Second Base Retreat (Kept this cause it was funny)
I awaken to a dull throb in my head, my body feeling stiff and hot, my conscious still fuzzy from just waking up.
Ugh… What the hell is wrong with my head?
I groan as I feel the sun piercing through the nearby windows, sending another stab of pain shooting through my skull.
“No more Celestia… Please…” I beg as I raise a hoof to shield my eyes, ignoring the smell of alcohol that stained my coat.
Oh my god, what were we doing last night…? I whine as I try to take stock of the situation, looking around the room.
Oh right… We just made another breakthrough in the magic and the faculty decided to throw a party or something…
Royal tapestries hung on the walls and ceiling of the break room where the festivities took place. The few tables that weren’t flipped over or reduced to smoldering ash were piled with half eaten food. In a corner was a pile of kegs, all of which were empty.
Funnily enough, just like how chaos was all over the room, so too were the other researchers fast asleep. Most were lying on the ground unconscious while a few were lying on tables.
Hell, there was even a pony stuck to the ceiling by glue.
Oh, no, wait, that’s just Celestia…
Speaking of which, the Princesses decided to join us so that must mean Luna is somewhere here too… I grunt as I crane my head from where I lay on the couch, trying to get a better look and see if I can find Luna.
“Mmmmm…” I instantly freeze up when I realize that whatever I previously mistook as a blanket was not, in fact, a blanket.
I feel my mouth go dry as I feel whatever is clinging onto me squeeze me tighter and…
Oh god it’s nuzzling me… I swear to god it better not be… I feel my brain suddenly become fully awake and I slowly turn to look who has decided to use me as a full on body pillow.
Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Oh god please don’t let it be-
Face to dangerously close face was none other than the Princess of the night.
That’s Luna by the way, in case you don’t seem to get it.
The Lunar Princess let out a snort as proceeds to snuggle deeper into my fur, her breath reeking of alcohol. To be honest it was quite cute, if it wasn’t for the fact that it was me she was sleeping on then I would’ve “D’awed” right there and then, but my brain had other ideas.
SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT
“SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-” I quietly scream as I realize the situation that I’m in.
Not good! This is not good at all! Oh my god we didn’t do anything, did we? THINK GOD DAMMIT REMEMBER!!!
Memory seamingly to fail me and my brain not coming up with any other bright ideas I grunt as I try to get a look at… Well… To see if the deed was done, which was extremely difficult without waking Luna.
It… Looks normal to me… I think… It isn’t until I notice WHAT it is that I’m actually looking at that I realize who’s junk I’m really looking at…
NOPE! Nothing happened! Nothing at all! Everything is peeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrfectly fine!
“Mhmmm, Starswirl…” I hear her mutter as the violet screaming gets louder.
Alright, THINK! How do I get out of this mess!? Well, for one thing she’s on pretty tight, though if I could just grab a blanket or a pillow it might work… I also need to make sure that no-one else wakes up while I’m doing it, and then… Is she nibbling on me!?!?
Sure enough, Luna was nibbling the fur on my chest, going in slow circles while trying to bury herself in deeper.
QUICK! REPLACEMENT!
In the blink of an eye I free a hoof without waking her and place it between her and… Well… My body.
Good, that’ll hold her back for a minute at least… Wait a- Oh god gross she’s making out with it!?
Yep, now instead of nibbling on my torso she’s going full on “frenching” my left hoof.
“Mmmm! Starswirl!” She moans.
Calm down Ral, it’s not her… She’s unconscious and doesn’t know better… Don’t blame it on her. Don’t blame it on her. Don’t- WHY DOES SHE KEEP MOANING MY NAME WHAT THE HELL!?
Acting quickly, I grab a nearby tablecloth in my magic with some difficulty and bring it to my free hoof, quickly putting the large bundle between us.
Now’s my chance!
Before Luna could make a grab for me from behind the tablecloth I quickly slip out unnoticed and “silently” fall off of the couch, freezing in case she woke up. When no immediate reaction came up I take it as my chance to escape.
“Why the hell did I go to this party anyway?” I groan, silently making my way to the exit and slipping through unnoticed.
“Seriously, Luna even got so drunk that she even mistook me for her colt-friend or something!” Granted she doesn’t have one yet, but still…
Either way though, had I looked back before exiting the room I would have noticed the pair of midnight blue eyes staring sadly at my retreat while their owner buried herself deeper into a table cloth.
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surpisengy- NOPE hahaha i am doomed
This has to be canon... right?
Magic: The Gathering and ponies?!
I must read this soon!
I shall consider this canon. Because Luna is amazing and I fully support Luna x Ral. Yes, because that. No ulterior motives at all, I swear.
4514484
Just so you know, your denial is suspiciously specific. Therefore, there is a good chance of there actually being an ulterior motive of some sort. Doesn't mean there IS one, just means there could very well be one.
Aww... poor Luna.
Wonder how large a part Rai not even contemplating returning her feelings had on the whole Nightmare Moon thing? I mean, there really wasn't a way for her to know about the whole alien creature shapeshifted into a pony stuff...
Edit*
Oh, and my vote is on giving this a good 'scrub' and making it canon. Short but nicely bitter-sweet a glimpse into why things turned out the way they did.
Oh my God that was hilarious.
And I see you're getting back into writing! Bloody finally.
Wel-written, hilarious, a bit of d'awww, and reacted like a normal person would -- eighteen
out of five.
Are you sure this cider's non-alcoholic?
Too funny not to be canon
4514693 Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. You'll never know for sure.
4516002
True, true...
...why am I suddenly thinking about the Happy-Happyism cult from Earthbound?
4520207 That just makes me want to play the game even more now. And I have the ROM. Just need the USB SNES controller from my friend and I can actually play it.
4520266
I just use the keyboard. But only because I don't have enough money to buy a controller, nor do I have a friend who has one. I also didn't know there WAS a controller until you mentioned that your friend has one.
Make this canon! Then, make a cannon! THEN MAKE THE CANNON CANON!!!
LoHAV story? Ecch.
It's a Magic crossover, you say? Oh, very well, I'll give it a try.
It's… well, it's certainly interesting. However, I don't understand why the protagonist has so subsumed himself into the identity of Ral Zarek to the point of thinking of himself as such. I don't understand why he didn't try to planeswalk away from Equestria to seek out new horizons long ago if he has this much resentment. Indeed, I don't understand why he's having so much trouble planeswalking at all. Sure, post-Mending walkers can't flit in and out of reality at the drop of a hat, but there is a multiverse out there. He should be able to access it with relatively little trouble.
Thinking about it, what I understand least of all is the protagonist's motivation. Why is he doing what he's doing? Not the revenge, I understand that he got screwed over, but why try to recreate the League of Izzet? What were his goals? Again, why did he stay on Equestria? This is not something you should be hiding from the audience.
Also, it's spelled "Cyclops." No e. It's right there on the card.
I'll keep an eye on this story, if only because we need more Magic crossovers.
4514375
Probably is now that a lot of people are suggesting it. Still though, I'd like to edit it some before I make it "official".
4514395
Hope you like it! :D
4514484
Lol, doesn't mean that it's only partner for possible romance but you'll learn more about that later. :P
4514706
I agree, a lot of people like this chapter but I need to clean it up some... XD Still, I'm surprised that it got this much attention.
4514888
Lol, I'm not quite full back into writing "quite" yet bu I'm getting there. So, I've been hearing a lot of positive things about this chapter despite how short it is, care to explain why you like it so much? Just curious...
4515495
It shall be taken into consideration.
4524066
You need more gunpowder for me to even consider it. ;P
4526668
Ah, sorry that the story is not your cup of tea but I am merely a lazy college student. Thanks for pointing out the Cyclopls error though, I kept making those mistakes... As for why the Izzet guild? Well, the more help you have to research something the better easier, right? I think the guild would make for a good cover up the Ral would use to deepen his research in traveling to different dimensions. As for why Planeswalking is so hard? Well, I didn't know it was easy in the first place. I do know a good bit about Ral Zarek Himself but not Planeswalkers in general which is why I mess up quite often... :( And lastly, as for why he is turning into the identity of Ral Zarek, (Or has the name) well, it seems to be a running theme through all of the LoHAV stories and I plan on bring out the reason why he took the name eventually.
Hope this story ends up getting better eventually, and thanks for pointing out those errors for me. If you find any more like that then bring them up, this definitely gives me something to think about.
4541557 Dude, you got Starswirl having a one night stand with Luna.
Actually, you included Luna. Drunk Luna, of all ponies. Drunk, possibly-starting-to-be-hung-over Luna, cuddling the main character.
Hay dude, just FYI, the old LoHAV got deleted and were forced to start over.
Here's a link to the new one.
4640665 Aw man, really? What happened? D:
4658007 Jimmy had a fit and deleted it
4658007
Short version? Jimmy had a temper-tantrum.
Even went and deleted his Solaire story.
He made a blog about it if you're curious for more details... but I'm frankly not feeling like giving him the views at the moment.
4658240
4658242
What? But that doesn't make any sense...
What the hell happened while I was at Everfree NW??? O_o
4658361
The blog about it.
From what I understand he got so tired of the (admittedly, rather distressing amount of) crap stories as well as negative attention LoHAV attracted...
That part? Fine. Understandable even.
Killing it all with fire instead of stepping down from the mod position like an adult? Less fine.
4660650
Yeah, gonna have to agree with yah on that part...
I really liked this chapter good work
`
4747756
Story's cancelled.
Go home.
No one cares.
(jk, glad you liked it.)
4748861 oh god. I just finished the chapters and went on emotional roller coaster when I read that comment. I was scared you had canceled it for a moment XD
4771275
Psh, nah, I just did that to fuck with you guys.
Though the reason the chapter is taking a while is because this story ties in with at least two others so far...
Taking a while for all of us to get together and work. :/
4771389 word
4640665 Haha, for a moment I thought you had said something along the lines of Land of Heat and Valor. I'm such a grayskin, hah.
4771389 *sees and just* *le gasp*
Who and Who[times x number of 'and Who's]?
4901552
You can probably figure that out easily, at least one is already hinted at while the other has a side character tied in with theirs if you can find it. :)
God, for a second there I thought he woke up snuggling Niv Mizzet...
5248361
Now THAT would be creepy...
5248511 Can't wait for the next chapter!
5248539
Well it'll be a while, as college is keeping m busy, but atm I am actually editing the current chapters.
It'll still take quite some time though...
5248796
meh, I'm sure it'll be worth the wait~
5248805
I hope so, I got some good ideas for this story that I'm sure people will love.
I like this. :)
5403520
Ral will forever, and always be, my best card in my deck.
5403618 moar?
5425996 I am actually unhappy with how the story started so far, and I have come that conclussion ever since Jimmy (The First head of LoHAV) called everybody's fics bad and left. Thinking it over and going through mine I found that my fic starts off EXACTLY the same as other stories, so I'm hoping to go through and fix that.
On a side note, I actually have been spending most of my writing time working on a giant LoHAV colab coming out so you can read about Ral there once the first chapter is posted. :)
5426912 So... Are you going to change all the history from the beginning?
5528016
Somewhat, the bit about when how he gets out of his stone prison will have major changes while the part of him at the convention won't be changed so much.
I've actually been spending most of my time doing a collab though with other LoHAV authors at the moment but it will include Ral in that.
I have no idea what's going on.
So, instant like and fave of course
Well, if it's just a subplot that comes up later on, I don't mind. If it becomes more than a subplot and results in some mild comedy, then it's better for the story, in my humble opinion.
5904226
Oooooh good or ooooh bad? I'm trying to make an improvement than when I made the original chapters.
Congrats on the new chapter, I like this better then the old one, no offense.
5905354
That's actually what I was hoping for, thanks. :)
I really had no idea what was going on in this chapter, and I still don't.
But hey, I would polish it up a bit and keep it. Could be useful in the far future for creating additional tension and maybe a replacement for a dues ex machina (Ral is put in a situation with Celestia he normally couldn't get out of, but Luna helps him out due to tension-y past stuff).
5906167
Glad that you're liking it. :D
5906234
I'm actually not sure what happened, but I can only guess that the other editor I asked changed a bit, cause some of the wording looked way better than when I made it.
And for the other chapter, I kinda just left it cause it was funny. There actually wasn't any real reason for it besides me thinking that I should put something out for people to read.