Pirates of Equestria: Dead Stallion's Chest

by The Phantom Joker

Escape!

Out on the waters near Isla De Barbaria, we find a gray Earth Pony with a gray mane and tail and wearing a filthy gray suit without a tie rowing, a pink Earth Pony with a lavender and white and tail and a silver tiara on her head, wearing a filthy lavender suit without a tie. She was reading Faust’s Book. Also in the boat was a dog with prison keys in its mouth.

“Well, I say it was Divine Providence that got us out of jail,” said Diamond Tiara, looking up from her Faust’s Book.

“And I say it was me being clever,” said Silver Spoon, before casting a look at the prison dog. “Isn’t that right, poochie?”

“Well, how do you know it wasn’t Divine Providence that inspired you to be clever. Either way, I’m not stealing a ship,” said Diamond.

“Don’t think of it as stealing, think of it as salvaging. And since when did you care anyway?” said Silver.

“Since we’re not immortal anymore. We’ve gotta start taking care of our immortal souls,” said Diamond, tapping her Faust’s Book.

“You know you can’t read, right?” said Silver.

“It’s Faust’s Book, you get credit for trying,” said Diamond indignantly.

“Pretending to read Faust’s Book is a lie! That’s a mark against-” said Silver, jabbing her hoof in the air before she caught sight of The Black Pearl. “Look! There it is!”

The prison dog jumped out of the boat and swam to shore.

“What’s gotten into him?” asked Diamond.

“Probably saw a catfish or something,” said Silver.

The two pirates started to crack up at the joke, right before a huge wave flipped the boat over and washed them ashore.

Silver laughed gleefully as she and Diamond walked up to The Black Pearl. “It’s ours for the taking!” she said.

“Looks like the tide’s coming in, that oughta help… well, now that I think about it, salvaging is saving in a manner of speaking,” said Diamond.

“There’s the truth of it!” said Silver.

Abruptly, drums started to play in the distance in a ritualistic type of way.

“I think we’d better save it as soon as we can, what with our souls in such a vulnerable state and everything,” said Diamond Tiara.

“Amen to that,” said Silver, before she and her best friend got to work undoing the mooring ropes.

Meanwhile, over a cliff farther into the island…

We now find Shining Armor, Applejack, Scootaloo, Cotton Fluff, and some of the crew members in two separate cages made of bone that resembled hamster balls dangling over a cliff from a wooden bridge.

"How could she do this to us?" said Shining Armor. “I mean, if Rainbow's the chiefess-”

"Aye, the Barbarian Changelings made Rainbow their chiefess. But, she only remains chief as long as she acts like a chief," said Applejack.

"So, she had no choice. She's a prisoner as much as the rest of us," said Shining Armor.

"It’s much worse than that, I’m afraid. See, the Barbarian Changelings believe that Rainbow is a goddess in mortal form. And they intend to do her the honor of releasing her from her... fleshy prison," said Applejack, before Cotton Fluff kicked her. "Ow! Anyways, if we don’t get out of here and stop them, they'll roast Rainbow and eat her."

"Wait a second… where's the rest of the crew?" asked Shining Armor, looking for more familiar faces in the neighboring cage.

"You know these cages we're in... well, they weren't built until after we got here," said Applejack.

An involuntary shudder ran through Shining Armor.

"The feast is about to begin. Rainbow's life will end when the drums stop," said Applejack
.
“Well then, we can’t just sit here and wait then, can we?” said Shining Armor.
.
Meanwhile, at the Barbarian Changelings’ village...
"No! No, no! Hey! No, no! Big fire! Big fire! I am chiefess, want big fire!" said Rainbow. She then turned towards her throne and ordered the two Barbarians by it in the Changeling’s language, “More wood, tute suite! Hurry it up!” she said. With all the Barbarian Changelings distracted, Rainbow smirked. Later, suckers! she thought as she made a break for it.
In her desperation to escape, she found a Barbarian Changeling’s hut.
Maybe there’s something in there that can help me save the crew, thought Rainbow as she went inside and rummaged around a bit.

Rainbow grabbed some rope and began to leave, before something caught her eye. It was a can of paprika from the East Equestria Trading Company.

I'm starting to run out of options. Can't be out on the water because of Jones' terrible beastie, can't be on land because of the East Equestria Trading Company... that leaves only one option, thought Rainbow Dash as she left the hut... only to find the whole village waiting for her.

"Oh, bugger," said Rainbow Dash.
.
Thinking fast, Rainbow began putting paprika under her wings. "A little seasoning, eh?" she said.

Rainbow was promptly tied to a bamboo pole and placed over the firewood on roasting tongs, ready to be cooked.

"Well done," said Rainbow, sarcasm evident in her voice.

Meanwhile, back at the cliff…

Shining Armor and the crewponies of The Black Pearl swung their cages back and forth towards a vine-covered cliffside. As they did so, Shining Armor couldn’t help but imagine Merry-Go-Round music play as they did so. After a few tries, they managed to grab hold of some vines.
"Put your legs through, start to climb!" yelled Applejack.

As they climbed, Shining Armor yelled,"Come on! It'll take all of us to crew The Black Pearl!"

"Actually, you wouldn't need everyone...About six will do nicely," said Leech from the other cage.

Both cages stopped and looked at each other.

"Uh-oh," said Leech.

With a nod from Applejack, Shining Armor and the ponies in his cage yelled as they and the ponies in Leech’s cage began a race up the cliff.

“Come on! Is that all you got?!” taunted Scootaloo.
Just then, a teenage Barbarian Changeling walked by on the bridge overhead, forcing them to stop.

“Shh…” said Leech. He and his cage then began to sneak their way up the cliff.

“No, stop, what are you doing?” hissed Shining Armor.

Leech and the ponies in his cage simply snickered until Leech himself grabbed a poisonous snake.

“Snake! Snake!” yelled Leech, causing all the ponies in his cage to panic and lose their grip. The cage fell at such a fast rate that the rope snapped, sending Leech and his friends plummeting to their deaths.

Applejack winced when the cage hit the ground.

Unfortunately, the Barbarian Changeling saw the whole thing.

"Move!" yelled Shining Armor

The group then began to climb their way up once again.

Back in the village…

A Barbarian Changeling carrying a torch ran into the village and chittered something, which the rest repeated. Just as the Changeling with the torch was about to light the wood, the
Changeling from the bridge ran in and told everyone of the escape of Shining Armor and the crew. They all turned to Rainbow Dash for orders.

"Well, go on, go get them!" yelled Rainbow, before translating the order, which the Barbarian Changelings repeated before they left. However, the Changeling with the torch dropped his torch a little too close to the kindling as they left.

"Hey! Come back and let me down first! A thousand years bad luck if you don’t come back and let me down!” yelled Rainbow Dash, but the Changelings were too far away to hear her.

“Not good," said Rainbow, as she then tried to blow out the flames.

Back with the crew…

Shining Armor and the crew had just managed to get the cage up the cliff.

“Cut it loose! Find a rock!” yelled Shining Armor. He then saw the oncoming swarm of Changelings. "Roll the cage!" he yelled.

The crew began to roll the cage, only to find that they were at the top of a hill directly in front, down which the hamster ball-like cage rolled uncontrollably before it rolled up and tree and fell, somehow unbroken, with the Barbarian Changelings right behind them.

"Lift the cage!" yelled Shining Armor
Shining Armor and the crew lifted the cage, accidentally knocking Scootaloo off her hooves in the process, and ran with it, only to fall into a river, where the cage broke.

“This way! Hurry!” said Applejack.

The Changelings began shooting arrows at the crew as they tried to swim to safety.

Back with Rainbow Dash...

Rainbow Dash swung back and forth on the roasting tongs, before finally she managed to get the pole off of the tongs. Out of the fire and back into the frying pan, thought Rainbow.

As she ran back to the village, Rainbow began tugging at the ropes that held her to the pole, only to notice a Changeling child holding a fork and knife watching her. Rainbow grabbed the knife from the child, who then ran off.

As Rainbow began to try to cut through the ropes, she found two more Barbarian Changelings hold plates of fruit.

Rainbow screamed and ran head-first into a stack of coconuts, one of which was impaled upon the pole. She suddenly had an idea. Turning around, she hurled the coconut at one of the Changelings, who caught it. The look on its face could be summed up with three words: It is on.

Back with Shining Armor and the crew…
The Changelings kept shooting arrows at Shining Armor and the crew of The Black Pearl. They suddenly stopped when a young Changeling came and chittered something. Something that must’ve been important enough to get the Barbarian Changelings to abandon Shining Armor and the crew.

Rainbow must’ve escaped, thought Shining Armor.

“Now’s our chance! We need to get back to the ship!” said Applejack.

“Aye!” said the crew.
Back with Rainbow Dash…

Rainbow was in the middle of a food fight with the two Barbarian Changelings. Most of the food that they’d thrown got stuck on the pole Rainbow was tied to, making her look like a shish-ka-bob.

"Stop it!" yelled Rainbow.

The two Changelings stopped throwing food, bewildered looks on their faces.

Rainbow took the opportunity and ran at the cliff, somehow did a pole vault backflip, and landed safely on the other side of the cliff... but, the weight of the food on her pole caused her to fall off the cliff. Luckily, the pole got stuck and Rainbow’s ropes came unraveled, leaving her dangling by her wings.

A scraping sound meant that the pole was starting to slip.

"Bugger," said Rainbow.

The pole slipped and Rainbow, unable to fly due to her tied-up wings, began to fall to the ground, with several wooden bridges to help break her fall. When she landed, the breath as knocked out of her… and the pole was falling right at her.

“Ehh…” said Rainbow, right before the pole landed beside her head, quickly followed by pieces of fruit.

Meanwhile, at The Black Pearl…

"Haul loose the mooring line!" yelled Silver Spoon while Diamond Tiara chased Dash the monkey around the ship for her tiara.

“Nah nah nah, you can’t catch me,” taunted Dash as he leapt about the rigging, before gnawing on the tiara.

"No! Don't bite it!" said Diamond.

"Haul loose the mooring line!" yelled Silver.

Diamond looked down at Silver. "He's got my eye! He won't give it back!" said Diamond.

"Well, how'd you get it back last time?" asked Silver, just as Applejack, Shining Armor, and the rest of crew ran up.

"Excellent! Our work's half done!" said Applejack.

"Uh... heh heh heh...we did it for you! Knowing you'd be coming back!" said Silver.

“I thought we were salvaging the-” said Diamond, before a look from Silver shut her up.

"Make ready to sail, everypony!" said Applejack
.
"What about Rainbow? I won't leave without her!" said Shining Armor.

"Oi!" came Rainbow's voice in the distance.

Rainbow came into sight... and right behind her was the whole Barbarian Changeling tribe.

"Time to go," said Shining Armor.

"Cast off those lines!" yelled Applejack.

Rainbow Dash flutter-ran as fast as she could, passing the prison dog. “Good doggie,” said Rainbow. With one great leap, she grabbed onto the ladder that was on The Pearl and turned to face the Barbarian Changelings, who were complaining loudly.

"Alas, my children, this is the day that you will always remember as the day you almost-" said Rainbow, before a huge wave cut her off. "Captain Rainbow Dash."

Just then, the prison dog barked, attracting the highly unwanted attention of the Barbarian Changelings. The prison dog let out a whimper, as though it knew what was coming, before running as fast as it could away from them.

Author's Note:

Drop a comment, and drink up, me bronies, yo ho!

Comments

[History Freak]

This was a good chapter, especially the pacing. You really made the pacing in the chapter match the pacing in the scenes from the movie. Keep up the good work, I can't wait when Davy Jones to show up. Looking forward for the next chapter.

[History Freak]

I can't wait until Davy Jones shows up.

[The Silent King]

Flim and Flam would've been better than silver and diamond in my opinion