Just a random person of no significance!
Some mistakes have been made, and some friendships torn and it seems like nothing but sadness will come from them, or at least that's what sweetie belle thinks. She gets some reassurance from a friend in her time of need. Sometimes you need to take two steps back before you can gallop.
Currently in the works of finding a proofreader/editor but if anyone of you lovely people want to offer some help fell free to ask!
Page generated in 0.103 seconds
Total duration
1,063 users online
2,247,382 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Oh my.
Want to see more of this.
ok.
they
Unless this is a expression. I'm not familiar with, you must have meant next day.
Nice feelings carried by the story in general, it all holds together very well as a sing idea that develops and concludes, and it worked great with the cover image.
Hopefully my criticism isn't too vague for this story.
~Leonzilla
4087878 fixed thanks you
4087874 there may very well be more of this
4087974 I'm sure there are still many more errors. I recommend you get a proof-reader ASAP.
4088234 yeah i know
4088238 Also, I recommend doing so before posting the next time.
4088251 i usually tend to edit as i post so all through the week its gonna be fixed ...just the way I do things
now to find me a proofreder
4088456 Did you enjoy it? fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/056/8/9/clapping_pony_icon___scootaloo_by_taritoons-d5w610a.gif
To the point of envy of your skills
4088493
A sweet story. Some of the wording is awkward such as: "I deserve to not have you to as my friends" would probably flow better as "I don't deserve to have you as my friends." Also, you used 'your' rather than 'you're' in 'Your homeless'. Also a few errors with capitalization. But technical errors aside, its a very pleasant story. Bit short and compressed, but good.
Nice but could you explain how
destroyed the clubhouse.
Thanks
3/10
Typos aside, this was a great story. I approve.
4090516 finally someone asked ... i would have but i wanted to leave that open as it would have drawn away from what i was going or but hey if people want to know i can always write a sequel
4090275 thank you ...was mean to be like that (not the errors
)
4091381 thank you ...still trying to get a proofreader
4090934 I can fully understand that some people wont enjoy a story and i can respect your opinion but may i ask why so i can work on bettering myself and my writing in the future ... oh and thank you for even giving it a read
4091381
4088234
4090275 is that any better on the error side of things... Just spent the good end of three hours editing
A sweet and enjoyable read. Just one teeny question, what did sweetie do to the clubhouse?
-frost
4096329 you'll have to wait fo the prequel to find out[if i decide to do one but most definitely going to make a sequel] i intentionally left that open to leave if up to the reader to wonder
I don't know how to reply but F1utt3rshy please make a sequal soon please
I would like that
*sequel
4096572 you click the >> on the comment you want to reply to ... should be about here.................'''.... ^
......................................................................................................................................................................I
4096572 oh and ill try my best
4096414
thanks that's great
I wanted a sequel
Oh man that's was FUCKING FABS!!!!
anyways Really good you seem like you have great skill but your mixing present tense and past tense words together so it's kind of confusing but over all it's really good oh and plz plz plz plz make a sequel and a prequel and you need a proofreader ASAP. ^-^
4098191 yeah i tend to do that
...and i know i need a proofreader stil
I thought this was pretty good. Scootaloo seems a little out of character to me by the way she talks, and you kinda used nicknames alot, like alot alot
I would suggest to not use them so much.
But for the most part I liked it, would also love to know what Sweetie Belle did to the clubhouse and what happens after this.
8/10 Scootaloos for her lookin' out for the other crusaders!
4099243 yeah i can see howd you get that ... i rp with scootloo a lot so my fanon was conflicing with canon there ... as for the sequel/prequel nothigns definate but most liky will be at least sequel, i wanted to leave what happended to the clubhouse out for discussion ... oh and im surprised bout the nicknames i do use them alot sure but i thin i use elipses a lot more
Heartwarming and fluffy, needs few grammar corrections but as you said yourself, you need a proofreader and editor so that will fix itself sooner or later
And this really does look like it needs to continue, let their feelings develop, explains how the house got destroyed, Sweetie and Bloom talking to each other, plenty of potential for continuation.
4099477 thats why i left this so vague ...i fully plan to make sequel prolly chaptered too
There's a lot of things here that seem out of character or just don't make sense. The CMC refer to each other as "Sweets" "Scoots" and "Bloom" on a slim to none basis in canon. It was a bit annoying to read the first time and extraordinarily annoying to read for the 20th time. The argument between Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle wasn't very long or particularly hurtful; it seems like a massive jump in logic on Sweetie Belle's part to assume that just because they had a short argument that one hates the other. Speaking of logic jumps, if Scootaloo was homeless (and yet was somehow staying clean and mostly well fed with enough energy to perform well enough in school not to rouse suspicion from Cheerilee in addition to cutie mark crusading), wouldn't she be living in their clubhouse then? It's literally an empty house that only the CMC go into. Expanding on that thought, wouldn't Scootaloo be far more upset that it was destroyed than Apple Bloom? Some description of how a young filly manages to actually destroy a full blown treehouse without destroying the tree in the process might be good to expand upon as well. Finally, The story is riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. You would do well to invest in an editor. A for effort I guess and there's always room for improvement.
4100046 it went supposed to be canon though i can admit i did use the nicknames quite a bit
as for the whole sweetie and scootaloo massive jumps of logic all i can really say there is you have a point for sweetie but for scootaloo i never specifically said she wasn't ... i deliberately left most of this story vague for a few reasons one being it not being important for say how it got destroyed but that it did and she caused it , for scootaloo being upset many things go into effect making her not as sad as she would be ...1 never was stated where she lived if anywhere at all 2 she cared more about her friends then she would have about not having a shelter to sleep in f she was in fact living in the clubhouse3 she could be use too disappointment and sadness by now as it was never said how long shes been alone ... as for the whole tree thing i don't think i ever said anything about the tree at all assuming that the reader would get that the tree was destroyed as well but i can easily fix that problem ... i left this story so open to let the reader determine what happened on the own not binding them to a definitive answer
oh and as for the grammatical and spelling errors i've been working on it only so much one can do themselves with a limited time span but anyways thanks for even reading it and giving me your honest opinion
That was a quite adorable ending <3 there was some awkward wording but it is still very very cute. Keep it up!
SO FUKING ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
4114279
4115487 Thanks you fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/056/8/9/clapping_pony_icon___scootaloo_by_taritoons-d5w610a.gif fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/056/7/f/clapping_pony_icon___sweetie_belle_by_taritoons-d5w5zt5.gif
did i miss any happy emoticons
4091469
having a flashback about how she destroyed the clubhouse
you could do
4122196 that i could
Although I did enjoy the story, it was seemingly riddled with little errors and things that didn't sound right. The mixing of present and past tense was quite unnerving and there were quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes, including one of my pet peeves, 'on accident' instead of 'by accident'.
I think you just really need a proof reader, and maybe someone to confer with about the way your stories go, to ensure they sound fluent and not forced.
Anyways good luck with future stories, with a little more proofing and checking over they should be brilliant.
4484381 ok thank you for your reply ...itds funny really ...i never had a proofreader for this to begin with so i did my best
i enjoyed it please do a squeal please I NEED MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i like the fact tht u did a Scootabelle fic it was so nicely done in my opinion
I really hope to see more Scootabelle........please
5719840 you know ... I've been mulling over doing a sequel but I'm having trouble decision wheat her I want a prequel or not first ... And I'd need a proofreader ... This one wasn't proofread at all besides myself ... But you've given me drive to write more
It was good but why didn't AppleJack come running when the clubhouse got destroyed or seem more concerned when she found out about it? She blew it off like it was no big deal.
About you needing an editor I am thinking of becoming one. I never had a thing for writing. But spelling errors stuck out.
Btw in the note asking for an editor. You spelled feel ,as fell.
Am I the only one picking up some ScootaBelle vibes from this, especially near the end? That was cute!