Button's life so far can be summed up as 'Eat. Sleep. Game.' This begins to change when the new school year starts.
My name is Button Mash and I like video games. I have this bad habit of playing before doing "important" stuff like homework and sleeping. One time I even took it so far as to not sleep at all the night before school started. Can you really blame me though? I was so excited I couldn't sleep.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good, but it needs more detail.
Ahhh, I thought that was really sweet! If you put in a little more effort this could be a nice short series. Also a great ship!
Not a bad start. I'm prettty supportive of any ButtonBelle shipping. You may want to put some kind of line or divider between scenes like in the beginning where you go from Button's house to the Crusaders walking to school.
not bad could use some work, have u considered getting an editor?
3982487 No I haven't. This first part was meant to be more like an experiment than anything else, just to see if people liked it and what kind of criticism I would receive for posting this.
3982646 It was good i'll give u that, but im a sucker for this shipping so u get 4 moustaches
Author, thanks for the story. Can't for the second chapter.
Only things that didn't work for me in this chapter were Button calling his mom "mum", which I guess means you're British, but is a little jarring since Button is more American than British; also, there was a tense issue at the beginning:
Should be:
This bit could be further refined, but the tense inconsistency is the most blaring problem.
Good work! And congrats on getting into the "Popular" category, that's how I found this.
3986172 Wow, I actually failed the english language right there.
I'm Australian
I'll try to have it fixed in the next chapter which I intend on submitting by next week.
Oh, by the way, part about being British.
3986427
Almost the same thing as far as language goes... You both say "mum" instead of "mom". ;)
Another tense issue. Should be "showed".
Only other problem I had with this chapter is the occasional chiming in via parentheses. Doesn't seem professional to me, and it breaks immersion.
4001221 Yeah, I didn't think I got that one right.
With the parentheses I was just trying to keep the comedy in this story, if there even is any to begin with.
Anyway, I'll try my best to improve considering this is the first story I have written that I have decided to write.
Thanks
4002017 By first story you wrote yourself, I assume you mean other than collabs or something like that, right? I'd say you're doing a fine job! Everyone makes mistakes - as long as you don't ignore them and correct them when you can, that's all anyone could ask of an author.
4003914 Well, the only other stories I wrote that I can think of, I never finished and were assigned to me for school work. This is practically the first story I have written in the sense that I have wanted to do and can actually think of situations between the characters.
F YOU DIAMOND TIRA
Where is chapter 3??? I love this story! :)
4132543
Chapter 3 will be coming out when I can find enough time to write it. So far that means sometime this week
50th like! You deserve it for a good fic!
Epic fic. Write chapter 3 when you want to, but have a positive comment for support!
4245669 I a green can't wait for chapter 3!
cute
He will adjust.
can't wait for the next chapter
pointlessness gained
100% pointlessness
my life is now piointless
4004448 how long will it take to make a new chapter?
my brother was like, "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" and i also said, "I know right! they are SOO cute!"
btw I ship Button x Sweetie Belle
earned a like and favorite!
4414327 meh too
4414327
boy i wonder when thats going to happen.