There's Some Food For Thought
Thud! Thud! Thud!
"Zaidy Waidy!" Props hollered before the door to a rickety treehouse high above an array of swaying branches. The torch dangling from the exterior flickered with each heavy slam of her rear hooves against the front entrance. "I know you're in there! You have some explaining to do, ya fuzzhead!"
From the neighboring platform, several pegasi gathered in droves, clutching each other and murmuring in fright.
"I mean it! I've got pliers and I'm not afraid to use 'em!" Props spat. With a growl, she kicked and kicked at the door. "Grrrrnnngh! What's this made out of? Space Wood?" The frazzled mare spun about, forcing the Durandanans around her to flinch. Her eyes fell on the closest household on a platform. "Excuse me, ma'am?" she spoke in a charming, melodic tone. Her smile matched. "May I borrow that?" She pointed at a large wooden rake leaning against the structure's outer wall.
The pegasus gulped and tossed the heavy beam towards her. "B-be my guest, outsider!"
Thap! Props easily caught it. "Thankiessss!" She smiled. She curtsied. She spun and slammed the hulking weight of the thing against the door. "Raaaaaaaaaugh!"
Smassssssssh! The entrance was reduced to splinters.
The Noble Jury's engineer stuck her grinning, twitching face in through the door. "Heeeeeeeeere's Propsy!" Reaching her hoof in, she unlatched the frame from the inside and opened it with a creaking sound. It promptly collapsed to dust about two seconds after the gesture. Trotting inside, Props' goggles glinted like an arachnid's pair of eyes above her skull. "Now, Zaid... what do you have to say for yourself...?"
A voice trembled from the shadows. "Please... you h-have to understand..."
"Understand what?!" Props sneered, seething. "That's you're a two-timing hussy who can't stand on four legs and four legs alone?!"
"I... I-I didn't want anypony else around for this! It... it wouldn't be right!"
"Around for what?!" Props squinted. She lifted the outside lantern with her pole and held it forward. "Just where are you...?"
A swath of amber light swam over the interior. At last, the stallion was exposed, lying on a pile of velvety cushions. He had a plate full of toasted bread crumbs right beside him, and his chin was stained with the unmistakable yellow signs of cheese, cheese, and more cheese.
Props blinked... then blinked again. "Buh...?"
"Okay, confession time." Zaid squirmed in the spotlight. "I l-love this stuff more than life itself. Enough to forget about... about..." His eyelids twitched.
The sound of a miniature foghorn echoed across the chamber.
Zaid blushed. "...lactose intolerance." He bit his lip.
Props blinked. She blinked again. "Snkkkt..." Her whole body flinched, struck back by an invisible stone. Her golden mane curtained around her skull like a deflated balloon, and soon she was laughing, giggling, guffawing.
"Eh heh heh..." Zaid gulped. "K-Keep that open flame away, blondie."
"Heeheeheehee!"
"Sorry about... erm..." Zaid winced as his body jolted again. "Guh... the sm-smell..."
"You kidding?!" Props tossed the pole behind her and hopped in place. "I love it!" She pounced. "Smells like victory!"
"Gaaaah!" He gasped as she plowed into him and the two rolled over the rattling plate and breadcrumbs. "Oh jeez! Oh jeez! It's like wrestling living f-fuzz!"
"I knew it! I knew it all along!"
"H-hey! Uh... me too! So... you're not going to murder me, still, are you?"
"Depends on if you can live through it."
"Live through what—Mmmfmmmff!" His eyes bulged in the darkness as the two rolled even harder into the shadows.
The room turned into an echo chamber of giggles, chuckles, and low moans—all accompanied by a nebulous horn section.
Outside, a few pegasi nervously peaked in. One or two blinked, their wingfeathers slowly stretching out. At last, a First-Born cleared her throat, yanked the welcome mat off the wooden balcony, and draped it securely over the door, sealing off the interior of the treehouse.
The next morning, amber dawnlight wafted through the portholes of the Noble Jury's mess hall.
Shuffling by himself, a bleary Eagle Eye made his way to a chair and slid in. He slapped down a plate of apple slices and began nibbling tiredly. His nostrils flared as he gazed ahead of him in thought.
Slowly, another set of hoofsteps entered the room. A large figure came to a stop, glanced at Eagle and his plate, then back towards the kitchen.
"Hrrrmmm..." Josho took a deep breath. "From the looks of your table setting, I'm guessing that our cook isn't up and about to make breakfast yet."
"Mmmmf... no..." Eagle Eye gulped some apple mush down and shook his head. "And he won't for a while."
"Is that so?" Josho leaned against the table with a smirk across his top chin. "I take it things went swimmingly."
Eagle gulped again. "It's not like that."
"Ah. Righto." Josho nodded. He stood there in awkward silence.
Eagle continued eating.
"Erm... uhhh..." Josho scratched the side of his head. "I'm guessing that... since you haven't tried to kill me yet... you're not mad for laying the spurs on the little burgundy bit purse?"
"If you're wanting me to say thank you... 'Thank you.'" Eagle muttered.
"Well, you don't sound very happy."
"It's not unhappiness, old stallion. It's..." Eagle dropped his latest apple slice and sighed, closing his eyes. After a meditative pause, he murmured, "Ebon slept like a doll all night."
"Is that a fact?"
"I held him close the whole time."
"Is that all you did?"
"Josho?!"
"Hey..." Josho waved a forelimb, smirking. "Sorry! Sometimes I get surrogate 'dad' mixed up with surrogate 'bro.'"
"Surrogate flankhole is more like it."
"Heh... fine." Josho waddled off. "Try girl-chatting with the space reindeer and see if you have any better luck."
"Josho... no, please, wait." Eagle clenched his teeth, giving the stallion a light tug with his telekinesis. "Really. I'm sorry. I'm just... worried."
"About what?" Josho shrugged. "You and the sailboat are back together, aren't you?"
"Yes. And that's wonderful. It's just that... that..." Eagle hesitated.
Josho gazed quietly at him. Finally, he trotted over, pulled a chair out, and sat across from the ex-mercenary.
Eagle Eye looked up.
Josho waited patiently.
At last, Eagle Eye murmured, "Let's say you love somepony... like... genuinely... truly love somepony. And... and you w-want what is best for them, that which will make them happy." Eagle gulped, then fidgeted with his forelimbs. "And to make this pony happy, you go all out. You expose them to your feelings. You show them everything you're afraid of... and everything you hope for." He winced. "But... like... what if that's not enough?"
"Is there something you're holding back from the guy, guy?"
"Josho..."
"It's an h-honest question!"
Eagle gulped. "I want Ebon to be happy. But... but I know something... something that's the truth... but I know--or at least I'm pretty sure that such a truth wpuld only make him miserable." He ran a hoof through his frazzled mane. "In fact, I'm pretty sure it will crush him. I'll be by his side, of course, but... but maybe th-that won't be enough."
Silence.
Josho scratched his chins again. "Hrmmmmm... Kiddo, I'm no expert on romances. I couldn't stick with anypony long enough to make anything out of it back in Ledomare--much less a friggin' baby. Heh." He smirked bitterly. "And I'm certainly no expert on the locking of colt-bolts."
"Uh huh..."
"I mean... hah... seems rather redundant to play a ballgame with two sticks where I come from--"
"Will you get to the point?!" Eagle barked.
"Ahem... the point is, Eagle Eye..." Josho took a quiet breath, then stared squarely at him. "If what you do is give your all to make one pony happy, and yet you don't tell him the truth, then you're not really giving your all, now are ya?" He leaned forward, eyes narrow. "And what would that be, then? Real love? Or just a cardboard cut-out of the real thing?"
Eagle stared at the sunlit windows past Josho.
"The way I see it, nothing's worth goo-gooing on about if only one of you is happy, 'cuz the other one's struggling so hard to keep some stageplay goin' on constantly. You may be together... but is that something that'll be real?"
Eagle shuddered. In a weak voice, he eventually said, "I want Ebon to feel like what he has is real."
Josho blinked once. "Can't it be real enough on its own?"
Eagle chewed on his lip.
Josho glanced down. He sighed, then smiled faintly as he stood up. "Again... not the expert, talking." He shuffled two steps, paused, then looked back at the petite unicorn. "But, for what it's worth... I'm glad you two are back together. I mean... kind of a lonely basket with just one fruit in it. You know what I'm saying?"
"Buck me sideways, old stallion."
"Heh. Somepony else has that job now, the way I see it." Josho waddled towards the kitchen. "And then there's friggin' Blondie and Sir Cults-a-Lot. Ledo's buttfunk! Did somepony spike this crater or what?! Meh... I'm making an omelet."
With Josho gone, Eagle leaned forward, resting his chin on crossed forelimbs. He stared into the dawnlight, breathing in slow, contemplative motions.
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The cheese has been grilled!
Josho has it right, plus Ebon is going to figure it out himself eventually and I think if that happens he would be rather angry with Eagle for not telling him. At least I would be if I was in this position anyway.
Also Props and Zaids part was just strange and hilarious just like them.
Finally, grilled cheese. And it only took, what, a story and a half, with a sprinkle of lactose intolerance? He probably would worship the guy who invents lactose free milk.
And ... Changeling reveal within a few chapters?
This made me laugh more than it should have.
Oh my god, that's her fetish.
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/the-shit-i-put-up-with.jpg
Hopefully EE will do the right thing.
Yaaaassss, it happened! Called it! An excellent payoff, especially for one we saw coming.
OH. MY. GOD. ZAID. Two happy endings (or more!) in one night? You lucky boy!
(Anyone who had money on Props in Roarke's betting pool, please go collect your winnings.)
4848012
So much cheese. Wow props knows what she wants and when she wants it.
4848056
I honestly wasn't expecting Zaid to get a grilled cheese sandwich until the last chapter of the last book or something. But I guess it finally happened a lot sooner.
Welp, I'm not gonna question where he got the grilled cheese, but he finally got it. Yay!
4848012
Dutch oven? Dutch oven.
...dear god...
I think my brain shut down after Props and Zaid proceeded to have coitus in another ponies house.
Before I continue, I just have to say...
Me too, Zaidy. I know the pain of... Lactose intolerance... And a craving for chocolate, cheese, milk in general...
All in all, a good way to get out of school, if you have the money to back your DANGEROUS habit. All the asthma inhalers! The price of a goods block of tasty is rising! WHY?! Who would be so cruel?
EDIT
"I mean... hah... seems rather redundant to play a ballgame with two sticks where I come from--"
Oh my got, really?
I had a feeling it was grilled cheese. But the lactose intolerance was a stroke of genius. Zaid's life is truly a tragic one, but at least he has Props. You know you've found someone special when you can season your coitus with flatulence.
also, that shining reference was perfect, just beautiful
Zaid is lactose intolerant. That is the funniest thing I will hear all week.
I guess you could say that the ZaidProps ship... has wind in its sails.
Well, it happened, and it was pretty much perfect. Praid/Zops is canon.
Gross.
Zaid gets grilled cheese and finally hooks up with Props, Josho's being a great dad, and Ebon and Eagle are together again. Is there any way for things to get more awesome? *cough*Rainboarke*cough*
So Zaid finally got his grilled cheese.
Does that mean him and Props are going to cast out on their own after Val Roa is safer or will Zaid have managed to acquire enough supplies to keep him in grilled cheese for a longer adventure yet? Will the rest of the crew appreciate a lactose intolerant cultist on board? Will Eagle Eye ever have his feelings for Ebon questioned by others after that big reveal? Will he end up like Ebon Sr. and will Ebon Jr. cross a threshold in the Changeling caste because of it? Will Josho eat his words and do his all to protect Eagle Eye when or if his health begins to decline?
Will Kera's powers and talent lifting rocks become useful with the ruins of the Stratopolis chunk? Will Roake be testing her weapons in a live fire exercise when Rainbow's pendant intentionally or unintentionally comes off? Will Rainbow Discord then begin to massacre the crater's inhabitants? Was this foretold in a prophecy of the inhabitants? Will the others be able to subdue Rainbow in that state? Will Belle realize she has taken up the mantlet that is understood only by her and Rainbow Dash? Will Rainbow Dash remember what she did and, if not, will anypony tell her what she did? Will Celestia ever tell Rainbow she technically isn't a Bearer of Harmony anymore, but a creature of Chaos kept in a homeostasis condition by the temporary Element of Harmony? Does this mean that once on the dark side of the world Rainbow Dash will cease to exist? Will this line of questioning ever bring forth a new line of thought that Austraeoh is actually an engineered solution to a problem thought of long ago before the Sundering? Are the powers of Harmony subdued/watered-down because meat-eaters? Will Floydien ever stop reminding me of Pilot from Farscape? Have I asked enough questions and will they all be answered? Stay tuned.
That was hilarious.
Also, a rare error: pretty sure that such a truth wpuld only make him miserable."
4848659 There's at least two errors per chapter. Skirtsy-wirtsy just don't give a fuck.
I have not commented in three chapters.
I leave a single one here, then return to my silence until sun pony speaks.
This was BRILLIANT.
Hot cheesy sex and a high school cliche. What a story, mark!
I'm forever suspicious of cheese.
Cheese sex!
I don't mow whether to
or 
at this chapter so I'm just gonna 
instead.
i.imgur.com/MY9Gnvg.png
Za-Laid.
All of these bad jokes about Zaid's dietary issues are just cheesy. Come on guys, you're milking it at this point, and don't be egging each other on.
Y'all putting bets down on them doing the frick-frack, I'm going to stay innocent and pure over here. I mean, there's still a lot of kissing missing from the Jury ships before I think we're going to start seeing cheese parties.
It's not a horn section but should suffice.
Also, this is just so fun to play on a sax.
Zaid is lactoss intolerant.
Didn't see that coming.
Zaids gone all Donut Joe on Props cream puff, all the while playing Baker Street?
Citrus juice reduces the effects of lactose, to a small effect, but its the like a couple oranges to a small piece of cheese. The problem being, if you try eating Lots of Oranges.. well, lets just say jet propulsion wouldnt be gas only.
I CALLED IT.
Did not see the farts coming though. That got a lul outta me.
4850172 I regret nothing. Okay, maybe a little bit.
Van Halen - Dance The Night Away
4851830
...............................................why does that even exist? And how the hell do you put you tube videos in comments? I keep making myself look like a technological idiot. (Which I am but that's besides the point)
*Claps slowly*
4851998
1) It exists because I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old, and farts are funny. And there are a surprising amount of people on youtube who film themselves farting.
2) The site can't parse the shortened links (youtu.be), its gotta be the long form (youtube.com).
Also, deep magic.
You don't read for a week or so and all sorts of stuff starts happening. Nice stuff and cute stuff and kinda cute if not for all the weird bits stuff. These chapters have had stuff. 10/10.
4854439 bwehehehe
4854446
That remains to be seen.
Giggity.
Well... that was interesting.
I had wondered that myself.
It also seems that Ebon may have... induced his rescuer to love him. Eagle may not actually be in love, despite his feelings.
Props is even weirder than I thought. That is all.
What the actual fuck. I mean the actual fuck. As in that actual fuck right there. AND THEN THEY ALL FUCKED. Fucked up is what it is. I mean fucking hell, what the fuck. And Eagle, fuck man, you can't be right in a situation like that, you're fucked either way. Holy fuck this chapter is not okay.
FUCK.
4854519
>such a truth wpuld only make him miserable
You need to invest in a spelling checker. They're only 0 currency units!
Finally! The cheese had been grilled! Now the story can end. Screw this whole epic journey thing. Zaid got his grilled cheese, and that's all that matters.