The sixth doctor and his companion, Peri, land in Equestria. Now, in their new pony bodies, they are forced to stay there and help the ponies with various problems that are plaguing the land.
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Nevermind1
Joined 21st Jul, 2013 ·
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A couple of issues I have here:
1) Your not capitalising the Doctor's name. It is Doctor with a capital "D" because it's his name. The same applies to anyone's name. Credit though, you've spelt Time Lord right, a lot of people tend to get that wrong.
2) Describe the scene more. Most of this is dialogue with little description of how their acting or what's around them. Far too little detail.
3) The dialogue is fine, but it feels very exposition heavy due to a lack of description.
I commend you doing a story based on a rarely used Doctor, and I hope you understand I'm putting this because I'd love to see this story succeed. You'll need to put in some work though for that to happen. Perhaps invest in an editor?
- Infinite
3986753
Other than what Mr. Carnage said, this is pretty darn good.
3986753 You know, I always wondered about that first point, thanks for telling me
3986924 Your welcome. I'll check back with this story to see how it's coming along.
3986753 And, actually, the reason I made this story is because of how little this doctor appeares on this website, so it's nice to see others noticed that too.