Haunted by a great loss from long ago, Celestia once more sets into motion a series of events in hope of undoing the greatest tragedy in her long life. After a millennium of failure, could she have finally found the right pony to make her dream come true?
Only time will tell.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Maybe with another chapter or two this could start making sense, but right now I'm not getting it.
I loved this when I first read it, and I love it now. It could really do to be expanded, but even as a one-shot short it is powerful and moving. The idea that a goddess could mourn for eternity for a lost child is very, very poignant.
I'm more interested in some of the symbolism implied.
Harmony, the elements of Harmony? Needing a live pony to manifest them all, and hopefully embrace them all? Is it to 'reassemble' her daughter? Or would it in fact turn Twilight? It's fairly clear Celestia has become at least slightly unhinged, could she be planning on sacrificing Twilight to bring her daughter back?
Good as a oneshot, but could definitely use a few more chapters.
"Tormented by guilt and regret" Celestia is the closest to canon out of all interpretations, and it's sad as fuck.
You'd think eternity would be long enough to forgive yourself, but it just makes things worse.
i agree another chapter but i get it celestias daughter was harmony who was turned into the elements now celestia wants twilight to take up all of the elements of harmony at once. wonder if succeed or not?
After reading the story, my impression was that Princess Celestia's daughter held the elements of harmony (maybe she acted as the hero at the time). Hurt by the loss of her daughter, the princess has been seeking a pony that will adopt the elements of harmony. She hasn't been choosing ponies that already exhibit all 6 elements, but she hopes that they will learn and acquire them. The relationship between the Princess and Twilight does in many ways seem like mother-daughter.
It's an intriguing twist on the events of the show; it even brings some sense to how perfectly Nightmare Moon's trials required the elements to overcome.
Oh, and, Twilight is exactly as awesome as Celestia thinks she is.
This is really good.
Can we have a fanfic about Harmony?
I expect it would be awesome.
In fact, I've been wanting to write a fic...
DIBS!
Edit: do I have your permission?
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Seeing as a lot of people are asking me to expand on this, I think I'm going to go ahead and reserve dibs on this for future writing.
Crap.
Could you at least read my first chapter?
Really adored this story.
"Punchline fanfics," as I like to call them, are notoriously difficult to pull off, and I give you credit for doing this well writing one. I simultaneously knew what was going on and was in the dark about Celestia's motive. However, I think Princess Luna's exposition could have been stronger; I hear "I've seen you do this" multiple times, and it gets weak after a while. I'm just saying it might be nice if we could see more of Luna being just as lost as Celestia is: "I'd ask you why you keep going, but I'd never understand you at this point..." I don't know, Luna just feels like she's a bit too heavy-handed in Celestia's story.
With those final words, Luna rose into the twilit sky and the moon rose with her. There should probably be a comma after "sky." I do commend your correct use of "twilit," though.
Instead of using all caps at one point, you might want to change the verb into something more powerful than "shouted." "Screamed," perhaps? Italics use is nice nonetheless.
“I’ve heard you say that before,” a concerned edge entered Luna’s voice. This is using a nonspeaking verb with a continued quotatation; the ending comma in Luna's speech should be a period (and therefore the "a" afterwards should be capitalized, but you knew that).
Luna nodded, whipping away her tears with a hoof. I know that "whip" is valid verb usage here, but when I read this sentence I assumed that you meant "wiping" and mis-autocorrected. I'm pointing it out anyway.
The entire backstory behind why Luna is still in Equestria when she should be banished to the moon is never explained at all, so I'm mostly forced to guess at why she's there. I guess it could be a different continuity than canon, but I'm assuming that Celestia's daughter died right around when Nightmare Moon was "banished," so that Celestia could have her sister "test" her students, so to speak. The line about Luna's "still alive" daughter also confused me; is it Nyx, or did you just add that for further development? The story skirts a few plotholes, and while it's nothing that distracted me from the story, it still made me wonder while rereading. I'm just not a hundred percent on what's really going on here.
Overall, for a 1,000-word fic, you get your story out, show-don't-tell, and make an impact. If there was a grading scale, I'd give you an 85%, but that can easily be improved with a few tweaks. It's good, really it is.
Sorry for this being so long; I do that a lot.
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The child I referenced as Luna's is Prince Blueblood.
As far as Luna's presence is concerned, I wrote this around the idea that Luna was never actually banished. She just hid herself away, agreeing to let Celestia use her to test potential "replacements" for her daughter.
I'm starting to believe that either Sunset shimmer was a no brainer for a former student or some part of the fandom can see the future