• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Never2muchpinkie


Just your average brony who enjoys writing stories.

T
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The idea for this darker spinoff of MLD was based on Celestia's comment from the original story: "When I realized where you ended up, I expected the worst. I figured you to be ruined, tainted and tarnished from this world's cruelty."

Through an accident of circumstance Rainbow Dash is transported to another world. However, her first encounter with a human isn't a loving brony, but a cruel sadistic human who sees her only as a chance for a big payday.

Since the subject matter is darker and writing about filly abuse isn't my thing Rainbow gets transported as is with her memories intact. No cute little filly here.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 51 )

Just so that you know, My Little Dashie spinoffs generally aren't well received. You'll probably get a bunch of spam down votes from people who haven't even read the story. But I did read some of it, so you get an upvote for on me! :pinkiehappy: Good luck in your writing!

~Doc

3975072 Feh. Well, that's good to know. This reminds me of a friend I have who has an alicorn OC and is a good writer with her character. It's unfair bias when people won't even give it a chance. Since this really doesn't have any DIRECT correlation to the original story, maybe I should remove that part of the title. But then I wouldn't know what to call it. So be it. I'll just have to deal.

3975105

Yeah, one of my first fics had an alicorn OC and it got down voted into oblivion. People didn't even read to realize that the OC was actually the villain of the story...

It happens. But keep writing, and love and tolerate the haters! Yeah, that did sound as cheesy on screen as it did in my head. Oh well! :moustache:

~Doc

3975116 I wasn't even aware of alicorn OC bias when I read her story. She had done me the honor of reading my fanfic, so I decided to read hers as repayment. The most important thing for me is whether a story is entertaining. Whether it has an alicorn as the main character is irrelevant, and that sort of downvoting without reading just makes hypocrites of any brony who preaches love and tolerate.

Well, while we're on the subject let me give a shameless plug to my only other story on this site right now. So far it's received all upvotes and everyone is saying they like it. One word of warning though. It's about a two to two and a half hour read. It's a fic told from Scootaloo's point of view about growing up, becoming sisters with Rainbow Dash and learning to shine with her own light instead of hovering behind her shadow.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/169912/scootaloos-growth-from-baby-to-champion

Actually, I just don't know why this story has so many dislikes. I have to admit, that I was sceptical in the first place too, but I decided to give it a chance (since I haven't cried Niagara Falls on "My Little Dashie", just found it a little, nice and pretty story but nothing more).
And it was a very good decision. I really sufferd with Rainbow in the first chapter, was worried and almost lost hope with her, but then you build in that great idea with that nice guy who is helping her. That makes the fic not extremly sad, instead, it gives hope and let the story grow into something bigger. At least I hope that, while I'm patiently waiting for the next chapter :twilightsheepish:

Mah, I hope my comment makes any kind of sense, it's not that easy to write down your thoughts, when english isn't your native language :ajsmug:

But thanks anyways for that wonderful story and gret idea! :twilightsmile:

Greetings from Germany
Chiyo :raritywink:

3981797 Well, like the guy below commented people don't seem to care for my little dashie spinoffs and probably didn't give it a chance before disliking it. Things will get sadder and a bit darker before it finishes, but I never end any of my stories on a depressing note because I hate that myself. I'm almost done with the next chapter, so I hope you'll enjoy it. After that is only one more chapter so 4 in total.

3975116
I had a black and purple pegasus OC that got downvotes because gangster and overflow racism from black-and-red alicorn hate. I thought she was a pretty well-defined character, but 2 likes versus 53 dislikes in an hour is pretty hard to argue with.

I gave it a thumbs up for the writing. I like the story so far. But, for the most part, most bronies who down vote are basement dwellers who get butt hurt when they're favorite pastel ponies aren't their waifus or something. So I wouldn't take down votes too hard. You're a good writer and that's what matters. It's not the best story I read on here but it is faaaaaaaar from the worst. Hopefully Henry has a good ending.

4023463
Now hold on just a second, I am all for liking a story, but to say that anyone that criticizes this story is some basement dweller is a very absented minded and down right asinine thing to say. Sure there might be some that dislikes this story because they preferred the original but you can't sit there and claim that any criticism is from basement dwelling no-lives.

4023556 Well, even as the author I can't disagree with that. It is too much of a generalization. However, given my other story has all thumbs up I can't help but feel that at least some of the hate is from what the very first commenter on this story said, that people look down on MLD spinoffs the same way they do Alicorn OC's. It could be that they don't like the abuse I gave to Rainbow and making it look like she died at the end of the first chapter. It's not my best story, but it's slowly coming to a head.

4023556 Ooops. I just wrote myself into a corner and have to change something. I switched the time frames. Equestrian time is supposed to be slower than human world time, but I made it faster. Rainbow has a little unfinished business in the human world for the final two chapters, so she has to stay an extra day. But that would mean a month with no Celestia or the EOH in Equestria. Maybe I'll say that Celestia got Twilight to calm down and think of a plan, so Twilight hit the brainwave on the EOH after only an hour, changing the conversion rate to 3 human world hours=1 Equestrian hour.

4029500 What am I supposed to be holding against you? You're agreeing with my stance and upvoted my story. Unless you typo'd and meant to write, "I'm just NOT going to read this" instead of "I'm just got going to read this"

And if thats the case I encourage you to do read it. Although Rainbow Dash does get injured, it's nothing excessive. I don't write stories with unnecessary or rampant cruelty. It's nothing on the level of Cupcakes, I assure you. It IS my little dashie, of a sort, but just with a darker atmosphere, and the second chapter does introduce the character who replaces the brony from the original story. And although it's marked as dark, it shifts between light and dark to avoid the story being depressing, because I don't like flat out depressing stories either. Well, that's the case I can make for my story. If you like Scootaloo fics than you can read a brighter story of mine that so far everyone has upvoted it.

I write my stories for fun too, but I'm sure we can agree that we'd like to get more upvotes than downvotes. And with this latest chapter I finally shifted the balance to more up's than down's, which feels good and makes me glad I pushed this story forward because at least some people are getting enjoyment out of it, which is the whole reason I post my stories in the first place: to entertain.

4038648 I'm assuming you just finished the first chapter by that comment. Don't worry. She lives. It wouldn't be a proper MLD spinoff if she didn't.

As you've obviously heard, MLD spinoffs get hated on principle more than they would on merit. I strongly dislike that behavior. You'd get an up vote from me for that reason alone. But I also liked what you've done with this story, so you get an up vote for sure.
I did notice some errors though. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me pointing them out. :twistnerd:
I'm actually fighting some OCD on this but thought I'd ask before leaving a list. :twilightblush:
Looking forward to reading the rest of this as soon as I get the time. :moustache:

4039048 I don't mind some help improving my stories, but are you talking about spelling mistakes or something like Twilight wasn't an Alicorn in the original story. I do proofread my stories at least once before posting, but I do always miss a few things here and there. I'm glad you're enjoying it so far, and I hope you like where the story goes. :pinkiesmile:

4039560 *bows several times* Thank you. Thank you. I hope to continue to impress and entertain you with my writing. Thanks for the watch. :pinkiesmile: :twilightsmile:

4039048 I don't know how many you think you're seeing but I think to avoid cluttering the comment page it would be best to send any corrections you think it needs to my inbox. Much obliged. I'd never turn down a request to help me improve my works. Another user commented on a certain plot point of my other story on here, and made a good point. It led me to add another chapter after the original end of the story, along with another on the way that I'm really happy about, and the people who have commented on it really love it too. So, please, constructive criticism and additional proof-readers are always a plus to me. :pinkiesmile:

I HATE human-to-pony stories! But this one really has me intrigued!!!:rainbowkiss: I don't know why all those losers disliked it!? :derpytongue2:

4043948 Well it technically doesn't count as that, since no humans become ponies or go to the pony world. Did you mean just human world/pony world crossovers in general?

I hope you continue to enjoy the story as you go along. It gets a little sad along the way, but things work out for the best in the end, though you may not see it that way.

4018104 would somepony PLEASE explain why a red alicorn is so bad?! PLEASE?! :derpyderp1:

I feel your pain rainbow...It was my selfishness that ultimately led to the death of my best friend.:ajsleepy:

It is what drives me to write sad fics... I thank you for writing this....my good pony...

4047177 She is very sad right now, but she does get her closure in the end. Just a short while longer, bear with the story to it's uprising conclusion. :pinkiesmile::heart:

4047895 Oh my goodness! That was such an enexpected comment you had me dying of laughter. :pinkiehappy::heart:

Besides the time conversion, I was surprised to see such a fitting explanation. Certainly top notch.
Celestia's little memory swipe was as convenient as it gets but when one is dealing with a demi-goddess....:pinkiecrazy:
I have no problems with spinoffs as long as they are well done, and this one is most definitely well done.

Stupid button! It isn't letting me like this story an infinite number of times! :twilightangry2:
Oh well. All in all, it was good: No gapping plot holes, nice connections made to canon events, all of the ponies were in character. My only complaints are how the same information was fed to the reader by multiple characters, although I understand that it was necessary at times, and that Henry's death seemed to allow too much time to talk. But that complaint is just a general death scene complaint and has nothing to do with how well you wrote it.

She wanted to make him a grave by hand. Finding some shovels she began her toil, a determined look on her face. After a short time Rainbow joined in, and finally Applejack. The rest of them would have joined in too, but there weren’t any more shovels.

I read these lines several times before I realized where I'd read them before. An almost word for word scene happened in a book by the legendary Terry Brooks. He's far and away my favorite author. I smiled when I made that connection. Bonus points for you on that. :moustache:

Also, I meant spelling and such but there weren't too many. Even with the mistakes I did find, I understood what you meant. The worst of them were in the use of commas. Just for future note, try to read it out loud and note where you pause in the middle of a sentence. Chances are, a comma would go there. I'll see if I can find the time to do an editor's read through later for a list of actual corrections if you're still interested in them.

4065260 Well, I know I kinda messed up the time conversion. Time was supposed to be faster in Equestria like in the original story, but I wound up reversing it.

Celestia's memory swipe doesn't seem out of place. If Twilight, who is far below Celestia in skill, can go around and restore memories like with the Discord incident, then it only seems logical that memories can be read too.

Yeah, I agree the death scene went on a bit too long, but hey! Magic! (Looks left and right rapidly)

As for that quote, I'm being dead serious I have never heard of those books, so the fact that I nearly quoted something I've never read before is very entertaining for me.

I COMPLETELY agree that comma's are my number one enemy when it comes to writing. I do tend to put in too many of them, and sometimes where they don't really need to belong.

I felt it was necessary to fill in the plot hole from the original. We're never told just how Celestia and them managed to get to a different world and find the exact place Rainbow was. They just did. MAGIC! That seemed the most plausable explanation to me.

Where did I feed the same info by different characters? I can always edit it to make it flow better.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story. If you like Scootaloo fics than please check out mine. It's pretty long but a lot of people have enjoyed it.

4065860 What I meant by the same information is that everyone, and I mean everyone, kept saying the Rainbow did the right thing, she wasn't to blame, etc. I see how it's good to do that but I felt like I was just reading copy and paste lines each time. Not a real problem but it could use some smoothing out.
1 hour in E/3 hours in H sounds like a good ratio. I would stick with that.
And if you like the magic adventure genre, Terry Brooks is the best in the business. 25 best sellers and counting.
And finally, I think this song captures the feel of this story nicely. If you don't like the Christian tones, imagine that it's just referring to Celestia. :trollestia:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfgu6tW8Lg8

4067174 I think I'm just going to take out time conversion altogether, and just make Equestrian time concurrent with human world time. The fic takes place over such a short period of time, just a few hours, that I'd find it very hard to believe that in only an Equestrian hour Twi managed to find her friends, head to Canterlot, panic, get comforted by Celestia, come up with the plan, grab Luna, Cadance and Shining Armor, and transfer over to the human world. But four hours would be enough time for that.

In light of the same information bit you have a problem with I defend that, as each time it had a purpose, even if the lines were similar. Henry of course said it because he didn't hold a grudge and as a means of getting her to give humans a second chance. Celestia said it to try to get Rainbow Dash past her guilt and to use the experience to learn something instead of hating herself. And Linda used it as a setup to be just a little manipulative and push Rainbow to play with her daughters. I don't feel any of those lines should be cut out. Now that I explained it do you see it as I see it?

4068261 Yes, now it makes perfect sense. In the original story, the time difference was just a way to have 14 years go by without her friends showing up old and grey. So I suppose removing it to fit the timeline of your story works out well.
Looking forward to when I can find the time to read your other story. :rainbowdetermined2::scootangel:

It really sucks that Henry had to die :fluttercry::fluttershbad::fluttershyouch::fluttershysad::applecry: I also find it annoying John and Peter basically got off relatively scott free, did the cops at least catch them maybe after Linda calls in Henry's murder???? I would have loved to see Celestia turn them into rabbits or deer and leave them to be hunted in turn.

4125578 I deliberately didn't include them in the ending because the story was supposed to end on a good note. Angry as she was, Celestia murdering two people in revenge just didn't feel right to me.

Unfortunately living the rest of their lives in relative terror that Celestia will make good on her threat is the worst they get, because first of all they already buried Henry, so they'd have to redig him up to get the physical evidence. Secondly, while of course no one would beleive the story of the magical ponies form another world, there is a GIGANTIC HOLE in one of the downstairs rooms that no one would be able to explain from Celestia, which would raise some questions about whether Henry had been experimenting with illegal weaponry. It is a plot point that I can't end completely satisfactorily, but I wanted to keep everyone in character. Even for Discord and Sombra they got more of a fate worse than death treatment instead of actually being murdered.

Well. this last chapter doesn't make that much sense: okay for Celestia to have 'pardoned' the crazy arseholes, but why would Linda just bury the guy without even having called the cops? Hey, she lives just a mile away from the idiots who gunned down her worker!

4195624 Yeah, I kinda wrote myself a bit into a corner here. I didn't want Celestia to kill the two of them. Part of the problem is that calling the cops would lead to Henry being suspected of something illegal, what with the gigantic hole created by Celestia's spell.

There are :pinkiesmile: number of views!
Sorry, I just couldn't help it. :trollestia:

Everything is good but the last chapter was weird. Twilight watching her self at the slumber party. That was the weirdest part I ever seen although the book is all good still.

You are getting art for this.

Such a story:applecry::fluttercry::pinkiesad2:

6365674 Aww, thank you.

I thought you looked at this one already before. I think it was you that said you liked all my stories but the Dashie one, and I distinctly remember a :pinkiesick: icon

6365887 I did...hmm...I never EVER remeber seeing this one? But I wasn't :pinkiesick: at all when reading. just :fluttercry: and:pinkiesad2:

7133747 :fluttercry: It's bittersweet, but Rainbow learned an important lesson and got to go home in the end. Thanks for reading it.

Found this on the phone before finding it here and I didn't get to favorite it. I love this fanfic. It made me cry :fluttercry: but I thought it was so well done. Nice job. :) :rainbowkiss: I loved MLD. It was so cute.....

7665382 Thank you so much. :rainbowkiss: Always lovely to hear from someone who enjoyed my works. Depending on what you're interested in I could recommend another one of my stories. I have some cute stories, some sad stories, and some in between.

A friend of mine drew me a piece of fanart for this story. Warning, though, it contains blood. It's Henry reaching out his hand to the injured Rainbow Dash from chapter 2.

orig01.deviantart.net/b16f/f/2015/311/d/6/uyir_by_kyuubinaruto18-d9fvajw.png

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