The Sun in Flight
Rainbow Dash kept her distance from the cluster of ponies massed in the hallway. Who did they think they were fooling? They were making so much noise that Princess Celestia could probably hear them all the way over in Canterlot.
“Did you bring the present?” Twilight Sparkle whispered.
Sweetie Belle nodded and pointed to a box perched on Apple Bloom’s back. Covered more with tape than anything else, its wrinkled cardboard showed through gaps in the mismatched scraps of wrapping paper. Rainbow caught herself grinning at it before she remembered not to be interested and huffed out a “let’s get this over with” sigh.
“Cake?” Twilight asked.
Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. Yeah, like Pinkie’d go anywhere without cake.
Twilight jerked her head toward the open door. “Okay. We jump out on three. One—”
“Wait, sugarcube. Right on three, or is there a ‘go’ afterward?” Applejack said as she scratched her head.
“On ‘go,’ I guess,” replied Twilight. When everypony else had nodded back, she took a deep breath. “Okay. One… two… thr—”
“Surprise!” Pinkie cried, leaping through the doorway with the cake balanced on top of her head.
“Surprise,” came a halfhearted murmur in echo as the rest filed in behind her. Except Fluttershy. She’d ducked her head to the floor and had it covered with her hooves.
“Is it over?” she squeaked.
“Yes, dear. You’re the only one miss—” Rarity’s head soon poked back into the hallway and found Rainbow Dash still leaning against the wall. Raising an eyebrow, Rarity perked her ears up. “Are you coming?”
Dash shrugged. It was just another kid party. It’s not like she didn’t have better things to do.
“Come on, Rainbow Dash. You know what this would mean to her.” Suddenly, Rarity’s eyes didn’t have that usual sparkle.
Dash tensed her legs to walk, but… she just scratched a hoof at the floor. If she gave in, then Rarity won. Or something. Besides, if she went in, she might—Rainbow tensed her cheeks and bit her lip.
“Rainbow Dash, you get in here this instant!” Rarity growled through a clenched jaw.
Finally, her hooves were listening to her. Or Rarity. Whatever. She trudged the last few steps down the hall and into Scootaloo’s room.
“Happy birthday!” everypony chorused as Scootaloo sat up in her bed and buzzed her wings. Her mouth gaped open, and she swung her head from one side to the other, taking in all the cheery grins directed at her.
“And happy almost New Year’s Eve, too!” Pinkie added.
Scootaloo giggled and bounced up a little on her mattress. “Wow! I wasn’t expecting—”
“O’ course not, sugarcube!” Applejack said through her chuckling. “Now, put out that candle and make a wish!”
Scootaloo clasped her hooves together, closed her eyes, tilted her head back, and let the corners of her mouth turn upward faintly. After a long minute, Fluttershy and Pinkie exchanged glances, but Scootaloo finally opened her eyes again and blew the candle out.
As soon as Pinkie had given a hearty “Woo hoo!” and carried the cake over to the desk to cut it up, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle hopped up on the bed beside Scootaloo.
“Happy birthday, Scootaloo! We got you this!” declared Apple Bloom as she bucked the package into the air, then bounced it off the top of her head and let it plop down in front of Scootaloo, who immediately tore at the paper and flipped the box’s lid open.
From the back of the crowd, Rainbow Dash rocked up on her hooftips, flared her wings, and craned her neck to see over everypony. A warm sensation flooded her chest, and she held her breath at the immense grin on Scootaloo’s face until…
Scootaloo held up a new helmet, painted with rainbow stripes. “I love it!” she shouted, tugging her new prize over her head and fastening the chin strap.
Dash felt the blood rush from her face. Why couldn’t that filly obsess over somepony else right now? Even a week ago, she would have welcomed the chance to have Scootaloo follow her around, hang on her every word, tell her how awesome she was. And Rarity was right—she’d agreed to join the party, but now that the day had arrived, she only wanted to crawl back into bed, at least until after tomorrow. She sank to her haunches, folded her wings back, and tried to keep her knees steady.
Ow!
Dash rubbed her side where Rarity had jabbed her in the ribs. She almost shot a glare back, but Rarity pantomimed drawing a smile on her face—Dash settled for a forced grin, but she still leveled a half-lidded stare at Rarity.
“Today’s your special day!” Apple Bloom shouted as she leapt back and forth across Scootaloo’s bed. After the third hop, Applejack put a hoof on her sister’s shoulder and shook her head slowly. Frowning, Apple Bloom hung her head and folded her ears back.
“You can do anything you want!” said Sweetie Belle, her tail swishing around. “So, what are you gonna do for the perfect birthday?”
“Hm. I was thinking…” Scootaloo held a hoof to her chin and stuck her tongue out the side of her mouth.
“Yes?” said Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle in unison as they leaned forward and opened their eyes wide.
“Well, I’ve got an idea for a new crusade.” Scootaloo snapped a sharp nod and beckoned them closer. She flicked her eyes back and forth between them. “It seems to me that we’ve never done much crusading in the snow. Now, obviously my cutie mark will be about speed and style. I think it’s time we hit the slopes.”
Apple Bloom drew her eyebrows together for a moment. “But… there’s no snow on the ground. And we’re not scheduled to get any for a couple o’ weeks.”
A bright grin spreading across her face, Scootaloo spotted Dash ducking behind Rarity and Fluttershy. “I know. Rainbow Dash can do it!”
Everypony turned to look at Dash, and a shock ran down her spine. She jumped and rubbed a hoof at the back of her neck. Perfect. No chance of slipping out of here unnoticed. If not for Rarity, she might have gotten out of this altogether. “Oh. Well… I dunno. I’d have to request a permit for a temporary weather modification. Could take a week or two…”
“Oh, Dash,” Twilight said, wrinkling her nose and shaking her head. “Are they really going to care about one hill out in the countryside? Besides, you’re the one who issues permits around here.”
Cocking her head and giggling, Pinkie said, “Hee hee! Silly filly! Dashie’s just pulling your leg. Of course she can do that for you, Scootaloo!”
“Um… Heh heh.” Rainbow took a steadying breath and let her shoulders slump. No avoiding it, then. “Yeah, I guess that would work. When do you want to go? Sometime after lunch?”
“Why not right now?” Scootaloo answered. “I’ve got a lot planned, so we better get started early!” She tossed the blanket off and bounced down to the foot of the bed with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.
“Oh…” Rainbow froze and rolled her eyes down toward the floor. Of all days! When they’d first scheduled the party for today, she’d gone along with it, no problem. But she’d had far too long to think about it since then.
She bit her tongue—why was Spike looking at her like that? Like… he knew. Her stomach churned. If she could go home, or to work, or… wherever. As long as she was alone.
“Ssst!” Rarity hissed under her breath, glaring at Rainbow. “You said you’d help out!” she added in a harsh whisper.
“Yeah, but I didn’t think I’d have to do everything,” Dash muttered. When she looked back up, there were enough stern glances directed back at her to make her shudder. Fine. She squared her shoulders and tried to look bored. It was just one morning. She could make it through okay.
Dash managed a weak smile and gestured toward the door. “Right this way, kids.” She let out a long breath—no reason to take it out on the fillies, she supposed. They hadn’t done anything wrong.
She glanced at Spike, still up on Twilight’s back. “You wanna come, too?” He nodded vigorously, but that strange smile remained. She wasn’t sure she liked it. “Well, c’mon.”
“I-I’ll catch up in a minute,” he said, hopping down to the floor.
For a moment, she stared him down. What was he playing at? With a sigh and a shrug, she stepped out into the hallway—the fillies had already gone downstairs. She smirked, paused just outside the door, and pricked her ears.
“Did… anypony else think Rainbow Dash was acting a little odd?” Spike asked. Dash clenched her jaw.
No answer, but a couple of ponies cleared their throats.
“I think she’s upset about something,” he continued.
“Um… good call,” Twilight said. “I think you’re learning to read ponies well.”
“Really?”
“Yes, number one assistant. I’m proud of you.” Dash could hear the smile in Twilight’s voice, clear as day.
“C-can I… Can I be the one to talk to her about it?” Spike asked. The scratch of a claw scuffing against the floorboards carried into the hall. “You girls always get to tell Princess Celestia about what friendship lesson you learned and write in your journal, and… I’d like to do one.”
“I think that’s a great idea, Spike,” Twilight answered. “That’s very sweet of you to want to help. Just… go easy on her.”
Dash squeezed her eyes shut, and the bile rose in her throat. So everypony thought they had everything figured out, huh? Well, they didn’t. Nothing more than a bad mood. Tomorrow, or… maybe the next day. Things might get better. And then they’d leave her alone. Quietly, she flapped down the hall before Spike could catch her listening.
“This is the perfect one, Dash!” Scootaloo shouted, pointing up a long slope just outside Sweet Apple Acres. “I could get going so fast down this one. I can see it now: my cutie mark’ll be a flaming icicle!” She flashed a toothy grin and rubbed her hooves together.
“A flaming what now?” Apple Bloom remarked, scrunching her face up. “Do those things burn?”
“If you get it going fast enough, I bet anything can.” Scootaloo nodded sharply.
“I can try to light one,” Spike offered, “but… Princess Celestia might not appreciate it.”
“Oh, c’mon!” Sweetie Belle said, giving him a pointed stare. “That wouldn’t happen! That only works for paper, right?”
“I was just kidding,” Spike muttered as he folded his arms and turned his back.
Rainbow forgot herself for a moment and chuckled, but she caught it before it got away from her. This day couldn’t end fast enough for her taste. So, the weather, then.
She glanced around and spotted a large gray cloud in the distance and left them discussing flammability as she raced out to get it. After she’d checked it over, she braced her hooves against it and shoved it back to their hill. She grabbed a pointy tendril at one end in her teeth and swung it around and around, faster and faster, until the cold air had turned the few drops leaking from it into ice.
That should be chilled enough. Next step: get all that ice on the ground. “Heads up!” she called, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders retreated over to the next hill.
Dash rubbed a hoof at her chin and nudged the cloud this way and that, finally satisfied that she had it centered over the hillside. She rocketed straight up into the sky, then turned back earthward. Each second, she built up more and more speed, the icy blast of wind making her eyes water. She braced a shoulder against the impact and plowed into the cloud, which immediately plopped a thick white blanket over the hilltop. The snowy wave rolled down the incline, leaving the whole thing buried under several inches of fresh white powder.
Perfect! She couldn’t wait to see the big smiles on their—
Rainbow clenched her jaw. Why couldn’t she get those fillies out of her head? She only had to stay out here a token hour at most, and then she could go home, get away, try to forget…
She wiped at the tingle in her nose. Not now. She needed to keep it together.
Before she even had a chance to bite her lip, a bolt of green flame erupted through the snow at the foot of the hill, and Spike climbed out from under a thick drift. Rainbow hurried to his side and rubbed a hoof down her muzzle. “Oh, jeez. Sorry, Spike. You okay?”
“Yeah. Heh. That was fun!” he said, giggling.
“Thank goodness,” Dash hissed through her teeth.
“Um… Dash?”
He had that same look on his face, like he did earlier in Scootaloo’s room. Whatever “talk” he wanted to have with her, she knew enough to wriggle out from under it. “Hey,” she said, pointing to where the three fillies had already clambered to the top of the hill. “You’d better get up there while you can. Only so many hours of daylight.”
Spike squinted at her, opened his mouth again, and kicked at the snow, but at the sound of squeals coming down the slope, he rushed around to the back and clawed his way up.
Over and over again, the girls flew down the hill on their sleds, and Spike on his belly scales. Screeches and laughter and shouting floated through the air, and perched in a nearby tree, Rainbow grinned from the bare branches. She couldn’t help it—Scootaloo giggled until she wheezed, dragged her sled back up so many times that her legs shook, and never lost that beautiful smile. Lost in the moment, just like she deserved. Like a child should be.
Dash closed her eyes and listened. If she concentrated, she could keep a straight face, and maybe they would think she’d fallen asleep. Alone at last. Kind of, anyway. Not so she could let herself go, but… she breathed a little easier and pricked her ears forward—
A frightened yell. Dash’s eyes shot open—a sled, its front end buried in a mound of snow, and Scootaloo in midair. Her limbs flailed about as she tumbled toward the hard ground past the snowdrifts.
Dash bolted from the tree, snatched Scootaloo from the air, and wrapped the filly in her hooves. No time to flap her wings and get airborne again—she arched her body around Scootaloo and took the full impact on her own shoulder.
For the longest time, she lay there shivering. She barely heard Scootaloo saying something, and the others, too. Their voices came from all around, but her own panting flooded her ears, and her heart raced.
“You okay?” finally made it through the fog and into Dash’s head, but she didn’t know who’d said it. Apple Bloom, maybe. She nodded and gulped.
“Look,” Rainbow said, letting Scootaloo go with a pat on the back and folding her forehooves to keep them from shaking. “Maybe we should call it a day. Sun won’t be up much longer anyway.” She gritted her teeth against the buzzing in her head.
Scootaloo stuck out her lower lip. “Aww. I really got launched that time. I bet I could go even farther!”
That girl sure had some nerve—Dash had to give her credit. But she shook her head. “’Fraid not. We should get back to town.” And then Dash could finally go home and… what? Try to find some other distraction? Being alone sounded worse all the time, but still the best of a bunch of bad options. She punched a hoof in the dirt.
“But Dash! I thought we’d still do some more stuff together!” Scootaloo said.
Was this kid really going to hold her hostage all day long? “What did you have in mind?” Dash grumbled, and immediately regretted it when she saw Scootaloo’s drooping ears.
“Can we have lunch together?” Scootaloo asked in a soft voice. “You know, that place you always say has the best grilled mushroom sandwich in all of Equestria?”
“Long past lunch, squirt.”
“Well… I guess it can be dinner, too.”
Dash bit back the sharp words she felt gathering in her throat. “Fine.” Wasn’t all morning and half the afternoon enough? It’s not like she needed to beg—of course Rainbow would do that for her, except… Rainbow sighed. The day had actually gone okay so far. A little more wouldn’t hurt, and she shouldn’t lump all this on Scootaloo, either. She softened her expression. “Sure, Scoots. Let’s go.”
“Sorry, girls—and Spike,” Scootaloo said to her friends. “It’s in Cloudsdale. You couldn’t walk on the clouds.”
“Oh, y’all go on,” Apple Bloom replied with a wave of her hoof. “We’ll stay here and do a bit more sleddin’. But don’t forget this!” She daubed a snow cutie mark on Scootaloo’s flank, and all three fillies giggled.
While they hugged and waved good-bye, Spike sidled up to Rainbow. “You sure you’re okay?” he asked.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Dash gave him a pointed stare.
“I just thought… you seemed…”
“Ready, Dash?” Scootaloo said.
“Yeah, kid, c’mon—”
Spike tugged softly at her wing. “I… Rainbow Dash, I’ll still be here when you get back. Will you stop by and tell me how everything went? Please?”
First Rarity, and now Spike, too? Did anypony else want to run her life today, too? She forced out a sharp breath. “Yeah.” She guessed she owed him for burying him in the snow, anyway.
Rainbow bent low to let Scootaloo scramble onto her back. The poor thing was still breathing heavy from her sledding. A gentle flight, then, nothing too strenuous. She trotted off, gathering speed gradually for takeoff. “You okay?” she said over her shoulder, and she felt a nod against her neck. Would Scootaloo admit it if she wasn’t? Not all ponies would—
Dash bit her lip hard.
“I can see Canterlot from up here!” Scootaloo shouted. She opened her wings straight out and twisted them a bit in the air stream, experimenting with the force of lifting herself a little off Dash’s back.
“Yeah. And way over there is the mountain where we chased off that dragon.” Rainbow added a punctuating snort. “I kicked him. Right between the eyes, and he never came back.” At their easy pace, she only needed to flap once every few seconds. It was actually… relaxing. She let her hooves dangle limply below her and soaked up the sun’s warmth at her back. Every few seconds, she felt the little tug of hooves at her mane as she towed Scootaloo along, and the occasional gasp or comment reached her ears.
It felt so nice. She could lose herself forever. But a forever on the wrong side of tomorrow.
“Well, duh! He didn’t want to mess with Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo said. Rainbow’s mind snapped back to reality. Tucking her wings in, Scootaloo settled down onto Rainbow again and let go of her mane.
“Heh.” Dash’s smile lingered a little while as she angled toward Cloudsdale’s downtown area. Just her and the kid. This… wasn’t so bad without everypony else around. Maybe—maybe this would turn out okay. She took a deep breath and tried to convince herself of that.
At the end of their brief flight, Rainbow weaved through a few streets near the edge of the city, then set down in a back alley, where a flickering neon sign read “Skyline Diner.” They walked in the front door, and the jingling bell prompted a head to pop out the kitchen door.
“Rainbow Dash! It’s been a while! Your usual seat?” the cook asked, jerking his head toward the corner booth.
Dash nodded. Greasy Spoon had the same apron as always. Stained in—heh!—a rainbow of colors, and she was sure that none of them was the original. “Good to see you again, Spoon.” She slid into the bench just inside the front window and patted its surface next to her. “Best seat in the house!” she remarked to Scootaloo.
The filly craned her neck a bit to where she could see a narrow patch of sky between a couple of the buildings. From there, she found the edge of the weather factory, where new clouds puffed out a few times a minute. “Um… nice view?”
“That’s why we call it Skyline Diner!” Greasy Spoon roared as he gave Dash a hearty clap on the shoulder. “Who’s your friend?”
“Greasy Spoon, this is Scootaloo,” Dash said, one side of her mouth curled up into a slight grin.
“Out for an evenin’ on the town, huh?” He scratched behind his ear with his pencil.
“Nothing too exciting, Spoon. Gonna head back home after this, I think.”
“Ah. Saving it up for New Year’s Eve, I see. Got big plans for tomorrow, then?” Spoon shot her a knowing look, but he creased his brow when Dash shook her head quickly and cast her gaze down.
He didn’t know any better, but that didn’t keep his words from stabbing her like needles. She struggled to mash together some kind of reply—maybe Scootaloo hadn’t heard.
“No, not going out tomorrow,” Scootaloo replied absentmindedly as she fiddled with the pepper shaker. That sweet smile on her face, so trusting. All of them, too trusting. Everypony just assumed that…
“Alright, what can I get ya?” Spoon squinted at Dash’s forced smile.
“Two of your mushroom specials and some hot cocoa. Water, too.”
He scratched a few lines on his notepad. “Comin’ right up.”
When he’d left, Rainbow studied the well-worn tabletop and didn’t say anything. What was there to say? In the sky, at least she was an expert. Here… She just watched Scootaloo, who seemed fascinated with those batches of fluff floating out of the factory like clockwork. Cloud after cloud, all the same, but still she stared, that little smile never leaving her face.
And Dash stared, too. She stared at some other day, maybe a few years past. When times were simpler. All of them, out in the park, tossing a ball around or splashing in the lake. Not like now, with Dash and her—and her stupid self, trying to run away and hide from…
Scared. Just like when she’d cowered in the ready area during the Best Young Flyers Competition. And when Discord had convinced her to abandon everypony to go save Cloudsdale. Always scared, always running off to be alone. Dash rubbed her eyes and held a breath. And Scootaloo—she could somehow shrug it all off. So, what would Dash do this time? Run away again or do something to earn the trust that Scootaloo placed in her?
The clink of plates against the table jerked both of them back into the moment, and Dash forced a cough to cover the sound of her sniffle. Sinking her teeth into her sandwich, Scootaloo let out a low moan. “Mmmm. It’s even better than you said!” By the time Dash was halfway through hers, Scootaloo had already wolfed the whole thing down. And seconds later, she hiccupped. Then again.
“Whoa! Take it easy!” Dash leaned over and thumped Scootaloo on the back. “Drink some water.”
Scootaloo drained half her glass, and when she came up for air, she sat still for a minute before smiling. “They’re gone.” She took a deep breath, then munched on her potato chips and pickle slowly while waiting for Dash to finish her meal.
Dash did so in silence, looking anywhere but at Scootaloo. All around them, the few late-afternoon customers chatted away, and sounds of silverware clinking against dishes added punctuation. A strong smell of vegetable soup floated out of the kitchen. The front door’s bell tinkled and hinges squeaked every few minutes when the mail carrier came by, the odd police officer wanted a hit of coffee after his shift, or some pedestrian needed a place to get out of the winter air and read her newspaper while enjoying a piece of pie. In the right circumstances, the rhythm could be hypnotic. If she let it. Or needed it to be.
She shook her head.
That filly. Staring at the clouds again, and the occasional burst of rainbow. Was she really happy just sitting there? Rainbow picked up the pace a bit, if only to get this day over with a bit quicker, to get home and—she guessed she’d made her choice, then. Last bite down. “You want the rest of my chips, Scoot? I’m not gonna eat ’em.”
“No. I’m full.” A thin ribbon of blue sky reflecting in her eyes, Scootaloo smiled up at Dash, who kept her gaze locked on her cocoa.
“Anything else? Dessert?” Greasy Spoon asked as he walked over and slid their check onto the table.
“I’ve still got cake waiting for me,” Scootaloo replied, her ears perking up.
“Oh, really? What for?”
Scootaloo gave a sharp nod and flared her wings. “It’s my birthday,” she declared.
“You don’t say?” Spoon poked Rainbow in the shoulder. “Why’d you bring her to a dive like this, then? Hah!”
“I can’t help it if your mushroom sandwiches are the stuff of legends,” Dash answered. She took a deep breath. Almost over. Just a short flight back to Ponyville, then she could hole up in her home and… Not really an improvement, but at least she’d be alone.
“Alright then. Have a great day, the both o’ you. Don’t be a stranger, Dash!”
Rainbow picked up the bill, dug a small stack of bits out of her saddlebag, and tossed a couple extra on the table. She glanced back at Scootaloo and motioned toward the door.
They both took their last swallow of cocoa, and Scootaloo followed her out into the street. “So, was that all? Day’s almost over.” Poor kid. She looked wilted and could barely keep her eyes open. “Shouldn’t we head back?”
Nodding, Scootaloo added, “But can we take the long way? I was hoping to go for a flight.” Her knees wobbled, just barely. But Dash noticed. She clenched her jaw, but what else could she do? Say no?
Again, Dash bent down to let Scootaloo on her back. “I’m not feeling up to doing any stunts this late. You don’t look like you are, either.” The filly’d pushed herself hard today. Dash sure hadn’t, but then why did she feel so tired?
Scootaloo blinked hard, and her eyes didn’t open all the way. She let out a big yawn, and it took all of Rainbow’s willpower to hold one of her own in. “I know,” Scootaloo said. “I don’t care if it’s a lazy flight. I just wanted to spend it with you.”
Rainbow swallowed hard and glanced around at the few pedestrians in the street as her pulse picked up. She trotted the couple of blocks to the city’s edge. Leaping off and into the sky, she turned easy circles to gain altitude gradually, and once she had enough height to clear all the rooftops, she skimmed over toward the far end of town.
“Down there’s my old neighborhood when I was a filly,” she said, pointing at a row of nondescript apartments. “Those old streets are where I first learned to fly. Every day after school. And over there—” she angled her head toward a large open field with a couple of racecourses “—is where I went to flight camp. That’s where I first learned to fly again.”
“Again?” Scootaloo raised her head from where she’d allowed it to rest on Rainbow’s neck.
“Yeah. Raw talent’s one thing, but you don’t get the most out of it if you don’t really understand it.” Banking gently to the south, Dash flew over the city’s large stadium. “And that’s where I was in the Best Young Flyers Competition.” She pursed her lips. Why’d she bring that up? Probably just to torture herself.
“I know,” Scootaloo slurred.
Rainbow raised her eyebrows and craned her neck around at her passenger. “How’d you know that?”
Blushing, Scootaloo looked to the side. “I snuck over and watched from the ground.”
The girl had spirit. Dash had to give her that.
The sun was just dipping below the horizon, and Dash could see the interplay of color in the high cirrus clouds above. She continued circling for some time, letting the orange evening glow wash over her. It was nice. Peaceful. She closed her eyes and took a deep sniff of the winter air. Some fires going in hearths below, somepony roasting chestnuts, maybe some gingerbread baking. The feeling of her hooves dangling free with nothing under them. Dangling free. In fact, she could almost forget…
Eyeing the fading light to the west one more time, she broke the silence. “We can swing by Canterlot, but then it’ll be dark, and we should head back. Okay?” No answer. “Scoot?”
Dash felt a stirring on her back. “Hm?”
“I was just saying—we should go home after we pass by Canterlot. Okay?”
“Mmhmm.”
More long minutes of silence. But… Dash’s knotted muscles relaxed a bit. The wind rushing over her wings, that soft breath on her coat. Though there was a bite to the chilly night air, a pleasant warmth ran through her body. In the moment, it was… If she could just stay in the moment, it was blissful. She closed her eyes and couldn’t help smiling. But moments end.
Everything had dimmed to a dusky purple, and Rainbow kept on course for the twinkling lights that drew near, high on a mountain slope. “Rainbow Dash?” came a faint voice from a little below her ear.
If it had been any louder, it might have made Dash jump, but it was just right. “Yeah?”
“I… know you’re tough, Rainbow Dash. I wanna be just like you. That’s why I didn’t wanna risk making you think I was all sappy or something.” A light sigh brushed Rainbow’s neck. “But I wanted to say… I love you.” Dash felt Scootaloo’s muzzle snuggle a little harder into her mane.
Rainbow’s eyes widened. Her mouth worked in silence as she tried to sort out something to say. But what? She had to say something! No way she could leave that hanging out there! She forced air from her lungs, but all she could do was croak. The fan club. Following her around everywhere. Spending her entire birthday with her! It’s not like it wasn’t obvious. Say something!
Her pulse pounded in her head, and lights danced in front of her eyes, but not the familiar ones of Canterlot. She—she thought she might pass out. No! Rainbow Dash didn’t get lightheaded. Weak ponies did that. Not Dash.
Rainbow came to a hover and looked behind her to see she’d overshot Canterlot by several miles. “Scootaloo?” she said, her voice quaking. Maybe she wouldn’t be able to tell. “Scootaloo?” she asked a bit louder, her tightened throat at least making a steadier sound.
That tingling sensation returned. Her head swam. “Scootaloo!” The tears she’d fought back all day surged up again, and she couldn’t handle both them and the air at the same time. She dove for the ground and leaned her head back to nudge her passenger.
“Hm?” Scootaloo finally answered.
Pulling up while still a short distance above the ground, Dash took a few deep, shuddering breaths and buried her face in her hooves. She didn’t think she’d started trembling, but now she felt her hooves shaking against her eyes. “Scoot, I…” She waited a minute, but no further response. Asleep again.
Dash stared at the dirt. Always there, unmoving. It cut her world in half. She hated it. Right now, she hated it more than anything. She… she just needed to go home, alone in the clouds. And take Scootaloo back to Ponyville first, of course.
Ponyville.
Dash had forgotten all about Spike. No way he’d stayed out this late. It’d serve him right for butting in, anyway.
She tensed her shoulders and flew toward the snowy hill at the highest speed she could muster. Soon, she saw the frozen expanse reflecting the soft moonlight. Sweeping down the slope, Dash finally spotted a small purple shape curled up at the bottom, asleep and shivering faintly against the snowbank. He lay wrapped up in both Apple Bloom’s and Sweetie Belle’s scarves. Dash hovered above him and jostled his arm. “Spike! Hey, Spike!”
He stirred, blinked a few times, rubbed his eyes, and looked up at her. “I’m sorry, Spike! Scoot wanted to go flying after lunch, and I forgot all about you. You should have gone home!”
Spike shook his head. “I’m fine. Did you two have fun?”
“I think so. At least she did.” Rainbow jerked her nose toward her back. “I…”
“Why don’t you come down here? You’ve gotta be tired from all that flying.”
“No.”
“But Rainbow—”
“No!” Dash could just make out his scowl in the pale light.
“Why not?” he asked as he stood and brushed the snow off himself.
“I… I don’t know.” Dash shook her head and looked away. “I don’t know why. I’m just not ready. Okay?”
Spike clasped his claws together and didn’t answer. She gave him a minute, but everypony seemed determined to keep her from doing what she wanted to do today. “Go home, Spike. Twilight’d let me have it if you caught a cold on my account.”
“But I wanted to…”
“Spike. Spit it out or let me go,” she growled at him.
He pursed his lips and sat a moment longer, but then the words came rolling out. “I know why you’ve been upset lately, and I asked Twilight if I could talk to you, since I never get to be the one to write what I learned about friendship. So she told me I could, and I don’t wanna let her down.”
“Spike, I’m really not the touchy-feely type. I’d rather not—”
“She’s going to be okay, Rainbow Dash.” He peered up at her in the dim glow. “You’re worried about Scootaloo. But she’ll be fine. It’s not that big a deal. Nopony else seems so concerned, including Scootaloo. Just think of how much better she’ll feel afterward.”
“That’s what they say…” Rainbow turned her face away from the moonlight, but the glistening snow didn’t give her much darkness. “I dunno. I just want… I don’t know!” she said, forcing a steadiness in her voice.
Her back turned to Spike, she wiped a hoof across her nose. Maybe he didn’t notice. She flapped harder, her movements less crisp and more labored than before. That weight on her back…
Dash sniffled hard and coughed. “Spike… keep this to yourself, okay?”
He nodded. “I won’t rat you out.” She’d given him a fragile smile and ascended a bit to fly away when she heard his voice again. “Why don’t you come by the library tomorrow? Nopony else will be there, and you can wait with me and Twilight. Just us, nice and quiet.”
She hovered in place for a moment longer. “Thanks, Spike. You might even have something to write in our friendship journal.” Rainbow smiled, more genuine this time, as his eyes lit up. Then she flew off again.
Her shoulders protesting with each flap, Rainbow winged toward town. The last few familiar landmarks passed by below: Town Hall, Carousel Boutique, the river. She found her destination and hung in the air over the front walk for a minute before a tightening in her wing warned her of an imminent cramp. Whether she wanted it or not, the flight was over. She dropped the last few inches to the pavement and didn’t let her knees absorb the landing. It jolted her. It hurt. It should.
By some miracle, Scootaloo didn’t wake up.
After several hours of darkness, the harsh artificial light of the lobby stabbed into her vision when she went through the front door. She trotted down the hall, up the stairs, and found Scootaloo’s darkened room. Number two-eighteen. That warm breath still on her neck… She sighed and leaned over, letting Scootaloo slide into her bed, then rolled her onto her side and pulled the covers up.
“Dash?” Scootaloo mumbled.
“Yeah, kid?”
“I had fun. Thanks.”
“No problem. Say, when is your birthday really?” Dash leaned in close to hear the whispered answer.
“In four days. On the third. But I probably wouldn’t have felt up to it then.”
Rainbow patted her shoulder and smiled in the darkness. “Well, I hope you had a good one.”
“Yeah.” Scootaloo’s breathing slowed, and Dash figured she’d already dozed off when she spoke again. “Dash, I-I’m a little scared. I didn’t wanna tell you, but…”
“Nothing wrong with that,” Dash answered. She gently unstrapped the rainbow-striped helmet, slid it off, and placed it on the bedside table next to the covered cake platter.
Bravery didn’t mean having no fear. It meant accepting that fear and going on in spite of it. Even more so to admit it. Dash stopped fighting the feeling in the pit of her stomach. No more running away—she’d face that hurt head-on. “Scoot?” No answer. Just the steady rise and fall of her chest and the soft rush of breath.
She leaned over a little farther and kissed Scootaloo on her forehead. “I love you too, kid.” There might have been a faint smile, and Scootaloo wriggled a little harder into her pillow.
Stepping out into the hallway, where the lights had also been dimmed for the overnight hours, Rainbow looked in both directions and didn’t see anypony. Just a few cabinets and scattered bits of equipment. She turned toward the stairs and went far enough to be out of Scootaloo’s earshot.
Dash remembered from her own time in the hospital that a shift change happened right about now. The day nurses would sign out, and the night staff would pick up their assignments downstairs. She probably had about ten minutes before somepony came up here.
Just a minor heart defect, one that had made Scootaloo get easily fatigued lately. And one the doctors said was very straightforward to repair. No problem, nothing to worry about. So why had it hit Dash like a ton of bricks?
And why was Scootaloo the strong one? Everypony should know Rainbow Dash as the unbreakable pony. Nothing bothered her. Gritting her teeth, Rainbow winced at a cramp in her spent left wing.
She wouldn’t hide at home tomorrow. Not in the library either, though she did appreciate the offer. No, tomorrow she’d wait right here. She’d watch Scootaloo wake up after her surgery, and she’d get back to the business of earning that filly’s adoration.
“I love you too, kid,” she whispered into the silence. About ten minutes of solitude left—a little less now. She slumped against the wall and slid down it until she lay huddled on the floor, her head in her hooves. Rainbow Dash cried as quietly as possible.
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Subtle and touching, and it has the perfect amount of conflict for a quiet little slice of life fic.
That's a lovely little story. A past friend (as in, I don't live near them anymore and have fallen out of touch) had multiple open heart transplant surgeries before I knew her. She was remarkably upbeat. I guess it's the only possible outcome of those kinds of situations - you can either be depressed and let it all consume you or you fight through it and take every last moment you can to the fullest.
Very well done story, I loved the perfect balance in the story. It was just the right amount of sad to be a happy story(if that makes any sense at all). Also I only found one mistake "First Rarity, and now Spike, too? Did anypony else want to run her life today, too?" I believe you wanted to say ruin not run .
3982279
Actually, "run" is what I read as correct, but I figure people would read it as "ruin."
Question: how do you get a story featured on Equestria Daily this quickly? Everybody I know won't hear back from them for almost 2 months
Edit: Oh wait. You're an Equestria Daily pre-reader. Yeah, that's totally fair
3982439 How do you know how long it's been in the queue for?
3982464 It was posted 5 days ago on this site.
Edit: Actually, if you look at the "First Published", it was published today. And featured on Equestria Daily in a few hours? Yeah, not fishy at all.
3982467 Well, yeah. Pascoite usually doesn't publish until it's green-lit for EqD. If you're complaining about getting noticed faster, I've had a super speedy turn around because a pre-reader knew my story already. It's not so much pre-reader prejudice, it's just knowing which authors/stories need a minimum of checking. If you're asking them not to take any perks at all, I think you're being grossly unfair.
It ain't fishy. It's practical.
3982467
You know it's possible to submit the story to EqD without it being public on FimFic, right? So long as it's not password-protected, anyone with a link can access it. Maybe the author just waited for it to go up on EqD before publishing it on here. It's a sensible way to attract as much attention as possible to a story.
3982505 Yeah, well, after 17 times being featured on Equestria Daily, you start to think that there's some kind of fishy pattern going on.
Look, I actually upvoted the story. I'm not saying it's a bad story or anything.
But if he holds off posting the story on this site until it is featured on Equestria Daily, then he already knows it's going to be featured.
And, you know, having him be a pre-reader on the site does help...
3982467
Simplest explanation is probably that it was first submitted to Equestria Daily as a private link months ago then made public on the day it would hit their front page.
3982439
This: 3982505 3982608
I leave the story unpublished until it hits EqD, then submit it to be publicly visible here. I don't want it posted here for all to see until it's good enough for EqD. Say my story ended up being rejected (which has happened 4 times so far)—I'd want to be able to revise it before everyone can see it. I've got a dozen unpublished fics sitting around because they aren't revised to my satisfaction yet. I've got another story that's been in the queue for 3 weeks now. Nothing to get bent out of shape over. This is the way I've done it since long before I was a pre-reader, and it doesn't take any special information that only pre-readers have access to. Anyone who wants to publish that way can do so. No privilege involved. In fact, it's cost me on more than one occasion. Sometimes my stories have been posted on EqD during the day, and I can't submit it for FiMFiction approval until hours later when I get home from work. Then I've missed out on having that initial traffic from EqD while I'm still on the front page. Doesn't really matter. It's about being satisfied that I have a good product before letting everyone else read it, and I've encountered quite a few authors who use the same philosophy. We get a decent number of unpublished stories submitted to our queue.
3982916 Even though I don't necessarily agree on this strategy (as I feel it is unfair to people who try to write a long story over a long period of time, who are almost always rejected), it is actually a satisfying answer, so I'll be on my way and I won't speak of it again. All the best on your future writings.
Okay... i'm just confused. I really like how Rainbow's character was portrayed, but the vague way the situation was presented only made me ask more questions.
The story makes it seem as if Scootaloo's dying, but at the same time Rainbow said it was a minor heart defect. If it was a minor heart defect, then why the heck is Rainbow getting all teary about it. So Scootaloo is dying? Then why did Rainbow said it was a minor heart defect... contradiction much?
Technically and stylistically the story is definitely good for EQD, but I'm still... just very confused as to what actually happened, which is impeding my ability to enjoy the story because all I read is Rainbow angst, without actually understanding the context. To me, it seems to be a case of too much show... not enough tell.
3983224
Long story short, It is a fairly routine thing Scootaloo needs done, but Dash is taking it really hard because she's not willing to admit to herself how much Scoot means to her. And yet having to even entertain the remote possibility that Scoot could die frightens her immensely. It's like the difference between hearing that a neighbor's kid was in a car accident and hearing that your kid was in a car accident. Dash is the only one feeling that extra "parent" worry. She knows it's not that big a deal, but she can't help herself.
3983224
I have to agree with this sentiment. The payoff wasn't strong enough in my opinion.
3983265
I am sorry but no. Given the lack of seriousness given to the root cause of Dash's behavior it doesn't work. I understand that maybe you didn't want to go with something stronger to avoid cliche, but that ship sailed long ago based on the very underlying premise of the story.
3983477
I honestly don't get your confusion.
You've never tried to backburner an emotion? Trying to avoid having to feel it, at least for a little while?
Really though, her sentiment is understandable. A minor heart defect is still a heart defect. A routine surgery is still surgery. These are very serious things that doctors have attached descriptive words to in an attempt at consoling people.
All surgery carries risk - even something as benign sounding as having your wisdom teeth removed can cause death because of the pain killers involved. And we're talking heart surgery; there's really only one thing more vital that you could put in that spot - brain.
Why is it difficult to understand Rainbow cares about someone enough that even though those reassuring words have been attached, she only sees the very reasonable fear inducing words?
I've got a nephew who's going through chemo right now. He appears to be doing well in it - it's still having a serious toll - but he's in his final round and will be done in three weeks.
He's two.
You can be as reassuring as you like with words like "minor" and "routine", but it just doesn't cut it when it's someone you love.
3983265 That certainly explains things. But you shouldn't have to explain it to me this. While I actually think this reasoning makes sense, there's not enough contradiction in Rainbow's behaviour or internal dilemma. She should (at least in what I think her characterization would be) be wondering what the hell is wrong with her instead of just feeling motherly about Scootaloo. Aka... if she truly is feeling that extra-parent worry (which you conveyed quite well) then she also should be feeling the 'i'm not actually her parent' angst, which I really didn't get. I get what you attempted and I actually like it better than most Scootaloo-Rainbow fics, but there are just some odd things about the story that sortof confused me and things that could have been explained further.
Altogether, this was a nice story, especially with the flow and stylistic manner which you portrayed Rainbow's emotions. I earnestly think Rainbow's characterization was believable, despite the fact I was confused on the why she felt that way. Its just some tweaking you have to do here and there to smooth things out.
3983477 It was less that the payoff wasn't strong enough and more that I really didn't know what the payoff was. I do... in hindsight and reflection, and after the author's explanation, understand Rainbow's behaviour.
Yet, I believe with her 'tough mare' image, she'd be more angsty about why she is feeling such mush mush vulnerable feelings for Scootaloo when its supposed to be a relatively minor procedure.
3983062
I'm curious as to why you think this about longer stories. Updating stories don't compete with one-shots for the feature box, so I'm not sure what you mean. I haven't gone back to collect any numbers from our records, since it'd be very tedious to compile word counts, but it's been my impression that a greater proportion of shorter stories don't make the grade. Yes, the longer a story is, the more problems it'll have, but that's expected; I don't look at the number of issues with a story, but the rate at which they occur, so story length doesn't enter into it. But even if shorter stories did more easily pass, authors have the option of submitting a limited portion of the story and, if that's accepted, adding chapters without needing to go through us, so that'd negate the handicap. I guess I just don't understand what disadvantage you think long stories get, and whether you're referring to ones that update or ones that get posted all at once.
3983477
If it doesn't work for you, I can't argue that, but I can argue vehemently that there was evidence given to explain everyone's motivations.
When everyone clears their throats at Spike's offer to help Dash, it shows that they know there's a problem with her, but that they likely feel it's a better option to let her work it out herself, and they don't realize how big it's gotten. All they've seen her do so far is act grumpy and standoffish, which is pretty consistent with how a macho person would deal with a personal problem she'd rather keep secret.
Everyone is upbeat around Scootaloo, but Spike's offer to have Dash wait with him and Twilight shows that they aren't blowing it off—they were already planning to wait for news, so it is definitely an item of concern for them.
Spike's the only one who finds out how much Dash is actually upset by this. He's the only one who sees her cry, and she asks him to keep quiet about it. By the time she leaves, he's satisfied that she's come to a resolution, which indeed she has, because she refers to writing in the journal, which is what they do when they've solved a problem, after all.
Dash plainly admits at the end that it's not a hugely serious thing, but she's never really considered a little girl's mortality, so while there is some worry for Scootaloo's sake, her crying is also for another reason, which she goes on to elaborate: She's frustrated at her weakness, which she brushed off initially as a simple bad mood about others intruding into her business, but she embraces that same weakness by what she says to Scootaloo. She wants two things that she considers to be mutually exclusive, which she copes with by alternately dealing with both extremes: doting on Scootaloo and trying to keep her distance. This is the same way she dealt with Tank in canon—she nuzzles him, but only when nobody's looking.
I don't think it's a stretch at all for someone to have an extreme reaction to a minor problem because it happened to strike a nerve with her. It happens enough IRL.
So while you're certain that dealing with the premise in this way is untenable, I'm just as certain that you're unfairly characterizing exactly what that premise is and how it's being used. But rather than risk this becoming a "Yuh-huh!" "Nuh-uh!" back-and-forth, I'll just say that while I appreciate the thought you put into your response, I'm confident enough in the caliber of the people I asked to review this for me that I'm satisfied to let it stand as is.
3984353
Well, I'm sorry it left you confused. On any given story, I'll always get a mix of people saying they didn't understand everything or thought that things were over-explained, and I've pretty much hit an equilibrium here.
3984570 Meh it happens. Still, I think it was a solid one shot... Although I believe I liked "But You Surpass Them All" better.
3983477
I'm with you, but I think it's less whatever unnamed condition Scootaloo has and more the sort of forced mysteriousness present throughout the whole story. It's a faux-nuance that doesn't really work so well. While Rainbow Dash says nothing, every other character more or less wears their hearts on their sleeves, straight up explaining in plain english how they feel and what they want to do about it. Spike in particular is a big offender in this regard, and his entire presence is useless to the story. He switches from being precocious to a a toddler and back in blinks of an eye.
Rainbow Dash's motivations are likewise stilted and artificial, predicated on this outdated and misinterpreted idea that she has trouble facing things she's emotional about, stemming from her reaction at the Young Fliers competition. Important to that scene is the context. Rainbow Dash is nervous, puts off trying to compete, doesn't want to screw up and fail herself (and to an extent, her friends), but overcomes all that and more than comes through when it matters most. Forgiving that this apparently takes place in season 4 and Rainbow has already grown from that, that parallel moment would have happened right at the top of the story, with Dash being nervous that she'd let Scootaloo down somehow, but brushing that aside for the sake of the little crusader. That's loyalty, after all.
Really, none of that truly matters except that the story is treated with an undeserved seriousness. There are a thousand and more Scootalove stories that follow similar structures, and they are easily digestible pieces of entertainment. However, when given a more serious overtone, the rest of the story must rise to the occasion. Particularly egregious, in my mind, is the title drop. It's a strained, "inverted" phrase that feigns waxing poetic considering its immediate context. The line is even meant to be taken mostly literally, further isolating it as ridiculous.
Oy, I've already written much more than I should have. It's an ok story, sort of takes its self too seriously and that makes it very silly.
That was an amazing story, I have to say! You probably don't need someone to tell you this, but your ability to convey emotion through narration is amazing.
I personally thought the scenario was very believable, though I have never really been close enough to someone with these kinds of problems to experienced that apathetic despair that Dash is on the recieving end of here. The part where dash had trouble flying with Scootaloo on her back, and the part where you described the sounds in the sandwich shop, for some reasons struck me as profoundly complex scenes, maybe because the sounds and feelings that were described in those scenes, are the sort of things you would only notice in particularly despairing or introspective moments.
Eh... honestly, it felt kind of slow. It was obvious from very early on that Scootaloo had something wrong with her, due to the way Dash was being... it just felt like it took a long time to get there, and the path along the way felt too long to me.
It wasn't a bad idea, though. I just think that making it a little more intense in some ways might have helped. I understand why it was played low key, but I think playing it up a bit more might have helped keep me engaged and give me the feels you were hoping for.
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
This is a fairly nice and well written story, and the idea is a fairly interesting one that I'd like reading about.
However, it does fail a bit at its execution, and managed to leave me somewhat unsatisfied.
It's not bad by any means(in fact, it's good enough that I consider it worthy of getting crituque), but it certainly could have been a lot better.
The number one problem with this story is Rainbow Dash. Several people here have already voiced their opinion about it, but I would like to add mine to the mix.
Rainbow Dash's behaviour, while somewhat realistic, is one that I failed to empathise with during the story. And while I could certainly empathise with her in hindsight, by then the damage was already done. You're telling a story about how Rainbow reacts to a certain situation here, without telling us what the situation was. This just made it impossible for me to be invested in what was being told, mostly because I was imagining it being some run of the mill bland "sad thing"™. If I had known what it was at least partway through the story, I likely would have liked this story a lot more.
The second biggest issue I have is Spike. Honestly, I just don't see any reason for him to be In this story at all, and this comes from a person who generally likes Spike as a character =/
I don't feel that he's adding anything to the narrative/experience, and I do believe that removing him would make the story feel less slow, all around improving the pacing...
Either way, I consider this to be a fairly good fic, but it certainly could have been a fair bit better
~Sind
A wonderfully written and heartfelt story. You kept me guessing what was wrong until near the very end when I pieced it together. I didn't expect the heart condition, but I figured out the hospital bit a little before Spike chatted with her. You planted the suspicion well. I don't have anything else to say that is meaningful, so here is a Scoots and Dashie:
I was getting the feeling that scoots was dashes foal and the reason the day was so hard for her is because it was the anniversary of when she had given scoots up for adoption cause she was too young and the fact that equine pregnancies can run into that time frame of birthdays. wasn't expecting the whole hospital thing
I just loved the final bits, Scoots saying those words were all I needed to hear.
I still feel you tried too hard to be vague about stuff, but it was nice. Worth the read at least, if only for the way it lead up to the d'awws.
Holy crap! I did not expect that. Excellent story.
They look so cute togather
awww
I couldn't understand what RD was going through, why? Its like she directed some serious negativity towards Scootaloo...
But then when I read the ending, I rethought the feelings described and it made sense.
Well done.
Unlike all the pretentiousness up above me in the comments, I actually understood what the story was aiming for while reading it. I enjoyed it a great deal. Please keep up the good work.
A very well-written story that took seven thousand words to achieve what should really have only taken three, four tops.
Seriously, there's not nearly enough content, the premise is cliche enough to be guessable (Tropes Are A Tool, sure, but you can't rely on the impact of the 'twist' anymore) and... well, the characters are written pretty perfectly. I guess I can't think of a third thing, really.
Also, c'mon, it's a pretty pretentious title. You have to admit that much. She's not dying, she's not going to die, so the quote isn't nearly pithy enough to warrant the florid prose title.
3985221
Rainbow had me skipping to the end so I could read what she's sad about and then go back and read through again. You know what? Still wasn't worth it. Separating it as a reaction and a twist just didn't work; it weakened empathy and relied on a cheap, overused gimmick to sell the story.
Spike honestly just felt like a padded-out B plot for a story that really, above all else, should not have been padded.
3984674
Incredibly well-said.
I'm again going to add that whilst Spike was initially well-done, his and Twilight's dialogue felt rather 'twee'.
"Oh, look, one of my best friends is having an emotional crisis. Good job noticing that, young emotionally vulnerable child-friend, now I'm going to let you handle this and not look any further into it myself, because it's a chance for you to prove yourself." Right.
Really, that's what did it for me, I feel.
3984674
Well, I was prepared to make a thoughtful response to your comment, but it seems you're more interested in making generalized, mean-spirited statements, so... I don't know what I've ever done to make you so angry, but most of what you've said points to things you didn't like, versus things that are demonstrably wrong. One of the things you'd have me do actually is wrong. And for the record, there was no title drop. The chapter title was the original story title, and I changed it after the text was finalized, since I didn't think people would care about the reference, so be careful making assumptions.
3986317
I appreciate you being civil, and I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the story. However, your reaction is another variation on the "Dash isn't behaving reasonably" theme, some saying that canon Dash wouldn't do this, and others saying nobody anywhere would do this. The first, I'd just have to disagree on, but for the second, I know two people exactly like this. You can tell when they're upset, but you don't say anything to them about it, because they won't talk, and they might even get upset that you asked. When someone wants to try, we all figure more power to him, and once in a rare while it works, but mostly we just let them work it out on their own. If you don't think Dash can be like that, then we have a difference of headcanon, but if you think nobody can, then I don't know what to say. You might not believe it, but they exist.
3986502
You apparently didn't read what I said at all.
I thought Dash behaved utterly reasonably. In fact I even said the characters were pretty spot on, specifically.
What I think was that the story was structured so poorly as to make her behaviour hard to empathize with, in spite of a very relatable situation. What I think was that your story relied on a cliche twist that couldn't deliver the emotional impact the buildup demanded. What I think is that you rammed in a lot of padding that the concept simply didn't have room for to make a satisfactory resolution.
I did not, once, say that Rainbow Dash was unreasonable or unbelievable.
3986683
I in fact did read your comment. No need to be caustic. I was referring to the manner in which the other characters relate to Dash, particularly this part:
As I said, there are real people I've learned to deal with exactly in this way.
3986317
Of course, just putting the reveal at the beginning isn't going to cut it to fix the issue; the narration will have to integrate it too.
This did make me realize though, that one of the specifics about the problem with Rainbow Dash here is shallowness. We constantly get to hear how sad she is, but it never goes beyond that in its descriptiveness. This also makes the story feel repetitive, giving it the "alright, we get it already, tell us something new" feel, which adds to the pacing issue that has already been noted.
(note: of course, I'm not saying that repetitiveness is always bad. Repeating things in different situations, or with a different mindset, can have a huge positive effect. The problem here is that it repeats without first adding anything new to our perspective)
But this is just part of the issue we already have, with the narration trying too hard to be vague about "the sad thing".
I still think the premise is a good one, though. Rainbow Dash being sad for Scootaloo, while not wanting to show it, is a plot that is perfect for her character, and rich with possibilities to boot.
edit: I feel as though I came through as too negative in this post, and that was not my intention. I certainly think this has a lot of potential, and would love to see it realized.
3986751
Yes. Fine. You know people in real life like that. You did not convince me Twilight was one of them nor did you touch on any of my other complaints.
You also disrespected me by ignoring all my other points and making a strawman of what I said to suit your own arguments.
That, right there, was absolutely infuriating. That was not one, or any, of my points and for you to summarize my position so callously was rather offensive.
3986769
This wouldn't have been nearly so grating had the story been much shorter, much more focused and much less vague and ambiguous.
3986773
I honestly don't know what's made you so angry. I talked about that one point because I was originally addressing that across several people's responses. How does that disrespect you?
I have been informed that this post was unnecessarily, unintentionally, antagonistic, and has thus been removed.
For future reference: The point of this was to indicate my displeasure and direct further discourse to P.M. This has been achieved.
A rather nice story, I'm always up for reading a scoot/RD. I really enjoyed it and thought simply that you did a great job on it. Well done and thanks for the interesting read.
-frost
3986941
I tried to address a common theme I was seeing across several comments, and that doesn't serve to invalidate or confirm anything else you said. I don't know why you'd assume it would. But I will take this to PM, as it's becoming less about the story and more about parliamentary procedure.
the issue i got from this text is that half way into it u get really pissed off at dash being oc and rude to everipony
i had to skip to the end of it just to know why was she pissed off, but then i didnt felt the characters feelings building up, i really didnt enjoy it as much as i should have 
i guess that if ur going to make a story like this then it should be way shorter like oneshot, if not then u should include a paragraph that explains why is the main character suffering in the first place.
I'll go ahead and add my two cents in: though it is a variation on pretty much what everyone else has said. Incredibly well written story but the narrative structure takes away from the enjoyment. We're introduced to the idea that something is bothering Rainbow Dash (So far so good), but we don't find out what until the end, and once we know whats bothering her her actions at the beginning of the story don't make a lot of sense, if she was scared that something was going to happen to scootaloo why was she trying to avoid her/not wanting to go to her party/not wanting to take her snowboarding, i think either changing the structure or adding an explanatory thought monologue in the begining for Rainbow would help clear things up.
Who wants to help me kill the ones that disliked this story?
So...call me stupid, but what happened?
3989309 I will help you just let me get my gun
3983477
I find it perfectly plausible for one big reason ...
Rainbow Dash has never been shown to be good at handling her vulnerability to her own softer emotions. She's upset because her fan / friend / surrogate daughter is at risk for her life (yes, one is, even in a "routine operation" and the more so if the thoracic cavity must be violated). She wants to deal with this as she deals with all her challenges in life, by flying really fast and maybe hitting something.
The problem is, there's nothing she can do about this situation. All she can do is be nice to Scootaloo and hope she lives. And if Scootaloo does die, then there'll be nothing Rainbow can do to prevent it.
Rainbow Dash feels helpless. Which is not something she's used to feeling. And she's not handling it well.
So she's very much on edge, and trying to stop herself from lashing out at everypony who talks to her. Because being mean to her friends won't make anything better either.
This was a very well written story, the structure was great and you developed the characters greatly all throughout.
and to that I applaud you sir.