Glad to hear it! I should introduce you to my cousin Braeburn while we’re there.” Applejack decides. Together, the two of us ferry the rest of the baskets into the cellar, where we empty them of their contents and prepare for another run. “Phew. Alright, let’s get back out there. I heard from Rainbow that the snows are a coming fast. Just got an acre or so to go! How are you holding up?”

“My muscles burn like fire almost every moment of every day, if that tells you anything,” I remark without a trace of humor in my voice. “It’s hard to tell the difference between work and relaxation anymore.”

“Heh, sounds about right. Give it time, and that’ll pass. Then you’ll start seeing some real improvement!” Applejack seems only encouraged by those words. “Let me know when you think you can take on more strenuous work. There’s always something that needs doing on the farm, and always more I can teach you!”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I grimace at her words, the idea of physical labor proving as distasteful as ever to me. Yet, that very distaste serves as a painful reminder that all the time I spent in college learning computer software meant absolutely nothing. If I had known this was coming, I would have spent my life learning more practical skills, like the very ones Applejack is now teaching me.

Then again, if I’d known this was coming, I’d have done a lot of things differently.

---

“There you go, ten bits for a full day’s pay! Thanks again for all your hard work.” Applejack says, passing me another small bag of bits to add to the growing pile I have at home.

“No need to thank me. It’s my job.” I say, accepting them gracefully while pointedly ignoring the splotch of rainbow coloring lying on the rug that’s disturbing the rustic atmosphere of the home.

“Are you done yet?” The aforementioned splotch asks impatiently.

“I mean it, though. We’ve had such a good yield this year. Why, with just the four of us Apples, we might never have gotten it all done before the snows. Ain’t that right, Big Mac?” Applejack turns to her brother, who had just walked into the room from the kitchen, from where the sounds of Granny Smith cooking emanate.

“Eeyup.” Big MacIntosh replies as simply as ever, giving me a terse nod. He stays in the room long enough to grab a set of towels from the closet before returning to the kitchen.

“Hey!”

“Are you staying for dinner this time?” Applejack asks me just as she does every evening after work. She’s surprisingly also ignoring Rainbow, a small smirk and an askance glance showing that she knows precisely what she’s doing.

“No, thank you.” I turn her down, just as I do every evening after work. “I have other plans tonight, as evidenced by the…”

“Okay, seriously?! I’m right here, you two!” Rainbow finally gets impatient, the mare butting in between the two of us, her nose wrinkled in annoyance. Applejack pretends to see her for the first time.

“Oh, hey, Rainbow Dash! Glad you decided to stop in! Why didn't you say anything; let somepony know you’re here?” Applejack asks her smugly. A frustrated nicker escapes Rainbow’s lips.

“Don’t act all innocent with me! I saw you looking!” Rainbow jabs a hoof in Applejack’s face. I have to admit, it’s entertaining to watch the two of them, if only from their expressions alone.

“Who, me?” Applejack asks in the fakest voice I’ve probably ever heard from her. Rainbow glares at her for several seconds, before the two of them break out into chuckles. “You should see your face.”

“Ha ha. Put her there, AJ!” Rainbow shortens Applejack’s name and stretches out a hoof to her friend. Applejack grins back at her and reaches out her own hoof. “I’m totally gonna get you back for that...right now!”

The moment Applejack’s hoof makes contact with Rainbow’s, Applejack visibly jumps and lets out a surprised yelp...earning a triumphant laugh from Rainbow. I almost laugh out loud; I did not expect a sound like that from Applejack.

“What in tarnation…!? Rainbow Dash, is this another one of your pranks? Show me your hoof!” Applejack demands after she composes herself. I blink, trying to make sense of what happened. Rainbow snickers and reveals a silver metal disk the size of a quarter strapped to her hoof. Atop the disk was a singular button. Applejack sighs in disappointment. “Can’t believe I fell for the simplest trick in the book.”

“What is that?” I question before Rainbow can continue to gloat. I gathered that I’ve just witnessed one of Rainbow’s pranks that Vinyl warned me about, but I don’t understand what that disc is supposed to be.

“What this? It’s a buzzer! You’ve never seen one before?” Rainbow shows it to me. The realization then strikes me and I gaze at her with disbelief. I’ve heard that term before, but I didn’t even consider that ponies had something like that. “Give it a press!”

“No thanks; I know what it does. More importantly, this is what you consider a prank?” I demand incredulously.

“Uh...yeah?” Rainbow seems thrown off by my confusion. She thinks about it for a second and then appears somewhat excited. “You trying to tell me you know better pranks than this?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘better,’” I grumble, recalling my own experiences with the horrible pranks my peers would come up with back in my era. “But I’m just surprised. This seems like something a child would think is funny.”

“Whoa now, Dash. Looks like Seth is calling you out,” Applejack remarks smugly. Just then, from the kitchen, I hear Granny Smith calling for Applejack. “Anyhoo, I’ll leave you to it. We’ve still got a seat still open for you if you change your mind.”

“Later, Applejack!” Rainbow waves after her friend. She turns back to me. “So what if it's a childish prank? You heard the sound she made, didn’t you? That’s funny!”

“I guess it was a little funny. It just...wasn’t what I expected.” I briefly recall my conversation with Vinyl. “So these are the type of pranks you do?”

“What, this? Nah, this is just me when I’m too lazy to think up anything good! Come on, let’s get going and I’ll tell you more!” Rainbow beckons me out the door with a wave of her forehoof. “You didn’t change your mind about hanging out, did you?”

“I was going to ask you the same question. You’re still determined to do this?” I ask even though I’m fairly certain I know the answer. I follow her out the door, the two of us starting back along the path to town. “I know your friends by now. Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, Vinyl, Flitter, etc. You have plenty of options besides me, and it doesn’t make sense that you’d neglect them to hang out with me of all people.”

“Oh for Celestia’s sake,” Rainbow presses a hoof to her face in exasperation. “You call me out for being like a foal and then you say something like that.”

“Attacking me rather than my argument isn’t going to help your case,” I say without looking at her.

“Yeah, I have friends other than you. How exactly am I neglecting them? I hung out with the weather girls last night, and then Vinyl. The day before I went racing with Applejack and then I did some practicing with Fluttershy around. The day before that I had dinner with Twilight and Rarity. Exactly where do you think I’m ‘neglecting’ my friends?” Rainbow’s words are succinct and forceful. I open my mouth to answer, but I don’t have any meaningful reply. This pony’s ability to verbally drive me into a corner is disconcerting and oddly reminiscent of a certain sharp-tongued friend I used to have. “Today, I asked to hang out with you, and you said yes! So let’s just hang out, and stop thinking so hard about everything.”

“Easier said than done.” I decide to concede the argument. In the end, her words are just words, despite how pretty they may sound. I’ll bide my time a while longer, and then when she’s sick of me, I’ll start focusing solely on music. At least I can trust my instruments to play notes for me without asking anything in return. “So what did you have in mind for today?”

“Hm…” Rainbow presses a hoof to her chin, thinking hard. She brightens up, a smirk crossing her face. “I have an idea! We were just talking about pranks; wanna go cause some chaos?”

“What? You want me to just go around pranking ponies?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. After all the pranks I’ve seen, I can’t justify doing that kind of thing to someone else. I’m not that cruel. “No way. Seeing you prank someone else is one thing, but it’s not for me.”

“Awesome! You can just watch for now. I’ve got a few good ones cooked up - just you wait!” Rainbow grins evilly and rubs her two front hooves together. “Follow me!”

“Whatever. I can’t believe I’m even bothering with this.” I grumble, but I follow Rainbow nonetheless if only to see more of what she considers to be pranks. “Why do I get the feeling this is about to be incredibly stupid?”

---

“Hey, girls!” Rainbow Dash zips down from the skies to the streets, where the rest of the weather team was just finishing up from the days work. An air of curiosity settles over them at their boss’s sudden appearance.

“Hi, Rainbow Dash. I didn’t expect to see you back already,” Cloud Chaser was the first to respond clearly amidst the chorus of greetings sent their way.

“Did something come up?” Flitter questions as she moves to meet with Rainbow. “Don’t tell me the board sent us another last minute request for a storm…”

“Not this time. Relax, we just have a few more clouds to bust. See those?” Rainbow directs their gaze to the skies over in the general direction of the gorge.

“What in the...where did those clouds come from?” Cloud demands with mild annoyance as she regards the scattered clumps of cumulus hanging in the sky. “I could have sworn we took all those out...were they hiding in the gorge?”

“I don’t think so...but this just means our job isn’t finished,” Flitter replies with a shrug, the mare already appearing resigned to the task. “Shall we take care of it?”

“Let’s do it. Just the two of us should be able to handle it. The rest of you all can go home…if that’s cool with you, Rainbow Dash.” Cloud Chaser conducts herself like a leader, the other ponies accepting her words without question.

“That works! Get cracking, and then we can all finish for today.” Rainbow directed. The other weather ponies display varying degrees of relief and go their separate ways while Flitter and Cloud Chaser take to the skies. Rainbow watches them fly and she hides a snicker behind her hoof.

As for me, I’m resting on the roof of a nearby building, where Rainbow had deemed to be the best vantage point. I’m lying on my stomach, one cheek resting atop my fist. I don’t know what Rainbow has cooked up for the two weather ponies. All I know is that they were Rainbow’s target and that according to her, I’ll be laughing at the result. That remains to be seen.

“So, you have them doing extra work when they should be going home,” I observe in a less than amused tone when Rainbow lands on the roof beside me. “This isn’t a prank. This is just you being a terrible boss.”

“Oh please, it’s just a couple cumulus. It won’t take them more than a few minutes, even as slow as they are,” Rainbow assures me. “Besides, that’s not even the prank! Just watch, it’s gonna be great.”

“Whatever.” I fall back into silence and watch the two sisters tear their way through the collection of clouds Rainbow had prepared for them.

After clearing away the majority of the clouds, Flitter and Cloud Chaser tackled the last set, each of them dissipating the vapor with swift and coordinated bucks. However, as Flitter bucked the last remaining cloud...it suddenly burst apart with a loud bang, shooting vapor and confetti in every direction.

“Yaaah!” Flitter squealed and covered her eyes.

“What the hay!?” Cloud practically leaps out of her skin and whips about, only to receive part of the confetti payload to her face.

“Yes!” Rainbow bursts into triumphant laughter at the resolution of her prank. With her laughter and the discovery of ruptured balloons falling from where the trapped cloud used to be, it didn’t take the two sisters long to realize what happened.

“Rainbow!” Cloud Chaser accused, the mare attempting to brush confetti out of her mane. Flitter started to chuckle as she gazed at her frazzled sister. “Flitter, stop laughing. Don’t encourage her.”

“I can’t help it. Your mane looks like a party disaster,” Flitter notes between giggles.

“So does yours, silly!” Cloud Chaser snaps back. In her attempts to clear out the confetti, she ends up with nothing but a helplessly tangled mane. Yet despite the annoyance, she and Flitter laugh. “Ugh, you got us good, Rainbow! Just wait until we get you back!”

“Looking forward to it!” Rainbow cheekily calls up to her two employees. “Now get on out of here and get yourselves a drink on me!”

“You got it, boss!” With that, the two sisters took off down towards the town, leaving Rainbow and me alone on the rooftop.

“So how was that for a good prank?” Rainbow asks smugly, the mare plopping down beside me with an expectant expression. I glare at her, wanting to be stubborn.

“I suppose that was alright. Hiding a confetti-filled balloon in a cloud was pretty clever.” I ultimately admit, feeling some lingering amusement from the memory of the two sisters and their ruffled appearance after the balloons had popped. “That was harmless, as far as pranks go. That being said, I didn’t think they’d take it as well as they did.”

“It’s not the first time we’ve pranked each other,” Rainbow reveals with a grin. “But I didn’t make you laugh yet. So I need to pick my next target and step up my game!”

“You’re really set on doing this, aren’t you?” I raise a brow at her statement. I could be doing something more productive with my time, but I suppose there’s no rush. I also hate to admit it to myself, but I find that I’m curious to see what she’ll come up with next.

“Duh! This is already fun, and I haven’t even gotten started!” Rainbow responds eagerly. “Ooh, I should hit Rarity next! She is just hilarious when she’s flustered!”

“Okay, this I have to see.” The words escape me before I can stop them. Out of all the ponies I’ve met, I can’t see Rarity being caught off guard by something like this. The idea of her doing so proves to be a humorous one after all.

“That’s the spirit! Come on, I’ve got the perfect idea!” Rainbow zips off once again, leaving me to jog after her to catch up.

---

“Stitching, stitching~” Rarity hums a small tune to herself as she runs a length of fabric beneath the needle of her sewing machine. All she had left to do was patch up around the seams and her latest order would be complete. “Quite fine work so far, if I do say so myself. The customer will almost certainly be pleased!”

Rarity turns off the sewing machine with her magic and drapes the fabric over a mannequin, giving her plenty of room to start decorating the dress. However, before she can get started, she hears a knock at the door.

“Now, who could that be?” Rarity walks to the front door and opens...to reveal nothing. Yet that small moment of distraction is enough to set the stage for the prank to come.

“I’m going in!” Rainbow whispers to me. She cracks open one of the windows and slips inside carrying several scraps of paper in her mouth. She zips about inside Rarity’s home like a whirlwind, dancing from place to place to leave behind the scraps in noticeable places. She shoots out the window just as the confused Rarity closes the front door and turns around.

“Well, that was quite odd,” Rarity comments. She returns to the mannequin, already retrieving various decorative fabrics, gems, and other such objects to place on the dress. She pauses as she notices the small scrap of paper resting atop the mannequin’s head. The perplexed mare brought the scrap up to her face with her magic. “What is this? Is that a frog? My, that expression is absolutely ridiculous. And what does that say at the bottom? ‘You’ve been...frogged?’ What does that even mean?”

“‘Frogged?’” I ask, turning to the snickering Rainbow for clarification. “I’m with her, what does that even mean?”

“Sometimes the best pranks are the ones that make no sense. Confuse her, don’t abuse her!” Rainbow explains. She presses her face to the glass. “Look, I hid them all over her house!”

“Another one?” Rarity discovers a second frog picture lying mixed within a pile of fabric that she’d set aside for herself. She stares at it and then tosses it in the trash with the first one. “Yes, yes, I’ve been frogged. Whatever that means.”

“You’re kidding.” As Rarity opens up a chest to reveal a selection of gems, inside is another frog picture. One of her eyes twitches as she lifts it up. “How many of these am I going to find? Is this somepony’s idea of a joke!?”

“Hmph!” Rarity shoves the picture into the trash once again and attempts to focus on her work. Eventually, just as I’m starting to lose interest, she spots a misshapen seam in her dress and produces a sewing kit from a nearby shelf. As she opens the kit, another frog picture tumbles out. “Where do these keep coming from!?”

Rarity practically turns red, a frustrated cry escaping her. I choke, almost losing my composure at the sight of such a prim and proper mare losing her temper over something as silly as frog pictures. A helpless laugh escapes me as Rarity suddenly blasts the frog picture with a bolt of magic.

“I will not stand here and be frogged, thank you very much!” Rarity expresses vehemently. She starts to tear the room apart, searching for any remaining frog pictures. “I’ll find you! And then I’ll teach you a lesson! Nopony ‘frogs’ me!”

“Did you hear that? Nopony frogs her!” Rainbow is struggling hard to keep her merriment at a low volume, to keep from being caught. I can’t blame her, either. “Now here’s the best part! Watch this!”

“If I find one more frog, I’m going to have an absolute conniption!” Rarity screeches in a thoroughly nettled tone, one I’ve never heard from her before. She then spots a white cat slinking through the room, with another frog picture tucked into the feline’s collar. “How did...but...that is...Opal, give me that!”

Once Rarity had chased down her cat and removed the frog picture from it, there came a knock at the door. Rarity tore the frog picture in half and spent the next few seconds making herself look presentable before opening the door.

“Oh, Rainbow Dash - what a surprise! Pardon me, this isn’t really the best time…” Rarity starts to say, but then she notices Rainbow’s reddened face. Understanding dawns on her face.

“Not the best time? You don’t say; I could hear you from outside! It sounded like you had a frog in your throat!” Rainbow joked, and then she broke out into peals of laughter at the annoyed look on her friend’s face.

“And so the culprit reveals herself. I might have known,” Rarity’s annoyance surprisingly fades away. “Well yes, it seems you’ve frogged me good, Rainbow Dash. Now, if you’re quite finished laughing, you can help me find the rest of your frog pictures.”

“Yeah, okay. Come on, Seth, you can help!” Unlike before, Rainbow doesn’t let me stay out of the situation. I sigh and move to join her, brushing off my clothes.

“Did you just say, ‘Seth?’ You can’t mean to tell me that he…” Rarity breaks off when she spots me rounding the corner. She blinks, dumbfounded. “Well, that’s quite unusual. Were you in on this as well, Seth?”

“No, I’m just along for the ride. Rainbow is insisting on showing me the kinds of pranks she likes to pull,” I explain. Rainbow beams and she nudges me with her side. “And yes, I’ll admit this one was pretty good.”

“Yes, yes…” Rarity waves a hoof dismissively. She ushers the two of us inside. “Now get to work, Rainbow! Tea, Seth?”

“Wait, you’re offering him tea!? Where’s my tea?” Rainbow demands just as she’s fished the first picture out from beneath the rug.

“You can have your tea when you’ve finished cleaning up. As for Seth, he said he wasn’t involved in your prank, and I’m inclined to believe him. As long as I’ve known him, I’ve yet to hear Seth lie. In fact, he’s so brutally honest he could give Applejack a run for her bits,” Rarity explains smugly. I glance at her, feeling satisfied after hearing that. Being honest is one of my vices; so much so that I remain quiet if I can’t afford to be so.

“No thanks on the tea. You shouldn’t feel obligated to accommodate us after being pranked. I imagine you must be upset,” I answer her.

“Upset? Oh, good heavens no!” Rarity’s reply surprises me. “This is hardly the first time Rainbow has played a practical joke on me. It’s all in good fun, and I usually get even in the end one way or another.”

“That’s...interesting.” That’s all I can think of to say. I don’t want to admit I’m wrong, but perhaps Vinyl was right after all, and Rainbow’s pranks are just harmless fun, even if they are a bit childish. After all, between Applejack, Flitter and Cloud Chaser, and now Rarity, none of them were upset by them. “In that case, you can get your revenge right now. I’m not helping at all. Put your back into it, Rainbow.”

“Quite. You heard him, Rainbow!” Rarity agrees, chuckling.

“Oh, you traitor!” Rainbow shoots back with a groan.

“I can’t be a traitor if I was never committed to the cause in the first place,” I retort with a shrug and a smirk. I turn back to Rarity with the intent to make another smart-aleck remark, but instead, I find that she’s gazing at me with a calm smile. “What?”

“Nothing, darling. I’m just happy to see you getting along better with Rainbow,” Rarity answers while the mare in question is on the other side of the room. “As far as friends go, she’s an excellent choice. She’ll never let you down.”

“That’s…” I didn’t expect her to get serious with me all of a sudden; her words snap me back to reality and have me re-evaluate the situation I’m currently in.

I’m here with Rainbow only because the mare won’t leave me alone. She hasn’t ever since the cliff. She talks a good game, but it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve met someone with a silver tongue who’s had nothing but contempt for me. I don’t consider Rainbow a friend. Yet...she did save my life; nobody has done that for me before.

Rarity frowns, the mare noticing the sudden myriad of emotions that cross over my face after her words. I notice her gaze and stifle my thoughts; nothing good would come of voicing them here.

“That remains to be seen,” is all I end up saying.

---

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I whisper to Rainbow as the two of us approach Sugarcube Corner. Out of all the ponies she could be pranking, this one worries me due to her target’s unpredictability. “I’ve seen two pranks so far; that should be enough, right?”

“Are you kidding? I’m on a roll!” Rainbow won’t be dissuaded. The mare is carrying a bag filled with various noisemakers and silly traps to lay around. It’s the sort of stuff I wouldn’t be surprised to see in your average joke shop. “Just wait until I turn Sugarcube Corner into a minefield! Mr. and Mrs. Cake are out for a few hours, so it’ll be just Pinkie!”

“If the owners are out today, wouldn’t Pinkie be watching the shop? How do you intend to lure her away long enough to plant your traps?” I question her curiously. Rainbow scoffs confidently.

“Distracting Pinkie Pie? Come on, I’ve been doing it for years. Watch this!” Rainbow sets the bag of pranks down and then opens the front door. Behind the counter is Pinkie herself, the mare gazing at the Rainbow with the look of someone up to no good. Rainbow steps inside and starts to announce. “Pinkie Pie, you’ve gotta see this! There’s a...waaah!”

The second Rainbow sets hoof inside, something inside explodes to the right of the doorway with the sound of noise-makers and party blowouts. An eruption of confetti, streamers, and various party tools knocks Rainbow off her hooves and sends her reeling to the right and out of sight. Pinkie immediately falls over backward, breaking out into peals of laughter.

“Pinkie!” Rainbow yells, only making her laugh harder. I stifle a laugh, recognizing what just happened. It looks like the prankster just got pranked.

“You didn’t think I’d just let you walk in here with all those pranks without giving you a taste of your own medicine, would you?” Pinkie taunts, batting her eyes at the fallen Rainbow. She doesn’t even stop to look surprised when I walk into the shop as well. “Heya, Seth! How are you doing?”

I just give her a short nod. I glance to the right, once again fighting back laughter at the sight of Rainbow on the floor, the mare covered in confetti and somehow even wearing a party hat. I turn to the left to see the source of the explosion; a silvery cannon resting on a single axle sporting two wheels, each one decorated with a yellow flower.

“How did you even know I was coming to prank you?” Rainbow demands as she rises, the mare dusting herself off and throwing the party hat aside.

“Let’s see, Rainbow Dash coming to visit me, carrying a bag of jokes, snickering like she’s hiding something really funny, dragging the town’s grumpiest creature along with her...I think that forms the recipe for a really fun prank!” Pinkie reasons, nudging Rainbow Dash knowingly. “So how’s your pranking spree been going?”

“I’m standing right here!” I retort, quirking a brow at her description of me. Rainbow glances at me and snickers. “Hey!”

“She’s right though. Though I’d say ‘grumpy’ is a bit of an understatement,” Rainbow remarks, earning an emphatic nod from Pinkie. I roll my eyes at the two of them. I didn’t realize I’d come here to be mocked. “But to answer your question, Pinkie, it’s been awesome! We hit Flitter and her sister first, then Rarity! You broke our streak, though!”

“Your streak. I have no part in this.” I correct her sharply, but I’m more or less ignored. A sigh escapes me, my annoyance level steadily rising.

“Sorry! The chance was too good to pass up!” Pinkie trilled, looking pleased with herself. “Who were you going to hit next? Can I help? It’s been too long since we’ve gone pranking together!”

“I’m gonna get a headache,” I groan, less than enthused by the prospect of Pinkie joining in on this journey of nonsense. “Yes, do tell. Which poor unsuspecting pony are you hitting next?”

“Hm...let’s hit Twilight next!” Rainbow declares. I blink, surprised by that choice. Twilight was the last pony I’d expect Rainbow to pull a prank on. Plus, Twilight is smart, so I don’t see her falling for something simple. “She has the best reactions! Trust me, she’ll never see it coming!”

“Yes! I have so many ideas already running through my head! What if we walk up to her door, tell her we brought flamingoes, but it’s really just flaming O’s!” Pinkie suggests. Before I can even process what she just said, she whips a tray filled with donuts out from nowhere to show us. In each of the donut holes, a thick stubby candle is inserted, their wicks burning fiercely. “And then we can have post-prank donuts!”

“No no no, that’s too simple! We gotta do something that’ll really get her. What if we rigged a bucket of water above her door frame, and when she comes to answer the door, she gets totally soaked!” Rainbow shoots right back excitedly, one of her hooves swooping down to meet the other.

“Ooh ooh, I’ve got a good one! We should get into her kitchen and put little googly eyes all over all of her food!” Pinkie Pie produces a bag of said eyes once again from seemingly nowhere, the donuts disappearing from my field of view. “Then we can watch her get flustered while her pastries stare at her from the depths of her refrigerator, watching her...judging her!”

“That’s pretty good, but what if we planted fake snakes hidden between her books? Remember how she squealed when she saw one up close during her first Winter Wrap-Up?” Rainbow returned eagerly.

Their energy is only rising as the two of them toss prank ideas back and forth, each one more ridiculous than the last. Yet, as I listen to all of their prank ideas, I have to admit something to myself. They’re all harmless. None of them are cruel or one-sided and could result in some simple fun. Perhaps...the pranks I’m familiar with were just the result of particularly nasty individuals and bad luck. Perhaps pony pranks are simply different than human pranks.

Whatever the reasoning may be, there’s nothing wrong with these pranks...and I admittedly want to see how Twilight reacts when confronted with one of them. That being said, however, they could use a bit more of a...personal touch.

“Why not threaten one of her books?” I suggest just as Rainbow is pitching the idea to cover the table in the library with cotton balls. Rainbow and Pinkie both stop mid-sentence and stare at me in shock. I realize just how bad that sounds and quickly clarify. “Not really. I’m not so cruel as to suggest we actually harm one of her books. Yet, just pretending we are should be enough to get her flustered. Then we could pull whatever we wanted.”

A slight pause follows as the two of them mull the idea over. I feel somewhat uncomfortable beneath their gaze, wondering if I shouldn’t have spoken up after all. Yet, then the two of them grin wickedly.

“YES!” Pinkie and Rainbow both exclaim at once, pointing their hooves at me as though I’d come up with a genius idea.

“We can workshop that! Twilight would freak if one of her books was in danger!” Rainbow says.

“Let’s do it! But somecreature’s gotta stop her from using her magic, or it’ll all be ruined!” Pinkie posits. “It’s time to plan! Bring it in, you two!”

They huddle close together, gesturing for me to join in as well. I hesitantly approach a few steps, just close enough to make out what they’re whispering, and then the three of us begin to plan our nefarious prank.

Several minutes later, Mrs. Cake gets home. The older mare steps inside just in time to see us grouped together, talking in a low voice. She blinks, perplexed. “What are you three doing?”

“Nothing!” The three of us chorus together instantly. We exchange glances, the plan fully formed in our mind.

“Let’s do it! I’ll talk to Vinyl!” Rainbow asserts.

“I’ll bake the pies!” Pinkie trills.

“I’ll go to visit the carpenter.” I express. The three of us nod and then head our separate ways. Pinkie bounces off to the kitchen, Rainbow zips out the window at a breakneck pace, and I walk out the front door like a normal person.

This is ridiculous, childish, and isn’t productive in the least. I can’t believe I’m even doing this, but I’m already this far in. I might as well see it through.

After all, it was my idea.

---

All is quiet in Vinyl’s living room as the sun’s last rays shine in through the window, the day finally coming to an end. The dying light illuminates the two ponies and I as we lie in wait for our unwitting target.

I’m standing with Pinkie Pie in a clear view of the front door, my hands in my pockets. Vinyl is here as well, the mare hunched down on the couch low enough that she couldn’t be seen from the other side.

Pinkie is holding the centerpiece of the entire prank clutched in her hooves: a book which according to her is called “a Succinct History of Equis,” one of the books Twilight showed me during one of my visits. Furthermore, a small inconspicuous rug is present in the entry hallway, placed in such a way that anyone coming from outside would have to walk over it to reach the living room.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” I finally say aloud what’s been running through my head non-stop ever since I agreed to do this. “This is ridiculous.”

“So you keep saying. But this is gonna be good, trust me. This is the best prank idea I’ve heard in months, dude.” Vinyl whispers from the couch. “Better yet; I’m glad you’re finally loosening up a bit, too.”

“Whatever,” I mutter, uncomfortable. I then turn my gaze towards Pinkie. “Pinkie, stop laughing; nothing has even happened yet.”

“I know! I just keep picturing what’s going to happen and I just can’t help but laugh!” Pinkie has also been giggling to herself on and off for the past hour, even since Rainbow left to fetch Twilight. “I can’t wait!”

“Do you remember the script?” I ask Pinkie in a low tone.

“There was a script?” Pinkie blinks, cluelessly. I feel as though my heart stops after hearing that.

“You didn’t read the script?” I hiss at her in irritation. I recall how I had to dictate it to Vinyl just to get it down in a language the ponies could read. “Then what did I spend all that time writing it for!?”

“Whoopsies! I knew I was forgetting something!” Pinkie giggles and snorts, as though nothing were wrong. As I’m glaring at her, I hear the sound of a thunderclap from outside. “It’ll be fine, I’ll just improvise!”

“Quiet, you two! That’s the signal! That means they’re here!” Vinyl hisses. The two of us quiet down instantly, though I continue to glower at the oblivious Pinkie. “I’ll get the door. When I do… do your thing!”

“And you’re certain that Vinyl Scratch is the one with my book?” I hear Twilight faintly ask in the distance. “I don’t know, she doesn’t seem the type to take books without asking.”

“You think this is just about your book? This isn’t just a case of a single book going missing. This is the start of a much larger evil scheme concerning all books in Equestria!” Rainbow replies, their voices getting closer and closer. “You don’t understand, Twilight. We are smack dab in the middle of a book stealing conspiracy, and only you can stop it!”

“...Uh huh. Well, if you say so. I just want my book back so I can get back to reorganizing the library by topic and date published.” Twilight seems less than amused by Rainbow’s tall tale, but she’s nonetheless approaching the front door.

“For the umpteenth time…” Rainbow remarks.

“Did you say something?” Twilight asks, hardly paying attention.

“Nope!” Rainbow retracts. “Alright, you get the door, and I’ll fly around the back and make sure they can’t make a run for it!”

“You do that...” Twilight emits. And then, the long-awaited knock on the door comes. “Hey, Vinyl, are you in right now? I’m missing a Succinct History of Equis and Rainbow seems to think you have it.”

“Alright, get ready you two.” Vinyl whispers. The mare leaps to her hooves and rushes over to the front door, carefully avoiding the rug in the hallway in the process. She opens the door to reveal a bemused Twilight...and then Pinkie and I get started.

“Rainbow’s betrayed us, just like I always knew she would. It’s only a matter of time until Twilight gets here, and then it’ll be all over,” I say loud enough that Twilight would be able to hear us. It’s the first line of the script I made and rehearsed… the one Pinkie didn’t read.

“Ah yes, Twilight Sparkle! The single mare in charge of one of the enemy strongholds!” Before I know it, Pinkie is wearing a set of cardboard armor painted silver, complete with a visored helmet through which her muzzle barely fits. I do my best not to gape at her, even as Twilight pokes her head out from around Vinyl upon hearing her name, her face filled with curiosity and suspicion. “She won’t be able to stop us. Nopony will be able to stop us! Stick with me, Sethie, and we’ll form a foal-ition strong enough to topple the regime that has dominated Equestria for centuries! The book-related regime!”

“What in Celestia’s name are you two doing?” Twilight demands in confusion...but then she spots the book in Pinkie’s hoof, her eyes widening. “Is that my book!?”

“Yes, I, Pinkamena Diane Pie, hereby declare war upon all books! Our armies of fire shall rake across their rugged surface until there is nothing left! In fact, you could call this a...hold on folks, here’s the best part...a crusade! As Celestia wills!” Pinkie proclaims while waving around a cardboard sword, at one point pausing to address seemingly no one before getting back to her ridiculous, yet hilarious improvised script. I can’t believe she pulled that out of nowhere. That’s leagues better than what I came up with.

“Now, my companion in crime, let us strike the first blow together!” Pinkie presents the book to me with a dramatic flourish. “Bring the cleansing flames to this book, so that we may set out upon our perilous journey!”

“Agreed. This is the beginning of the end!” Caught up in Pinkie’s energy despite myself, I pull a box of matches from my pocket. The second Twilight spots that, she puts two and two together and emits a cross between an agonized whinny and a high pitched squeal, which is almost enough to make me lose my composure right then and there.

“What do you think you’re doing!?” Twilight shrieks. Her horn lights up, no doubt to grab the book from us with her telekinesis. However, Vinyl is quicker on the uptake. Vinyl’s magical aura appears around the book a split second before Twilight’s does, therefore preventing her from grabbing it from us. “Vinyl, what are you…?”

“Quick, she’s here! Burn it, my minion, burn it!” Pinkie squeals. I nod and light the match, a spark of flame springing into existence only millimeters away from the book’s spine. Pinkie lets out a maniacal, yet cheesy, evil laugh. “Mwahahahaha!”

“Stoooop!” Stripped of any other course of action, Twilight shoves past Vinyl and breaks into a desperate run, sheer panic plastered across her face. Yet, it is that very same speed that brings about her downfall. Twilight gallops across the rug in the hallway… which then slips out from underneath her without warning, courtesy of a large amount of oil spread on the floor beneath it. Twilight’s eyes bug out and she overbalances with a surprised cry. “Waaah!”

Vinyl seizes the moment. Acting quickly, she uses her magic to slide a fresh-baked pie right beneath Twilight, such that she falls face-first into it with a wet splat. There’s silence for a few moments, and then Twilight makes a muffled sound of confusion.

Then, the laughter begins. Pinkie, Vinyl, and Rainbow, who had slipped in through the back window, burst into uproarious laughter at the sight of the fallen Twilight. Pinkie tumbles over, holding her stomach as she laughs, while Rainbow can barely stay in the air. Even I join them in their merriment. Unlike before, this isn’t a stifled chuckle; this is a laugh right from the gut, the first I’ve had in a long time. It’s the result of our silly hare-brained scheme coming to fruition so perfectly.

“Rainbow! Is this another one of your pranks!?” Twilight picks her face out of the pie, her face covered with bits of pie crust and cherry filling. She notices just who all is laughing at her and gives us all a glare. “Wait, were you all in on this!? Even you, Seth!?”

“You know it!” Vinyl chokes out between laughs. She tries to calm down but dissolves into laughter once again after looking at Twilight’s face. “Oh...your face...stop looking at me...I'm gonna die!

“Fine… I guess you got me.” Twilight gives a little growl, and then she reaches a hoof up to her face in an attempt to wipe off some of the pie filling. Unfortunately for her, it's the sticky kind. “Oh, yuck! You couldn't have used something easier to clean up?!”

“Nope! Looks like somepony’s gonna need a shower! Look at you, all covered in my cherry pie!” Pinkie zips over to Twilight and gives her cheek a big lick, tasting some of the pie for herself. She nods as if pleased with the flavor, and then she looks back at us. “In fact, you could say that now, she’s my cherry pie!”

“Uuugh!” Twilight groans, but then she adopts a wry smile, admitting her defeat. “I have to say, this is the most involved prank you’ve ever done, Rainbow. You even got Seth in on it! Book conspiracy? A crusade? Where did you even get that from?”

“Well… not a clue! I just sorta made things up as we went,” Rainbow replies with a smirk. I proceed to throw the extinguished match at her. “Hey!”

“You didn’t read the script either!? You two are terrible!” I complain at her, earning an unashamed shrug from her. She then ducks her head to dodge the crumpled remains of the script I’d wasted my time devising.

“I’m glad to see you getting along with my friends, Seth...even if it took playing a practical joke on me to get there,” Twilight comments, the smile on her face seeming almost bittersweet for some reason. She then notes the book still in my hand. “You...weren’t really going to burn my book, were you?”

“Yes, actually,” I reply bluntly, much to her shock and horror. I pull out another match. “In fact, I still might.”

“What!? No! Give me that!” Twilight snatches the book out of my grasp with her magic and brings it over to her protectively. Vinyl, Rainbow, Pinkie, and I watch her with bated breath as she runs a hoof over the cover of the book. She attempts to open it. “I can’t believe you would do something so horrible as burn a defenseless...a defense…a def…”

Twilight, in the process of her trying to open the book, found that she couldn’t… because it was in fact a sanded wood construct we’d had commissioned that had been decorated to look exactly like her copy of the book.

“This isn’t a book.” Twilight expressed, bemused. The realization that she’d been fooled a second time caused her to let out a cry of anguish, which was enough to set us off into another bout of merriment. “Augh! You little pranksters got me again!”

“Yes! Double whammy!” Pinkie exults.

“Totally worth the effort!” Vinyl agrees.

“But then...where’s the actual book? The whole reason I came out here was to get it back,” Twilight asks.

“I hid it under your bed when you weren’t looking,” Rainbow supplies helpfully, the mare starting to wheeze from laughing so hard.

“Of course you did. May I use your kitchen sink, Vinyl? There appears to still be cherries on my face,” Twilight asks, thoroughly unamused. After receiving a nod from the still chortling Vinyl, she sighs and walks into the kitchen, where I soon hear running water pouring from the sink.

“I told you, right? The best reactions!” Rainbow reminds me once she’d caught her breath, a satisfied smirk crossing her face. “That was a totally great idea, Seth!”

“Alright, so maybe I did have a little bit of fun with that. Twilight’s face was...priceless, to say the least,” I force myself to admit to them. The pleased expressions on their faces as a result makes me groan and place my head into my hands. “But don’t expect me to go around pranking every pony I meet just because I might have a bit of a taste for it.”

“But every once in awhile, right?” Rainbow presses. I nod after a pause. I suppose there are worse things I could do with my free time, considering most of my prior hobbies aren’t available to me anymore. “Yes! Now we’re getting somewhere!”

“I’m just glad I got to be included in that. I’m with Dash; that was a great prank idea. Never thought you had it in you, Seth,” Vinyl adds. She sticks her hoof out. “Alright, everycreature; let’s bring it in for a prank well pulled!”

“Aw yeah!” Rainbow meets her hoof without hesitation.

“Right on!” Pinkie does the same, and then the three of them gaze at me expectantly, noticing that my hands are still securely in my pockets, as per usual.

I stare at their gathered hooves uncertainly. I’m not sure if I should be so friendly with them. The last thing I want to do is make any of them think that doing something together with me is enough to gain some ground with me. Despite my misgivings, however, I do have to admit that my spirits are slightly better than normal after this evening. I suppose that at least for that, I might as well humor them. I reach my hand out and place it atop their hooves.

“Yeah!” The three of them raise their hooves and let out a triumphant cry. Twilight steps out of the kitchen at that precise moment with her face clear of cherry pie, where she notices my participation in their merriment. She pauses and puts on a small smile, colored with a hint of sadness.

“So, who’s up for some post-prank donuts? They’re freshly made!” The moment Pinkie has a hoof free, she whips out the same box of donuts she’d shown us back in the shop. I goggle at her; I never saw her bring those with her, nor did I see from where she’d pulled them. Just another mystery to add to the list dedicated to Pinkie Pie. Pinkie then proceeds to chomp on the first one in the box. “Om nom nom...delish!”

“Donuts sound good.” Vinyl comments.

“I’m in!” Rainbow says instantly.

“I guess I can stay a little longer,” Twilight decides, moving to join our little group. She lifts up one of the donuts with her magic and takes a bite out of it. Her face takes on an unamused look. “Of course, they’re cherry flavored.”

The sound of laughter fills the room once more as my chaos-filled day finally comes to a close.

Author's Note:

I set into this chapter with a singular goal; I wanted to keep the Cherry Pie scene. Which meant I had to make this new Seth start liking pranks. So that was the premise of this entire chapter, which was significantly more challenging since I didn't have the whole thing with Pinkie to help me out. That being said, adding Pinkie to this scene was probably the best decision I could have made. I had way too much fun with her dialogue. Celestia vult!

But yes, I finally got around to working on this chapter. Like before, please thank Brave-Hooves and Vayne Hellslinger for editing this, and don't forget to leave a comment to tell me what you think!

Comments

[Double R Forrest]

Sweet! Nice to see this scene kept (albeit with slight alteration). Now how are we getting Seth into the Everfree this time around?

[lrc_languish]

Excellent! Thank you for coming back... it's been awhile.

Previously, the pranks from Seth's perspective were more like bullying, with the bully pranker doing something malicious and hurtful. After seeing how much fun Rainbow and her friends were having, it made sense that Seth would want to get in on the fun. In this way you made Seth into less of a jerk, he now knows its okay to just relax a bit and have fun every now and then. I like this change in Seth's character, makes him much more relatable.

[Sylif Daring Doo]

Hmmm.....well it's hard to judge the rewrite of a chapter when you don't remember the original very well, but I liked this, it showed that Seth, while reluctant to change, is at least willing to try, even if he doesn't realize it half the time.

And I'll be honest, I'm genuinely curious about how the dinner with the Apple family goes should he decide to join them.

[Yellowtail]

Nice

[mustangdrew4]

Nice. Even Seth joined in on the pranking. Good to see the man enjoying life if even only for a moment.

On a sad note, I'm running out of rewrite chapters
I was just starting to really enjoy reading this story too! Now I'm down to 3 chapters left. The horror!