Tales of the Oppressed

by Terran34

End of Story Special

The camera slowly pans into the filming studio, revealing it to be as tidy and organized as would be expected. Sitting in the director's chair is Terran34, looking much worse than he did before. His skin is pale from lack of sunlight, and his eyes puffy from lack of sleep. As the camera focuses on his face, he jerks awake. “Whoa, what? Oh, we're starting the special already?” he exclaimed. He quickly scrambled in the seat, sitting upright and straightening the wrinkles in his suit. “Ahem. Yes. I trust you'll edit this part out? Okay.”

Terran34 faced the camera calmly, putting on a smile. “Hello, readers! Welcome back to the end of the story special...and don't give me that face. You'll get the final chapter soon. Besides, if I didn't post this first, you guys wouldn't even read it, because why stick around after the final chapter?” He addressed the camera. The sound of groans echoes from the audience, causing a vein to twitch in the author's head. “I've got to do some research first! Cut me some slack!”

“Now then, I wanted to relay to you all how I feel about writing this story...” Terran34 starts to explain. As the author rants about crap you probably don't care about, Brave-Hooves walks tiredly into the studio, wearing a set of Applejack pajamas. He heaves a yawn...and then catches sight of the camera. He quickly scrambles away to go get changed. “And now, I'd like the thank the many people that have supported me since the...”

“Thank you for your patience, everypony!” Spike suddenly leaps in front of the camera, wearing a formal suit and tie, a microphone clasped tightly in one claw. Terran34 blinks at the interruption. “Here on SpikeTV, we're dedicated to delivering you the highest quality of entertaining and original TV series!”

“Spike...” Terran34 says flatly.

“And now we're back, to today's all new episode of Pony Fiction Investigated!” Spike continues heedlessly. He starts walking through the studio, the camera dutifully following him, such that the author is completely panned out of the shot. “Today, we're going behind the scenes of Tales of the Oppressed, to see what the original actors had to say about being part of this story!”

“Spike!” Terran34 repeats, raising his voice. Without another word, the camera pans back over to the author just long enough for Spike to shove him in a sack and tie the mouth closed. Wordlessly, Spike hands the yelling and struggling bag to Brave-Hooves, who obligingly takes it off screen.

“We offer our apologies for that pointless and distracting interruption, but now we can return to the program at hoof!” Spike continues to walk towards the edge of the studio. “Today, we have a very special gift for you all! We are here to offer you exclusive footage of the first time our favorite ponies set foot on stage, found only on SpikeTV!”

The First Audition:

The sound of clunking metal and squeaky audio can be heard as someone handles the camera horribly. This goes on for several seconds before the static on the screen gives way to actual video...of the ground.

Finally, the camera lifts up into an uncomfortable close up of Spike. “Okay, is this thing on?” Spike asks aloud, tapping the audio input to the point where it causes a loud scratching. “I see a red light. So I think it's on. Alright, let's do this. It's gonna be so great.”

Spike begins to walk with the camera down the studio hallway, snickering to himself under his breath as he does so. When he reaches the door at the end of the hallway, he opens it up and steps inside.

Inside is a small room that clearly serves as storage for several movie-making materials, such as camera tripods, badly constructed props, and other such things that should never see the light of day. In the center of the room are a series of chairs arranged in an arc. Each chair is filled by one of the six main characters of the show.

“There you are, Spike. Maybe now you can tell us what's going on?” Twilight addresses Spike, setting aside the book that she'd been reading. “Why have we been called here?”

“Yeah! I can't stand just sitting around, doing nothing. I could be practicing my new trick right now,” Rainbow complains, rocking in her chair back and forth.

“Especially in a place that desperately needs a makeover. I don't even see wallpaper on these walls!” Rarity agrees.

“Alright, settle down. Basically you've all been called here today because you are going to be participating in yet another fanfiction!” Spike announces proudly. All six of them stop talking immediately...and then they all release various sighs and groans of annoyance.

“Okay...so who am ah having sex with this time? Am I going with Rainbow again? My brother? Or heaven forbid, Apple Bloom?” Applejack asks resignedly. She suddenly becomes aware of all the others giving her strange looks. Applejack looks defensive. “What? Fanfiction writers are really weird.”

“Spike, can you tell the author we simply don't have time to sit through another shipfic?” Twilight asks hopefully. “I mean, that's all they usually are....besides, it's always Trixie, Celestia, or my brother. It's really awkward!”

“Actually, that last one was my fanfiction!” Pinkie admits gleefully.

“That explains a lot,” Applejack quips.

“Nope, he's super determined about doing this!” Spike answers cheerfully, enjoying this far more than he should. “But don't worry, I think you'll like this. It's called Tales of the Oppressed, and it's a human in Equestria story!”

There's another chorus of groans. Fluttershy, however, bursts into tears. “It's going to be me, isn't it? It's always me in these human stories...curse my own popularity...” she moans with despair.

“At least you have admirers. It's never me. I don't get shipfics. At least with anything normal! Why, the majority of my stories are with Sweetie Belle! The horror! The scandal!” Rarity exclaims.

“Um...hello? Rarijack! One of the most popular pairings ever!” Pinkie reminds her. Rarity and Applejack look at one another, visibly coloring as they recall their various shipfic escapades together. “No, you want to know who's unpopular in shipfics, it's me!”

“That's because your character is so...complex,” Rainbow responds tactfully. “No seriously, Spike, who's the love interest? There's ALWAYS a love interest in these human stories...and stop crying, Fluttershy!”

“Hm, let's see here,” Spike flips through a sheaf of papers that he has in his free claw. “Huh...it's you, Rainbow.”

“Oh thank Celestia!” Fluttershy gasps in relief, while Rainbow just sits there with a twitching right eye.

“Oh you've got to be kidding,” Rainbow emits, facehoofing. The others adopt relieved expression as well...Applejack in particular starts snickering at Rainbow's misfortune. Resigned, she looks at Spike again. “So...who's the lucky guy huh? Is he at least hot?”

“Okay, once second.” Spike turns around to view the door, opening it once more. “Okay, come on in, Seth. They're ready to meet you now!”

Seth, dressed in his early college outfit, steps inside, peering around at the ponies with a pensive expression. Rainbow hops up from the chair and hovers up to him to get a closer look. “...he looks like a girl,” Rainbow observes...and then immediately ducks when Seth swings a fist at her.

“Fuck you! Everybody says that! Why!?” Seth starts to cry, triggered through his bullshit anime character backstory.

“Oh come now, dear, there's nothing wrong with looking a little on the effeminate side,” Rarity attempts to reassure him. “This just means a wider variety of clothes will look good on you. I mean, I'm assuming I'm the one making the clothes? That's how these human in Equestria stories usually work, right?”

“Make sure ya make him something good for hard work. Cuz of course he's gonna be workin' on the farm. Ah mean, the humans always work on the farm in these stories,” Applejack advises Rarity.

“Oh, I can just hear the author steaming with every word you all say. This is so awesome,” Spike gloats, gleefully rubbing his claws together. “So what do you think, Rainbow? Is he good-looking enough for you?”

Rainbow peers closely at Seth, who shifts uncomfortably under her stare. She tilts her head to one side. “Meh. I guess it could be worse,” she admits at last.

“Meh? I thought you were into mares, Rainbow?” Applejack quips with a dirty grin. Rainbow slowly turns her head to glare at the farmer pony.

“Okay, first off, he's not a mare, he's just a very effeminate stallion. Second off, that rumor came from fanfiction! It's not my fault I keep getting paired with you! Or Twilight...or Fluttershy...or Scootaloo...or...the kitchen sink. Don't ask about that one. I think the only straight pairing I have is Soarin!” Rainbow laments. “I mean, come on, all he does is make awkward pie jokes! I can never take it seriously!”

“Now then, moving right along, Seth,” Spike takes the camera and orients it on the thoroughly unamused human. “How do you feel about being the main character of the best human in Equestria story to ever exist?”

“Like everyone I know and love is dead,” Seth responds without missing a beat.

“Ah don't be that way, Seth. After all, you're being paired with me, and everypony knows I'm the coolest mare on this show,” Rainbow proclaims, to the annoyance of her friends. She then turns to the camera. “So is the author going to see this, or what?”

“Oh yeah...I'm gonna play it back to him after he starts writing the last chapter. I'll tie him down for it too,” Spike responds with an evil grin. “Why, something you want to say to him?”

“Yeah, there is. So, mister author guy. Since you've made me the love interest, your story just got...” Rainbow gets up close to the camera. She whips out a pair of dark tinted shades from nowhere and slips them on. “...twenty percent cooler.”

The room erupts into a chorus of groans, complete with Twilight beating her head with her book. “Must...erase...horrible...meme...”

“Oh come on, Rainbow!”

“Dash!”

The last thing that's heard before the camera goes blank is Rainbow questioning, “...wait, he's going to make me tsundere, isn't he?”

The camera goes blank again, until finally the studio is revealed again back in the current time. Just behind the suited Spike is the author tied up and gagged, forced to watch the interviews where the main characters made fun of story tropes.

“Thank you all for watching today's captivating episode of Pony Fictions Investigated! Make sure to tune back in for more thrilling episodes, all here on SpikeTV!” Spike finishes with a flourish and a bow.

Seth walks into the shot, sitting the chair next to the author. “That was a complete waste of time!” he lamented, as Brave-Hooves chuckled in the background.

---

Eventually the cast gets ready for the filming of the final scenes in the fic. Terran34 stands in the studio with Brave-Hooves, rubbing his forehead as he tries not to think about how badly this could go. “Alright, everyone, we've just got a little bit more until the end of the story. Put in your best effort, and this'll be over before you know it!” the author calls to Seth and the others as they fill the room. He then turns to Brave-Hooves. “You did set up the speaker system properly, right? We need the soundtrack, otherwise the scene loses half the impact.”

“Calm your shit, I took care of it,” Brave-Hooves assures Terran34, holding the remote in his hoof. He starts to snicker under his breath. “I got this under control.”

“Okay, then let's start with the attack on Hawke's base. Remember your lines, ponies!” Terran34 calls, and then the first screening begins.

Attack on Hawke's Base: (Inspired by Brave-Hooves)

Music: Star Wars: Return of the Jedi - Endor Chase

My mouth drops as the lightning cuts right through the armor of the ship and blasts it to pieces, causing the engine to explode violently and hurl debris in every direction. Even that's not enough; the lightning streaks right through the wreckage and destroys the airship behind that as well, before finally dissipating.

“What in tarnation!?” Applejack cries out.

“Aaah, what's going on!?” Rainbow screams.

“Trixie didn't sign on for this!”

“Jesus fuck!” I shout with my hands clapped to my ears. All of us throw ourselves to the deck as debris rains down on our ship, consisting of shards of metal and burning wood. When I feel like it's safe enough to move, I turn to Mist. “Hold on a minute, that shot came from the cannon! That thing's operational?!”

“Seth, that cannon is getting ready to fire again!” Rainbow cries out, jabbing her hoof down towards the colossal weapon, which is already starting to hum. “What do we do!”

“Take evasive action!” Swift yells up to the griffon at the helm. He immediately jerks the wheel in an attempt to get the airship far away from that cannon.

Finally the cannon lights up the sky with a piercing white again, and this time the bolt of destructive lightning is heading directly towards us. “It's a trap!” Seth calls...

...and then the soundtrack ends, courtesy of an annoyed author. Seth turns towards the backdrop grinning. “What? You wrote trap after trap into this thing, and you didn't expect one of us to make that joke?”

“I did...but I was holding out hope that you guys would actually act professional for once. Sue me for being wrong,” Terran34 retorts.

A Different Soundtrack Take 1:

Music: Ride of the Valkyries

At long last, the flagship of the griffon fleet emerges from the veil of snow, parting the falling white curtain like water. Immediately, my team and I head out from below deck and head to the forecastle of the ship. Following us are the scores of griffons that have been hiding below with us, as well as Mist. Zythe flies up to the wheel and callously shoves Pterax out of the way, taking his rightful position at the helm.

“Griffons! Prepare to take flight!” Zythe roars from the stern, spreading his wings wide. A cheer rises from the ranks of the griffons. The sound of metal grinding against metal fills the air as the gunports on the hull of the ship open up, and the black barrels of lethal cannons emerge. “Roll out the cannons! We're taking the fight to the enemy!”

Standing on the prow of the ship, I look forward at the horizon. A wide open valley presents itself before us, an untouched carpet of snow stretching out all the way towards the still smoking dormant volcano, where Hawke's facility is nestled up against its side.

It isn't long before our encroaching fleet is noticed by the enemy. Undead fliers reveal themselves from the nooks and crevices of the geothermal plant, taking off in a swarm of black dots and heading directly for us.

“Fire the forward cannons!” Zythe orders as he takes to the air. At the front of each airship are two smaller guns in the style of swivel cannons, the type that you'd see on old 18th century ships. They are quickly manned by separate griffons and oriented upon the approaching undead. The air soon fills with the booming sound of firing cannons as the swivel guns unload into the undead, shredding anything unlucky enough to be hit. Zythe grins at the carnage and looks back at the other griffons.“First division, flock to me and prepare to intercept! I'm ready to shed some blood!”

Brave-Hooves turns in his seat over to Terran34, grinning and holding the remote. “I notice you haven't called cut yet. It works, doesn't it?”

“Yes it does...but there's no way I can use it, because nobody would take this scene seriously,” Terran34 admits with a dry smile. Eventually he stands up. “Cut!”

The sound of groans and complaints fills the room. “Oh come on! I know it's a good song, but there are some songs I just can't use! It's like using the Fairy Tail Main Theme, everybody knows what it's from and what it stands for, so it doesn't have the same impact!”

“Nobody cares about the music as much as you do, idiot!” Somepony calls from offscreen, causing Terran34 to run out of the shot in search of the speaker, while Brave-Hooves laughs.

“I think the music is an integral part of the experience,” Octavia's voice inputs from somewhere.

“You're not even in the scene!” The rest of the audience yells back at her.

A Different Soundtrack Take 2:

“But if you are like me, no amount of words will convince you of the truth,” I say sadly. I reach up towards the edge of my burned jacket and slide it off, tossing it aside. Beneath, all I'm wearing is a sleeveless green shirt to match my eyes. I clench my fists and start to power up, my aura towering even higher than before. “Come on, Hawke. Enough feeling each other out. I'm going to show you what I've learned myself.”

Hawke's eyes narrow, and then he nods. He slides off his white gloves, one by one, and drops them to the rocky ground. Then, he reaches up to the collar of his coat and starts to unbutton it. Once it's fully unbuttoned, he takes off the garment and lets it fall atop his gloves. Beneath, he's wearing similar clothing to me: a sleeveless tight fitting black shirt. His corded muscles clearly stand out, now revealed from the long sleeves of his coat.

Suddenly, he pauses and looks up towards the ceiling where the music is coming from. “Excuse me! Do I look like the personified anger of some super-dimensional being?”

“That game sucks!” Seth agrees, hurling his sword up to the speaker, breaking it. “I mean, what happened to the awesome thing we were going to do, where you use my old theme song for the fight? You know, mirror of myself?”

“But...but...there's lava...and the atmosphere is similar...so I thought,” Terran34 weakly tries to explain from backstage.

“That is the weakest argument I've ever heard,” Seth states flatly. “Hawke, screw our fight. Let's just beat the crap out of the writer.”

“Agreed,” Hawke responds, cracking his knuckles. Terran34 immediately bolts from his chair and leaves the studio with the two in hot pursuit.

Brave-Hooves sits in silence, unmoving, for several seconds. “So...what, am I the writer now?” he asks aloud. There's no answer, as the room is completely empty. A grin crosses his face, and then he pulls out a laptop. He opens a new document and labels it Chapter 133: Seth's Desires. Brave-Hooves starts to type, echoing the words aloud to himself. “Rainbow Dash and Applejack descend upon Seth's naked body...”

The Chapter Title Gave This Joke Away:

Hawke’s face contorts with hate at my words. “They would never help me. They never helped her. The only time they saw fit to help me is when they could use it to control me! And I wouldn't have it!”

“I'm so damn sick of you ponies always trying to sucker me in with these favors of yours. I won't have it, you hear me? I WON'T HAVE IT!”

I close my eyes and sigh, nodding my head. I never thought that this would be the case. He doesn't just sound like me. He's me...the me that I would have become without the friends that I've made here. I can’t help but ask myself...if I had lost Amaryllis...would I have gone to Sombra willingly, as he had?

Wait, hold on a minute....is this supposed to be me? How I was back then? Would I have become this murderous? No...no, I refuse to accept this. “I....you need to listen to yourself...Hawke,” I try to tell him.

“No. You need to stop deluding yourself, Seth. You hated everyone...and everything...all because of some stupid girl that wouldn't let you go,” Hawke sneers, his tone suddenly changing. His voice becomes eerily distorted, and his eyes start to glow yellow. “Even people that didn't really deserve it...and even people that just annoyed you were utter trash.”

“No...that's not true...I didn't feel that way...” I try to argue, but Hawke won't let me finish. He steps ever closer to me.

“Did you ever stop to realize that maybe it wasn't them that was the problem? Did you ever consider that maybe it was you that was a whiny, unlikable, worthless little bitch?” Hawke accuses, jabbing his finger at me.

“Stop!” I cry out, unable to take it.

“All in all...despite your so called hatred for the world, you clung to your brother and that girl...all because you really didn't want to be alone after all,” Hawke declares, coming to a halt. “I know how you feel; I know what you're thinking. It's because I am you...”

“Screw that!” I yell out angrily. “You're....”

“Uh oh...” a voice utters from off screen, a slight bit of panic in his voice. “No...stop it, Seth. Don't...”

“You're...!” I growl, trying as hard as I can to get the words out.

“Don't you do it! I mean it!” the voice called again.

“You're not...!”

“BRO DON'T YOU DO IT!”

“You're not me!” I yell as loud as I can, powering up to the max, even powering to my transformed state.

“Oh, son of a bitch. I haven't grinded enough for this...”

“You're right...I am a shadow...I am the true self!” Hawke's fingers elongate and taper to points, forming vicious claws. A line of a black substance shoots through his right eye, causing flakes of skin to crumble and peel away.

“Okay, STOP! CUT!” Terran34 calls, his eyebrow twitching. “That was way off script, but it was actually pretty good...until I realized you were ripping off Persona 4 the whole time! The fuck, guys!?”

“Dude, you're the one who named the chapter 'I'll Face Myself.' I don't know what you expected,” Brave-Hooves points out. Terran34's response is to just let his head fall forward onto his desk.

Healing Rainbow Take 1: (was actually going to be canon before I realized how stupid it was)

“Thanks. Think you can touch up Rainbow, too?” I ask, knowing full well that Chrysalis is going to be annoyed. Sure enough, Chrysalis scoffs. The glare she gives the sleeping Rainbow clearly says what she thinks about that request.

“Ugh. It was already a stretch for me to heal her the first time. Now you want me to do it again?” Chrysalis grumbles. She turns back to me with a defiant expression. “No. She can suffer for all I care.”

“Oh, don't be petty. Just fucking heal her, please. It'll take you less than a second,” I snap at her, annoyed.

“I think not. That's less than a second that I could be using doing something other than healing the pony I hate,” Chrysalis hisses stubbornly. God, this is annoying. “Now, I do believe I'm done here. I think I want to take a look at this other human.”

Just as Chrysalis is walking away, a dumb idea comes to mind. Deciding to act on it, I step forward, catching up to Chrysalis in a few large strides. Before she realizes what I'm doing, I reach out my hand up to her head...and lightly start scratching behind her ears.

“What the devil are you...ooh,” Chrysalis reacts angrily at first, but soon lets out a contented moan. She leans her head up into my fingers, a silly smile on her face. “Ooh, that's amazing...yes, I'll heal whoever you want if you just keep doing that...”

“I can't believe that worked,” I whisper to myself.

Healing Rainbow Take 2:

“Mm...that's not good enough,” Chrysalis responds, infuriating me even further. “I think you should be a little more complimentary. Unless you'd rather stay in this infirmary for another day or so until Celestia gets here.”

“You little...!” I start to say, but her eyes narrow, such that I cut off and sigh in frustration. I groan and rub my forehead, before finally looking back at Chrysalis. Every fiber of my being wants to die before saying this, but it's either this or sit around completely unable to move. “Okay, fine. Please heal me, oh most esteemed Queen Chrysalis, she who is more beautiful and intelligent than Celestia.”

“I beg your pardon?!” Celestia demands, walking through the door with an affronted expression on her face. I freeze in place, my blood turning to ice. Her power starts to swirl up from around her hooves, promising impending pain.

“Oh fuck me,” I groan helplessly, as Chrysalis snickers and leaps out the window.

Limited Options: (inspired by TwiAmeliaSparkle)

Hawke and Seth stand in the cell together, completely alone and away from prying eyes. Hawke is looking down at the ground, his hands clasped behind his back. Seth looks somewhat uncomfortable from the unending silence, as neither of them seem to know what to say.

“I think it will be some time before I'm used to this world,” Hawke admits, breaking the silence.

“You mean because of all the magic and stuff?” Seth asks, glad that they can talk about something relatively normal. Hawke shakes his head solemnly.

“I am referring to the lack of options when it comes to...well...romance,” Hawke explains. Seth blinks, flushing a little. “Have you ever...”

“What? I...that's hardly any of your business!” Seth stammers, his face turning nine different shades of red.

“I've seen how you look at the one with the rainbow mane,” Hawke continues, his eyes fixated on Seth's. “I mean, I won't judge you. It's not like there's anything left.”

“No! I am not having this conversation! Just stop!” Seth wails, growing even more embarrassed. There's a short silence.

“So does their fur tickle when you...” Hawke starts to say, but Seth interrupts him with an anguished yell. “I mean...we are very sensitive in that area...”

“I swear upon all that is holy, if you don't shut the hell up, I'm going to find another pool of lava to drop you in,” Seth tells him flatly.

“What was the slang phrase that we humans used to use?” Hawke attempts to recall, oblivious to the magically powering up Seth. “I believe it was...dat flank, yo.”

“THAT'S IT!” Seth lunges across the room, swinging a punch directly for Hawke's face.

Hawke lifts up an arm and blocks the attack easily, his face unfazed. “Of course, if you wish to restrict yourself to other members of the species, there's always you and I.”

“What!?” Seth's voice goes up several pitches at that very suggestion. Hawke remains unblinking.

“...the fangirls would like it.”

---

In the studio, Terran34 and Brave-Hooves are laughing so hard, that they're practically crying. “I don't think any of them realize that we were rolling the whole time!” Terran34 howls with merriment, holding his ribs. “Oh god, my sides!”

“This shit is going right on YouTube!” Brave-Hooves agrees.

Hawke's Secret: (inspired by Brave-Hooves)

The four of us descend the staircase into the dank prison, whose cells have long since been emptied. The only cell that is occupied is the one at the far end of the dungeon, which also happens to be the largest and lowest one.

A shimmering opaque wall of magic covers the cell door like an ethereal curtain, letting me know that the cell is warded with magic. I don't know how well it could stand up to Hawke, but it's not a bad idea. At the very least, it could buy some time.

“Can he hear us in there?” I ask, leaning over to Iron.

“He shouldn't be able to. The ward is designed to block sound and light in all directions,” Iron answers. Huh, so a bit like a one-way mirror, except with sound. That's pretty useful. “He shouldn't even know that we're out here.”

“Huh. Okay then. Guess I'm going in,” I say with a shrug. Without another word, I walk through the barrier, wondering what I'm going to see on the other side.

Out of everything I expected, it certainly wasn't this. The first thing I see upon walking inside is Hawke dancing as though he were at a rock concert, bobbing his head to the beat of a...very girly sounding song that's blaring from the boombox next to this bed.

The second Hawke notices my presence, he freezes completely still, as though he were a statue. He and look at one another, completely speechless, the song playing in the background.

Hawke straightens up and glares. “You saw...nothing.”

Hawke's Proposal: (inspired by Cereal-killer)

Hawke's eyes are filled with confusion, even as he instinctively starts to chew the cupcake. He lifts up a hand to prevent crumbs from falling on his coat until he finishes eating it. He conjures a handkerchief from nowhere and wipes his mouth with it. Once he's finished, he tosses the handkerchief upwards, where it disappears back into his magic.

“Well? Tell me what you think, silly!” Pinkie exclaims, bouncing up and down in place. That same action causes the cupcakes to act similarly, yet none of them fall over or get smashed for some physics defying reason.

When we can see Hawke's face again, his expression is one of complete and utter happiness, tears streaming down his face. He approaches Pinkie unsteadily, and then he goes down on one knee, pulling a rock out of the air with his magic. He rushes his hands over it, forming it into coal...and then he crushes it in his hands. When he reveals it, a diamond ring is clasped between his fingertips.

“Pinkie Pie...will you marry me?” Hawke proposes, causing everyone in the room to complete scatter their jaws across the floor from utter shock. “I can't live without this sugary goodness any longer! I need you in my life!”

“Ohmigosh! Yes! Look at this! Someone wants to be shipped with me for once! Take it down on record!” Pinkie squeals in shock and happiness. “Pinkie Pie is best housewife!”

Spike sidles into the room, a grin on his face. “Don't you mean...horsewife?” Immediately, Spike is kicked out of the room by Seth. “I regret nothing!”

“By the way,” Brave-Hooves leans over to Terran34 in the studio, completely straight-faced. “By 'sugary goodness,' do you think he meant the cupcake, or...”

Terran34 immediately slams Brave-Hooves into the ground with a single fist, knocking him unconscious. “Don't you even think about making that joke,” he asserted.

Hawke then leaned into the studio. “I meant both.”

“Goddammit!” Terran34 raged.

Because Why Not:

“Now, perhaps you wouldn't mind accompanying me to someplace with less prying ears?” Chrysalis requests of Hawke, giving him a rather sultry expression. She isn't wasting any time. Giving up immediately on Seth, she goes to the nearest human. As Seth expected, she just wants to possess one of them. “I believe you and I have much to discuss.”

Hawke ignores Chrysalis at first, instead moving past her and helping Mist up from the floor. Then he turns back to the queen with a cold expression. “You have my thanks for healing me,” he states calmly. “But I have no interest in you. Begone.”

The record immediately screeches to a halt as everybody immediately reacts to that statement. “OOOOOH!” Seth calls out, his hands cupped around his mouth. A crowd of fans bursts in through the studio, crowding into the set and jeering at Chrysalis. Even Terran34 and Brave-Hooves burst through the backdrop, joining their voices to the chorus of jeers.

“BURN!”

“ZING!”

“GET REKT!”

“OOOOOH!”

“YOU JUST GOT TOLD!”

Chrysalis just stands there with a very annoyed expression. “You realize this is just my script, right?” she points out, but nobody is listening to her. She sighs and blows the entire set away with her magic. “You know what, to Tartarus with all of you.”

Attack on the Crystal Empire Take 1:

General Shatter paces back and forth on the battlements of the constructed walls. Nearby are several undead, as well as General Glass. Shatter peers over the ramparts, gazing at the horizon. However, there's no sign of the enemy forces just yet.

“Remember the plan, Glass,” Shatter says to the larger earth pony. Glass was a bit...dumb, for lack of a better phrase, so Shatter knew he had to reiterate the plan several times until it stuck. “When the enemy appears, retreat and hide with the second half of the force, and then wait for them to get inside before crushing them with a pincer attack. I'll handle the heavy hitters.”

“Plans!? I have no need of plans! I am Glass! The...” Glass starts to proclaim.

“...gods themselves fear your name, right,” Shatter finishes for him, rolling his eyes. He'd heard this sermon over and over again, so he had it memorized. “You'll tear down Canterlot stone by stone, and blah blah blah. Just do your job, for Sombra's sake.”

“Hey...what is that?” Glass suddenly asks, pointing a hoof over the ramparts. Shatter blinks and turns to look as well...and then his eyes widen with shock.

In the distance, just coming from over the mountains, is a storm system larger than any he'd ever seen before. The blackening, threatening clouds surge over the skyline towards the Crystal Empire, lightning sparking within their interiors.

“That's not a thunderstorm...that's not a gale...and that's certainly not even a hurricane! What...is...that, what IS THAT!?” Shatter demands shrilly, his voice rising in panic. The storm grew ever and ever closer...and then the wind slams against the walls with an immense force. Shatter could even see multiple funnel clouds forming at the base of the storm system. “What's causing that?! Wait...is that...”

Shatter suddenly cuts off as he sees the cause behind it all. At the very forefront of the storm system...is the city of Cloudsdale, its weather factory tasked to capacity as it adds to the storm that's now so large, Shatter was wondering if he needed to go make a second Ark.

Suddenly, as the storm reaches the city, lightning arcs through the air, striking both Shatter and Glass, rendering them screaming and twitching on the ground. On top of Cloudsdale, heading up the storm front, is Rainbow and Seth, the both of them dressed in black outfits, complete with metal studded bracelets and collars, as well as headbands with devil horns on them.

“I guess you've been...” Seth begins, sliding on sunglasses. All of Cloudsdale's residents appear behind him, similarly dressed, just as the storm's tornadoes touch down and obliterate the walls and undead in the way.

“THUNDERSTRUCK!”

Attack on the Crystal Empire Take 2: (inspired by TwiAmeliaSparkle and Brave-Hooves)

Seth and the other main characters stand on the top deck of the flagship, on their way with the rest of the allied forces to the Crystal Empire; it all comes down to this one battle, and everyone knew it. The stress was starting to set in.

“Don't just stand there, you numbskulls! Do something productive!” Zythe yells from the helm, glaring at the seven of them. “Batten down the hatches! Tend to the burner! Just don't stand around! It sets a bad example for my griffons!”

“Aye aye, captain!” Seth and the others chorus...except for Rainbow. At our response, she raises an eyebrow.

“'Aye aye?' What are we, pirates?” Rainbow asks wryly. She watches her friends all look between one another, shifty looks on their faces. Rainbow suddenly comes to a realization. She looks at the way the airship is structured, at the way the balloon is colored and designed similar to sails, and then at the grizzled captain. “Oh dear Celestia, we are pirates.”

Seth snickers under his breath. “Oh my god, and we're even going to raid a city. Pirate ponies. What next?” he jokes. The others laugh at that. There's a short silence, and then Seth starts to sing quiet. “My little pirate~”

Twilight giggles, and then she follows up. “I used to wonder how raiding could be~” she sings, a bit louder. As if they'd been preparing for this, the usual orchestra for the original song starts to play in the background. Rarity grins widely, and then she dashes into the cabin for half a second before returning. In a split second, she dresses all seven of them up in pirate outfits, complete with cutlasses, hats, and a parrot for Rainbow....just in time for the next time. “Until you all shared it's plunder with me!”

“Big adventure...” Rainbow joins in.

“Tons of fun~!” Pinkie trills.

“A beautiful ship...” Rarity begins.

“...with lots of sails!” Applejack continues.

“Sharing treasure...” Fluttershy swings sweetly. Suddenly, there's the sound of a record screeching to a halt, the orchestra dying down. Fluttershy quails as all of her friends stare at her at once.

“What the...no, Fluttershy, we don't do that; we're pirates!” Rainbow corrects her friend with exasperation.

“Oh...um...sorry,” Fluttershy apologies, dipping her head. After a short silence, the record slowly winds back up, the music fading back in.

“My little pirate~” they all sing together. “Because you know you're all my very best crew~!”

“STOP SINGING AND GET TO WORK!” Zythe screeches down upon them.

One Does Not Simply Charge into the Crystal Empire: (inspired by Nitrous Rainbows)

Princess Celestia stands at the head of the army, fully suited up in her red and golden armor and wielding her shield and sword. Standing beside her is a soldier carrying the Equestrian flag, which waves proudly in the breeze, raising the morale of all who gaze upon it.

The princess stares grimly at the Crystal Empire. Once, the Crystal Tower used to be a beautiful building, the highlight of a once glorious empire. But now, it looks nothing like it used to. Gone are the serene crystalline colors and smooth angles, to be replaced with sick and twisted black crystal. The edges are jagged and sharp like a guillotine, and its spires jutting up into the air like twisted pikes, their tops burning with a sickly purple fire. The spire itself shoots up into the air like a pillar of darkness, widening out into a platform up top.

Dark clouds swirl around the top of the tower, covering the land in darkness. Lightning flashes from within the clouds, causing faint thunder to peal through the air. If King Sombra's going to be anywhere, it's up there. I can just feel it.

Celestia turns around, meeting the eyes of each and every one of her soldiers assembled before her. This is the final battle, and everypony knows it. “My dear and most loyal subjects,” Celestia begins...but then she's suddenly cut off as Seth front flips out of the ranks of the army and lands right on her back. Unlike before, now Seth is wearing a full set of plate mail armor, complete with a white gold crown resting atop his head. In one hand is a shining regal longsword, the likes of which only kings would wield. Celestia turns her head slowly. “Seth...may I ask what it is that you are doing?”

“Shhh, Celestia, I'm borrowing your back for a second. It'll be great,” Seth whispers to her. Celestia looks less than amused. Seth yelps as he feels her getting ready to buck him. He gives her a pleading expression. “Please, just give me this.”

Celestia sighs. “Fine...but don't take too long,” she relents. She can't help but smile when Seth practically squees with happiness. Seth then lightly spurs Celestia into motion. Galloping across the field in front of their army, Seth puts on a serious expression.

“Hold your ground! Sons and daughters of Equestria!” Seth yells out loud enough to be heard by the whole army. “Of Bleak Island! My brothers and sisters!”

Seth slows down, peering forward to meet the gazes of everypony he comes across. “I see it in your eyes...the same fear that would take the heart of me!” he declares fervently.

Terran34 blinks, and then he and Brave-Hooves look at one another. “Hold on a minute, this seems familiar.” the author comments.

“A day may come when the courage of ponies fails...when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of harmony!” Seth admits...but then he turns around, lifting his sword. “But it is not this day!”

“He's really doing this, isn't he?” Brave-Hooves deadpans, rubbing his forehead.

“Ah, cut him some slack. It's the only motivational speech he knows,” Rainbow remarks. Instead of standing with the army with the others, she's sitting next to Terran34.

“An hour of timberwolves...and shattered shields...when the age of ponies comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight!” Seth shamelessly continues to rip off the popular speech...but the ponies are loving it because most of them have no idea. “By all that you hold dear...on this good land...I bid you stand, ponies of Equestria!”

Seth turns and leads the charge, Celestia galloping beneath him with a very unamused expression on her face. Behind him, the fooled ponies cheer loudly and thunder along the ground behind him as the allied forces begin their charge. “Heh...Seth one, bucket list zero,” he whispers to himself triumphantly.

“I think I just died a little inside,” Terran34 groans. “Cut!”

“No, fuck you! It was going to be great!” Seth yells harshly with anguish. “I spent weeks on this cosplay!”

More Lord of the Rings References:

Applejack and Rainbow tear into the enemy themselves, letting out cries of their own as they lay flat any undead in their way with their powerful hooves. Together, the two of them easily intercept an undead manticore and beat it into submission with their superior speed. “Let's see if ah kin take down more o' these varmints than you, Rainbow Dash!” Applejack challenges her friend as the two fight side by side.

“Oh, you're so on!” Rainbow shoots back with a grin.

---

The general skids across the street. When he comes to a halt, he looks up...right into Applejack's eyes. She's glaring down at him with a terrifying expression on her face, promising pain to the one who dared point his weapon at a filly. Shatter starts to back away, fear filling his eyes.

“No...no...this can't be happening...” Shatter whimpers, unable to comprehend that he had just been defeated by a simple farmer earth pony. He backs away across the street faster, but Applejack gets closer and closer, no mercy in her eyes. “You're just an earth pony! Who do you think you are!?”

“The name's Applejack,” is all she says, before she stomps down both hooves onto Shatter's chest. Shatter's mouth opens wide, blood and saliva spraying into the air as the wind whooshes out of his lungs. At last, he falls limp, unconscious. There's a silence as my team and I look at Shatter's defeated form. None of us can believe what we just saw.

Applejack walks up to Rainbow Dash, who is standing there, utterly dumbfounded. Finally, she finds her voice.

“THAT STILL ONLY COUNTS AS ONE!” Rainbow shouts.

Seth's Worst Nightmare:

“If I remember correctly, this should be it,” Seth states, looking down at the map in his hands. Next to him is Rainbow, the mare wearing her armor. The sounds of the raging battle for the Crystal Empire still filter in through the windows faintly. Seth looks up to see the singular crystalline door in front of him. “Alright, here goes I guess.”

Seth reaches forward and grasps the handle. When he pulls open the door, he squints as a bright light streams out from the crack. It eventually overtakes him, forcing him to shut his eyes. A rushing sound fills the air, and he starts to feel dizzy.

When he next opens his eyes, he blinks. For some reason, he's wearing nothing other than his boxers, and he's lying in his bed back at his house in Ponyville. “What the hell?” he remarks, looking around.

“I...I finished cleaning the living room like you asked...” Seth looks up to see the absolute most terrifying thing he's ever seen. Rainbow walks into the room, blushing up a storm and wearing a formfitting maid outfit, complete with an awkward set of white panties that have a hole just for the tail. Rainbow looks down at the ground, her rump swaying from side to side. “Did I do good, goshujinsama?”

“What the fuck!?” Seth demands, his eyes widening and his heart rate quickening. Rainbow gets closer, her expression becoming seductive and a small smile forming on her muzzle. “No...stay away!”

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Seth-goshujinsama?” Rainbow climbs on top of the bed, pressing a hoof on his belly, which then starts to droop lower. “Maybe...some other desires I can fulfill?”

“No! Nooo! NOOO!” Seth wails piteously...until suddenly he jerks awake to find himself back in the Crystal Tower, his body trembling. Beside him is Rainbow, who seems to have been shaking him. “Wait, wha...?”

“Seth, are you okay? You just opened that door and starting screaming,” Rainbow asks anxiously. Seth turns to look at her...and even though she's not wearing it, he can't help but picture her in that outfit again. He chokes and looks away. “Seth?”

“Oh god, I can't even look at you,” he moans, as Rainbow stands there in confusion.

Seth's Worst Nightmare (continued): (inspired by Brave-Hooves)

Rainbow yawns and hops up out of bed, having slept in her house that night because she had to get up extremely early. Just as she is starting to get ready for work that day, her window opens. She turns to see a bemused looking Princess Luna fly in through the window.

“Princess Luna? What are you doing here?” Rainbow inquires, walking up to the princess. Luna looks rather uncomfortable for whatever reason. “Something wrong?”

“Not necessarily...we were...slightly confused about something. We hoped thou wouldst clarify for us,” Luna expresses to Rainbow.

“Sure. What's up?” Rainbow responds amicably.

“'Tis about Seth. Ever since that day at the Crystal Tower, when he opened that enchanted door, Seth has been having...bizarre nightmares, to say the least. We have been spending many nights on him,” Luna reveals. Rainbow starts to look a little worried at the thought of her coltfriend suffering. “There is one...particular phrase that keeps reappearing.”

“What is it?” Rainbow asks anxiously.

“Dost thou know what...'onii-chan' means?”

#WhyDidIStartWatchingThisAnime Take 1: (inspired by Brave-Hooves)

Rainbow barges into Seth's room with a grin, not even caring that the door was shut. Seth looks up from his reading in annoyance, as he had shut that door on purpose to keep other ponies out. “Hey Seth, I gotta show you something!” Rainbow declares happily.

“Rainbow, I wanted to be left alone so I could finish this book! Don't you know what a shut door means?” Seth demands irritably. Rainbow ignores him, instead hopping up and grabbing him by the scruff of his shirt. “Hey!”

“Be angry later, it's time to be amazed right now,” Rainbow tells him excitedly, hurling him to the bed. “So you know how all ponies have innate magic, right?”

“Yeah, so what?” Seth grunts, half curious despite himself.

“Check this out!” Rainbow declares. She makes a series of strange motions with her hooves, and then claps them together. “Transformation no Jutsu!”

Seth's jaw drops as Rainbow disappears in a puff of smoke...to be replaced by a very attractive human woman...who is completely naked. Her unblemished skin is a gentle shade of cyan, and her multicolored hair is short and curls at the neck. Her eyes are a round, liquid magenta, and are set in a cute tomboyish face, with a small nose and pert lips. Rainbow straightens up quickly, causing her bust to bounce in the process, and spreads her legs slightly.

“So...you ready to give up that book now?” Rainbow questions him, her voice unchanged from before. She climbs on top of the bed, approaching Seth on all fours.

“Yes...yes please...” Seth murmurs, causing Rainbow to grin. “Well, I guess I have to start praying, because there is a god.”

Offscreen in the studio, Terran34 is staring blatantly at the scene that he just called cut on...though no one was in a hurry to usher them off the set. He slowly turns to Brave-Hooves. “Where the hell did Rainbow figure out how to do the fucking Sexy Jutsu, of all things?”

Brave-Hooves stealthily returns the flash drive containing the entire Naruto series to his pocket. “I have no idea. So you gonna break them up, or what?” he responds.

“I guess I have to. Go get me paper towels. I need something to stem the blood flow when Rainbow breaks my nose,” Terran34 mutters, sighing in resignation as he gets to his feet.

#MySenseOfHumorConsistsOfSexJokesReferencesAndUnnecessaryHashtags:

“There are hundreds of ponies out there counting on us to free them. We can't fail,” Cadance adds next, as serious as the rest of us. “Still...he's so strong. I'm a little frightened.”

“Hah, I don't blame you on that one. To be completely honest, I'm not prepared for this,” I admit, my arms crossed. “I'm not prepared for any of this. I'm not a soldier. I just want to go home to Ponyville and live there with my friends.”

“I understand. I believe I speak for all of us when I say that we share similar goals,” Celestia responds, her eyes softening. Luna and Cadance nod in agreement. Chrysalis rolls her eyes at that, but otherwise remains silent. “But we must fight, Seth. There is no other course of action available to us.”

“I know that. I know what's at stake. I'll fight with the rest of you, don't worry about that,” I return softly. “I'm just tired of all this. I want it to be over.”

Celestia walks up to me with a solemn expression, understanding filling her eyes. “I know how hard this must be for you...” she whispers. Slowly, she starts to pull something out of her mane with a hoof. “Listen up, Seth. Don't believe in yourself.”

“Wait what? Isn't that like, the total opposite of what you've been telling me to do for the whole time?” I demand, confused. Celestia grins, and then she slides on the set of orange spiky shades that she'd just produced from her mane.

“Believe in me! Believe in the Celestia that believes in you!” Celestia declares. I immediately get the reference, groaning and rubbing my forehead. “What? Isn't this the right context for that quote?”

“How did you even learn about that!?” Terran34 yells from offscreen. Celestia then produces my laptop from her mane, the thing now equipped with a charger that works for magic. “What the...!?”

“I borrowed Seth's laptop. I must say, there is quite a lot of decent material on this device,” Celestia comments, the laptop floating in front of me tantalizingly. I try to reach for it, but she yanks it away from me. “Not just yet. I am still perusing your stores of anime.”

“Look through his porn folder!” Brave-Hooves yells from offscreen. I immediately form a rocket launcher with my rifle and fire a piercing rocket through the backdrop.

“I don't HAVE a porn folder!” I roar as the studio explodes violently with lime green magic.

The Search for Decent Songs:

Just before the final battle, Terran34 calls a lunch break, and all the actors, ponies and otherwise, split in all directions to eat and socialize. As for the author, he spends this time searching through his vast library of music disk, muttering under his breath.

“No...no...definitely not...epic, but doesn't fit...” Terran34 mutters, tossing rejected cds over his shoulder. Brave-Hooves walks into the room with a tray of food. He blinks and bats away a flying disk, confused.

“Uh...what are you doing?” he asks curiously, stepping over to the author and peering over his shoulder. “Wait, these are music disks. I thought you had all your music ready to go?”

“I did, but then I had second thoughts about the final battle theme, so I've been searching and searching! I'm running out of time and music!” Terran34 rages, pulling at his hair in frustration. “I can't even tell you how many disks I've gone through, looking for the right song!”

“How do you keep track of which disks you've already been through?” Brave-Hooves inquires, picking up one of the disks to inspect. “Hm, not bad.”

Terran34 points ambiguously over his shoulder. “I put all the rejected disks in that back closet over there,” he explains vaguely.

Now curious, Brave-Hooves sets aside the disk he's holding and walks over to the closet. He clasps the door and pulls it open...only to scream in alarm as a huge stack of disks flows out of the closet like an avalanche, completely burying him from view.

“Dude, I got this. I've got the perfect song for your final battle!” Vinyl Scratch trots into the room, carrying a disk with her magic. Terran34 looks up and over his shoulder, the mare having gained his attention. Behind Vinyl is Octavia and Lyra, the both of them carrying disks as well.“I just mixed this up for you. Pop this sucker in and tell me what you think!”

“Sure, why not. Can't be any worse than what I'm dealing with.” Terran34 obligingly takes the disk and pops it in. He soon adopts a flatbrowed expression as an upbeat dubstep battle theme pounds out of the speakers. “I don't know what I expected.”

“Try mine.” Octavia passes him her disk next. Terran34 sighs and slides it in next. Once again, he nods, having expected to hear the rousing orchestra theme that comes out next.

“Ooh ooh! Mine! Pick mine!” Lyra shoves Octavia out of the way next, bypassing the author entirely and plugging it in herself. She giggles mischievously, rubbing her front hooves together. “You'll love this, I just know it!”

Terran34 raises an eyebrow as soft lyrics, sung by no doubt Lyra herself, started coming out of the speakers. He liked it at first...but then he could hear what the lyrics actually were.

“The human from times long past, and the king whose deeds set his foes aghast, destined to be together forever in the endless flow of passionate love~...”

The camera suddenly shows the outside of the studio, seconds before Lyra and her disk fly out of the door, dropkicked by an irate author. “Oh my god, get out!”

“Worth it just for that face!” Lyra squeals, even as she tumbles head over hooves through the air.

Battle Against The King Take 1:

“Prepare thyselves...” Sombra's horn becomes shrouded with reddish black magic, green electricity sparking from the tip ominously. His muscles tense and his teeth bare, and then magic explodes from around his body, releasing a shockwave across the entire summit of the tower. Seth holds his arms in front of his face, warding off what looks like an ocean of reddish blackness as it washes over them. When my vision clears, Sombra is revealed, tongues of shadow licking up his body like flame. Like before, Seth can't feel the entirety of his magical might. It's too far out of his comprehension as he is right now. When Sombra next speaks, it's in an guttural roar. “Thy fate is at hoof!”

Seth lifts up a hand, signaling the others not to attack just yet. They all look at him in confusion...only to see him grinning. “Let's do this, Hawke!” He announces, powering up.

Hawke appears out of midair just beside him, coalescing in a cloud of black smoke. Celestia's jaw drops in horror; if Hawke is here, then Sombra will just drain him and get even more power!

Seth and Hawke suddenly lift their hands in a strange pose, their arms held out straight. “FUUU...” they both say loudly while sidling towards one another.

“Oh no...” Terran34 facepalms so hard there's a mark left on his face.

“...SION!” Seth and Hawke then flip the other way. Sombra watches them, perplexed. Then, they turn the opposite way, the index fingers of each hand meeting. “HAAA!”

A massive burst of light ensues, and then a wave of magical power rushes outwards, reaching heights so great, that even Sombra starts to look a little worried. When the light dissipates, a new being stands in the center of the platform. His hair is past shoulder length, one side being ivory white while the other is ebony black. One eye is dark while the other is green, and his outfit is a strange vest with white formfitting pants.

“I am neither Seth nor Hawke! I am the man who will defeat you!” Sawke declares, jabbing a finger a Sombra.

Brave-Hooves turns his head slightly to see the author banging his head against the desk repeatedly.

“That should not even be possible...magic isn't ki...I don't even...”

Battle Against the King Take 2: (inspired by Nitrous Rainbows and Kichi)

“Prepare thyselves...” Sombra's horn becomes shrouded with reddish black magic, green electricity sparking from the tip ominously. His muscles tense and his teeth bare, and then magic explodes from around his body, releasing a shockwave across the entire summit of the tower. Seth holds his arms in front of his face, warding off what looks like an ocean of reddish blackness as it washes over them. When my vision clears, Sombra is revealed, tongues of shadow licking up his body like flame. Like before, Seth can't feel the entirety of his magical might. It's too far out of his comprehension as he is right now. When Sombra next speaks, it's in an guttural roar. “Thy fate is at hoof!”

Seth lifts up a hand, signaling the others not to attack just yet. They all look at him in confusion...only to see him grinning. “Let's do this, Hawke!” He announces, powering up.

Hawke appears out of midair just beside him, coalescing in a cloud of black smoke. Celestia's jaw drops in horror; if Hawke is here, then Sombra will just drain him and get even more power!

Seth and Hawke suddenly lift their hands in a strange pose, their arms held out straight. “FUUU...” they both say loudly while sidling towards one another.

“What? Not again! We just did this!” Terran34 yells, his head bruised badly from the last time his characters' stupidity made him lose his cool.

“...SION!” Seth and Hawke then flip the other way. Sombra watches them, perplexed. Then, they turn the opposite way, the index fingers of each hand meeting. “HAAA!”

A massive burst of light ensues, and then a wave of magical power rushes outwards, reaching heights so great, that even Sombra starts to look a little worried. When the light dissipates, a new being stands in the center of the platform.

Sombra blinks...and then his eyes widen at the creature standing before him. A wolfish grin appears on his face, and then he produces a pokeball in a burst of dark magic. “Thy power is mine!” Sombra declares triumphantly. Sawke yelps, and then he is sucked into the pokeball in a flash of light. The ball hits the ground and lies still, before starting to twitch. Sombra's eyes are transfixed on the orb as it twitches once, then twice, and then a third time...and then the pokeball explodes outwards to reveal the powerful Sawke once more. Sombra's face contorts with fury, and he lets out a guttural roar. “DAMNATION! 'TWAS ON THE THIRD BOUNCE!”

“Cut, cut for the love of god! Make it stop, Brave, make it stop!” Terran34 wails as he rolls back and forth in his chair, hugging his knees close to his chest.

“I'm having too much fun to stop this,” Brave-Hooves admits, chuckling.

Battle Against the King Take 3: (inspired by NeonWarrior)

Sombra stood above the beaten and broken bodies of his enemies, his overwhelming power licking up and down his body. He walked purposefully over to the body of Celestia. “Thy plans were not nearly enough to forestall thy end, princess,” Sombra rumbled in his unearthly deep voice. “Choosing to rely upon thine allies was thy downfall.”

The king turned back towards the kingdom, summoning up his magical reserves. He started to fly through the air towards the battle, intending to bring everything to an end himself. Without their leaders, the Equestrians would fall before him like ninepins...

“Wait a moment,” Sombra said, noticing something strange. He turned in midair, gazing towards the horizon, where the sun had just been starting to rise...an hour ago. He began to understand when he realized that the sun hadn't risen any higher over the course of the past hour. He looked back down at the bodies of Celestia and Luna. “Well, it seems I did not think this through...”

Battle Against the King Take 4: (inspired by Cereal-killer)

Sombra stood above the beaten and broken bodies of his enemies, his overwhelming power licking up and down his body. He walked purposefully over to the body of Celestia. “Thy plans were not nearly enough to forestall thy end, princess,” Sombra rumbled in his unearthly deep voice. “Choosing to rely upon thine allies was thy downfall.”

The king turned back towards the kingdom, summoning up his magical reserves. He knew he could trust the outcome of the battle to his overwhelming, limitless forces. As foolish as Glass could be, such a simple clean up job would be well within his capabilities.

Sombra clicked his tongue. In the end, it didn't matter what happened to this kingdom. With all of this power, he knew exactly what he was going to do next.

---

The crystal ponies all yelp in surprise as King Sombra steps out of a stabilized time portal. When his hooves clicked upon the crystalline streets, he cast his gaze over the pristine, untouched skyline of his home city. Unlike the city he had just left from, this one was from over a thousand years ago, which he had reached due to his perfected time spell.

“At last...” Sombra whispered to himself as he strode through the crowd of happy crystal ponies as they enjoyed this year's Crystal Fair, earning curious stares from them, as they didn't recognize him when he looked like this. He could feel the power of the Crystal Heart tugging upon him, but with his current strength, such a trifling amount of power couldn't touch him. “I have returned...and I possess true power...I will accomplish my true desires for the first time...”

Sombra walked down the street, not even bothering to look at the other attractions. No, there was only one that he cared to see. At the base of the Crystal Tower was a very familiar carnival attraction, consisting of a large red button placed at the bottom of a pillar. The pillar stretched all the way to the top of the Crystal Tower...and at the very top was a large bell. This game, where the object was to hit the button and get the ringer as far up the scale as possible, was a favorite among the crystal ponies. Even now, there was a decently sized line for it.

Sombra joined the back of the line, waiting excitedly for his turn. This game was well known for being impossible to complete, as nopony had ever risen the ringer all the way to the bell. In fact, nopony had ever even made it halfway, as the Crystal Tower was impossibly high. The prize for hitting the bell, a massive soft plushie of the Crystal Princess, was worth over a billion bits, and had never been won. Sombra intended to change that today.

“Come one, come all, to the Crystal Bell Tower! Come up and test your strength, and even win a prize!” the crystal pony attendant announced, passing the hammer to the next contestant. Sombra watched in contempt as the ponies that tried their hoof at it couldn't even get it more than a few meters up. The fillies giggled and walked away with little candy prizes, while the stronger ones managed to win a few bits. “The high score for today is fifteen meters! Can anypony beat this score!?”

“I can,” Sombra declared confidently as he reached the front of the line. The attendant beamed at his confidence and passed him the hammer, but the king simply batted it aside callously. “I have no need of thy useless tools. Gaze upon the power of the true king!”

Sombra flared his magic intensely, blowing back any poor ponies that happened to be nearby. The attendant's face is blown back by the sheer force, to the point where he has to grab a nearby post to keep from flying away. With a grin, Sombra leaped high into the air, flipping several times. At the peak of his flight, Sombra turned so that he was facing downwards, and then he fell straight down in a powerful piledriver, hitting the button with both hooves.

An explosion obscured the base of the contraption, and the ringer shot up the pillar like a rocket, easily passing ten, then twenty, then thirty meters, and it still wasn't slowing down. All the ponies watched in dumbstruck awe as the ringer zooms far up and up. Not only did the ringer hit the bell, it broke the thing clear off, carrying both the bell and the ringer high into the stratosphere.

The ponies watched in silence, and then they all broke out in thunderous applause, having never seen such strength before. The attendant, once he cleaned the debris from his mane, cautiously stepped up to the expectant king. “Right...so, after that amazing feat of strength, I am proud to present you not only with the new Crystal Empire Record, but also with the exclusive...one billion bit...Crystal Princess Plushie!”

Sombra grinned wolfishly as the attendant's horn lit up. With a burst of light, a huge meter tall plushie of Cadance appeared, even though she was not even alive at this point. Fuck you, this is a joke sequence. Sombra's eyes light up, and then he leapt forward, hugging the plushie close and letting out a very uncharacteristic squee. “YEES!” he roars triumphantly. “It's beautiful! I will treasure and take care of it with everything I have! I will love it and brush its mane everyday, and hug it to me close while I sleep...”

The camera pans back to Terran34 and the real Princess Cadance, the latter wearing a very disturbed expression. “Uh...I don't know how to feel about this,” she comments uncomfortably.

“What's even going ON right now!? THERE'S NO SCRIPT FOR THIS!” Terran34 shrieks.

Battle Against the King Take 5:

“Very well...ye has pushed me far enough. It is time I bring an end to this struggle...my kingdom awaits,” Sombra says in a dangerously calm voice. Even with the trouble they're giving him, he's still keeping his cool. Despite everything, Seth has to admire that about him. His horn starts to spark dangerously with black lightning, something that Seth has never seen him do. “Ye shall bear witness to my most powerful technique...”

Suddenly, a knife slings across the field, landing in the ground pointfirst not far away from King Sombra. The king pauses, looking at the knife with confusion.

“DYNAMIC....” Celestia streaks in front the far side of the field, coming from Sombra's blind side now that his attention is focused on the knife. She swings out one hoof, a miniature sun formed on the flat surface of the appendage.

Sombra turns his head in shock, but it's too late. All he can get out is one panicked, “Celestia...!?” before her hoof slams into the side of his face, the sun exploding violently and practically taking the king's head off.

“...ENTRY!” Celestia skids to a stop, standing over Sombra's defeated body with a giant grin on her face.

Seth stares at her, an incredulous expression his face, even as Terran34 frantically yells cut offscreen somewhere. “...Celestia, you REALLY need to stay out of my anime folder.”

“I cannot help it. There are so many wonderful stories held within!” Celestia responds shamelessly, taking off the Leaf headband on her head. “What was that other power the main character used? Transformation no...”

“STOOOOP!” Terran34 leaps onto the set and slides in front of Celestia before she can finish the hoof motions. “No no no NO! We're not doing that jutsu on stage anymore, okay!? We've learned our lesson from Rainbow!”

“You mean you learned your lesson, when Rainbow decked you in the face,” Seth retorts, crossing his arms. “I dunno about you, but I wouldn't mind seeing Celestia naked.”

“Seth, I am always naked,” Celestia informs him with a perplexed expression. Terran34 and Seth both stare at her, both annoyed and pleased at the fact that she's actually clueless about something for once. “Is it different for humans? I am afraid I am not quite familiar with your customs.”

“No, it's not different at all,” Seth tells her.

“It's totally different! Don't do it!” Terran34 tells her at the same time.

Celestia blinks, further confused. “Well, which is it? I am getting mixed responses here.”

“It isn't.”

“It is.” Once again, Seth and Terran34 comment at the same time. The both glare at one another, and then Seth tackles the author, the both of them descending the ground, beating the crap out of each other.

“I feel I am missing some important context here,” Celestia comments. Rainbow quickly trots on stage and hovers beside Celestia, whispering the details in her ear. Celestia smiles. “Oh, is that all? Are humans that bothered by something as trivial as bare skin? Life is too short for them to be caught up on such things, is it not?”

“Hear hear!” Seth yells, only to get clobbered by the author.

Brave-Hooves sits in the studio, eating popcorn with Applejack. “Is it just me, or are half of these jokes sex related?” he comments.

I Have Sunk to a New Low of References:

Behind her is Octavia, dressed in relatively formal attire. When she catches sight of me, her eyes brighten and she opens her mouth...but then closes it in confusion after I place a single finger on my lips. I reach my hands forward...and then lift Vinyl entirely off the ground without even a word of greeting.

“Whoa, what the hay!? Waaah, put me down!” Vinyl yells, her tomboyish voice practically music to my ears after not seeing her for such a long time. I turn Vinyl around in my grip and hoist her up into the air, starting to sing a long high note, followed by a long string of foreign words that would be completely gibberish to any pony, but instantly recognizable by any self respecting human. Vinyl looks around, hanging from my grip and looking utterly bemused. “Uh...what is he doing?”

“Seth, stop referencing old Disney movies and put Vinyl down already!” Terran34 shrieks from offscreen. “Seriously, it's been twenty years! It's not funny anymore!”

Morning Ritual: (inspired by Brave-Hooves)

The morning sun slowly rose above the horizon, shining its first gentle rays upon the Crystal Empire. It was a peaceful morning for the recently freed city; one of the many to come ever since King Sombra's defeat. The earliest rising crystal ponies began to emerge from their houses, eager to begin the day.

Shining Armor and Cadance, the two rulers of the empire, slumbered gently together in the royal chambers of the Crystal Tower. The two of them cuddled with one another lovingly between the sheets of their lavish bed, content to lie there and get some extra sleep before beginning the day themselves.

At least, that was the plan. Shining Armor's eyes blinked as something soft and white scatters against the window with a light pattering sound. He huddled closer to his wife, content to ignore it. However, another one hit the window, followed by several more.

Shining Armor groaned and opened his eyes, knowing immediately what was going on. “Honey, he's doing it again...” Shining Armor growled. Cadance woke up as well, groaning.

“Oh for the...again? How many times do we have to throw him back in jail before he stays there?” Cadance complained, hopping out of bed and walking over the window. Just as she expected, a snowball hits the window, bursting into a shower of soft white snowflakes upon impact.

“Have you forgotten? We stopped throwing him in jail, because there's no point. He just escapes every time through some incredibly impossible means,” Shining Armor reminded his wife, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. His eye twitched as another snowball scatters against the window. “Remember the time we locked him in a secure dungeon on an island in the center of an icy lake, complete with deadly pikes that could live in such temperatures? It was supposed to be impenetrable!”

“Right...and then he picked the lock with one of his teeth that he tore out himself, fought off the guards all by himself, and then proceeded to swim for over a mile across the lake, beating into submission any of the pikes that tried to bite him,” Cadance recalled. “Yes, I remember. This is ridiculous...let me put a stop to this.”

Cadance opened the window with her magic, just in time for a snowball to come sailing over her head to land on her bed. She let out an annoyed groan and stuck her head outside to regard their assailant.

Earthen Glass sat upon a rooftop at the base of the tower, a huge pile of snowballs lined up next to him. Every few seconds, he would pick one up and hurl it up at their window with incredible strength and precision. “I shall have this kingdom! I shall begin from the bottom up: by disrupting your sleep schedules, I will prevent you from ruling properly! Then, your your lack of skill will cause the crystal ponies to revolt, and I shall be there at their head, ready to take over the Crystal Empire! Ahahahahaha!” Glass cackled, hurling snowball after snowball at the princess.

“Ugh! This is the fifteenth time!” Cadance screamed down at him, using her magic to blow away the snowballs. “Go home!”

“Never!” Glass howled, shaking a hoof at them. Just as he started to reach for another snowball, the guards leaped up onto the roof with spears. Glass spotted them and hopped from roof to roof to avoid them. “You'll never take me alive!”

The Wrong Soundtrack:

“Who is that I see resting to catch his breath? My, if it isn't the human, Seth!” My eyes flick up from the brochure at the sound of the very familiar voice that's now addressing me. Wow, I did not think she would be here.

“Zecora?” I reply, pleasantly surprised. Sure enough, the foreign zebra is standing just in front of me, looking surprised as well. She's looking well, her mane done up with green ribbon, and crystal magic dancing through her just like the rest of us. “Holy hell, I haven't seen you in forever!”

“Indeed, a long time it has been. It is very nice to see you again,” Zecora responds happily, trotting over to me. Heh, and her rhymes are just as strong as ever. I remember when I first met her...I thought she was some kind of freaky rhyming alien. She was the first living creature that I met in Equestria that didn't want to murder me.

Suddenly, Zecora pauses, starting to look very annoyed. She looks up at the sky, where the soundtrack is currently playing down to the give the scene emphasis. Now that she's drawn attention to it, I notice it as well. Zecora huffs.

“What is this soundtrack you claim to have mastered?” Zecora demands of the author, lifting her hoof up into the air, such that her bracelets rattle. “You, my good author, are a racist bastard!”

“What the...I am not! What's wrong with this music!? It suits your kind perfectly!” Terran34 demands, enraged at the interruption to the scene. He strides onscreen, surprising the crystal ponies. “Don't all zebras like this kind of music?”

“That's what Zecora is talking about,” Chrysalis remarks, walking into the area as well, accompanied by Salamul. “Oh, she has these masks in her hut and talks in a strange accent; she must like outlandish music!”

“And what do you even care?” Terran34 retorts, turning to Chrysalis next. “You shut up. I mean, I gave you good music.”

“You mean you gave me something with percussion that sounded like buzzing wings. Because I look like an insect to you, clearly my music must have insect themes. You need to face it, Terran34,” Chrysalis says firmly, stepping up to the author and jabbing a hoof at him. “You. Are. Racist.”

“I...I am not...I'm just...” Terran34 stammered, trying to do something to convince the glaring ponies around him of his innocence. Finally, he gives you. “You know what? Fuck you, Chrysalis.”

“Too late,” Salamul rumbles.

Epilogue:

Terran34 groans, rubbing his forehead clean of sweat with a handkerchief. Behind him, the different actors and other important staff are cleaning up the set in preparation for the final set of scenes: which were to take place on earth, during the time when the humans were still alive.

“Oh god, I'm so done with this story. Considering everyone seems to be picking on me today for some reason, I need some rest before I put my ideas together for the final chapter,” Terran34 mutters to himself, walking through the corridors on the way to his work room. “I have so many loose ends to tie up...and if it isn't just right, the readers will kill me. Amaryllis is a fan favorite for some reason, despite her grand total of maybe ten lines in this whole fic.”

“Maybe it's because she's so much like me!” Rainbow declares, stepping out of one of the side rooms. She starts to trot alongside Terran34. “And, of course, I am the coolest pony on this show, so of course Amaryllis is a fan favorite!”

“If you can really call it a fan favorite. Ah mean, do ya really have fans? Yer still some obscure writer that nobody knows about,” Applejack jokes, joining the two of them. Terran34 glares at her. “What? Jus' being honest. Ya know, when it's all over, this story's gonna sink into obscurity, right?”

“Okay, first off, shut up, Applejack, you're making me sad,” Terran34 grumbles. “Second off, Rainbow, she's not that much like you.”

Rainbow's expression clearly tells Terran34 what she thinks about that. “That's a load of horseapples. Hello, remember the whole scene where you had me repeat one of her lines to make Seth dance?”

“Yeah, I guess...” Terran34 harrumphed. He grew calm and silent after that. “It'll be a shame to be done with this story. I feel like I've been working on this thing forever.

There is a short silence after that...until a mischievous expression appears on Rainbow's face. “...So, when's the clop scene?” she asks boldly. Terran34 nearly falls over.

“The what!?” Terran34 exclaims.

“The clop scene! Hello, it's an HiE! There's always clop in these things! Just ask Fluttershy,” Rainbow points out...and the sound of Fluttershy sobbing can be heard in the distance. “I mean, I know we don't actually do anything in the sex scenes, courtesy of sneaky camera work, but still...I want to have one.”

“I thought Seth was 'meh?'” Applejack questions.

“Eh, he grows on you,” Rainbow admits with a small smile. She turns back to Terran. “So when's the clop scene?”

“There's not going to be a clop scene! I'm not comfortable writing that stuff!” Terran34 complains. Rainbow adopts a coy expression, leaning in closer.

“Not comfortable? Or are you just afraid of finding out that you're secretly really good at them?” Rainbow teases him. Terran34 flushes and starts walking faster.

“Good at what?” a guy pokes his head out of another room, wearing a pony t-shirt with the label “generic commenter” on it.

“Clop scenes! Terran34 said he's going to do one!” Rainbow declares, causing the commenter to grin happily, and Terran34 to gasp. “Right, author dude?”

“It's not happening!” Terran34 shrieks.

“Guys, Terran34's gonna write clop with Seth and Rainbow!” the commenter yells. At that, other doors start opening, revealing other commenters familiar with the story, each of them looking way too happy. “Clop!”

“Clop?” a commenter asks. Others start to repeat that word over and over, streaming out into the corridor and mobbing Terran34. “Clop? Clop? Clop? ClopClopClopClopCl....”

“Aaaah! They're everywhere!” Terran34 yells, breaking into a run and zooming down the hallway away from the mob of clop-crazed commenters, each of them still chanting at him. “I can't, my family reads this!”

As the mob chases Terran34, other people and ponies poke their heads out of their doors, repeating that word again and again. Even at one point, a strangely cartoony looking seagull pokes its head out of a door, followed by several others. “Clop?”

Scooby Doo style, Terran34 starts running into doors and out of others, being chased around by the mob of commenter, ponies, and apparently a flock of seagulls. Finally, the author makes his way to the room at the end of the corridor. He zooms inside and shuts it behind him, bolting it several times over.

“Dude, what the hell is going on out there?” Brave-Hooves comments, trotting away from his computer to see Terran34 cowering on the floor with his back pressed against the door. “It sounds like a mob is after you.”

“There is! They want me to write clop for them! Help me!” Terran34 wails as the mobs slams against the door on the other side. “I won't do it! I won't!”

“Aw, is that all? That just means that they respect your writing style,” Brave-Hooves attempts to reassure the author. Then, a sneaking smile crosses his face. “Besides...I wouldn't object to a nice little session of cute, vanilla clop.”

Terran34's jaw drops, and he starts to look betrayed. “Brave! You were supposed to be my friend! How could you betray me like this!?” The door starts to crack despite his efforts. “Fuck this! I'm out! Screw you guys!”

Terran34 gets up and sprints away from the door just as it bursts open. Then, before he can be caught, the author wails and hurls himself out through a window, the glass shattering beneath his weight. “Yaaahaahaa! Goodbye cruel world!”

Brave-Hooves watches as the mob follows Terran34 out the window, his head craning to watch them. When they've all passed, the room is empty except for Applejack, Rainbow, and Spike.

“So, is the special over, or what?” Brave-Hooves asks, completely clueless. The three of them look between one another and shrug. “So who's idea was the clop mob?”

“Mine. Heh, I don't even want a clop scene. I just wanted to make his life miserable,” Rainbow snickers, rubbing her hooves together.

“Golly, you are evil, Rainbow Dash,” Applejack comments, chuckling herself. “Anyway, this story has been really fun. Much funner than ah expected.”

“Yeah, it really has been. Might be nice to move onto something new though. Provided Terran34 even has any more plans for us,” Rainbow admits. “Darn it...I'm gonna miss this.”

“Hey!” Terran34 pokes his head in through the window, his hair all messed up with twigs stuck in it. “Don't be getting all sappy on me! I still have the final chapter to write...though none of you are actually in it.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Rainbow points out.

“Don't be sad, everyone,” Twilight walks into the room, using her magic to help Terran34 get back into the room as well. Behind her, Rarity, Pinkie, Seth, and Fluttershy are standing, making all of the main characters present. “It may be over, but we all had fun together, and that's what matters.”

“That's right! It was like one big huge nine hundred thousand word long journey of fun!” Pinkie exclaims. “I made a bunch of new friends! Like Terran34 here and his friend Brave! Isn't that right, Terry? Bravy?”

“Bravy...?” Brave-Hooves states dryly

“Terry?” Terran34 asks, but then he smiles. “Hey, I actually like that. Terry. Sounds like a badass character's name.”

“To get back on track, I believe the experience was worthwhile, but all things must end. But that doesn't mean our friendship has to,” Rarity explains to the others. Everyone starts to smile, seeing the truth in Rarity's words.

“I think we should have a group hug to celebrate!” Pinkie trills happily, and then she starts to drag everyone together, until everyone is huddled close together, their arms and legs wrapped around one another. “Friends!”

“Yeah...” Terran34 says softly, hugging Seth and Brave-Hooves, with the ponies clustered all around them, their hooves resting on their shoulders. “Friends.”

Author's Note:

Hah, and there we go, the last special just before I get started on the final chapter. I had a lot of people telling me to put this before the final chapter, which made sense, considering I needed to consult with my own family to determine the best course of action for the next chapter. So I decided to put all this ridiculousness here.

Took me forever to get this one out, because I came down with a fever and a sore throat on thursday, and it kept me in bed for a while. But now it's done, and I can get started on the final chapter. The final chapter. I can't believe it's actually here...I'm actually a little sad, in case you couldn't pick that up from the epilogue of this special. Unless I make a sequel (which I'm not willing to do), I won't be able to write the mane 6 again. Gah, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the bullshit I came up with for this chapter. Make sure to leave comments and let me all know what you thought of this dumb thing.

Comments

[Ominous Enigma]

Dear god... I've been here, from somewhat early on in the story, when there was around 25, maybe less chapters, and now we're here. Bravo, Terran. This by far, is the longest, most amazing, wonderful story I've ever read and if you look up Character Development in a dictionary, you'd see Seth, assuming they'd put that in a dictionary, of course. Thank you, for this art. This was truly an experience. Can't wait for the final chapter. :)

[Cereal-Killer]

Funny chapter. you planning on making sequels, or spin-offs etc?

Would be cool to see Hawke while he worked for Sombra and before that.

Or possibly some Bleak Island legends?

[Fireeaters]

'That one doesn't count!' because 'My axe is in it's nervous system!'.

[Lord Despair]

man the special is funny Terry but one more thing.........................Clop

[Brave-Hooves]

....that. was. awesome

[Roran Dreamon]

considering I needed to consult with my own family to determine the best course of action for the next chapter.

You need your family to approve this or something? That is...I'm not even going to say anything.

[GoldenCyclone4]

Allow me to review.
1. Several very good points made there. Although, most humans end up working on Sweet Apple Acres because it's usually the quickest route for employment, it helps buff the character up, and AJ is usually met early on, so they work for a well-known and main character. Also, saw the CSI joke coming.
2. I think I made that joke at least once myself, so...
3. Eh. I don't see anything wrong with it.
4. Yeah, the game sucks, but the music kicked ass.
5. Fair enough.
6. Should've been canon. Totally.
7. Hah! Lol.
8. Excuse me while I find a dimension with that actually posted.
9. Huh. Didn't think Hawke was a Pop type. Also, ironic song choice is funny.
10. Well, I'll quote SilverQuill here: "I'm not sure if it's the head cavity talking, but I'd ship it." Also, Hawke is a magnificent bastard.
11. WOMBO COMBO! GET YOUR ASS WHOOPED!
12. This. This was beautiful.
13. I cannot believe you just did that. All that was missing was someone randomly singing You Are a Pirate.
14 & 15: Eh, haven't watched/read LOTR myself, but I got the meme.
16 & 17: Now that was ffucking funny.
18. Well then! Remind me to teach Blaze that trick...
19. How did she...?! She even had the glasses! That was sheer hilarity!
20. Heh. Why do I get the feeling Vinyl's song was Fuel the Melody?
21. Hah. DBZ joke. Now if only you could see what I was thinking with that name...
22. You magnificent bitch. Also, I feel ya, Sombra.
23. Well, now you fucked up!
24. That's why? Really? Wow. Evil is petty.
25. Damn it Sunbutt!
26. You beautiful fucking bastard.
27. Damn. Persistent.
28. Bug bitch has a point. Also, called it! It is a ship!
29. Ah, the clop mob. Easy way to get a writer out of the scene.
All in all, I am gonna miss this thing. It was a great time while it lasted!

[Terran34]

6402638

No...I am simply looking for a parent's perspective. Say, how would they feel if family member appeared out of the blue with only a short amount of time to stay...I certainly don't need my family's approval.

[Celestial Petrichor]

6402148 This. I joined when it was pretty early on, somewhere in the 15-25 chapter range.

It was great waiting for this to come out, and I'm really sad that it's (pretty much) over.
Thank you.

[TwiAmeliaSparkle]

this was amazing but now...one more..just one more...im going to cry.

[AdmiralPopeyesBeard]

Attack on the Crystal Empire Take 2: (inspired by TwiAmeliaSparkle and Brave-Hooves)

My favorite part, holy shit!

Battle Against the King Take 3: (inspired by NeonWarrior)

My new favorite part, holier shit!!

nine hundred thousand

And a half!

This whole chapter was fantastic! I loved this.

[StarGateReEntry]

Wish there would be a Sequel, been reading this story since the beginning. And I am glad to see it go in a good direction, although I'll miss it. . .

[DezzarTac]

Oh my...no, I can't read this. It's one of THOSE non-cannon chapters.

CUT!!

[Dreamclaw]

6404539
I wonder why Fimfiction decided that notifying me about replies to my comements wasn't important.
As for your first comment - I do have some positive stuff to say and I did say it in the form of

So yeah, so far love everything about this except the OP fighting scenes.

At this point though, all I'm powering through is just to get to the romance part. Interaction with Dash (my fav pone) is the only thing keeping me here after realism and logic decided to take a brake.

I don't see any real reason to comment about every miniscule detail on each chapter like one dude seems to do in the comments. All it does is stroke author's ego and it is a stupid thing to do before you read through the entire story. I thought it was perfect until the stuff I mentioned started happening so it would have been stupid of me to start making final conclusions while I'm still only halfway through.

However, that doesn't stop me from giving criticism whenever I find a logical or plot inconsistency since the author himself asked for this so he can make the whole thing better after the rewrite. I don't see why all of you got your panties in a twist because all I did was to name a few weak points in the story, the same way as someone points out typos and such.

And lastly, the stuff about letters is the only thing I've repeated, and then again only twice. You can count my rant about OP magic scenes as repeating but the messages were mostly about different stuff, so I dunno. In any case, stop acting like everything I say is complete nonsense or just trolling/hating, because I wouldn't care to read and comment here if I didn't think the author and the story deserve the time spent on it. It's just that at first I thought the letter thing to be just a one-time plot inconsistency where he forgot how stuff worked, but since then the similar spell has been used 3 more times, which warranted another harsher reaction from me, since it really is stupid as hell to not have it during the battle and then conveniently pop it out of nowherere.

6396567
If the author tells me that he doesn't need this kind of negative input then I'll just quit since nothing is really holding me here by this point. I'm just hoping the romance tag pays off... Too bad there is no sex tag here, I wouldn't mind seeing some scenes like that.

Dammit, missed so many comments... Thanks Fimfiction! Oh well, can't answer all of them now, gotta run. Laters.

[Dreamclaw]

6392906
I feel like I'll be doing this a lot. I like the slice of life moments of this story but the combat just feels immensely stupid and childish. It's like a ripoff of cheap fighting animes I've had a displeasure of seeing a few times. Talk instead of doing the clever thing and killing your opponent, fight, lose, talk some more, enter OP mode, win, everyone is happy. Ugh, so stupid and overdone =\

6396599

Your reading a fan fiction, about a fictional character, interacting with 6 magical talking ponies who save whole towns, patch friendships, and save the entire world in approximately 30 minutes, an hour tops. These 6 magical horses, fly, shoot magical lazor beams, use the op elements of harmony, and even went "super Sayin" to battle a demon from the depths of tartarus. I think your comment on the validity of these fights and the fictional world that the author has portrayed is rather moot at this point. A large portion of the show itself has similar issues and does focus on a dota-esc view that 6 friends can overcome everything.

Except that interactions and the character used to be down to earth realistic and there was almost no bullshit involved at the beginning. Also, the only time they entered any OP modes was when Twilight combined her immense power with power of 3 other princesses, and even then there was nothing like huge mana flares/auras or charging attacks with your hands to the heavens and so on. The biggest laser Twi cast charged approximately a second with no additional nonsense. I know exactly where all this stuff was taken from, and let's just say that I'm not a fan of the source due to how unrealistic and childish it is. I value realism above all, that's why I'm pointing out plot holes instead of writing useless comments like "I liked everything, it was fun and entertaining, more!". I hope they will get fixed in the future.

And don't accuse me of negativity. I was essentially tricked here. The story did almost a 180 when Seth got magic. I prepared nor willing for this to transform into yet another OP super human hero saves Equestria and gets to know everyone and everything while being a total ass and badass at the same time. If you look at it from some point, it almost looks like the worst kind of self-insert where a human gets transported there with OP powers, learns how to handle them in a month and then proceeds to act like he owns the place and wreck anyone and everything. I am leaving these comments so that the author would know what I didn't like and why I downvoted it it will ever come to that.

Also, if your 950k long story has the same flaws as a 20 minute long episode of show for little girls, you know you did something wrong. There are plenty fanfics that don't make humans OP and where elements are on the same or even lesser level of badassery than they are in the show. If you think about it, the only fight the Elements really thought was with the changelings, and there half of it was for purely comedic reasons with them losing in the end. Tell me where did they tank a real battle? In any case, fanfiction like this is supposed to give a unique spin on the events and improve upon the already existent content, not follow it blindly or make it even worse. Celestia in the show is not OP at all, nor is anyone else except Discord. Here we have a bunch of OCs that wreck entire armies, a human with barely a month worth of experience fighting a multi millenia-old queen to some degree and lots of other OP or broken stuff. If you honestly try claiming that all the things I've mentioned in my earlier messages are nothing and shouldn't be fixed, then I don't know what else to say.

[Dreamclaw]

6397181
I'm doing exactly that by writing here all plot inconsistencies and other broken stuff I find. Also, read my previous message for why exactly I dislike OP humans, OCs and mane6. I don't know what other description you might want from me, I was sure I was specific enough in my messages. I have an allergy on overpowered stuff and stupid plot devices, that's mostly it. The story used to be so much better in the beginning and then it took a turn to who knows where =\

Also, I'm doing this so that at least some of these errors can be fixed in the rewrite. Author asked for criticism and I'm happy to oblige and be useful in some way. It's better than downvoting and running away without an explanation.

I will stop mentioning flaws of this story only when I finish or stop reading it. If I have to suffer at some points than I at least make it public so that the author can improve the said part. Even if you are a fan of any of the anime this takes elements from, it still doesn't mean that you shouldn't strive for a plot hole free storyline. That being said, a warning about the nature of magical battles in this story would have been REALLY nice. I wouldn't be here then because I hate anime where this takes stuff from.

[hiddentiara]

6406799

Okay. This is not criticism that you are giving. Or at least, the majority of it isn't even anything that the author could possibly use. What got my "panties in a twist" as you put it, is that everything you say is phrased in a very harsh, seemingly pissed off manner...or at least that's the way it comes off to me. So even if you do have valid points in here, nobody's going to want to listen to you...and certainly not the author.

Secondly, the majority of what you say comes from a very clear personal bias. Basically "I hate this because it doesn't match my interests or doesn't fit with how I view things." Don't bother saying that more than once, because that's not something the author is ever going to fix. These "OP magic scenes," as you put it, have a very wide following no matter how "stupid and childish" you think they are; simply bitching about it here isn't going to change anything.

To put it clearly, it's difficult to pick out useful criticism within the sea of your own personal bias, and that's why I'm so pissed off to see you repeating the same sentiments over and over, spoken in that same angry fashion. It's okay that you don't like this story. But at this point, you're just ruffling feathers.

[Dreamclaw]

6407068
The only personal bias I've shown was these 3 messages in the middle talking about OP magic fighting and dota effect. Everything else is just my observation on plot holes, to which belongs the mail issue that got you annoyed. Creating a well-thought and balanced system that corresponds to the canon during the battle and when he sent his citizenship papers only to throw it out the window the next chapter and allow Celestia to send several tons of bits to him is nothing but stupid.

Also, I can see how my messages might come off as hostile or annoyed. You must understand though that I have IRL stuff to take care of, and even when I don't, I would rather read another chapter than sit there and carefully construct my message so that it would contain the perfect amount of sugar-coating and nice things to counter-balance the flaws I point out. I simply don't have time for that. What I do is just point out the issue I see in as concise a matter as I can, apart from the stuff that I really care about like mail or battle magic. It is not hostile, nor is it annoyed, it is objective and down to the point. It is the way someone would point issues in a work project, but with less formality because he is not my boss. Something akin to "X isn't working like it should. Y doesn't correspond with Z". Anything else would be just a waste of time and space, so I advice you to grow some skin and take criticism like this for what's it worth - just criticism and not a personal offence.

[Dreamclaw]

Actually you know what? I just might put this on hiatus seeing as "everything wrong with" type of comments get so much hate. One would think at least someone out there would be grateful for pointing out these flaws so they can be fixed in the future. I thought we were asked as much. I'm sure I would find many-many more flaws and inconsistencies that can potentially be fixed but I don't think I have the drive to read through the rest of this fic if everything I get in return are downvotes and hate.

Plus I don't know if I can handle another OP human entering the story and then several more battle arcs this seems to have. I wish I could fast-forward to romance and then check the ending without losing anything =\
Sad that it was so good in the beginning and then turned into yet another typical HIE fanfic by the middle.

[Terran34]

6407142
6407068

Phew....I'm exhausted just reading through all of this. Just relax, the both of you. I mean, you both have valid points, and I appreciate your fervor. I agree that criticism should be done with some measure of tact, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't receive any criticism at all. I do have the ability to pick out useful criticism when necessary. In the end, it's at my discretion whether I use the criticism or not.

[hiddentiara]

6407879

What? But half the shit he says are plotholes are only plotholes TO HIM and not to the rest of us....ugh, fine, you're the author.

[Dreamclaw]

6407909
Well, the only plot hole just "to me" is their fighting style I've been whining about. And it's less of a plot hole and more a distaste towards the style in which it is written, of which I WISH I was informed at the beginning and wouldn't have to waste so much time on a story I might never finish. I know that this bit isn't going to change, but I felt so bad by the 180 the story made at that point that I decided to comment on it regardless of the fact it is there to stay. But even despite that, everything else is a legit plot hole material that has nothing to do with me or my interests. You are welcome to point out exactly how half of what I say is somehow biased or whatever.

But sure, I am done arguing on this. I doubt I will be returning to this fic anytime soon because I am vulnerable to downvotes and whenever I see some it dampens my day quite a bit... Especially seeing some of my completely neutral and brief messages getting under the mass downvote strike some of you seem to enact on my every comment. This just makes me lose any motivation I had to help make this story better. I might be bad at words and callous in that of not caring to sugarcoat what I say, I guess that much comes with my culture (not a native speaker by any stretch). Writing this much text takes me a looong time and if I were to include unnecessary snippets to make you feel better, it would take a heck of a lot more. I simply don't have time for that. You are not my boss and I am not paid or even bound to do what I do. I point out flaws just because I feel like this story deserves to be something more and think that the issues might be fixed in the rewrite.

I felt that there was potential here and I liked the first chapters before Seth got OP magic (by that I don't even mean Scorpios incident, but rather starting with his fight with Celestia and so on) and started effortlessly wrecking shit.
We'll see if I make it to the end by the time the rewrite on later chapters is started or if I'll make it at all. For some reason I doubt anyone else will purposefully go through the thing and point out plot holes and therefore they will likely remain in the improved version, which is sad... But I guess that's what you lot want by caring more about how the things are said rather than about what is said and getting all-out emotional here.

In any case, I'll stop now. I have a tendency to rant, so sorry for that. For now I'll go read a story that has been on hold for a long time... Doesn't have that many plot holes (if at all) and no one seems to react as badly as folks here whenever I post anything useful.

[Darklink]

Well, I enjoyed it.

[Cracked Egg]

6406090

Agreed.

I'll wait for the final chapter and possible sequel, if there is one.

[DauntedSuperior]

Wait... it's not finished yet?... Sweet mother of god, I just binged this thing in three or four days thinking I would be able to roll right into whatever sequel you thought up, but that's not gonna happen.

Oh well, it's been one hell of a ride. I went from absolutely wanting to kill Seth to loving him at the end. The change was so small and over the course of the entire story it didn't even really hit me until the end at the Crystal Fair. This is the only story that has ever been this long and kept my interest enough to read it all as soon as I could.

You are an amazing writer and I just can't wait to read what ever kind of sequel you come up with. I remember you mentioning something in one of the other author notes about how if you did do a sequel it would be with a new/different character as the focus. Personally I can't get the idea of a bunch of humans being out there somewhere trapped in stasis out of my head. Weather it's in cryo tubes or something else cause you someone had to of tried it.

He could even follow the awesome powers trend and have the broken elemental type of magic that the Warlords' weapons use. I'd totally read that.

Now to wait for the next chapter... F-5 F-5 F-5 F-5 F-5 F-5 F-5 F-5 - don't mind me I'll be here for a while - F-5 F-5 F-5 F-5...

[CertifiedStoryteller]

Was wondering, I read the description and thought, "This is a story that is original, long as fuck, and funny! Just what I always wanted!" But then I started reading it and I noticed that the overall story gets the fuck off-track of the description. Was wondering why.

[Terran34]

6411417

Not really. The point has always been to teach Seth the lessons we learned from the show. That has been what was kept this story going from the very beginning. Believe it or not, all of the fighting has been a means to that end.

[DezzarTac]

Forgot to ask, since we're near the end:
A) Sombra's last words. Will they be decrypted before the nukes fall? Wait, wrong story I meant "before the end".
B) Sequel? Why? Why do people think you need a sequel for the same damn story? Sequels were for printed books to continue, and vastly different perspectives! I sorta kindof don't want a sequel. It might accidentally damage the story considering the plot has reached an apex of sort. A conclusion.

[Terran34]

6414786

A) Not in the story. But I stated in an author's note that they were a reference to the comic that contains Sombra's backstory. Fiendship is Magic #1.

B) I agree wholeheartedly. There will be the side stories, but Seth's story is done.

[Nitrous Rainbows]

And then Seth gets sent back in time but not space so ends up in the Arctic. I'm fairly sure that's how it worked before. So he'd best get flying before the spell expires.

You've got your work cut out for you here author.

Honestly though, I ran out if things to say by about chapter 40, maybe 50. Except for a few things.

That said, one question I do have is: if Chrysalis would have needed to use a lot of her power to send him back 1000 years, and just for a few moments, surely that's exactly what she did when she demonstrated that to him. So, because of that, wouldn't she have been low on juice when the Canterlot invasion began? I know you showed her as being exhausted, but can she really regenerate magic that quickly, especially since much of it was from Shining.

Also, surely Celestia would have detected such a large expenditure of magic, and from what I understand, it would differentiate from Cadence's considerably.

[Hurgusburgus]

[DezzarTac]

6415765
I'm sorry, I meant descending action, not conclusion. I actually am curious what happens after he is sent back. It seems like it would be as tear-jerking as the university scene. I wouldn't say it's at conclusion until things wind down and back to Ponyville. The ending of being sent back then to black screen is kind of a cliffhanger for a sequel. I'm ... o.k. with it ending this second then having side stories of the others involved, but I doubt the side-stories would have much variation aside from the villain perspectives and Seth still has the thing where he tells his family and ?Amaryllis? how much he cares, and being accused of being insane and asylums then finding that the spell lasts longer than he though and then he stays just long enough into the apoc for them all to realize he was telling the truth.....

And that is partly why I'm glad we got a cliffhanger, and partly not. Yes, because there isn't much else past this point without ongoing story. No, because I'm sure you could make the predictable happenings really emotional with the family and tragic with Amaryllis.

"No! Amary, you're bleeding everywhere!"
"Don't worry Seth, I get to say I wuv y-"
"Oh right, I almost forgot to mention that I'm dating a rainbow horse now."
" O_O "

[Pontiac56]

Damn this was just as funny as the last one,. That bit at the beginning with the auditions was hilarious. I'm surprised Fluttershy was so upset, it's almost always Rainbow who ends up as the romance in HIE stories, or at least that's always been my experience when looking through them. Still that was hilarious.

The pranks, the references, god that was fun. I loved the Fusion dance and the sexy no jutsu scenes, they had me holding my sides. Going to be really sad to see this story end, but it was a damn good one and the I know the spin offs will be just as awesome. Great work Terran, this has been one hell of a story.

[KovKILLer97]

I'm actually glad I read this chapter, if only for Hawke's line "....the fangirls would like it."

Also, I would just like to tell you it was quite refreshing to find a good, long fanfic that didn't contain clop.

[gemmaster22]

THUNDERSTRUCK!!!!

[NightmintHLW]

One Does Not Simply Charge into the Crystal Empire: (inspired by Nitrous Rainbows)

one dose not simply make a one dose not simply joke

[QCosmic Derp]

Holy crap, freakin Sawke. Holy crap, racist zebra music. Holy crap, that Sombra plushie affection tho. Holy crap, Seth riding Celestia? Holy crap, saucy Luna-confusing Seth nightmares?! Did someone say clop?!

I enjoyed that so much.

About the clop. Honestly, a bit disappointed, but mainly for one reason. This is the first true HiE I've read. I avoid HiE mainly because the ones I come across ship some OC human with a pony, and I just find human x pony not to my liking; I mean, why should I care about the not compelling human character? It just annoys me. In this story, you got me to care about the human and the relationship is written in a good fashion. It's not shipping for the sake of it. And it progresses so well too. This is basically the only fic in which I actually support human x pony, and the story isn't willing to go beyond sfw. Perfectly understandable of course, guess I'll never see any human x pony action, since this was the only story I'd consider it for. Not sure how to feel about that. I guess mildly disappointed and mildly "meh". Now I'm just rambling.

More importantly, was the final chapter ever finished? I'm seeing comments here from 2015. That was a while ago. Either way, thank you for writing this up. It was fun to read, thoroughly enjoyed it. Bit sad to see it go. Sadly, I won't be reading a wilting flower. I just don't do tragedies. But, my sincere thanks. Even if unfinished. Doesn't matter too much.

Edit: I'm dumb. There's another chapter. Mobile can be unclear sometimes.

[QCosmic Derp]

or...the kitchen sink. Don't ask about that one. 

Ha! I remember that one!