Strange Bedfillies (Or: Nopony Loves Twilight Sparkle)

by Tumbleweed

Chapter 1

"Pinkie Pie," Twilight Sparkle said, very carefully, "why are you in my bed?"

Pinkie blinked her big blue eyes (which, Twilight had to admit, weren't the worst of sights to wake up to). "Because it was cold, silly!"

Twilight stared. "I...do have a guest bed?" she managed.

"Oh, I know, but this one's much more comfortable. And I know you would've slept in the guest bed and let me into your bed but this seemed so much easier. Now enough talking!" Pinkie rolled out of bed, giggling. "What do you want for breakfast? I would've made something earlier, but I was afraid I would wake you up if I tried getting up before you did. Did you know you're really cuddly when you sleep? It was kinda nice, but it makes it hard to get comfortable!" Pinkie Pie rocked back and forth on her hooves. "Then again, after last night, I can totally understand where you were coming from!"

"Last night?" Twilight said. Bits and pieces of the previous evening began to come back to her. The wedding reception. Bouquet toss. Dancing. Whiskey.

"Uh oh."

"Oh, don't worry! It wasn't nearly as bad as that one Tuesday where we had a party and you got liquored up and then wound up barfing on the carpet! You're learning quick! I'm not surprised. I always said you were really smart. We just danced and had a few drinks and then you had a few more drinks and said 'let's go home!' and I said 'okay!' And then you had a few more drinks and I made sure you made it back here 'cause your place is closer and Mr. & Mrs. Cake don't like it that much when I come home really late and make a lot of ruckus. Especially when I bring somepony with me, because then you have TWO ponies making a ruckus! It's a good thing Spike's such a heavy sleeper."

"So...let me get this straight." Twilight Sparkle said. "We...were drinking at the reception last night."

"Of course!"

"And then we started dancing."

"Well, duh!"

"And then we both came back here."

"Yep!"

"Uh." Twilight Sparkle squinted at Pinkie Pie, "Does that mean we...uh...you know..."

"I know...what?"

Twilight felt her cheeks glow. "Did...stuff?"

"What kind of stuff?" Pinkie's expression was one of the utmost innocence (as usual).

"You know." Twilight pawed at the floor. "Stuff."

"OooooOooooooh." Pinkie Pie said. "Thaaaaaaaat." She giggled.

"Uh. Yeah." Twilight Sparkle coughed, and wondered if she was going to have to write a very special letter to Princess Celestia.

"Nope!" Pinkie Pie said.

"...No?" Twilight shook her head just to clear the last vestiges of sleepy fatigue from her mind.

"Nope!" Pinkie Pie repeated. "Perfectly innocent! Platonical! Really Twilight, can't two ponies sleep in the same bed without everyone leaping to conclusions about what they're DOING in that bed? I mean, beds are nice and comfy for sleeping, but I'd much rather do stuff somewhere more interesting, y'know? Like, standing up, or in the bathtub, or outside, or there's this one time I got a bunch of rope and managed to dangle from the ceiling while the other pony-"

"Wait." Twilight Sparkle said, "...are you saying we didn't?"

"Not a thing!" Pinkie giggled. "I mean, around three in the morning you were kind of like 'alahlalhlahl' and had your tongue out, but I think that's just 'cause you drool when you sleep."

"I do not drool in my sleep!" Twilight Sparkle wiped at the corner of her mouth anyway.

"If you say so!" Pinkie Pie nodded. "Don't worry, I won't tell anypony."

"Uh. Thanks. I think?"

"Anyway! You don't have to worry, 'cause like I was saying, we didn't do any stuff."

"You're sure?"

"You would've remembered if we did." Pinkie Pie shot Twilight a sly wink. "Besides, you're not my type."

"I'm not?" Twilight Sparkle blurted, perhaps too quickly.

"Nope!" Pinkie Pie giggled, "I mean, I love ya, Twilight, but only 'friend' love. Not 'unf unf unf' love, y'know?"

"Unf unf unf?" Twilight said.

"Should I find a book on it somewhere?" Pinkie Pie proceeded to peruse the periodicals.

"You don't need to do that, no. But...uh. Hypothetically. If you're not interested in, um...unf-ing, what about that one time I pulled that prank on you and Rainbow Dash? With the package from Princess Celestia? If I hadn't told you it was a prank, you sounded like you would've-"

"Oh!" Pinkie Pie bounced on her hooves, "That was different!"

"How?"

"There would've been three of us! Rainbow Dash is a hoooooottie, if you didn't notice. And you had that big wobbly thing that I'd never seen before, and I'm always happy to try new things!" the pink pony stopped in her tracks- and then began to zip around Twilight's room, rummaging through closets and under the bed. "You don't still have that thing, do you?"

"Er, no."

"Oh, pooh. But like I said, I love ya anyway!" Pinkie Pie pulled Twilight into a (just) friendly hug. "Now don't sound so disappointed!"

"I'm not disappointed!"

"Okay, great! Now what kinda pancakes would you like?"

---

Pinkie Pie made blueberry pancakes.

They were delicious.

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Twilight?" Pinkie Pie said.

"Oh, uh. Pancakes."

Twilight Sparkle munched on another mouthful, and allowed herself a thoughtful 'hm.' Honestly, this was the best breakfast she'd had in quite some time. She made a mental note to start reading more cookbooks. Then again, having Pinkie Pie over on a semi-regular basis would be far easier, she had to admit.

It was only the most logical solution.

"Really?" Pinkie Pie said. "Because you're getting that 'ooooo I am thinking really hard' look on your face, and I think pancakes are a really funny thing to get all philosophical over, but what do I know? I'm not a super-smart magic unicorn wizard pony, like you! I bet there's like the secrets of the universe hidden in that pancake! They must be really small though, 'cause it's so flat. But, oh! That wouldn't work, because everypony knows the world isn't flat, it's round! So really, if you're gonna search for the secrets of the universe, you should get an orange or something!" Pinkie Pie immediately started to rummage through Twilight Sparkle's kitchen, somehow rattling every pot, bowl, plate, and bit of cutlery all at once.

On second thought, Twilight mused, maybe having Pinkie Pie as a semi permanent resident wasn't the best of ideas.

"Here you go!" Pinkie Pie deposited an orange on the table in front of Twilight. "I'd love to stick around and contemplate universes with you, but it's already kinda late in the morning and I need to go check on Gummy 'cause if he doesn't see me for awhile, he'll forget who I am! It's the whole dinosaur-brain thing, I think. Like, he's got one brain in his head and one in his butt, so you'd think he'd be twice as smart, but no! Maybe I should've gotten an elephant as a pet, 'cause they never forget! But then where would I keep all those peanuts? And since it's called Sugarcube Corner and not Peanut Palace I have to go so byeeeeee!"

Pinkie Pie bounced away.

Twilight blinked a few times, and looked down to the orange in front of her. She looked out the open door, then shrugged and began to peel the fruit. She didn't find universal enlightenment within, but Twilight remembered reading somewhere that Vitamin C helped with hangovers. That...kind of counted for something, right?

Comments

[cherrycustard]

Ok....it's in the lines of totally insane but cracked up Twilight there. Damn it I need to read more of this.

[Rhydian Llewellyn]

WIN!

[Pinkamena777]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Fattymagee1]

haha very nicee

[Stormcaller]

Pinkie Pie...you are so random. Its why you'll always best pony to me.

[Lurks-no-More]

Right now, this still looks more like a nomance than a romance! I think Twilight's about to set out for some "unf unf unf", though...

[Baby Seal Burritos]

Very enjoyable read. I look forward to reading more.

[Gabriel LaVedier]

Oh Pinkie… get back in bed with her, you dorkus. You're not going to get a better offer, just on consideration of the political perks, to say nothing of the social ones.

[Octavio the Umbreon]

.....l.....have nothing to say. But u said it anyways

[The Incredible Werekitty]

I was amused.

[MasterZero]

Ahh....There is no truer love.

Awesome. Tracking.

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

Ah, i love you, Twilight! *Hugs*

And you got Pinkie but good there!

[Thorax]

Yes! A sequel to one of my all time favourites :D

[Dubs Rewatcher]

I liked it, but if I were you, I'd rate it Teen.

But that's just my opinion.

[Fallen Prime]

"Because you're getting that 'ooooo I am thinking really hard' look on your face, and I think pancakes are a really funny thing to get all philosophical over, but what do I know?

I just read Pinkie Watches Paint Dry today. The hindsight made this absolutely hysterical.

[rainbowhyphen]

I'm not even exaggerating when I say this: You write Pinkie Pie better than Amy Keating Rogers. *slow clap*
*resumes laughing uncontrollably*

[sensationalmarsupial]

if he doesn't see me for a while, he'll forget who I am!

[Nopetrain]

*Adjusts monocle* Flawless Pinkie dialogue, I must say.

[SedaFox]

"There would've been three of us! Rainbow Dash is a hoooooottie, if you didn't notice. "

^^

[Aster Viridian]

8242449
Quite ^.^