• Published 1st Mar 2014
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Urohringr - Imploding Colon



Rainbow Dash and the Noble Jury fly east.

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Dizzy Spells and Roarke Shells

"Alright... how about now?"

"A screwdriver," Pilate said.

Belle nodded, then glanced down at Kera.

Kera floated the screwdriver behind her back, licked at her lips, and levitated an empty mug in its place.

Belle turned to her mate. "And now?"

Pilate's metal brow furrowed. Meanwhile, the O.A.S.I.S. sphere—dangling from his choker—fired a manabeam into the ocular array over his eyes. A swath of amber and red energy flickered across Kera and the object floating in front of her.

After two and a half seconds, Pilate's ears twitched and the zebra said, "A cup."

"Very nice." Belle smiled down at the filly. "Kera, darling, pick something of your choice. Be random."

"Really?"

"Hmmm. Yes, really."

Kera clenched one eye shut, her horn glowing brightly. Soon, something slipped out from deep within the roots of her mane. She waved it in the air between her and Pilate. "Ta daaaa! What am I holding up now?"

"Eungh..." Belle face-hoofed. "Kera..."

Pilate smirked, trying not to chuckle. "I do believe that is a grasshopper leg."

"Did you really use the O.A. to determine that?"

"Yes and no, but that's the beauty of how I 'visualize' things," Pilate said.

"Well, all and all, this is looking very good!" Belle said with a grin. "So far, you've been observing things with about eighty percent accuracy!"

"I still didn't know how I couldn't recognize the third item," he said.

"That's because Kera was holding the horseshoe the wrong way."

"Hey!" Kera pouted.

Belle giggled. "I'm only teasing, dear." She reached down and straightened the filly's mane. "You've been very helpful."

"Eh." She shrugged. "It beats hiding in Ebon's cupboard and pretending to be a spatula."

"Marvelous work, beloved," Pilate said as he reached up to remove the Ocular Array. "It's not even giving me a headache anymore."

"One moment, bree—erm... zebra," Roarke said, suddenly walking across the lounge side of the mess hall. She stood between Kera and Belle, looking over at the older mare. "Erm... if you don't mind."

Belle blinked... then blinked again. "N-not at all!" she remarked with a nervous smile.

Roarke turned towards the stallion. "Is it still switched on?"

"Indeed it is, Roarke."

"Good. Now look at me." She flicked her fetlock forward.

Belle flinched, but maintained her composure.

A tube sprung out from the metal framework encasing Roarke's limb. With a low hum, it flashed a bright red light straight at the Ocular Array.

"Now, Pilate, what am I holding in my hoof?"

"I... I..." The zebra fidgeted, his muzzle tightening. "I-I can't make it out. Everything's gone red. Like wool's been pulled over my eyes."

"Then you don't see what's in my hoof?"

"She's lying!" Kera raspberried. "She doesn't have anything in her hoof."

"Kera..."

"Indeed, it was a trick question," Roarke said, retracting the pointer and lowering her leg. "What do you see now, Pilate?"

The zebra exhaled with relief and smiled. "Two fine warriors."

Kera giggled as Roarke turned towards Belle. "You're making good progress in upgrading the array," the metal mare said. "However, you should take into account its vulnerability to light and mana feedback. This can make the difference between your mate accurately seeing the environment around him and being crushed to a bleeding pulp."

Pilate cleared his throat.

Roarke fidgeted. "But... truly... truly..." She nodded her head towards Belle. "A good job."

"Uhm... uh..." Belle glanced at Pilate, then back at the Searonese pony. "Th-thank you, Roarke! That's... uhm..."

"A very kind piece of advice," Pilate said, smiling.

"Yes! Very kind." Belle exhaled calmly. "Really, Roarke. I can't thank you enough for providing us with the Ocular Array in the first place."

"It was necessary for overthrowing the Lounge and assuring the continual safety of continental airspace from the flying undead." Roarke's lenses retracted slightly. "And... my pl-pleasure, of c-course."

"Of course."

"Have you..." Roarke lingered. "...most of you seen where Rainbow Dash was last?"

"Up on top!" Kera said, pointing at the ceiling. "Doing her scout-scout thing, I bet."

"At this time of night? I imagine it's even colder, as high up as we are."

"You know very well that we can't stop her, Roarke."

"Hmmm. Indeed." Roarke trotted towards the kitchen and the stairwell beyond. "Carry on, my little ponies."

Belle turned to watch her leave. "Beloved?"

"Yes, Belle?"

"Is it odd that I'm more scared of her when she tries to be friendly?"

"Heheheh... I find it charming."

"You've always seen the best in ponies... even when you couldn't see."

"Hey Belle!" Kera hopped. "When you're done with Pilate, could you guys build me a cool Searonese implant so I can roast grasshoppers alive?"

"Not on your life!"

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Poop smears."


Roarke stepped out of the stairwell and onto the top deck of the Jury, a slightly difficult job considering the vessel's twenty-five degree incline while ascending.

Her lenses pistoned in and out as she scanned the snow-sprinkled surface between the skystone and the hull.

"Rainbow...?"

Silence.

"Rainbow Dash...?"

More silence.

"Hrmmm..." Roarke scowled. "It's not exactly fortuitous for a late-night reconaissance flight. Perhaps she has a sound stone on her—" She froze.

A limp body lay over the starboard railing. Wings twitched and a prismatic tail flicked.

"Rainbow!" Roarke rocketed forward on metal-laced hooves. She scooped Rainbow off the ship's edge. As soon as she made contact, she became aware of how heavily the pegasus was convulsing. "Rainbow, what's happened?"

"Gnnngh..." The mare winced, her fluttering eyelashes sprinkled with snowflakes. Despite her shivers and spastic jerks, she managed the faintest smile. "You... d-don't... you sure d-don't c-call my n-name out much... h-heh heh... you know th-that...?"

"Damn it!" Roarke hissed, dragging the mare with her towards the stairwell. Once sheltered from the snowfall, she sat Rainbow up against the wall and rubbed her limbs. "You've spent far too much time out there in the cold! As the leader of this crew, you should know better than to put yourself at such unnecessary risk—!"

"It's... it's n-not the cold..." Rainbow hissed, clenching her teeth. "It's... it's just... the usual..."

Roarke stood still. Her brow furrowed above her lenses. "I... I had no idea that they could get this bad..."

"Lately, they h-haven't..." Rainbow gulped. "But ever since we cleared Stratopolis, they've been h-happening more regularly." She panted and curled her limbs up to her chest. "Guh... mmnngh... I-I can usually feel a dizzy spell coming. Try t-to get to the hammock in time..."

"Very well." Roarke proceeded to lift Rainbow up. "I shall carry you there—"

"No, not now!" Rainbow seethed, clinging to the wall. "Spinning. Sp-spinning to friggin' much. Just... just g-gotta be still." She gulped. "Let it p-pass..."

"And what if it doesn't... 'pass'?"

"Then every Jurist will have a bigger helping of Ebon's carrots."

"That is hardly amusing."

"Heheh..." Rainbow managed a tearful smile. "Stuntmare first... comedian... nnngh... ninety-ninth..."

Roarke fidgeted, glancing at the walls. "Rainbow, I... I do not know what to do to assist you..."

"You and me b-both, sister," Rainbow wheezed. "Just... g-gotta stay still... from... the sp-spinning..."

Roarke was silent. Ultimately, she slumped down against the wall besides Rainbow Dash. She lifted her hoof up—hesitated... and eventually rested it on Rainbow's far shoulder, pulling her in close, anchoring her.

"How is that?" Roarke asked. "Does it help?"

Rainbow shivered and shook. "Does wh-what help?"

Roarke glanced at her hoof holding Rainbow close, then back at Rainbow herself. "Never mind. Just... attempt relaxation."

"Are we inside?"

"Not exactly. It's the stairwell, sternside. I offered to carry you to the observation room, but—"

"Y'know, the crew's b-been warming up to you as of late."

Roarke's mouth lingered open. She cocked her head aside. "How do you mean?"

"Exactly what it s-sounds like," Rainbow smiled in spite of her shivers. "Seems like you're threatening them with d-death less and helping around the k-kitchen more."

"As an integral member of this crew, I find it necessary to be helpful in any way possible."

"That's n-never stopped you from b-being a total stick in the mud before."

"Hrmmmm..." Roarke frowned, staring off.

"Heh..." Rainbow hissed through her teeth, curling her dizzy head inadvertently against the mare's shoulder. "Is it so tough to admit th-that maybe you're st-starting to like this motley crew of sky farters?"

"We have a task to do in Val Roa. It is a very important loose thread that needs to be pursued. It would be counter-productive if I was to act abrasive during this leg of our journey."

"Funny you should call it that."

"Call it what?"

"A 'leg,'" Rainbow said. She was starting to shiver less. "Because I would almost put it as a 'last leg.'"

Roarke jolted.

Rainbow felt it through her trembles. "Does that bother you?"

"Does it bother you?"

"I've been flying into death for... for... well... maybe going on for a whole friggin' year now."

"Perhaps Pilate would be the appropriate timekeeper to make that esti—"

"Doesn't m-matter. Look, the point is..." Gathering her nerves, Rainbow Dash sat up against the wall beside Roarke, sighing. "Things are pretty bad right now."

"It was my understanding that we had reached an unprecedented moment of tranquility in our journey."

"For me specifically, I mean," Rainbow Dash said. "I've felt this bad before... but they were always... like... r-right before I found a way into the machine level."

"You speak of the ruby flame?"

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"You believe that has a direct relation to your predicament?"

Rainbow giggled. "You even hearing yourself right now?" She smirked, shivering less and less. "That friggin' lavender tome nearly crippled me! Why, if it wasn't for that Odrsjot hooflet thingy that Zaid and the Herald used—"

"I know that," Roarke said, growling slightly. "What I mean to inquire is whether or not you think that contact with an underworld flame has anything to do with you recovering from your ailment?"

"I'm half chaos monster, Roarke," Rainbow Dash said. "It's not really an ailment. It's... like... my future. And if you know anything about how my culture feels about chaos..." Her words trailed off.

Roarke took a deep breath. "You don't strike me as an avid supporter of suicide."

"Who said anything about something lame as that?"

"Is it no less analogous?" Roarke's lenses rotated as she turned to look at her. "Everything about your trip has been self-destructive... or at least destructive."

"Heh... I wasn't born yesterday, y'know," Rainbow smirked bitterly. "I've flown circles over ideas like this more than I've scaled the world's surface. Silvadel... Aridstone... Ledomare... Lerris..." She gulped. "Seems like a lot of bad stuff follows me wherever I go. Almost makes my trip seem like a bad thing in and of itself."

Roarke let loose a woeful sigh. Her ears flicked above her braided mane. "However..."

"However... would you call Elma destroyed? Would you call the freed changelings destroyed?" Rainbow Dash's teeth chattered one last time as her body began to relax. "Or Luxmare? Or the survivors on board the Tarkington? Or Belle and Pilate?" She blinked, then tilted her head over. "Or you?"

Roarke clenched her teeth.

Rainbow smiled. "The way I see it, if I just gave up and rolled over like a cockroach back in Equestria, a lot of good stuff east of my kingdom wouldn't have happened. Duke Zaap Nator would still be murdering foals. Axan would have massacred the remaining Silvadelians before abandoning the other Divines forever. Hell, your friggin' mentor, Lady Pissedoffagus, would still be running the show in Searo's Hold and—"

"I get the picture," Roarke droned. She glanced over. "But does all of that necessitate the awful things that have happened."

Rainbow was silent for a while. Her wings coiled tightly as she said, "There was something Twilight taught me once... that eons ago—before the Alicorns could straighten up Equestria well enough that a harmonic nation would be formed—the land was full of angry, bickering, violent ponies. And, even after the Elements of Harmony were established, a lot of nasty crud went down—even within the boundaries of my homeland." Rainbow took a deep breath. "For millennia, Luna and Celestia have only been able to maintain harmony in one tiny spot in the center of this... bigass floating plane. Never before has there been a feasible opportunity to send a representative of harmony outward in any direction."

"Do you qualify as this?"

"Heh... if I do... it's kind of bitterly ironic," Rainbow said. "Though, I'd like to think, if there was any Element Bearer capable of stomaching the reality of what it takes to make Harmony 'work' this far from home?" She shrugged. "It was me."

"Then, perhaps, it was a good thing that you survived the chaos-bearer."

"Yeah, I guess. Cuz—hell—if Fluttershy was the one of us who made it, I couldn't friggin' see her making it past Windthrow." Rainbow chuckled maniacally. "Or even Luna-forsaken Dream Valley. Goddess!" She giggled and giggled again.

"I..." Roarke fidgeted. "...will pretend to understand the humorous implications of that."

"Eh... it's sad, really. But I don't know what to do with sad these days other than laugh at it." She gulped. "My whole journey—before and after meeting Belle and Pilate—has always been about letting these underworld beacons guide me. It seems like—with each flame I come across—both good and bad things happen, but it's all for the best... y'know?" She exhaled. "Like... Harmony had a plan... long before even the alicorns knew what to do with this world."

"And if you fail to grasp or perform this supposed 'plan?'" Raorke asked. "What then? From what I understood from your talk of Axan, this world isn't exactly prospering. In fact, it is dying."

"Yeah. Bummer, huh?"

"And if Austraeoh should perish before the journey's end?"

Rainbow shrugged. "Eh... somepony else will probably pick up the torch. I mean, that's what happened after Hurricane, right?"

"That's still a subject of debate."

"Not from where I'm looking at it."

"If you insist."

"I do."

Silence.

"I take it... erhm..." Roarke gazed at Rainbow. "You are feeling better now?"

"Yeah, sure..." Rainbow nodded. "Good enough to feel your hoof around my shoulder this whole time."

Roarke jerked so that she sat perfectly on her haunches. "I am... unaware of that which you are referring to."

"Uh huh. If you say so."

Roarke fumed, staring down the steps of the stairwell.

Rainbow chuckled... then giggled... then fell over in convulsing laughter.

Roarked groaned, covering her face with a hoof while the pegasus beside her writhed on the floor.

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