Back to the Lab Again
“Now see, this is why ya don’t drink random jars of water in a lab!” Applejack yelled.
“Applejack, she can’t respond,” Spike said.
Applejack buried her face in her hooves again. “I know, I’m just so...so..frustrated!”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Did you say a...jar of water incapacitated Rainbow Dash?”
“Yeah, she was drinkin’ from it when I smacked it out of her hooves…”
Rarity steeled herself. “Well, then we must go back in there and retrieve the jar!”
Applejack shook her head. “Nuh-uh. There ain’t no way no how I’m going back in there. It’s too dang creepy!”
Rarity stared at Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy expectantly.
“As Queen Twiworm’s head chef, I should really stay and feed her!” Pinkie offered, causing Applejack to facehoof again.
“I’m going to stay with the patient...if that’s alright…” Fluttershy said weakly.
Rarity huffed. “Well, if none of you have the guts to go back down there, then…” Rarity said, then gulped, “I suppose I’ll have to go down there myself! I will need some protection, though…”
Pinkie Pie pulled a hazmat suit out of...somewhere. “How’s this?”
Rarity’s eyes shined. “Oh, that’s perfect!” She slipped into the hazmat suit and headed downstairs.
----
Downstairs, Rarity was soon horrified by the state of the laboratory. Not the tubes, nor the glassware, but the DUST!
“Ooooh, it’s so dusty down here!” She shouted as she started dusting the area with her magic, coming across a jar on the floor with a puddle growing out of it.
“This must be what Rainbow Dash drank…” she said, scooping the liquid back into the jar and sealing it. She then got back to her dusting. She finished dusting the floor, and then started dusting the tables, when she came across the ergot. She then noticed a sheet of paper next to the ergot with some writing on it. She smiled and grabbed the paper, the jar, and headed upstairs.
----
Everypony and dragon turned to the door as Rarity emerged holding the jar and a piece of paper.
“What took ya so long, Rares?” Applejack asked.
“Oh, you wouldn’t believe how dusty it was down there!” She said as she wriggled her way out of the hazmat suit. “Oh, and I found the jar…”
“Well, that’s good and all, but what’s that piece of paper ya have there?”
“It appears to be a recipe of sorts...for a chemical called Lysergsäure-diethylamid.”
“What now?”
Rarity sighed. “I suppose we can call it LSD for short,” she said as she straightened the paper out in front of her. “It says here that you have to dissolve 20 grams of the alkaloid in 200 milliliters of 1 M methanolic KOH solution (this is made by dissolving 14 grams of KOH in 250 milliliters of dry methanol) in a 1 liter evaporation flask (heavy walled construction). Evaporate the methanol off. Add 400 milliliters of 8% aqueous KOH solution to the residue and boil for one hour under a slow stream of nitrogen that is allowed to flow through a small orifice for exhausting purposes...” Rarity stared at the paper in bemusement. “Well, none of this makes a lick of sense…”
“Of courshe is does,” Twilight said, “after that, there remainsh a shmall amount of lysherzhic acid in the filtrate solution. Remove it by bazhifying the sholution with shodium carbonate, and zhen bubbling CO2 through it. Filter it off and add it to the other lysherzhic acid. Now you will need to preshipitate the iso-lysherzhic acid out and convert it…”
Everypony and dragon present stared in awe as what was previously Queen Twiworm rattled off a perfect synthesis of the chemical in the jar, as far as they knew.
“Land o’Goshen…” Applejack said, “you mean to tell me that you made this ON PURPOSE!?” she shouted as she stomped towards Twilight and grabbed her by the scruff.
“Unhand Queen Twiworm this inshtant, ruffian!” Twilight shouted.
“Yeah, unhand the Queen!” Pinkie shouted.
Applejack turned towards Pinkie. “Yer takin’ this whole Queen Twiworm thing a mite too seriously, ya know that?” Pinkie shrugged. Applejack then turned towards Twilight, eyes slitted in anger. “What do you know about this...LSD?”
“Queen Twiworm knowsh nothing about it, she shwears! Back when she wazh just a pony, she had planned on doing some bashic teshting on it...but Queen Twiworm hazh no need anymore!”
Rage flashed in Applejack. She really wanted to smack Twilight as hard as she could. But no matter what hooey she was rambling on about, she was still her friend. So, she unceremoniously dropped her back on the couch.
“Please don’t ponyhandle Twilight around like that, she isn’t well-” Fluttershy started.
“Queen Twiworm!”
“Shut UP! All y’all!” Applejack roared, causing everypony and dragon to jump back. “Twi-”
“Queen Twiwor-”
“Sh’up with that! Anyways, YOU’RE the reason that Dashie’s gone catatonic!” she yelled as she pointed an accusing hoof at Twilight.
Twilight huffed. “Well, Rainbow Dash shouldn’t have been drinking unlabeled solutions in Twilight Sparkle’s laboratory…”
“You mean your lab.” Applejack said angrily.
“No, Twilight Sparkle wazh my larval form. Queen Twiworm izh what I am now!”
Applejack’s right eye twitched spasmodically, her entire body turning red while shivering. She then dropped to her knees and screamed. She screamed for the mess Twilight had gotten them into. She screamed for the mess Twilight had gotten herself into. She screamed for Rainbow Dash’s predicament. But most of all, she screamed to keep hold of the last vestige of sanity that questioned how the six of them always got into messes like this. Hey girls, take care of the dragon in the hills! Hey girls, trap the Lord of Chaos in stone! Hey girls, your best friend’s foalsitter was replaced by a changeling! Girls, bring peace to the Crystal Empire! Girls, save a tree!
Applejack started sobbing into her hooves. “I c-can’t take it anymore! W-why do WE have to put up w-with all this n-nonsense day in and day out? I j-just wanna be a normal pony w-who doesn’t have to d-deal with this...hogwash!” Fluttershy inched towards Applejack and threw a foreleg around her shoulder.
“I understand, Applejack. But we have to be brave for Twilight-”
“Queen Twiworm!” Twilight shouted
“-Queen Twiworm now.”
Applejack pulled her head out of her hooves, tears streaming down her face. “I kn-know, but who’s g-gonna be b-brave for me?”
Fluttershy pulled in Applejack and held her tight. “I will, Applejack.”
Applejack cried into Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Th-thank ya, sugarcube.”
A knock was heard from the door. Pinkie Pie leapt up and answered it, wanting to avoid the unpleasant scene. “Welcome to Golden Oaks-” and Pinkie stopped. “Princess Celestia!”
Princess Celestia smiled warmly at Pinkie, who bowed low. “Hello, Pinkie Pie. I believe Twilight Sparkle is having some trouble?”
“Queen Twiworm!” Twilight Sparkle shouted.
Celestia stepped in, raising an eyebrow, everypony and dragon except Dash and Twilight bowing in her presence. “Did she just call herself Queen Twiworm?”
“Yes” Rarity and Pinkie Pie said in unison.
“And why did she call herself that?”
“Long story.” Pinkie Pie and Rarity said at the same time.
“I see.” Celestia said, approaching the center of the room and sitting down. “Well, I think it would serve us well if you explained to me what happened.”
“Rainbows?” Rainbow Dash finally said in a reverent tone as she turned her head to lay her eyes on Celestia, tears flowing down her cheeks. Celestia stared bemusedly at Rainbow Dash.
“Did she just...pray rainbows at me?”
“Don’t ask.” Rarity and Pinkie said simultaneously.
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LOL dat title
And poor AJ
Poor AJ, out of all of them, she is the most normal who wish for a life at the farm instead of being a hero. Twilight better make it up to her and make ruins that prevent Rainbow Dash from entering the lab to prevent a Pinkie Pie Version of Rainbow Dash. She lucky it wasn't dangerous as a lot of chemicals that can kill a person is clear.
Absolutely insane.
I'm in love.
Earned the fave. So damn hilarious, man.
3973878
Still, AJ is being a bitch here.
LOLOLOL!!! Queen Twiworm and Rainbow Dash praying for rainbows seriously don't let those two watch Eraserhead while they are still on LSD or they will get a very scary trip
3973773 YES! That's exactly what I was going for! I'm so glad someone caught that!
Did you really just tell people exactly how to make LSD?
Gonna have to side with Twilight here. Why would anyone, pony or otherwise, in their right mind, walk into a lab, pick up a container of unidentified liquid, and DRINK it?
4103762 I would hope at least some of it was fake...
*sanity lost* Okay what the hay.
How in Equestria is every chapter somehow more baffingly entertaining than the last?
This makes no sense!
OMFG Twi is on LSD!!!!!
4964727
It's just the first steps, but it's spot on so far.
Not that it's hard to find out anyway. Plenty of published literature on it, even if you don't wanna go all the way back to Hoffman's work.
EDIT: and "first" obviously depends on your feedstock, as well. Larval twilight had a hoofful of natural product isolation to do first.
I can't get enough of this Queen Twiworm thing. Or maybe it's just that I'm a fan of Twilight when she completely looses her mind.
5655970
Maybe not hard to find, but someone doing their homework is always admirable.