• Member Since 9th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Marcibel


"If you want to get better at anything, you have to be able to enjoy being bad at it."

Comments ( 95 )

I can't wait to see where the relationship of Scoot and sweetie gose, how Rainbow gets involved, how Apple Bloom redeems herself, and what Sunset/Twilight do.

I'm not good with suspense. I NEED CLOSURE! PLEASE, WRITER PERSON! REVEAL MORE TO THE STORY! *Grabs popcorn, eagerly anticipating the next chapter* :yay::yay:
Also, my reactions: (Not in order)
:applejackunsure::derpyderp1::fluttercry::flutterrage::pinkiegasp::rainbowhuh::raritydespair::fluttershbad::pinkiegasp:

my body is ready for feels powered by a feelocalypses!:pinkiecrazy:

The reveal conversation was way too rushed. It was unnatural.

Liking it so far. Keep up the good work! :) (Also, DEM FEELZ.)

Today was certainly an eventful and emotional day; every second of it she could recall with perfect clarity. Now, she wanted nothing more than to forget it all, but that wasn't going to be possible. Every time Scootaloo closed her eyes, she could almost feel the pistol in her mouth; and the taste of its mouth seemed to linger on her tongue. Surely, she will have some nightmares to face tonight, and tor the rest of her life.

"for" not "tor":twilightsmile:

"Sweetie Belle, I really wished you would've told us sooner that Scootaloo was staying a few days," Sweetie Belle's gently scolded. She, Sweetie Belle, Rarity, and the sisters' father were all in the kitchen. Sweetie's mother was finishing up washing the dishes, and the father was peeling and slicing potatoes with small parry knife before dropping the pieces into a pot of water on the stove. Rarity was lounging at the table with her phone in her hands and a bite of an apple in her mouth. Sweetie Belle was leaned against the refrigerator.

missing a name between "sweetie belle's" and "gently scolded":twilightsmile:

Sweetie Belle took a seat on Rarity's bed. I squeaked as the springs compressed under her, er, weight. Rarity turned around from the door and looked her sister in the eye. "Sweetie Belle, what's going on?"

that "I" is supposed to be an"It" and the "er" doesn't really need to be there:twilightsmile:

Scootaloo replied, with a deadpan face, "Fuck-me-teen." She then smirked. Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes, but the simultaneous smile on her face told another story.

"Fuck-me-teen" possibly should be "Fuck-me-ten":twilightsmile:

would you perhaps want/need a proofreader cause im willing and able and would love to help!!

Interest has been peaked :raritystarry:
Definitely curious to see what comes next :raritywink: So far so good! :twilightsmile:

Omg I loved this. There was a few spelling errors unless your English is better then mine >.<

Can't wait for chapter 2! And always remember... "Pineapples..."

This story has potential, but it needs work. I am glad to see that this story has a more 'story' feel than the last one. Not to trample on the pain or experiences of those who have had to go through such traumatic events! - it just felt the previous story was a 'how I wish it had gone' or a 'what I would have done if I was there' piece. :twilightsheepish:

But I am in no position to judge the prequel. Sometimes things just have to be said. :eeyup:

As I said though, this story has potential. Aside from the grammar and spelling issues, of which there are quite a few in some sections, this chapter has brought up many story elements that need a hard look. Particularly the romance element.

I believe that Scootaloo should examine her thoughts about Sweetie. Is the attraction she feels due to her honest feelings for Sweetie or are they a result of her position and need for a safe, familiar, and accepting presence? It's a hard road to take but Scoots needs to ask herself if her feelings for Sweetie are romantic or if they stem from a desire to latch onto a familiar presence in her chaotic situation. There is also the question of Sweetie - can she return the feelings or does she feel their relationship is purely platonic?

The other thing I think needs work is Sweetie's family. As of now the only characters with any depth are Scoots and Sweetie. The parents especially feel a little flat (cut&paste "good 'ol mom and pop") but that could change in future chapters.

All in all, I like were you could go with this - and I think it's a story that needs to be told. After the story is done, though, and you've gained some experience I feel that you should come back and do a re-write (Perhaps you could even include the prequel?). This story deserves to be the best that it can be, and I would I would be willing to help if you would allow it.

Following your progress
- A simple Extra

P.S. I am confused by the... -Gore- tag?

4027429
The 'gore' tag is for a future chapter.

3998492
I could use a few proofreaders, but only if they don't mind an irregular schedule.

3997819
4010622
Chapter Two may be a while. I have to do a bit of legal research for it and then write it by hand and THEN type it. Then comes proofing and posting.

4034220 i dont mind ... just pm me the chapter and ill look at it

I'll happily proof your next chapters if you PM them to me as well.

OMG! I was like, praying that you would make some sort of a sequel!! It happened!!!! YAY!!! PLEASE OH PLEASE WRITE MORE!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!

YEY! scoota-life is improving!:heart:

As someone with a bottle of antidepressants on his bathroom counter, I need a happy-ish story like this.

Not bad, can't wait to see what's next

This was a really nice chapter. I liked that Scootaloo forgave Apple Bloom.

You did a great job showing just how much better Scootaloo was getting by simply changing her surroundings. I'm also glad that you're taking the romance, as per the tag I know the two will at least discuss it, slowly. Scootaloo isn't even certain as to how Sweetie Belle meant what she said, and she doesn't want to take any chances right now.

I would say that the swearing was jarring, and to an extent it was, but that is simply how people speak. At that age, I spoke like a sailor too, so I've acclimated to it within this story. I only say that because some, myself included at times, can find profanity a bit off-putting.

Having Scootaloot's father know that she was the one that had him arrested was just perfect, especially since he basically just dug his own grave. Her reaction was also well described as she still held a very real and justifiable fear of him.

I looks like things will become brighter for Scootaloo, but she still has a few hurdles to overcome. The two bullies, her emancipation from her parents, and, ultimately, discovering if there can be anything between her and Sweetie Belle.

I'm really glad I found your story, and I look forward to reading more.

A adore this story. Thanks for sharing it! I've noticed a few auto correct typos but nothing too bad. It's heartfelt without being too melodramatic. I remember how raw being a teenager felt. :)

4507996
First, there's reason why the romance is being taken slow. Though, don't ask because no spoilers. Also, the emancipation isn't really covered in this story. The main story ends before the summer and I think that it would be until the summer that the court hearings and such would start.

4531413 You clearly have a plan, and given how well, and touching, the story is progressing, I have a feeling it's a good one.

Ask for no spoilers? Got it. :twilightsmile:

Not having the emancipation be part of the main story is an interesting choice. It shows that life is moving one its usual pace, though it could another story for another day. Not a question, I promise.

Lastly, I would like to apologize. I reread my comment, and wow was I a jerk. I killed the second have of the first paragraph. It was stupid and had nothing to do with the story, so for that, and any rudeness I might have done, I'm sorry.

I look forward to reading your next chapter.

4531505
Quite honestly, the one thing that fanfiction (and ultimately the internet) has taught is to know when to say, "I don't give a fuck." So I didn't even really get offended.

4531543 That's good to hear. Being able to shrug meaningless things off and move on is a really useful skill, especially, like you said, in an environment like the internet.

so beutiful...made me shed a tear...

you, i love you! your story is one of many feels and deep hatred for the DT and SP keep this coming please. its my favorite bed time story!:pinkiecrazy:

diamond and silver are in for it, I must remember the popcorn.
anyone want any? :pinkiehappy:

4788843 I totally agree with you on that one.:ajsmug:

And yes, please. This should be quite the show.:raritywink:

4788843 Oooooooooohh They gonna get iiit
I've got the candy bars, anyone want to share? :twilightsmile:

Looks like because Sweetie Belle never got in trouble, she also never told her mom and dad that she was being bullied.

Oh man I am loving this story! I can't wait to read more. I am craving to find where Sweetie and Scootaloo's relationship is taking them :)

acabo de encontrar este finc y en verdad me encanto

So I really can't wait to see what's next. This story also made me realize how my school life could've become this. To all those in the comments: i ran out of snacks, mind sharing some? Lol. But anyway I love this story so far.

really liking this story and good to see sweetie belle's mom being more understanding about the situation:scootangel:

ZOMG THIS IS SO GOOD! I beg of you... please update! PLEASE UPDATE THIS SOON! AHHHHH :pinkiehappy:

4917704
By the end of the month...I hope.:unsuresweetie:

Lately, I've been suffering all kinds of writer's block and distractions.

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