• Published 25th Feb 2014
  • 3,259 Views, 123 Comments

My A** is Frozen - Joshleb1098

"Follow the cosplayers of the Lich King and Lelouch vi Britannia on their journey to take over Equestria."

  • ...

Chapter Zero (Pun Intended)

I have made a long journey. My goal is as simple as it gets. My reasons, however... even I don't fully understand.

In truth, that has never been in question. What is, simply... is.

I am the Lich King. What more is there to say?


Me and my younger brother decided to go to ComicCon this year. I was a huge Warcraft fan, and he was a straight-up anime nerd, and we both decided to go in costume. He was Lecrotch the British Prince of the Vatican or something wierd like that, and said just to call him Zero. But me? I was the goddamn Lich King.

So there I was, sitting in my room, using my 3D printer and scraps of clothes I had just torn apart to put together my badass armor. It wasn't easy, and it looked as ragged as you could imagine it would, but it kinda worked. It looked spot on to be sure, with skulls all over the place, one pauldron spiked and the other not, and the colors all just right. I had an ashen cape to cover all the flaws with the back, and it was one of the only things that looked awesome. You couldn't even tell that it used to be a bathrobe. But it still looked a bit, well, crappy.

I printed out Frostmourne afterwards, almost an exact replica. It was kinda wobbly though, and it didn't match the costume at all 'cause I colored it too brightly. It was better than nothing, though - can't be the Lich King without the Frostmourne. As soon as that was done, my door opened wide.

“Really, Dave? You used your 3D printer? I knew you were cheap, but I didn't know you'd go that low,” Frank, my brother said as he walked into the room. He had a tailor make his costume. It looked pretty good - a purple suit with jagged yellow lines all about. He was wearing this huge black cape with a red inside and gold trim, and the collar of it extended to above his head. Covering his entire head - completely - was a black helmet that basically shouted "I'm an evil overlord." All told, he looked like royalty. I most certainly did not.

“Hey, what works, works. Plus, I'll actually have money left for the Con.” I lifted my plastic sword up at him. "What the heck does your guy do, anyway? Headbutt enemies to death?"

“No, he does this,” He replied as a little slot of his helmet opened. His left eye had a red contact lens with a peculiar symbol around his pupil. “The power of Geass, the ability to make someone to do whatever you command them to do.” He pridefully added, "This lens was not easy to get."

“Dang, you went all the way with your costume.” I felt really inferior now. But hey, at least my character was cooler. "But my power's better. Can't really top an undead legion, can you?"

“Zero led a rebel group called the Black Knights, and they had giant mechs called Knightmares, and fought against an empire that owned one third of the world. So who’d win, a bunch of zombies or a bunch of giant mechs?” He had me there.

Anyways, a couple hours of pointless nerding later, we arrived at the Con for even more hours of pointless nerding. It was a lot of fun, but I think I'll spare the details. There is only one important thing that was relevant to now. And that one thing is the sword.

There was a Warcraft booth that sold figurines and costume items and posters. Among the items sold there was a Frostmourne sword, and it was way better than the one I had - for one thing, it was an actual sword. Another, it was actually softly, almost imperceptibly glowing light blue. And, well, I had to have it. The vendor seemed conflicted about selling it, but my wallet was particularly heavy, so we came to an expensive agreement. I didn't much care about the price of it, I just needed that amazing sword.

When I put my hands on it, I immediately noticed that it was freezing cold. It was a bit heavy for being as small as it was, but still kinda light. The blade had ice blue runes along the middle of it that glowed in an unnatural way. I got really curious about the sword, and was about to ask the merchant why it was so strange, when Frank came back from wherever he had run off to.

"Dave, something's up," he said from under his helmet.

"What is it?" I couldn't see his face, and I couldn't tell if he sounded worried or giddy.

"Well, everyone's acting wierd. Like, really wierd."
I raised a brow, which wasn't clearly seen because of my own helmet, and said, "How so?"

"Okay, whenever I talk to someone with my helmet off, they do exactly what I say. At first, I thought they were messing with me because of the Geass thing, but then I asked a guy to punch a stranger in the gut, and he did, and they got in a fight and were kicked out. And then I told someone to give me his wallet and jump out of a second story window, and he did! He was okay, and I gave the wallet back to him, but he actually did that. And finally, just to make sure, half an hour ago I told some chick that if she drank any Mountain Dew, she'd fall unconcious for an hour. She bought one a little bit after that and took a sip, and, well," he pointed over his shoulder at a chair behind one of the booths, where someone was snoring loudly with Mountain Dew all over her and on the floor. She didn't seem to be pretending.

If you're quick, you can take her somewhere quiet and kill her.
'What the fuck,' I thought, in response to the voice in my head that had made its opinions known.
Just saying.

... 'What.'

"I just wanted to see if it worked. You don't have to stare at me like that, I wasn't gonna do anything." Huh? Oh, right, Frank.

"Oh, yeah, I know. That really is strange. Maybe you should keep the mask on, just in case - besides, nobody wants to see your ugly face."

Well, the rest of the day was not a normal one. We stuck together, and every once in a while Frank would open his visor and give a random person a random order - mostly it was taking pictures, but he threw in a few strange ones. He really wasn't kidding when he said they'd do anything, and it was an incredible sight to behold. From spontaneous circus acts to incredibly elaborate pranks, everything seemed to go exactly as he'd order it to. And we also got to talk about my brand new Frostmourne, and how it may also be a source of strangeness. After all, no normal sword radiates frost enough to flash-freeze a soda can. Which, by the way, actually happened.
"Yeah, there's another thing, too," I said to Frank as we watched some dude stack a wall of cards and hide in his little fort.
Why haven't you gotten someone to kill themselves yet?

"I've been hearing a voice in my head that's been trying to get me to kill people. And no, I'm not just screwing around. I actually am hearing that." The whole day, that voice hasn't stopped insisting on random homocide. I don't even know where it came from or why it wants this so badly, but that didn't change the facts.

"How long has that been going on?" he asked.

"Ever since you told me what was happening with your mind control. Actually, that was right after I bought this thing," I said as I showed him the sword.

"Hmm," Frank hmm'd. "Have you tried asking it what it is?"

That one, I hadn't actually expected. I really don't know why I don't think of such things.

"No, I haven't. Gimme a second."
'Hey, voice of murderous intentions? You there?' I thought, hoping the voice could hear me.

Yes, I'm here.

'So... what are you?'

I'm your new voice of reason, Dave.

"That's... it just said it's my new voice of reason." Frank chuckled pretty hard at that, and between gasps, said to ask where it came from.

I am currently residing within Frostmourne. As for where I'm from, well... Hmm... You could do it. Yes, how about you see for yourself?

'And how would I go about doing that?' I thought to it.

And then, a rush of detail came into my head. Words in a language I couldn't comprehend came into my head, thoughts and images I couldn't make sense of flooded in, and after a few seconds, I knew I gained knowledge of something, but I had no idea what any of it was or where to start deciphering it.

There you go, my most prized sorcery. Don't bother understanding it. Just focus on it, and say 'dimension rip.'
"I bet I'm going crazy. Frank, it's asking me to cast a spell. Should I do it?"

Frank, who had ordered a group of teenagers to do a breakdance battle against eachother, felt like he could believe anything now. Why not believe his older brother? "Go for it, then. As long as it isn't Death Coil."

"Hah, I don't think it is. If this doesn't work, I'm gonna look like an idiot." A breakdancer clumsily pushed himself in a circle on his head, barely lifting his knees off the ground. "But not more of an idiot than him. Alright, here goes."

I closed my eyes, and thought hard on the strangeness that got into my mind. It came forth almost on it's own, and I grabbed Frank's arm as an afterthought.

"Dimension rip," I barely muttered. It was enough.

With a glow from Frostmourne and a flash from our own bodies, we straight-up disappeared. Gone, just like that. Onlookers came in hordes and breakdancers conceeded a draw to wonder just where the hell those two cosplayers went.

Well, you guys know where we went.

Author's Note:

So, honest opinions?

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