• Published 24th Feb 2014
  • 2,290 Views, 30 Comments

How to Crash a Castle - Walkofshade



Another addition to the League of humans acting villainous. When I go to Comicon I go to buy sh**, however apparantly buying a magic blacksmith hammer sends me to ponyland. F*** my life.

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Drinking Through My As- Eyeholes

AUTHORS NOTE: The first bit of this chapter is the old chapter, to get to the new stuff just scroll down past Twilight's POV, thanks.


(Back to my own point of view.)

I cackled the entire way down, however my insane laughter was ripped from my mouth with the extreme speed of falling from the highest point of a mountain top castle to the bottom of a ravine. The drop only lasted around ten seconds though, mainly because A certain friendship train was going too fast for it's own good. "Aaaand! WINDSHIELDS CAN SUCK IT!" I yelled as I smashed through the glass that covered the front window of the locomotive. The conductor inside never saw it coming, and that was quite apparent when he was sent sprawling by my foot pimp slapping his face. I looked over at the sack of crap in the corner and decided to check his pulse. "Still beating, still breathing." I said to myself as I took his hat and ran my hand over the controls. "I always wanted to be a conductor."

Twilight POV

I couldn't keep the smile off of my face as Pinkie continues her story, something about a magic golden whale she apparently saw when she had last went into the Everfree forest. It was so far fetched that only a gloriously random mind like Pinkie's could make something like that up. "And then, I got onto the whale's back and rode around on him as we rained gold onto the timberwolves! And after that we touched down to fi-" she was cut off by a loud smash coming from the engine room.

"What in tarnation was that?" Applejack asked me.

"I have no idea, we should go see if the conductor is alright." I replied, getting up from my seat. The girls nodded and rose from their own seats, only to be knocked down by the train suddenly accelerating. I was the first back up and I ran towards the door, barely being able to stop when the door was bashed open off it's hinges letting the air rip through the car.

My eyes began to water because of the rapid winds, but through the liquid I could see a strange creature walk inside the car. It turned around to the door. "Wish I brought duct tape." it commented before leaning down to me. "Yo purple horse thing, you got duct tape?" it asked me. I was astonished at how a possible new species just busted down the door to my train car, and forming perfect Equestrian asked me a question.

"Abdurhuf" was all that I could gargle out of my mouth.

"What, are you retarded or something, I asked you a question. Do you got any duct tape?" it repeated, flicking my forehead. "Fuck it, no point in reasoning with idiots." it said, giving up. Standing up to it's full height again, the creature grabbed the microphone for the P.A system on the train and tapped it a couple of times. "Hello horse things, this is your honorary conductor speaking. Now you may be asking yourself, 'Where is the trained conductor', well, he is mildly unconscious and may have a slight major concussion. HOWEVER, do not worry because I have set the train to maximum speed, we should be taking off any second now, so fasten your seat belts, it's gonna be a bumpy ride." From it's voice I determined that it was male, and finally remembered how to speak, so I decided to say something that had been caught in my throat earlier.

"WHAT IN CELESTIA'S NAME ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN TAKING OFF?" I bellowed, practicing my Canterlot Voice.

"I'm the fucking hero, and by taking off I mean hold on tight, also, does Brenoulli's principle work here?" it replied.

"Brenoulli's WHAT?" was all I could say before the sound of a train derailing met my ears. "Oh no."


(Blacksmith POV)

I turned around to see the view from the train car door change from the engine to the ground as the engine powered off the tracks detaching for no apparent reason. However it was not enough to stop our car from careening off the edge of the cliff. I slid forward towards the door but went spread eagle at the last second to stop myself, then six deadweights hit from behind, all of them screaming. I turned my head to the side. "CAN YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP, I AM TRYING NOT TO THINK!" I yelled at them, making them scream more. Fucking horses. Looking back forward the ground was rushing up to us at a breakneck pace, and the engine was going down even faster, it now being nothing but a heavier object to fall to the ground. I turned my head back once more. "I guess it does work then! Fucking wonderful, you would think that the magic weed train in this LSD driven world would fly but NO!" I complained to them, but the still didn't shut up. Note to self, duct tape.

Once again looking forward I laughed like a madman, the ground becoming a very close thing. I laughed harder as the engine was about to hit the ground and I waited in anticipation of the explosion... Nothing. NOTHING? I watched in amazement as the train began to fly away from the ground, before safely landing next to a lake being fed by those giant waterfalls coming from the nonexistent lakes in the mountain city. "NOW IT FLIES?" I yelled, extremely pissed off. I lifted one hand to shake my fist to the heavens when my own train car suddenly righted itself midair, much to my stomach's surprise and pain. I was thrown to the ground as sent sprawling to the back of the train as it began to fly forwards on a decent path a little less drastic than mine. As the train touched down I got up off of the fluffy horse things behind me and dusted my costume off, and began to walk outside to look for the culprit who stole my fun. I barely made it to the door before that large horse from before walked in, with another in tow that was about the same size as her, but blue.

"YOU!" the blue one bellowed, blasting my hearing. "IT IS TIME TO ANSWER FOR YOUR CRIMES!"

"Gotcha, so where to Billy Mays?" I replied, walking up to her, only to be forced to the ground by the same strange force that pinned me back in that throne room. The white one stepped forward, but looked extremely cautious, eying my hands.

"YOU WILL BE TAKEN TO THE CANTERLOT COURT ROOM, WHERE YOU WILL BE TRIED FOR YOUR CRIMES.!" the blue one pretty much screamed this time.

"HEY! I CAN YELL TOO! BUT I UNDERSTAND YOU JUST AS WELL IF YOU QUIET DOWN!" I yelled, standing up and stepping towards her face. This time the force was a little more painful. And it kinda threw me against the roof.

"You have terrorized this land and therefore you will be-" the white one began. I sat up, clutching my stomach, my other hand looking for something else.

"Did you have to use me to dent the roof Palpatine?" I groaned, my other hand finding what it was looking for.

"I thought you were going to attack my sister, if you are seriously hurt I am sorry." the white one replied, an apologetic smile creeping across her face. I paused. What the actual fuck? I just smashed her against a wall, blew up another wall, hijacked a train then sent it off a cliff and she said sorry? I thought it was gonna be like cut off my hands or something. Huh.

"I am not injured too bad. But guess what?" I said, grasping the item I so desperately needed.

"I will not play your games." the white one said, her face turning into a frown again.

"It wasn't my game." I deadpanned, yanking out the potion and pouring the contents into the only hole in my helmet, the eyes. I instantly felt better and because of this I activated my magic, the purple aura surrounding me once more. The white one lit up the horn on her head and so did the blue one. "Guess what?" I asked again.

"WHAT?" the blue one yelled before slapping a hoof over her mouth.

"Frogs."

Author's Note:

Well that was fun to write. Hope you enjoy it, and by now you probably know that this story is going to be a straight up rivalry between the Blacksmith and Equestria, and he won't stop until that castle is crashed. Until next time readers!