• Published 24th Mar 2012
  • 14,950 Views, 876 Comments

Wrong Hospital Niko Bellic - Sorren



After an accident, Niko Bellic finds himself in Ponyville with no Knowledge of how or why.

  • ...
37
 876
 14,950

Part 8

Wrong Hospital Niko Bellic

By: Sorren

Part 8

“What in Celestia’s name happened here?”

A voice rang in Niko’s head. His whole body ached. He opened his eyes to early morning sunlight.

He heard the voice again. “Just what the hay do ya’ reckon this thing is?”

Niko squinted against the light, trying to find the source of the voice. It sounded female, female and rural. He turned his head to examine his surroundings. Shattered glass lay all around him. There was a seat above him.

Niko took a moment to process the sight. With a painful grimace, he pushed himself to a sitting position. He was in a car, to be specific, an upside down car.

The limp shape of Brucie slumped beside Niko on the floor, or in this case, the roof. There was cut on his face. The blood had since dried and the wound scabbed over.

Niko prodded him. “Brucie?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

Brucie’s eyes shot open. He looked around sluggishly. “Man, my head hurts,” he groaned. “What happened?”

“Hello?” the unknown voice called again. “Somepony’s in that thing,” it declared.

“Look Applejack!” called another disembodied voice. “There’s something over here!” The new voice was very similar to the first, but much more shrill.

“Big Mac, go see what she’s talkin’ about.”

Niko turned to look into the back seat. Rainbow was sprawled on the vinyl roof of the sports car. A thin trickle of blood ran from a lengthily cut on her flank. Roman was nowhere to be seen.

“Rainbow?” Niko asked worriedly. She didn’t reply. “Rainbow?” he insisted.

She rolled onto her side to look at him. Her magenta eyes were unfocused and bloodshot. “What the hay happened?” She reached up a forehoof and rubbed a spot on her head.

Niko looked around. “I think that we crashed Brucie’s car.”

There was a tinkering of glass as Brucie drug himself out the shattered driver-side window.

“Who’re you?” the female voice asked.

“Oh my god!” Niko heard Brucie squeal. “You’re Applejack!”

“Um, yeah?” she said confusedly. “An’ yer’ a human,” she stated levelly.

Niko turned and drug himself out the passenger window. Rainbow followed right behind. He pushed himself to his feet and surveyed the scene.

They were in what appeared to be an apple orchard. An orange pony looked at him with a mixture of confusion and worry. Ironically, her tail and mane were fashioned in a ponytail. Her head sported a brown cowboy hat.

That made Niko wonder. What would a cowboy hat for ponies be called anyways. Cowmare hat? No, mare meant female. Cowbuck? Cowpony? That just sounded stupid.

“Hey, ah remember you,” she mused, breaking him out of his wandering thoughts. “aren’t ya that fella’ that wanted ta’ kill Pinkie with a cupcake?”

Niko nodded. “Pretty sure.”

Applejack’s eyes strayed from Niko to a spot behind him. “Rainbow? What’re you doin’ here?”

Rainbow stepped forward, looking a little tipsy. “I was with them.”

The orange pony’s gaze fell upon Rainbow’s flank. “Tarnations girl!” she exclaimed. “Yer’ bleedin.’”

Rainbow looked back to examine her own flank. “Whoa,” she awed. “I don’t think I’ve ever got a cut this big before.”

Niko bent over and examined the wound more closely. “It is not deep,” he reassured. “It will heal in few days.”

Rainbow shrugged. The cut really didn’t seem like much of a concern for her.

“Shit,” Brucie breathed heavily. He looked down at his car, or at least, what was left of it. “I knew that roll bar would come in handy.”

Niko silently thanked the roll bar as well. The Saber couldn’t even be portrayed as a car anymore. Cyan colored car parts were scattered along the improvised path they had taken through the orchard. He spotted the tree they had hit. Unluckily enough, it was the only oak in the sea of much smaller apple trees.

The only part of the vehicle still intact was the passenger area. The engine block had rolled an extra thirty feet and lay up against a tree. From the path they had left in their wake, it appeared as if they had rolled the car right through the middle of the orchard.

Applejack glared up at Brucie. She pointed a hoof angrily at the mangled wreckage of the vehicle. “Is this here yer’ contraption?”

“It was.” Brucie chuckled disappointedly at the wreck. “Good thing I have another one of these babies back in Liberty.”

Applejack pointed towards the spot where they had come off the road. “Just look what y’all gone an’ did!”
Several apple trees had been flattened in the vehicle’s wake.

Brucie took a sharp intake of air. “Oh, these are your trees,” he muttered.

Applejack raised her head proudly. “Yes. An’ ah don’t appreciate y’all crashing yer metal wagon into em. That’s like a hundred ruined apples.”

“Sorry AJ,” Brucie replied meekly.

Applejack shot him a curious look. “Now just how do ya’ know my name?”

“Applejack, look!” the shrill voice called. Niko spotted the source of the sound. It was a yellow-ish filly with crimson hair and a pink bowtie.

“What is it Applebloom?”

Applebloom motioned towards a larger red stallion. He was carrying a bundle of fabric in his mouth. He trotted over to them and set it down, taking careful eye of the two humans.

They were clothes. Niko examined them closer. They were Roman’s clothes. “What the hell?” he wondered aloud?”

Brucie looked on curiously. “Are those Roman’s clothes?”

“Yes.”

“So what?” Brucie scoffed. “He climbed out of the car, stripped off all his clothes, and went running around an apple orchard in the nude?”

Niko frowned. “Sounds like something Roman would do.” His phone started ringing.

Brucie laughed. “You get reception here?”

Niko pulled out his phone. “Only incoming,” he replied, checking the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Who is it?” Brucie whispered.

Niko waved an arm at him. Applejack was looking rather confused.

“Niko, it is your cousin!” came Roman’s cheery voice.

Niko rolled his eyes. “Yes Roman, I have caller ID. Now where are you and why are you naked?”

“What are you talking about?” Roman asked. “One, I am not naked. And two, I called to find you. I thought you were coming home to penthouse last night.”

Niko scowled at the phone. “Roman, what are you talking about? I have not been in Liberty City for days.”

“Do whatever you want,” Roman said impartially. “Oh, yes,” he added. “On totally unrelated note, I had crazy dream last night. I dreamed that I crashed helicopter in forest near a place called Ponyville. You and Brucie were there too. I think I may have gotten into Jacob’s stuff.”

“Let me guess,” Niko drawled. “Rainbow colored pony was there too?”

Roman was silent for a moment. “How do you know that?” he asked nervously.

“Roman,” Niko changed topics. “Are you in Liberty City right now?”

“Yes,” Roman replied impatiently. “Now tell me, how do you know my dream?”

Niko rolled his eyes. “Because it was not dream Roman.” Rainbow waved a hoof to get his attention.

“Are you talking to Roman on that thing?” she asked.
He nodded.

Roman laughed. “Very funny Niko. But really, how do you know my dream. Did I call while I was sleeping and tell you?”

“I am not joking,” Niko persisted. “I am at land of ponies right now. Rainbow pony is here too. Say hi Rainbow Dash.” He held out the phone to the cyan pegasus.

“Hey Roman, what’s up?” she said coolly. Niko took the phone back. “Did I do it right?” she asked quietly. Niko nodded.

“See,” he said to Roman. “I am in Equestria hanging out with Brucie and Rainbow Dash.”

Roman moaned on the other end of the line. “It was not dream.”

“Roman?” Niko persisted. “How did get back to Liberty?”

“I do not know.” Roman sounded flustered. “I just remember riding with Brucie in car. Then I wake up in bathtub.

“If I did not know better, I would say you had long night of drinking with Brucie. But Brucie is here with me. If you were not here with me last night as well I would think you got drunk and met American girl at Burger Shot.”

“Niko,” Roman’s voice deadpanned. “You are not funny. Can’t you see I am under severe emotional strain?”

Niko felt it was time to wrap up the conversation. “Look at bright side,” he said in a dismissive tone. “You are back in Liberty City with Mallorie.”

“Yes,” his cousin replied. “I am at least glad for that.”

“I will speak with you later cousin. Right now, I have an angry orange pony wondering what happened to her apple trees.”

“All right Niko, I will speak with you later then.”

Niko ended the call and pocketed the phone. “Roman is back in Liberty City,” he declared.

Brucie scoffed. “Sucks for him.”

“I know right?” Niko added. He remembered that there were still four ponies watching him.

“How’s Roman?” Rainbow asked.

Niko chuckled. “He woke up back in Liberty City in bathtub.”

Applejack looked the two humans over in turn. “I know yer’ Niko,” she stated, pointing a hoof at him. She then turned to Brucie. “Who’re you an’ why did ya’ break my apple trees?”

Brucie held out his arms in a gesture of defense. “Hey, I didn’t mean to.”

Applejack examined the carnage. “How could ya’ get a wagon goin’ fast enough ta’ do that much damage anyhow?”

Brucie facepalmed. “This thing isn’t…” He paused. “Wasn’t a wagon. I could have hit a hundred fifty in that thing easy.”

Applejack cocked her head. “Pardon?”

Brucie thought for a moment. “Okay,” he explained. “Take a wagon as fast as you can pull it, and then multiply that by ten.”

Applejack rolled her eyes to the right of her skull, going over the numbers in her head. “That’s pretty fast,” she mused.

“Yeah,” Brucie smacked his lips and looked around. “So yeah, sorry about killing your trees.”

The orange pony shrugged. “Don’t worry none. I got hundreds more of them.”

“What are you things?” the little filly named Applebloom asked the two humans.

“We are humans,” Niko replied, knowing by now that that always passed as the best answer. “My name is Niko.” He motioned towards Brucie, who was marveling at a very uncomfortable looking Applejack. “And this is Brucie.”

Applejack took a nervous step back. “Uh, does he always… stare?”

Niko reached over and tapped Brucie on the side of the head. “It is rude to stare. Stop it, you are scaring orange pony.”

Brucie tore his eyes away from Applejack and gave his head a shake.” Sorry, zoned out there for a minute.”

Niko changed the subject. “We need to get back to Ponyville.”

“Can they come to our house?” Applebloom asked excitedly.

Niko and Brucie exchanged a glance. Brucie nodded vigorously.

“They can walk back to Ponyville,” Applejack insisted. “It ain’t too far. ‘Sides, ah doubt they’d want ta’ stay out here.”

“I would not mind,” Niko implied.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ah see no harm in em’ stayin’ with us for a night.”

Brucie made a fist and pumped his arm triumphantly.

Niko looked around. “Do you live in tree like Twilight Sparkle pony?”

“No man,” Brucie corrected. “She lives on a farm.”

Applejack glared at him. “An’ just how the hay do ya’ know that?”

Brucie laughed and shook his head. “Sorry, I’ll stop.” Niko got the feeling that Brucie was purposefully refusing to answer the question.

“Applebloom,” her older sister instructed. “Go off an’ play with your friends for a while. We have older pony… and human things to talk about.”

Applebloom made a pouty face. “Aww, do I have ta?’”

“Yes,” Applejack made a hoof movement, suggesting the filly leave them be. “Ya’ can talk with em’ later.”

“Fine,” the little filly grudgingly turned and stalked away.

Applejack motioned towards Rainbow Niko and Brucie. “Y’all can come with me. We’ll talk while we walk.”

“Okay,” Niko said impartially. Brucie on the other hand seemed ecstatic.

Applejack set a swift pace through the orchard.

“So, where are we going?” Niko asked.

“My farmhouse,” she replied.

“Sweet,” Brucie did a little skip as he walked.

Applejack threw a backwards glance at Brucie. “Now from what ah’ know of humans, I ain’t got no reason to dislike em.’ But you gotta’ stop tellin’ me things about myself. Ah don’t like it one bit.”

“Just ignore Brucie,” Niko told her. “He is just a little weird.”

“I agree with Niko,” Rainbow put in.
Brucie looked over at her. “Hey,” he protested, a hurt look in his eye.

“I mean you’re cool and all,” Rainbow added quickly. “But really, you painted your car the same color as me. Don’t you think that’s just a little creepy?”

Brucie thought for a moment. “I guess, if you put it that way…”

“Come on.” Applejack said on a cheery note. “Ah’ll show you all the farm. But I got some questions to ask ya’ first.”

* * *

“There you are!” Scootaloo exclaimed from the tree stump. “It’s about time you got here.”

“Take it easy,” Applebloom replied. “Ah’m here now, ain’t I?”

“Finally,” Sweetie Belle groaned. “I’m tired of sitting around this boring old orchard.”

“What took you so long?” inquired Scootaloo.

“Some weird thing crashed in the orchard an’ ah went with Applejack ta’ go see what it was.”

Sweetie Belle looked curious. “What was it?”

Applebloom shrugged. “I’unno, some wagon thing.” She didn’t want to tell her friends about the two humans right now. They would be asking her questions from here until sundown.

“What do we have planned for today?” Applebloom asked her two friends.

The two fillies exchanged a glance. “We thought you would have something,” Sweetie Belle said.

Applebloom glared. “You were the ones with all this time ta’ sit around an’ think. Why haven’t you all thought a’ something?’”

“Hey, I have an idea!” Scootaloo exclaimed. The other fillies’ ears perked curiously. “Let’s go into town and see if we can find Rainbow Dash.”

Applebloom shook her head. “Rainbow isn’t in town.”

“How do you know?” Scootaloo asked defensively.

Applebloom almost told her that Rainbow was with Applejack. But she remembered her sister had asked for some time alone. “She said somethin’ about bein’ in Cloudsdale today,” she improvised.

Scootaloo threw a sideways glance at her wings. “Dang,” she muttered. Her enthusiasm perked up. “I know! We can go into town and mess with Rarity’s cat!”

Sweetie Belle shrugged. “Doesn’t bother me.”

Applebloom nodded. “Good idea Scoots.”

The little pegasus cantered over to her scooter. She motioned towards the wagon hitched to the back. “Come on!”

The two fillies ran to the wagon and hopped in.

Scootaloo mounted her means of transportation and looked back at them. “Hold onto your horseshoes girls.” Her wings buzzed to life and the wagon shot forward with a sudden burst of speed. Scootaloo may not have been able to fly, but that didn’t mean her wings weren’t powerful. She just didn’t seem to have the ability to produce upward lift. She would get it eventually.

The three fillies shot out of the clearing and onto the road, Scootaloo making a fast pace towards town.

“Do ya’ think Rarity’ll get mad if we mess with Opalescence?” Applebloom asked Sweetie Belle.

“Not sure,” she replied. “But it’s going to be fun.”

There was a heavy jolt that rocked the whole wagon. Scootaloo let out a surprised yell as she was sprung from her scooter into the air.

Without their driver, the two fillies could only brace themselves as the wagon turned sideways and rolled.

Sweetie Belle was the first to pick herself up. She glared at Scootaloo, who had landed a few feet away. “Why’d you have to go and crash you dodo!?” she reprimanded.

“It’s not like I tried to crash,” the orange filly replied. “I hit something in the road.” She rolled to her hooves and trotted back the way they had come.

Applebloom rubbed her head. “Wha’ happened?”

Sweetie Belle was examining a scuff on her flank. “We crashed,” she replied moodily.

Scootaloo trotted back over to them with a shiny piece of silver metal in her jaws. “Shee,” she spat the container onto the ground. “This is the thing that crashed us.”

Applebloom turned it over with her hoof. “What do ya’ reckon it is?”

“Looks like some sort of drink container,” Sweetie Belle implied. She picked it up and shook it in her forehooves. She was rewarded with the sound of liquid sloshing in its depths.

“See,” she said triumphantly. “I told you so.”

Scootaloo snatched it from the white filly’s hooves to examine it herself. “How do you open it?”

Applebloom pulled it from Scootaloo’s grasp. “It looks like the top comes off. She held the container out to Sweetie Belle. “You got magic; you open it.”

Sweetie Belle took the container in her magic, and with some experimentation, screwed the lid off. She peered down at the liquid inside.

“What’s in it?” Applebloom asked.

Sweetie Belle levitated it over to the yellow filly. “I don’t know. Some sort of liquid.”

cootaloo rolled her eyes. “Well somepony needs to taste it to see what it is.”

Sweetie Belle glared. “I’m not tasting it.”

“Fine,” Applebloom interjected. “Ah’ll taste it.”

Tentatively, she grasped the container and brought it to her lips. She took a small sip and scrunched her face.

What’s it taste like?” Scootaloo asked.

Applebloom cocked her head, thinking. “Tastes kinna’ like a candy cane.”

“What?” Scootaloo snatched it from her. “No it doesn’t.” She took an experimental sip as well. She frowned. “It does taste like a candy cane.”

“Let me try some!” Sweetie Belle said eagerly.

* * *

Applejack leveled her gaze with the three of them. “So y’all are tellin’ me…” She pointed at Niko and Brucie, excluding Rainbow. “that you two magically teleported here? The hairless one brought his metal wagon thing. Then y’all got drunk on apple juice an’ crashed it in the middle of my apple orchard?”

Niko looked casually around the barn, trying to ignore the orange pony’s prying stare. “Yes,” he replied. “That is about right.”

Applejack cocked an eyebrow then scratched a spot on her head. “Ah didn’t even think ya’ could get drunk off’a apple juice.”

Niko gave her a serious look. “It is special apple juice.”

Applejack frowned. “Well then, tha’s different.’” She looked tentatively around the room. “Say,” she muttered under her breath. “Ya’ wouldn’t happen ta’ know how ta’ make that special apple juice… would ya?’”

Niko shook his head. “Sorry, no.” He leaned over to the orange mare until he could whisper in her ear. “But I think Berry Punch might be able to help you with key ingredient.”

Applejack threw him a glance. “Berry punch, really?”
Niko nodded

Applejack returned the nod, looking thoughtful. “Well, ah’ guess ah’ll have ta’ ask her about that.”

The barn door burst open to reveal a very disgruntled Applebloom. She stumbled towards them, giggling. “Hey AJ,” she breathed heavily.

Applejack balked. Rainbow prodded Niko in the side. He stooped over for her to whisper in his ear. “Did you give her some of the apple juice?” she asked quietly.

Niko shook his head. “I do not think so.”

“Applebloom, are ya’ feelin’ okay?” Applejack asked her sibling worriedly.

“Yeah,” she slurred casually. “Me an’ the girls just been out drinkin’ a candy cane.”

Applejack cocked an eyebrow. “Drinkin’ a candy cane?”

“Yeah,” Applebloom replied. “Tastes kinna’ like what granny Smith drinks on Hearths Warming Eve.”

Brucie gasped at the mention of the name ‘granny Smith.’

Applejack kept her prying gaze on her little sister. “Ya’ wanna’ tell me exactly how yer’ s’posed ta’ drink a candy cane?”

Applebloom thought for a moment. “Oh it’s real easy,” she eventually replied. “Ya’ just put it in yer’ mouth an… you know, drink it.”

Applejack turned a knowing glance on the Rainbow pony and two humans behind her. “What was that y’all were sayin’ about special apple juice?”

Niko held out his arms defensively. “Hey, do not look at me. I just got out of car crash.”

Applejack trotted over to her sister and put a caring hoof around the tipsy foal. “Come on Applebloom. Let’s get ya’ to bed.” She turned and shot a reprimanding glance at the three fugitives in her barn. Both Rainbow and Brucie lowered their eyes to the ground. But Niko kept his eyes fixed firmly on the cowpony’s.

“Ah’ll be havin’ another, more serious talk with y’all later.”

* * *

Two men waited in a dark alley. Each of them sported a black hoodie. The hoods on both men covered their heads and most of their faces. The African American reached into his pocket and felt a roll of twenties. The Caucasian to the right caressed a pistol inside his hoodie pocket.

Both men looked up as an SUV came to a stop at the mouth of the alley, the headlights cutting like knives in the dark night. Two black males exited the vehicle and made their way over to the two men in the alley.

“You got the stuff?” the man with the twenty roll asked.

The bulkier of the two dealers motioned towards his bulging coat pocket. “Depends,” he replied coolly. “What’re you carryin?’” The dealer greatly resembled Biz Markie

The buyer produced the tight roll of twenties. The dealer nodded and produced his own package.

They made the transaction and the dealer tipped an imaginary hat. “Pleasure doing business wit’ you.”

He turned to leave, but froze at the sight of flashing blue and red lights. Tires screeched outside the alley as multiple cars pulled up to the entrance.

The buyer pointed angrily at the flashing colors. “The fuck is this shit!?”

The dealer raised his arms in a defensive gesture. “I don’t know nothing about this man!”

The Caucasian pulled his gun. “That’s bullshit man!”

The dealer’s protection drew his own piece. “Put that shit away!” he demanded.

The four men could hear shouted commands from the street. Tires screeched and a single siren wailed for a moment as another police car pulled up.

“They were working for the fucking cops!” the buyer’s protection said accusingly.

The bulky dealer motioned towards himself frantically. “Do I look like the kinna’ guy that’d be workin’ for the damn cops?”

“We know you’re in there!” Boomed a voice amplified by a loudspeaker. “You have thirty seconds to put down your weapons and surrender or we will use force!”

“Shit!” the dealer stomped his foot and put his hands on his head, spinning in a flustered circle. “If I get caught with this much shit I’m never gonna’ see daylight again.”

The dealer’s protection threw down his weapon. “Man, fuck this shit!” He turned and bolted from the alley.

“Freeze!” bellowed the voice over the loudspeaker. “I said freeze, or we will shoot!” Gunfire filled the air.

“Shit!” yelled the dealer.

The buyer’s protection trained his pistol on the dealer. “This is your fault,” he growled.

The dealer raised his hands and backed up. “Whoa man, take it easy.”

The protection jabbed at the dealer with his gun as if it were a knife. “Don’t you fucking tell me to take it easy!” he bellowed in the dealer’s face. “I’m about to go to jail! For a really long time!”

“Ten seconds!” the loudspeaker boomed.

The Caucasian pocketed his gun and lunged at the dealer. He slammed the bulky man up against the wall of the alley, hands fastened firmly in his throat.

There was a blinding flash of white light and the two men disappeared.

The buyer stared dumbstruck for a moment. He waved his arms frantically at the spot where the two men had been, his face contorted with fear and confusion. “The fuck!?”

“That’s it!” the loudspeaker informed him. “We’re coming in!”

Uniformed officers began to pour through the mouth of the alley. The buyer got down on his knees and put his hands behind his head. The only evidence he had to prove that the other two men had been there was a pocket full of cocaine.




<=I am really disapointed with myself. I cannot rely on nothing but getting everyone drunk. I think this will be the last of the booze stuff. It's getting way too... repetive. I can't believe i let myself do it for so long already.

~Sorren

Oh, and for those of you that cannot relate to biz. Here is a reference.