The Conversion Bureau: A Mare's Tail

by HiddenBrony

Epilogue

They say that when you die, there is a white light at the end of a long tunnel. Some say there’s a nothingness that consumes the world. Those who cross the threshold and come back reference Godly things. Some say they witness the supernatural. Science can explain some of this away, claiming hallucinations of an oxygen deprived mind.

She actually never gave this much thought. If you had asked, you probably wouldn’t have gotten an answer, either. A faraway stare is all most people got. She hated the concept of death, not so much a fear of it, though. Perhaps living in such a lifestyle had deadened her to the concept, or maybe she simply accepted it - but she never liked it. It was simply something no one knew for sure, and to that end, no one should try and stuff it down her throat about what it was.

And yet, facing it now? She found she really quite liked it. All around her, she could feel a rush. No, a flow about her as she felt the warmth of the sunshine through the soft glow of the stars. All around her, there were others - she couldn’t see their faces, but she recognized them none-the-less. Family, friends, people she hadn’t seen in years, all gathered around her. They cheered her appearance among them, welcoming her.

It didn’t matter that they were ponies. It was her afterlife and it was what she wanted it to be. What she wanted to be. Brought along the flow, the girl soon left her friends, her family, scooting along toward a place she felt she needed to be. It was somewhere far off, but she knew she’d see all of them again. She wasn’t sad. She was at peace with herself. Ever approaching her destination, she knew it was important to be there. To meet them. Who they were didn’t matter, and where she was going she couldn’t be sure.

But she was going there, and not a force in the universe would stop her.

-----

Rose and Rusty stood on the top of the Bataar Building, gazing down at the mist below where it had consumed the last two humans they knew. The screams of the men below had ceased long ago, and all that was left was a deathly silence. Detaching herself from the railing, Rose finally stepped back from the ledge, shaking her head numbly as her wings furled to her sides. Rusty sighed through his nose as he blinked hard, looking slowly about the area. He hadn’t heard nor seen Twinkle either, and right now he already knew what happened, if Standish still had a weapon and Violet had to... He didn’t want to think about it.

“She... she didn’t have to,” Rose choked. Her head was shaking from side to side as Rusty stared up at her. “She.. could have just let him shoot me. Could have punched him after. Wrenched the gun away from him while he was distracted.” Closing her eyes, tears started to flow freely down her face. Rusty walked over, embracing the poor girl in his hooves as she placed his head on hers.

“Shh...sh-sh-shhh... You know she couldn’t have done that. Violet... she wouldn’t have let you get hurt anymore,” Rusty cooed, tears beading on the side of his eyes. “She knew she had to try. She always tried for us, eh? Goddamn, she tried with all she had.” He brushed a hoof through the girl’s hair, cradling the girl as she sobbed openly. She tried when they met Richard. She tried when she kept the truck on the road. She tried when she saved Rose. She tried when Rose was taken. She tried when they were chased. She tried when Standish tried to kill them. “She tried so everyone else could have a chance. A chance at a new life, a chance to see family.”

Rose heaved slightly, trying to control her sobs. “It’s not...not fair! She didn’t deserve any of it!” she challenged, her eyes turning angry. However, the Earth pony quelled her rage as he hugged her close, the girl reached a hoof up and grabbing his arm, holding it close like a daughter would hold her father’s hand. “It was me. I was the one who triggered all this. I should have just... died with Richard! Then she’d still be here. She’d be alive. She’d be a pony, like she wanted...”

Rusty swallowed the pressure he felt in his throat as her shook his head. “Come on, Rose. Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. Violet hated seeing people go. She wanted to cry for every bullet she fired. I could feel it. But she was stronger than that.” Patting the pegasus on the back, he started to release the girl as he returned to his four hooves. “Now we have to be strong.”

Rose sniffed loudly, but got on her feet. Downtrodden, the puce pony stepped weakly toward the stairs, Rusty taking the lead as the two moved for the roof, intent on seeing the damage. His eyes focused stiffly ahead as he took it one hoof at a time, his mind not daring to think about the pale pink unicorn. She had been missing, and he didn’t dare let Rose think about it. He looked back at the pegasus, her own head bent straight down, not lifting an eye from the floor below. Her hair was so much like his niece’s, he mused, a feeling of protectiveness filling the Earth pony. He didn’t need to dwell on the facts any more than what was necessary.

-----

She was running now. Soaring, even, as she made her way through the stars and hills around her. Everything was so different here, she felt in tune with everything. Not on some godly plain, but just more alive. Which, she mused, was actually fairly amusing given the circumstances. However, as she came through the aether, she could finally see her destination. A crystal palace, both transparent and completely opaque to her vision, in which the sun and moon themselves seemed to orbit continually.

Laughing in some innocent joy, the girl rushed through the entrance without a care in the world, taking no time in seeing what there was to see. Colors dances around her, each surface sparkling a new shade of a color as she passed. She could hear music. A beautiful ballad as sung by a duet. She wanted to meet them, the singers. She would meet them, she would see them and then...

Well, she really didn’t know what after that. But her heart pulled at her, pushing her on and on as she ran ever forward through this ancient palace of magic.

-----

Rose and Rusty stepped out into the rooftop, walking around the burning wreckage of the helicopter that had somehow managed to blow itself up while they were huddled inside. Rusty didn’t much feel like scoping out the area, but his interest grew with every step, his contemplation and curiosity completely insatiable as his heart needed to know what happened to the unicorn from the Bureau. Stepping softly, the potion which coated the area started to subside, only a minor leak coming out of the helicopter now. Rose passed by him, her eyes catching something just above the surface of the cloud. “Twinkle...!” she choked out, her hooves pushing her on as she took no thoughts in her steps, the pegasus galloping toward the prone form on the ground.

Rusty stopped cold, his eyes catching sight of the pale pink form popping just out of the subsiding mist. His mind raced with a million possibilities as Rose began to weakly shake the unicorn, calling out her name. Taking a leaden step forward, the Earth pony approached the body slowly, the lump in his throat returning in full force as tears started to fall from his cheeks. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to know. He needed to know.

Walking around the mare, the red pony reached a hoof out, placing it gently under her neck. As he saw, there was no wound on her side, but her head had been submerged under the potion - harmless to ponies, but likely no good for the lungs. Steeling himself, he lifted the unicorn’s face above the mist. Rose gasped as she took in a sharp intake of breath as her foot hit something nearby.

It was a horn.

Lifting Twinkle’s head above the cloud, Rusty could see now that the mare’s horn was completely cracked off, the bullet having completely shattered the magical appendage, the girl’s mint-green hair falling gently over the abscess. While Rusty looked over the mare, a high pitched whine issued from the Twinkle’s lungs. Rusty belted out a laugh despite himself, positioning himself on the roof so Twinkle’s head could rest on something above the magical mist. Rose smiled weakly, blinking away the pain she felt for Violet as she let herself rejoice in the fact Twinkle was alive.

It took a few minutes, but the unicorn in question finally started to come around, her eyes blinking hard a few times before focusing on the pegasus in front of her. What was odd about it was that Rose was continually picking her hoof up and bringing it down, almost as if she was playing around in water. At once, she hopped up, her hooves touching the top of the mist and holding there, but she soon sank through the mist, a look of contemplation on her face. “Rose...? What are you doing?”

Rusty fidgeted at the sound of her voice, but not daring to move as he served as the mare’s pillow. “You’re awake! Thank Celestia...!” he breathed, stroking a hoof through her hair unconsciously. Looking up at Rusty, Twinkle smiled softly at him before craning her head around.

“I don’t know what happened... I was talking to Violet and suddenly I heard a loud-.” After a quick intake of breath, the mare picked herself off of the red stallion and spun about. “Violet! Where’s Violet!? Whe-wha...” A nauseated feeling took the unicorn by surprise, and the unicorn fell against Rusty again, bringing a hoof up to her head. “I feel so light-headed, what happened-”

A long pause.

“My horn...?”

Rose gave a weak smile. “I think I felt some of it over there...?” She gestured, the smoke starting to clear around them. There were parts of the roof that were actually visible under the smoke, and pieces of a pale pink horn could be seen nearby. The unicorn groaned loudly, but she didn’t dwell on it long.

“That... doesn’t matter. Horns grow back. Violet. Where’s Violet?” she sounded resolutely. Rusty coughed uneasily as Rose averted her gaze. An awkward silence permeated the area as Twinkle slowly got the point. “Oh- Oh sweet Celestia no...” Putting a hoof up to her mouth, the mare suppressed her tears as she kept looking from both of the ponies with her. “But she was fine when I... I was the one who was shot-!” Rusty cut her off silently, shaking his head in sadness.

He quickly explained what Twinkle needed to know, telling of how the girl had sacrificed herself to save himself and Rose.

Allowing Twinkle the time she needed to digest the information, Rose started to wander about the rooftop, her mind trying to cover what all had happened. Stepping near the ledge, the pegasus’ wings unfurled as she waved some of the smoke around her away, feeling the wind catch underneath it. Looking back at the other ponies, she started to wonder what they’d do now - none of them could drive, and they were fairly far from anywhere. Sighing deeply, she guessed they’d have to walk.

And then, at the faintest edges of her hearing, she could hear it.

The whirling of blades, the whine of an engine, that throbbing sound of a heartbeat as Rose looked out into the cityscape, watching a helicopter bound on their position from the northeast. Taking a cautionary step back, the pegasus returned to her friends, shaking her head grimly. “Guys... we have company.” The two ponies paused, exchanging glances as they looked out over the city. Pointing with her hoof, the two tracked her direction until they saw the helicopter, and soon noticed two others tailing it as it approached the flaming beacon of smoke from their own burning chopper. “What do we do?”

Rusty sighed, shaking his head as the purple mist around them started to clear. “What can we do, Rose? We can’t drive... I can’t run, you can’t fly and you’re still getting used to your hooves. Twinkle’s been shot...”

The unicorn noticed his complete deterrence from mentioning the human of their group. However, she sighed gratefully as she watched the last of the purple gas start to taper off around them. “We don’t need to run. Vi-... Violet called the IHSA branch proper before we came here. She asked me about it when we captured the radio, and started bugging them about all of this. Lieutenant Standish apparently faked his and his squad’s deaths, as news of his being alive spooked them. That right there... is the IHSA. The real IHSA. They’ve been trying to track this terrorist group for weeks, apparently. Evacuating cities and towns they felt were threatened.”

Rose turned to the edge, catching sight of various forms sticking out over the surface of the smoke. “A little late. Violet killed them all. Every last one of them. Ha. Bet they never saw her coming.”

Twinkle winced at the pegasus’ voice against their enemies life, but found herself regretfully agreeing with every word. “I guess so. The gas here was thick - too thick, I think. That much magic to a person’s system so quickly would have shocked a body to death. Those poor men - acting under orders of a mad man.”

“Mad?” Rusty echoed, but he found it more or less suited the Lieutenant. Twinkle sighed and nodded, prompting the red stallion to shift himself slowly. “So I guess that might explain a lot. Any chance those men are just... ponies?”

Twinkle shook her head. “The clouds too thick. It’s closer to the equivalent of ten vials of potion for as long as they were covered in it. They likely died of magic shock.” Picking herself up to her hooves, the unicorn could hear the beat of the helicopters as they got ever closer, their loud engines drowning out her compatriots voices as the wind brought down from the blades pushed and dispersed the serum and into the air in manageable quantities.

-----

She approached the room. Not regally or respectfully. She ran, galloped into the Great Hall of this palace. Two forms sang their song, hauntingly beautiful as it beckoned her forward. Not needing a second invitation, she approached the regal forms, looking between them as she smiled. “So this is what it’s like then? Can’t say I’m not impressed. Everything here is so... perfect. Your song was beautiful.”

The tall figure ceased its tune alongside the shorter one, the great form shooting its wings out over the hall. “Thank you.” It called, its smile bursting with the sun’s brilliance.

The shorter, darker form approached her, a small smile playing over her visage, less motherly but all the same graceful and loving. “We sing it for all those who pass.”

The girl laughed, shaking her head. “Well, if they don’t thank you, I will. Is all of this because of you? This world? I’ve never seen it all so... clear. So crisp.”

The tall figure nodded. “Yes, this spiritual place is much our doing, but is merely a reflection of our work.”

The shorter, darker form laughed, her voice like that of a nightingale. “But it is nice to hear. Most pass by and accept their fate without a word. It’s really quite boring sometimes.”

The girl tilted her head, but she soon felt a wave of vertigo as she did, feeling her entire being shift with her. “So, I suppose I’m at the end of my rope, then? Glad I get to be me about it, I’d really hate to go about this all somber and stuff. Although, I’m surprised I’m so alone here - I really thought I took that rat bastard with me.”

The taller form frowned, her eyes growing sad. “No, I don’t believe any of those souls will be passing through our domain.”

-----

The helicopter touched down on the roof a fair distance from the wreckage of the other, the other two choppers circling the area, looking for suitable places to land as they’re blades pushed away the mist that still lingered around the building. Cutting the engines, the door to the chopper opened, and two ponies leapt out, followed by a young man in a blue coat. The man in question was wearing sunglasses, but quickly took them off as the last rays of the sun cast its fingers over the mountains nearby. Catching sight of the three ponies on the roof with him, the man surveyed the area, catching sight of pony bodies on the ground nearby, bloated sickeningly by magic. Averting his gaze, he soon jogged over to the ponies present, giving them a lookover. “Ah. My name is John. John Smith. I take it you all are...” Pointing a finger at the red Earth pony, he went down the line. “Rusty, Twinkle, aaannnd Rose, correct?”

Twinkle, being the one more used to talking, stepped forward, nodding her head. “Yes sir, that’s correct. Our fourth... well, we don’t have a fourth anymore, sir,” she said, a strain on her voice. The man visibly frowned, a sad look taking over his face as he took off his hat, placing it over his chest.

“My... sincerest apologies. We tried to get here as fast as we could. We wanted to prevent this.” Sighing deeply, the pegasus moved to her hooves as she started to walk toward the hole in the wall, John lifting his head and reaching out to her. “Miss Rose? Where are you going?”

Rose looked back, her eyes blinking repeatedly as she shook her head solemnly. “I’m going to find Violet. She at least deserves... to be buried. Or something. I just... want to see her,” she said, and before John could react, Rusty and Twinkle were on their feet as well.

“You can debrief us later, Mr. Smith,” Rusty called back, the man merely nodding and tugging on his sleeve. “We won’t be going anywhere.”

John nodded in completely understanding. “Take all the time you need. My men and ponies won’t bother you.” Reaching for his side, the man drew out his walkie-talkie as he gave the order to his personnel to search for any living being, pony or otherwise, and to start rounding up the bodies if they could, but only after the three ponies found their friend.

Reaching the stairs, Rose, Twinkle and Rusty passed by the truck on their way through the building. Violet had driven through the glass double doors, her one escape plan should things have gone south when they got here. And yet, not a one of them could even look at the driver’s seat, the memory of their purple-haired friend too fresh in their minds. Rose picked up to a trot, much to the surprise of Twinkle, who followed suit, Rusty finding himself forced into some three-legged hop as he attempted to keep up with the girls.

Outside, Rose looked over to see the tower, and quickly galloped over to its base. Circling around the wall, the puce pony stopped her gallop as she saw it. The prone form of the purple-haired girl, laying on her side. Her amber skin shimmering in the last vestiges of the sun.

Nearby, the cracked and broken body of Lieutenant Standish lay split on the walkway. He was a grotesque display, his chest bulged out and his arms cracked and splintered. One side of his body was hooved, as his right side held stunted fingers. His face, fortunately, was nothing but ground meat, having fallen face first.

Twinkle turned the corner, seeing the display in front of her, but at least managing to keep what little she had left in her stomach inside. Approaching the still body of the girl she had come to know, she looked over her as she fought back tears. Limping toward the girls, Rusty came upon her as well, a small, pained smile on his face.

“Well, her hair stayed purple.”

The pony before them was amber in color, her skin shimmering with the color of the sunset. Her mane and tail were the same color of violet purple it had always been since they met her, a strangled chuckle coming from Rose as she stroked part of it away from her friend’s face, tears flowing freely down her face. Adorned on her side were a pair of wings, sharp yet graceful, furled closed on her sides. Kneeling down next to her face, Rose smiled weakly. “Hello Violet. We’re here for you, the day you became a pony. And guess what? You’re a pegasus! You know what that means, right? We get to fly together, Violet. You ‘n me. Even that Albert fella you like. Isn’t that grand?” Her face contorted, a strangled laugh issuing from her throat. “Oh God, Violet..!” Her sobs reverberated against the walls as she moved closer to the prone pony, Rusty and Twinkle crying silently at her side.

-----

“So does that mean I screwed up then? They’re all still alive?” The girl looked back for the first time, feeling the need to go back. “How did that guy even survive the fall when I didn’t-”

“He didn’t. None of them survived.” The darker form called out. “They all perished with their unnatural concoctions. It’s a pity, but the magic they had lived with in your world had settled in their veins - the potion was like poison to almost all of them.”

The taller, brighter form started to take on a more definite shape, its long, slender legs stretching out toward the girl. “Those who could have survived drowned in the fog of magic. We haven’t had many come through our domain recently.”

Feeling a rush of guilt, the girl wiped her eyes. “So I could have saved some of them. I should have waited, or ran, or something. I don’t... I’m sorry.” Falling down, the girl shook her head. “I’m sorry, but... but...” Looking up, her face was awash in confusion. “If they’re dead, why aren’t they here? What did I do to deny them this afterlife?”

“Afterlife?” The darker form echoed, a trace of mirth carrying in her voice. Stepping forward, a midnight blue hoof reached out to the girl. “Violet, don’t you see? This isn’t the afterlife.”

“It’s... not? But t-then H-how do you know my name?” She asked, her eyes focusing on the figures, trying to make out their details.

There was a low chuckle, the face of a Princess beaming down on her subject. “No, it’s no afterlife, Violet. This is where souls undergo what is needed. A soul must be tempered to live in magic, and while many used come through here so quickly, it’s nice to stop and chat once in awhile. We just had a kind gentlecolt come through not more than two hours ago. He told us you’d be coming.”

Violet was dumbfounded, her arm reaching out and grabbing Luna’s who helped her to her feet. “So you’re saying this isn’t some perfect afterlife with all my friends and family? That I’m still.. I’m alive?”

“Afraid so.” The midnight Princess shrugged, gesturing toward a third light that had appeared in the room. “Sorry to disappoint.” As she spoke, her features became defined as her equine face smiled down at Violet.

Looking between the two alicorns, Violet slapped a hoof to her head. “You two! You’re the-”

“Yes.” Celestia said, nodding.

There was a moment of silence, before Violet put her leg down. Looking between them, the girl chuckled and shook her head. “Are you two always this... I mean... you’re not gonna hunt me down for being all candid and stuff, are you?”

Luna laughed heartily, taking great joy in the girl’s lack of tact when it came to the royal sisters. “Oh my Celly, there’s very little going to be different with her when she wakes up, is there?”

Celestia shook her head as the third light came nearer to the pegasus among them, Violet taking note of her form for the first time. “Holy shit! I’m a pegasus! That means- I can- I get to fly with Al and-” The light came forward, growing and enveloping the pony. Violet looking on as the smiling faces of the Princesses carried with them a soft song, welcoming her into the world.

-----

“-Rose...” Violet coughed, earning herself the pleasure of hearing three ponies simultaneously gasp, and was greeted with the sight of a fainting pale pink pony, collapsing into the hoofs of a red stallion. Blinking hard, the amber pegasus slowly moved her head as she caught sight of the puce pony beside her. “Rose..! I... I get to fly with you.”

Suddenly enveloped in hooves, the new pegasus found herself hugged hard by the turquiose-maned mare as she tackled the already grounded pony. “Violet! I swear to Celestia I’m gonna kill you! Don’t you ever, ever, ever-ever-ever-ever do that again!” Her sobs were mixed with laughter as the very confused pegasus started to line up everything that happened.

“What’s with all the-” she muttered, but soon found herself noticing the hubbub around her. “Guys? Rusty? What’s going on...?” She saw the mutilated form of Standish, which made her stomach turn a cartwheel, but she was more interested in the multitude of ponies and humans who were walking around them. “Is that the IHSA?” Her tongue still refusing to say anything other than 'ehsa.'

Rose let go of her friend a moment as she wiped her tears away with a hoof. “I-H-S-A, Violet. Are you ever going to get that right?” she teased, a strangled laugh issuing from the tired pegasus. Violet looked down her hooves, feeling a weird sensation at the bottoms of her feet. “Better late than never, eh?”

Violet looked up, nodding assuredly. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m so glad you’re alright, Rose. I heard the gunshot when I tackled Standish - I thought I might have been too late.”

Rose shook her mane incredulously as she closed her eyes. “That is so you, Violet. You throw yourself off a damn roof and then you look to see if everypony is alright. We are, thank you, although Twinkle lost her horn,” she muttered, gesturing toward the unicorn. The memory of the gunshot filled Violet’s senses, but seeing the fainted pony, she could tell she was alright.. for the most part.

Rusty smiled as he struggled slightly under Twinkle, having somehow trapped himself under her body. Still, he wasn’t complaining about it. “Hey there, V. Good to see you. I’m just, y’know... bein’ a pillow,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “I honestly don’t understand, Violet. You threw yourself from the tower, and... well, the fall should have killed you. And yet you’re standing around - doesn’t it hurt?”

Blinking, the pony turned from Rose to Rusty, giving a mild shrug. “It feels a little like I’m on fire, but nothing broken to report. God I am sore, though,” she said animatedly, earning a laugh from those conscious. As they spoke, the man in the blue coat approached them.

“Four ponies? You’re not part of my unit. Who’re you?”

Violet turned around, a small smirk on her face. “Violet. I’m a pony, for all that’s worth.”

-----

Author's Notes

And thus ends A Mare's Tail, 64K words worth of transforming pony goodness all wrapped up in a bunch of death and stuff. I never knew what story I was writing when I decided to write a TCB, only that my initial plans were a two chapter idea where a girl goes through the conversion process and she isn't responsible for saving Equestria or something.

Well I think I messed that idea up somewhere along the way.

The epilogue was written in mind as an alternate ending of sorts to the story. However, as I finished it, I really didn't think it was fair to write different endings. As said in my original notes at the start of this FiMFiction version, this story is going to see a rewrite eventually; with more chapters, more time spent, and a bit more movement. Don't worry, though, Rusty, Twinkle, and Rose are all returning alongside Violet, and their personalities largely intact.

So what of this epilogue? Why wasn't Violet killed? There are a number of reasons, thematically, but the reason I had her survive was that ponification has often been touted as a miracle cure for a lot of things. A three story fall, while potentially deadly, has actually been survived by a great many people without magical aid. So while Lt. Standish happened to land on his head, Violet landed on her stomach. I actually had it where Standish's shot had connected with Violet once, and she would have bled out and died, but that was pulled from the final version. The impact made her unconscious, and her low, steady breathing as a result gave her an appropriate dosage of the serum. The reason Standish didn't survive was, firstly, he took in too much of the serum through his cut abdomen. But regardless his transformation was cut short when his head turned to hamburger.

Personally, I like this story, mostly towards the end. I love how Twinkle turned out. I loved Rose's realism with her situation. And Violet? Well, her hair's purple. How cool is that? And Rusty is a bro. Standish is mad. Jorge is a more than his orders. And Al? Totally was an in-joke to myself. He's supposed to be a parody of Weird Al. Your mind. It has been blown?

Well, I hope you enjoyed the tale. I only did quick edits for the story, and man there were some serious hiccups in both dialogue, plot, and who knows what else I fixed in my brief runs. Still, that was A Mare's Tail. It's been half a year now since I first wrote it, and I still quite like it. For whatever that's worth.

-Hyde Edenborough Knee

(HiddenBrony)

Comments

[Wander Hoof]

First I was all !

Then I was all !

Then I was all !

Then, at the end I was all !

Beautiful work on this story!

[Chatoyance]

I adore this story. I am afraid of a rewrite, though - be careful not to lose the passion of the original. Sometimes imperfect stories carry the primal passion of what drove them to be written in the first place.

Thank you for a chance to read this again. It is quite the gem.

[StarCrosser K4nK4n]

Never has a fanfic made me shed tears like this one since "Past Sins". A beautiful story, indeed. You are awesome, HiddenBrony. As for the characters, I have soft spot for Twinkle, Rusty is one interesting stallion (kind of cool), and Violet rocks.

[StarCrosser K4nK4n]

This is the 1st ever fanfic based on The Conversion Bureau universe I've ever read, and it just blew me away. The final chapter really made my heart soar. I recommend every brony out there to read this.

[Sheepdog]

It's been quite a while since I first read this. It was the first longer fic I read and fueled my desire to read more. It seems like I was having to wait as new chapters were posted, I can't remember where at the moment, but the wait was brutal.
I agree with another comment that this has a raw emotion I hope isn't lost when you rewrite it, I do look forward to reading the results though.

[Majk]

Reading this story was quite an experience, you shot me right in the feels, then steamrolled me with the adorable ending, which i think was awesome. Screw stories that make ponies die in the end. Fluff stuff is the best stuff.

[Flash_Magnus]

Wow,this story was AWESOME!!!

From start to finish,I enjoyed everything!

And at the end,I was choking up while reading thinking Violet had died but when I saw that she actually lived,I have tears of happiness

I really love TCB stories and I'm glad I came across this one great job!

[Westphalian_Musketeer]

That Lieutenant Standish dying words last chapter...
[youtube=wvJiYrRcfQo]

Good ending too, I'd upvote you, but I can only do it once per story.