100th Chapter Special
Terran34: Now then, time to get this started. As I mentioned before, I'll be posting my outline, which has some noticeable differences here. In addition, my friends and I...and even some of you, have come up with some pretty hilarious jokes over the past year, so I'll be writing up some scenes to bring said jokes to life...no matter how ridiculous they are. A lot of them will be blatant references, and some will even include some of you in them.
Anyway, first things first. The outline!
Arc 1: New World
--What if there was a character that didn't trust the ponies?
--Names? Hawke, Seth, Zane, Trevor...need something unique.
--Needs a backstory. Maybe try the lost love thing. People love that shit.
--Work at Sweet Apple farm. Applejack's the only pony he doesn't completely hate.
--Use side characters. Lyra, Vinyl, Derpy, Octavia, and so on. Avoid fanon.
--Fuck human obsessed Lyra. Tone it down to mild interest, focus musical talents.
--Stays at a hotel with money he earns.
--Doesn't make any friends.
Arc 2: Rescue the Filly Arc
--Encounter with Diamond Tiara at school
--Encounter with Filthy Rich
--Visit from Royalty
--Filly lost in Forest. Make it Sweetie Belle. Seth goes to help because it's a filly.
--Main Character learns magic through some shit. Idk, probably a manticore or something.
Arc (3 or 4?): Expedition Arc
--For some reason, Seth gives location of Science Building to Twilight or Royalty
--Expedition is funded.
--Entire mane six goes, plus entourage of royal guard and scientists..
--Group sleeps in first floor classrooms.
--There are still Oppressed in the basement levels and Science Wing
--Some guy at the bottom with an undead thing. Not sure what his motives are yet. Maybe he too loved Amaryllis? Needs thought, idfk what I'm doing.
Arc (3 or 4?): The Royal Wedding
--Chrysalis Invasion succeeds
--Mane 6 + Seth+Luna infiltrate dungeons, free royal guards for counter assault
--Battle for Canterlot
--Chrysalis tempts Seth with a chance to go home, choice between ponies or home
--Not sure why he'd pick ponies. Gotta think about that.
--Seth+Luna defeat Chrysalis
Arc 5: Sombra's Return
--Crystal Empire's Return
--Events unfold as usual. Crystal Fair and all that jazz. Flugelhorns!
--Twilight fails to break free from door
--Seth tempted away from city by illusion of Amaryllis, meets Sombra
--Sombra v Seth, Sombra wins and takes back power, becomes stronger than princesses
--insert other human maybe? Not sure. Think I'll use a guy to be a foil to Seth, if anything.
--Battle for the Crystal Empire, Royal Guard v Oppressed
--Princesses v Sombra, Sombra wins, princesses saved because of Starswirl the Bearded
--Sombra + Crystal heart starts a dark age.
--Sombra steals Elements of Harmony
--Some epic war that lasts a while. Equestria united and all that.
Terran34: That's all I've got. I've cut off the last bit, because some of it has spoilers in it. Basically, it was a very bare bones rendition of the story. Half of this crap I threw out because it was pretty bad, and the rest I improvised along the way. Notice that Rainbow and Vinyl were never mentioned in this at all. Honestly, I left out a lot of the world building, because when I wrote this outline, I actually thought that I wouldn't have to do that much. I was wrong. The moment I wrote that the show didn't exist in Seth's time, I made it so I had to build the world from the ground up.
Now then, enough talking about shit that I've already talked about before. Time to start with the random omakes! Notice that they'll be switching POVs a bit, because sometimes it's just funnier from another perspective.
Pinkie's Mane:
I walk through the streets of Ponyville after a long day's work, sighing and letting the breeze flow over me. It feels good, especially with how sweaty I am. Now, I think I should go find Rainbow or Vinyl, because I'm bored and they can usually pull some bullshit to entertain me.
I take my phone out of my pocket, glancing down at the gently glowing screen. As always, the words “no signal” blare at me from the upper left corner of the screen. It's almost like a constant reminder that my old life doesn't exist here anymore. I wonder if any of the satellites crashed down to earth. Maybe they just drifted away into space, because they don't have computers to control them any...
In the middle of my train of thought, my phone suddenly starts getting a signal. “Wait, what the hell?” I exclaim, looking at the one bar on the screen, indicating a very low wifi signal. As I watch it incredulously, the signal soon rises to two bars, and then three bars. At the same time, I hear somepony humming in a high pitched voice.
Looking up, I spot Pinkie Pie bouncing through the street just behind me, humming a happy little tune. When she spots me, she smiles brightly. “Hi Sethie! How ya doing?” Pinkie asks in a friendly manner, passing me by on the way to whatever it is she's doing. I respond vaguely with some pleasantry or something as my mind tries to figure out what the hell is going on. “That's awesome! I'll see you later, okay? I'm busy busy busy!”
Shaking my head at her antics, I look back down at my phone to see that the signal is now going down, until suddenly I'm not getting a signal anymore. My head jerks up and looks at Pinkie bouncing away. “Pinkie! Wait!” I call after her, sprinting as fast as I can to catch up to her.
Pinkie doesn't stop, but she does slow down so I can jog by her. “What's the matter? Couldn't stay away from me?” she teases me. I ignore her at first, looking back down at my phone. Sure enough, there's a full signal now. What the fuck? “What is it?”
“I don't even fucking know...Pinkie, how are you giving my phone reception?” I demand, panting a little from trying to keep up with her. Pinkie nods, as if she knows exactly what I'm talking about.
“Well, the stallions always say I give them mixed signals,” Pinkie responds with a grin, making me adopt a flatbrowed expression. “Now sorry, but I really need to get going!”
Pinkie speeds back up, but I don't let her get away. “No, you get the fuck back here! I've gotta check my texts!” I cry out, breaking into a sprint. When I reach her, I lunge forward, until finally I'm riding on her back, even as she bounces up and down again and again.
“Whooaa!” Pinkie yells, unbalanced by the sudden weight of a human on her back. Knocked off course, she runs right into a market stall where a pony is selling textbooks. The stall shatters to pieces and the books go flying everywhere, much to the horror of the selling stallion. “Sorry! I'll pay you back later! Sethie, are you trying to take me for a ride?”
“Yes! You're giving me a wifi signal! It's like your mane is made out of Google Fiber or some shit. Now try and hold still, I'm trying to check my facebook!” I shout back, right as one of the flying textbooks falls and lands right on the face of Carrot Top. “Wait, I think I hear my Twitter!”
Pinkie almost runs right into Fluttershy, who is herding a small group of birds through the street. Fluttershy yelps and throws herself aside, and the birds fly in every direction, raising an awful clamor.
Over on the other street, Twilight and Rarity are standing still, watching the chaos unfold in the town square with
confused and unamused expressions. Their heads follow as Pinkie and I bounce from street to street, back and forth, like fucking Scooby Doo style.
“What in the world are those two doing?” Twilight asks calmly, glancing over at Rarity.
“I'm...not quite sure,” Rarity admits.
Pinkie's Comfort:
“That I don't understand. Why would you do that? What do you get out of seeing me smile?” I question honestly. I get tired of standing, so I move over to the bed and sit down next to her. Pinkie shifts to give me room.
“Because seeing anyone sad is enough to make me sad, and you always look sad, so I'm sad when I see you sad,” Pinkie begins, and her wording is enough to make me pause a moment and try to make sense of it. “But if I make you smile, then I can smile, and everyone's happy.”
“Wait, so you're telling me that the happiness of others is your happiness?” I ask, putting her reasoning into my own words to make sure I understood.
“Uh-huh,” Pinkie confirms. I look down at the ground trying to process that. However, I just don't think that anything can make me truly smile, except the return of my race. If only there was another human I could talk to...someone similar to me.
For some reason, a bright smile crosses Pinkie's face, as if she can hear what I'm thinking. “I can help with that!” Pinkie declares. Then, before I can do or say anything in responds, she proceeds to pull a very confused looking human out of her mane and sets him in front of me.
I blink, completely dumbfounded by the presence of another human...who looks exactly like me. Hell, he's even wearing the same clothes as me. Pinkie...you...how...the fuck? “What the...” I begin.
“...hell?” the other Seth finishes, looking just as dumbfounded as I do. “Did she just...”
“...fucking whip another me...”
“...out of her mane? Wait, are you...”
“...completing my sentences? This is weird,” I state, my eyes wide with astonishment and confusion. Next, the two of us lean in towrads one another in exactly the same fashion, as we're looking in a mirror. We examine each other's hair, poke at one another's cheeks, and lift up each other's shirts to see if the scar from the staircase back in the ruins is still there.
“Oh! That's really good! It's like a mirror act! You two are totally in sync!” Pinkie praises us, jumping up and down with glee. Seth and I both look at her at the same time, with identical exasperated expressions.
“That's because we're the exact same person!” The two of us snap at the same time, and then we look at each other with raised eyebrows. “Fucking jinx. Oh shit, double jinx. Stop that! Triple!”
As Pinkie rolls around on the ground laughing her ass off, Rainbow peers into the room, wondering what's going on. When she sees me and the other Seth, her jaw drops open, and then a blush forms on her face.
“You know...” Rainbow declares, drawing our attention as she walks into the room. She's blushing furiously for some reason, which is odd, considering she never blushes. “I've sometimes had dreams about two Seths...”
Seth and I both look at each other, understanding the thoughts that's running through both of our heads. “I'm out!” Seth yells, and then he turns around and jumps right back into Pinkie's mane, disappearing from view.
“Fucking nope!” I add, and then I too jump into Pinkie's mane somehow, into a world of cotton candy and balloons.
“You two come back here! We're gonna have some awesome fun times!” Rainbow yells, and then she pounces atop of Pinkie, trying to get inside her mane as well.
“Rainbow, you're not even supposed to be in love with Seth yet! You can't break continuity!” Pinkie scolds her, even as she giggles madly and fends off Rainbow's assualt.
“Continuity can go to Tartarus!”
This is the scene that Vinyl walks in on, as she had coming to check and see what they were doing. A grin crosses her face, because all she can see is Rainbow and Pinkie intertwined together on the floor, the former grunting and the latter giggling. Vinyl promptly pulls out a camera and snaps a picture.
“Hah! Going to the FoalFree Press with this!” Vinyl declares, and then she dashes away so fast she leaves a little cartoony cloud behind.
Rarity's Hat: (Inspired by Brave-Hooves's comment)
The first outfit is another set of blue jeans and a long sleeved shirt, only this time the shirt is white with dark purple rings around the collar and sleeves. Huh, so Rarity essentially made a shirt with her own color scheme on it. I guess I don't mind wearing it. I mean, purple isn't that bad of a color, and I never gave a fuck about fashion anyway.
“And lastly, to finish off this delightful outfit, I present to you one of my favorite sun hats,” Rarity finishes with a flourish, presenting to me one of the ugliest hats I have ever sen. It's made of straw, has an extremely wide brim to stave off the sun, and it has these dumb looking purple flowers tied to the rim. “With it, you will look simply fabulous, darling!”
I stare at the ridiculous hat with a flatbrowed expression. Without another word, I take out a lighter and promptly catch the rim on fire, much to Rarity's horror. “Fuck your hat with a brick,” I state flatly as the hat burns to a crisp.
“Oh, how could you, you simply ungrateful ruffian! That was one of my favorite...such language too, oh dear!” Rarity proceeds to rage as I pocket the lighter, cackling to myself.
The Problem with Writing Rarity: (Inspired by Anyne's comment)
Terran34 and Brave-Hooves sat in the back of the studio, just behind the backdrop of Rarity's Boutique, as Rarity and Seth were running through the scene where the stubborn human finally lets her make him some clothes. This was their third run through, and Terran34 wasn't quite satisfied with it yet.
“It's good...almost perfect. But something seems missing. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I should throw Fluttershy in the scene somewhere?” Terran34 says aloud, grasping a clipboard in his hand and scribbling down notes on it with a pencil. “Hmm...hey Brave, you got anything from the commenters?”
Brave-Hooves sets down his sandwich and produces a set of notecards, each one with one of the comments for that chapter on it. “Hm, this one tells you to keep writing despite the hate...oh hey, here's a new one. Who's this Pontiac56 guy?,” Brave-Hooves comments, showing me the notecard.
“That's a pretty short comment,” Terran34 remarks, giving it a glance before putting it back in the pile. Brave-Hooves wrinkles his nose.
“Don't complain about comments, man. He could become your favorite commenter in the future for all you know,” Brave-Hooves points out.
“I doubt that,” Terran34 scoffs. “Anything in there that actually gives me some advice?”
“Uh...there's one in here saying that you wrote Rarity saying 'darling' too much in the script,” Brave-Hooves responds. Terran34 raises an eyebrow and takes the notecard.
“What? That's bullshit. She hardly ever says that in the chapter! Look, I'll prove it to you,” Terran34 snaps, offended. He pulls out a table from nowhere covered in shot glasses, each one filled with straight vodka. “Tell you what. Each time she says 'darling' in the scene, we take a drink. I'll bet you twenty bucks we'll still be standing by the end of this.”
“Sounds interesting. But how is this a bet? It seems more like you...” Brave-Hooves starts to protest, but then Terran34 clamps his hands over his head, shutting him up.
“No, shut up, this is what we're doing,” Terran34 interrupts. As Brave-Hooves pouts from the unexpected contact, Terran34 approaches the backdrop and peers over a dresser. “All right, you two! Start the scene over from the top one more time!”
“Fucking hell, how many times do I have to keep putting on these god awful clothes?” Seth complains, once again stripping out of Rarity's outfit and getting ready to start over. “Alright, fuck it. Let's go, Rarity.”
“They are not 'god-awful' Seth. How rude,” Rarity huffs. Just then, the lights go out, and they fall silent, because the scene is about to start. However, because it's so dark, no one sees the devious smirk cross her face. Rarity had heard everything Terran34 had suggested.
The scene progresses as normal, with Rarity never mentioning the word “darling” even once...until a certain portion of the script arrived.
“By the way, how the hell did you manage to replicate my jeans to such perfect detail?”
“Oh, you like them? I was worried you wouldn't.” Rarity practically glows at his question. “It was mostly trial and error. You have no idea how many tries it took me before I could get the details just right.”
“So you reconstructed these from memory?” Seth queries. He actually felt kind of impressed. She's only seen them a few times, and she made a perfect set just by looking at the shitty pair he was wearing now?
Rarity's smirk suddenly reappears full force, and she approaches Seth. “Now then, darling, you would be the most darling of darlings if you would be a darling and help me produce a darling set of clothes for my darling little darlings? Darling, it would be most darling of you to help a darling in need of a darling such as you,”she coos, until a thump is heard from backstage. Seth's eyebrows raise at her inane speech.
“Wait, hold on a minute, that's not in the script. What the fuck are you doing, Rarity?” Seth demands.
“Oh, you know. Just being a darling,” Rarity responds deviouslly, and then she giggles helplessly as she hears another thump. “Seriously, I was messing with the author. Take a look!”
Seth and Rarity both look behind the backdrop to see both Terran34 and Brave-Hooves passed out absolutely shit faced drunk, silly expressions on their faces.
“Okay, that's fucking brilliant,” Seth chuckles, and then he and Rarity exchange a high five.
Seth's Suicide Scene:
Maybe if I had been born anywhere else, I wouldn't be like this. Maybe I'd have had a chance for a normal life somewhere else.
I swiftly look back over my life, the rocky rapids getting closer and closer to me every passing moment. I remember my early life and childhood, and how vicious mankind was to me the moment I was exposed to them. Oh, I didn't realize it at first. Everything was fine...until...Janna...showed me what humans were really like.
I smile ironically and close my eyes, mentally bracing myself for my incoming death. Goodbye Amaryllis. Maybe I'll be granted one last kindness, and I'll be able to see you again in an afterlife. A bitter chuckle escapes me at that thought. Then, the rushing sound of the rapids overpowers my every thought. This is it.
I open one eye as I fall, suddenly realizing that something is missing. “Uh...Rainbow? You're uh...you're supposed to catch me..” I stammer, but there's no sign of her at all, and the rocks at the bottom of the cliff are getting closer and closer. “Rainbow? Rainbow! Oh god oh shit oh no aaahaaaah!”
Splat.
Suddenly out from behind the backdrop, M. A. Larson himself jumps out, waving his arms around. “He's dead! The end!”
Rose's Ultimate Power:
“Oh, so you want me to fight you now?” I ask incredulously. As much as I'd relish the chance to beat some respect into this bitch, I can't help but feel a little wary.
“What's the harm? Surely if I'm as weak as you say I am, then it shouldn't be much of a challenge for you at all,” Rose replies, her expression unreadable. I stare at her with a raised eyebrow. I feel like she's trying to taunt me into the fight now.
You know what? I'm too angry to care. I'm going to teach you a lesson you won't forget. “All right then,” I say softly, clenching my fists. “I'm going to show you just how strong I already am.”
Rose takes a few steps back, such that there's several meters between us. She gives me a cool look, and then she produces a sword from seemingly nowhere. “Have you forgotten?” she asks me calmly. Wait a minute, was she supposed to get a sword in this scene?
“Wait what? Forgotten what?” I ask tentatively, unsure if I want to hear the answer. Rose smirks, and then she drops the sword point down into the ground. However, instead of sticking into the dirt, it phases through the ground as if it were made of water, even leaving little ripples behind. Hold on a minute, that looks familiar...
“That I too, know Bankai,” Rose emits, and then two rows of katana blades emerge from the ground on either side of her, completely encompassing the whole field. Rose smiles evilly, and then the blades all turn bright pink. “Shatter, Senbonzakura Kageyoshi.”
My eyes widen, and then I promptly break the fuck away from the fight. “Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me!” I screech, and then I'm chased off into the distance by a swarm of deadly cherry blossom blades.
Meanwhile, in the Seireitei, Byakuya Kuchiki is ransacking his manor, trying to find out where the hell his zanpakuto went.
Love Poison Take 1:
Seth is sitting at the bar with Rainbow after the whole mess with Twilight occurred. Rainbow is attempting to cheer him up with cider, but it doesn't seem to be working. She sighs and rests her head on her hoof, drinking idly from a straw. If only there was some way she could help him that would actually work...
Rainbow suddenly sees Vinyl approaching them, taking a break from her current set list to visit them. However, she also notices a strange vial filled with a sickly pink fluid that bubbled ominously. Rainbow raises an eyebrow, for some reason finding that awfully familiar, but she can't quite figure out why. It isn't until Vinyl puts on the most evil grin and pours it into Seth's drink that she suddenly understands. Rainbow's eyes bug out when Seth goes to grab the cup.
“Seth! Wait! Don't drink that! Seeeeth!” Rainbow screeches so loudly that everypony in the bar turns to look at her. However, it's too late. Seth downs the drink entirely, and then he turns to look at Rainbow, making eye contact. Rainbow gulps, wondering how bad it's going to be this time.
“Why, what the hell is the matter?” Seth asks irritably. Rainbow lets out a sigh of relief. Perhaps humans weren't affected the same way as ponies were. Just then, a strange look crosses Seth face, and suddenly Rainbow feels quite exposed as the human's eyes trace over her form, lingering particularly on her lips, her toned muscles, and her flank. “You know...I never really noticed how fucking beautiful you are.”
“Oh no...” Rainbow moans, rubbing her face with both hooves. Behind Seth, Vinyl is snickering into both hooves, setting the empty glass aside. “Vinyl, I'm going to kill you, I swear.”
“No, seriously...you're just too perfect,” Seth praises her, and then he rests his hand on her shoulder, making Rainbow squirm uncomfortably. It's only when Seth's hand starts tracing down her side and heading for her flank that it gets too much for her. Rainbow yelps when his hand pinches her cutie mark, and then she bolts from the table, knocking over cups and chairs on her way out of the bar. Seth immediately gets up and follows her at a run. “No, come back, Rainbow! I love you!”
At this point, Vinyl is rolling around on the floor, beating her hoof on the floor repeatedly to express her mirth at her successful prank.
Seth chases Rainbow through the streets with his arms held out before him almost like a love zombie. “Come back, my love! I'll do anything for you!” Seth pleads.
“No! Gah! Somepony help!” Rainbow cries out helplessly as she speeds up. Yet somehow Seth is still keeping up with her. “Leave me alone!”
“Let's get together, my sweetie pie! We'll embrace tenderly underneath the stars and take long flights together in the morning sun!”
“Oh, sweet baby Celestia why!?”
Love Poison Take 2:
Seth stares at Vinyl, who has just stuffed a hoof into her own mouth to keep from continuing her own sentence. “Um...what was that?” Seth asks suspiciously.
“Nah. Just figured that joke was too bad, even for me,” Vinyl explains, removing her hoof. “Also I realized I'm too close to you to make a quick getaway.”
“Not to mention I'm right here. You were about to make another joke about me, weren't you?” Rainbow accuses, shoving Vinyl playfully. “You really need to cut that out.”
“As long as it annoys you, not gonna happen,” Vinyl quips, much to both Rainbow and Seth's exasperation. “Anyway, I'm getting more cider.”
“Me too,” Seth agrees, refilling his cup and returning to his seat. Just before he takes a sip of it, Rainbow quickly produces a vial of the same pink liquid and dumps it into the cup without Seth noticing. Vinyl sees it happen and her jaw drops, as she knows exactly what that is.
“Rainbow...you...” Vinyl stammers as Seth drinks the poisoned cider. Rainbow snickers and grabs Seth's head, forcing him to look at Vinyl, the two of them making eye contact. “Oh, horseapples.”
“Thought I forgot, didn't you!?” Rainbow screeches at Vinyl, and then she removes a video camera from nowhere and flicks on the recording light. “This is going right to the local newspaper.”
“Vinyl...you're looking exceptionally sexy tonight,” Seth says in that same enthralled voice that all love poison affected individuals used. He gets up and approaches her slowly. Vinyl looks up, taking off her shades and putting on a grin.
“You sure you want to record this, Rainbow?” Vinyl remarks, seemingly ignoring the approaching amorous Seth. “I'm feeling a little adventurous tonight. Who knows how far I'll let him go?”
Rainbow lets the camera drop from her grip, a blush forming on her face as Seth descends upon Vinyl. With an embarrassed squeak, she dashes out of the room, wondering what the hell she just unleashed.
Behind the backdrop, Terran34 is wearing an uncomfortable blush. “Brave, I don't think I thought this through,” he comments. However, he doesn't get a response. Terran34 turns to see Brave-Hooves watching with an inappropriate me gusta face on. “Oh son of a bitch. Quick! Somepony get Seth out of there!”
Chrysalis's Mistake:
“Oh, changeling not good enough for you? I can work with that,” Chrysalis titters, not offended in the least. Suddenly, her body shimmers, and she becomes Cadance again. “How about it? There's nothing I can't become. I can be anything, all for the purpose of fulfilling your every desire.”
As Seth watches, she cycles through several different ponies, settling on Rarity at one point. Every time, Chrysalis shows off her marehood, and Seth does his best not to puke all over the floor. Finally, she pauses. “Oh, who's this I see in your mind? Mm, this oughta get you a little hot and bothered,” she remarks, and then she transforms again into someone that Seth wished he'd never have to see again. Those bouncing blonde curls, that confident smirk...Chrysalis has taken the form of Janna.
Chrysalis bends over once more, and she grins when Seth starts to approach her. “Oh, did I do good?” she asks, but then she pauses when Seth powers up, his magic springing into existence and becoming so strong that it destroys part of the ceiling and blows out the windows. “Wait...I think I made a mistake...”
“You...not you...” Seth growls, and then he powers up even further, his hair shooting upwards and a streak of a black substance shooting through his right eye. He lifts a hand, his fingers elongated into claws, and clenches it into a fist. Chrysalis gulps audibly.
Meanwhile, the two guards outside the doorway suddenly become unenthralled. They look at each other in confusion as the ground starts to shake, and the sound of somepony getting mercilessly beaten to a pulp can be heard from inside the room.
“FUCK YOU!”
“OH FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY SOMEPONY STOP HIM!”
“I'M GONNA BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU CAN'T WALK! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A FEW MORE HOLES WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU!”
“HEEEEEEEELP!”
The two guards shrug, and return to guarding the room, figuring that the whole threat to Equestria would be dealt with now.
Time Travel Spell Revised: (inspired by Mad Maudlin's comment)
After defeating Chrysalis and capturing her, it had been an easy task to force the knowledge of the time travel spell out of her. Then, with the combined power of all of the princesses and Twilight, they planned to send me all the way back in time to my own time, at least for a little while.
I stand in the center of the room, a little bit nervous about going back after so long. “All right, let's get this over with. Come on, cast the spell already,” I demand of the three unicorns in front of me.
“All right. Come on, Luna, Twilight. Let's do this one thing for him, in return for all he's done,” Celestia requests. Luna and Twilight nod, and then they all power up at once, putting as much power into the spell as they can.
The bright green rune forms beneath me, and the images of several floating clocks start to rotate around me, their chimes blending together in a discordant cacophony. However, just before the spell fully takes effect, Pinkie bursts into the room.
“Wait for meee! I wanna go too!” Pinkie cries out, lunging into the spell just as it fires. “Wheeee!”
“Pinkie wait!” Twilight calls out just before the light blinds me, and the two of us disappear from the room.
When I next open my eyes, I'm standing in the stairwell of my school, and it looks exactly as it used to three thousand years ago. Hell, I can even hear the sounds of students moving around upstairs. However, there's a slight problem with this.
“Ooh! It looks all humany! Oh! What's this say? Sethie, what's it say?” Pinkie exclaims, pulling down a piece of paper off a bulletin board and shoving it in front of me.
“Did you really have to follow me back? What if you can't go back?” I demand. However, before Pinkie can respond, the bottom doorway opens, and Amaryllis comes charging in, looking extremely anxious. When she sees me standing up, she visibly lets out a sigh of relief. Thankfully because Pinkie is standing behind me, she doesn't see her just yet.
'You fucking dumbass! You had me so worried that something had happened to you! Is this some kind of joke!? I swear, I'll kick your ass into next week!” Amaryllis swears at me, storming up the stairs and glaring at me.
“Uh, yeah, it wasn't a joke. Yeah, you see that guy that I told you about? Turns out he zapped me three thousand years into the future where all mankind is dead and magic is like, everywhere,” I tell her all in one breath. Amaryllis blinks, wondering if I'm being serious or not. Then her eyes trail down to look at Pinkie as the hyperactive pony bounces into view. “Also, yeah, I brought you a pony.”
“What?” is all Amaryllis can say.
“Hi!” Pinkie declares, bouncing up and down. “My name's Pinkie Pie, and I'm going to be your new best friend!”
“...WHAT?!”
Battle Princess Luna: (inspired by my own stupidity)
“Uh...you sure you really want to call her this?” Brave-Hooves asks uncertainly, holding the script before him. Terran34 is sitting confidently in his director's chair, his arms crossed.
“Yeah, this is the coolest name! Trust me, the fans will love it. It's simple, but it doesn't change her title too much. Come on, trust me. Look, the scene's going on right now,” Terran34 assures him, pointing to the stage, where Luna, Seth, and the mane six were acting out the aftermath of Chrysalis's takeover.
Luna is quiet at first, and then she looks at her guards, who all nod. She turns back to them with a determined expression. “Very well. Then we hath made a decision. We shalt take command of the reclamation effort.”
“How? Even with you here, there's simply not enough of us,” Seth points out, deciding to throw aside his earlier optimism and face facts. “Chrysalis is stronger than all of us, and we might get overwhelmed before we even get to her. There's only twenty of us here, and four of us can't fight at all.”
“Rest assured, Seth Rogers. I hath confidence in mine ability to retake Canterlot. Thou shalt discover why I was once called...” Luna expresses. A determined grin slowly crosses her face. “...Battle Princess Luna.”
Suddenly, the scene comes to a halt as a swarm of fans burst in from the audience chambers and head directly for Terran34. The author has time to give one yelp before they oust him from his chair and throw him to the ground, where they proceed to stomp on his body repeatedly.
“That is a stupid name! Try changing it to Princess of Battle, or Princess of War!” Starlight Nova rants.
“Battle Princess Luna? Really? I think I've lost all hope in the creativeness of this story!” SpIRITofRANDOM yells.
Meanwhile, Brave-Hooves stands there shaking his head. Lifting a glass of tea, he sips from it and leaves the room. “You reap what you sow, man.”
The Fellowship of the Pony: (inspired by Mad Maudlin's comment)
With a blink of her eyes, the hologram reverts, once again showing the entirety of Canterlot. “This will not be an easy strategy. If it is to succeed, we will need each one of thee to give thy utmost effort. Art thou with us?”
“I am, Princess Luna. I want to save Princess Celestia, Cadance, and my brother. I'll fight if I need to!” Twilight is the first to respond. She scuffs the ground with a hoof, a determined expression on her face.
“If it means savin' Equestria, count me in. This is mah home too,” Applejack asserts, cracking her neck and stretching her limbs.
“I've got a score to settle with that Chrysalis jerk. You won't be leaving me behind,” Rainbow joins, her eyes narrowing.
“Just because I'm a lady doesn't mean I can't step up if necessary,” Rarity declares after Seth misses his line for some reason., throwing in with the rest of them.
“Oh! Me too! I wanna say something cool!” Pinkie exclaims, bouncing in place. She attempts to put on a serious face, except all it succeeds in doing is looking ridiculous. “I'll save you, princess! How was that?”
“I'll...try my best,” Fluttershy whispers, her voice barely audible.
“If you need me, you have my flame,” Spike promises. Finally, Seth decides to step in, a dumb grin on his face.
“...and my axe!” Seth declares, and then there's sound of a record screeching to a halt. The other ponies stare at him in annoyance and confusion. “What? Oh come on, that was the perfect moment for that reference!”
Behind the backdrop, Brave-Hooves is chuckling and Terran34 is resting his face in his palm. “Goddammit! Seth! Whose character are you anyway!?” Terran34 yells, only for a pistol shot to fire right between his legs. “Eeep!”
#YouKnewThisJokeWasComing:
This is it. This is the fight that this whole battle has been building up to, and the one I've been dreading ever since I felt her power in this very hall, back when I saved Rainbow and the others.
“Let's go, Seth Rogers,” Luna says softly, hunching down and scuffing the ground with her hoof.
“Right,” I reply grimly. Then, Luna and I both tap into our magic at the same time, exploding with magical power. This time, neither of us hold back. Thin pinpricks of light, like stars, appear in Luna's aura, while mine sparks with green electricity.
Chrysalis suddenly looks confused. “Hold on a minute. Luna, how the hay are you using magic?” the queen demands. We both look at her in confusion, wondering if she really doesn't know that her magic canceling field is down. “My cancellation field should still be up!”
“Obviously it's not working as well as you thought,” I remark. Suddenly, a grin crosses my face, confusing Chrysalis. I sidle closer to her, nudging her with my elbow. “You know what this means? Do you? Eh? Eeeh?”
“...What?” Chrysalis asks hesitantly, unsure if she really wants to know the answer.
I then put on the most robotic facial expression that I can muster, looking her right in the eyes. “YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS!”
Chrysalis and Luna both promptly hit the floor out of exasperation, and there's the sound of Terran34 throwing his clipboard across the room behind the backdrop. “Goddammit!” the author yells as I laugh my ass off.
What most of you were thinking:
“Yeah, sure, let's go!” Rainbow says, seeming much happier than before. We move back towards the street, but Rainbow slows down just before we leave. Ugh, what the hell is her problem now? “Hey...so, before we go back out there...I wanted to ask. Did you mean what you said before? About me...being your reason to live?”
Fuck...I did say something like that, didn't I? Goddammit, I thought we were all going to die back there. Way to go, Seth, just blurt out whatever's on your fucking mind just because things got a bit dicey. Well...more than a bit. Still, this is an embarrassing thing to admit to.
“I'm not saying it again, and if you tell anypony I said that, I will deny it with every fiber of my being,” I express vehemently, though my words pretty much tell Rainbow exactly what I'm feeling. Rainbow grins and emits a fucking squee (and this is the first goddamn time I've heard her do that), and then blushes slightly. “And stop blushing! I was just telling the truth!”
Rainbow is about to emit her next line when all of a sudden a voice screams from offscreen. “JUST F*CK ALREADY!” A record screeches to a halt as both Seth and Rainbow blush even more intensely and look away from one another.
“WHO SAID THAT!? WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT!?” Terran34 screeches irritably at the interruption of another of his scenes. Of course, no one owns up to it, but everyone laughs at it. Including Brave-Hooves. “Stop laughing, you're not helping!”
Animorph Spell: (inspired by Mad Maudlin's comment)
Rainbow is sitting alone in Seth's room at Vinyl's house, waiting for him to get back from whatever it is he's doing so that she can keep hanging with him. After the whole mess at the royal wedding, she finds herself wanting to hang out with him more and more, though she will never admit that to anypony ever. She just keeps getting so excited whenever he's around, and she's finding it harder and harder to justify that to herself.
“So uh...” Rainbow hears Seth say from outside the closed door to his room. He sounds uncomfortable, for whatever reason. “So you know how I've been getting better with magic and stuff?”
“Yeah, so?” Rainbow demands, wondering why he's hiding himself outside of his own room like that.
“So I found a transformation spell in Starswirl the Bearded's book...” Seth continues, and then he walks into the room. Rainbow's jaw drops when she sees a handsome male pegasus walk into the room.
Seth's coat is a beautiful chestnut brown that gleams in the dim light. His mane is very similar to his hair as a human, falling down both sides of his face in a cascade of shimmering ebony, and his eyes are a bright green. Thick corded muscles from his runs with Rainbow ripple clearly through his limbs.
Seth coughs uncomfortably under Rainbow's intense stare, flexing his new wings. “So...how do I look?” Seth asks awkwardly.
Rainbow's tongue slowly hangs out of her mouth, and then without warning...
PWOMF!
...both of her wings shoot open to their full span, completely erect. A line of drool drips from her tongue, and then before Seth has a chance to react, she charges him, pouncing atop him and throwing him to the bed. “You. Me. Right now. No questions, just do it,” Rainbow orders breathlessly.
Meanwhile, Vinyl opens her front door, wondering why she doesn't see Seth anywhere. He is supposed to be hanging out with Rainbow, but there's no sign of them. Then, she becomes aware of the sound of squeaking bed-springs emanating from Seth's upstairs bedroom.
“All right...” Vinyl remarks with an amused grin. She turns right back around and leaves the house. “Freakin' about time already. I think I'll give them a little privacy.”
If there wasn't at least one of these in here, I think I'd be lynched or something:
“You've lived with me for a while now. You're practically my roomie,” Vinyl begins, looking happy to explain. “It's going to get a little lonely around the place without you around.”
“So...you're saying that if I moved out, you'd miss me?” Seth says, wanting to make sure he understood.
“I wouldn't have put it quite like that because it makes me sound lame, but yes,” Vinyl responds after a pause, looking sheepish. “It'd just be weird not having you around the house.”
“Oh, but you shouldn't worry too much,” Seth remarks, a grin on his face. “Want to know why?”
“Sure,” Vinyl replies, curious. Then, out of nowhere, Seth whips out a red sweater and puts it on over a white dress shirt, complete with a nice tie tucked into the sweater.
“Because...I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you~,” Seth randomly starts singing in a soft baritone voice. Vinyl's eyebrow shoots right up into her mane, wondering what the hell Seth was smoking. “I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you~”
“Uh...Seth? Are you...” Vinyl starts to say, but then she yelps when Seth hooks an arm into one of her legs and starts dancing with her.
“So let's make the most of this beautiful day! Since we're together, we might as well say~” Seth continues. Behind the backdrop, the sound of Terran34 beating himself into a concussion can be heard. “Would you be mine, could you be mine? Won't you be my neighbor?”
“Yes, just please for the love of Celestia, stop singing!” Vinyl begs.
Back-scratching Business:
I stand next to the counter, a clipboard held in my hand. Behind me is Aloe, who is dealing with one of the customers who came in a few moments earlier. I think Lotus is actually with one of them in the back.
Damn it, why am I even here? Oh right, it's because I let myself get convinced that it would be worth tempering my sense of pride in order to get some extra money. According to Aloe, there are tons of ponies out there who would pay a lot of money in order to get their back scratched by someone with fingers. So here I am. My first customer is set to arrive in several minutes. I only hope it's not too painful of an experience.
The door to the spa opens, ringing the little bell. I groan miserably when the first thing I hear is. “Ooohhh Sethiee!” As expected, Lyra prances into the building with a giant fucking smile on her face that makes me wish I'd never signed up for this. “Let's see you put those hands to work!”
“Goddammit, why did I just know it would be you?” I groan. Aloe giggles behind me, knowing full well of what happened. “Ugh. At least it's only a little over ten minutes. Come on, let's get this over with.”
“Oh, don't lie, Sethie. You know you want to run your hands all over me,” Lyra teases me as I accompany her to one of the back rooms. She flops down on one of the tables on her stomach, waiting expectantly for my touch.
“Fuck you, Lyra,” I retort, reaching down with my hands and starting to scratch her back. Lyra lets out a long soft moan that makes me extremely uncomfortable. Her moan turns into a soft sigh as she practically melts beneath this treatment.
“Not unless you buy me dinner first,” Lyra responds sleepily. I scoff and count the minutes until it's finally time for her to go.
“All right, time's up. Now pay me and get the hell out of here,” I snap at her once the fifteen minutes are up. Lyra just gives me a cheeky smile along with her payment, and then she leaves the salon.
The next customer comes in, and I raise an eyebrow, because it's another mint green unicorn, only this time he has a mustache and a hate, along with some sunglasses and a coat. “Hello, I'm here for the back-scratching?” he calls in a strange gruff voice that almost sounds a little forced. I sigh and take him back as well.
The next customer is yet another mint green unicorn with a beard, spectacles, and a fedora, along with a scientists coat. When the next customer is yet another mint green unicorn, I get suspicious and whip off the hat and fake facial hair to reveal a sheepish looking Lyra.
“Seriously? Has it been you the whole time?” I demand. Lyra nods with a bright smile as if nothing is wrong. I turn back to a snickering Aloe. “Did you know about this?”
“Of course! Why would I turn her down?” Aloe responds innocently. “I mean, sure, she booked all the appointment slots for tonight, but she did pay us quite a lot.”
“For the whole NIGHT!?” I exclaim in shock as Lyra giggles innocently behind me.
Lyra turns around and wiggles her rump at me. “Better get scratching Sethie!” she calls to me with a smirk.
This is going to be a long day.
The Undead:
After I slide down the next part of the shaft, I soon near another opening to the shaft. I peer through the slits in the vent cover. There's a wide room beneath me that looks like it has been re-purposed into a makeshift barracks...and there's actually ponies in there. Well, except they're dead. Just like Frozen, each and every one of those ponies are dead and decomposed to skeletons, moving through magical power. They're all standing there aimlessly, not making a sound.
I smirk and punch the vent cover off, figuring that as long as they're not Oppressed, I can handle them without much trouble. “All right, I'm about to put you all back in the ground where you belong!” I declare confidently, landing on the floor and powering up.
The skeletons don't move. They don't even turn to look at me, instead staring straight forward from their sightless eyes. They're almost like statues, but without the stand to hold them up. If they hadn't been standing up, I'd have ignored them entirely.
“Oookay, then,” I say, feeling a little awkward that I'd just announced myself to a room full of undead ponies that apparently couldn't hear it. I approach one of the skeletons to see if it'll react to me now. It doesn't, so I'm essentially just staring at a statue. “Why they hell are they just standing there? They're like, all in a row...like they're preparing for some kind of dance number. Hey! Why are you all standing like that?”
Suddenly, the first skeleton whips out a curly black wig and a white suit. In a clear voice, he starts to sing a very familiar song, each of the skeletons dancing in sync and dancing from side to side.
I turn around and leave the room without another word. I'm done. I'm just done. I quit this fucking fic. Go find another main character.
A Different Soundtrack:
“Are you sure we need speakers this big? This is a fanfiction, I'm pretty sure that half the guys that read this don't even listen to the music,” Brave-Hooves asks again as he carries one of the speakers Terran34 requested inside of the studio. “You know that, right?”
“Yes, yes, whatever. And that's why I'm getting these speakers. That way they'll be forced to listen to my epic musical choices!” Terran34 responds irritably, waving his hand as if he was dismissing Brave-Hooves's concerns. “Mwahahaa!”
“Welp, the author's gone insane,” Brave-Hooves comments, figuring that there's no point in arguing when Terran34 gets to this point. Suddenly, an evil glint appears in Brave-Hooves's eyes as an idea came to him. “All right. Don't worry, I'll handle the soundtrack. Pass me the remote, would you?”
“Sure. Just make sure to follow my playlists exactly, or I'll come after you,” Terran34 warns him, and then he passes the remote to the speakers over to Brave-Hooves, who catches it. “Now get ready. The Mega Oppressed is about to show up, and the music is crucial for that portion.”
Brave-Hooves nods, and then he sits back against the speakers with the remote in his hand. On stage, Seth has just finished looking through the cameras in the laboratory.
Something slams into the reinforced metal door where he came in, denting it and almost tearing it right off of the hinges. A feral roar fills the room, filling Seth's heart with dread. As the Mega Oppressed barrels through the door, a certain song starts playing from the speakers.
Seth's eyes widen and he screams like a little girl, dashing the other direction. “TAAAAAAANKK!” Seth screamed, running off screen. He soon met up with Brave-Hooves, who was now running from an enraged Terran34. “Wait what the hell? Why are you in the scene?”
“I'm in the scene?” Brave-Hooves asks as he runs. Seth nods. At first, Brave-Hooves looks really excited, but then he realizes what the roars and thudding footsteps behind him mean. “Oh shit, it's right behind me!”
“Me too! Aaaaaaggh!” Terran34 screams at the top of his lungs, and then suddenly there's three humans running down the hallway.
“Seth, I'm here to...what the hay?” Rainbow remarks as they zoom past her. “I think this scene got messed up somewhere.”
Different Soundtrack 2:
I take a few steps back from it, trembling a little from beneath its eyeless gaze. Then, the whispering intensifies, and then wisps of a glowing, translucent blue substance stream into the room from all over the place. Behind a pillar, from the upper floors, from behind me, from the individual rooms, and even from the mummified body in the magical field, the wisps converge upon the skull of the bone construct. They seep inside of its eyes, mouth, and cracks in the skull...and then the entire construct shudders, as if coming alive. Its eye sockets suddenly fill with two ominous orbs of glowing crimson light, and both of them turn to glare down at me.
“Prepare yourself, Seth Rogers...I'm going to show you the necromantic magic that destroyed your kind's defenses, once and for all!” The construct's mouth opens and closes with each syllable, Vanta's voice emanating from within. The skeleton leans down and takes a combat stance, its talons scratching against one another with a painful screech.
“Oh trust me, I'm ready for you,” I respond with a grin. Much to Vanta's surprise, I turn around and quickly put on a set of equipment that I find beneath a pile of bones. Then, equipped in a full set of 3D maneuver gear, I take to the skies and wield my dual blades with gusto as a certain song plays in the background.
“HOW!? HOW DID THAT SHIT EVEN GET ON THE PLAYLIST!?” Terran34 demands shrilly, shooting an intense glare at Brave-Hooves, who is whistling innocently, stuffing the hundred dollars in cash that Seth had given him to set all of this up. Terran34 groans and slumps back in his director's chair. “I hate my job.”
Mob Justice:
Vanta holds out his hand, and a wicked black scythe with jagged edges bursts out of a pile of bones on the left wall of the room and zooms to his grip. Vanta brings the scythe down to his side, and just that one action sends a shockwave through the ground so powerful, it tears up the area for several yards and sends dirt and rock into the air. Finally, Vanta's jaws open and an otherworldly screech bursts forth from his maw.
“Are you impressed? I've been pouring the magic power of everyone and anything I find into this body for years and years, and now that King Sombra is gone, I am the strongest being in existence,” Vanta exults, lifting a bony hand and gazing at it almost lovingly. He glares at me next, bringing his scythe to bear. “Prepare yourself, Seth. With this form, I'll end this in a second!”
Seth sighs and looks away, clearly uninterested. “Please, I have something far worse up my sleeve than that,” he remarks. When Vanta looks confused, Seth grins evilly. “The fans.”
Seth proceeds to rip open the fabric of the backdrop, revealing the audience studio where the fans were watching. When they see a way in, suddenly a huge crowd of fans stampede in and pile over a screaming Vanta like zombies.
“Take this you son of a bitch!”
“Death by irony! That's how we kill you!”
“This is for the human race!”
Seth walks away towards a dumbfounded Rainbow, looking satisfied. “Aaand, victory is mine.”
“There's no way that just happened,” Rainbow states as Vanta is torn limb from limb by the rabid fans.
What Happens When You Kiss a Pony: (inspired by Xzaves's comment)
Her lips press against mine, completely overwhelming my body with so many sensations that I can't even describe. I can feel her body pressing against me, her muscles tensing and her chest heaving, even as her breath fills my lungs.
I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never kissed a girl like this before, but it doesn't seem like Rainbow cares. Her hoof is wrapped around the back of my head, holding me close. I can feel her sighing in relief and pure happiness, seemingly stemming from just this simple act.
My cheeks are filled with a heat so intense, unlike any that I've ever felt before. My body feels tense, yet more alive than ever. My heart pumps with an intensity so great that I feel it beating against the underside of my chest.
Suddenly, I clamp my hands down on Rainbow's shoulders, pushing her away. Rainbow grunts in surprise and confusion, wanting to get back to me, but I won't let her. I suddenly start hacking and coughing, feeling one of the worst sensations in the world right now.
“What? What's the matter?” Rainbow asks anxiously, still blushing from the kiss. She beats on me back, thinking that I was choking. “Are you okay? Seth!?”
“Gah...hair in my mouth...” I manage to get out, and then I go right back to coughing. Rainbow puts on a flatbrowed expression.
“Really...?” Rainbow deadpans as the sounds of Terran34 and Brave-Hooves laughing in the studio echo in her ears. “Ugh, guess we gotta do the scene again.”
Seth's Last Mistake:
“Um...I don't think you can fit in here,” Seth remarks, looking up at the vent that he'd bolted through to avoid getting torn to shreds by the Oppressed. He couldn't see it last time because it was so dark, but now, he notices just how small it is.
“I beg your pardon?” Celestia responds, and Seth swears she sounds indignant. She joins him in the prison cell and looks up at the vent.
“Yeah! Maybe you should think twice before eating all that cake and not doing anything all day!” Seth yells at her in annoyance. Celestia's expression darkens and her eyes glow golden, but Seth doesn't seem to notice. “I mean, Jesus Christ woman! It's like, Fat Bastard called: he wants his ass back! For...”
The resulting explosion could be seen all the way from the Crystal Empire, where Hawke is sitting on a rock in front of a campfire. “Huh,” Hawke comments, and then he goes back to cooking his fish.
The Necromantic Heart:
The room itself is completely covered in that same flesh like substance in the hallway, only now there's sagging pods of darker colored flesh on the walls. There's a large metal archway in the center of the room, with tendrils of flesh snaking up the metal. Suspended by several thick red cords of translucent flesh in the center of the archway is a massive heart like structure. Every second, it would pulsate and shift, beating like an actual heart. Each beat sends a dark fluid shooting through the cords and into the archway.
The relative peace in which the heart operates is suddenly shattered as a fucking convertible Lamborghini slams in through the front doorway, sending bits of metal and flesh everywhere. Seated in the driver's seat is Seth, wearing a 80's metal rock outfit and a set of Kamina style sunglasses, the triple barreled shotgun clenched in his free hand.
In the passengers seat is Celestia, her mane all frizzy and wild. She's wearing spiked bracelets on her two front hooves, and two high top laced boots on her back two hooves. In addition, she's wearing a black leather vest over a red plaid shirt. To top it all off, she is wearing aviator sunglasses.
The car's radio blasts out an old rock song as the two of them unleashed their attacks all at once, shooting the heart full of holes with magical blasts and shotgun shells, all while the two of them are rocking out to the theme from the radio. “Hell yeah, dial that bitch up to 11!” Seth cries out.
“Kick it!” Celestia agrees, blasting the remainder of the heart to oblivion. Meanwhile, in the back studio, Brave-Hooves is rolling around on the floor laughing while Terran34 is bloodying his head on the nearby wall.
Winter Wrap-Up: (inspired by Pontiac56's comment)
“Oh, Winter Wrap-Up?” Twilight responds, eager to explain another part of her culture to me. “It's an annual event that all ponies do at the end of winter. It's where we all work together to clear the wintry environment and make way for spring!”
“Something tells me this is going to give me a headache. So what exactly does that entail?” I ask even though he's sure it's going to be something absolutely ridiculous.
“There's quite a lot of difficult tasks. I'm actually the organizer for the whole event...” Twilight begins.
“That's not surprising,” Seth interjects with a grin, much to Twilight's annoyance. Twilight's a control freak at times, so of course she's in charge of everything.
“...because it's what I'm good at, as opposed to heavy lifting or something similar,” Twilight continues, ignoring my interruption. “Some of the things we have to do is wake up the animals, retrieve the birds that went south, and...”
“Oh my god, I was hoping it wouldn't be that bad,” Seth groans, interrupting her again. Twilight huffs and gives him a pouting expression. “So everything that nature should be doing, you do for it?”
“But nature doesn't do that. If we don't wake up the animals, how will they know when spring is here?” Twilight asks curiously. Suddenly, Seth gets up from his seat and flies out of the building through the window. “Seth? Where are you going? Seth!?”
Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Celestia blinks, hearing the sound of something crashing against stone. She walks out to her balcony and looks down to her garden. To her shock, she sees Seth standing next to the statue of Discord, smashing it repeatedly with a massive sledgehammer.
“Take this! This. Is. For. Nature. You son of a. Bitch!”
Celestia sighs and walks back inside, because she knows it won't do any good. All Seth is going to do is knock himself out.
Blatant Reference:
“Say it,” Cadance tells me, nudging me in the middle of the Crystal Tower's hallway, right after she mentioned Rainbow and I being together. I groan, wishing I was anywhere other than here.
“Fuck you.”
“Not until you say it!”
I sigh and give her a glare. “You're really going to force me on this?” I demand. Cadance puts her face right up next to mine when she replies.
“I'm practically dripping right now. I NEED to hear this!” Cadance tells me firmly with that bright grin on her face, her voice slightly wavering.
“Fine! You were right!” I yell angrily. Cadance's response is to let out a long emphatic moan, her back legs shaking. “Jump up your own ass and DIE!”
Hawke's Appearance: (inspired by Everyone's comments)
“Seth Rogers...I wouldst give thee one last gift, from me to thee,” he states enigmatically. Then, he lifts his head and faces towards the Crystal Tower. “Amaryllis, attend to me.”
A soft wind starts to blow through the streets, which are now completely silent save for the sounds of battle in the distance. If Seth didn't know better, he'd say that he can actually see the wind. Seth recoils when he discovers that he actually can. The wind contains traces of a strange black smoke that is flowing towards them rapidly. When Seth sees traces of green electricity sparking through the smoke, he realizes that he's about to come face to face with the necromancer he saw in the ruins.
The smoke starts to slowly coalesce into a tall form next to Sombra, except it's much to tall to be a pony. What the hell species is this...my thoughts slowly trail off into total shock when the form starts to gain definition. At long last, Vanta's last words come back to me, at last making sense.
“You're not alone...”
The tall, muscled form of another human coalesces in the air next to Sombra. Seth get to my feet, staring in shock upon seeing another of his race in the flesh, completely alive for the first time in months, after I was certain that they were all dead. Something isn't right, however.
“Mwahahaha! Look at me!” Amaryllis proclaims, standing atop a rock as the sun shines down on her dramatically. “I have returned from the depths of hell to take my revenge on you! You and I, once best friends and almost lovers, now forced to fight one another in a tragic battle that will tear your very...fuck, this is a cliché plot line.”
“Yeah, tell me about it,” Seth complains, glaring back towards Terran34, who was sighing and already making changes to the script.
“Man, fuck the both of you,” Terran34 grumbles.
Hawke's Appearance Take 2: (inspired by Everyone's comments)
“Seth Rogers...I wouldst give thee one last gift, from me to thee,” he states enigmatically. Then, he lifts his head and faces towards the Crystal Tower. “Janna, attend to me.”
A soft wind starts to blow through the streets, which are now completely silent save for the sounds of battle in the distance. If Seth didn't know better, he'd say that he can actually see the wind. Seth recoils when he discovers that he actually can. The wind contains traces of a strange black smoke that is flowing towards them rapidly. When Seth sees traces of green electricity sparking through the smoke, he realizes that he's about to come face to face with the necromancer he saw in the ruins.
The smoke starts to slowly coalesce into a tall form next to Sombra, except it's much to tall to be a pony. What the hell species is this...my thoughts slowly trail off into total shock when the form starts to gain definition. At long last, Vanta's last words come back to me, at last making sense.
“You're not alone...”
The limber, petite form of another human coalesces in the air next to Sombra. Seth get to my feet, staring in shock upon seeing another of his race in the flesh, completely alive for the first time in months, after I was certain that they were all dead. Something isn't right, however.
“Mwahahaha! Look at...!” Janna begins, but before she can get any further, Seth is already on top of her, beating the absolute shit out of her. She screams out in pain just long enough for Seth to lift her into the air by the neck, and then drop her into a pit of shark-infested acid placed behind her solely for the purpose of this joke.
“To be fair, t'was a horrible villain idea,” Sombra advises Terran34 as the author attempts to find away to murder himself with his own tie.
Hawke's Theme Song: (inspired by Dostya's comment)
The tall, muscled form of another human coalesces in the air next to Sombra. I get to my feet, staring in shock upon seeing another of my race in the flesh, completely alive for the first time in months, after I was certain that they were all dead. Something isn't right, however.
The man, once his form is fully stabilized, is holding a beaten and broken Twilight by the neck in one hand. She coughs weakly, showing that she's alive, but she's been hurt badly. Celestia gasps in horror to see her student in such a shape, and then she glares angrily at the both of them.
“You...human...how?” Is all I can say as I approach the man, taking in his features as I do so. The man looks to be a Russian male in his late twenties to early thirties. When he hears my voice, the man lifts his head and stares at me with sunken blue eyes. I start to feel that same feeling of hatred that I felt down in the ruins.
Hawke is about to start his early lines, but then he glares up at the sky, where the music is playing from. “That is not my theme song,” he states firmly. “We don't even look anything alike. I don't shave the sides of my head like that. Plus, there aren't even any tanks...”
Terran34 looked over to Brave-Hooves with a deadpan stare. “Oh great, and now he's triggered. Gonna be all day with this.”
“I regret nothing.” Brave-Hooves remarks.
Hawke's Theme Song 2: (inspired by Anonymous's and cryptarch's comments)
The tall, muscled form of another human coalesces in the air next to Sombra. I get to my feet, staring in shock upon seeing another of my race in the flesh, completely alive for the first time in months, after I was certain that they were all dead. Something isn't right, however.
The man, once his form is fully stabilized, is holding a beaten and broken Twilight by the neck in one hand. She coughs weakly, showing that she's alive, but she's been hurt badly. Celestia gasps in horror to see her student in such a shape, and then she glares angrily at the both of them.
“You...human...how?” Is all I can say as I approach the man, taking in his features as I do so. The man looks to be a Russian male in his late twenties to early thirties. When he hears my voice, the man lifts his head and stares at me with sunken blue eyes. I start to feel that same feeling of hatred that I felt down in the ruins.
Hawke is about to start his early lines, but then he glares up at the sky. “Okay, this time you're clearly doing it on purpose. Let me start by telling you why that's bullshit...”
“Brave! I swear to god, if you break him one more time I'm going to shiv you!” Terran34 yells at a snickering Brave-Hooves.
Hawke's Theme Song 3:
The tall, muscled form of another human coalesces in the air next to Sombra. I get to my feet, staring in shock upon seeing another of my race in the flesh, completely alive for the first time in months, after I was certain that they were all dead. Something isn't right, however.
The man, once his form is fully stabilized, is holding a beaten and broken Twilight by the neck in one hand. She coughs weakly, showing that she's alive, but she's been hurt badly. Celestia gasps in horror to see her student in such a shape, and then she glares angrily at the both of them.
“You...human...how?” Is all I can say as I approach the man, taking in his features as I do so. The man looks to be a Russian male in his late twenties to early thirties. When he hears my voice, the man lifts his head and stares at me with sunken blue eyes. I start to feel that same feeling of hatred that I felt down in the ruins.
Hawke is about to start his early lines, but this time, he powers up straight to his transformed state, destroying the entire area around him. “OH COME ON!” Hawke roars, and then he sends a wave of destructive darkness right through the studio, practically burning Terran34 and Brave-Hooves to a crisp.
Hawke's Theme Song 4:
“You're not alone...”
The tall, muscled form of another human coalesces in the air next to Sombra. I get to my feet, staring in shock upon seeing another of my race in the flesh, completely alive for the first time in months, after I was certain that they were all dead. Something isn't right, however.
The man, once his form is fully stabilized, is holding a beaten and broken Twilight by the neck in one hand. She coughs weakly, showing that she's alive, but she's been hurt badly. Celestia gasps in horror to see her student in such a shape, and then she glares angrily at the both of them.
“You...human...how?” Is all I can say as I approach the man, taking in his features as I do so. The man looks to be a Russian male in his late twenties to early thirties. When he hears my voice, the man lifts his head and stares at me with sunken blue eyes. I start to feel that same feeling of hatred that I felt down in the ruins.
Hawke is about to start his early lines, but before he can, Vinyl zooms up behind him with her musical set up, along with my phone that has YouTube open. If you're asking how the hell it has signal, ask Pinkie, who is standing right to her.
“Hey there, big guy!” Vinyl calls to get his attention, and then she presses play. A certain song starts to play that makes Hawke stiffen and turn around, practically with tears in his eyes.
Hawke makes a powerful salute and starts to sing along as much as he can in his native language, while I exchange high fives with Pinkie and Vinyl.
Epilogue:
“I'm so done with screening for today,” Terran34 comments, walking with Brave-Hooves towards the exit to the studio. “If ONE more actor fucks up, I'm going to lose my goddamn mind.”
“You know, it's your fault for picking such crazy characters to be in your fic,” Brave-Hooves teases him. “Maybe you wouldn't have such trouble if you wrote something original...and if you weren't such a little bitch.”
“Yeah, well, fuck you too, best buddy,” Terran34 shoots back, causing his friend to laugh. Then, the two of them open the door that leads to the lobby...only to stop dead in their tracks at the sight laid out before them.
There are tables set up all over the place, with hundreds of ponies, as well as Hawke, Seth, Amaryllis, and Janna, though that last one has a bite taken out of her face, courtesy of an angry shark. The tables are covered with plates upon plates of Mexican food.
At the front of the group is King Sombra, dressed in a sombrero and holding a taco with his magic. Upon seeing them approach, he grins widely. “EEEEEEEY! Come on in, have a taco!” he calls to them in the most overly exaggerated, stereotypical Mexican accent they've ever heard. “We having a lil fiesta to celebrate the 100th chapter special!”
“What. The. Fuck.” Terran34 states. Pinkie bounds up to him, the grin on her face suggesting that she had something to do with it.
“Get it? It's King Sombra-ero!” Pinkie proclaims. Terran34 then turns to the screen and starts walking towards it.
“That's it. I'm done. I'm not writing this special anymore. I'm going to go find a cliff and...”
**Screen goes black**
Aaand there we go. After a few hours of typing completely random bullshit like this, my roommate knocks on my door and asks me why the hell I keep laughing to myself like some kind of deranged lunatic. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed all of this bullshit that my friends and I came up with.
If you're wondering why Brave-Hooves was in practically every other scene, it's because he and I are very close friends, so that's why. In addition, I used a lot of your names in this. If you'd rather I not keep your name up here, feel free to message me and I'll replace your name with Anonymous.
After this, it's spring break, and fucking season 5 is coming out, so I'm not sure when the next chapter will be coming out. But hopefully this piece of ridiculousness will be enough to tide you all over until then.
That picture of Celestia nuking the place was done by this guy right here.
Make sure you leave your comments and let me know what you all thought of this dumb chapter! 
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oh god i can't even breath that was great!
Congratulations on 100 chapters! Oh and also...
...
Pfffffffffft-BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHhaha... That was funny as hell man!
^ (That is nearly exactly the sound I made)
That was fucking hilarious. Every time Seth intentionally fucked up a scene was brilliant, and you and Brave screwing around was gut busting. Awesome work dude, very good 100th special
5816606
Did you like your cameo in it?
5816801 Definitely. The first one about the comment was hilarious. I went back and checked and my first comment was tiny, just something like 'This story is awesome, good work!' or something. The second one about the Discord statue was brilliant. That statue is gonna get crushed
All of these. Side stories. Now. Especially with Pinkie and Seth back in his time.
In all seriousness though, this was hilarious. I was laughing my ass off, especially that last one...
This was a nice enjoyable little break. Reading the outline was funny too. I think I like the major point about why he would ever choose the ponies. :P Now I just hope the main plot will advance in a more interesting manner.
This... Was fucking amazing.
No more needs to be said.
So is this skippable? It doesn't seem cannonical just skimming through
5818910
I mean, technically it is, but because I wrote it and I'm biased, I'm going to tell you to read it anyway, to at least bridge the gap between this chapter and the next.
Congrats on the awesome milestone. Let there be mucho celebrations with tacos and churros and blackjack and hookers....
Yay flugelhorns!!!!
There is spit, milk, and snot all over my computer because of this chapter.
Favorite. Author. EVER.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/047/615/motivatorc3a304b3e05d3a221eb79e5b69f71f20dd8dcbc0.jpg
Sorry I'm so late. I've been EXTREMELY busy practicing starcraft 2 and other games. Spring break, sooooooo.. y'know.
I was laughing so hard that I pissed myself
And then Celestia screams "get in my belly!", opens her mouth and proceeds too eat Se-
this chapter is beyond glorious. kek/kek. And now: back to our regualy scedualed programming: war!
Just died laughing yesssssss lol
Hahahhahahahahahahahaha!!
Awsome chapter Dude! Loved the hellsing abridged parts!!
Finally going to give this story a like I guess.
While on the topic of stupid bullshit, there's an easy solution to stop King Sombra and his undead army. It would involve having Pinkie dump Celestia in a certain mirror pool. A small army of Celestias. Wouldn't that be great?! Chapter special was brilliant. Dat love poison though lmao.