• Published 1st Mar 2014
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Urohringr - Imploding Colon



Rainbow Dash and the Noble Jury fly east.

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Hypothesizing Through Dashes and Stripes

Josho shuffled closer to the grave of Hurricane. He squinted at the effigy, turned to blink at Rainbow, then stared at the statue again. “Looks like you two dipped your heads in the same toilet.”

“Derm…” Rainbow Dash fidgeted.

“I do not understand,” Pilate murmured aloud. “What’s just been revealed?”

“Dashie and Hurricaney totally have the same maney!” Props exclaimed, staring wide-eyed at the spectral arrangement of the granite equine’s hair. “They’re practically sisteroos!”

“The resemblance is certainly uncanny,” Elma Boreal said. “And that’s not just my personal bias as a talking snapping turtle. Heh.”

“Whit ur th' odds ay thes sort ay guff unpeelin' itself frae th' proverbial wall, lassie?” Prowse remarked.

“Hey, don’t look at me!” Rainbow Dash grunted. “I just fly here!”

“Listen, Paint Bucket.” Josho pointed at the statue with a frown. “You can’t just ignore this shiznet!”

“Considering everything we’re learning about this place, I think it begs the question, Rainbow Dash,” Pilate said. “How much do you know about this… Commander Hurricane?”

“Dude, what is there not to know?!” Rainbow Dash tossed her forelimbs as she hovered before the tomb. “She was the leader of Pegasopolis! She helped found Equestria back when windigos ravaged the landscape! She fought griffons and wyverns and cyclopses and all manners of bad dudes across the pre-classical skies of my homeland!”

“Yes, but what her specifically?” Pilate’s metal brow furrowed. “Did she have any physical descriptions? Any relations? Heirs? Descendants?”

“I… uh… I’m afraid I can’t h-help you there,” Rainbow said with ears drooping.

“Pffft. Terrific.” Josho rolled his eyes. “The one pegasus from Equestria and she sucks at her history lessons.”

“Choke on your own fat, lardo!” Rainbow frowned at him. “Hurricane’s a friggin’ household name where I was born! Every pony with an ounce of feathers knows all about her legacy and career! Her private life, however, was hers and hers alone! She disappeared in obscurity, and the whereabouts of her final resting place has been a huge mystery in Equestrian society!” She sighed, staring dully at the tomb. “Until today…”

“So there’s no description at all about her physical traits?” Pilate asked.

“Or that she looks just as adoracute and colorful as Dash-Dash?” Props asked.

“Hey, don’t push it,” Rainbow Dash grunted, pointing at her. Rainbow turned towards the tomb once more, shrugging. “There’ve been statues of her, but all of the ones that survive to this day were built well after the Pre-Classical era. There’s no written records of--like--what her mane looked like.”

“Alright, Rainbow, then perhaps I have a more appropriate question for this situation.” Pilate fumbled a bit before he blindly paced towards her side. “How many… uhm… pegasi are born like you?”

“Pfft. Never.” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Come on, Stripesy. You can do better than that.”

“Please, Rainbow, be a bit more receptive here.” Pilate leaned closer. “Your mane color. Is it a common trait in Cloudsdale? Or in all of Equestria for that matter?”

“Jee, I dunno.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I never given it much thought…”

“Given what much thought?” Josho asked.

“Well, I mean… no. There aren’t any other ponies in Equestria with my mane color. None that I’ve seen, at least. With one exception, of course.” Rainbow Dash fidgeted. “My dad. But… uhm… I b-barely have any memories of him. He didn’t exactly hang around much.”

“Drap them an' lae them, huh?” Prowse remarked.

Rainbow’s eyes sliced his way like ruby daggers. “He died, ya beardborg.”

“Oh…” Prowse rubbed a flesh leg with a metal hoof, avoiding her gaze.

Sighing, Rainbow looked towards the others. “And don’t get me started on my mom, cuz I’ve honestly got nothing to go by. I kind of… grew up on my own. I really didn’t like attention at first--at least not the kind everypony gave me. Tons of ponies were gushing all over me, full of pity n’crap. I think that’s why I decided that the only way to live was awesomely, cuz then I could earn everypony’s praise, y’know?” She smiled awkwardly. “Boy, did I tick a lot of pegasi off in those days. But it was worth it. I stopped being a charity case and became a legend pretty darn quick, y’know?”

“What a pleasant life story,” Josho droned. “Can somepony tell me where we’re going with this?”

“Do you remember any striking details ponies gave you about your mane color, Rainbow?” Pilate asked.

“Ugh. Please. I grew up with older mares wanting to turn me into a diva left and right!” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “They said that I had ‘the most beautiful and rare mane in all of Equestria’ and that ‘it was a shame for me to not go into modeling’ or some junk. Brbrbrrbrbrbbrrr.” She shivered from head to tail. “Even Rarity gave me a bunch of that same crap. I just did my best to ignore it.”

“Any doctors or physicians state that there was legitimacy behind the rare trait?”

“So maybe at a physical or two I was told that I was a one-in-a-gazillion case! What’s the big deal?!” Rainbow Dash flung her hooves towards the tomb. “What’s this got to do with anything?”

“Rainbow Dash, let it not be denied that you exist for a purpose,” Pilate said. “It would go against everything you, myself, and Bellesmith have discovered to ignore the ramifications of Austraeoh and being Austraeoh. Now, I am a scientist at heart, and yet I’ve given into believing the elements of prophecy we have extracted throughout our journey due to sheer exposure. But, pragmatically speaking, if there was an actual empirical explanation for what you are and what you’re destined to do, then it’s safe to hypothesize that you’re not the first one equipped with the faculties to do it.”

“The hay are you getting at, buddy?” Rainbow’s voice cracked. She pointed at the tomb. “That Hurricane was… was…another me?”

“Or vice versa; you are another her.”

“Pffft. Come onnnnn…” Rainbow smirked. “True, so maybe I’ve always fancied Hurricane the most whenever I was forced to watch a Hearth’s Warming pageant, but that never meant we were anything alike!”

“Aren’t you?” Pilate faced the pegasus’ general direction. “You both ended up flying east, did you not?”

“Yeah, but--” Rainbow Dash froze, blinking. She turned towards the tomb, fidgeting in midair. “...balls.”

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