Feathers
Feathers*
-*These are small fractures in a diamond. They are usually caused by the tremendous stress that the diamond suffered while it was growing underground. The term comes from the fact that, under magnification, these fractures often seem to have an indistinct, feathery shape. source
Smack! Diamond Tiara’s face flattened against the uneven bark of a tree.
“Ow!” She put a hoof to her scrunched face. “What the hay is this tree doing in my way!” She had been so caught up in the reminiscing of her own bad memories in light of her recent defeat and yelling at Silver Spoon to go away because she was useless that she had forgotten to watch where she had been going. She kicked the plant as she turned away from it, deciding that it was at least a good source of shade for someone as tired as her. Her father had left for the weekend as he did so often on a business trip, passing on the opportunity to read a poem she wrote and promising once again to read it when he got back. He had done this twice now to the same poem. Diamond Tiara liked to write, but being dethroned from her journalism position at school and her parents never caring was about the most discouraging environment that she could ask for. She flopped down in the grass, sinking into a spell of pouting with her cooling frustration.
“It was a stupid poem anyway…” She whispered to the blades of grass. At least they were soft. Despite the air around her being cool for a summer breeze and bearing an exceptionally fresh scent, now that Silver Spoon was gone Diamond Tiara found herself feeling rather claustrophobic, pent up in her own self pity.
“I don't need her,” She assured herself. “I’ll show them myself. It should be me carrying Ponyville's flag anyway not that flightless airhead. I’ll teach those blank flanks to mess with me.” Her reverie was short lived. She immediately smashed the impending feeling under a layer of heated resentment as soon as her eyes caught sight of Scootaloo and her two friends coming back from the train station. She stood up impulsively, glaring at them from a distance as they deliberated whatever it was that blank flanks talked about. Certainly not cutie marks.
She watched as they came to some kind of agreement, putting their hooves together and cheering. Scootaloo presently turned toward the road Diamond Tiara was beside as the Pegasus’ friends headed in the opposite direction.
“Alright, I’ll meet you at Sweet Apple Acres,” she called returning a wave from Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. Thoroughly irritated with their cheeriness, Diamond Tiara turned back to the tree with a face scrunched up in its own foul mood. She could hear Scootaloo's wings buzzing her scooter along and got it in her head that she couldn't let her pass without doing something. She had to bring her happiness down a level, maybe make her crash or something. She bit down on a stub of a branch near the base of the tree, trying to yank it off. She couldn't do it and when she heard Scootaloo getting close she stopped, spitting the taste of bark out of her mouth and giving the stubborn twig a kick with her front hoof.
“Stupid t-” whack! “Ah-” The thin end of the branch recoiled back like a spring and caught her like a whip under her right eye. It snapped shut as she flinched with a squeak. The cut stung when she touched it and she immediately drew back and placed her hoof back down. She stood silently and waited for Scootaloo to pass by behind her. It was several moments before Diamond Tiara made out the crackling of dry soil under the tires of a scooter as it rolled slowly to a stop.
“A-are you okay?” Came a concerned voice.
“Of course,” Diamond Tiara put on, refusing to turn around. “Why? Are you here to gloat?”
“Um…No,” Scootaloo glanced from side to side.
“You know I bet you only won cause they felt sorry for you,” Diamond Tiara sneered. “Not being able to fly and all.”
“This again?” Scootaloo slumped against her scooter’s handlebars in disappointment.
“Yes. Our performance was obviously superior,” She turned her nose up, her right eye still clamped shut.
“So go tell your Dad then,” Scootaloo remarked hopping back onto her scooter.
“F-fine!” Diamond Tiara stammered.
“I’m sure he can’t wait to hear it.” Scootaloo raised her tiny wings and bent against the handlebars.
“No he won’t!” Diamond Tiara yelled whirling around. Scootaloo stopped, letting her scooter tilt to the side and placing one hoof back on the road.
“What?” She stared at Diamond Tiara, puzzled by her sudden change of tone.
“He’s not even home…” Diamond Tiara trailed off, losing her grip on a tear that had formed in the corner of her injured eye.
“Hey what’s wrong with your eye?” Scootaloo asked. Diamond Tiara turned her head away.
“Besides,” She continued. “He doesn't listen to me. He won’t even read my poems.” Scootaloo set her scooter down, approaching Diamond Tiara.
“You write poetry?” Scootaloo tilted her head while Diamond Tiara still refused to turn hers. “Here, let me see it.” She added, raising a hoof.
“Wh-” Diamond Tiara took a step back. “I don’t have it with me. Besides, it’s not like I would let-”
“No silly,” Scootaloo interrupted her. “Your eye. Does it hurt?”
“It’s fine,” She pulled her head away as Scootaloo moved around her “Don’t touch it- ow!” She winced as Scootaloo finally managed to get a good look at the scrape and tapped it with her hoof.
“Oh it’s not too bad,” Scootaloo assured her. “I've gotten worse scrapes when I manage to wreck my scooter.
“You- you actually crash?” Diamond Tiara managed to pull her eyelid halfway open turning her one struggling watery eye toward Scootaloo.
“You surprised?” Scootaloo smirked. “That’s good.”
“No! I just-hmph” Diamond Tiara puffed her cheeks and resigned herself to silence, lowering her head. Scootaloo shuffled into place next to her and plopped down in the grass. Her wings spread as if she were stretching them, buzzed, and snapped back to her side as Diamond Tiara shot them a sidelong glance.
“Well I can’t do this as well as a certain somepony,” Scootaloo paused. “But uh…what’s eating you?”
“You ever feel like your cutie mark doesn't really show who you wanna be?” Scootaloo brushed the back of her head with a hoof.
“Uhh…”
“Right…”
“Hey don’t worry. Even riding a scooter takes practice. Writing should be the same right? Just keep at it.” Scootaloo winked, attempting to appear enthusiastic.
“It’s not the same…Dad doesn't keep any quills around cause he’s never home and mom doesn't want me to use the ink cause it gets my hooves dirty.”
“Maybe you should talk to them. I’m sure they’ll understand.”
“No they won’t. They don’t think I’m suited for it ever since I screwed up running the Foal Free Press.”
“Well…” Scootaloo shifted in place. “That was kinda your fault. You just have to learn to be nice to other ponies.”
“What?” Diamond Tiara turned her gaze from the ground and stared at her. Scootaloo’s only response was an affirmative nod with an encouraging smile. “You don’t get it either,” she snapped, standing up and stomping away from Scootaloo.
“Huh?”
“Why am I talking to you anyway? What does a blank flank know about cutie marks?”
“But finding who you are is what the Cutie Mark Crusaders are all about!”
“I don’t care about you and your friends,” Diamond Tiara kept trudging away. “And I don’t need advice from a Pegasus who can’t fly.” Scootaloo picked up her scooter and caught up to her, rolling up and following at her angry walking pace.
“You know, that’s not a good start to being nice to everypony. It’s kinda mean…”
“Tch…” Diamond Tiara grit her teeth. “Then I guess that’s me!” She yelled, her voice cracking in her throat. “I’m just a mean pony! It hurts! Now just…Just stop talking to me!” Diamond Tiara kicked herself up onto her hind legs and shoved Scootaloo off her mount, taking off into a gallop as the Pegasus flopped into the dirt. Scootaloo quickly fumbled back to her hooves and remounting her scooter, took off at full speed after her.
“Diamond Tiara wait!” Scootaloo pleaded as she sped up next to her. The pink mare wouldn't have it. She kept running, her watery eyes fixed in front of her. Coming to her home she threw open the fence gate and charged down her walkway as Scootaloo skid to a halt just before it.
“Hey!” Scootaloo called after her. “I’m sorry!” Diamond Tiara threw open her door and slammed it behind her. Scootaloo stood for a few moments, dumbstruck at Diamond Tiara’s outburst. Somehow she had assumed Diamond Tiara didn't have feelings and seeing this gave her a sense of guilt that sank to her stomach like a hunger cramp.
“…” She looked around, her ears perking back up. “Rainbow Dash wouldn't give up,” She muttered and her buzzing wings sent her speeding through Ponyville.
Inside, Diamond Tiara was met by a gasp from her mother as she bashed the door shut, her face on the verge of bawling.
“Honey what happened to your eye?” her mother asked in a tone only worried mothers could use.
“Nothing,” Diamond Tiara bit her lip, plodding her way toward the stairs with short, sharp strides.
“Diamond,” Her mother called following at a distance as Diamond Tiara stomped up the wooden steps. “Are you alright?” Diamond Tiara made her way to her room and slammed its door as well and turning to it, fumbled with the latch in her frustration. She forced the lock just before her mother made it to the entrance.
“Honey what are you doing?” Her mother’s muffled concerns seeped in through the wood. “Don’t lock the door. You can’t just leave you eye like that.”
“Yes I can,” She retorted and that was the end of it. She threw herself onto her fluffy cotton bed burying her face in a pillow that matched her pelt. Her mother’s pleading at the door answered only from that point by a half suffocated ‘no’ if at all. Turning her head to a nightstand by her bed, her eyes were greeted with a hoof size diamond her father had given her after a trip to Saddle Arabia. It was fake of course, but it was a genuinely pretty, flawless rock that let light through like glass. She smacked it away and shoved her head back into her pillow as she heard it thump to the floor. Its beauty was an insult to how she felt inside. Her physical cut didn't seem like the only one. She felt like she was full of them.
Before she knew it, the summer breeze coming in her open window cooled and the sunlight turned pale. She still didn't move, only flipping her pillow over because she was tired of having her face in her own tears. She shivered in the brisker air and after forcing herself under her covers, fell asleep.
She woke up the next morning to a heavy knocking at her door.
“Sweetie?” Thump Thump. “Are you okay?” She peeled her head off her pillow groggily, her mane an unkempt cotton candy mess from turning in her sleep. She could fully open both eyes now, but was still able to feel the slightly puffed line of fur where the branch had scratched her.
“Sweetie,” The voice persisted. Her dad was back. “Your mother said you've been shut in your room all night. What’s wrong?”
“Everything,” She swallowed, finding her mouth a bit dry as she spoke. He sighed heavily and then quieted his voice as he spoke to somepony else. Probably her mother.
“Look dear,” He muttered. What did he think she couldn't hear him? “Flim and Flam are in town and we have important things to talk about. I’ll talk to her when I get back. Just make sure she gets out of her room.”
“I’ll try Rich…” Came the response.
“Honey,” Her father raised his voice again. Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. “I have to be somewhere. I’ll be back soon, but cooperate with you mother while I’m gone. And please do eat something.” Diamond Tiara curled back up onto her pillow.
“It’s not a lack of food I’m suffering from Dad…” She muttered to herself in a cracked voice. She listened as his hooves clunked away back down the steps. It was a sound that was more disheartening with every percussive hit to her eardrum. They were shortly echoed however by a set of smaller hooves running up the steps in a hurry. They stopped outside her door.
“Is she okay…?” A voice whispered to her mother. Diamond Tiara sat up in her bed sniffling.
“Silver Spoon?” She said meekly. Her mother finished a sentence she couldn't make out and there was another knock at the door.
“Honey?” Her mother called. “Silver Spoon is here. She says somepony gave her a package to give to you.”
“Wh-What?” Diamond Tiara wiped her eyes.
“Diamond Tiara,” She heard Silver Spoon’s voice. “Your mom says you haven’t come out since last night. Are you still mad at me?” Diamond Tiara got up and plopped to the floor and without bothering to even brush her mane scampered to the door, fidgeting clumsily with the lock. She pulled the door open and Silver Spoon gasped much like her mother had.
“Oh my gosh,” She put a hoof to her mouth. “Wh-” She was cut short as Diamond Tiara embraced her with her front hooves.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you…”
“What’s gotten into you?”
“I-I don’t know…” Diamond Tiara let her friend go and lowered her head.
“Here,” Silver Spoon said. “I don’t know why but Scootaloo said I should give this to you.” She used a hind leg to slide a small cardboard between them.
“She was here last night looking for you,” Her mother chimed in.
“Sh-she was?”
“Are you sure you should open that?” Silver Spoon leaned in whispering to Diamond Tiara. “We can’t trust those blan-”
“Sh!” Diamond Tiara hushed her, and taking the box in her two front hooves popped open the top. There was a small sheet of paper with writing on it on top of a white cardboard panel that acted as a false bottom. She tossed the note aside and reaching in with her head, bit the panel and yanked it out, tossing it to the other side. Silver Spoon picked up the note in her mouth. Diamond Tiara squeaked, covering her mouth with a hoof and falling speechless. Her vision started to blur with water.
At the bottom of the box were two stacks of smooth blank parchment and next to them a clear and full glass inkwell. Yet what her eyes stuck to was the small orange feather sitting on top of the left stack of paper.
“What’s this?” Her mother peered into the box.
“I phink yer foffed t ree teh noht.” Diamond Tiara managed through a mouthful of paper. Diamond Tiara quickly snatched the page from her friend wiping her eyes in her fur so she could read it.
Dear…er…Hi Diamond Tiara.
It read.
Sorry I hurt your feelings. I know I told you you should be nicer to other ponies, so I figured I should be nice to you first. You said you like to write, but you didn't have the stuff, so I got you the stuff. Also, Quills and Sofas was out of quills… So…yeah, this feather is one of mine in case you were wondering. They've never gotten me off the ground, but maybe this one will work for you.
P.S. I hope your eye feels better.
Stay cool,
~Scootaloo
Diamond Tiara smiled at the paper, sniffling and suddenly found herself wiping her nose with the sheet. Silver Spoon raised an eyebrow.
“Ew…”
“Heh…” Diamond Tiara glanced around. “Oops.” Her gaze landed back on the box and as her mother eyed its contents worriedly, Diamond Tiara’s eyes lit up. She snatched the package and wobbled clumsily back into her room with it. She came to a small pink table with a mirror with makeup and hoof care products all over. She set the box next to it and with a clean sweep, sent all the cosmetics tumbling to the floor. Her mother came into the room looking wildly unaware.
“Honey what are you doing?” Diamond Tiara didn't answer taking out some of the paper from the box and setting it on the desk next grabbing the ink and the small quill. She sat in the chair taking the quill in her right hoof. It was surprising how well it handled. It wasn't nearly as clumsy as the larger ones she occasionally managed to swipe from her dad’s office. It was strangely ironic. She had only recently made fun of Scootaloo for her wings and now they were helping her write.
“Well at least you’re up,” Her mother continued. “Stay here. We simply must fix your mane. You look ridiculous dear.” Diamond Tiara eyed the blank page as her mother opened a drawer in the desk and took out a brush. Looking at herself in the mirror, Diamond Tiara couldn't help but laugh a little. Her twisted hair and scratched eye made it look like she had walked through a thicket.
“Heh… What a mess,” She smiled. She popped open the inkwell she had set to the side and dipped the quill in it. She set it to the paper as her mother began brushing her mane and penned the first words.
Flying: A Personal Essay
The little quill formed the letters.
About a Pegasus who taught me how to fly with a single feather not physically, but in spirit.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- PurplePolymath · 2.9k words · 60 0 · 1.8k views
- Arreis Of Avalon · 2.3k words · 58 0 · 2.4k views
- notawriter · 5.8k words · 14 1 · 803 views
- Eventide Indigo · 1.4k words · 26 0 · 915 views
- Ephraim Blue · 6.6k words · 43 2 · 1.6k views
- MomoMonster · 6.1k words · 33 8 · 1.1k views
- master18 · 3.6k words · 100 9 · 3.6k views
- Swift Swap · 4.3k words · 37 1 · 2.2k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.024 seconds
Total duration
674 users online
996,119 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Aww
.I 
love this.
That was a nice read, I enjoyed it!
It's really cute
Such sweet sentiment, I love it!
That was adorable.
I've read stories that reach out and attempt to touch the hearts and souls of its readers. I've also read stories that have no souls, instead reaching out and slapping its readers across the face for expecting anything meaningful. With this story, I believe I've actually found a strange middle ground, a story that bears its soul and slaps me across the face with it. Certainly an interesting result.
As the title, cover art, and everything else about this story would imply, this is the story of Scootaloo helping Diamond Tiara overcome some emotional grief. Diamond is upset over the results of Flight to the Finish and her life in general, and Scootaloo attempts to cheer her up as a simple act of kindness. Though it doesn't quite work at first, Scootaloo eventually gives Diamond a very thoughtful present and takes the first step in helping the two of them become more friendly.
This story is an excellent example of strong, emotional writing. Emotions are revealed through dialogue and body language with much more showing than telling. Though we are able to see into Diamond's thoughts, we don't see all of them, meaning there's room to speculate and figure out what she's feeling. The phrasing in Scootaloo's letter provides a powerful tie-in to the episode that this story is derived from, which makes the story feel more like a solid conclusion to that episode than a completely different story altogether. Scootaloo's characterization in general works well to set the emotional tone. At no point does Scootaloo show any sign of vindictiveness or bitterness toward Diamond, not even upon their first encounter. One may argue that might be a tad inappropriate considering their conversations during the episode, but I can see the sense behind it since Diamond is injured and all.
This story offers some excellent symbolism, which, unfortunately, I have to say is this story's greatest weakness. The source of this weakness lies in the fact that the majority of the symbolism in this story is needlessly opaque. The title, for example, was skillfully chosen, having two literal meanings that tie Scootaloo and Diamond together and establish two of the most prevalent elements in the story. However, by spelling out the second meaning of feathers at the beginning without any story context, you rob the title of its cleverness. Like a comedian who explains his own joke, you provide too much information, and it all falls flat. While it's not an overly consistent problem in this story, it does come up on more than one occasion:
The purpose of symbolism is to give a story a deeper meaning, which it cannot do if it appears at surface level. To use symbolism effectively, it needs to go over some people's heads. It needs to be invisible to a certain portion of the audience. Otherwise, it comes across as clever as Waldo attempting to hide in a room painted entirely green.
Overall, this story presents a reasonably realistic and emotional conclusion to Flight to the Finish, provided one is able to accept Diamond's spontaneous love of writing and inner turmoil. Though most of the symbolism is impossible to overlook, I do believe it would be very strong if it were presented in a more surreptitious manner. You also may want to look into your comma usage. I noticed a striking lack of commas where some were needed:
I'd call this story a caramel sandwich, with graham crackers used as the bread. It's a delightful, new take on a concept I've seen done dozens of times before. It's just a bit heavy on the caramel.
Make the most!
This turned out really well. I recommend anyone debating turning away from this story to give it a shot.
4024237
wow. Thanks for taking the time to say all that. Solid advice. I must admit that looking at some of my own previous short stories that didn't go so well that they also suffered, more so than this one did, from the fact that I spell out an idea or a hidden play on words that, left alone, would make for a powerful underlying theme in the fear that it might go over people's heads. I think I'm slowly finding that this makes all of it seem a little forced rather than insightful and that it's better to let those who don't understand not understand and take the story at surface value while letting those who do understand feel more rewarded for perhaps reading a little deeper. 
It probably means I need to find a friend who's a good editor because while I've gotten better, there are still simple sentences like the ones you've pointed out where I miss places where they should be. Taking my own advice though, I'll keep at it.
Also, yes...commas. That little tick mark is probably my worst enemy as a writer.
Again, thanks for the insight. This was good to see. I'm glad that you could still enjoy the story despite a little heavy handedness on my part.
4027242
For what it's worth, I had the exact opposite reaction of 4024237 to the title. I didn't know about that usage of "feather," and so when the title was explained and I realized it was being used explicitly to link the two characters in the story cover pic, my first thought (and I quote) was, "Wow, that's clever."
Would it have worked better if there was a natural place to slip it in as story exposition? Yeah. But up front, where it helped me set my expectations and drew me in, also wasn't bad at all.
Well that was... That was just simply wonderful. Scootaloo has that special something to her.
I can only say this was a good read. Actually want to read it again again. Loved that ending, it all just felt right. Everything Scoots did just felt like something she could and would do if she believed it would help. Ties in well with how she can be firm but fair as in Twilight Time when she actually stands up for Diamond Tiara over Apple Bloom's accusations.
Anyhow, loved the story. And Diamond totally got what she deserved for trying to do that to Scoots in the first place. Karma Di, Karma.
This was a well balanced and lovely story. Damn beautiful really.
4028068 Good to hear. Yet now that I consider it, I don't think your reading of the story would have suffered immensely without that knowledge. Sure, it seems initially clever, but for my future works I think I'll take the less obvious route. One of the beauties of writing is its ability to be interpreted in different ways and when you narrow the reader's perception of a work to one path I think it comes off as rather manipulative. Of course not everyone takes it this way and to some a clever play on words is just that. Its nice to see differing opinions on this point because being too direct vs being too vague is something I've had a hard time balancing. There's a fine line between giving your reader clues that can lead them to a realization and being so cryptic that they just get lost. I think I'm slowly feeling out that middle ground though, so thank you for the insight. I hope what I've gathered here comes across in my next project and I hope its received as well as this one. The amount of feedback I've gotten on this has honestly surprised me, so I'll keep scribbling away.
That was very well done
D'aww... That was a good one.
Excellent!
only one mistake I noticed
should have been "Silver Spoon managed through a mouthful of paper." easy mistake to make.
A side of the little rich girl I never knew existed.
Nice job.
Wonderful story!