• Published 5th Mar 2014
  • 2,273 Views, 82 Comments

Brony in Black - Gray Compass



Rescuing stupid humans from Equestria, and saving ponies from psychopaths. That's part of our job.

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Oh Lyra...

Brony in Black

Afternoon in Central Park; the perfect time to hang out with your friends, chat, appreciate the beautiful Manhattan view, and also-

Walk around with a magical cane in your hands searching for an alien psychopathic pony. A unicorn to be more precise. Oh Lyra, why? Why have you decided to visit us, today?

"Did you get something in your cane?" Agent J2 asked me, changing the settings of his equipment.

"Not yet." I sighed.

I probably never told you about all the utilities of the Twicanelyzer, did I? Very well, thanks to Princess Twilight, this special tool in enhanced with pretty much everything you need to deal with ponies and magical beings in general. But surely, one of its key apps is undoubtedly the PonyFinder.

No, it's not a relationship website, but an advanced detector system similar to a radar of sorts, the big difference is that PonyFinder utilizes the magical energy traces left behind by Equestrian creatures.

And that's the reason behind our bizarre, and almost nonsensical actions. Such as walking around the park while pointing the Twicanelyzers to the sky. It worked as an antenna, if you wanna know.

"J2... Man, don't you think the police will get suspicious about... Well, this??" I pointed to him, which now just paced in circles around a tree.

"Not at all, they believe this is some kind of bomb detector. Don't worry S, if shit happens, we can still make use of the mind eraser tool. What we can't do now, is let the pony escape from this place."

I just nodded, turning around to check another area. Well, if that's how it's going to be, I better start acting like an idiot too. I picked up my tool, and resumed my walk towards the old oak bridge. The unicorn won't find herself.


My morning? Well, it was gone, and it dragged away my afternoon too. Now the night was falling over our heads, together with a slightly uncomfortable wind, and we still couldn't find the damned pony!

I stopped on my tracks, observing the city lights at distance, and the thought of a hot cup of coffee, probably waiting for me in a nearby cafe. The cane was beeping sporadically, and I sincerely didn't knew what to do anymore.

"Ahhh, for Christ's sake! J2, this can't be possible dude, this shit must be broken!" The Twicanelyzer suddenly started to beep incessantly, showing clear signals of magical energy around us, despite the fact that there was no Lyra to be seen.

"I really don't know what too say, it never acted this way before... It's pointing up to the sky, but I don't think she could have turned herself into a pegasus. Or could she?" He frowned.

"I'm not thinking about wings... I'm certainly more worried about the possibility of this thing leaving Central Park. It's not that difficult considering that this place has- I don't know, dozens of entrances?" I prayed to god I was wrong. New York as one of the largest and populous cities in the world, was surely one of the worst places to perform a successful search operation. I thought about every corner, every alley, every single human Lyra could find. And there were over 9 million of them out there in the megalopolis.

I don't want to think about what would happen if she ever reached Times Square.

We leaned against a tree, our necks ached as hell from all the ups and downs of the day. Literally and metaphorically.

I sighed "I don't know what to-" I was interrupted, as something fell over my head with a thump. "Ouch!" We turned our heads to look at tree right behind us. A heavy and large acorn had just fallen onto my head.

Have you ever had one of those weird insights? Random inspirations? A moment of illumination? Call it whatever you want. Personally, I just felt like Newton when the apple landed on his head. The difference of course was the acorn, the tree, and almost everything, but that's not the case.

I stared at agent J2 with the weirdest smile stamped on my face, looking back and forth to the cane, faintly beeping inside my jacket and the acorn by my side.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked, my smile growing even more.

"Ah... That the acorn hit your head harder than I expected?" Ignoring his commentary, I stood up and opened my arms, turning around my feet like a ballet dancer. Okay, it may have looked a little bit gay, but whatever.

"What do you see around us, J2?" I asked.

He thought for a while, then answered "I see... trees?"

"YES!" I screamed "Thousands of trees! They were around us all the time, and we don't even noticed!"

"Agent S, I don't think I'm understanding your point-" He pressed his temples.

"My point? She must be on the trees! The only plausible explanation for this, is that the unicorn stuck herself somewhere inside the tree tops" I stated. J2 thought for a while, he was tired as well, so his mind wouldn't think that fast. His eyes observing the trees around us, as he stood up from his spot.

The older agent evaluated the scene one more time, then stopped by my side. "Well, congratulations agent S, you have a good point there, still, being it true or not we still have a problem."

"Yeah, I know, the missing pony."

"That's a problem too, but I was thinking about something else, and it's a very 'numerous' problem - If you could say that..." J2 rested an arm on my shoulder.

"Just how many trees, do you think there are in Central Park?"


"Agent S, I don't feel comfortable with this. H-hey wait, I'm your superior!" He squirmed under the dark blanket roughly wrapped around his body, except for one of his hands.

"Hey, you was the one who said she had this creepy hand fetish!" I picked up a considerably large flashlight inside the car, along with the massive magic inhibitor gun that J2 smartly decided to bring with us.

"Yes, but I never allowed you to use me as a bait!"

Okay, you might be wondering 'What the hell is just happening', and I have a quite simple answer; Lyra is fascinated by human hands, and we have the hands she want!

There was a spare fire proof blanket inside the car, it was dark and large enough to hide something - or someone. So I just thought: 'Hey, why don't I force J2 to run around the park, while I highlight those beautiful fingers of him, with a pretty light?'

Sounds like a stupid plan, I know, but just between us; We're dealing with Lyra Heartstrings.

"Come on J2, swallow your veteran pride just for a couple of minutes and let's catch this unicorn! I still wanna get home before midnight." He muttered something under the mantle, but fortunately, his voice was muffled thanks to the cloth thickness. So I couldn't understand most of his curses.

"Think positively, my friend; the worst that could happen to you is some unwanted licks on your fingers!" I chuckled, and thanked god for that soundproof mantle.


"Raise your hands John! I think I listened something coming from that tree" I whispered on the radio. "Go go go, walk. I'm right behind you"

As we practically crawled through the tick bushes and foliage, the cane beeped louder and louder inside my pocket. 'She must be here somewhere...' I thought.

Like an eagle, I inspected every single branch thoroughly, looking for my prey. Agent J2 looked like something escaped from the asylum; all wrapped in his blanket, while shaking the only visible hand in the air.

A loud rustle coming from a nearby treetop made us halt; I sharply turned my head to look at it and spotted a dark figure perched over the branches of an old oak.

'Dammit, she's here, I need a quick, clever and calculated plan.'

"OH MY GOD IS THAT A HAND RIGHT THERE?" I screamed and pointed the flashlight beam at agent J2 hand. Yes, I admit it was stupid, but as I said, we're dealing with-

"Hands?"

Lyra...

Sure, at first I doubted that my 'plan' would cause any positive effects, but the unicorn completely ignored my presence and instinctively threw herself over- "Get the fuck off me" Agent J2.

"b]Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod, sweet Faust, I knew it, I knew I would get one!" Lyra shouted, while grabbing his hand with a hoof. "I can finally explore this marvelous apparatus!" Yes, as expected the unicorn knocked him on the ground. On a split of second she unwrapped the blanket of his body, and tied the agent limbs with a magical knot.

"AGENT S, GET THIS CREATURE OUT OF ME!!" Fine... I already had my fun.

While the crazy unicorn entertained herself with his fingers, I lifted the magical inhibitor from my back and aimed at her. 'Say good bye to your magic'

I fired; the recoil made my shoulders wobble as if a boulder had just fallen over my back, a strong electrical pulse left the gun, lightning the woods, and then, it dispersed in mid air. "What the hell! Where did she wen-"

"S, RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

Something crashed against my neck. "Well well well, what do we have here?!" She wrapped her hooves around my head, I shook my body violently, trying to disentangle myself of her.

I tried to fire over my shoulder - unsuccessfully. Every time I shot, she just teleported out of the gun range like a ghost. And I thought catching unicorns was an easy task...

"Stop- Doing- This- Silly human" Lyra said while dodging the gunfire, she finally popped out right in front of me and grasped one of my legs, throwing me off balance.

"Whoaaa!" I collapsed on the ground, the gun slipped away from my hands.

"Now Now..." She climbed on top of me "What delicious finges you have!"

"Ewwwwwwwww, let me go your weird-" *BOOM*

Everything went silent as her body limply fell on the ground as a dry leaf. I turned my head to the side, and spotted agent J2 with the smoking gun in his hands.

"D-did you killed her??" I stood up abruptly and hurriedly checked the pony in front of me expecting the worst.

He just giggled.

"Don't worry, she's fine. At least I think so... I was forced to use the max power of this thing." Placing the Magic Inhibitor back on its place, he sighed. "Lyra is sleeping, that's all. At least for a while." Picking up the blanket, he wrapped it around the unicorn unconscious body, and lifted her like a baby.

Dammit, I almost suffered a heart attack when he shot her. I like ponies, I really do, that's why I accepted the job in the first place. The last thing I wanted was a dead one in my first mission.

"She looks so lovely and innocent this way." I said, Lyra quietly snoring on his arms "And, what do we do now?" I asked.

"Well, now we have to drive back to the base, and send her home with another memory lapse..." As we headed to the car, I checked my clock; It was almost 10 pm. Heck, not even a mobster takes this long to get captured by the cops.

Placing the mint green pony on the backseat, we got inside the vehicle. Booth of us sighing. Fuck it, we sighed as hell today.

"So, that was surely the day!" We giggled.

"Yeah agent S, It was a hard one. Don't let it put your expectations down though, you just had the misfortune of meeting her on your first day." He pointed over his shoulder to the unicorn. "What do you say S - we had a helluva job today, I give you a day off tomorrow, okay?"

"Sweet Jesus Christ, thank you! I mean... Well that's okay for me." We laughed, yes... We could laugh for a while, at least until the next-

*BIP* *BIP* *BIP* *BIP*

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