• Member Since 8th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 19th, 2020

DoctorDizzy


T

Fletcher only cared about one thing: protecting his allies. That is, while he still had them. Several years after his exile from the hive, he comes across and rescues a pony foal from the bandits that killed her parents. Now that she's safe, he must find a home for her. Shouldn't be too hard. Ponies are nice... to their own kind anyway. One thing's for sure: caring for her himself is completely out of the question.


Author's note: The alternate universe tag is for a few reasons. Mainly because while Shining Armor exists in this universe, he's Twilight's LBBFF (Little Brother Best Friend Forever). The Changeling invasion on Canterlot still happened, just... differently. Other than that, everything's mostly the same. The timeline is somewhere between season 2 and 3.

Featured 01/17/15 :pinkiegasp:

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 806 )

Eh guns? I'm not big fan of adding guns to where metal armors exist and they are somekind usefull.
Anyway interesting gonna watch it

3960542 Thanks for the comment. I wondered about this myself when I wrote it. I've given it some thought and I think you're absolutely right. The only reason I kept it was because of the next scene but I've come up with a solution I hadn't thought of before. The pistol has now been switched out for a crossbow:twilightsheepish:

Onward!:derpytongue2:

Oh my Celestia, I am in [censored] love with this scenario. PLEASE keep up the good work :pinkiehappy:

3966709 D'aww, you're making me blush:twilightblush:
Thanks for letting me know how much you like it :ajsmug:

ow, caught red hooved, both figuratively and literally

Well that took an unexpected turn.
How will poor flecher get out of this one? :pinkiegasp:

Still a good story, looking forward to see what happens next:twilightsmile: but DAYM I hate cliff hangers!:twilightangry2:

Just say yes, I killed one of them after he realized what he had done ( he told me kill him)

That was a powerful story. Please continue. Don't stop. I'm an emotional eater, so I actually ran out of muffins for the first time:derpytongue2:. Your story line is gripping and has a lot of potential. These are the stories I look forward to, and enjoy reading. :heart:

Wow, this is really interesting and I HATE cliffhangers XD

Ummm, have you read Mole Cricket? he is a changeling and he uses anyBUGGY

3977183 Ah yes. Those were taken under consideration, but the problem with anybuggy and anyling and so forth, is that they also refer to one specific race only. The premise I'm trying to work with is that since changelings are a race based on imitating others, they would choose a word that would be all encompassing. I feel like that makes more sense. Kinda like anybeast from the Redwall series.

3975907 My story's making ponies OD on muffins?!:pinkiegasp: Don't do it Derpy! I didn't mean for it to be that awesome! (haha thanks for the comment):pinkiesmile:

3974530 Still a good story? Haha Have I let you down somehow, My Dear?

Ah yes, cliffhangers. It's ok to hate them. You're allowed.:twilightsmile:
As a reader I hate them too, but honestly, there's really only two or three ways to cut off a chapter well. A satisfying resolution, a gripping cliffhanger, or a witty quip of some kind, which is usually combined with one of the first two.
Really makes you wanna know what happens next though, don' it?:ajsmug:

I hate you soooooo much right now! every time I get into a good story it ends with a cliffhanger and I have to wait... whens next up date tell me NOW... if you want to... its good btw... just saying... the story that is.

I think you made your OC too powerful. all of the griffons gone in a flash... is kinda OP.... I suggest you drag the fight out a little more. even if he outmatches them, it still seems a bit much. And you don't want any mary-sues. Also, what are his flaws? does he lose his temper easy? does he have trouble telling the truth?(no duh he's a changeling) What's his flaw? a perfect character is uninteresting to read.

I may be jumping the gun, (or crossbow- lol) but I really think these are necessary points.

3978413 Ah, I knew this comment would come up. All your points are completely right.:pinkiehappy: But don't you worry, Doc Dizzy's got this:ajsmug:

Remember, there's no such thing as a beginning or an end to a story, only where in the story's timeline the viewer comes in. Very soon, there will be a small flashback arc, where we'll see what things were like for Fletcher just after his exile, who this Dizzy Spell character is, what he taught him, and a small taste of how hard he had to struggle to get to where he is now. I will say right now, that if anyone will seem OP it's Dizzy, but one day (which won't be for awhile as it's the sequel/companion story) you'll see why he has every right to be, and yet even he has flaws.:twilightsmile:
Fletcher may seem OP now but he has his limits and I'll cover them soon. Note how he wasn't keen on the idea of flying in the wind after fighting the gryphons? He never let on, but he was just about spent after that.

Also remember that OP is relative. If BigMac was in a hoof wrestle with say... Applebloom, he'd destroy her. Doesn't necessarily mean BigMac is OP, just that Applebloom never stood a chance to begin with. BigMac should take on somepony his own size, if you catch my drift.:raritywink:

Flaws. Fletcher haz them.:derpytongue2:
You'll see pretty quick that he takes his promises, orders, and moral values a little too seriously. To an unnecessary and unreasonable level. As in, if you somehow got him to promise you he would never say the word kiwi ever again, he would literally take a dagger to the heart before he ever said that word. Thus the reason he would willingly live on bread crusts or even starve to death before he'd steal love.
He can also be rather...bashful. :pinkiehappy:

Thank you my friend for your comment. You're the type I aim to please.

This is a great story. Can't wait for more!

I wanna see more of this. I mean I got this faved and liked but I am not totally sold on this yet.

Trollestia strikes anew. Good story, by the way, have a thumb up as a fave

I got a feeling he isn't out of this one... nice one Celestia.

I like... the story in some ways, but I feel its a bit fast... well no... the pacing is alright, especially in the 3rd chapter, but the 1st one had a really rocky start. The reason is that you're exposition blabbing (big texts of Fletcher's background) instead of trying to incorporate that into the consideration of his actions. I mean, you do, but there's still quite a bit of blocks of Fletcher talking/thinking to himself.

3980644 Haha Have you read any of Tolkien's work?:derpytongue2:
In all seriousness though, you're right. It's a tough thing to balance especially at the start. I'm by no means an experienced writer either, so your criticism is fair :pinkiesmile:
Thankyou

awwww poor fletcher, one last good deed before hes taken away.

Oh Celestia, you wily old girl.

This chapter is what I probably say the best one yet. Compared to the earlier ones, it has slowed down considerably and getting real nitty gritty. Now I am excited for the next chapter where I hope I can see evidence to support the alt. tag up top.

welp I'm hooked, Keep it coming!

I like how you wrote celestia in this. Kind and also clever.

I felt so bad when fletcher was grabbed and shackled like in less than 5 seconds of being honest with every pony. But I'm sure luna will make things right.

the hell

Master...

the hells up with that shit? but the story well all I can say is that cdn.gifbay.com/2013/09/i_love_it_from_tomskas_coming_out-85631.gif but after that I need to say more chapters fast and sexy-er

3962679
Since it was brought up, guns are actually canon in Equestria even though we never see one. During her "find a pet" song, RD mentions that she needs one that's fast like a speeding bullet.

Not that that really has anything to do with anything in this situation, just.....you know.....fyi or whatever.....

Hmm... so Luna's coming. This was a nice development, if a bit brief. The last word 'master' confused me a bit but it was good.

3983180 I think he was like "oh shit."

Comment posted by vren55 deleted Feb 22nd, 2014

3983245 Oh I'm sure he was...

And I would post a more detailed review author... but I need to see more chapters to judge. SO UPDATE~!

Dame you.... hate spilling liquid pride but the story is good... now write some more. I need to see where this is going

It's wunderful so far.
The first Chapters seem a little bit rushed but its getting slower and towards a nice pace.
You don't have to update everyday so take your time.
Keep it coming though :scootangel:
Edit: I sure hope this story gets featured one day. It deserves to be there.

I've been thinking all night about the romance tag up top, taking all bets!:pinkiehappy:

Behind curtain #1
We have an OC pony that can truly shine and have a natural character. As a comparison, Rhubarb the Changeling's wife.

Curtain #2
Luna. Evidence? She found the song beautiful.

And Curtain #3....
Cadence.
It makes the alt. tag so much sense, and I don't know about all y'all, but I haven't seen any changelingxCadence stories.

man I've read this like 8 times, can't wait for more.

Kick their feathery butts. :twilightangry2:

Sad so far, but we'll see what comes next.

3982889 Bullets are also fired from slings, and "bullet points" though why the second one would be fast is beyond my comprehension.

3986577
True, and while a sling bullet is impressively fast for a thrown weapon (averaging between 30-33 m/s), it is still incredibly slow in comparison to Rainbow Dash. The Physics on Rainbow herself aren't really all that consistent (though watching this kid try to explain them is pretty awesome), but a comment like the one she made would only really make sense if she were talking about something much faster than a sling bullet.

Since even the slowest bullet from a gun travels at roughly 120 m/s, and that's what they're talking about in the common expression that was taken for the show, it would make more sense for that to be the type of bullet RD mentioned in her song.

.....Though I suppose if I really want to get technical, it's a kid's tv show and the writers probably put no thought into that line beyond it being an appropriate and common simile to use in their song and completely overlooked what overly-critical fans well outside the target demographic would think of it, so.......yeah......

((You can totally tl;dr all of that if you want. I'm bored and writing stuff for the hell of it.))

Those Griffins are so fucked.

Good, but the protag is too OP and too morally aligned. It would help significantly to make him seem fallible and not so... Perfect. It adds to the suspension of disbelief...

3984780 Oooh! Oooh! Put me down for Fluttershy! :trollestia:

3984692 Thank you, that's kind of you to say. The last part I mean.

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