STORY IS IN THE PROCESS OF BEING REWRITTEN. PARDON THE MESS.
Beyond the well-known realms of Equestria, a far-flung visitor from a forgotten land will face his incredible fate as he comes across a strange purple creature imbued with the ability to use magic. Through great moments of acceptance, trials of pain, and heart-rending tragedy, both will learn that no matter where you hail from, the magic of friendship holds a power all its own, and that whether or not you have one horn or two, every creature is connected through everlasting bonds that cut through eternity itself.
Cover art graciously provided by *SonicRainboom93 on deviantArt
Chapters (21)
This seems interesting.
Personally?
I thought it was excellent. I really look forward to reading more of this, and good writing to you!
Wonderful. Keep at it, this deserves more attention, and I hope it gets it.
Awesome- I'm looking forwards to seeing where this goes.
Loving this so far.
Thanks for the good feedback guys, I really appreciate to hear you like the story!
I promise not to disappoint
cool story, brony
You're awesome and you should feel awesome.
Absolute beautiful piece of literature my good sir.
Wait, Twilight thinks Ento lied to her, but wasn't he just as misinformed?
420674>
Indeed he was. But she has no exact way of knowing that, does she? This will stir things up for later chapters... Just you wait
Keep writing, I'm always looking forward to your updates!
Me too!
My beloved readers:
I am considering putting chapters 7-12 into a single chapter to streamline this story. The chapters will not be edited in any major way, but will, together, be a hefty 7,800+ word monster. I will be dividing them into five parts, each aptly named for its individual character.
For the sake of space and neatness, what do you think?
OOHHH!!!! I like monsters! But....on the other hand, I like being able to find my spot without scrolling much. It takes too much time! I have important things to do like make......uh....toast? What do you think, Chives?
Well, sir, having the chapters condensed could certainly assist continuity, as the writing suggests that 7-12 are essentially a single chapter anyway, merely scattered across multiple chapters for convenience. It would certainly decrease the amount of space the chapters take to display which could make the story less daunting when new readers discover it. On the other hand, nearly 8000 word is quite a lot to read without a break, and finding the specific spot where a reader stopped could be problematic. In addition, new readers may find the large chapter in an already hefty story too daunting and be driven away.
While the benefits and deficits of each plan mostly balance out, it is my opinion that leaving the chapters as they are would be best as it would allow for more breaks. The slight distraction of changing web pages every 1500 words or so could assist in maintaining reader interest, and large tasks such as reading the aforementioned chapters become much easier when broken down into easily manageable segments. Despite the divisions within the mega-chapter, it would still be observed as a single large task as opposed to six much smaller tasks. Thus it is my opinion that the chapters should be left as they are.
.......Yes, what Chives said.
ohhh, the puzzle is slowly coming together
Which is something I feared, since you quickly resolved the mystery between the two countries and I thought that it would take a lot of suspense out of the story, but thankfully you avoided that by mentioning Ento's relationship to Twi
So all I can say right now is good work
Nice work again
, though I think the pace of this chapter was a bit rushed, with celestia and luna suddenly appearing like that without any warning
'like a baby blanket a philly would hold on to when the terrors of the darkest night intruded on their dream'
I didn't know they knew about Philadelphians in Equestria.
Just kidding, I think you meant filly.
435698 The pair was supposed to come out of nowhere, like a bolt of lightning. Last thing Twilight knows, she's been caught in the trap of a spider! (being myself, as the all-seeing author) Besides, if you were Celestia and an angry mob appeared randomly at a town that you already know has weird things happening at it, wouldn't you drop by to see what's going on?
435971 Oh god why, I imagined a large, balding and very hairy grown man clinging to a blanket when I read your correction
This story
this story right here
Very well written
EDIT: I Dropped chapters 7-12 into three new chapters entitled Entrance: Parts 1-3. I think the flow of all six originally went together quite well in groups of two (e.g. SpikexRarity, RDxPinkie Pie, FluttershyxAJ), while helping to not make that 8000 word monster I had been dreading.
If you love it, all the better. If you absolutely hate it, go ahead and let me know what you think!
I appreciate all the feedback you guys give.
Shit's about to hit the fan.
amazing chapter as always.
I`m excited to see Ento`s reaction to Twilight
D'awwwwwww
no I don't think you understand
D'awwwwwwwwww
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I was concerned it might get way too cheesy
Hopefully I avoided that?
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Cheesy or not this is a story definitely! worth reading!
Tracked!...or what you call it now-a-days!
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Thanks!
Now, if this ending weren't such a bitch to work out, I'd have it all done by now.
Oh no you fucking didn't!
Man.
Come on.
Man.
...
...
...
...
...
...
... dead... she is... she is dead...
you... will... PAY!!!!!!
572597>>572690>>573826
This tale is not yet finished, my dear readers. Take heed!
You killed them!
Everyone's gonna be mad
Nice use of the cover image if I am not mistaken
I'm Commander Shepard, and I approve of this fic.
To all of my loyal readers, and to those who I have yet to know:
This story has been an incredible roller coaster of thoughts, feelings, desires, agony, and passion. I may or may not come back and re-write, seeing as I do have a few ideas for another intro, and I know the story can get a bit choppy at times. Nevertheless, I certainly hope you enjoyed it very nearly as much as I did, and I hope as well that you will come away from this whole thing with something of a change of heart.
There is, after all, a bit of a spark of Ento and Twilight in us all, I think.
Sincerely and forever yours,
Sabre
Beautiful
Come on man, hold it in... hold it in...
Oh who am I kidding?!
So many manly tears, and I have to congratulate you on an amazing fic. I loved it from the start, and can't wait to see what else you come up with.
Good luck!
-Jorofrarie
It was a good read, really, but I'm kind of disappointed that Twilight stays dead, never to see her friends again, which thereby puts Equestria'a national security at risk.
Plus, Ento won't remember shit, so even when they meet, it wouldn't really matter.
Kind of a downer ending, don'tcha think?
You make me sad...
Good ending though.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't bucking cry, do-BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWW
I love you're story, and the ending couldn't have been better.
Why didn't Ento stay with Twi for all eternity
I think I know the perfect music for a tear jerking goodbye like this one.
Though, granted, the context was different originally,but it just SCREAMS tear jerking goodbyes. What do you think, Sabre?
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Thank you for the insight. I added a little edit to address this.
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I like it, and I do think it fits quite well with the ending.
649898 I know right? There's just something about that piece that just...
Demon/Goat/Ponies alright I can roll with that.
GODDAMMIT I hate you so much right now. You just had to do it. WHY??? WHY??? why can't they be together? Your probably gonna say something like "Well I wanted it to be realistic" or something like that. If that's reality then I'm staying as far away as I can possibly get. I love happy endings and don't see why everybody can't have one? If that's 'Reality' I vote to kill it with extreme prejudice. Anyway I think that whole spirit cycle thing would get very droll. I mean with the same souls going around all the time its like recycling stale air *ugh*. It makes for a very stifling realm. The only 'good' things I have to say is it was very well written. I liked the storyline and just about the whole thing. The ending though.... sigh. It contaminated the whole story for me. Your a sadistic bastard you know. You must really hate Twilight and Ento. You have the power of god over this story and you give them the worst fate possible. There is nothing that comes close to being separated from your True Love for all eternity.
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Before you ask me why, ask yourself why not?
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Because making ponies(anyone really) sad is evil. You just gave them an eternity of sadness with some good every 80 or so years. How can you see their crying faces at the funeral. You had the power to change that. You could give them the happiest ending every yet you gave them a living hell instead.
Also read the whole comment before. Anyway I think that whole spirit cycle thing would get very droll. I mean with the same souls going around all the time its like recycling stale air *ugh*. It makes for a very stifling realm. whats your comment on that?
689254
Is it really an eternity of sadness? Remember, Twilight chose to stay there. She sacrificed herself to save Ento so that he could continue on in previous lives. Sacrificing everything you can for a loved one is no new concept. Remember the part where Twilight decides she won't cry again?
"A silent tear rolled down her face. The last one she would ever shed, she decided firmly." ?
She knew what she was doing. She didn't have to give up her key for Ento, could have said, "well, sorry about that," and continued on. The choice she made was sad and upsetting, yes, but she did it with confidence and in the face of adversity. And isn't that why we all love our little ponies? Because they experience and show human emotions like sadness, remorse, and love?
And the afterlife? I always was curious about how reincarnation worked, and I thought that there must have been a medium between the two lives where you probably remember every life past and you visit one another. The thought of "eternally paired souls" always tickled my fancy, as well. So I suppose that, in a way, it could get stale, but in the way I presented it, I hope that it will not seem that way.
On another note, the fact that the ending affected you so much means alot to me. It means my writing is actually worth it's weight in apples.
689254
Ya It's a good story. I just think the whole separation for eternity shouldn't have been needed. It seems extreme in all sense of the word. Eternity is forever ya know. Sacrificing not seeing a lover for 99% of that time seems a VERY high price to pay for something a measly as peace for even a couple million(trillion even) years. Eternity is far more then that. It's an infinite amount. The scales seems to be balances a infinite amount more towards bad then the good that came from it. Eternity is worth more then anything. I think if you wanted a more realistic ending and kept the whole stuck in eternity thing you could've had them both stay. That would far more acceptable and even believable if their love was even somewhat strong. Hell if that happened to me all's I'd want is to stay together forever no matter where.