Part I
PONYVILLE, 9AM
Morning had dawned upon Ponyville clear and bright. Pegasi flitted about the sky to attend to their early cloud-clearing duties, earth ponies were up much earlier tending to their crops already, and many other ponies trotted through the streets going about their daily chores.
This would normally be around the time that Amethyst Breeze, Ponyville’s private eye detective, along with her partner Ember, would be up and organizing the paperwork, as well as heading to the bulletin board to look for any new cases that may have been posted…
...If she weren’t currently fast asleep, facedown and drooling on her desk, that is.
“Snrrk, huh?” Amethyst awoke with a start, papers flying from the desk as she sat upright. Her eyes squinted, adjusting to the morning light. She yawned, stretching her legs out as she shook off the drowsy feeling that came from waking up after a deep sleep. She winced and let out an annoyed snort as she felt a twinge of pain from her neck. She must have slept on it in an awkward position. With a deep sigh, she allowed her gaze to drift down to the desk upon which she had fallen asleep.
Arranged before her, albeit messily, were papers detailing their finances and savings. And from each and every single one of them the word “BROKE”, capitalized in red with about three underlines beneath them, jumped out at her. Well, that wasn’t the complete truth. Amethyst had done the calculations last night, and if she was right they had about six bits left.
Six bits was all she had to her company’s name.
Amethyst rubbed her temples with her hooves, face planting onto the desk again as she tried to rub away a growing headache. Maybe moving shop to Ponyville hadn't been such a good idea after all. It had looked like an excellent idea, on paper at least. Small town with trade routes to other small towns nearby, all without a single private investigator among them. Tiny police department, close proximity to a deadly hazard, and enough crazy antics from its citizens to make any competent mother quake in her shoes just to think about her children living in such a chaos-prone area.
Then why were there no cases? Amethyst groaned, letting her forehead thump the desk. Maybe it was time to consider—
Just then, the front door burst open, amplifying Amethyst’s headache by about twenty times. “Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooood morning, Ammy!” Ember’s voice rang through the office, causing Amethyst to cringe.
“Must you be so loud?” Amethyst yelled, massaging her temples.
“Awww, widdle Ammy-Wammy didn’t get much sleep last night did she? Actually—” Ember’s gaze wandered around the office, noticing papers strewn everywhere “—did you even go home last night?”
Amethyst’s horn lit up as papers in her magical grip started to fly about the room, organizing themselves and putting themselves away. “No. I was too busy budgeting our finances,” Amethyst said with a scowl.
“Eww. Numbers.” At this, Ember smirked, reaching behind her and pulling out a cup, which she placed on Amethyst’s desk.
Amethyst stopped sorting papers, her ears perking up as she sniffed. “What’s… that?” She pointed at the cup.
“Moonbuck’s Quadresspresso,” Ember said, looking smug. “Thought I might stop by and pick you up some. Good thing I did. Looks like you need it.”
Amethyst’s mind raced. She quickly went through a mental list of Moonbuck’s coffee prices, all of them coming up as being rather... expensive. And a Quadresspresso sounded at least four times worse...Amethyst was silent for a moment.
“...Ember?” Amethyst asked, her voice calm.
“Yeah, Ammy?”
“How… how did you pay for this?”
“Oh!” Ember’s ears perked. “Well I knew they were having a sale this morning, their new line for half off! That’s only three bits each! So I went ahead and took six bits out of our funds, and I bought us both a cup.” As she said this, she produced another cup. She held it in her hoof, gesturing towards Amethyst. “Cheers? C’mon, you know you need it. You’re always cranky in the morning.”
Amethyst couldn’t respond. Her eye started twitching like mad though, and she suddenly started stalking towards Ember with an almost predatory gleam in her eye.
“I… NEED… it?”
Ember, suddenly much less confident in her choice, folded her ears against her head as she took a few steps back. “Uh… yeah… y’know… help wake you up and… stuff?” She smiled meekly. “I knew I should have gone to Dunkin’ Joe’s…” Amethyst’s scowl only deepened.
“Do you know what I NEED, Ember?”
“Air? Food? Sleep?” Ember stifled a grin. “Potty time?”
Amethyst bared her teeth. “That. Was. A. Rhetorical. Question.”
Ember gulped.
“What I NEED is money. Money pays our bills. MONEY pays for this building we’re currently running out of. MONEY,” she shouted as she got up in Ember’s face, “is what keeps us from becoming HOBOS ON THE STREET. MONEY IS WHAT KEEPS US GOING! AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID?!” Amethyst’s mane and horn began sparking with electricity as she ground her teeth together. Ember’s eyes bulged.
“YOU SPENT THE ONLY MONEY WE HAD ON TWO CUPS OF COFFEE, BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!”
Ember gently offered her cup of coffee to Amethyst. “…If it makes you feel any better, you can have mine too?”
Amethyst took several deep breaths, her mane and horn continuing to surge with power. She started shaking, and she grabbed Ember around the neck with her hooves.
“I AM GOING TO M—”
“Um… excuse me, is this A&E Investigations?”
Amethyst and Ember looked over to the doorway where a yellowish earth pony stood. Her mane and tail were two tones of red, one a deep red and the other almost pink. Her cutie mark was a lone rose.
Nopony moved for several seconds. Amethyst remained with her hooves wrapped around Ember’s throat, and Ember looked like she might cry.
Then, quick as a flash Amethyst shot over to her desk and bore a smile. The sudden action caused Ember to fall to the ground with a rather loud crash, since Amethyst had been holding her up. Amethyst ignored it. “Why, yes it is! How can I help you?”
The pony watched as Ember flailed on the floor for a moment, sending papers flying everywhere once more before she shot upright as well, sporting an equally big smile. “How may we help you?”
The mare backed up a bit, looking shocked. “I...hope I wasn’t interrupting anything?”
“Oh, not at all!” Amethyst spoke up, waving the comment off with a hoof. “My partner and I were just having a bit of a… discussion!”
“Oh… okay. I… really don’t know the protocol here.”
Ember smiled, walking over to the mare and placing a hoof on her shoulder. “Why don’t you take a seat over here and tell us what’s going on.” She guided the client over to chair across from Amethyst’s.
“Thank you,” she said, taking her seat. “Okay, I guess I should start at the beginning.”
“That would be best,” Amethyst muttered, grudgingly taking a long draught from the Quadresspresso. She almost dropped the cup, and turned to Ember, eyes wide.
Ember took a sip of her own and nodded, mouthing, “Goooooood…”
“Well, it all started about two weeks ago. I run a flower shop, you see. ‘Roseluck’s Bouquets.’ I’m Roseluck, by the way.” She gave a shy smile.
“Pleased to meet you Roseluck, I’m Am—”
“It’s a delight to meet you, Rose! I must say, your store is lovely! I’ve walked by before, but haven’t had a chance to stop by.” Ember batted her eyelids, completely ignoring the fact that she’d cut Amethyst off so rudely. “My name is Ember, and this is my colleague Amethyst.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Rose smiled more broadly now.
“Please, go on. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Ember gave a smooth grin as she pulled up a chair beside Roseluck and slipped into it, all the while looking into Roseluck’s eyes.
“Thanks,” the other mare replied, giggling and adjusting her mane. “Anyways, it started at the shop two weeks ago. I’d come in early in the morning to open, around six since we had a shipment coming in, and the whole place had been turned upside down.”
Amethyst took another sip of coffee. “Thieves. What did they take?”
Roseluck turned her head. “What? No, there weren’t any thieves.”
“But you just said that they turned the place upside down,” Ember said, eyebrows raised.
“Yeah, I did. What do thieves have to do with that?” Roseluck asked, gaze flitting between the two ponies.
Amethyst set the coffee down and put her head in her hoof. “I think I missed a step. You came to the shop, and you found what exactly?”
Roseluck sighed. “It’s just like the police all over again. Okay, let me slow it down. I came in at six. The place was upside down. I freaked out.”
“Wait. When you say that it was ‘turned upside down… Do you mean that metaphorically, like saying ‘I turned the place upside down looking for it,’ or something like that?” Ember asked slowly.
Roseluck shook her head. “No. Literally, everything in the store was turned upside down.”
Ember dropped her coffee, spilling it all over her scarf. Amethyst blinked, leaning back in her chair.
“…Huh?”
“Oh, let me help you with that!” Roseluck pulled out a handkerchief from her saddlebag and handed it to Ember, who gave a small smile in thanks while still wincing from the burn as she wiped away the spilled coffee.
“Pony breaks into store… Turns everything upside down…” Amethyst muttered as she jotted down some quick notes. “Ember spills half of the company’s money…” Ember shot her a glare.
“Yeah it doesn’t make much sense to us either,” Roseluck said as she climbed back into her chair. “But it’s rather annoying and, well, I’d rather NOT have to re-plant all of my flowers every morning, so if it’s not too much trouble?”
“Wait. Every morning?” Amethyst gazed over her notepad as she chewed the eraser of her pencil.
“Yeah, they come back every night and do it again. And not just to me! There are several other stores that get hit too.”
Amethyst looked over to Ember, who had turned her head to give Amethyst a look that said ‘really?’ “Let me consult my associate.”
Amethyst picked Ember up in her magic and carried her back into the interrogation room with her, shutting the door behind them.
“Of all of the weirdest things…” Ember mumbled, looking annoyed.
“A job’s a job,” Amethyst said, frowning a bit.
“Still, this is like… who does that?! It’s not just weird, it’s… how is that even a crime? Are we even getting paid for it?!” Ember poked her head out of the interrogation room. “We are getting paid for this, right? She may be hot, but that doesn’t mean we work for free.” Ember shook her hoof. “Speaking of hot…” She blew on the slightly burned hoof.
“Oh, grow up,” Amethyst growled. “Let’s ask her. If she can pay, I say we take it. Because, frankly, we don’t have any alternate revenue streams at this present juncture.”
“That’s Fancy for, ‘We’re broke,’ right?” Ember asked.
“Eeyup.”
“Oh, good. Glad that part of me can still guess what you mean or want.” She glared at her partner pointedly.
Amethyst sighed. “Sorry.” She then exited the room and walked back up to Roseluck.
“Miss Luck,” she began.
“Oh, please, call me Rose.” The earth pony looked directly at Ember. “All my friends do.”
“Okay then. Miss Rose, I have to be honest with you. We’re a business. We have costs and expenses. If we’re to help you out, there would be a fee. BUT. If we help you, we won’t stop until this… fiend… is caught. When we finish with him, he’ll never bother you or your fellow businessponies ever again.”
Roseluck met Amethyst’s eyes. “That’s all I need to hear. Just let us know what it takes. The police couldn’t help us, so we’re willing to do whatever it takes to get this creep gone.”
“Perfect! Miss Rose…” Amethyst puffed out her chest as she spoke. “The A&E Investigations is on your case! Now we just need to fill out the paperwork!”
“Aaaaaaand that’s my cue.” Ember walked over to her chair, sat down and pulled out the latest issue of ‘Modern Mare’ as Amethyst set a massive sheaf of paper down upon the desk.
PONYVILLE MARKET SQUARE, 11AM
The sound of Roseluck’s door chime filled her store as the three mares entered. “I’m going to need to check for hoofprints, if there are any. Usually amateur criminals leave behind telltale... hoofprints…” Amethyst’s voice trailed off as they were met with the innards of Roseluck’s store. True to her word, every single thing in the store that was capable of moving was inverted.
The shelves that normally hosted a wide variety of plants were turned with their tops on the ground, the plants still somehow staying aligned in a perfect row, despite their upside down position.
The front desk was also turned onto its top, and some of the stand alone plants in the shop had their pots inverted, with the flowers sticking out from the bottom rather than the top.
“I stopped bothering to change it after the first few nights, so I just coped with it,” Roseluck mumbled, frowning.
“I like it. It’s hipster,” Ember said. She flashed Roseluck yet another coy smile. Rose blushed crimson, but Amethyst only sighed in exasperation.
“We’re supposed to be stopping the criminal. Not complimenting his work.”
Ember mumbled something under her breath, but Amethyst ignored it. “You said this has been happening for two weeks now?”
“Yeah,” Rose replied. “Two weeks and two days. Trust me, you don’t forget when something like this starts happening.”
“Interesting…” Amethyst etched a few notes into her levitated pad. “And you contacted the police immediately after the initial incident?”
Roseluck sat down behind her counter, placing her head in her hooves. “Of course. They sent over two ‘detectives’ who dusted for prints, took notes, asked questions, and drank all my coffee. They came back each time I reported it, every morning, and always did the exact same thing. Nothing.” She banged her head on the counter, or what now functioned as the counter but had once been the underside of said countertop. “Please tell me that you two can do better.”
Amethyst nodded, taking more notes. “Oh, definitely. You see, we get paid to solve cases, not drink everypony’s coffee.”
“Although I really wouldn’t mind some coffee, if you have any!” Ember grinned, striding over to the counter. “I never got to finish mine earlier.”
Rose stood up with a laugh. “Well, I certainly don’t mind getting you some coffee.” She winked, but then caught Amethyst’s eye. “I mean, you two some coffee!” She trotted on over to her coffee machine, placed it rightside-up, and set it to brewing. “So, what will you be looking for in here?”
“Anything,” Ember said and lifted up an inverted pot to look under it. “You wouldn’t believe the amount of stuff suspects leave behind sometimes, a stray hair or hoofprint can easily be I.D.ed.”
“Well, it would,” Amethyst muttered. “But this is a public place, Ember. There are probably dozens of hoofprints and stray hairs all over the place…”
“Oh.” Ember deflated. “Yeah, I totally knew that.”
“Right. But, here’s the thing. We can look in those weird places, the places that nopony would ever touch unless they were, say—” She walked over to a shelf and levitated it up, pointing at the metal piece that held it against the wall. “—flipping over a display shelf.”
Amethyst whipped out a spray bottle from her saddlebag and coated the shelf with a fine layer of glowing azure dust.
“What’s that?” Rose asked, walking over to the other mare.
“Hoofprint dusting spray. They make it out in Canterlot. You just coat the object like so, and any hoofprints appear!” True to her word, a glowing red stain appeared on the shelf, with completely visible lines showing upon it. “And what’s really interesting is the spell that is placed on it. It glows a different color depending on the cutie mark of the pony that made the print!”
“Oh, neat!” Rose smiled. “So, since this one is the same color as my cutie mark, does that mean that it’s from me?”
“Exactly!” Ember said, walking toward the other two. “Beauty AND brains.” She batted her eyelids as the two stood nearly snout to snout.
“Ember, please dust the other side of the store. Now.” Amethyst gave her partner a spray bottle and a glare.
“Yes, oh great and powerful mistress.” Ember winked and snapped her tail in the air before fluttering over to the window display and beginning her spraying.
“I’m really sorry about her, Ms. Rose. She’s always like this. Always.” Amethyst sighed.
Rose watched the whistling pegasus mare with a smile. “Oh, I don’t mind. After those boring police stallions, it’s much better to have somepony more… my type hanging about in the store.”
Amethyst shook her head. “If you say so…”
The two investigators spent the next half-hour in utter silence, turning things back rightside-up and dusting every inch of the floor, walls, and all surfaces for any sort of evidence.
After a bit, Amethyst stood up, her fedora tilted awkwardly on her head. She adjusted it before trotting up to Ember, who was near the back of the store.
“You get anything?” Ember asked, sipping her coffee. “Mmm, a hint of petals…”
“No. A bunch of unmatched prints, a ton of Ms. Rose’s, but no duplicates on anything besides her stock that any customers would be touching. You?”
“Not one bit. Although I did find some lovely lilies over there. I may buy some to send to my mom. I’ll have to ask the shopkeeper the price,” Ember replied, grinning lewdly.
Amethyst met her gaze cooly. “Can you please grow up for at least two seconds? You may be playing a game, but I don’t think she is.” They both looked over at their client, who was busy adjusting her displays. She met their gaze and gave a kind-hearted wave.
“Who said anything about games?” Ember whispered, returning the wave.
“Fine. Tell yourself that. But when the inevitable happens, don’t expect any consolation from me.” Amethyst growled. She shook her head, looking around the store. “I hate to say this, but there may be no evidence in here, at least not anything physical…” She put her spray back into her saddlebag. “Let me try something.”
Amethyst trotted into the center of the store, spreading her legs wide and closing her eyes in concentration. She took a deep breath, and when she breathed out her horn lit up with a telltale azure glow of her magic, before it gathered at the very tip of her horn. Amethyst stood tall, aiming her horn at the roof. Then, the spell flew, striking the roof of the shop and following along the walls and floor, until the entirety of Roseluck’s store was surrounded in a veil of azure magic.
“Now, if I can filter out our recent sprayings…” Amethyst mumbled, closing her eyes in concentration once more. In a flash, several objects in the store lit up brightly, each one a different color. They glowed as if being manipulated by magic. In one particular area of the store there was a distortion of air surrounded by a purple aura. “Teleportation…” Amethyst mumbled. “...and levitation.” Several other areas of the magic field also looked whited out, brighter than the rest. They all also had different shades and colors. “Illumination,” Amethyst mumbled again, her brow creasing. A set of numbers suddenly appeared, levitating around the room. They switched places, as the subtraction symbol changed to addition. “Calculation,” Amethyst said a little more loudly.
Amethyst frowned but remained in her position with her eyes closed. Slowly, a bead of sweat rolled down her forehead and she released a held-in breath. The azure magic surrounding the shop faded as she did. When she opened her eyes, Ember was in her face, smiling broadly.
“That. Was. Awesome!” Amethyst blinked, watching Ember practically dance in place. “I’ve never seen you use a spell like that before! You got him right? Who are we going after?”
Amethyst groaned and wiped her brow with her fedora. “No, I didn’t get him. No spells out of the ordinary were cast in the local area in over two days.”
“Drat.” Ember flicked her mane back. “So, that means that he didn’t use magic, right?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, he didn’t use magic, or yes, he DID use magic?” Ember cocked her head sideways.
“Ember… I’m really not in the mood.” Amethyst strode over to Roseluck. “I’m sorry Ms. Rose, but we didn’t find anything. The perp didn’t use magic to flip everything over, and he left no hoofprints. He must be either a pegasus or an earth pony wearing gloves. My guess is pegasus. They’re the only ones crazy enough to do stuff like this.”
“It’s true.” Ember nodded. “Cray-cray pride!”
“That’s not a compliment,” Amethyst seethed.
Ember snorted. “That’s what you think.” She walked over toward Roseluck. “Rosy, you said that there were several other stores that were hit too?”
“Yeah, I did. Quills and Sofas, Time Turner’s Hourglass Repair, Mr. Mart’s Hole in the Wall, and Bonbon’s Sweetshoppe.”
Amethyst adjusted her fedora. “Well. We’ll have to check them all out. No stone unturned, after all. Let’s go get this perp.”
“Ammy, we can’t keep calling him ‘perp.’ He’s a pony too. He needs a name!” Ember giggled. “I vote for calling him Frank!”
“Frank. Um, no. First off, he’s a criminal. Criminals get called ‘perp.’ That was the deal. You name the furniture in the office, and I call all the bad guys ‘perp.’ And second, there may be a name that perfectly describes somepony who obsessive-compulsively disorders everything around him, but Frank isn’t it. C’mon. Let’s go hit the Hourglass Repair shop. There’s no way he was perfect everywhere.”
PONYVILLE MARKET SQUARE, 5PM
“How was he perfect everywhere!?” Amethyst screamed, pounding her head against a wall. “Six hours. Five businesses. Nothing!”
“Well, I wouldn’t say nothing.” Ember smiled, munching on a cookie. “That wonderful couple at the sweetshoppe gave us all these snacks! And seeing every single quill in Quills and Sofas turned upside down was pretty funny too. Did you see that purple unicorn turning them all rightside-up? Man, that was hilarious.”
“Nothing. Not a single thing.” Amethyst whacked her head against the building again. “Well, I guess that leaves us no choice…”
“Obviously, there is only one choice left.”
“I know you hate these things…”
“But it has to be done.”
“Yeah. Guess we better get ready.”
“I just hope they don’t forget the lettuce this time.”
Amethyst turned to her partner. “What. What are you talking about?”
“Going to Burger Princess for dinner! The only option that is left! I’m hungry!” As if to emphasize this, Ember’s stomach growled. “What are you talking about?”
“A stakeout!”
“Ooooooh… Okay. But can we grab some Burger Princess first? I’m really hankering for a Hay-Whopper.” Ember grinned.
“Fine. We can get some Burger Princess. But then…” Amethyst spun around heroically, trenchcoat flapping in the air. She struck a pose and tilted her fedora rakishly. “…a stakeout.”
Ember rolled her eyes. “What a drama queen.”
Amethyst smacked her.
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Awesome work already. I'm still thinking that this "villain" will be named Frank or something like that.
But I can't wait for the second part whatsoever. I kept on a stupid grin when I was reading this, I was just wanting more. Keep up the awesome work, Teegee and Doc!
Test comment! Or is it just TGM?
4579527
Only TG. I tested it when I first posted the story too.
Waifu why did you block me?!
4579537
I so sorry waifu! Never again shall I do so!!!
Interesting. My vote is undecided, but I'll see where this is going.
4769280
Thank you for your time prereading this! We're currently in the process of doing revisions/edits, so we apologize for the mistakes and such. They should all be fixed in a day or two.
~Doc
NOT EVEN NEW CHAPTER
GORRAMIT DOC I'M SO DISAPPOINT!
A very well-done story, I do hope that a new chapter is in the future.
I am too tired to leave anything funny or original, sorry. But the interactions between Amethyst and Ember are hilarious! Looking forward to future updates!
Glad TGM told me about this, the interaction between them is hilarious.
How the heck would you know if someone flipped over their entire stock?