Rainbow Dash, curious as to why every guard looks alike, finds out the hard way what happens when you mess with a government. What she finds out, though, will change Equestria forever...
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 14th Jan, 2013
- offline last seen Jan 23rd, 2023
The Accursed One
>tfw you realise you're a generic white girl
The Accursed One
Joined 14th Jan, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- The Accursed One · 2k words · 21 3 · 914 views
- IndexOutOfBounds · 4.7k words · 18 1 · 974 views
- sweetapple_fireplumelove · 1.6k words · 26 32 · 2.8k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.108 seconds
Total duration
660 users online
977,991 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I was expecting a comedy.
Looks like feels will have to do.
3988779
Sorry. I know I mostly write comedies, but I had this idea for a while and wanted to finish it finally.
Well, this was interesting. I can accept the cloning as headcannon though. I've always wondered why they all look alike.
Huh... I have mixed feelings about this story. It seems kind of rushed and out-there, and most of the lines and story would fit well in a comedy, but it's being portrayed completely seriously here, with no comedy tag. I'm going to leave a like, but I'm not really sure what you wanted to do with this story. It doesn't seem genuine or well-built enough to be actually sad, and I can't believe someone could read
with a straight face. But the ending was very dark and genuine, considering that we'd expect a different outcome than her nightmare.
And if this is meant to be serious, how and why would Rainbow Dash give up on her life and her dreams just to find out about something as out-there and unrelated to her as why the guards are all identical. What could possibly make her decide that attempting to figure out a seemingly trivial mystery was worth dying over? What series of events made her think that looking into this was worth risking her life? Why were they speaking so casually about a death sentence level crime? I don't know. Seems like this should have been a comedy, or if you wanted it to be this dark, should have been given a lot of more build up.
This is meant to be constructive criticism by the way, you've made some good work. I just think this needs more work.
3988888
I may have just been one of the first to put the idea into words.
3988890
Probably.
3988889
I see her as very determined to any cause she truly believes in, and is pretty stubborn. Maybe not the perfect characterization, but still.
3988908 Yeah, I can see that, but not enough to risk execution, and not enough over something that appears so trivial. Now, if we saw her asking Twilight about it casually, getting told not to look into it, and that igniting her curiosity, and then as she looks more and more into it and sees a bigger and bigger mystery, and that was built up, I can see her getting caught up in that, but here, we just saw one conversation of them talking casually about it, with her friend whom she's loyal to advising her not to look into it, and then she's going to the Princess, offered an actual, if suspicious answer, and she still decides to break into the castle.'
If she found out the importance of something like that, or we saw how much the mystery was affecting her before then, or for how long the mystery had been bothering her, I could believe she would do something that drastic. But in the story she immediately regrets it and immediately agrees to her execution, just saying how sorry she is. That's not a "cause she truly believes in" that's not determination. If Rainbow Dash was in that situation, having broken in, and finding out about that, she would have questioned why it was a crime, and then, she would have probably gone on the run. She has a strong sense of life and determinations like you said, she wouldn't just agree to being executed, saying 'sorry' for figuring out something, while surprising and possibly unethical, I don't see the point of. So what if all the guards are clones? Would that cause the Ponies to rise up against Celestia? I don't think so.
You said it was an alternate universe, so perhaps they're in a more militant Equestria, where that kind of military secret is big enough to be executed in order to keep quiet about, but we didn't see any of that, just business as usual except for throwing the death penalty around.
... You know what, I'm sorry for ragging on about this, I don't mean to insult it, but I think these are serious questions. If it were a comedy, it could all be waved away, but if it's supposed to be serious, if it's supposed to be an alternate universe, I think this needs to have a lot more explanation to it.
3989011
Some of that stuff happens offscreen, I just didn't think of putting it in there. Especially with what happened with Twilight.
3989029 Well, I just think it needs to be shown for the sake of the story.
But.. but.. wasn't she broadcasting?
i half expected her life to be ended...by her becoming a new clone template...her DNA would give the Pegasus guard clones a definite edge. i also agree with some of the previously stated opinions that this one shot could have been expanded upon and made a lot better. i wont rehash old soup and say wats already been said, as theres no need for it.
When RD arrived at the clearing, I thought that, when she took a dip...she'd found the mirror pond....and her answer.